LUNCH BREAKS AT THE BAU were a rare occurrence, and peaceful ones were practically nonexistent.
so when spencer quietly asked you to join him in his car for a moment of privacy, you couldn’t possibly say no.
the bullpen was loud, filled with agents and cases to be discussed, and even the break room wasn’t safe from the work chatter.
now you were here, sitting in the passenger seat of spencer’s old, slightly cluttered car. his bag sat in the back, along with a few scattered books and the faint smell of coffee lingered in the air.
he sat beside you, legs awkwardly angled in the tight space, his knee brushing yours every so often as he shifted around nervously.
“this feels risky,” spencer mumbled, his fingers fidgeting with the hem of his cardigan. his voice was a whisper as his eyes scanned around the parking lot, looking for any signs of movement though it was highly unlikely anybody from your team would make their way to the parking lot.
“you think everything’s risky, spence.” you teased, leaning a little closer to him. the corners of your mouth quirked up as you added, “but that doesn’t mean you’re not enjoying it.” —READ MORE!
his lips parted to respond, but instead of words, a soft laugh escaped his mouth. “i am,” he admitted, his cheeks flushing that same endearing pink. “it’s just.. you know how the others are already suspecting of our relationship— especially morgan! if he even suspects anything, he’ll—”
“—never let it go,” you finished for him, grinning. “i know. but we’re fine, spence. no one’s looking for us.”
he hesitated, his hand moving near yours on the console. you took the initiative, gently wrapping your fingers around his.
his hand was warm, a little clammy from nerves, but it fit perfectly in yours. that small touch seemed to ground him, and his shoulders relaxed slightly as he turned to look at you.
the way he looked at you. soft, hesitant, like he was still in awe that this was real—made your heart warm.
slowly, you leaned closer, your hand brushing against his cheek to bring him forward. he didn’t resist, tilting his head just enough to meet you halfway.
when your lips finally met, it was as sweet and careful as ever, his kiss unhurried and slow, as if he were savoring every second.
his hand rested lightly on your thigh, the touch barely there, yet it sent a sharp shiver down your spine nonetheless—as spencers touch always did.
spencer kissed you like you were the only thing that mattered in the world, and in moments like this, it felt like you were—no cases, no crime scenes, just you and him.
the kiss deepened naturally, getting more heated by the second—his lips getting needier and searching against yours.
you could still feel the nervous energy of making out in such an exposed area in the way his fingers tightened slightly around yours, but you also felt the trust in the way he leaned into you, his body relaxing more with each passing second.
until you heard it.
a sharp knock on the driver’s side window.
you and spencer both flinched so hard that you bumped into each other, breaking the kiss with an awkward clash of foreheads.
spencer let out a startled, high pitched “ow!” while you turned toward the window, your heart pounding in your chest.
there he was, grinning like a dog who just found a tiny new toy, stood derek morgan. he leaned down slightly, his hands around his eyes to see better through the glass. “am i interrupting something?” he asked, his voice muffled but unmistakably smug and teasing.
spencer’s face went red, and you and him froze like a deer in headlights. for a few seconds, neither of you moved, the tension thick in the cramped car.
finally, with great reluctance, spencer reached over and pressed the button to roll the window down.
the glass slid down with an agonizing slowness, revealing morgan’s face in full, his grin practically glowing.
“well, well, well,” he said, folding his arms on the window ledge. “what do we have here? dr. reid and…” he turned his gaze to you, raising an eyebrow. “i should’ve known. you’ve been sneaking off an awful lot lately.”
spencer’s mouth opened and closed a few times, no words managing to escape. his cheeks were so red you thought he might combust on the spot. “morgan, i—this isn’t—we weren’t—”
morgan held up a hand, cutting him off. “save it, pretty boy. i don’t need the explanation. i saw what i saw.” he glanced between the two of you, his grin somehow growing wider. “and might i just say—wow. didn’t think you had it in you, kid.”
you couldn’t help it, you burst out laughing. it was nervous laughter—sure, but it broke the tension, and you leaned back in your seat, shaking your head.
“come on morgan, don’t you have something better to do than stalk the parking lot?”
“oh, this is better,” morgan shot back, his tone teasing. he straightened up, giving spencer a pointed look.
“you’re lucky it was me and not hotch who caught you two sneaking around. or worse—garcia. you know how she loves gossip.”
spencer groaned, burying his face in his hands. “please don’t tell garcia,” he mumbled, his voice muffled by his hands.
morgan laughed, resting his hand on the car door. “relax, kid. your secret’s safe with me. for now.” he paused, his eyes twinkling with mischief. “but if you owe me a favor down the line, don’t be surprised if i cash it in, oh—make sure you kids don’t get too lost in the smooching, hotch was looking for you both earlier.”
with that, he turned and walked away, still chuckling to himself as he headed back toward the building.
you turned to spencer, who was still hiding behind his hands. “hey,” you said softly, nudging his knee with yours. “it’s okay. he’s just messing with us.”
spencer peeked at you through his fingers, his face still flushed. “this is exactly why i didn’t want anyone to find out,” he muttered.
you smiled, reaching over to gently pull his hands away from his face. “morgan isn’t going to tell anyone. and even if he does, who cares? they’re our friends. they’ll be happy for us.”
he looked at you for a long moment, his expression softening at your smile. “you’re too calm about this,” he said, his voice tinged with disbelief as he leaned his head into your shoulder.
“that’s because i know something you don’t,” you teased, leaning in closer.
“what’s that?”
“that no one could possibly tease you more than morgan just did,” you said, kissing him lightly on the cheek.
despite his anxiousness of the situation, spencer laughed, his shoulders finally relaxing. and even though the lunch break didn’t go as expected, at least the two of you wouldn’t have to hide away something so beautiful anymore—and that made it all the sweeter.
If you’d like to be a part of Aitana’s taglist, please let me know!
After a fight I have nothing to say except I need you, I want you, I miss you and I love you.
Aitana was dead silent in the conference room while the rest of the team went over the details of the recent abduction of Spencer Reid and Penelope Garcia. Truthfully, everyone's voices were mixing together in her ears. Everything was ringing and she couldn't concentrate. They knocked her down in the worst way possible.
"…the Believers have declared war on the BAU," Emily was saying, "So this has got to be working toward their end game, one that could make either Reid or Garcia their 300th victim, perhaps their last."
Aitana looked away from everyone. If she had that rogue agent in front of her…she would be capable of bad things.
"Garcia wasn't a part of this," JJ said, "She was just racing to the elevator. So it's Spence. It's been him all along. He's a protector. It fits the victimology."
Aitana didn't want to hear anymore. She left the room without saying a word and headed straight to her office.
It was there where JJ found her about half an hour later, pacing back and forth mumbling to herself quite frantically.
"Aitana? Aitana?" JJ couldn't seem to cut into whatever moment Aitana was stuck in. She finally decided to rush forwards and grabbed Aitana by the shoulders to force her to stop. "Hey, hey, hey! Aitana, come back!"
"It's my fault, it's my fault…" Aitana anxiously bit into her index nail, "JJ, it's my fault they took Spencer and Penelope. It's my fault."
"What are you talking about, Aitana?" JJ scrunched her nose. "It is not your fault."
"It is! I should have waited for them but noo…" Aitana smiled sourly, "I wanted to make a point to stay away from Spencer. Well, I got what I wanted."
JJ walked Aitana to one of the desk chairs and sat her down then took the next chair for herself. "I know you don't see it, but it is not your fault. None of us knew what was going to happen. We had no idea that Meadows was part of the cult. It wasn't your fault!"
Aitana shook her head fervently. "He would have gone with me and Penelope if it wasn't for our fight. God, we're always fighting and I hate it!"
"It's been a hard year for you two," JJ said with a hand over Aitana's for comfort, "It's…it's understandable."
"It didn't have to be like this," Aitana said, trying to calm her breathing down. It was a one way ticket to crying and she did not want to go there. "He didn't have to-to push me away like that and he did. I hated him for it. I loved him, I wanted to be there for him…"
JJ nodded to her words, giving Aitana the comfort to vent. God knows she needed to do it with someone she wouldn't end up shouting at. Truthfully, JJ (and the others) were just as confused as Aitana was. Things shouldn't have gone this far, and they did.
If there was anyone more stubborn than the world itself, it was Spencer Reid. Once something got into his head, it never faded. Shortly after he was imprisoned, he told Aitana he didn't want her to have anything to do with him. He didn't want her to visit him, talk to him, send him anything. As devastated as she had been, fury very quickly seeped through. How dare he make that decision for both of them? How dare he not take her opinion and feelings into consideration?
The rest of their friends thought that when Spencer was finally free, things would get better for the couple. Why wouldn't it?
It didn't. It actually, somehow, got worse. They did not get back together, not even close. They fought constantly. They could barely work together without it ending in some kind of argument. It was catastrophic, to say the least, and — in many's opinion — tragic. They had been really good together. They complimented each other and most of all, they made each other happy.
"This whole year has been the worst year of my life," Aitana's voice shook, "And I've had plenty of bad ones before coming to work for the BAU. I thought…I thought after everything, we'd figure it out but we…we couldn't."
"It's not too late," JJ said with an encouraging smile, "Every couple fights and, yeah, most couples don't go through what you and Spencer have but it doesn't mean it's over."
Aitana scoffed and laughed bitterly. "He thought it should have been over a long time ago."
"He was thinking about you and it sucked but he wanted to protect you," JJ shrugged. "Spence hasn't really had a lot of things to care for except for his mother. I don't think he handled it perfectly, but he did try. And call me crazy, but I think all those arguments just stem from the fact that you still have feelings for each other."
"The amount of things we've argued about would suggest we want to drown each other instead," Aitana swallowed hard.
"Aitana…" JJ gave her a playful hard look, "Is it really all it meant? There's absolutely nothing else?"
Aitana lowered her gaze to her lap. "Course," she mumbled. "I would take it all back if it meant I could fix things."
Another smile came to JJ's face then. "Well then, let's solve this case and get you and Spence in a room to talk. I'll bet after everything, he's missing you too."
"I don't know," Aitana gulped, "The last time we saw each other we argued again…and I…" It looked like she was struggling to keep herself together. Tears were building in her eyes. "He was making me so mad and I-I wanted to hurt him so I said…"
JJ saw the first tears begin to roll down from her eyes. "Hey, you don't need to—"
"I told him…" Aitana sniffled, "I wished I had never met him. That my life would have been so much better without his presence, without his touch. That is the last thing I said to the man I supposedly love. That." She shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut as more tears spilled through. "What kind of person in love says that? I'm awful. If he does get out of this, he definitely shouldn't look my way. I don't deserve him."
"No, no, no, that's not where this ends," JJ said sternly. "You were mad and you said the first thing that popped into your head. As far as stinging, that definitely worked. But you know what? Maybe that's what Spencer needed to hear to get his shit together. It's not just you, Aitana. You both have some things you need to work on but to do that, you need to sit down and talk. So c'mon, we have to go back out there and bring his ass back. I'll lock you two in thus office myself if I need to but mark my words, there will be no more arguments from you two except about, I don't know, where you're having dinner next."
Aitana managed a little chuckle through her tears. "I'd like that so much…"
"Then let's get to work," JJ declared, "We have a lot of things to do so wipe those years and get up."
Aitana nodded and cleared the tears from her face. She stood up and faced JJ. "Do you think he'll forgive me for what I said?"
JJ chuckled lightly. "Trust me, in these moments, I bet he's thinking of all the good things you guys had. Nothing can ruin that."
Aitana continued to nod, trying to convince herself that JJ was right. She had no other choice, really. She had to continue believing.
~0~
Running with the idea that Spencer was the last target for the cult, the team dug up as much as they could on each member, starting with Agent Meadows. It turned out she had hidden 299 murders belonging to the cult, making the special number '300'.
Things made another turn when Penelope appeared in the bullpen. She had escaped from the cult with Spencer's help. She had the location of the warehouse they were kept in and while the others went to scope it out, Aitana stayed behind to help Penelope out.
Penelope sat in Aitana's office trying to get herself together. Aitana was outside talking to the medic who had checked Penelope out. A few minutes later, she walked into her office.
"Medics cleared you," she announced, though she knew it would make no real difference to Penelope. She was very shaken and with good reason after everything she went through.
"They didn't hurt me," Penelope said, "I was just the bait and a hacker."
"What did they need you to hack?" Aitana asked curiously.
"I had to hack the AVI, the Automated Vehicle ID, and create clean histories for each of the trucks the cult had so they wouldn't have to stop on the road…"
"Oh boy," Aitana breathed out. "I have to tell the others quickly…" She phoned Emily to give her the news and inadvertently found out that the warehouse was cleared out.
"I'm sorry," Penelope apologized profusely. "I did a very bad, bad thing. I wanted to see Reid, so I had to…"
"You did what you had to," Aitana said, assuring Penelope nobody blamed her. She bent down in front of Penelope with the biggest smile she could muster in these times. "And we're going to figure it out…like we always do. I'm going to get you something too much on. My mother always said 'when you get scared, a good salted cracker or bread is the way to go'."
Penelope chuckled at that but was happy to partake in the tradition.
Aitana patted Penelope's hand and straightened up to leave.
"Spencer wanted me to tell you something," Penelope stopped Aitana by the door.
"What?" she looked at the blonde, confused.
"He was sorry…"
"Sorry?"
Penelope nodded. "I-I know it probably means nothing coming from me but…it has to mean something big from him, right?"
Aitana couldn't decide what exactly she felt knowing about this message. In truth two words meant pretty much nothing but if it was coming from Spencer, it did carry more meaning.
"Thank you, Penelope," she said quietly and walked out of the office. She wished she could see Spencer right now.
~0~
They ultimately managed to track the cult to a garden location in Kentucky. They flew as soon as they could and during the flight, they worked to pinpoint the exact location they would be heading to.
They gathered with SWAT around the garden. The cult had a few guards spread around while the rest were gathered in a ceremony. The head of it, Merva had brought Spencer to the middle with Meadows.
If anyone would have asked, Aitana would have fired the first shot…but apparently that would be wrong.
Merva bound Spencer with leather straps in preparation for the sacrifice while chanting some sermon crap. Meanwhile, the team and SWAT went around taking out the guards one by one. It wasn't until one of them spotted Rossi that they had to out themselves and fire first.
As soon as the first shot rang, Merva stopped the sacrifice to see what happened. Meadows had a few others follow her towards the sound and that's when everything happened at once.
Emily fired first, striking the guards right in front of the ceremony block. Those with guns from the cult fired back, prompting a fight between those sides. Aitana fired straight at Merva who'd been holding the knife in his hand, not once but twice.
Finally, those remaining from the cult backed down. While the arrests were happening, Aitana went straight to Spencer to untie him.
"The paramedics are just outside!" she exclaimed, ripping the leather straps off his wrists. "We'll get you out there and they'll—""
But Spencer cut her off with a bear hug as soon as she'd taken the last strap off him. He'd grabbed her so quickly that she gasped and froze for a moment. He buried his head in the crook of her neck and held her impossibly close to him. Little by little, the emotions got to Aitana and before she knew it, she wrapped her arms around him too. She closed her arms and relished the moment.
~ 0 ~
The BAU had many loose ends to wrap up before they could officially close the case. With Meadows' intervention in ViCap, it now fell on the BAU to look into all the cases she had ever mishandled. Emily told the team it was a big job that could be handled later, not tonight. They were exhausted and deserved to go home.
Aitana was not sure what she wanted to do that night except to get that opportunity with Spencer again. It seemed like he was on a similar page because just as she meant to leave her office in search of him, she crashed into him at the door.
"Can I come in?" he asked her before he lost his courage.
Luckily for him, she nodded and allowed him inside. "You should be heading home to rest," she said quietly and closed the door.
"I'll have plenty of time for that later," he said, turning to face her. "I needed to see you…talk to you…"
Aitana nodded immediately. "Me too!"
"I told Penelope to tell you—"
"She told me," Aitana said, sighing, "And I've been thinking and…I'm sorry too, Spence. I should have never said the things I told you last time we saw each other. I was really angry — it's no excuse, I know — and I said what I thought would hurt most. As bad as things are between us, I would never wish that. I'd take all the bad stuff just to keep our good memories. I'd never regret meeting you. I'm sorry."
"This is all my fault," Spencer said and reiterated it when Aitana tried to take the blame. "It all started when I was locked away and I should have fixed it when I got out."
Tears began building up in Aitana's eyes; she bit the inside of her cheek in an attempt to keep them in. "Yeah, why'd you do that to me, Spence? I-I loved you…I still do…"
"Because as smart as I think I am, I'm the most brainless man out there…" Spencer reached forward to dry away some of her tears, "I'll never forgive myself for hurting you like that. I only wanted you to have a good life away from me. I didn't want your reputation to be tarnished because you and I were together."
"I don't care what anyone else has to say about us," Aitana said, "I never have."
"I know," Spencer nodded. "I shouldn't have done it, I know. And I should have spent this year trying to fix things too."
"Why didn't you?" Aitana meekly asked. "Why didn't you try? Because as soon as you got out, it felt like you were angry with me."
"I was angry at everything," Spencer clarified. "It doesn't make it better, I know, but it's the truth. I was angry and everything bothered me and then when it died down, I felt like the world would find a way to hit me again. I didn't want to take you with me."
"You were self-sabotaging yourself," Aitana sighed lightly. "If you'd just told me all of this—"
"I know, I'm sorry," Spencer lowered his head with shame and guilt, "I'm really sorry about everything. I'll never stop apologizing, I swear…"
Aitana touched his cheek and gently raised his head to meet his gaze. "Well, there has to be a moment where it ends or else we'll never be able to move on. I want to move on, Spence. I want to move onto happier things with you. So, yes, you need to stop apologizing at some point."
"You think we can move on from all this?" Spencer asked with genuine fear in his eyes.
Aitana didn't waste a second before nodding her head. "Every day for the past year, I've woken up hoping that we could fix things. I want to…do you?"
Like her, Spencer nodded his head fast. Her face softened as she stroked his cheek. She gingerly touched the cut on the side of his forehead, asking him if he was going to be okay.
Spencer was looking lovingly at her, not feeling any kind of pain in that moment. "I'll be fine now…"
Aitana blushed when she met his gaze. She pushed some of his hair out of the way, being careful with his injuries. "So tomorrow when I wake up…"
"I'll be waiting for you with some sweet coffee," Spencer said confidently, "just the way you like it."
"Mm, with condensed milk?"
Spencer chuckled. "And caramel too…" His nose scrunched at the thought of it, like he always did. He was not a lover of sweet things and even then, Aitana took it to the next level.
"That sounds perfect," Aitana hummed excitedly, "Careful not to break that promise or I may have to hunt you down."
"I won't, I swear on my life," Spencer said firmly. "Can I take you home?"
"Take me home, come in, stay over — whatever you want."
"That's tempting," Spencer leaned his forehead against hers, careful with the cut on his forehead, although with the way Aitana was looking up at him, he could take a bullet and not feel it right now.
She ultimately drew him in with an alluring smile and before he knew it, he was kissing her. After that, the choice about where he would be spending the night was very, very clear.
A/N:
I actually want to get to the later seasons in their fic because it is angsty af in the show xD.
As always, I have Fanfic/Wattpad accounts under "noblecrescent" and a tumblr account under "saiilorstars" if you'd like to follow :)
Prompt - ‘A person could hold a longing in them all their life, but every now and again it broke the surface and breathed.’
Sometimes it was easier to distance yourself from a situation, when you could see it playing out in front of you, could see that you were only setting yourself up for heartbreak, setting yourself up to fail, it was easier to take a step back and reevaluate the situation.
It was the smart thing to do, taking yourself away from the situation would save you a world of pain, of hurt, of wasting your nights away thinking about the what if’s. And you were smart, you usually put yourself first and could deal with things not going your way.
But when it came to him…god you felt like you were the dumbest person alive. You’d tried at the beginning, you really had tried to step back, to put some distance between the growing friendship when you realised your eyes gazed at his smile for too long, when you realised you were doing anything to hear his laugh, you really had taken a step back and thought of the pros and cons.
There hadn’t been too many cons but there was one major one that stopped you telling him how you felt.
Penelope Garcia also liked him.
You could see it a mile away, could see it in the way she insulted him and complained about him behind his back. You could see it in the stolen glances both of them risked and the smiles that pulled at their faces when the other looked away.
You knew letting your feelings develop would only hurt you but by the time you had realised they were there it was too late.
Luke and you had been fast friends, it hadn’t taken more than a conversation or two for you to feel comfortable around him; to start smiling naturally around him. The two of you worked well together, easily able to read each other without a word and moving together silently to catch whatever unsub you were dealing with. It hadn’t taken long for Hotch to notice and the two of you were paired together more often than not nowadays.
The close bond you’d developed at work bled into your personal lives and it wasn’t long before you were spending as much time at the other's house as you were your own. Luke had a draw of your things in his place, clothing and toiletries swapped from your to go bag into his draw and bathroom, his hoodies had found their way into your closest as his own spare sets of clothes lay in their own draw and a collection of Roxy’s toys and spare bowls occupied a corner of your living room like they’d always been there.
By the time you realised you liked Luke it was too late, you and Luke’s lives were so connected, the daily routines you had made around each other were too developed. You tried putting some distance between the two of you, tried keeping it professional and only seeing him at work but Luke hadn’t let that last for more than a few days before he called you out on why you were avoiding him. Obviously you hadn’t been able to tell him the real reason and that had left you standing in front of him like an idiot as your mouth opened and closed before you were saved by Hotch calling you all into brief on the newest case.
Distance hadn’t worked, so instead you tried just shoving your feelings down. Naturally that also didn’t work but there wasn’t much else you could do. It was hard to hide how you felt, watching as Penelope and Luke went back and forth with each other and having to hide how much it hurt you was difficult at the best of times but when you were surrounded by some of the best profilers in the country…well it was nearly impossible. Thankfully though most of the team hadn’t noticed, you were pretty sure Rossi knew from the sympathetic looks he shot you but he had never called you out on it so you didn’t mind you hadn’t completely been able to hide it.
It had been years since Luke had joined the team and not much had changed, Luke and Penelope had only gotten more comfortable around each other, you had continued to fall harder and harder for Luke as each day passed and kept on shoving it so far down until it hurt.
“Y’know,” Rossi said from your side, causing you to startle as you hadn’t heard him. You had been too busy watching Luke lean against the counter, giving Penelope a soft smile as she had her back turned to him, their words not loud enough for you to hear from your desk. “Sometimes we put other people’s happiness above our own too much.”
You turned away from the break area and looked at Rossi who was leaning against your desk, looking at you with a soft look of concern.
“Rossi,” you began with a sigh, “I’m not about to ruin my friendship with Penelope just to get rejected.”
“Who said anything about rejection?” Rossi shot back, his lips twitching upwards as you rolled your eyes and gestured discreetly over to the pair.
“Seriously, Rossi? Aren’t you meant to be one of the best profilers? They like each other, I’ve known that for years now so any hurt I’m feeling is on me.” You told him, trying to keep your voice firm but it shook a little, betraying you, not that you could hide much from Rossi.
“Y/N,” Rossi sighed, bringing his hand up to rest on yours but you shook your head and pulled away from him as you stood from your seat.
“Please just drop it, Rossi.” You pleaded softly and Rossi just nodded at you sadly, watching as you walked away.
Luke’s attention was pulled away from Penelope and over to you, his smile softening as he watched you and Rossi talking amongst yourselves. It only took a moment before his eyebrows knitted together as he watched you swallow hard, your jaw tensing as you listened to whatever Rossi was saying. It was when you stood up that he took a step forward without meaning to, noticing how shaky your hands were even as you clenched them in a fist to hide it.
He watched as you left the room and missed the way Rossi’s eyes followed him as he left after you.
“Hey,” he called and watched as you tensed before seemingly forcing yourself to relax as you stopped and waited for him to catch up to you with a few quick strides. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” you told him as you looked past his shoulder rather than at him. “Rossi and I were just, it doesn’t matter, everything’s fine.”
“Y/N,” he murmured softly and watched as your jaw tightened slightly, “c’mon talk to me.”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” you told him, keeping your voice as even as you could before taking a steadying breath. “Listen, if there was something to talk about I’d tell you, ok?” You lied and watched as Luke looked over you once more before nodding.
“Alright,” he said with a smile and you felt yourself relax, sure maybe you and Luke would never be a thing and you would spend so much time longing over what could have been but Luke was still here, he was still smiling at you, he was still your friend and that was enough.
It had to be.
“You wanna get some lunch?” He asked you, keeping his tone light and smile in place. “My hands cramping from all this paperwork.”
You laughed and suddenly Luke felt his smile become more real, of course he was still worried over whatever you and Rossi had been talking about but if you wouldn’t talk to him then the least he could do was take your mind off it.
“Sure, I could use a break.” You answered and mirrored his expression back to him even if it did carry a hint of sadness in it, you would savour any moment you had with Luke, dating or not.
“Good, my treat.” He insisted and when you went to open your mouth he shushed you before he broke out into a grin and wrapped his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into him as he led you to the elevator.
And so it passed like that for a long time, you forcing yourself to be content just being Luke’s friend, watching as him and Penelope settled into whatever kind of relationship they had going and your feelings for Luke just never letting up, never giving you a break.
You thought it might have been easier when Penelope left, much as you hated the thought because you loved Penelope, she was one of your best and closest friends, but not having to watch her and Luke every day at work made it easier to ignore your feelings, ignore the hurt you hated feeling when you saw them together.
It had been easier for a while until covid hit and the team was pulled apart, you and Luke were pulled apart. Where Luke, JJ and Rossi got to stay with the BAU, Spencer and Matt had been sent on secret missions that only Emily, with her promotion, and the other FBI higher ups were allowed to know about, Tara had been sent well honestly you were even sure where she was now but you hadn’t seen here in too long and then there was you.
You had been requested back with the FBI’s Undercover and Sensitive Operation Unit, a job you had worked for years prior to transferring to the BAU. You hadn’t minded at first, honestly you hardly protested at all, Emily promised it was a three month assignment and then everyone would be back together and as much as the thought of not seeing Luke for three months ached another part of you needed it.
But now it had been three years, the undercover mission you had originally been assigned to long since complete, along with four others and here you were in California deep undercover as you worked a drug case. You and Luke hadn’t seen each other for more than a few minutes in nearly two years and now here you were on opposite ends of the country, not even able to call each other for fear of blowing the operation.
Thankfully you were nearing the end of this operation, waiting on one last bit of evidence that would find all the big names in jail before the week was over. It only took two more days before you were in a hotel room, dreading the call where you’d have to decline another operation because…honestly you were drained. You missed your team, you’d done three years of back to back undercover work and you just wanted to go home.
You missed your friends, missed your own bed, your own identity. You missed Luke. God, you missed him so bad. You didn’t know what was happening with him anymore, three years ago the two of you couldn’t have imagined going a day without seeing each other yet alone nearly two years.
You used to love your position with the undercover unit but after spending so much time with the BAU you knew that was where you were meant to be. Just as you sat on the bed and picked your phone up to call Emily and plead with her to get you back it lit up with a call from Luke.
You felt some of the tension leave you just seeing his name before your eyes went wide and you quickly answered it. Luke never called, he knew it was dangerous to call you and you hadn’t let him know your operation was over.
Something was wrong.
“Hey, can you talk?” He asked, a smile on his face as the video call connected but he kept his voice hushed.
“Luke,” You breathed out, cursing yourself as you felt your eyes sting at hearing him for the first time in months, you took a shaky breath before nodding. “I finished my op today, I was just about to call Emily and then you.”
“Oh thank God!” Luke breathed a sigh of relief as his smile broke out into a grin, “I’ve missed you, Y/N/N.”
“I miss you too.” You choked out, feeling the tears you’d tried to blink away well up and you shook your head as you let out a shaky laugh. “I miss you so much.”
You didn’t care if Luke pieced it together, didn’t care that right now you were just too tired to push down your feelings, didn’t care that they had been dragged up to the surface so abruptly and it was too much. You didn’t know if Luke and Penelope were together, you knew they had gone on a date before everything had been ripped apart so you hadn’t exactly been able to keep up to date with how it had gone but right now you didn’t care.
You just wanted Luke.
“Hey, hey, you’re alright.” Luke murmured softly, his own eyes tearing up as he swallowed around the lump in his throat.
“I’m sorry,” you sniffed as you wiped at your eyes, “I’m sorry, I’m just so tired, Luke. I just want to come home, I miss everyone so much, I miss you. I’m gonna call Emily and see if she can arrange for me to come back because I can’t do another six months away.”
“Well then I’m glad I called,” Luke smiled and your eyebrows knitted together as you looked at him but before you could say anything Luke spoke, “we’ve got a situation down here and we need you back.”
You let out a laugh that sounded more like a sob causing Luke to grin at you through the phone and you grinned back even as more tears slid down your cheeks.
“Thank you.” You managed to choke out and Luke’s smile widened even more.
Luke had briefed you on what they had so far which, admittedly, wasn’t much. He gave you the rundown and had one of the new tech analysts send you over whatever else they had so once you boarded the plane you filled the five hour flight with getting up to speed with the case.
By the time you landed it was already midday so you got an uber to your apartment, took a quick shower and only spared half of a longing glance towards your bed before changing into some work clothes and heading over to join everyone else.
You felt a wave of relief hit you once you were in the elevator and nearly cried with happiness as the door opened and you could see your desk. You walked in and saw through the window that everyone had gathered in the round table room so made your way up the stairs and stood in the doorway.
It only took a moment for Emily to glance over at you before her face lit up and she made her way over to you, her arms already open and you easily went into them wrapping your arms around her and forcing yourself not to cry.
“Oh it is so good to see you.” She said and you could only nod into her shoulder and grip her a little bit tighter. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t get you back sooner.”
You nodded again into her shoulder and pulled away from her, giving her a shaky smile. You opened your mouth to tell her it was ok but you were stopped when you saw movement behind her, glancing over her shoulder to see Luke standing up and staring at you with wide, also watery, eyes.
“Y/N.” Luke said softly, so softly you almost didn’t hear him, especially over the sound of your heart pounding in your chest.
Emily looked between the two of you as she stepped aside but you hardly noticed her any more as you took two steps forward, Luke moved forward to and pulled you into his arms, you practically melted into them, unable to stop the tears as you buried your head in Luke’s chest and he gripped the back of your jacket tightly in his fists.
“I missed you so much.” He whispered into your hair and you nodded against him, letting out a shaky breath before you were able to speak.
“I missed you too, every day, every single day.” You told him, the words muffled against his shirt but he heard them clearly and you squeezed your eyes shut tightly when you felt him press a gentle, lingering kiss to the top of your head.
The two of you didn’t move, content to stay in each other’s arms after going so long without seeing each other, needing to feel the other against you, hear them breathing and feel them in your arms to reassure yourself that they were here. You probably would have stayed like that all day if you were interrupted.
“Alright, alright we get it, you two missed each other.” Rossi said, causing you to jump slightly and feel more than hear Luke’s chuckle. “But other people missed you too, kid.”
You grinned into Luke’s chest even as your cheeks were stained with tears before pulling away, looking up at him and feeling your cheeks heat up to see him smiling so softly at you. You finally glanced away and looked over to Rossi who winked at you causing you to laugh softly before you let him pull you into a tight hug.
“I missed you too, Rossi.” You murmured, brushing one hand up and down his back as you lowered your voice slightly, knowing that everyone else in the room could still hear but it didn’t matter. “And I’m really sorry I couldn’t be here for you-”
“Hey now, none of that.” Rossi interrupted and pulled you away from him before placing his hands on your cheeks and gently brushing the tears away causing you to smile sadly at him. “I’m okay and you’re back now, nothing else matters.”
Your heart ached as you looked at Rossi, losing Krystall had taken its toll on him but he was right you were back and he was ok, things would be ok. Rossi patted your cheeks gently before he pulled you close and placed a kiss on your forehead causing your smile to brighten.
“It’s really good to have you back, kid.”
And you were back, immediately thrown into work with no more catching up with anyone. It was impossible to crack anything without Penelope and your heart ached something fierce when Luke offered to go and try to get her back. You’d forgotten how much this bit hurt, for three years you hadn’t had time to dwell on it, too wrapped up in your undercover work to even think about your actual life but now it was like you never left.
You shook your head and focused back on the case at hand, working away until Luke walked back into the room and handed a hot mug which you took gratefully.
“How’d it go with Penelope?” You asked and watched as he shook his head with a frown.
“I get it, you know?” He said and your eyebrows knitted together as you waited for him to carry on. “This job takes its toll on all of us but her, it took everything she had and she never complained. I hate that we’re trying to drag her back into this.”
“If there was another option you’d take it, even if it took longer to crack the case, you’d take it to protect Penelope. This isn’t on you, Luke, whatever happens in this case, if Penelope comes back and it’s too much, that’s not on you.” You assumed they were together, they had to be, it had been years since their first date and there was no denying their chemistry, so you’d sit back like you always had and not get it in the way of that, no matter how much you selfishly wanted to after being away for so long.
“God, I’ve missed having you around.” Luke breathed out and you smiled over at him. “When this case is over I’m taking you out for dinner, it’s my turn to buy.”
“I’ll hold you to that.” You laughed and shifted closer to him, close enough that your arms brushed against each other and you hesitated for a moment before letting yourself have one selfish moment, Luke wouldn’t think too much of it, you’d been gone for so long it made sense you’d be a bit more clingy.
You let your head rest against his shoulder and felt Luke relax into the touch as he gently rested his head on top of yours, tilting slightly so he could press a kiss into your hair as he did. Neither of you spoke, both of you were content where you were.
That brief moment of peace was all you were able to steal before you were separated again, Luke working with JJ on finding a connection as you stayed with Penelope, who had thankfully come back because you seriously didn’t know how you were going to finish this case without her.
You desperately wanted to ask Penelope about her and Luke, wanted to know as badly as you didn’t want to know but you couldn’t ask her yet. Now wasn’t the time, right now you had to focus on the case.
“I’m telling you I hate this guy, hate him! I mean first he brings me back to this job and I love you people, Y/N, you know I love you with my whole heart but I was out! And then he refuses to work with me, like I’m the problem, me! And now, now Rossi and Emily are teaming up and making me work with him.” Penelope ranted as the two of you walked to the ballpen, a smile on your face as you listened to her.
God, you really had missed being back.
“Good luck.” You grinned as you made your way over to your desk, Luke already leaning against it, as Penelope turned to glare at you before disappearing into the room with Tyler Green.
“Think Rossi will be able to get anywhere with him?” You heard JJ ask as you joined them, leaning against the desk next to Luke who was looking towards the briefing room with a fond grin.
“I think the real question is, will he survive Garcia? It looks like Tyler Green is Garcia's Most Hated." Luke said, amusement clear in his tone and you smiled even as you felt a pang of hurt at the affection in his voice.
“Sounds like you miss it, buddy.” Tara said with a grin and Luke chuckled warmly as he turned back to you all.
“No. He can have that title.” Luke said, the fondness in his expression staying even as you got to work on the case, pointedly ignoring every time you and Luke brushed against each other.
The case seemed to lead to more dead ends than anything else, victims and witnesses refusing to help and share their story, share who their attacker was, it was driving you crazy.
“Here,” Luke said, handing you a warm to go cup and a sandwich from the coffee shop down the road. “You look like you can use a break.”
“God you’re the best, Luke Alvez.” You grinned as you took the items from him and both sat at your desk. “I feel like I can’t complain though, I mean this case is rough but I’ve missed being here.”
“We never did get a chance to talk about your undercover ops.” Luke prompted after swallowing a bite of his own sandwich. “I know you can’t say much but are you ok? I mean from what little you told me and what I was able to piece together from Emily, it seems like it was just back to back assignments with no chance to breathe.”
“I don’t know, I mean, it’s the unit I worked with before the BAU so I already knew how hard it was but…I don’t know, Luke. I mean I’m tired, I’m exhausted but I also haven’t had a moment to think about adjusting back from that to this. It’ll hit me at some point, it always does, but I guess we’ve been so busy here it just hasn’t yet.” You told him, wishing you could go into detail but even if you were allowed to you wouldn’t share it with anyone, especially Luke, he didn’t need to know the horrors you’d seen out there.
Luke reached over and cupped his hand on your knee, giving it a gentle squeeze before letting it rest there as he spoke.
“You call me, the second it hits you, you call me and I’ll be there.” Luke promised and gave you a stern look that caused you to smile before you nodded.
“I promise.” You swore and Luke nodded once seriously before a smile broke out on his face and he switched the conversation to a lighter topic and if your gaze stayed locked on his smile for longer than necessary, well you were allowed to be a little bit selfish sometimes.
“Give me a minute,” you interrupted Luke as you watched Penelope leave the briefing room looking shaken. Luke turned to follow your gaze and frowned in concern but watched the two of you leave together and he knew Penelope was in good hands.
“Hey, what happened?” You asked softly as the two of you entered Penelope’s office.
“I don’t want to talk about it but that guy, Tyler Green, is a jerk and he infuriates me.” Penelope fumed and you nodded at her, knowing her well enough to see she’d shut down even more if you carried on questioning her.
“Alright, so we won’t talk about it.” You agreed easily and she turned to face you with a grateful look. “We’re still waiting for leads to be verified so I’m free until they call me away.”
“How are you?” Penelope suddenly asked and you frowned at her, did you really look so bad that both Luke and Penelope were concerned? “Sorry, I just meant, this whole Sicarius thing has been constant since we both came back, I missed you like crazy and we’re together again and haven’t spoken about anything but this stupid case.”
“I’m okay,” you told her, unsure why you were lying so easily to her but hadn’t been able to tell Luke the same thing. “Once this case is over we’ll have a girls night but for now, I really just want to focus on this case.”
“You’ll tell me if you need anything, won’t you? Even just a hug.” Penelope asked and you couldn’t help but chuckle warmly at her as you nodded, a surge of love filling you as you looked at your best friend.
This is why you stayed silent all those years, why you let yourself fall in love with Luke Alvez without a word. It was because you loved Penelope Garcia, she was your best friend and if Luke made her happy then you would never get between that.
“What’s going on?” You asked Luke as you slipped back into the bullpen a while later and Luke shifted closer to you as he filled you in on the new lead, telling you that there was something connected to Sicarius in Georgia.
“JJ, Luke, I want the two of you in Georgia by nightfall.” Emily commanded and you couldn’t help but frown slightly, watching as Luke’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion as he glanced between you and Emily, even JJ looked slightly surprised you and Luke weren’t being paired together.
“Um, yeah sure, on it.” JJ murmured as she tapped Luke’s arm and gestured for him to follow her.
“Be safe.” You told him softly and he took your hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze before nodding and turning to follow JJ and you could only watch him leave before turning to Emily who spoke before you could.
“I need you in with Tyler Green, Garcia refuses to work with him, see if he knows anything about Benjamin Reeves and get him and Garcia on the case together.” She said, passing a file to you before turning on her heel and walking away.
You sighed before heading into the briefing room and placing the file down.
“You’re new.” Tyler said as he lifted his gaze to you and you nodded at him.
“Agent Y/L/N.” You told him before jumping right into why you were here. “Benjamin Reeves, does that name ring a bell to you?”
“Well hello to you too,” he muttered but you just sat down next to him and pulled the tablet close to you. “Reeves, no, never heard of him. Should I have?”
“Maybe, he’s a possible Sicarius connection we’re looking into, could be nothing, could be something.” You explained, turning to face Tyler. “ Reeves had a thing for biting people, a wannabe cannibal.”
“Now that rings a bell.” Tyler told you and you raised an eyebrow, gesturing for him to continue. “Look up the term ‘overbite’, you should get something.”
It took you a few minutes to pull the servers up, you weren’t bad with technology but you were no Penelope Garcia and all of this looked like a different language to you. Eventually you had overbite searched up and results appeared. You and Tyler went through the chats together, him explaining the private chats to you as you searched for something.
“I don’t get it.” You murmured to yourself causing Tyler to raise an eyebrow at you.
“Get what?” He asked when you didn’t say anything else and just continued to stare at the screen.
“A rich kid like him, he has everything, there’s no way Sicarius found a way to convince Reeves to kill himself when things got bad. This Sicarius, much as I hate the bastard, is smart, he’s planned for every version of events, every contingency, so why bring Reeves in?” You questioned, not so much directing them to Tyler but needing to work through it aloud.
“Think about it,” Tyler said and you turned to look at him expectantly. “Sicarius has this whole operation, something like this costs money. Your Reeves guy, he’s the funding, I’d bet Reeves knows all about Sicarius’ operation and he has special privileges.”
“But soon enough Reeves’ will just be a loose end.” You realised, standing up to go and tell Emily they needed to find Benjamin Reeves.
You didn’t have a good feeling about this.
Before you left the room you turned to Tyler, you needed Penelope on this case and Tyler seemed to be proving useful.
“Listen, we need to know everything Reeves and Sicarius are talking about. We need to find out what their plans are. This could be our shot at Sicarius. Now I can’t do it, you don’t know where this private forum is but…” You said watching the man sigh before he interrupted you to finish your sentence.
“Penelope can. Fine, bring her back in.” He told you and you laughed at him before shaking your head.
“I have a serial killer to help catch, you’re gonna have to grovel and get her back yourself.” You grinned at him and watched him put his head in his hands. “Talk to Rossi, he’s good at messing up with women and winning them back.”
“Emily!” You called as you watched her enter the room, jogging down to meet her half way. “Tell me you still have Reeves’ here.”
“No, he was let go.” She told you and you cursed softly causing her to frown. “What is it?”
“We need to get to him. Now.” You told her and you were already moving past her, nearly knocking into the Deputy Director.
Both of them followed you out and into one of the SUV’s as you filled Emily in on your theory that Reeves’ was a lot closer to Sicarius than any of you had originally thought, that Reeves could be the one to lead you to the head of the network.
“Fuck!” You cursed as you all entered the house and saw the Senator dead on the floor, bite marks clear on her face and body and you turned away from her, not able to feel anything but anger at the thought of your best lead slipping away.
The ride back to the office was quiet and you prayed Penelope had managed to find something, no doubt that Tyler would have listened to you and convinced her back to the case. You checked your phone before getting out of the car and forced yourself to breathe when you saw Luke hadn’t texted you back.
As you and Emily walked in Tara was already making her way over to you with a tablet in hand.
“Benjamin Reeves' jet just touched down at the Municipal Airport in Whitfield County, Georgia." She told you both urgently.
“What?” You said, frowning as you snatched the tablet of her and read over it.
“That's where he said the ‘buried treasure’ was.” Emily murmured as she looked over your shoulder and down at the tablet.
“Something's not right.” You said as you pushed the tablet into Emily’s hands and pulled your phone out, already pulling up Luke’s contact.
“What...he should be flying to Brazil. Why would he lead us to more evidence?” Emily asked in confusion as she thought back to their conversation.
“You think it's a trap?” Tara asked her but Emily shook her head.
“No. I think Benjamin Reeves is a patsy and he's too dumb to know it.” She said.
“I’m calling Luke, I’ll let him know him and JJ have company.” You said, phone already against your ear as you spoke.
“Hey Y/N/N, we’ve just got here, how’s everything back there?” He asked and you felt a shiver of fear run through you, something really wasn’t right with this case and it had you on edge. Every part of you wanted to tell Luke to fall back, that it was a dead end and to come home, part of you wanted to scream at Emily for not letting you go with Luke.
“Reeves is coming to you.” You said instead and pushed everything down into the same space you kept your feelings for Luke. “His jet just landed there, be careful Luke.”
“Hey, I’ll be fine.” Luke assured but something in you wasn’t letting you relax.
“Luke,” you breathed into the phone and you heard him tell JJ to wait a second, there was some rustling and you assumed he was taking the phone off speaker and moving a few steps away from JJ.
“Talk to me, what’s wrong?” He asked and you shook your head, seeing Tara and Emily looking over at you and you followed Luke’s lead as you moved into the hallway.
“I don’t know, ok? I just-Luke, I have a really bad feeling about this one.” You told him, not wanting to worry him but you always trusted your instincts, you’d rather Luke be overly aware of his surroundings and nothing happening than have him let his guard down and Reeves get the upper hand.
“Alright, okay, I trust you, Y/N. We take this one seriously, careful every step of the way. I’ve got JJ watching my back.” Luke assured and you took a shaky breath that he picked up on. “Hey, I promise you I am going to be back with you soon.”
“God, I hate Emily for not letting me go with you.” You mumbled into the phone and let Luke’s laugh wash over you.
“Yeah, right now I’m pretty glad she kept you there if you think something bad is going down out here.” He told you and you couldn’t help the fond eye roll that escaped you. “Rather have you worrying back there than risk anything happening to you out here.”
“Just be careful, ok?” You asked softly and you heard his voice soften too when he spoke.
“I promise.” He told you seriously, causing you to nod even though he couldn’t see you. “We’re gonna head out now, satellite found a hidden door, our body cams and radios are gonna be on the whole time, alright?”
“Alright. Just…I’ll see you soon, yeah?” You asked and you could hear the smile in his voice when he replied.
“Yeah Y/N/N, I’ll be home soon.” He said and the two of you let the silence wash over you before you finally pulled the phone away and hung up, heading to the briefing room where everyone else was already set up.
“We’re live.” Penelope said as the screen showed both body cameras and she pointed out which was which.
You moved over to stand at the table, the radio in front of you and you felt like you couldn’t breathe, hardly let yourself blink as you scanned the screens in search for anything.
You really didn’t like this.
The team around you spoke but you paid them no mind, only listening when Luke’s voice came through the radio.
“We’re going in.” He announced as you watched him pull the bunker door open and you stood straighter at his words, dread filling you as they entered.
Luke walked in first and JJ followed after him, giving you perfect sight of both Luke and the bunker. At first it just looked like the other shipping containers that had been found but then you saw something, something the others hadn’t clocked yet.
“Oh my god.” You whispered and startled when a cell phone rang in the container.
“What the hell is that?” You heard JJ ask but your hand pressed the button on the radio before anyone could register what was happening.
“Luke, get the hell out, it’s a bomb!” You yelled into the radio and watched as Luke shouted at JJ to get out.
Then the cameras went out and you could only stare at them in horror.
“Luke, Luke, come in.” You said into the radio but there was no answer. “Luke, please.”
The team around you spoke but you couldn’t hear them, you continued to plead into the radio, begging for Luke to answer you until you were pulled away and only then did you snap back to reality to see Rossi looking at you in concern but before he could say anything Penelope called your attention to the screen.
“Oh! Oh! One of the camera’s is back online.” Your head shot around, tears falling harder down your cheeks when you realised it was JJ…Luke’s was still out. “Where’s Luke? I take back every mean thing I ever said about him. Please let him be ok.” Penelope said before excusing herself to see if she could get communications working from her office.
You didn’t have it in you to be hurt by the blatant reminder that him and Penelope were a thing, you didn’t care, you just needed him to be ok.
You turned to leave the room but Rossi caught you by the arm and gently spun you around to face them, Emily raised an eyebrow at you as Rossi spoke.
“Where are you going?” He asked and you shook your head as you tugged your arm free from his light grip.
“Georgia.” Was all you said before turning to leave again but Emily stopped you this time.
“Y/N, wait-”
“I’m going, Emily!” You snapped as the tears fell harder down your face. “You already stopped me going once, you’re not stopping me again.”
“Douglas,” she said after giving you a hard look, “it’s time.”
The Deputy Director didn’t say anything, just looked from Emily to you before nodding and gesturing for her to go. You didn’t know what they were talking about and honestly you didn’t care, you were going to Georgia.
You pressed the button for the elevator and shot Emily, Tara and Rossi a confused look as they stood with you but before you could ask what they were doing Garcia came up to them just as they stepped into the elevator.
“Where are you- you’re going to Georgia. Driving or…oh,” Penelope managed a smile as she nodded at you all, piecing together something you hadn’t. “Return it filled up and not just with fuel. Bring them home.”
“We will,” Emily said confidently enough that you believed her and you just hoped she was right. “Wheels up.”
Your eyes widened as you turned to look at her, you hadn’t asked but with all the politics and budget cuts it made sense why the jet hadn’t been mentioned. You didn’t think too much about it though, just thankful you had a quicker way of getting to Luke.
The hour-long flight felt like forever. Rossi sat next to you on the plane but other than holding your hand and letting you squeeze it tightly in yours he didn’t try and comfort you. You hadn’t stopped crying, you needed to see Luke with your own eyes, praying to God he was alright.
“Oh, thank God.” Emily said as you arrived on the scene and JJ and Luke made their way over to you.
You had frozen a few steps behind Emily, Tara and Rossi when you saw Luke. He looked fine, a bit beat up but considering what had just happened he looked fine. Your eyes filled with tears again and Luke’s gaze immediately drifted past the other three to land on you, making his way over to you just in time to catch you in his arms as you wrapped him in a tight hug.
Luke hugged you back just as tightly, burying his face in your hair and struggling to hold back his own set of tears as he heard you sob into his chest as your fingers dug into his back with how tightly you held him.
The others watched on as they spoke quietly among themselves about what had happened but Luke shut them out and focused solely on you. He knew he loved you, hell he’d known that for years now, but he never realised just how much until he’d nearly been taken away from you. Before he passed out, not even registering if he was ok or not, his thoughts had been consumed with you, regret from not telling you how he felt, guilt that you were watching him die through the body cam, sadness that he’d never felt your lips against his.
He swore to himself he was going to tell you.
“I’m alright, cariño, I’m alright.” He murmured into your hair and you shook your head, shifting into the hug like you could bury yourself further in his chest. “Yes baby, I’m ok, I promise.”
It took a few more minutes until you were able to pull away from each other and even then you didn’t go far, your hands coming up to cup Luke’s face, his hands covering yours as he ran his thumb across your knuckles.
“Next time I’m coming with you.” You told him shakily as tears continued to slide down your face and Luke chuckled as a tear slid down his cheek.
“Not a chance.” He answered and you just shook your head. “But the next time you have a bad feeling about something I’m listening.”
Luke leaned forward to press a kiss to your forehead, murmuring once more that he was fine, before he wiped at your tear stained cheeks.
To nobody’s surprise Reeves turned up dead and Sicarius was missing again. With all the evidence from the container turned to ashes there wasn’t much you could do but head back to Quantico.
You were exhausted by the time you got onto the jet and were asleep against Luke in seconds of being up in the air. Luke wasn’t complaining though, he just wrapped his arm around you and pulled you even closer.
“So does your brush with death mean you’re finally ready to tell her how you feel?” Rossi asked once he was sure the girls were distracted and you were asleep.
“You’ve been pushing this for years now, Rossi.” Luke sighed, looking down at you in his arms and thinking about how right it felt. “Every time I told you no, I couldn’t risk our friendship, couldn’t risk losing her.”
“And now what are you telling me?” Rossi asked with a smile, knowing full well what the answer was but wanting to hear the younger man say it.
“I’m telling you that I nearly died today.” Luke said steadily and paused for a moment, Rossi didn’t say anything, knowing he needed to sort through his thoughts. “I nearly died today and the last thing I thought was I really hated that Y/N was watching this. I didn’t want her to see that, Rossi.”
“I know you didn’t, kid.” Rossi told him, thinking back to your reaction back in the briefing room, watching you shut down, plead with a dead radio and snap at Emily.
“I’m telling you I love her.” Luke finally confessed out loud. “I love her and I have for longer than I know and I already lost so much time with her when she was sent back to the undercover unit and I nearly lost the rest of my life with her today. I can’t risk having another day where she doesn’t know, even if she doesn’t feel the same, I don’t care anymore, I need her to know how I feel.”
Rossi sat back in his seat with a smug look of satisfaction that had Luke rolling his eyes and suppressing a smile. For years now Rossi had been hounding him over when he was going to make his move, he knew if this worked out for the two of you he’d never heard the end of it from the man.
“Attaboy.” Was all Rossi murmured before the two of them settled into silence and Luke let himself savour the feeling of you in his arm.
By the time you were walking back in the building Tyler Green had been released without charges for his cooperation, another lead came up and Luke and Tara were being assigned to it and before you could say anything Penelope rushed over and took JJ and Luke into her arms.
As Luke, Emily and Tara worked on the death row inmate lead you and Rossi sat in the briefing room with Penelope in an attempt to pull up anything about what Sicarius’ next plan was. Like most of this case though it seemed impossible to find a solid lead even after the hours you'd spent reading through the forums.
It was when you had moved to comparing the victims that Penelope’s phone rang and you glanced at her questioningly as she excused herself in a hurry, turning to look at Rossi who just shrugged and turned back to the boards in front of you.
“Here,” You said as you handed Luke a mug of coffee before pulling a chair up next to him at his desk, “you look like you need it.”
“Thanks.” Luke sighed tiredly as he brought the mug up to his lips, you were able to catch a soft smile before it was hidden by the mug. “This case is exhausting.”
“No luck with the death row inmate then?” You asked and he sighed again, a deep and tired one that you felt deeply, you were all running on even less sleep than usual as this case took up every moment of your time.
“We have a guy who’s prepared to die to keep the man he loves safe. The boyfriend just came in and gave us evidence that Herrera couldn’t have committed the murder because they were together. Now Tara and her girlfriend are fighting but at least we got the guy off death row.” Luke filled you in between sips of coffee and you watched him lean back in his chair and let his eyes fall closed.
“And I thought me and Rossi were having fun scrolling through post after post of wannabe serial killers.” You chuckled tiredly causing him to turn his head and smile softly over at you. “How are you holding up anyway? I feel like we’ve barely had a minute after coming back from Georgia.”
Luke let out a chuckle as he nodded, bringing his hand up to rub at his face before letting it fall, he seemed to hesitate for a moment before reaching across and taking your hand in his, his thumb brushing across your knuckles as he locked eyes with you.
“Y/N, I heard that bomb go off and I didn’t know what was gonna happen.” Luke sighed and you squeezed his hand softly, trying to offer some comfort without interrupting him. “I figured I could have died, now I know Sicarius timed it perfectly and warned us but then, I didn’t know if I was gonna live or die and my only regret, the only thought in my head was-”
“Y/N, Luke!” Penelope exclaimed loudly, her heels clicking against the floor as she ran into the bullpen and just like that whatever peaceful, hopeful moment that had settled between you and Luke vanished as you jumped, his hand pulling away from yours as he turned to Penelope, your gaze staying on him a second longer before you turned and faced her too. “Meeting room, now!”
Luke turned to glance at you and you shrugged before following the other woman into the room where JJ, Emily and Rossi were already gathered. You took a seat next to Luke, desperately trying to ignore the way your knees brushed together and forced yourself to focus on Penelope informing everybody about her theory on how Sicarius hunted.
It felt like there had been a shift in the case with the new information and you wanted to be happy over it, hell you were happy, for the first time since you’d been called in it actually felt like you could catch the unsub. But then there was the Luke of it all. You had been so close, Luke’s hushed words felt like the confession you’d wanted for so long and you were so close.
“Y/N, I need to talk to you. Now.” Penelope said as when everyone but you and Luke left the room. You glanced at Luke who just shrugged at you before Penelope pushed him out of the room, Luke letting her with a laugh.
“Penelope, are you alright?” You asked as she paced in front of you, her hands fidgeting with each other before she stopped in her tracks to look at you.
“I kissed him.” Penelope rushed out and you stared at her in confusion as you waited for her to continue only for her to stay silent as she looked back at you with wide eyes.
“You kissed who?” You prompted, eyebrows frowning as you glanced out of the window, your gaze falling on Luke but not sure why Penelope would seem so flustered over kissing her partner.
“I kissed Tyler.” She clarified and your head shot around to face her as your eyes widened in shock.
“You kissed Tyler Green?” You exclaimed and she shushed you even as she nodded, confused as she watched your frown deepen. “What the hell, Penelope?”
“I know, I know I said I couldn’t stand him and that he was a jerk but you know…and he ended up not being so bad and I kissed him.” Penelope rambled but when she saw you shake your head she paused. “Are you ok?”
“What about Luke?” You finally asked, keeping your tone even despite being furious with her. For years you’d pined after Luke but kept it to yourself so she could be happy with him and now she was here, quite casually telling you she had kissed another guy whilst her boyfriend was sat in the next room.
“Luke? What does Luke have to do with this?” She asked, seeming genuinely confused causing your eyebrows to knit together. Neither of you said anything for a long moment before Penelope broke the silence. “Oh my god, you think me and Luke are dating.”
“You’re not?” You asked in confusion, head spinning at the new information.
“We went on one date three years ago.” She told you with a slightly panicked laugh and you could only stand there and stare at her wide eyed. When you continued to stay silent Penelope’s eyes widened and she stared at you in shock. “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!”
“Penelope!” You hissed stepping closer to her and risking a glance out of the corner of your eye to see the team had turned to look up to the window at her raised voice.
“You like Luke!” She exclaimed and you could do nothing but collapse into one of the seats, unable to deny the statement but still reeling from learning that the one date you knew about was all that had happened between them. “Oh my gosh, you like Luke and you didn’t tell me! I mean I know he’s y’know,” she said and pulled a face, “Luke, but you two would seriously be so cute together!”
“Wait, you’re not mad at me?” You asked, feeling like you were drowning with how confused you were. “I thought you liked Luke. I thought you were together this whole time.”
“Y/N, me and Luke had one date, it didn’t go anywhere. Did I like him? Sure but I wasn’t heartbroken that we were better off not dating. Wait, is that why you never said how you felt about him? How long have you been keeping this a secret?” Penelope asked and she seemed genuinely upset for you.
You felt way too overwhelmed right now and leaned your elbows on the table, resting your head in your hands as you took a shaky breath before looking back at her to see her sit in the seat next to you.
“You always had this love-hate thing from the beginning,” You stared, knowing you wouldn’t be able to leave without answering her questions. “You didn’t need to be a profiler to see the chemistry between the two of you, everyone knew something would happen between you and him. So I kept my mouth shut.”
“Wait, you’ve liked him since he joined?” Penelope asked sadly and you just shrugged.
“I don’t know, I wouldn’t say straight away. I mean we hung out together outside of work after he’d been here for a month or two, I spend as much time at his place as I do my own, you know? At some point I started, I don’t know, I wanted to be with him.” You told her, looking down at your hands as you messed with them to avoid her eyes. “But I, I saw the way you looked at him when he looked away, I saw the way he smiled at you when you called him names. I didn’t want to mess with anything between you two and then when I came back, I just assumed the two of you had finally gotten together.”
“There was never anything between us. I mean sure we flirted but it wasn’t serious. Maybe it could have been years ago but too much time passed and nothing happened.” Penelope sighed and you glanced up to see her frowning. “You should have told me.”
“Yeah, now I know that.” You murmured, your mind on all the time you could have potentially had with Luke. “You really don’t like him?”
“Y/N, if I wanted Luke Alvez I would have done something a long time ago to have him,” she told you, “plus I probably wouldn’t have kissed Tyler, who by the way is so hot.”
You let out a shaky laugh before nodding to yourself. Now things were looking up, the case seemed like it might actually be possible to solve and Luke words from before that you desperately wanted to believe were leading into a confession seemed like a more realistic outcome now.
“Sorry, I have to take this.” Penelope said apologetically but you just smiled at her as she answered it, standing up and gesturing for her to stay in the room as you left.
You kept your head down as you walked out of the room, thoughts racing a mile a minute as you made your way out of the bullpen area, missing movement from the corner of your eyes as Luke broke away from the rest of the group. You hadn’t realised he had followed you out until he jogged up beside you and caught your hand in his, stopping you in your tracks.
“Hey,” he said softly as he stood in front of you, his eyes filled with concern. “Is everything alright? Things looked pretty serious between you and Garcia.”
You hesitated a moment, it would be so easy to tell him now. There was nothing to stop you, no fear of losing two of your closest friendships lingering over you anymore.
“The thought in your head,” you said, causing him to frown slightly in confusion at the change in topic, “the thought in your head when the bomb went off, what was it?”
Luke’s face shifted to recognition as he looked back at you after glancing around at the people walking through the hallway. He shook his head before he gestured for you to follow him, not that he needed to as he kept his hand in yours as he pulled you into one of the empty meeting rooms.
“How much I regretted not telling you how I feel about you.” Luke said once the door was closed and he turned back to you. “How I’ve been in love with my best friend for years but I wasn’t brave enough to ever tell you.”
As he spoke he got closer to you, raising his hand to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing against your cheekbone and you felt frozen to the spot, scared to breathe in case you shattered the moment and he pulled away.
But Luke wasn’t going anywhere, not now that he had finally managed to force the words past his lips. He leaned down and rested his forehead gently against yours as he waited for you to say something.
“I thought you died,” you finally choked out, watching as his face softened and his other hand came to rest on your waist. “I thought you died and I hated myself for not telling you that I’ve been in love with you for as long back as I can remember.”
Your words were quiet, barely more than a whisper but with how close you were pressed against each other Luke heard them clearly. A grin broke out on his face, he tried to reign it in but it was impossible when the person he’d fallen so hard for was telling him his feelings were returned.
His eyes glanced down from your eyes to your lips and he watched as you smiled back at him. It was all the permission he needed to lean down and press his lips to yours. The kiss was nothing more than a brushing of lips first before it turned into something more. Luke’s hand on your cheek made its way up to your hair, fingers tangling in the strands, as he pulled you impossibly closer with the hand around your waist before pressing you against the wall. Your hands found themselves pressed against his chest as you let yourself explore it and the kiss…
The kiss was filled with a mix of emotions, so much passion, so much longing, so much desperation. This was a kiss that was years in the making, a kiss both of you had only let yourselves dream about, neither of you thinking it would ever become a reality.
You were forced apart when both of your phones chimed at the same time, Luke pulling away first and the pair of you breathing heavily as you caught your breath, Luke’s forehead coming back down to rest against yours as he grinned at you and you mirrored the expression back.
“I promise you, cariño, the second this case is done I am taking you out.” Luke promised and you couldn’t stop the breathless laugh that escaped you as you nodded and put his shirt back into place.
“I’ll hold you to that, Alvez.” His smile seemed to get even wider as he ran his hands through your hair, smoothing the strands he had held.
Your phone’s pinged again and Luke sighed before dipping his head down one more to press a rushed kiss against your lips. When he pulled away for a second time he pulled his phone out and showed you that you were both needed back in the briefing room.
As the two of you entered Luke held your chair out for you and you felt your cheeks heat up as you smiled at him before sitting down, glancing over at Luke as he rested his hand on your knee but he focused his attention on Emily though you could see the smile pulling at his lips.
When you finally looked away from him you caught Rossi and Penelope’s gaze. Rossi looked at you with a proud smile on his face, even if it was slightly smug and you couldn’t help but smile back at him as he winked at you. Penelope’s face had broken out into a full on grin that wasn’t entirely appropriate considering what Emily was saying but you let your smile widen as you looked at her, glad things had worked out and she wasn’t mad at you.
As Emily spoke you sat back in your seat. Luke liked you back, something you never thought would happen and wished like hell you had just spoken to Penelope about this years ago but it didn’t matter now. Now all you needed to do was solve the case, something that seemed possible now, especially with the motivation of a date with Luke at the end of it.
__________
Luke Alvez Taglist (Click the link in my bio to add yourself!) -
One-shot detailing the reader’s time with Luke and the BAU as they return from a 6-month sabbatical
Warnings: angst mixed with fluff, BAU! Reader, fem reader.
Didn’t proofread so possible occasional errors
Other Details: Reader has PhDs in Psychology and Anthropology with masters in Sociology and Criminal Justice
Pairing: Luke Alvez x fem BAU! Reader. Platonic team x reader. Maybe some mistakes here and there
Flashbacks/memories are in italics and bolded
Word Count: 4.6K
As you drove to Quantico, a familiar feeling started to consume you. It had been over 6 months since you last saw the inside of the BAU. As much as you missed the people you had grown to know, you were unsure of how smoothly your return would go. It wasn’t long before you pulled into the parking lot and made your way into the building and to the elevator. You weren’t officially reinstated to the unit yet due to delays in paperwork and had therefore only been in contact with Emily about your return. The feeling in your stomach as you approached the 6th floor was very reminiscent of your first day with the unit.
Despite having been part of the FBI for years, you still got first-day jitters when you approached the building. You had met with Emily Prentiss a few times prior when your name had been put in for the open position, but you had no idea who anyone else was or how they’d react to a new agent joining the team. You knew full well that the BAU was the crown jewel of the FBI and that there was going to be a lot of pressure to live up to any expectations.
As you made your way to the BAU, you fidgeted with the messenger bag you kept your things in, being in the FBI you found it much more useful than carrying around a purse. After calming your nerves you slowly made your way to Emily’s office, with the help of who would later learn was Spencer.
As you walked towards Emily’s office, Luke spotted you far before you spotted him. Quiet murmurs around the bullpen speculating who you were and what you needed to see Prentiss about were just out of earshot. The conversation with Prentiss was short before the two of you walked out of her office and into the conference room for Prentiss to introduce you to the team.
“As I’m sure you’re all aware we have a new agent joining us. This is Dr. y/n y/ln and I believe she’ll be an excellent addition to the team,” she stated. Quick individual introductions were done and the entire atmosphere was generally accepting yet professional. That was until you got to Luke and had to act like it was the first time you had met, well aware that no one on the team knew about your time spent with him.
“Luke Alvez, I look forward to working with you,” he said coldly, in a way that the team would chalk up to him having a bad day but that you knew was residual anger he had for you.
“Likewise,” you responded with a small smile despite the slight pang in your chest at the sight of the man you once knew.
Not long after you joined the BAU, Penelope had become suspicious of the way you acted around Luke. You had warmed up to everyone in the unit, except for him. One day she had wanted answers and the most she would get from either of you was “We just don’t get along Garcia it’s nothing important.” Even without being a profiler, Garcia could tell there was more to the story than that.
When she got a few spare minutes during a case she did a deep dive into your personal history, looking for anything in your past connecting to Luke.
Garcia didn’t know what to expect when she went digging into you, but it definitely wasn’t that you previously had an over 2-year long relationship with Luke. Garcia had gotten so caught up in finding out what went down between you and Luke that she didn’t hear footsteps approaching in time to close her search.
“Hey Garcia..” you started but tapered off as you saw the screens before you. “I - Prentiss needed - shit sorry I uh,” you tried to get Garcia back on topic for the case but fumbled on the words.
“No no don’t be sorry. I’m so sorry I did this. I know I shouldn’t have looked into your past with Newbie but I couldn’t understand why you guys don’t get along. I mean I get not liking him because he’s Newbie but you. You’re this little ray of sunshine girl wonder. I can’t believe he broke your heart like that-” she started to ramble on but you cut her off before she could continue.
“I left him,” you said hoping it would satiate her curiosity.
“Details? You can’t just drop that on me and not give me details. Did he do something? Was he a bad boyfriend? Should I hate him for it?”
“No, he did nothing wrong, it was all on me. I was scared he started talking about marriage and kids and he had the right to we had been together for nearly 3 years and I wasn’t sure if I was ready so I requested a transfer to a California field office and when it was approved I told him I got a job offer I couldn’t pass up and I left him.”
“Do you still love him?”
“I think part of me always will but Garcia this stays between us. I mean it, don’t tell anyone.”
“My lips are sealed. If you need anything the batcave is always open to have you,” she said as she stood up to embrace you in a hug.
Little did you know, Luke was having a very similar conversation with Matt down the hall.
The ding of the elevator signaling your arrival on the 6th floor shook you out of your thoughts. The closer you got to where you needed to be, the more anxious your return was making you. While you had come across a few bad cases, a few stuck out to you in particular, including the first one you had with the unit, which ultimately allowed you to reconnect with Luke.
The first difficult case for the team since you joined took more of a toll on you than you would like to admit. Once everyone was on the jet you took a seat and hoped to avoid any conversation about how you were feeling that day. You flashed a few small smiles at your colleagues in an attempt to let them know you were okay without actually saying anything. For the most part, your plan had been successful. That was until Luke had noticed the way you had been acting.
“Is it okay if I join you?” he asked motioning to the empty seat beside you. You silently nodded and avoided looking at him as he took a seat beside you. “I know we aren’t exactly close anymore but you can still come to me if you need anything,” he told you as you silently nodded.
“I know - I just. Can we talk about it later? I’d rather not talk about it right now,” you responded, finally looking his way.
“Of course. If you feel comfortable coming over tonight we can talk at my place. I know Roxy misses you,” he said with a smile.
“I’d like that. Thank you.” The rest of the time on the jet was spent in comfortable silence.
Upon getting back to the bullpen, you and Luke decided it would be best for him to drive you to his place after the two of you were done with the reports you had to write. As you sat at your desk and took out the files of papers you needed to complete, you couldn’t bring yourself to concentrate. As your mind kept replaying the events of the previous week, it was apparent you were becoming frustrated. It didn’t take Luke long to see that you were struggling and to tell Prentiss he was going to take you home for the night to make sure you were doing okay before heading over to your desk.
“You’ve done enough work today, let’s get out of here,” Luke whispered to you as you nodded. “I’ll meet you at the elevator in 5 minutes so no one thinks anything about us leaving at the same time,” he told you, knowing you wouldn’t like the idea of any possible attention on you that could come with the two of you leaving together.
The ride to Luke’s was much quicker than you had remembered it to be. Neither one of you two said very much and just let the radio play at a low volume. For most of the ride, you watched out the window while Luke focused on driving, occasionally looking your way to check that you were okay. As he pulled into his driveway, you realized how much you missed Luke and the sense of safety and comfort he provided for you.
The two of you talked about why the case had bothered you so much more than you had expected, and it soon turned to talking about whatever came to your mind. “I miss you. I know we work together now and that I’m the one who left but I really miss you, Luke. I miss spending time with you and the random updates we gave each other when you were gone and overall I just miss you. I think that’s why I struggled so much with this case when I didn’t hear back from you when you were in the field because I couldn’t live with myself if something happened and you didn’t know how I felt,” you started to ramble on.
“I’ve missed you too y/n,” Luke responded as he draped his arm around your shoulders pulling you closer to him, “I miss waking up and knowing you were either right next to me or that you were a phone call away.” Checking the time, Luke placed a kiss on your temple before whispering “Let’s get some sleep it’s getting late”
You nodded in response before the two of you got ready for bed. After changing into a pair of Luke’s sweatpants and an old shirt, you crawled into the bed the two of you had shared so many times before and eventually fell asleep in the arms you had previously grown to associate with comfort and safety.
As you walked down the hall, you passed the spot you were standing when you got an offer to lead a study and return to anthropology. It was a temporary out from profiling but it was something that you had missed doing. Upon getting the offer, a range of emotions flowed through you, yet it took nearly 2 weeks to tell Luke and another 2 weeks to tell anyone else.
The day started like any other day-off with Luke. The two of you slept until around noon and laid around just enjoying each other’s company. Working together didn’t allow for much personal time together as you had to remain professional when on cases. Prentiss didn’t mind when it was a paperwork day that you guys spent time at each other’s desks, so long as PDA was kept to a minimum, which it always was. However, it wasn’t the same as getting to just spend time together without having to worry about catching an unsub or fill out a report in time with no errors.
While laying in bed, the offer to lead an anthropological study at the University of Michigan kept eating at you. You had limited time to make a decision and respond to the offer. However, you couldn’t bring yourself to bring the topic up with Luke and you couldn’t make a decision without informing him of the offer first.
“Is everything okay princesa?” Luke asked, noticing the sudden change in your emotions.
“Yeah, there’s just something I need to talk to you about,” you responded looking up at him. “But I need you to hear me out and keep in mind that I haven’t made a decision yet and that nothing is final.”
“You’re beginning to worry me,” he started, “Are you sure nothing is wrong?”
“I was offered the chance to lead an anthropological study,” you stated, leaving him speechless. Memories of when you left him flooding back. You could tell by the look on his face that he was worried this was the beginning of the end for the two of you once again. “I know what you’re thinking and it isn’t like that this time. I know I did something similar when I left but I promise I’m different now. The study is through the University of Michigan and it’s only slated to take 6-months if not less. It’s primarily overseeing graduate students as they conduct a study. I’d be able to set my own office hours so that we can talk as often as possible. I just don’t know if I want to take the offer.”
“You sound invested in the study already. What would be keeping you from taking it?” he asked, his voice full of support for you. All he ever wanted was for you to achieve your dreams. When you didn’t immediately answer he spoke again, “Is it me? Is that why you might not take it?”
You slowly nodded in response, “I feel like I just got you back and now I might be leaving, and what if things don’t work out with us not in the same state?”
“Princesa, listen to me. If you promise that this is nothing like last time and that you aren’t doing this in an attempt to leave then I trust you. We can figure out us as the situation comes up and I’m confident we can work out this time around. Whatever you decide I am forever proud of you and in awe of all that you’ve accomplished.”
“I love you,” was all you could think to respond with.
“I love you too princesa,” Luke said, placing a gentle kiss on your forehead.
Two weeks had passed since you told Luke of the news when a really difficult case had seemed to take a toll on pretty much everyone. After the case, it was decided that those who were able to would come over to the house you shared with Luke to decompress. Spencer and Garcia came and spent the entire day, and much of the night, with the two of you. Having extended the invite to significant others, Matt brought Kristy by to visit with everyone after they found a sitter around 7:30.
Once everyone who planned on coming was there, it didn’t take long for everyone to get caught up in conversations about personal lives. The conversation started with asking Matt and Kristy about their kids and eventually, everyone started talking about overall changes in their lives. “So girl wonder,” Matt started, referring to you by a name originally bestowed on you by Garcia before it caught on to the rest of the team, “Luke said you got an offer to lead a pretty interesting study is that right?”
“Yeah. He wasn’t supposed to tell anyone I haven’t made a decision yet. The department I’d be overseeing for it ran into some problems and the start date has been pushed back. It would be nice to get away from the dark and scary parts of this job and back to what I started with but I’d miss you guys too much.”
“Would it be permanent?” Spencer asked. The two of you had grown close since you joined the unit and while he wanted to be excited for you, he would be lying if he said the idea of you leaving didn’t upset him at all.
“No,” you started to say, “It’s slated to last 6-months but there’s no guarantee the study will be finished in time.”
“Are you still going to work at the BAU when you come back?” Garcia questioned.
“I’m not sure. If I’m being completely honest, I’ve been struggling with deciding lately if I’m a good fit for the unit, but I plan to stay with the bureau somehow,” you answered hesitantly.
The rest of the night was spent answering questions about the study and getting support from those around you. By the time everyone was ready to leave, you felt completely comfortable knowing that whatever decision you came to, you would have a support system of amazing friends.
Looking back, you should have noticed that the number of times you were having trouble with cases was more of a problem than you should have was a sign you needed to step away from the job. The cases themselves weren’t getting harder, but you personally were having a harder time with them. The longer you were with the unit, the more issues you had been having an increasingly difficult time coping after them. You would have thought they would have gotten easier to manage, but you found yourself struggling every time you felt a decision you made could have changed the outcome of a case. In your previous position before the BAU, you felt powerless as the victims were long gone and often one-off crimes and you felt switching to the BAU and being able to get killers off the street would make you feel better as you’d be helping get active killers off the street. However, you were extremely wrong, and the feeling that you could, no that you should, have stopped their killers before it was too late became too much for you and you decided to take a step back from the unit.
“Y/ln, we need to talk in my office,” Prentiss said as you entered the bullpen.
“Yes ma’am,” you responded, setting your go-bag down on your desk before you made your way to where she was standing. The entire team knew exactly what Prentiss needed to talk to you about and a few members even gave you sympathetic looks as you crossed the bullpen.
“Before we start I just want to say I’m sorry. I know what I did was against protocol,” you started.
“That’s not why you’re in here,” Emily cut you off. “While what you did was unacceptable, you’re here because I’m worried about you. In these past 2 cases, you’ve shown reckless behavior, as if you’re trying to get yourself hurt. I’m not mad at you, but I do need you to let me know if anything is going on that is affecting your ability to do this job.”
You silently nodded as she spoke. The more she said, the more you began to question your place in the unit. “Thank you. I’ve just had some personal problems the past week but I should be good to go now,” you said lying through your teeth.
“Just let me know if anything changes. Your health and personal well-being are more important than this job.”
The next week the BAU was called in to help with another tough case. While it wasn’t the first tough case you encountered in the time you had been with the BAU, this one was worse than others.
The victims are similar in both age and appearance to a close family member of yours and it had made it difficult for you to concentrate in the field the way you needed to. At one point you had even froze and almost didn’t get to a victim in time. For the entirety of the case, you were closed off from everyone when it didn’t involve work.
Upon returning to the BAU, everyone slowly dispersed their desks and you made your way to Prentiss’s office. Her door was open but you still knocked quietly before entering. “Can we talk?”
“Of course, come in.”
You could tell from the sympathetic look on her face that she knew what you needed to say. As you sat across from her she waited for you to speak. After letting out a small sigh you found the confidence to admit what was happening, “I think I need to step away from this job.”
With a silent nod, she grabbed the appropriate paperwork from her file cabinet, “I knew this day was coming. Luke told me you had been having nightmares lately. Fill out these papers and return them to me as soon as possible. If you opt for a sabbatical instead of completely leaving it should take roughly 2 weeks for it to be approved. In the meantime, you would still be a member of the team but be able to use the vacation days you have or you can be solely a desk agent and assist Garcia. Whichever one you choose I, as well as the rest of the team, will be here for you and have enjoyed working with you.”
Fighting tears that had started to form as she spoke, you nodded and said a quiet thank you before leaving her office. Setting the papers down on your desk on the way, you headed towards Garcia’s office to let her know you planned on leaving.
Once you were out of earshot, JJ had peeked at the papers you had set down. “What is it?” Spencer asked, almost not wanting to know the answer.
“Y/ln is leaving the unit,” she responded, voice full of confusion. As she spoke everyone turned to Luke and he nodded slightly in response, confirming you were leaving the family you had grown to love.
After your sabbatical was approved, you accepted the offer to lead the study. Much to your dismay, the team was insistent on throwing you a going-away party, despite knowing you were going to come back in 6 months. You told the team that if they insisted on having a gathering at Rossi’s place that it needed to be something that the members of the unit with kids could bring them with, feeling there was no point in, “saying goodbye to a family member” as Rossi had put it, without all of the family members being there.
“Remind me again why we have to make a big deal of me leaving? I already said goodbye to the team and I’ll be back and with the unit again in less than a year,” you wondered aloud to Luke as you pulled into Rossi’s driveway.
“Because princesa, it’ll make Rossi happy to get to throw you a party and its tradition, regardless of how long the leave will be. And besides, the kids want to see you before you leave for 6 months,” he reminded you.
“You got me there,” you said with a smile before kissing his cheek. “Let’s head in before we’re late.”
Shortly after you guys made your way inside and to the backyard, Matt and Kristy had arrived with their kids. The kids knew why you were having a going away party and instantly ran to you when they saw you. When you noticed the kids running up to you, both you and Luke knelt to prepare for the number of hugs you were about to get. Due to offering to babysit when Matt and Kristy needed time to themselves, the kids had grown to see you as an aunt and Luke as an uncle. The same could be said for Henry and Michael, who showed up with JJ and Will shortly after the Simmons had arrived. The next couple of minutes were spent answering any questions the kids could think to ask you, in the most kid-friendly way you could.
“You’ll be back by my birthday right?” David asked looking up at you. In the time you had known the kids, you hadn’t missed a birthday for any of them.
“Of course I will buddy,” you responded.
“What about our stories?” Chloe asked.
“Yeah who is gonna tell us our stories while you’re gone?” While they had the Simmons Stories, the ones you told were different. You told them stories of the different cultures you studied and the different ways parts of the universe were believed to have come into existence.
“I have them all written down. I can leave them with Luke and he can read them to you,” you reassured all of them.
As the night went on, many memories from your time with the unit were shared with the group. Even though you planned to come back as soon as the study was over, knowing they would spend the next 6 months without you seemed to make everyone nostalgic.
Near the end of the night, everyone started saying their goodbyes. It was particularly hard to say goodbye to Spencer, knowing nearly everyone else he had gotten close to had left him as well. “I’m sorry,” was the first thing you managed to say to him. “I know you hate goodbyes and struggle with change but I promise I will come back and if not to work with the unit at least for our weekly coffee shop visits.”
“You don’t have to apologize. You’re doing what you have to do,” he responded as you opened your arms to offer him a hug. You were always the first to initiate hugs and he usually accepted them.
“I’ll miss you, Spence. You already have my cell phone number and the phone number for my office for the next 6 months. Call me anytime you need me,” you told him while hugging him.
“I’m proud of you. I’ll miss you too y/nn,” he said as you pulled apart.
“See you in 6 months.”
As you made your way into the bullpen you took note of the date. It was 6 months and 4 days since you had seen any of the team face-to-face. While you kept personal contact with the entire team while you were away, you hadn’t told anyone except for Emily that you were planning on coming back to the team. Luke knew when the study would end and was expecting to see you at home later that night, assuming that the team didn’t get a case that pulled him away.
When you entered the bullpen, Matt was the first to notice your arrival. He was already standing at Luke’s desk to ask him a question related to a report he was writing and flashed a small smile in your direction before nudging Luke on the arm, “Why didn’t you tell anyone y/n was returning today?”
Not thinking you were actually there, Luke brushed off Matt. “She isn’t coming home until later tonight and told me even if she does return to the unit it would take some time for her to be reinstated,” he responded, not even looking up from his file.
Knowing he wouldn’t look up from his file right away, you talked quietly with everyone else before approaching his desk. You brought back small trinkets for everyone and placed a small handmade miniature Roxy in front of him. “One of the students I was overseeing made it when she saw a picture of you and Roxy as my phone background to help me cope with being away from you. I figured since I’m home now you could use it more,” you explained as if it wasn’t the first time you were seeing your boyfriend in over 6 months.
Luke watched silently as you spoke, a smile creeping onto his face when he processed you were actually there in front of him. As he stood up from his chair, he quickly wrapped his arms around you before pressing a kiss to your forehead. “You’re home?” he asked, trying to comprehend your arrival.
“I’m home,” you responded with a smile as you looked up at him.
“I’ve missed you so much, you can’t leave me for that long again,” he said with a smile.
Before you could respond, Garcia came speeding out of her office due to having heard of your return from JJ. “Girl wonder! You’re back! Are you staying with us? You can’t leave me with Newbie for that long ever again,” she exclaimed as she approached you.
“Yes, I’m back. Weaning back into the job and will be on desk duty here and helping you for the first 2 weeks but I’m back,” you told her.
Author’s Note: this is dedicated to the Luke to my Matt @luke-alvez 🥰 not sure if it's still your birthday where you are but this is my gift to you :) <3
----
The house was filled with boxes and bubble wrap. The plan was to be unpacked for your birthday but it seems things didn't go as planned. Luke had returned form case later than expected and there was the huge storm that seemed to last for days. A week later and all the boxes had arrived and were being unpacked.
Luke’s footsteps echoed through the house as he jogged down the stairs, “baby, have you seen the hammer anywhere ? I need it but I can’t find it” he leaned against the doorway of the kitchen, your back was turned to him as you unpacked the dishes.
“Check the living room” you mumble, turning your attention to the cupboard. Luke shouted from the other room that he found it and ran back up the stairs. The door slammed upstairs, making you shake your head.
“Yeah! Break it before we unpack!” you yell, you can hear Luke’s boisterous laugh from upstairs, he shouted back a sorry.
Your morning was spent in the kitchen because if you couldn’t unpack everything, at least you could have clean dishes to eat from and you know what they say, the way to someone’s heart is through their stomach. It was around lunch that Roxy brushed up against your leg, “hey girl, where’s dad?” your fingers run through her fur as you put some pots in the bottom cupboard. On cue, Luke comes down, “hey, I'm gonna run to the store. We’re out of screws”
“What do you need screws for ?”
“Uh, the bed, I might have cross threaded the other ones” he gave you a tight lipped smile, you chuckled. “Okay, pick up some of the tacks to hang the frames too” Luke comes over and kisses the top of your head before leaving the house.
--
A few hours later, he returned to the house with more bags than screws could be in. “Uh, did you buy out the store? And what took so long?” Luke was already halfway up the stairs when you got to the bottom of the staircase. “No. No,” he laughs and totally ignores your question, returning with the tacks to hang the frames in hand. “Do you need help hanging the frames?” he asks and you shake your head.
“I’ll be upstairs then” and once again, Luke headed up the stairs and back into the room. Half of you wanted to go up and see what he was doing but the other half was much too lazy to walk up the stairs just to check on the man you saw less than 10 seconds ago. You made your way to the living room, Roxy trailing behind you as you sat on the floor and started opening the boxes. The amount of pictures, framed or in albums that you two had was unnecessary. For two people and a dog, it didn’t make sense that at least 4 large boxes had photo albums and pictures frames. Nonetheless, you begin hanging up the frames, rearranging and changing positions until you were pleased with the order. The fireplace was bare, the mantle covered in dust, you couldn't have it. Wiping the dust away, you tumbled through the boxes for pictures that deserved to be front and centre
The first one on the mantle was from your 4th date and the first picture the two of you had together. Luke had invited you to a party that the BAU was having at Rossi’s place and Penelope had taken a picture of the two of you cuddled up next to each other outside. The second one was from your wedding, a picture of your first dance. It felt like only yesterday that you met Luke. It was hard to believe that you were married and had bought a house together. The third one was on you, Luke and Roxy. It was just some random picture that you had taken one morning. The two of you were in bed and you had your phone in your hand when Roxy jumped up onto the bed and amid the confusion, you accidentally took the picture. Neither of you are looking at the camera but you're both laughing.
The sound of something falling pulled your attention away from the photos. “Luke?! You okay ?!” you shout from downstairs, he doesn’t answer so you head up, making your way to the bedroom.
“Love, are you alright?” as soon as your hand reaches for the knob, Luke sticks his head out. “yeah, I'm okay” he smiles, “do you need some help ? I've had enough of downstairs” chuckling, you go to push the door open.
“Oh it’s fine, there’s something propped against the door. I’ll finish up there and come down and help you” Luke shuts the door before you could protest.
“Oh uh okay” mumbling, you head back down the stairs. The banging and thudding did not stop for the next 3 hours. Surely, it couldn't take that long to put together a bed. When it finally stops, he comes down as you had moved on from the living room to the pantry. “Y/n? where are you?!” he called, his footsteps sounding closer with each step. You had headphones in because of all of the noise he was making upstairs and when Luke’s hand rested on your waist, his touch startled you. Your hand coming up and gripping to your chest, Luke held back a laugh. The stupid smile on his face was enough to earn him a small whack to the side.
“Don’t do that!” you shout,
“Sorry,” he chuckled, “I thought you heard me calling”
“Well did I answer ?” you ask him, he shook his head as he watched you from the doorway.
“Anyways, I'm running out to pick up a pizza. Unless you want something else?”
“I’m fine, pizza is good” you smile, Luke leans in and gives you a kiss before walking towards the door. He stops halfway and looks back at you. “The room is still in a mess so don’t go up” he tells you, you nod and mumble okay.
You didn't think anything of it.
It’s not like you were in a rush for the bedroom to be done but it would be nice. The more you thought about it, the more you realized something seemed off. Luke had been upstairs all day and the bed still wasn’t put together?
Walking up the stairs, the sound of your steps echoed through the almost empty house. You stopped in front of the door, half of you wanted to go in and see what was happening and the other half was shouting no in big red flashing lights. There had to be a reason as to why Luke asked you not to go in, he wouldn’t say that for no reason. Which only made you wonder even more. Stepping towards the door, your hand was just about to touch the knob when Luke shouts for you, once again, starling you.
“What were you doing upstairs ?” he was at the bottom of the stairs, looking up at you as you made your way down.
“Looking for the box with the kitchen towels”
“Did you find it ?”
“Must be in the kitchen, I think I saw it earlier” you give him a small smile, feeling kind of bad for lying to him. The half eaten box of pizza was discarded on the floor beside you and Luke, his arm around your shoulder as your head rests on his.
“I have something for you. Let me go get it” untangling himself from you, Luke gets up. Your brows furrow, watching your husband jog up the stairs. “Babe?! Can you come up here?” you follow the sound of his voice up the stairs and into the room. You stop in your tracks when you step into the room. Not only had put the room together but he had also fixed your vanity. The movers didn't wrap it properly and it got damaged, it was the first time you had bought yourself when you moved out on your own so you had wanted to keep it.
“You fixed it” you smiled at him, your hand running around the top of it. “Is that what you were doing all day ?”
“Mhm hm, you looked so sad when it arrived. I couldn't leave it like that” Luke pulls you into his side, his arm around your shoulder once again. He kisses the top of your head, “I take it that you’re happy ?” he asks, turning towards you. “Of course” flashing him a smile which turns into a loud squeal when Luke picks you up, he drops you on the bed and then lays beside you.
“You know I love you right ?” rolling onto your side, your hand cupping his cheek. Luke kisses the palm of your hand, “I know. you know I love you right ?” he smiles which makes you smile too. “That’s not the real gift though” Luke sits up, he pulls out a little box from the bedside table.
“This is for you” he hands it to you. Unwrapping the ribbon, you pull the lid off the box. A gold charm bracelet sat in the box, there were a few charms evenly spaced from each other. The first charm was a little paw print which was for Roxy of course. The second being the palm tree because the two of you went to the tropics for your honeymoon. The third was a tiny hockey stick, seeing that you loved hockey. There were a few more that reminded you of your trips and your time together.
“Oh Luke,” you breathed, he gently picked up the bracelet and placed it on your wrist, attaching the hook and turning it the right way. “Do you like it?” he asks, his hand still holding yours. “It’s gorgeous Luke, thank you” you smile. His phone buzzes, he picks it up.
“Do you have to go ?” you ask him, hoping that it wasn't Emily telling him that they had a case. Luke shook his head and showed you his phone instead. the clock had just changed to 12, the beginning of a new day, your birthday.
Luke’s hands cupped your face as he leaned in, his lips inched away from yours, “happy birthday mi amor” he pressed his lips to yours. You know he could feel your smile through the kiss, “thank you” you mumbled, as your arms wrapped around him and pulled him back into bed with you.
Pairing; Emily Prentiss x Female!Reader (she/her pronouns)
Warnings: The literal death of Emily, Crying, Sad sad, angsty kinda.
Length: long
Word count: 2.2k
Masterlist
Summary: R/n found out that Emily died. I thought of this in the middle of class and I thought it would be a good idea to write this instead of focusing on the lecture. : ]🤷🏾♀️. There is an age gap but it's really not that bad, compared to what I've seen. It was severe... The reader is in their mid-20s (24) while Emily is in her mid-30s (35) when they meet for the first time. ***March 7th is the estimated date of her death that I came up with. + with a lot of research on this plus intensively watching the episode. Anyways Enjoy!
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March 7th
You picked up the pace as you continued to walk through the cold halls in the hospital. You stayed careful to not shake the car seat in your arms. You made it into the waiting room to see everyone waiting for you. Your eyes swelled up in tears as you placed the baby down in the nearest seat.
'Please tell me she's okay." Aaron came up to you as you began to panic. "She's still in surgery." You began to cry, as Aaron held you close. Everyone was consoling each other.
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The waiting room was silent, all aside from the baby sleeping in your arms. The baby began to stir as you continued to rock her. "How old is Lilith?" Penelope asked to ease her mind. "She'll be 5 months in 3 days. She shares a birthday with Emily." You said while shedding a tear. Garcia sadly smiled.
"Can I hold her?" You nodded while wiping away your tear. You nodded as you handed Lilith to Penelope. Lilith reminded you so much of Emily, although you had a surrogate, that baby resembled you so much.
Lilith didn't have a lot of hair but it was soft and curly, but still growing to find its natural curl pattern. Her skin was a beautiful shade of brown, just like yours. Her eyes were a soft dark hazel color, close to a dark brown, just like yours...
It was almost impossible to know if she had any physical and noticeable traits from her father because she took so much after you. Only you and Em knows who the father is. The relationship is mutual, but he still tends to send you money and remained good friends with both of you.
Time still remained slow.
It was at eating you, not know the condition of your wife. "How long has she been in there." You asked out loud for anyone to answer. "We're not sure. It seems like forever." Derek replies quietly.
Lilith was playing with her toys silently, occasionally making small gibberish noises but soon after that she got tired and went back to sleep and you placed her back in her car seat with her blanket.
You sighed, "I'm going to go and get some water." You got up and grabbed your wallet and made your way towards a vending machine.
-
"Oh come on!" You said while hitting the vending machine. You kicked the vending machine once more before giving up. You let out a frustrated huff. Every little thing was so very easy to bother you and it was starting to make you fed up. "Fuck!" You shouted while giving up.
In the corner of your eye, you saw Aaron approach you. "Are you all right?" "No Aaron." You snapped at him while turning away from him and crossing your arms.
"I know that is hitting you harder than the rest of us, but I want you to understand that you are not alone. We all want to make sure that you and Lilith are all right." Aaron said empathetically. No matter how hard you tried to calm yourself from the current situation, it was enviable for your tears to spill.
"How could this happen? I've known her for as long as I've had this job and we joined at the same time. She took me out on dates and within those first couple of months of dating when we both got here, she asked me to be her girlfriend. 2 years of that, she asked me to marry her." You told him with a shaky voice.
Aaron's face was sympathetic, he was understanding because he noticed the connection between the both of you when Emily
transferred in, a week after you.
“She didn't say anything to you, to protect you. Doyle would have hurt the team, or even worst, you.”Aaron stated protectively. “I know..”
"Do you know how happy I was? I said yes as soon as she looked at me when she was kneeling on the ground. I knew she was the one once we started dating. 2 years later of us being married, she asked me if I wanted to start a family with her." You looked at Aaron with tender eyes as they began to water.
"It took us a couple of months of preparation and last year we found the donor and I got pregnant. She was so happy and always protective once I went on maternity leave. The day I went into labor was the most painful but I was so elated because I had the baby on her birthday. My two favorite people in the world. She means so much to me Aaron and I rather be dead than see her light burn out. No matter what happens,” you gently grabbed Aaron’s hand while your tears flowed.
“You have to promise me that you'll watch over me. I don't know what I'm going to do without her..” You pleaded. Aaron hesitated before nodding. You hugged him softly before letting go. Aaron gave the vending machine one last hit. You heard the noise of the water bottle dropping down to the machine.
He grabbed it and handed it to you. You muttered a soft thank you as you made your way towards the waiting room. You saw JJ enter the waiting room. "How is she?" You asked JJ with concern.
Her face frowned as she fell silent. Your heart dropped as the pace began to go faster. "She never made it off the table." Jennifer said with glossy eyes. "What..." Your water bottle dropped out of your hand, dropping onto the ground.
"NO! Please, she can be gone. Please tell me this isn't real." You began to hyperventilate. You grabbed onto your chest as your body began to get hot as tears spilled. You let out loud plead for Emily to come back.
Spencer rushed out of the room. "Spence," JJ grabbed his arm. "I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye." He said in a sad tone before advancing his way out of the hospital.
You were heartbroken. How could she leave you so early? You still had so much time to live your life with her. Now that she’s gone, what are you going to do now?
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You shed a tear as you watched your wife's casket sink into the ground. “I love you so much.” You whispered as you placed a kiss on a rose. You placed the rose onto her casket.
Garcia held onto Lilith while you came back to stand next to the crowd. Everyone took their chance to grieve, but not as hard as you did. As soon as the funeral service ended, everyone send their condolences to you.
Penelope came up to you and gave you a tight hug. "You know that if you need anything you can call me, text me, or hell. come over if you need to. It doesn't matter the hour of the day or night. I'm here if you need anything." She whispered in your ear while letting go of the hug. "Thank you." you replied softly.
"I'm so sorry R/n, I truly am." Jennifer apologized while holding your hands. You gave her a weak smile. "I know. All I want from you is to catch the bastard that put my wife in this grave." You looked at her with sad eyes.
"Can you promise me that?"
JJ looked at you and nodded. "I'll try my best." She gave you one last hug before walking away. Aaron came up to you. "Are you ready to go?" He asked softly. You looked over at her casket one last time before looking at Aaron again and giving him a nod.
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Lilith didn't handle this whole situation too well. Within the first month of Emily being gone, she became agitated a lot and it was harder for her to go to sleep at night, which kept you both awake.
Emily was always th one to go into her room to calm her down, which helped a lot for you.
Emily didn't mind being woken up at odd hours to calm the baby down. Since her job could call at any moment for her to come in, she gave you the courtesy of having more sleep since you were taking care of Lilith during your maternity leave.
Lilith had no idea why she was seeing you more often than Emily while she screamed for her mama. But of course, she wouldn't understand why.
Your eyes jolted open while hearing a whining noise from the baby monitor. Emily stirred in her sleep as she got up.
"Don't worry, I got this." She placed a kiss on your lips while heading to Lilith's room. "Hey, hey. Why are you crying little one? Mama's here. Yeah, it's okay. I'm here." You heard Emily say on the baby monitor.
You smiled at her gentle cooing at Lilith as she almost immediately stopped crying. Lilith whined. "No no, don't cry. It's okay, Mama's here." A couple of moments later you could hear Emily cry out in disgust.
"Oh gosh. No wonder you were crying, you pooped. Don't worry, I'll help you out. I would cry too if I was sitting in my poop. Thanks for waking me up kid."
You giggle at her short response. Soon after you could hear Emily singing a soft lullaby to Lilith as you later heard snoring from her. "Goodnight little lady. Mama loves you very much."
Some time later, you heard the water running in the bathroom. Emily finished up in the bathroom and got back in bed and cuddle with you.
"I didn't know you could play the mom role so well Em." You turned toward her to see her completely knocked out. You smiled and placed a light kiss on her lips while falling back to sleep.
The sleepless nights of Lilith crying you put on both of your coats and grabbed a light duffle bag of both of your stuff and drove over to her.
"I'm sorry it's late. Lilith couldn't sleep and I couldn't either." Penelope smiled as she greeted you while helping you with our bag. "No no, it's fine, I told you that you can come at whatever time you want. I don't mind. I just want to help."
You gave her a week smile as you entered the small Garica-themed apartment.
-
Penelope came over to you and handled the now warm bottle.
"I think she noticed that Emily is gone because now, she gets more agitated at not towards the night time, and it makes it harder for her to stay asleep. Of course, that does not help for both of us slightly being sleep deprived. But lucky I can get her to sleep through her naps."
You said while nursing the bottle into the now sleeping baby. "At least she's sleeping. It would be completely different if she doesn't go to sleep at all." Penelope said while taking a sip of her warm tea and sitting next to you on her bed.
"I'm curious by what you mean by 'her noticing Emily is gone.' " Penelope questioned. You gave her a pained smile. "When I first got on maternity leave, Emily and I vowed that she would never let me lose sleep. So, she would take care of Lilith if she was crying through the night. She would be the one to calm her down."
Penelope returned the same pained expression. "She would sing her little lullabies and rock her to sleep. Now, every time she cries as I night, I wake up to an empty bed. She used to say 'I go and calm Lilith down.' I try hard not to cry everything I sing that same lullaby Emily used to sing Lilith to sleep."
You sighed as a tear spilled down your face. You took the empty bottle out of Lilith's mouth and raised her over your shoulder and burped her. Once she let out a soft burp you placed her down in the middle of Penelope's bed, between the both of you.
Penelope got up from her side of the bed and came to you and gave you a tight hug. "Every day I think of a bigger, brighter, and better world. A world erased of all the ugliness and replaced with all the pure things in life. I have no idea what type of pain you must be going through. Emily was like a sister to me. She was your wife. She was loved."
She let go with tears spilling. "One thing I know for sure is that the more you live, the harder it gets and I rather live through the harshness of the world to see the brighter light ahead of me. You can make it through this hard time and I know it. Someone has to be there for Lilith's first day of school. You can not give up on me, so help me god I will kill you myself if you give up right now."
You laughed lightly at her playful threat. Penelope placed her hands on your face and wiped the tears away. "Emily would be so proud to see how strong you will become from this. I know she loves you very much, the whole squad saw the overflowing amount of love she put into being with you. Don't forget that."
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WOAH THIS ONE WAS DEEP AND I'M HERE FOR THAT. If you enjoyed this, give it a heart and reblog! ;]
Summary: Spencer doesn't believe in love after what happened to Maeve, but the universe has other plans for him
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Losing Maeve had nearly killed Spencer.
It was so hard to deal with, especially having seen her death with his own two eyes. He had locked himself away, locked himself inside his apartment to avoid the outside world.
...But more than anything, he locked away himself emotionally because it hurt so bad.
It felt as if the entire world had turned its back on him and he wasn’t going to forget that. As far as Spencer was concerned, love didn’t exist and even when it had, life was cruel enough to snatch it away from him.
That was the end of the story. He was content in believing that for his entire life but apparently that wasn’t good enough.
Before he even thought about what he was doing, Spencer had developed pretty intense feelings for you, an intern at the BAU.
You started there a month or so before her death, but you didn’t really get a chance to bond with the good doctor until after that. He hadn’t come into work in a week and you were worried about him so you showed up at his apartment.
It was a risk and potentially detrimental to the future of your career but you did it anyway.
You knew that he must have been in pain, and you couldn’t help but want to be there for him. You would have done it for anyone, you were sure that you would have, but it just happened to be Spencer.
At first he wouldn’t answer the door.
You knocked on the door a few times after that, but when you got no answer, you decided to just sit on the other side of the door until he felt like talking. It was your day off so you didn’t have anywhere to go.
The only thing you needed to do today was make sure that Spencer understood that he wasn’t alone.
Lose was something that you couldn’t help but be familiar with. After all, there was a reason that you had gotten into this profession and you understood what it felt like to grieve someone you loved.
You also understood that no one should be alone in a time like that. However, you couldn’t help but be empathetic toward him wanting to stay hidden as well. You wanted the same thing when you were in his place.
“Spencer? Are you there?” you called again, hoping that you could at least get him to talk to your through the door.
The pain he was feeling wasn’t going to go away quite yet but that didn’t mean he had to sit there alone. Maybe talking it through would make him feel better.
“You know that cognitive therapy helps with grieving, would you let me help you?” you offered, knowing that even in pain, he couldn’t argue with the science. There had been several studies that proved your words, and he knew that better than anyone.
He didn’t want to, but he also knew that you had a point.
“She was right there in front of me, and I couldn’t do anything to help her” he started, his voice nothing more than a whisper through the wood. Still, you were close enough that you could hear him rather clearly.
You wanted nothing more than to help him, and this was a start. However, you knew that you needed to broach the subject carefully. You didn’t want to hurt Spencer more or force him even farther into his shell.
Instead, you nodded, taking a moment to think about what you wanted to say. “That must have been so hard. It isn’t fair that someone could do that to you” you tried, your voice soft as you spoke to him.
You were worried about him, and worried about what he was doing there in that room, but before you could think any more about that, the door opened behind you.
It was a slow movement, but still enough to nearly make you fall over before you caught yourself at the last moment.
You weren’t sure what was going on at first, but then you saw him. He was sitting there in a bathrobe, with messy hair, making you wonder if he’d even showered in a few days.
Not that you could blame him if he hadn’t.
“Hi”
His words were small, gingerly meeting your ears but all you could do was smile as you stood from the ground to meet his height. “Hi” you allowed, knowing how hard this must have been.
The two of you very rarely even spoke to each other before this and you knew for a fact that his team members had each been here previously and he didn’t answer for them.
It must have been important for him to talk to someone after all this time and you just happened to be here. That had to have been what it was, because you couldn’t imagine what else it could have been.
You didn’t even really know him, but he seemed to trust you. Whatever it was, you were just glad he had opened the door.
“Do you want to come in? I was going to make some tea” he offered, opening the door for you slowly, stepping back to make room for you to come in.
As soon as you did, you realized that there were books all over and that didn’t even compare to the empty pizza boxes and snacks thrown around the kitchen. It confused you, seeing as Spencer had always been clean.
Though, with the amount of trauma he was living through, you couldn’t blame him that doing the dishes wasn’t at the top of his to do list.
“Have you been reading? That helps make me feel better when I’m struggling” you shrugged, taking a seat on his couch where he offered. You had no idea what he had been doing all this time, but whatever it was, he needed help.
You didn't want him to be alone.
“I’ve been trying, but it’s hard to focus” he sighed, sitting down beside you with this sort of miserable stiffness that made you nearly sick to your stomach. It hurt you so bad to realize that something like this had happened.
It wasn’t fair that Diana could have done this and didn’t even have to live with what she’d done. Everyone else did, Spencer did, her parents did. Everyone had to deal with it but her.
You knew that she must have been sick, and that it wasn’t her fault but it still hurt. “I know, I can’t imagine how hard this is” you repeated, slowly letting your hand fall on his shoulder.
The touch was gentle and slight but enough to alert Spencer of the contact. It was the first time he’d had physical contact with anyone since she died, but it didn’t hurt like he thought it would.
Until this point, Spencer was sure that touching another person would make his skin burn or something out of fear and the idea of dishonoring the woman he’d loved so much but it didn’t.
If nothing else, it reminded Spencer that he was still here. Maeve was gone, but he wasn’t and that wasn’t his fault.
He had been blaming himself for so long for what happened to her and something in this helped remind him that wasn’t the case. He didn’t pull that trigger and he’d done everything he could to save her.
“I’m so sorry this happened to you Spencer, I really am” you whispered, though even that seemed loud in the closed space. It was dark in his apartment and even that seemed to draw you in closer.
It was bound to happen.
Spencer knew that and you knew it too but that didn’t mean it surprised you any less when he leaned forward and caught your lips in a heated kiss. It was fast, but as soon as his lips were on yours, he was gone again.
...Oops.
You took a deep breath as you tried to remind yourself that this was likely just because you were the first person he’d seen since suffering such a profound loss.
It was only natural to want to be close to someone after something like that and you weren’t about to think of it as anything else. However, it was hard to do that with someone so enduring.
You were both in an emotionally vulnerable space, and you showed him a kindness that he hadn’t been expecting. It didn’t mean that he cared about you, that he wanted anything more than someone to make him feel something.
Still, it was hard to shake the feeling that there was more to it than that. There was something going on and you could tell that this was far from over.
Maybe love wasn’t as far away as Spencer may have thought, or at the very least, maybe the universe wasn’t as hellbent on his misery as it seemed. If nothing else, this could have been a chance to start over.
Summary: Your museum tour gets hijacked by a certain genius - and you don’t mind - not at all.
Warnings: Fluff, so fluffy you wouldn’t believe I wrote it, me enjoying my knowledge of art too much
Word Count: 1,245
When you signed up for a museum tour, you were expecting to learn a little about art history, see some of your favorite pieces, grab a bite, and break off from the group. You loved Impressionism – the painters desperately capturing the moment: the way the sun illuminates a sunflower, the brilliant beauty and fickleness of color, and the way reality itself was always ephemeral and changing.
What you weren’t expecting was a show.
Currently, the museum docent, judging from his furrowed brow and so tightly crossed arms (you wondered if they would simply snap), was looking as if he was going to take Renoir’s Dance at Bougival and break it over this man’s head. This man who was currently lecturing about Renoir and his use of light and brash color with authority, rather than the docent himself. It started as a comment or two – in the beginning – a misconstrued fact or a simple speaking error. But then it escalated into a full-blown takeover. And the group didn’t seem to mind, although a few exchanged looks at the docent, especially each time he tried and failed to take control back of the group.
The man didn’t seem to notice, instead enraptured by the art and his words, his explosion of curly hair as vibrant as every word that left his mouth. But he didn’t seem to do this to boast, stroke his own ego and show off his knowledge, no he seemed truly interested in the pieces and the history behind them.
You bite your lip. It was refreshing, and you caught his eye when he was explaining Renoir’s later obsession with the female form, and the series of nude paintings he did. He locked eyes with you, stammering over his words as your lips curled into a smile, breaking your gaze to look back at the painting. But you noted his red of his cheeks after.
Finally, the docent stepped in front of the man, announcing that the interactive portion of the tour ended, and you were able to break off into your own groups, or walk around on your own. Relieved, the docent shot a harried dirty look at the man, before stalking off, and the man blinked.
“Pretty sure you stole his thunder,” you laughed, sidling up beside him, “A little uncool to hijack a man’s job.”
He licked his lips, “Would you believe me if I said I didn’t mean to?”
“I think I would be more inclined if you talked about more of the pieces with me. If you’re not busy or with someone else,” you added, teeth grazing your lips, and he smiled.
“I’d love to.”
~~~
“I always thought Monet’s Water Lilies were overrated, in terms of his work,” you said, taking a bit of the sandwich you bought from the museum café. Your fingers run over the rough edge of the stone bench, tucked away in the corner of the museum garden, “Of course, they are beautiful, every painting he did arguably was, but there’s something about Sunrise – it just captures what impressionism is to me – fleeting moment in time. A captured moment that is unlike any other, with the way the light silhouettes the boats.”
“I agree, there’s something purely beautiful about capturing a moment in time. Something mundane becomes something so much more – a sunset, waterlilies, a person,” he steals a glance at you, and your heart squeezes.
You can’t help but stare back, but break his gaze to crumple the wrapper of your sandwich, “Do you study art or something?”
He shakes his head, “I’ve just read about it a lot. My mom was a literature professor, but she always loved art too, and I guess I got that from her too.” You stare at him, his cheeks rosy as he blinks at you, “I’m sorry, did I say something—”
You shake your head, “Sorry, it’s just-- God, you’re adorable,” and he sputters at that, rubbing his palms against his knees, fidgeting in place, “sorry I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable—”
“No, no, it’s just, I’m not used to people calling me adorable—” he mumbles, and it’s your turn to blink at him.
“What do you mean?”
“Well usually, people tend to find me irritating,” he rubs the back of his neck, “I ramble, I list off facts, I speak very quickly – I mean you saw that docent—”
“And I also saw the crowd of people hanging on your every word there, including me,” your hand inches toward him, pinky nudging his, until your fingers slowly intertwine, “You don’t give yourself enough credit. If people really aren’t calling you adorable, they must be thinking it, because you are. And now, I’ll be sure to remind you.”
A smile tugs at his lips. His eyes drift to yours, his hand squeezing yours, as he leans closer. His warm breath fans yours and—
RING. RING. RING.
You jump apart, cheeks burning, he untangles himself from you, picking up the call, stepping away, “Hello?” another voice spoke on the other end, “got it. I’ll be there in twenty minutes,” he turns around sheepishly, tongue darting across his lips, “I’m sorry – it’s work. I have to head out now.”
You rise to your feet, brow furrowed, “Is everything okay?”
“More or less, in my work, usually when we get a call it’s not a good thing –” you tilt your head, “I work for the FBI for the Behavioral Analysis Unit.”
“Wow, I --- wow,” you shake your head, “That’s impressive.”
“What do you do?” you shrug, hands folded in front of you.
“I work for this museum actually – as a curator,” and he blinks at you, opening his mouth, “I was on the tour because I like seeing what the other exhibits get up to – I work mostly in the back cataloguing and with the sculptures mainly.”
His eyes twinkle, “Do y-you think you could give me a tour sometime? If you aren’t too busy—”
You grab his hand, and take the pen from behind his ear, scrawling your number on his palm, “Call me when you get back in town, and I’ll give you a very special tour.” You wink, and his cheeks flush.
His mouth open and closes, and he chooses instead just to nod, glancing at his palm, “I have this memorized so I hope you don’t mind if I wash it off later,” he glances at the floor, “my co-workers won’t let me hear the end of it.”
“And what if I want that?” you dare a little closer, and you hear his breath hitch, as your fingers trace his cheek. His eyes flicker around the empty garden, muscles in his shoulders tensing, “is this okay?”
His teeth graze his lip, before he smiles at you, “Yes, more than,” he whispers back just before your lips brush his. You briefly taste the coffee, dark and bitter in contrast to how sweet he tasted. His eyes flutter, biting his lip, until his cell phone vibrates in his pocket. You step away, your hand falling to your side.
“I should go.” He sighs.
“I know,” you lean forward on your toes and press a kiss to his forehead, “Go. Be careful.”
“I will,” he promises, turning to go. You watch the mop of brown hair nearly disappear out the doors, until you call after him.
“Hey cutie!” you spot his head turn, brow adorably scrunched, “Call me.”
