This is the second time a comment from a reader has inspired a meme for The Intelligence Control and Analysis Program.
“Let’s get something straight here.” Garcia narrowed her eyes, and there was nothing but hatred in those chocolate irises. “I’m not here for you, and I’m not here for your government. I’m not here to help anybody. I’m here to see Spencer, and let me tell you something, suit: I am like Rikki-Tikki-Tavi, alright? Spencer is that cute, British boy I can never remember the name of, and I am the sweet and lovable yet vicious mongoose that keeps him safe. So, when I see him and he tells me everything—because he always tells me everything—about what you’ve done to him, you had better be ready, because I will go rabid mongoose all up in your cobra nest. Comprende?”
Hotch did not allow a smile to tug at the corner of his mouth, and he kept his tone as solemn and level as ever. He raised a brow ever-so-slightly and feigned extreme disinterest. “Am I Nag or Nagaina?”
Garcia looked surprised for all of two seconds, and then she snorted. She opened her mouth to speak some more, but it was evidently her turn to be interrupted—which was a shame, because there was a little piece of Hotch that wanted to continue the battle of wits involving his favorite childhood movie.
“Penelope?”
As soon as Genius’ voice was heard, Garcia changed. Her body language and facial expressions shifted, probably much more than she realized, and her countenance immediately brightened.
“Spencer!” Hands still bound behind her back, she shot past Hotch and bounded up the stairs into Genius’ arms. “I missed you so much!”
- The Intelligence Control and Analysis Program, Chapter 9
criminal minds Dr. Spencer Reid x female BAU reader
author’s note: oh dear... a new obsession, i fear! in all seriousness: this series single-handedly got me through the end of 2022, so what better to do than write something for it?!
summary: your relationship with Dr Reid of the BAU is a good one, so good that there’s these little funny things that you both do with one another...
warnings: working on murder cases (reader is part of BAU)/trauma from working on cases --> so read at your own discretion!
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when you first joined the BAU, you were nervous but who wouldn’t be?
you’d put your heart, blood, sweat and tears into passing those profiling classes and you’d passed with flying colours! your parents were very happy for you, knowing it had been a lifelong dream of yours
on your first day you didn’t have a desk set up, and you were mortified that the BAU had forgotten about you on your first day
you almost turned around and walked back out of that office, until you bumped into Spencer Reid, that absolute charmer.
“oh, sorry,” Reid smiled apologetically, “hey, is your name–” you both said your name at the same time. Reid’s face broke out into a smile, and he held out his hand. “I saw your reports, impressive work for someone so young.” he had his hands in his pockets as he spoke. “not that you’re too young for the job or anything.” he added hastily.
“oh thank you, uh, I’m just doing my best really.” you were trying to not stumble over yourself as you spoke, recognising Dr Reid as he stood in front of you. he asked where your desk was, secretly hoping he’d be able to talk some more with you, until you admitted there wasn’t a desk ready for you. a flush of embarrassment crept up your face, and Reid pressed his lips together in thought. he motioned for you to follow him to his desk, which he pulled a spare chair to and presented it to you proudly.
“we can, uh, share,” he said, “until they find you one.” you smiled shyly, placing your bag on your lap as you took one chair and he took the other. he really liked your energy, so quiet, but he knew once you realised you could do the job he’d see the other side of you.
when JJ called the team to the briefing room for a meeting, you found that your legs were cemented to the seat. this was it, your first case, what you’d been waiting for your entire life. Reid was up and gone, and you followed after a second of muddled thinking. inside the room was a team of faces you hadn’t met yet, but you knew all about them. Reid had a spare chair by his side, and after realising JJ was waiting for you to sit, you hurried over. as you sat down, JJ started bringing up the pictures of the victims and crime scenes, reading out the background information.
you finally felt like you were getting somewhere.
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you were exhausted to say the least when you returned to the jet for the journey home. you’d followed Reid like a lost puppy on this case, but the others had been kind to you. Emily asked how you were doing each time she saw you, always privately checking in. JJ would text you for updates, giving you a smile whenever you crossed paths. Rossi made you feel like you were being included by asking for your thoughts, coming to you for second opinions. Morgan never left you behind anywhere, always on guard as you two went around together. Hotch carefully watched your body language and facial expressions throughout the case, jumping in when he thought you were beginning to fall behind. and Miss Penelope was always gushing at how polite you were when calling her for help, and promised to see you as soon as you returned.
you obviously felt very welcomed, and even as quiet fell across the jet, it was comfortable. you text your parents that you were done with your first case, and closed your eyes to doze.
you didn’t even realise that you had leaned a bit too far across and had your head on Reid’s shoulder
he shuffled down a bit so your head rested easily, before taking out a book of his and picking up where he left off
the others soon noticed and couldn’t help but smile, because for once Reid looked content in the company of another person
after that, it was an unspoken rule that no matter where you sat on the jet, Reid was next to you. you almost always slept, unless a case had been particularly harrowing and it kept you awake thinking, and each time your head would fall onto Reid’s waiting shoulder. it was also another unspoken rule that when the jet lands, no one wakes you up, except Reid.
he’s the only person you’ll be happy to let you wake you up on the jet
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the drive home is always longer than the drive to work, you find, but this changed when Reid offered to help save the environment by carpooling!
when in Virginia, Reid likes carpooling with you to work, and dropping you off home at the end of the day
he’ll take you anywhere really if you ask him too :)
after a case, he has to see you walk in and lock the door behind you before driving away to his place
it gives him peace of mind that you’re safe without him there, not that he could attempt to physically fight a random intruder away, but he could certainly talk them into confusion!
to pass the time between being at home and going to work, where you’d see Reid again, you picked up the habit of reading.
when you bring a book with you anywhere, Reid makes a point of taking interest in it, then looking into it after you’ve finished it just so he can talk to you about it over the following weeks
even with the oddest of books, he’ll put himself through reading just so he knows what you’re talking about the next time he sees you
he would never have read The Hunger Games trilogy without your influence.
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it goes without saying that the BAU job is not an easy one. you’ve seen more mangled bodies than a graveyard, and walked through such gruesome crime scenes you were sure they weren’t real. the persistent nightmares started not long after your first few cases, and you told no one. not your parents, not even Reid, who you were sure had experienced nightmares too. there was one night in particular where you had been tossing and turning, then stretching and walking around your bedroom to try and tire yourself out. nothing stopped you from seeing the images of women that had been torn apart, discarded like they were nothing every time you closed your eyes. and then your morning alarm went off.
Reid noticed that you were off as you got into the car, no “good morning sunshine” or “hey handsome” as you normally said when buckling up
“you’re quiet, no sleep last night?” Reid asked, pulling away from your place and side-eyeing you
“yeah, sadly, it’s just one bad night though.” you half-smiled at him, trying to sleep in the car on the way to work
when you got there, Reid had coffee ready to go at all hours of the day, sometimes preempting your needs and placing a full mug on your desk before you could get up
at the end of the day where you’d only filled out paperwork, Reid saw that you were struggling, and had an idea
“so, I was thinking, there’s actually this new way to fall asleep by tricking your brain. we could try it tonight so you catch up on your sleep.” Reid said casually, as you finished more coffee.
“I’ll do anything right now to get a decent night’s sleep.” you sighed, getting up to wash your mug before finishing up the paperwork for the night. Reid smiled as you walked off, the perfect plan in his head. once you were both done, Reid drove to your place, and joined you inside. “now what?” you asked, eyes heavy but brain still ticking over.
“the fun part. you get changed, I’ll do the rest.” Reid started messing with your TV, and you just followed his instructions. you showered, changed clothes and met him back downstairs. he had the TV ready and the sofa made up. “I’ll stay for a bit to see if it works,” he then added, “if you don’t mind?” you waved a hand at him, you didn’t care if he slept on your bed, and he settled down next to you on the sofa.
an old Hollywood movie starts to play, black and white, and you glance at Reid in suspicion
he tells you to just relax and watch it, and about halfway through you’re falling asleep to the sound of the famous Transatlantic accent, exaggerated sound effects and old time music
Reid is overjoyed that his idea worked, because this is what he does sometimes to bore his brain to sleep on those difficult nights
he finds himself falling asleep too, but gets up and turns out the lights and closes the curtains before locking your front door
and settling back down on the sofa next to your sleeping form
he tells himself he’ll run home in the morning and change before work
the next morning, you both wake up, late. with less than an hour to get to work, Reid sped home to shower, change and eat before picking you back up. despite being in fresh clothes, with hastily applied makeup on and carrying breakfast in your hands, you both looked awful. you were much brighter this morning though, as you laughed getting into the car.
you arrived at work just in time, huffing and sorting out hair and clothes at your desk. Reid’s shirt was half tucked in and your hair was so damn messy. luckily, no one paid much attention to the vibe between you both that day. you two chatted all day about the ending of the film that neither of you actually watched, and you asked Reid to come over again soon and let you choose the movie.
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it wasn’t until a few months in that Reid overheard you talking to your mother on the phone, he loved the way you smiled and laughed when talking to her, and then how you said goodbye so softly. what he’d do to have you speak to him like that for a day. when you caught him staring, you threw your pen at him. you had desks right next to each other, so you often wheeled on over, just to talk to him. whenever you approached, he stopped whatever he was doing and gave his full attention to you.
“so,” you began, leaning back in your chair, “seeing as you like listening to my phone calls with my mother,” he held back a smile, “how is your mother doing?” you asked. he handed you a piece of writing paper, and you raised an eyebrow at it.
“she’s doing good, I was actually just writing my letter to her.” you scan over his words and smile. he’s telling her about his recent case (as much as he can without getting into trouble). you hand the letter back and watch him finish the rest over the course of the day. on the drive home he thinks of something else to add in before he sends it off tonight.
the first time Reid mentioned you to his mother in his letters, it was nothing but a mention of your first few days in the BAU
all of her replies consisted of asking about you, and if Spence liked you
Reid blew it off as you being work friends and nothing more, but a mother always knows.
now Reid asks you to add in a paragraph to every letter he writes, because his mother likes hearing from you (she thinks you’re smart, and very funny)
sometimes you receive random greeting cards from Reid’s mother through the post, and you reply to them with a smile on your face
you have all of her cards pinned up in the kitchen, Reid saw the collection once and marvelled at it
“oh yeah, your mother is lovely, I get one every so often.” you tell him, smiling at your growing collection.
“I’m almost jealous.” Reid admits, with a smirk as you admire the cards. “she wants to meet you, you know. I kind of promised her I’d visit soon, and bring you with me.” your eyes met his, and he struggled to maintain eye contact.
“why didn’t you say?” you lightly shoved him on the arm and booked tickets to see Reid’s mother that evening over takeaway and drinks.
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your visit to meet Reid’s mother went well, really well. you didn’t bat an eyelid when she said out of context things and made zero sense, you just smiled and listened. Reid had never adored you more than in that moment, sat across from his mother, listening to her rattle on. Reid was aware that he did the same sometimes, but you also listened to him when he was on one, and he loved you for it.
you had the weekend in Nevada, and after visiting Reid’s mother, he suggested going to several different places. you spent all weekend going around Nevada, taking pictures for your parents and videos for your own memory. you’d booked adjoining rooms in the hotel after some careful consideration, but that didn’t stop you from walking straight into Reid’s room in your hotel robe asking to borrow toothpaste because there was apparently none in your bathroom. the truth was there was toothpaste in your bathroom, you just wanted to see Reid.
it became a joke for you, and Reid was none the wiser, for a while.
Reid discovered when he was hanging out in your room that it was all a joke
after you had fell asleep watching a really bad movie, he went to turn the bathroom light off
only to find your own toothpaste sitting there on the bathroom sink, untouched
he realised what you’d done with a smirk and turned the bathroom light off
the next morning when you asked to borrow toothpaste again (purely to see him half-awake in bed) he said yes without hesitation and you let yourself into his room with a hidden smile
this was the first time he’d been part of an inside joke, and he loved it
you were in your short pyjamas, the heat of Nevada hadn’t been a joke, even with aircon in the rooms you found yourself hotter than usual. Reid watched as you entered his bathroom, taking the toothpaste, and returning to your bathroom. he smiled as you brushed your teeth, clueless to his newly acquired knowledge. he knew just what to do with it too.
when you got back to Virginia, you showed your parents some moments from the trip and they asked some very thought provoking questions.
“honey, this doctor guy seems lovely, are you sure it’s just a friendship?” your mother asked, watching you from across the kitchen. you smiled at her and nodded.
“we’re good friends, and good work colleagues, I couldn’t ask for more.” you replied, to which your father nodded.
“that’s all we can ask for, a good friend in your life.” your father then got up, walking over to you and your mother in the kitchen. he poured himself some coffee, thinking. you knew exactly what was coming.
“but,” you started to chuckle, “are you sure this isn’t something more?” you nodded in silence, and he walked away, not believing a word you said.
your mother eyed you up as you scrolled through the selfies of you and Spence in Nevada, and tutted. even she could see it, you were falling for this Spencer Reid character faster than you realised. still, she didn’t say anything, not yet at least. perhaps you’d come to the realisation once the trip became a memory and you thought about what a good time you had with your ‘work friend’.
you giggled to yourself whenever you thought about the toothpaste stunts you’d pulled, thinking Spence was none the wiser, until he dropped you off home one evening after work and then a few minutes later knocked on your front door.
“Spence?” you asked, opening the front door to let him in.
“hi, yeah, I actually meant to ask you something but it slipped my mind until just now.” he said, so casually. “I don’t have any toothpaste at home, could I borrow yours?” your cheeks betrayed you, as did your facial expression. Reid smiled devilishly at catching you out, and you brought your hands to your face.
“you knew the whole time? oh why didn’t you say?!” you laughed weakly, as Reid watched you unravel in your hallway. you looked straight at him, eyes twinkling with mischief, but face so hot. Reid closed your front door, leaving his hand on the handle.
“so?” he asked, eyes meeting yours. “can I borrow your toothpaste? or do I go home empty handed?” you finally got a hold on yourself, and pressed your lips together before facing him.
“Spencer Reid, are you asking me for toothpaste, or something else?” you asked, taking steps towards him.
“I think we both know the toothpaste isn’t what I’m here for.” he said it so calmly, looking at you with his beautiful, smart eyes.
you shared your first kiss with the charming Dr. Reid that night, and things only got better from there
anything toothpaste related was immediately taken the wrong way by you two, whether on your own or with company
you both tried to hide the blossoming relationship, but soon the others in the BAU noticed all of those funny little things that happened between you and Spencer, and it became hard to hide it without feeling like you were suffocating one another. there would be serious discussions ahead, and you were already preparing to be transferred to another team, but you could do it if it meant staying with Spencer. something told you that Hotch may be able to keep things as they were for the time being, if you both behaved.
and you’d both never do anything to disappoint Hotch, intentionally.
