#cmar: 16

[minniepetals]

Do any of the boys perhaps thinks that 'oh maybe her life wasn't rainbows and sunshine after all?'. Because if not then they are blinder than my grandpa 🙄

i think what a lot of people have not come to realize is the fact that just because the boys think y/n's relationship with her father was good doesn't mean they thought everything was rainbow and sunshine for her.

if you really think about it, would anyone just look over the fact that y/n has recurring nightmares, has scars down her back, feels intimidated by people, shuts herself away and refuses to utter a word about any of that, and still believe that she lived with rainbows and sunshine? they obviously knew something was wrong but they never connected the dots with the reason behind what was wrong is all due to her father because, as i reiterated a couple of times now, y/n and her father put up a false pretense of their relationship being all nice and precious -- so the fact that the whole world, including the boys, thought all was fine with them was all just a ruse y/n (and her father) wanted them to believe in.

part of the reason why they didn't connect the dot is, well for one, the reason up above, and two; y/n's a daughter of a powerful mafioso -- which can imply that her life was always at risk just because she's an heir, which means that a lot of her father's enemies could have gone after her and had hurt her, which probably also led to the boys' thoughts of the reason why her father is so "overprotective" of her.

i promise you my boys have brains but it wasn't any of their fault for thinking her father was a good man because as i said, y/n wanted them to believe that and she's been taught her whole life how to fake emotions and fake a whole storyline and fake a whole fairytale and do it so perfectly.

you can refer back to this hoseok line in chapter 16: "She was hurting and yet she always smiled my way, pretending all was okay and you know what's crazy? How convincing she was."

[minniepetals]

I just finished reading cry me a river chapter 16 and it was a lot to process.

My heart breaks for the boys given that they actually loved her and namjoon put them in the position that was like between a rock and a hard place. It was a painful read seeing as how he fell out of love simply because he wanted the deep dark secrets but I feel his concern for her in that time that he was in love was over shadowed by a jealousy because he thought she had such a good upbringing and therefore he had less patience when it came to her because of his perception of her life when it couldn’t be further from the truth.

Poor hobi got the short end of the stick where she tried to protect him while they broke her but in then end he was also broken because of all of them, and you can see he still cares based on how he acts in previous chapters.

Y/n is such a broken character, I’m waiting for the ball to drop where they find out what she actually lived through and feel like shit because even now, she’s still broken over them, namjoon’s words hurt her and they chose him over her, and she’s so terrified of being abandoned and them finding everything out that she’d rather lie about killing jungwon because then namjoon hates her and can’t leave her again. But she needs to learn you can’t run from your problems and killing people who hurt you only creates a bigger list of enemies because those people don’t care that they hurt her.

all chaos is mixed into one single bowl and everything's so complicated lmao.

an anon pointed out namjoon's feelings in a way that i felt described him very well -- in terms of being valid in how he thought (his approach was wrong but he wasn't at fault for everything). in a relationship where he was able to open up and show her his vulnerability, broke down his walls, cried and relied on her, y/n in turn couldn't do that for him. and that wasn't her fault either, but because namjoon was left in the dark, he felt as if perhaps what he was giving her wasn't enough, and questioned whether his own love for her was right and whether she was actually happy with them or not -- because remember, the boys were the first to fall in love and when she joined the relationship, she was still figuring things out and trying out how it felt to accept love.

in all honesty, y/n wasn't ready for love because that anon was right. relationship goes both ways and because she wasn't able to accept their love in full, their (namjoon's) insecurities came out in a larger context and eventually, he just stopped.

love was a strange word in her vocabulary, because while she did have her mister butler, he was ripped away from her, and he was the only one who taught her what it felt to be loved in turn but at a young age. y/n's been surrounded with hate and disrespect and people looking down on her and she's always been rejected when she loved (her mother, her father, even the people the worked under her), so to be brought into a different environment doesn't mean she can easily accept that. the boys loved her unconditionally but she didn't know how to open up, how to speak up, to accept what it was they were offering to her, and returned to shutting herself away from them, just as she's been taught to her whole entire life.

even towards the reapers that cares a lot for her, she's unable to accept all of them -- their love. she refuses to see it and barely utters a word about anything about her and when she does, they're always in vague terms. in the reaper's case, they were with her during a lot of the abuse her father had put her through but if anyone else were to look at her from afar, they would see her as nothing but this powerful woman who killed her father for the throne, not understanding at all where she came from

[minniepetals]

HOBI! idk what's going to happen but I placed all my trust in you??? don't break my heart??? 🥹🥹🥹

you need to come into cmar expecting me to break your hearts cuz the whole title is literally cry me a river lmao. we'll see what happens. maybe im just baiting you, maybe im not :))

[minniepetals]

Dude wth lol I'm gonna be honest idk how I came to finding your Cry Me A River fuc holy damn you got me hooked. Its taken me 3 nights after to binge all the chapters. Im caught up w a bated breath waiting for chapter 17 because omg you have a talent. Amazing work 👏 can't wait for the next but I know the wait will be worth it fs!

thank you thank you!! glad you were able to find me and then get hooked up on cmar haha. it's a whole ride of anguish i wish could end already so i can write some fluff :((

[minniepetals]

Ahhhh, as always, you never missed. This latest chapter really clears up the confusion and curiosity we had over how the boys actually reacted during their divorce. Now that we have the insights, my heart breaks along with theirs. The fact that the love of their lives was taken away, and having to pick sides must be gut wrenching. The way namjoon blamed himself, the way we finally get to know how the rest of the guys loved oc, this is such a devastating love story 😭😭😭 i hope and hope that in the next chapter, the story will slowly unravels itself, and the guys will be just a little bit kinder to oc. Another part of me would want the guys to suffer so badly, just for them to feel what oc felt, but at the same time i know it wasn't their choice either, so authornim, please be kinder to oc, and maybe some of the guys, afterall if it was indeed true, they probably still have a little bit of love and hope for oc. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

anyway, this chapter is really really packed with angst, just what i needed to get my tear ducts activated bcs i need a reason to cry, A levels makes me want to rip my hair out 😍

glad you liked it! i too want happiness for my characters (especially y/n) as much as the average cmar readers do and there will definitely come a time but all our baby wants is to get revenge on her perpetrators and that'll only cause her more and more anguish.

i thought of a scenario last night in order to help me sleep but i just caused myself to want to cry and now i can't stop thinking about that certain scene and trust me when i get to writing it and upload it for you guys to read it, ah...the angst (and no im not talking about the reveal)

[minniepetals]

not you making me cry so much on the cry me a river chapter 15 and 16. I just read it now and I've never wanted to smack Joon. Anyways I wanted to ask if Hoseok ever thought of leaving the boys to find y/n during the 10 year period she disappeared?

there was a small little part in hoseok's monologue in chapter 14 where he spoke about how there were times when he thought about taking his keys and driving to the reaper's manor in order to see her and ask for forgiveness but what held him back was the fact that he knew he had nothing to apologize for and if there were anyone who'd bring her back, it's be namjoon and his sincere apology. so he decided to respect her choice in returning and stayed to reconcile with the boys because he knew that was what she would want

[minniepetals]

First of all I am stunned speechless by chap 16. I love the angst so much and I was honestly surprised in how you angled the story. It’s so real. Joon falling out of love bec of his frustration is so understandable! I personally experienced it lol, like I love this person so much, but the annoyance just piles up until I can’t look at them the same anymore. And the fact that the others had to choose him bec he’s the mafia boss is also something that answers my question when I first read cmar! I was wondering how did the boys all fall out of love but you wrote such beautiful explanations that are very much in line with the storyline! They couldn’t just go against Joon because he’s the leader. At this point i understand both the Boys and yn’s side and i hate none of them. Theyre just all victims of circumstances and lack of communication. I also love seeing the boys pov so thank you for that. I am expecting more angst AND I LOVE IT. thank you for the blessing of cmar where the ride is angst-full but will end in rainbows, which is something I absolutely love and can barely find these days. 🫶🫶

i'm so happy that you enjoyed chapter 16 so much! in the moment of writing it, i felt all the emotions coming through and i feel like there are people still in denial but people can fall out of love even if that comes through with insecurities and there's a difference between caring for someone, loving someone and not being in love with someone. namjoon still cares/cared for her but that form of care doesn't have to take in the form of being in love. in the end, he did what he thought was best for y/n since he thought he wasn't making her happy, that his love wasn't enough for her, and yeah sending her back to her father was a horrible decision but did namjoon know that?

all the characters are just a whole mess lmao, but that's just how life is. definitely could do better with communication but until then, we're continuing on this ride of angst, swimming in a river of tears.

fluff ain't coming anytime soon

[minniepetals]

So I totally agree with all the other readers that Namjoon deserves to grovel for what he did, but at the same time I can’t help but see his POV too. He’s obviously been through a lot in his childhood as well and to fall in love with MC and *choose* to show his vulnerability must have taken a big leap. And to see MC never reciprocate (not just to him, but to the others too) must have been so hurtful that it may have clouded his initial feelings for her. And how bangtan reacted when he revealed his thoughts (mostly with anger or disgust) probably also increased his guilt and resentment which led him to his decisions. I think Minnie has written very multidimensional characters, and we’re taking sides as readers but it’s impt to consider that no one is perfect. Relationships can be ugly and hurtful just as much as loving, and for a relationship to be successful it would take all of them choosing to work through their problems (which MC clearly was ready for yet). We’re just in for the ride as it plays out 😗 Anyways, I absolutely loved your work as usual, thank you Minnie 💕

thank you for sharing these lovely thoughts oml

you know i get a little excited when i get asks about someone understanding namjoon's side to this because there's a whole lot of blaming and anger and bias -- which is explainable because we know almost everything about y/n's side at this point. but if you were put in namjoon's position, what would you do? because for him, it takes a lot to open up and break down his walls, he's not a man to trust easily, just as the rest of the guys. they've all had tough times growing up and someone can argue but y/n's been through a lot and yeah, she has, but that shouldn't invalidate everyone else's traumas and pasts. everyone goes through things and everyone hurts differently but they all hurt.

they all hurt.

and giving that trust to someone else is kind of like giving a silent plea for them to be vulnerable as well, that trust should be mutual, but y/n wasn''t able to reciprocate -- understandably but how was namjoon supposed to know? he knows nothing because y/n stayed silent and obviously readers know just why because they've been given that information but if they hadn't known about y/n's situation, i think they'd be more understanding towards namjoon's situation

obviously namjoon went about things wrongly and he should be accountable for those wrongdoings but his feelings are valid too