Crucify My Love - Chapter 6
Caleb helped Ray drop down into the elevator, followed by Joel who was carrying their extra guns slung around his back. When both the tarps and everyone were situated, Ryan pulled the hatch shut and spun it into a lock. “Hit the button.”
Ray let Caleb lean against him as the elevator descended. "You sure you're okay?" Ray asked again as he held Caleb close. He felt bad that the boy got hit trying to protect his sorry ass. He sighed softly and kisses the top of the boys hair. "That was too much excitement for one day." He chuckled.
Joel grinned and ruffled Ray's hair. "Too much excitement for the newbie. We shoulda left you at home." He teased and caught Ryan's eye. "Sorry..." Joel was a little jealous of how protective the man was of the newcomer, how much he took a shining to the small boy. Joel felt like Ryan was too old for the kid and it wasn't fair that Ryan could just use Joel without expecting him to get some kind of feelings.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I see worse in my infirmary every hour,” Caleb laughed airily. “We got our revenge on him anyway.” He tapped his foot against the rolled up tarp.
Ryan saw Joel’s frustrated look and he clenched his jaw. “Why don’t you and Gus make yourselves useful and carry these motherfuckers to Burnie’s lab?” He said when the elevator reached the bottom of the shaft. “Go on.” Ryan yanked the heavy grate doors open, Gus groaned a little in protest but picked up one of the tarps.
“Caleb, we should get you to the infirmary, okay? We’ll go by there on our way to the sterilizing room,” Ryan continued.
Joel huffed and picked the one Ryan killed lugging it through the doors and down the hall. Joel was pissed off, and there was no way he'd let the man come to him again for a booty call. He could jerk himself instead.
Ray helped Caleb out of the elevator and supported the boy's weight. "Okay, as long as you promise you're okay." He said softly carrying the duffle bag as well. "What's the sterilizing room? You gonna pour alcohol on me?" He laughed a little trying to lighten the mood.
"Yeah, yeah, I'll just rest for a bit." Caleb always got embarrassed when he was the one people focused their worry on. "Don't worry about it, just get Ray cleaned up. It's just a vacant chamber where they'll wash you off with some hot water, wash your clothes too."
Ryan walked with them towards the infirmary, hovering at the doorway. "Then you just go through a little vacuum Burnie cooked up, gets the germs we're looking for off you. Bit of a hassle." He nodded for Ray to follow him. "I'll check on you in a bit, okay Caleb?"
Caleb rolled his eyes and sat at his desk. "Alright, go on."
Ray waved at Caleb as they left the infirmary and walked down to the sterilizing room. "Who's gonna wash me down?" He asked softly and reached out for Ryan's hand. "I just wanna get high..." Ray mumbled and chewed his bottom lip. He sounded like such a pothead but that was all he wanted to do. He needed to relax and that was the only way he knew how to.
The white room was empty when they entered, like some old shower room that was stripped down. Ryan stalled on the sterile tile. "I guess I will. You can keep your boxers on, stand over the drain there." He unraveled a faucet off the wall and started running the hot spring water.
Ray blushed and pulled his sweater off, tossing it on the floor. "You gonna sponge me down too?" He giggled and he pushed his pants down and then hooked his thumbs in his boxers. "You want me to leave my boxers on?" He asked softly and looked at the man. "Oh, and can you hold my glasses too?"
Ryan took Ray’s glasses off and smiled calmly. “Of course I don’t want you to keep your boxers on,” he answered. “Why don’t you take them off?” Ryan backed up a few steps and waited with the faucet running in his hand. “Does it bother you, me staring at you?”
Ray blushed harder as he squinted to see Ryan's face without his glasses. "Uh... Not really? I mean it kinda does. I'm not ashamed of my body." He laughed softly and pushed his boxers down his hipbones slightly. Ray couldn't really see the man’s face face from this far away, he was a blur of colour with mild features which somehow made it easier. He pushed his boxers down a further revealing his more of his body, until the boxers fell to the floor and Ray stood there in front of the man naked.
Ryan approached him again with the hot, clean water. “Good,” he murmured, eyes scoping down Ray’s torso. “You shouldn’t be.” He smirked and reached around Ray, staying in front of him as the water hit his shoulder blades and fall down his back. “I wouldn’t look if you didn’t want me to.” He ran the faucet over Ray’s neck, curling a hand in his hair.
Ray almost lost his breath, it felt so fucking good after that encounter with the corp viral. Ray reached his hands up and touched the man's chest. "I bet you're lying! I bet you'd look anyway." He laughed airily and licked his lips still trying to see Ryan.
"You don't want me to?" Ryan grinned and ran the water over his hair and neck. "I think you do. I think you're afraid to think that you do..." He didn't care that the water was getting all over his shirt the closer he got to Ray. He just ran his free palm down to the nape of Ray's back, like a caress that made him shudder even under the hot water.
Ray pushed Ryan's jacket off his shoulders and let it drop on the wet floor. He yanked the man's shirt off over the man's head. "Yeah, I may kinda want you to... I shouldn't want you to..." Ray mumbled as he moved closer to Ryan. He shouldn't want to be this close to him, it wasn't supposed to feel like this. He trembled at the soft touches from the man’s calloused fingers.
“Mm…” Ryan ran his palm down further, touching Ray’s ass and running the water over his chest. There was something in the grain of his voice that made Ray want to lean closer, even before the world turned to shit, he hadn’t felt so attracted to someone before. He’d always assumed he just hadn’t been ready for girls, or worse that something was wrong with him. Ryan rubbed the water down his chest, rubbing away some of the smudges of dried black blood. “You’re fuckin’ beautiful, you know,” he murmured.
Ray blushed and shook his head. "M'not..." He mumbled as he reach down to undo Ryan's belt. Ray stopped himself and pulled away slightly. He barely got a hold of himself and blushed harder. Why was he so attracted to this man, why was he attracted to a man? That's not how it was supposed to feel. His parents wouldn’t expect this from him. "I'm sorry..."
“It’s okay, love.” Ryan smiled and pushed the wet hair out of his face, rubbing his back gently. “I think you’re plenty clean now, we shouldn’t need to fully decontaminate you.” He stepped away and grabbed a towel off the hanger, putting it around Ray’s shoulders to give him a little coverage. “You packed some clothes didn’t you?” Ryan picked up his dirty clothes and put them in the washer at the front of the shower room.
Ray sighed and walked over to Ryan, pressing up against his back and hugged him tightly. "Why're you talking like this?" He mumbled and bit his bottom lip. "Can we go smoke up now?" Ray said softly as he pressed his forehead against Ryan's back between Ryan's shoulder blades. "Call me love again..." He mumbled.
“Love,” Ryan replied smoothly. He turned around and wrapped his arms around Ray’s back, hugging the towel to his damp skin. “You gonna try n’ get me high again? Seduce me, little boy?” He grinned teasingly and pulled Ray towards the door by his towel where they’d left the duffel bag. He unzipped the bag, first seeing the giant bong Ray had stashed in there. “Jesus,” he barked out a laugh. “Put on some boxers unless you want me to carry you naked.”
Ray squeaked and pulled a pair of boxers on. "You're... Gonna carry me?" He asked softly and chewed his bottom lip. "I just wanna get high with someone!" He laughed nervously and looked up at Ryan. God, Ray wanted nothing more than to be picked up in his big arms and carried around as he talked in that soft, almost intoxicating voice.
“I’ll carry you through the fuckin’ apocalypse,” Ryan laughed and grabbed Ray closer, pulling him up by the waist and carrying his legs. “Jesus, this bag is heavier than you. Did you pack a whole closet of weed?” He loved the embarrassed look on Ray’s face when he was carried into the hallway of the bunker, a few people walking by them with wide eyes. No one was used to seeing Ryan goof off like that. “We’ll go to my room, you’re not gonna smother me in another closet.”
Ray giggled and hid his face against Ryan's neck. "Okay. I didn't mean to smother you..." He mumbled and wrapped his arm around Ryan's neck. "I just wanna get high with you. I'm usually alone when I smoke up."
“I’m just giving you a hard time.” He carried Ray into his bunker, kicking the metal door shut behind them. Ray still fucking loved Ryan’s room. So many of the other rooms just had tile or cement floors, Ryan had strayed his with different rugs and carpets strewn over each other. The same kinds of tarps hung around and over his bed between all the different glowing lamps. “Here we are…”
Ryan set him down along with the duffel bag, letting Ray retrieve what he wanted. He wouldn’t have taken Ryan as the type to decorate if he hadn’t seen the man’s room already, it felt like a special place to him.
“This room has pretty good ventilation, don’t usually get stuck with the pot stench.”
Ray looked at the duffle bag, reaching over to pull a T-shirt out of the bag. "Good! You ready?" He laughed as he pulled his big bag of weed out with his bong. "I feel bad about this stuff, I used my parents money to buy it..." He said softly and bit his bottom lip. "C'mere."
“If it helps, I’m sure your parents would understand the need to get high at a time like this,” Ryan murmured as he dropped off his wet shirt in the laundry basket, unzipping his jeans too. “Bring it over here.” He sat on the bed and took off his shoes, just laying on the bed in his boxers. Ray was starting to really love Ryan’s warm bed.
Ray climbed on the bed and smiled happily. "It does." Ray said as he gave Ryan the bong. "Do we have bottled water? I just need to put some in there." He said as he pointed to the bottom chamber and reached for his bag of weed.
“Yeah.” Ryan grabbed a bottle of water from the nightstand, letting him set up the large bong. “You do this often?” The man grinned at him and sat up, crossing his legs. Ray kept wanting to stare at him, the guy who often wore so much armor was just sitting with him in his boxers. “I’m sorry about what happened today, y’know… I should’ve stayed with you two to be cautious.”
Ray filled the bowl with a bud of weed. "I do this often, yeah... Kinda a pothead." He mumbled and moved closer to Ryan. "It's okay, I get it..." He murmured as he put the bowl piece back in the bong and looked at Ryan. "You wanna go first?"
“Haven’t actually hit a bong in a decade, but alright,” Ryan laughed a little as he took the glass from Ray and lit up the end of it. “I thought it would be better to check the basement, see if any small virals were using the place as a nest… I won’t make that kinda mistake again.” He put his lips to the top of the tube, letting it grow white with smoke before sucking it in. His eyes burned as the scent heated him up from the inside, making him cough.
Ray smiled brightly as he watched Ryan inhale the white smoke. "A decade? How old are you?" He giggled and pulled the slide out so Ryan didn't cough too much. "It's okay. Don't worry too much about it. No one got seriously hurt."
Ryan held it in for a few long moments, huffing the rest of it out. “Shut up! I’m exaggerating, not since I was a teen,” he protested as he passed the bong back to Ray. “Fuck…” The hit gave him some vertigo, easily taking the edge off and making him feel calmer. He smiled gently and left his hand on Ray’s knee.
Ray put his mouth on the opening of the tube, he lit the bowl putting his finger over the choke hole. Ray lit the weed and inhaled slowly letting the smoke gather in the chamber. Ray pulled the slide out as he removed his finger from the choke and inhaled all the smoke, holding it in and loving the feeling of Ryan's hand on his knee. Ray wanted to sit in Ryan's lap, that was where he wanted to be, but he wasn't high enough yet.
Ryan laid on his side next to Ray, watching him breathe in the strong hit and the way his mouth looked so good like that. He had to think of something else. "You brought your GameCube? I'll have to bum that off you time to time..." He chuckled lightly.
Ray giggled and nodded. "’Course! We can play together." He said as he passed the bong back to Ryan. "I like being with you." He said softly and chewed his bottom lip. Was he asking for too much? To be close to Ryan? Did Ryan wanna just fuck him then toss him away?
“C’mere.” Ryan grinned, looking rather giddy as he grabbed the bong from Ray and took another hit. “Said c’mere.” He pulled Ray over to him and wrapped an arm around the boy’s waist, feeling his skin and tingling. “The apocalypse isn’t so bad, right?” He chuckled and pressed his face against the boy’s chest.
Ray giggled and shook his head. "It's not too bad I guess. At least I have friends now." He laughed as he took the last hit of the bong. He placed it on Ryan's nightstand and curled up on the bed with Ryan. "You're so cute..." He mumbled and pressed his face against Ryan's chest.
“Mmh, me? I’m not fuckin’ cute.” Ryan grinned and closed his eyes, grabbing one of the furry blankets and pulling it around Ray to get him to cuddle closer. “You’re cute… How is your body always so warm?” He nuzzled the top of Ray’s head, smelling his hair and touching his back. Ryan usually never got this touchy but all he wanted to do right now was touch.
Ray shrugged and giggled softly. "Dunno..." He mumbled and cuddled closer, his cheek against the man's chest. "I really like you..." He said as he wrapped his arms around Ryan tighter. "You are cute though!" Ray giggled happily and kissed the man's chest.
“Call me cute again n’ I’ll fucking spank you,” Ryan cracked up and grabbed Ray’s ass, teasing him and biting his jaw. “I’ve never had such strong shit before… Surprised you have enough brain cells left.” He laughed giddily and tugged Ray against him, making the boy hook his leg over his hip. “I’m handsome, rugged, chiseled, take your pick. But you’re cute… sexy too.”
Ray giggled and shook his head. "I'm ugly. You're the cutest, rugged!" He laughed nuzzled his face against Ryan's chest. "You just wanna get in my pants. I know how you kinda guys work, just want some action." He laughed and pulled gently at Ryan's hair.
"That's ridiculous,” Ryan huffed and pinched Ray’s side lightly, pressing his face against the top of the boy’s head. “I care about the people I'm physical with, y'know, it's not that simple. I don't wanna implode, but I don't use people for sex." He pushed the hair out of Ray's face. "And by that logic, I would kick you out since I already got in your pants, remember?" He grinned, knowing Ray didn't want to admit to that.
Ray opened his mouth in surprise and pressed his face harder against Ryan's chest. "Shuddaup!" He hissed and looked at Ryan. "Then what about Joel?" He asked sofer, a little confused. "I get that you care about him, but it's not like you guys are thing? You basically just use him for sex?" He mumbled and shook his head. "Don't worry about it. Just high rambling." He said as he pushed Ryan onto his back and sat on his hips. "I do like you though, with you I feel safe y'know?"
“Joel and I hook up when we’re tense, I care for him… If he starts getting real feelings for me, I can’t hook up with him anymore,” Ryan murmured as he drifted his palms up Ray’s warm thighs. “I don’t want to hurt him. With the world looking like this, we need human contact. Romance isn’t a smart thing to pursue though…” He was rambling now too. “Contact, care, not romantic attachment. That’ll kill you worse than the virus, ask Burnie.”
Ray looked at Ryan and chewed his bottom lip. "What happened with Burnie?" He whispered. "And what if I want some kinda romance? It'd have to be with someone other than you then?" He mumbled and rubbed his forehead and placed his glasses on Ryan's nightstand. "I mean that's fine with me. I'm sure I could find someone who would want what I want anyway..."
Ryan furrowed his eyebrows and frowned. “You know what happened with Gavin, that kid was all Burnie loved. It’s not like I’m heartless.” He looked up at the ceiling, not liking the way he was making the boy think. “It’s advice, you don’t have to take it. I’m shocked you’d even consider me for romance,” he snorted. “It’s not a sin to love dick.”
Ray rolled his eyes and squinted down at the man. "I'm not saying it is, though technically it is." He laughed and shook his head. "I remember what you said about Gavin, I didn't know how close they were." Ray said as he leaned down to curl closer to the man.
“They were really close. Burnie and him were the wildest, I remember he was planning to marry him,” Ryan seemed a little dazed by the memory, it felt so far away now. “Didn’t get to ask. That was before the war really broke out too, it’s not a safe time to indulge in romance… Especially not me for what I go up against day to day.”
Ray curled closed closer and held onto Ryan tightly. "Yeah..." He sighed softly and chewed the inside of his lip. So Ryan just wanted in his pants to blow off steam and release tension? It made sense but there was no way Ray would let someone fuck him and have it not really mean anything. He sighed softly and sat back up. "Maybe I should go..."
Ryan let his grip around Ray loosen, letting him sit up. “I’m not asking anything from you,” he said under his breath. “The world’s shit enough without people using each other, I don’t want you to go…” He leaned back against the headboard with his arms behind his neck, still tingly. “Go ahead if you want, I need to make sure those samples got to the lab.”
Ray looked at Ryan and sighed, moving to sit between the man's legs and leaned against his chest. "I… I just..." He shook his head. "It's nothing." Ray mumbled and traced shapes and different lines over Ryan's chest. "What did you do before all this happened?" Ray was kinda curious about the man's past.
Ryan shrugged, not having focused on it in a long while. “I was in the army, I left the army to take care of my sister’s kids.” He was surprised to hear Ryan even had family, it hadn’t computed to him before. “Worked at a meat shop for a while…” He caught Ray’s jaw in his palm, making him look at him. “Tell me what you were thinking.”
Ray looked at Ryan and leaned up slightly so he could peer at his eyes. "Thinking about what?" he asked as he ran his fingers through Ryan's hair. Ray liked being around Ryan, even if all he wanted the boy for was to release tension.
“When you said, ‘it’s nothing.’ What is it?” Ryan asked in a soft voice. He sat up with Ray curled up on his lap, caught in his arms. He had a sudden hankering for food too. “I wanna get some snacks… Drop by the lab.” He hadn’t worked high before.
Ray looked at Ryan and blushed. "I-I was gonna ask if I could kiss you..." He chewed his bottom lip, figuring Ryan wouldn't let him anyway. He sat there in his lap, just looking up at Ryan with a shy gaze.
Ryan assessed him carefully, taking in to measure what Ray had said about romance, what he had said about attachment but he ended up just being hung up on the way Ray fit in his arms and how cute his voice was. “Not enough time to kiss… When I kiss you, you’ll be stuck with me for hours.” He smirked and picked Ray up off the bed, setting him down so they could get dressed into something more proper to be seen outside.
Ray huffed and laid back in Ryan's bed. "I'm tired and hungry. Can't we just stay here and cuddle instead? Or is that against your rules?" He teased, a little worried that the man wouldn't want to lay with him anymore.
Ryan zipped up his cargo pants and pulled some socks on, leaning against one of the bedposts. He seemed a little put off by Ray’s straightforwardness. “That goes against the rules, Ray, just because I wanna get mixed up with you doesn’t mean you should wanna get mixed up with me...” He grabbed his boots and laced them on. “The lab has a kitchen area, we should get down there.”
Ray sighed and sat up, putting his clothes on haphazardly. "Fine, let me put my stuff in my room so I don't have to disturb you again..." He mumbled and put his glasses on, pulling his hood over his head. Maybe it was a bad idea to have said that. Ray was kinda mad at himself, and to be honest, didn't wanna be around the man. He feels him up, and then nothing, not even a kiss. Ray was done with Ryan. He definitely wasn't gay.
Ryan opened his mouth to say something but didn’t know how to save himself. He unlatched the door to his bunker, letting Ray leave with his dufflebag of things, the high in them both turned a bit sour. “Disturb me whenever you want,” he managed to get out before Ray had gone.
Ray felt another flare of frustration, he jammed his hands in his pockets and walked towards his room. He hated how Ryan could treat him so casually with that rasp in his voice, yet still make him feel like he was all Ryan was looking at when he looked at him.
Ryan rubbed his forehead and stepped out of his room too, deciding to go by the infirmary to check on Caleb.
Ray set the duffle bag down on his bed and opened it up. He pulled his clothes out and put them away in his dresser drawers, unpacking a little. Ray placed his bong on top of the dresser and sighed. Why did he have to ruin his own high with asking Ryan for things he knew wouldn't happen? He laid in his bed staring at the ceiling. Fuck Ryan. Fuck the apocalypse, he'd just sleep.
"Caleb?" Ryan stepped into the infirmary, finding the nurse boy laying in one of his own cots. "How ya doing?" He walked over, able to see where Caleb was bruising. He looked tired as shit.
Caleb looked over at Ryan and smiled softly. "Where's Ray?" He asked as he stretched and winced at the pain. "How're you? You look upset."
“He went back to his room to rest.” Ryan shrugged and sat down beside Caleb’s cot, giving him a new bag of ice to put on his shoulder. “You look rough. I’m fine, just a bit high,” he huffed out a laugh and held the bag to Caleb’s collarbone. “Think I pissed Ray off, but. I can’t help doing that.”
Caleb looked at Ryan with a slight eyeroll. "What do you mean? What did you do?" He asked as he smiled at Ryan. "I'm doing okay. How're you doing? Just high?" He said as he moved to sit closer, resting his head against Ryan's shoulder.
“Yeah… Kinda fucked up. D’you wanna come with me to Burnie’s office? Why don’t I put you in a wheelchair so you don’t have to move.” Ryan realized he felt more guilty for endangering Caleb earlier today than he’d thought.
"What did you do?" Caleb asked and shook his head. "It's okay. I can walk." He refuted as he stretched. "I'm not too bad. Let's go see Burnie, I haven't been down to see him in a long time."
“‘Cause he rarely lets anyone see him,” Ryan snorted and held his hand out for Caleb, holding up one of the boy’s arms to support. “Just lean on me.” He shook his head as they walked out of the infirmary. “I didn’t do anything! It’s not always my fault.” Ryan laughed and rubbed his eyes, keeping Caleb up. “Don’t worry about it.”
Caleb looked at Ryan. "Then what did Ray do?" He asked as the walked towards the lab. "I wonder how he's doing... I wish he would be okay, y'know?" Ryan opened the door to Burnie's lab and walked down.
Burnie was standing hunched over the corpse, poking prodding and pulling stuff off of the body. "Who's there?! The fuck you want? I'm busy!"
“Burnie! It’s just us.” Ryan grinned as they walked into the lab rooms. The labs were the one area of the bunker that were actually decked out in technology, monitors, white screens and sterile fridges. Ryan didn’t know how to use a single tool in there but he liked watching people like Burnie who did. “Did Joel and Gus get you the new samples? Looks like it…” The corpse on the table was a viral.
"Yeah," Burnie mumbled as he cut into the viral and looked at Caleb. "How're you and Caleb? He looks beaten up." He said with his head kept down looking at viral.
Caleb smiled softly and held onto Ryan. "How's the viral? Got what you needed?"
“Geez… he’d have to learn something. Look at all the guts he’s pulling out.” Ryan cringed as he reached for a face mask to put over his mouth. “Put one on too.” He stepped over to the other side of the table, Burnie was harvesting stem and blood cells into petri dishes. “We’re alright, this guy got the first swing at Caleb, but we’re alright. Why do you need so much more material now? Seems like we just brought in virals.”
Burnie kept his eyes focused on what he was doing, not wanting to fuck up any of the samples he needed to test. “We’re trying to save the world, remember,” the man helpfully replied. “I’m making some progress on a new study… one that will help us.” He usually didn’t get more specific than that. “Barb is working on the counteractive sirum still.”
Burnie his head down, only looking up when the petri dishes were sealed. “So, did you want something?” He asked a little impatiently. “I have fucking work to do.” His jaw clenched. “I know you wanna know what I’m doing but you wouldn’t get a single thing I say.”
Caleb laughed softly and chewed his bottom lip. “I-I guess we should go, I’m sure Ryan will come back to check up on you.” Caleb hated coming to see Burnie, he was always so tense.
“I just wanted to see how you were doing, man,” Ryan offered. “I haven’t even seen you for like almost two weeks. We got you your virals, how’s about a ‘thank you’? Caleb got a nasty hit for these.” He looked into the viral’s opened body, feeling a little sick. The infection had turned it’s blood into black pus. Burnie had cut open the heart and as working on the cranial cavity. “You’ll go insane if you don’t talk to anyone, Burns. At least let Barbara share this lab room with you.”
Burnie straightened up to look at Ryan. He took his gloves off and sighed. "Yeah, I know... I'm just… It's been two years today, since y’know... I'm a little on edge today. I need to go visit him." Burnie sighed heavily and wipe the sweat off his forehead. "Barb is okay in the back. I don't need her to see this. Her and Arryn see enough."
“You’re going to work yourself to death, you visit him almost everyday, Burnie… I promise their graves are all safe from the virus on our holy ground, Burn, it’s surveillanced 24/7.” Ryan sat on one of the stools across from the guy who was cleaning his scalpels and putting a few samples in the fridge. “You don’t need to go back there everyday… In fact, you probably shouldn’t.” He didn’t want to be the one to say it but he cared about Burnie. “Since it’s the date, we can go with you.”
Burnie looked at Ryan. "You know how important he was to me! Don't you!" He was shaking, he needed Gavin here now more than ever. Burnie sighed and took his glasses off to rub his eyes. "I-I need to. I don't want him to think I forgot about him..."
Caleb hated seeing Burnie like this, it killed him. He felt bad for the man. "It's okay, Ryan will go with you, okay? Meg just wants to make sure you're safe."
Ryan got up and crossed over to Burnie, pulling him in by the shoulder and wrapping him in a hug. "Burnie... I'm sorry," he replied softly. "Wrap up this ugly viral, I'll go with you, okay? We'll bring some flowers. But I want you to try not go back there for the rest of the week."
Burnie gripped Ryan's jacket and sighed. "I'm not gonna make that a promise." Burnie mumbled and held onto the man tighter. "I can't not go visit him. You can't stop me from going..." Burnie mumbled, feeling more deflated. "I loved him so much... Why did this have to happen? I can't get over him..."
Ryan hugged him tighter in response. "I know, Burnie..." Since this viral war had broken out, time blurred together. Time moved so slow even though it seemed like just yesterday that Gavin was here. "Clean up these guts, I'll walk Caleb back to his room and we can go. Okay?"
Burnie nodded and sighed as he wrapped the viral up and moved it into the ice boxes. He cleared up his table too as he watched Ryan pick the small boy up and hug close, carrying him out of the lab.
Burnie teared his eyes away and walked into the back. "Hey Barb! I'm going to Gavin's grave. Can you and Arryn run the samples in the fridge with the red X on them? I'll be back soon."
Arryn walked over to Barb and smiled at the man. "Of course. Go. We understand how important today is to you."
“Say ‘hi’ to him for us,” Barbara added with a smile, she sighed once Burnie had gathered his things and gone to meet up with Ryan, leaving the two girls there. “Two years today, huh? We weren’t even completely moved to the bunker then, he still lived up top. I feel so sorry for him… I don’t know why he won’t let us help him with these labs anymore.”
Arryn sighed and nodded. "I know what you mean..." She mumbled and hugged Barbara. "I hope he's okay... I'm so worried about him with Gavin, it doesn’t seem like he’s moved on much at all." She mumbled.
Barbara leaned her head back against Arryn’s shoulder, comforted by her arms around her waist. “I guess we’d better take care of these samples…”
Ryan laid Caleb out in bed, putting on the TV in the corner of the room to watch. Most of the local stations weren’t running anymore so Gus set up a line that played a random string of old movies all day. “Here.” He got a beer for the boy from underneath his desk. Ray’s room next door was sealed shut.
Caleb smiled happily and nodded. "Thanks. Go take care of Burnie. I worry about him, he doesn't look like he’s been sleeping much more." He murmured as he squeezed Ryan's hand. "And talk to Ray!" He hissed and relaxed in the bed, he was glad to be relaxing for a little while. He knew Ryan would take care of him.
Ryan gave his flat frown and let out an exasperated sigh. “Alright, alright. You get some rest. Your cell has my connection in it if you need anything, okay?” He pushed his fingers through Caleb’s short hair before pulling away and stepping out of his room. “We’ll be back later.”
He stopped in front of Ray’s door, resting his forehead against it tentatively. “Ray, you in there?”
Caleb blushed and bit his bottom lip. He loved when Ryan touched him like that.
Ray turned to face the door. "Yeah... What you want?" He mumbled and rubbed his eyes, he'd just been staring at that wall for the past hour on a bad high. "Did you go see Burnie?"
“Yeah, we’re going topside. Today’s the anniversary Gavin died… Did you wanna come meet him?” Ryan leaned against the door, hearing the echo of Ray’s muffled voice. “Did you get some food? Some fresh air might help the high.”
Ray sighed softly as he got outta bed. Why was he so damn drawn to the man's voice? "Yeah okay..." He mumbled as he unlocked his door, opening it, the man almost falling on top of him. "That poor man. He must've really loved him..."
Ryan wrapped a hand around Ray’s jaw, giving him a small, apologetic kiss on the forehead. He didn’t say anything else, just took his hand and walked with him towards the command room. “Yeah, not the most fun of days. Burnie, ready to go?” He found the other man sitting in the center.
Ray blushed as he looked up at Burnie. “H-Hi… I’m Ray.” Ray outstretched his hand and Burnie took it, shaking it lightly. “Burnie.”
Burnie stood and looked at Ryan and nodded. “Yeah. We’re gonna get him flowers right?” He said and leaned against Ryan slightly. He really wished he could’ve went alone, or just with Ryan.
“Yeah,” Ryan mirrored. “Let’s go, there are wildflowers on the way. Ray’s newest here, we found him when we were clearing out that mine in Dallas.” Burnie noticed he was about the same height and build as Gavin was, he tried not to let it bother him. The three of them found their way to the elevator, Burnie wouldn’t look at Ray for longer than a second.
Ray looked at Ryan and chewed his bottom lip. “U-Um… Ryan, maybe I should stay back in the bunker?” He wasn’t comfortable with the way the man was looking at him, it made him uneasy.
Burnie kept his gaze ahead of him looking at the elevator. “Make up your mind kid, we’re burning daylight.”
Ryan lightly smacked Burnie’s chest. “You don’t have to come if you don’t want to, you should stay with us.” He reached out for Ray’s hand, pulling him into the elevator. Ray could still feel the shape of Ryan’s lips pressed on his forehead, he said less than a few hours ago that he’d be done messing with Ryan but here he was.
Ray pressed against Ryan’s other side slightly and sighed under his breath. "Okay, I'll come." He laughed and hid behind Ryan’s shoulder.
Burnie clenched his jaw as he looked at Ray. He hated the way that kid looked, resented it, the smallest things reminded him of Gavin. Burnie was pissed at Ryan for bringing this kid to him, like what did he want him to do? Forget about him? There was no fucking way that would ever happen.
Ryan pushed the elevator closed and hit the button, the elevator rattled every time it ascended. Ryan was the first to climb out of the latch at the top, then he helped Ray, and Burnie. “Why don’t we take one bike? Burnie, hop in the sidecart. Ray you can sit behind me.” He could feel Burnie’s discomfort and anger at him, he didn’t know how to comfort him.
“C’mon man, it’s not a long ride.” Ryan laughed and pat Burnie’s back. “Y’okay, Burns?”
Ray looked at Ryan and then at Burnie. "Maybe I'll just stay here, Burnie doesn't seem to like me. It's probably better for him if I stay..." He said softly and sat on the dead grass and kept his head down.
Burnie looked at Ryan and then at Ray. "Well isn't this kid just so smart!? Maybe he should stay here." He half hissed at Ryan, how could Ryan not notice the resemblance? Why did he not consider this would upset him more?
“Burnie,” Ryan replied firmly. “I don’t know what feelings you’re having, but open your eyes. Ray hasn’t done anything to you, he’s Ray. No one else… I’m sorry, kid, why don’t you stay with the bikes? We won’t be long.” Ryan grabbed one of the bikes, waiting for Burnie to come on. He had a bone to pick when Ray was out of earshot, Burnie could see it.
Ray nodded and continued to look at the ground. "Okay. I'll stay here. Don't be too long." The only thing Ray heard was Ryan calling him kid. What did he mean by that? Ray felt so fucking stupid that he came in the first place. He should've just stayed in bed.
Burnie got on the bike with Ryan and huffed. "Whatever..."
