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@zombiegeoff
wish i had someone to rp with... :(
I Love You, Michael Jones - Chapter 3
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I Love You, Michael Jones - Chapter 2
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I Love You, Michael Jones
Title: I Love You, Michael Jones
Rating: NC-17
Overall content warnings: explicit scenes, illegal substances, rape, drugs, general law breaking badness.
Synopsis: Michael Jones had always been a simple boy. Simple dreams, having a house, a husband, maybe a dog. It looked like his life was heading that way until he fell in love with his dream man, and discovered life wasnât made of dreams but something more twisted. Something more.
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Born Sick - Chapter 10 (final)
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Born Sick - Chapter 9
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Born Sick - Chapter 8
Geoff needed some place he could feel safe, from his thoughts, from drugs, from Gavin. He hadn't felt this torn up since before the priesthood. But he now was starting to realize the priesthood was just a ruse. It made him feel safe because he thought it was supposed to, not because he was actually safe.
Geoff stayed in his office, turning the choir away from practice today because he needed some time for reflection. He needed to meditate and calm his panic about the situation, and he needed to not see Gavin.
Gavin could almost smell it. He made his way to the church bright in the morning and slunk in quietly. He was getting goosebumps, getting excited. He had Geoff where he wanted him.
Gavin hung around the threshold to the priest's office, peering in where Geoff was studying. âGood afternoon, Father. How're you on this fine afternoon?â He closed and locked the door. âI feel like I haven't seen you in days.â Gavin smirked at the look on the priestâs face. He was going to enjoy this so much.
âG-Gavin, get out,â Geoff demanded in the most controlling voice he could muster, which embarrassingly wasnât very much. He put his hand on the wired phone, shakily. âIâll call the police, say you arenât allowed to be here. Get out of Gavinâs head, demon. He doesnât want this. You do.â
Gavin smirked and slowly stepped closer to the priest. âOh the little boy does want it,â he purred and unplugged the phone with a snort. âYou want this to Geoffrey. Don't try and say you don't, âcause I feel it. You want this so bad. You've missed it.â Gavin smirked wide and pushed Geoff back away from the desk. He pulled a few zip ties from his back pocket quietly and grabbed Geoffâs wrist, binding it to the chair.. âYou're mine, I'm gonna make you come undone, and want all of this. And by the end of it, you'll be fucking me willingly.â
âG-Gavin!â Geoff tried to yank his wrist away from the armrest of the chair, just as Gavin grabbed another of tie and pinned his other wrist down. His grip was strong, stronger than it ever was when he was serving as altar boy before. Geoff eyes were wide, he felt like the air was crushed out of his chest. âLet go! Whatâre you doing? Cut these!â
Gavin smirked and licked his lips. âYou know what's gonna happen.â He moved to sit on the priestâs lap, moving his hips slightly. âI'm gonna fuck you, and you're gonna love it.â Gavin wrapped his arms around Geoff's neck and leaned in to kiss and bite at the hot skin there. âYou know you want it, you need it.â
âG-Get off of me. How do you know thatâs what Gavin wants? Youâre fucking c-committing rape. Against Gavin and me.â Geoff kept rambling, trying to lean his head away from Gavinâs bite. It was making him shudder. âI-I canât do this. Iâm a priest. This isnât right⊠H-He canât, you donât know me.â Geoff was pulling at the zip ties, bound to each arm rest, but Gavinâs weight was keeping him there.
Gavin ground his ass down against the man and tipped his head back against Geoff's shoulder. âYou wanted it yesterday, when I had your cock in my hand. You want this, I can already feel your thick cock wanting to come out to play,â he mumbled lowly. âYou want this, more than anything. You homo priest.â
Geoff almost winced at the word, like he'd been demoralized. âI-I don't,â he sputtered, feeling Gavinâs ass rubbing down against him. âEven if I did,â he half groaned. âWhy do you want it from me, demon? God will make you burn once you're out of that boyâs body.
Gavin ground down harder, loving the choked moans coming from the priest. âIf I burn, you will too, âcause you're gonna love it and think about me all the time. You're my just type, and your little altar boyâs type.â He smirked and moved so he could bite and kiss at the man's neck. âBet you want your dick sucked, haven't that happen in long time, eh?â
âD-Donât you fucking dare,â Geoff gritted out. âP-Please, Gavin, you have to still be in there.â He turned his head away from the boy defiantly, trying to ignore the pleasure swelled up in his black slacks. He knew Gavin could feel it. âI-Itâs a sin to be gay. Itâs abomination. G-God will strike us down. I donât care about myself, donât force Gavin into damnation.â
Gavin moved to settle himself on his knees on the floor. âOh, Gavin wants this as much as you do Geoff. He wants it so bad,â he whispered and undid the priests slacks. âGavin wants to taste you, feel you.â He pulled the man's already hard cock out of the slit in his briefs. He leaned in and just touched the tip of his tongue against the underside of the crown.
âG-Gavin, donât!â Geoff took in a sharp breath. âD-Donât do that.â His voice came out shaky, just the tip of Gavinâs tongue felt so hot and damn. He could feel Gavinâs breath on him and it made his dick pulse, giving a wanton twitch. âF-FuckâŠâ He tried to move his knees, cross them or something, but Gavinâs grip was so strong he could thoughtlessly pin his feet down.
Gavin smirked as he looked up at the priest. âYou want this, your dick is fucking twitching.â He wrapped his soft lips around the his cock and sucked gently on the tip, rubbing the tip of his tongue against his slit. Fuck, Gavin was loving this so much, he'd always wanted to suck a priestâs cock, and it made him get ever more excited.
Gavin himself had never tasted the flavor of precum before, or the bitter, fleshy taste of someoneâs cock. Even out of control, he found himself wanting to feel this. Geoff let out a deep moan that shook the walls of Gavinâs mind, made him feel intoxicated with attraction. The demon and Gavin wanted to hear more.
Geoff strained against the chair, his toes curled in his shoes and fingers clenched numbingly tight, as if it would distract him from the wet and hot sensation of Gavinâs mouth around the tip of his erection. âP-Please,â he gasped again, coming out higher pitched. âStopâŠâ The last time heâd received a blowjob was more than years ago, when he would spend the day getting high. Being sober and sexually repressed for almost 10 years made Gavinâs tongue irresistible, more precum dripped onto Gavinâs tongue. âI-I canât enjoy thisâŠâ
Gavin took more of the man in his mouth, bobbing his head as he took him deep into his throat. The demon was fucking loving this, the priest was moaning and straining against his restraints. It was so easy take what he wanted. Gavin rubbed his tongue against the underside of the man's cock on each up stroke, grazing his teeth gently against the soft flesh.
âF-Fuck!â Geoff gasped loudly and tipped his head back, trying to keep his hips still on his chair. âGavin! I-Iâm begging youâŠâ He couldnât look down at the boy with his cock so deep in his throat, he tipped his head back and let out a guttural groan when Gavin gagged slightly and his throat swallowed around Geoff. âOh godâŠâ He squeezed his eyes shut, embarrassed by how turned on he was getting and the noise heâd made.
Gavin kept going, his cock was hard in his jeans and he needed this is bad. More than anything. Gavin loved the taste of the manâs precum, he wished he could taste more but he had better plans.
Geoff gripped the chair tighter, no longer uttering words to stop but still taking the pleasure as intense pain. He couldnât let himself cum, not with Gavin so deep on him, but his lower stomach coiled like he couldnât stop himself.
Gavin moved his head up and down along the manâs cock, feeling Geoff give a thick throb, he slowed his pace and pulled off before the man could cum.
âU-Uh!â Geoff moaned sharply, fingers shaking from how tight heâd been holding his chair. âGavin? Gavin, fuck⊠whyâre you?â he panted and trailed off, the lack of heat around his length, slick with Gavinâs saliva, had his cock twitching every second for more of anything, more friction, more of Gavinâs mouth. He wanted it so badly and the urge bubbled up in him, not enough. âP-Please,â he whispered before he could curb his tongue.
Gavin smirked and kissed the tip of Geoffâs cock. âNow you want me to suck your dick? You were just begging me to stop. Father RamseyâŠâ He made a tsk noise with his tongue. âBeg me to suck you, finish you off,â he breathed as he kissed up the side of the manâs thick twitching cock, just ghosting his lips against the hot skin.
âF-Fuck!â Geoff cried out in frustration, yanking his arms against the ties that were leaving red marks in his skin. âNo!â he replied out of defiance, his gaze finally lowering to look at Gavin. His stomach knotted. âP-Please⊠Just let me off⊠and let me be. I-I, fuck.â Gavinâs lips were red from sucking and Geoff was so turned on, it was torture. He wouldâve cum anyway without friction if Gavin hadnât tightly wrapped his fingers around him when his balls drew up. âF-Fuck! Fucking devil!â
Gavin giggled and squeezed, keeping him from orgasm. âI didn't say it was okay,â he purred as he leaned up to kiss Geoffâs lips roughly, slowly sliding his tongue into the priestâs mouth. Geoff closed his eyes and took it. Fuck, Gavin was so hard, the priestâs defiance tasted like gold. He pulled away from the man when he was sated and sunk back down, taking his cock back in his mouth and moving deep, wanting to taste his cum for the first time.
Geoff couldnât hold back after so long, the pleasure came flooding in and the second Gavin loosened his grip, he was coming. Gavinâs hot mouth enveloped him and he tossed his head back, crying out a broken moan as he came with each spurt. âG-Gavin!â he rasped and shuddered in his chair, still dripping into Gavinâs mouth.
Gavin swallowed the cum and continued to suck. He pulled off with a rasp when his throat was sore and looked up at Geoff. âYou taste so good Father⊠Fuck,â he moaned and leaned in to kiss Geoff roughly, cum still sticky on his lips. Gavin slid his tongue into the man's mouth and pressed his tongue against Geoff's. He couldn't wait Geoff got hard again. When he did they'd be having fun.
Geoff withered under Gavin, tasting his own cum on Gavinâs tongue made him shake. He had lost all purity he had. Gavinâs lips were slightly swollen from Geoff and his pants were around his ankles. âP-Please⊠Leave Gavin alone. Y-You're not him. You're sickâŠâ he pleaded, Gavin still trying to kiss him. âI know I deserve to burn in hell but he doesn't, demon. H-He's a good boy.â
Gavin moved to straddle Geoff's legs. âHe's not. He's jerked off to the thought of you touching him before. He's as sick as you are.â Gavin smirked leaned in to kiss the man. âDo you think I'm gonna let you have all the pleasure? I don't think so,â he said against the manâs lips, biting there roughly. âI'm gonna fuck you.â
âY-You're lying!â Geoff spat back at him, feeling his sturdy chair ache in protest. âYou're just telling me lies! He wouldn't have.â Geoff tried to look away from the boy, for some reason Gavinâs eyes locked on his own made it harder to breathe or even think straight. âDon't. Donât make it worse, sodomizer.â
Gavin smirked widely and undid the man's button down shirt. âNo? You don't think so? I know he has this huge fucking crush on you.â He smiled brightly and rolled his hips against Geoffâs, touching all over the man's body. âI need you Father⊠More than anything. I'm so hard for you, seeâŠâ He undid his pants and pulled out his cock, gasping a little as the cold air touched him. âI need youâŠâ Gavin got up and pushed his jeans down, letting them pool at his ankles. He kicked his shoes off and stepped out of his pants, showing the fresh marks that were still on his thighs. He took his sweater off, tossing it on the ground and stood there in front of Geoff, naked just letting him look him over.
Geoff tried not to stare, he knew how inappropriate this was. He knew Gavin was a minor, a student, and a fucking boy in general, everything about this he knew was wrong but he was so attracted. Gavin's tan skin, his cock, arched hard, the hair on his chest and navel. âD-Don'tâŠâ His voice came out uneven. âFuck, don't fuck me. I don't want to be fucked.â Geoffâs shirt slid down his shoulders, caught on his elbows, yet he'd never felt so exposed even with his slacks still on his thighs.
Gavin licked his lips and walked over to the man, yanking his pants down. âYou say you don't want to fuck, but I can tell you want it,â Gavin said softly and gripped the manâs cock, slowing just playing with him. âI'm gonna ride your thick cock, make you cum in my ass⊠And you're gonna love it.â Gavin smirked and leaned in to kiss the man roughly, tongue sliding into his mouth.
âN-No!â Geoff groaned. âGavinâs never done that before! Heâs pure! H-Heâs⊠Itâs the greatest sin. Donât do it to him⊠Fuck me if you have to, donât make me fuck you.â He was trying to keep his breathing under control but with the way Gavin was straddling his thighs, ass naked, skin tingling and warm. All of this felt like a fever dream, like heâd wake up not having broken his vow of celibacy 10 times over, but it was real. âD-Donât mark him.â
Gavin laughed and moved to rub some lube over Geoff's cock. âYou know you wanna fuck him, and he wants you to. Whether you believe it to be the truth or not, I can only make him do what he really wants deep down,â the demon whispered and lowered himself onto Geoff's cock slowly, just letting the tip touch his puckered hole.
âI-I⊠please. Iâll admit to anything you want.â He gritted his teeth, cock giving a throb as he rubbed against the boy. âI-Iâll admit to the thoughts I had about Gavin. Donât sodomize him⊠I thought about him. I-I wanted to kiss him⊠I knew I wouldnât but I still wanted it,â he confessed, brows furrowed together in guilt and worry.
Gavin leaned in and kissed the man's neck, almost pitying the priest. âYou're so beautiful when you're worried. But Gavin wants this, I promise you he does⊠Itâs almost sad how much he did. I can't make him do anything he doesn't want.â He lowered onto Geoffâs lap, holding the Geoffâs cock in his grasp and slowly pushing the tip into him. âO-Oh fuck,â Gavin moaned loudly and tangled his fingers in Geoffâs hair.
Geoff could feel Gavinâs tight warmth around him, fuck, he was so tight. Geoff couldnât even recall a time heâd had sex while being sober, it felt like it was the first time heâd really had sex at all. âF-Fuck⊠Why would Gavin want me? He could easily find someone his own age, s-someone whoâs not a priest,â he pleaded, resting his tired forehead against the crook of Gavinâs neck and actually leaning against him. âOh my godâŠâ Pleasure unfurled in his abdomen, he couldnât help but shift his hips a little higher. Gavin had never been touched before, Geoff knew he had to stop or heâd hurt the boy.
Gavin moaned loudly and pushed down onto Geoff further, rocking his hips through the pain and gripping Geoffâs hair tighter until he was fully against the priestâs lap. âO-Oh fuck⊠You're so bigâŠâ he whimpered against Geoffâs jaw. âI want you to fuck me⊠Please? I want you to touch meâŠâ Gavin was waiting for himself to adjust but he wanted Geoff to jerk him off, touch him all over, but he was scared to undo the zip ties.
âU-UhhâŠâ Geoff shuddered as Gavinâs thighs rested against his hips. He was so hot inside, so tense. Geoff was suddenly hit with the reality of the fact that he was fucking Gavin. He was hard and trembling and deep inside the boy, he knew it mustâve hurt for the first time but he was also afraid of what he might do unbound. They had gone this far and he didnât want to stop. âD-Does it hurt?â he asked breathily. âJust⊠just take these off.â The plastic around his wrist was red and raw, the demon knew he could easily break them with his strength.
Gavin leaned in for a tender kiss. âYou're not gonna try and run are you?â he asked softly as he ground down onto Geoff, just shifting his hips. âO-Oh fuckâŠâ Gavin wrapped his palms around Geoffâs wrists, feeling the plastic ties and practically dissolving them. Geoff could feel the tingle on his skin. âIt hurts a little. Just lemme adjustâŠâ Gavin crumpled against the man, grinding his hips slowly.
Gavin thought for sure Geoff might just try and push him off his lap but he didnât. Geoff flexed his wrists, breathing unevenly like he didnât know what to do. âD-Donât go too fastâŠâ It was the strangest feeling, Geoffâs holy flesh felt like it vibed against the demon, like two opposite magnets finally attracting. The demon had never felt something so satisfying than to fuck a man of God.
Gavin rocked his hips slowly pressing his forehead against the manâs. âO-Oh God⊠Father RamseyâŠâ He moaned loudly and dug his nails into Geoff's shoulder blades. âFe-Feels so good⊠Touch me, please?â Gavin almost begged, needing to feel the manâs strong hands against his body. The demon was so high off the feeling, he couldnât stay in this body forever, but he definitely wanted to fuck the priest a couple more times before he departed found a better host.
âF-FuckâŠ! Gavin. W-Why did you want this?â Geoff groaned and finally placed his hands on Gavin, just touching his hips at first but even that felt like a victory. The priest hesitated, temptation consuming him until he moved his hand down Gavinâs warm thigh, wrapping around the length of his hard member. Geoff hadnât done this in such a long time but just touching Gavin, feeling him tense up from it, it made him moan shakily. âO-Oh godâŠâ he cursed. âYouâre so tightâŠâ
Gavin pressed his forehead against Geoff's and rocked his hips slowly. ââCa-Cause I need you⊠I want you. You're the first person besides my mom to show me kindness.â Gavin looked into Geoff's eyes. âI just⊠Really like you,â he mumbled and pressed his lips against Geoff's. The demon was laughing on the inside, so excited that he was dethroning Geoffâs holiness and Gavin could feel every ache of pleasure. He yearned it.
âAre you Gavin?â Geoff panted, fingers curiously sliding up the boyâs length and touching his slit. âOr are you the demon? I-I can't tell⊠Anymore, I can't tell.â He squeezed Gavinâs cock and ground up into him, guiding his hips back down for each movement. His body flushed with pleasure, Geoff hadn't ever felt it this much before.
Gavin gasped loudly and leaned into his touches. âIâm Gavin, I know everything about him, I can read his thoughts and he's loving this thick cock in his ass... He's wanted it for so long.â Gavin leaned in and bit Geoffâs bottom lip. âFuck me, on the fucking floor. Please Geoffrey, oh please FatherâŠâ Gavin moaned against the manâs lips.
Geoff knew it was sin, he was taking advantage of Gavin, in every meaning of the word. âW-WeâŠâ
âDonât even think of stopping n-now,â Gavin groaned against his jaw, overpowering him and leaning on the back of the chair with each rut.
Geoff crumbled and dug his nails into Gavinâs hip, still clutching the boyâs leaking cock. âS-Stop!â he warned, the chair rocking backward then tumbling straight back. One of the arm rests broke with the impact of their bodies but Gavin didnât let up. âY-You really want this? You want to see what I was like?â he snapped unintentionally, grabbing Gavin by his jaw and shoving him onto the floor. Gavin laughed giddily, cut off when Geoff reentered him and started fucking him against the embroidered rug.
Gavin reached up to dig his nails into Geoff's back. âA-Ah⊠Fuck. Ha-HarderâŠâ Gavin moaned loudly pulling Geoff down for a rough kiss. Gavin was enjoying this so much, he wanted to be fucking used, and fucked hard. âFather⊠God y-your cock feel so good, you're so thickâŠâ Gavin mumbled. âGod⊠You're so bigâŠâ Gavin felt like he was falling apart, every thrust caused the boy to to moan obscenely.
Geoff ran a hand through Gavinâs sweat dewed hair, pulling his head back hard and curling over when he knew he couldnât hold on. âF-Fuck, Iâm.â Gavinâs voice in his ear was too much, he couldnât watch the boy sprawl out under him and take his thrusts. âIâm gonnaâŠâ he rasped and pulled out abruptly, still clutching Gavin by the scalp as he came all over the rug and Gavinâs thighs with a broken groan. His bones were aching with pleasure, everything felt too sensitive, even Gavinâs fingernails on him.
Gavin licked his lips, rolling his hips as he suddenly felt too empty. âA-AhâŠâ He gripped his cock and started jerking himself off. He needed to cum, he was pissed the priest didn't care if he was getting off or not. âGe-Geoff⊠Kiss me please!â he pleaded, he just needed the man to love him the way he did. He wanted Geoff to touch him, make him feel wanted.
Geoff pressed their lips together, for a split second he didnât care. It felt so right behind the guilt. He just kissed Gavin and pushed the boyâs hand away, sitting up and pulling his body in to jerk him off in short, fast movements. âY-Youâre so beautiful,â he panted against Gavinâs mouth, looking down to watch the boyâs length slide against his grip.
Gavin arched his back tangled his fingers in the man's hair. âA-Ah! Geoff! I'm closeâŠâ Gavin moaned loudly and bucked his hips. Gavin had never been so turned on in his life. âO-Oh God!â Gavin cried out and bucked his hips body rutting as he came over Geoff's hand, panting the priestâs name over and over.
Geoff groaned and pulled Gavinâs body closer against his chest, watching the boyâs cum drip down his fingers. âGavin⊠oh fuck. Do you feel okay?â He pushed the damp hair out of Gavinâs face, he was so light, small bodied. Geoff wanted him but not if the boy didnât have control.
Gavin smiled sheepishly at the man, âIâm okay. Promise⊠That was so fucking amazing.â Gavin ran his fingers through the priestâs damp hair. âI wanna do that again.â He giggled and pulled the man down on top of his and nuzzled his neck, kissing the heated skin there. âAre you worried?â He asked softly.
Geoffâs hands turned shaky, he got off the floor and helped Gavin up, quickly tucking himself back into his slacks. âY-Yes, I could go to jail, to hell for this! I should go to jail.â He grabbed his shirt off the floor, nearby his broken wooden chair, and pulled it on. âTh-This is fucking crazy, you need to get out.â Geoff threw Gavinâs clothes into the boyâs arms, unable to look at his naked body longer.
Gavin caught the clothes and glared. âYou were loving it just a second agoâŠâ He spat and pulled his boxers on. âYou change you're mind about this all the time! You want it, then you don't. I'm sick of these annoying mind games. Go fuck yourself! Maybe I'll report you, tell them you raped me!â Gavin was furious, the demon and the real Gavin wanted Geoff more than anything to just hold him! Gavin pulled his jeans on and then his sweater. âFuck you, you selfish fucking prick!â Gavin screamed at the priest as he walked towards the locked door.
âI did rape you!â Geoff shot back at him. âYouâre 17, G-Gavin is 17. He doesnât have the ability to consent. You need to leave him alone! I helped you scar him, demon, you got what you wanted.â Gavin angrily unlocked the door. âYou canât hide in him forever!â
Gavin turned to look at the man, he clenched his fists. âYou think I'm the only one hiding you piece of shit?! You're hiding behind this priest facade, I know you, I fucking know what you want, what you desire. So shove your bullshit somewhere else about this whole hiding thing.â Gavin turned and before slamming the door added. âGet off your fucking high horse, you're no more without sin than any other man.â
âWe all have sin!â Geoff followed the boy out to the aisles, hands in fists. âMaybe Iâm hiding because I felt safe as a priest! You are sin. You are it. And you need to get out of Gavin! He doesnât deserve this, itâs his life!â
Gavin turned to look at the priest, hands clenched into fists as well. âWhat? The life this poor boy was living was a nightmare. He wanted to kill himself, end it all.â Gavin stalked towards the man. âDo you think that he just stopped hurting himself? You must've seen his scars on his body when we fucked. He hates himself. I'm trying to open him up.â
âTh-This isn't the answer,â Geoff replied shakily. âHe doesn't deserve to feel that way, but you can't just take his life over either⊠He could get real help, I could help him get it. You can go back to hell⊠If that's true, I won't abandon Gavin until he feels alright again but you have to leave!â Geoff stepped forward and took Gavinâs warm wrist, holding it firmly. âChrist compels you to hell. Give Gavin back to me.â
Gavin clutched the man's black shirt. âYou want Gavin back?! You better find a way to get rid of me. This kid has a cute body, and I can fuck you.â Gavin leaned in and planted and wet kiss on the man's lips. âChrist compels you to fuck me,â Gavin giggled and squeezed the man's cock through his black slacks. âI can't wait to taste your cock again.â
Geoff shoved Gavinâs hands away quickly and wiped his mouth from Gavinâs kiss. âMenace!â He released the boy and let him carelessly walk out of the chapel, waving Gavinâs hips as he left. Geoff collapsed in one of the aisles in exhaustion and stress, he had to find a way to fix this but he couldnât phase the demon whatsoever with his words.
Gavin walked home, slowly. He reflected on everything that had happened and man was he so happy he got the priest to fuck him. Gavin stopped when he saw Michael and his little group of shitheads walking towards him on the sidewalk. Gavin didn't care, he could take them all if he wanted to. Gavin started walking and Michael bumped into him. Gavin didn't look at him just stopped.
âWatch it, loser,â Michael scoffed at him, his buddies giving a few snickers. Michael couldnât just leave it alone when he was surrounded by his friends. Even after what Gavin had done for him, he wouldnât risk his reputation as the toughest kid in school. âSurprised the gay boyâs church let out so early today!â
Gavin turned and looked at the boy. âWhat did you say? I couldn't really hear, with that dick in your mouth.â Gavin smirked and shrugged. âAre you jealous that I get to be close to Father Ramsey and you don't?â Gavin hated this kid so much, he treated him wrong even after all he'd done for him. The demon could feel the anger and it almost made him smile through his glare. He was gonna learn a lesson he wouldn't forget.
âYou got a death wish?â Michael turned around, his friends edging him on. One of them, Gavin thought his name could've been Kyle, told him to wipe that smile off Gavinâs face. âDo you remember who basically put you in the hospital, pussy? I ain't a fag.â He pushed Gavinâs shoulders back, brows furrowing in anger.
Gavin pushed at Michaelâs chest and growled lowly. âYou are a fag. You want Father Ramsey's cock shoved up your ass, donât you? I see the way you drool over him at Church.â Gavin pushed him back, biting the inside of his cheek like he was trying to hold back but the demon edged him forward. âYou want his cock in your mouth, in your hands.â The demon could feel the anger welling up in Gavin, he'd never been so fucking pissed off at Michael.
âWatch your fucking mouth, faggot!â Michael spat, drawing his fist back to punch Gavin but Gavin effortlessly caught Michaelâs fist in his hand, unable to push past his strength. âWhat the fuck are you doing?â
Gavin twisted Michaelâs wrist, making him cry out unexpectedly in pain. âLet go, fag! Guys!â His friends pushed forward to try and disconnect the two boys.
Gavin pushed Michael at the boys who were grabbing him. âYou need a whole gang of guys to help beat me up again?â Gavin shook his head and punched one of the guys in face, and broke the nose of the next one. The demon moved over to Michael and shoved him up against the lamppost, pressing against him as he gripped his neck. âFuck you, I suggest you leave me the fuck alone!â Gavin leaned in and let his lips ghost over Michaelâs. âYou're fucking disgusting.â
âF-Fucking chill! Get off me!â Michael tried to push Gavin away but just got rammed against the lamppost again, splitting his nose and lip. âFuck!â Michael groaned and fell onto the sidewalk from the impact, but even though Gavin really wanted to stop, he kept kicking Michael.
âIt's not so great being on the receiving end, eh?â Gavin taunted and leaned down to grab a fistful of the boyâs hair. âI dare you to come at me again, fucking cock sucker,â he growled lowly into Michaelâs ear and then planted a rough, dominating kiss against his lips. Gavin shoved him back on the pavement and watched Michaelâs friends back away from him. He turned around and continued down the sidewalk. âSee you around, faggot!â
Born Sick - Chapter 7
Gavin woke up the next day around one in the afternoon, half panicked before he remembered Geoff had written him an excuse. He stretched and felt his back crack, taking a minute before getting up with a yawn. He stripped all his clothes off and walked into his bathroom to shower. He felt so gross, especially since he slept in his jeans and sweater.
Once Gavin was changed he made his way down the stairs, rings under his eyes. âGood afternoon, mom,â he said softly and poured himself a glass of juice.
âGood afternoon, sweetheart. Did you sleep alright? Iâm sorry I wasnât waiting up when you got home, it got too late. I saw the note Father Ramsey wrote for your teachers, though. What happened last night?â she prompted, talking, what felt like, so fast. It made his stomach nauseous.
Gavin sat at the kitchen table with his juice. âWe had to do an anointing of sick to someone who was dying,â he mumbled and rubbed his forehead. âI'm not feeling super great, probably âcause I stayed up so late.â Gavin sipped his juice. âIt's okay you didn't wait up, I was hoping you wouldn't âcause it was too late.â
âTell Father Ramsey I say thank you for driving you home yesterday though, heâs always so thoughtful. Iâm proud of you, honey.â She made him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, setting it in front of him. The pit in his stomach felt like a snake balled up and making a den there, getting comfortable, it writhed slightly and made Gavin feel sicker. âEat this and take your vitamins, youâll feel better. Youâve earned a day off.â
Gavin sighed softly and picked up the sandwich. He didnât have an appetite, his stomach was upset but he forced himself to eat the sandwich and take his vitamins. Gavin downed his juice and bit his bottom lip. âWhat're you doing today?â Gavin asked before scratching the back of his head and yawning. He was exhausted, and he wanted to just go upstairs and curl up in his bed.
âWell, your father and I are starting some marriage counselling tonight when he gets back from work⊠Help our communication skills. Neither of us believe in giving up on a marriage.â She sat at the kitchen table, noticing the tired look under Gavinâs eyes. Even though he slept for 10 hours, he looked like he hadnât slept a wink. âHoney, you look pretty run down. Youâre not getting sick are you?â
His motherâs voice sounded far away even though it wasnât, the snake in his stomach unravelled.
Sick of fucking life, arenât you? Sick of waiting around for a holy cock in your ass? The thoughts appeared in his head without warning, he didnât know where theyâd even come from but it was his own voice.
Gavin looked over at his mom and shook his head. âI don't think so⊠I could be. But I'm glad you and dad are getting counselling. Wish dad would talk to me,â he mumbled and bit his lip. âI think I might go lay down for a while. My stomachs not feeling too great.â As Gavin walked up the stairs he couldnât help but think about the weird thoughts that had crossed his mind while he was sitting there with his mom.
Gavin laid on his bed and stretched, he closed his eyes and groaned. Just kill yourself faggot. No one but your mother wants you around. You're useless.
His head stung with a migraine, it almost shook his skull. âShut upâŠâ he mumbled under his breath. It felt so natural to be thinking these things, he had thoughts similar to it before but never this loud or graphic, but it didnât feel out of place. He actually considered it, killing himself, just for a few seconds. He thought about hanging in the closet, but that thought didnât feel natural and he snapped out of it. âThe fuckâŠâ
He was tired and almost a little scared. He wanted to be by Geoff where his thoughts could at least be quiet.
Gavin sat up and looked around his room. He felt he needed to go now, talk to him about what happened and what this thing was that was in Michael. Gavin stood and made his way down the stairs. âMom, I'm gonna go see Father Ramsey,â he said as he put his shoes on. âI'll be back for dinner.â
Or will you. Fucking faggot. Why're you running to Geoff? You want him, don't you?
Gavin scratched his head roughly trying to shake out the thoughts.
âOkay honey, I'll see later. Say hello to Father Ramsey for me,â his mother replied as she walked over to the door.
Gavin took his bike and retreated towards the church, feeling like he might throw up or worse. He just needed somewhere to stop thinking, like in the shelter of a quiet chapel. It was exactly what he found on a Monday afternoon, only Geoffâs car was parked outside.
Maybe if youâre good, heâll suck your cock. Or let you suck his, he told himself. Why was he even considering those things? It made him feel unholy.
âFather Ramsey?â he called out upon entering the church, out of breath from pedalling so fast.
The priest was in his black suit and white square tie, he came from his back office, looking surprised to see Gavin there. âGavin, hello. Is something wrong?â
Gavin shrugged and raked his fingers through his hair. âI don't know. I just needed somewhere quietâŠâ he mumbled and bit his bottom lip. âToo many questions from my mom, and I've been having weird thoughts lately. But that's okay, they'll pass⊠Did you sleep at all?â he asked sheepishly and dug his hands into his pockets.
âNot very much⊠Seemed kind of impossible to after that.â Geoff crossed the aisle, getting a closer look at Gavin. He was sweating and still panting for breath. âGavin, you donât look so good. Come here.â
You can see his cock in his slacks. Look at the outline of that thing. Gavinâs gaze flickered downward for a split second, as if to check his own thoughts, but he quickly corrected himself.
Geoff got closer and put his hand on his sweaty forehead âGavin, youâre burning up. Did you run all the way here or something? Itâs not that hot in hereâŠâ
Gavin squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them. âNo I just peddled really quick over here.â Gavin laughed and coughed slightly. âI'm okay. I'm sure I'm fine,â he mumbled and looked up at the man. He couldn't stops thinking about that thought that crossed his mind, why was he thinking these things? It didn't make any sense he never saw Geoff as anything more than just a priest ever, maybe he just wanted someone like Geoff to love him and care for him.
âYou're really clammy, Gavin, come lie down on the sofa. I'll get you some water.â He took Gavinâs arm and lead him towards his office, sitting him down on the couch in front of his desk. âJust catch your breath.â He pushed the hair out of Gavinâs face and pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket, wiping away the sweat before he went to get a bottle of water.
Gavin leaned back against the couch, he didn't understand what was going on. Why did he feel so shitty? What was happening? Gavin took the bottle of water from Geoff when he came back. âThanks, I don't understand what's going on. Maybe I'm just getting sick.â Gavin took a drink from the bottle and almost finished it.
Youâre already sick. You get hot just from looking at that priest.
âDo you need to go to the hospital? It has to be some kind a fever.â Geoff knelt by the couch to get a better look at Gavin, pressing a cold towel from the washroom to his forehead. âDoes anything else hurt? Sore throat, stomach ache?â For some reason when the priest inquired about his health it made him melt and get nervous, it felt good to have Geoff looking after him this closely.
Gavin leaned into the touch and sighed. âNo, just have a stomachache and a headache. It's okay. I'm sure I'm fine not enough sleep,â he mumbled and ran his fingers through his hair. Why was he suddenly thinking these thoughts? What the fuck was wrong with him?
Geoff pulled a quilt off the back of the couch and laid it over Gavinâs frail frame. âMaybe you should take a nap⊠where someone can look out for you. Does that sound alright?â He checked Gavinâs temperature with the back of his hand again before reapplying the towel. âIâll wake you and bring you to the hospital if your temperature doesnât go down.â
Gavin wasnât sure why but he was afraid to fall asleep again, he kept thinking about Michael in the room.
Gavin nodded and laid out on the couch. âOkay, thank you. I don't really know if I'm up to taking nap. But I'll try,â Gavin sighed and looked at Geoff. âI'm sorry for being a burden.â He bit his inner bottom lip and curled up on the couch.
Look he's looking out for you, maybe you'll get a big wet kiss, then a big thick cock in your ass.
Geoff walked behind his desk and sat down, still keeping close watch on Gavin. âYou're not a burden, Gavin. I consider you a faithful boy and, well, a friend. Try to recuperate.â
Gavin tried, he closed his eyes and easily found himself grow weary. He was asleep within a minute, falling deeper and deeper into rest. A sleep like death.
âI can set you free.â It was his own voice, and when he opened his eyes he was alone again in a stripped down, empty church. There was only the couch in Geoffâs office now but the room still smelled like old wood. It was so real.
He sat up, trying to focus his vision to where he'd heard himself. A naked mirror image of himself was standing there in front of him.
Gavin looked at the thing that was standing there, what the fuck was going on? âWho're you?â Gavin mumbled and looked around the room, âam I dreaming? Where's Father Ramsey?â Gavin stood and looked at the naked figure in front of him. âWhat is going on here? Who are you? I demand to know!â
âI'm you.â The figure stepped over to him, smiling almost out of amusement. âDon't you get it? I'm the you you've been fighting for so long⊠But guess what, you don't have to fight yourself any more.â He wrapped his arms around Gavinâs shoulders, embracing him close and pushing his face to Gavinâs neck. âIt's such good news⊠You just have to let go, and let me in.â The figure, it couldn't be him, Gavin was nothing like this, he sunk his searing hot hand into Gavinâs chest, straight through his clothes, and squeezed his fingers around Gavinâs thumping heart.
Gavin cringed and cried out in pain. Gavin's head was spinning, he didn't understand what was going on. What was this thing that was touching him? âStop it! Please? What the fuck do you mean? I'm not fighting anything!â Gavin pushed against the figures chest. âDon't touch me!â Gavin screamed as he squeezed his eyes shut. Where was Geoff?
âYou've been fighting me for so long,â the other Gavin raised his voice and gripped tighter, knocking the breath out of his chest like a sucker punch. He was smiling at Gavinâs anguish, the only thing keeping him on his feet was the firm grip. âBut here's the best news, you don't even have a choice. You can't hold on any longer.â
When Gavin cried out, the mirror image leaned in and captured his open mouth in a soul sucking kiss. His tongue slid all the way down his throat like a snake and he was right, Gavin couldn't keep a grip on his body. It was ripped from him, and suddenly he was sitting in a fully empty, locked, dark chapel. Alone.
In his mindâs eye, he could see himself waking up from his nap in Geoffâs office. Seeing it, feeling the air in his lungs, but he had no jurisdiction. No control.
Gavin tried to scream at the top of his lungs but he couldnât. What was going on? He was so fucked.
Geoff was sitting behind his desk scribbling on his paper in front of him. He was watching the boy as he slept, and he couldn't help it, he was worried about the boy.
âHow long have I been asleep?â Gavin asked softly and he rubbed his eyes, âfeels like it's been forever.â He yawned and stretched out on the couch, shirt rising up his stomach. âI'm feeling kinda hungry now, I didn't eat breakfast.â
Geoff looked up from his desk, taking off the reading glasses. The tan flash of skin caught his eyes but he quickly looked up at Gavin in concern. âAre you feeling alright? Youâve been asleep for⊠um, about five hours. Itâs past lunchtime, Iâm sure you are hungry. I am too. Do you want to go into town for lunch or go home?â
Gavin looked over at Geoff and smiled. âIâd love to go out to town and have lunch.â He sat up and stretched again. âWhat do you wanna get to eat? We should get subs, Iâm feeling a sandwich.â Gavin stood and leaned on Geoffâs table. âFive hours is a long time. Whatâve you been doing while I was out?â
Geoff couldnât help be but put off. Gavin was lying on the couch burning with sickness a few hours ago, now there wasnât a bead of sweat on his temple. âAre you sure youâre feeling better? I almost drove you to the hospital this morning⊠You donât seem sick now.â He got out of his chair and felt Gavinâs forehead, average, healthily warm skin was under his fingers. âMaybe we should still get you checked out. Iâve just been going through some letters from the ministry.â
Gavin shook his head. âNo! I'm okay. Let's just get some food. Like I said I was probably just tired and didn't get enough sleep. I promise I'm feeling better.â Gavin took Geoff's hand and pulled gently. He smiled softly, he couldn't believe how easy this was gonna be. It was gonna be amazing to get this to happen. He was going to get everything he's been wanting for a long time.
âAh, okayâŠâ Geoff was hesitant to hold Gavinâs hand for too long but he let Gavin drag him out of the building. It felt like he hadn't personally connected to another person at all since he'd become a priest. And he couldn't help but admit it felt kind of nice.
The two of them got into his car and Geoff drive towards the downtown area. He paused and loosened the white collar of his uniform, not sure if he should be making a habit out of hanging with Gavin outside of church even if he did enjoy it. Maybe it was worse that he enjoyed it.
âUm, where do you want to eat, Gavin? There's a firehouse grill and sub place by the theater that's good.â
Gavin looked at Geoff and nodded. âYes Father, that sounds perfect.â Gavin leaned and touched the priests thigh. âShould we really be hanging out this much? What if someone asks about us?â Gavin squeezed the manâs thigh and moved his hand up a little higher. âI'm glad I met you though Father Ramsey, I'd probably be fucked up and in the hospital. Also, mom and dad are getting counselling.â
âDon't.â Geoff caught his hand in alarm, looking like he didn't quite know what to do. âI'm not used to it. You shouldn't be touching me though⊠It's not appropriate. It's not as if us going out to eat on a Sunday is inappropriate though. If it makes you uncomfortable, we don't have to.â Geoff himself was feeling more uncomfortable the more he talked, Gavin kept peering at him, he could feel it. âUm, why don't I just drop you off at your home? I'm aware your parents are, I'll be the priest to advise them.â
Gavin sat back in his seat and crossed his arms. âWhatever. I mean if you'd rather not go out to have food with me. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I didn't think that's what you were thinking.â He sighed, âI mean I don't have any friends that wanna really hang out. So just take me home if you want. I won't hold it against youâŠâ Gavin looked out the window and ran his fingers through his hair.
Geoff clenched his jaw, internally reprimanding himself. He couldn't take out his own insecurities on the boy, it would just make things look worse on him. âI'm sorry, Gavin⊠I misunderstood. I know you don't mean it like that, and I really like hanging out with you. You know I don't have a whole lot of friends myself anymore either, after joining the ministry.â They neared the downtown restaurant area, ironically passing by another distinguished chapel on their way. Gavin glared at its front doors when they zoomed by. âWhat, don't like Episcopalians?â Geoff teased.
Gavin looked over at Geoff and chuckled. âNo, they're too fancy. Fancy Catholics.â Gavin stretched and yawned as they pulled up to the restaurant. âI can't wait to eat, I'm starving.â He jumped out of the car once Geoff had parked and ran towards the doors with Geoff in tow. âCâmon!â
They sat in a small booth closer to the back and out of sight from most of the other customers. Gavin sat down and opened the menu that was on the table.
A young waitress came over to take their drink orders, Geoff ordered a coffee but Gavin ordered a milkshake he demanded they'd split. âThis place has huge cups, I won't be able to drink it by myself!â
âAhm, sure. Could I have the Rotisserie sub and two glasses of water too? Thank you.â He handed back the menu.
âAnd I'll have the meatball sub, toasted, with extra cheese,â Gavin smiled as he handed back the menu. He couldn't wait to eat the sub, or drink the milkshake. Gavin lifted his foot up and set it on the bench between Geoff's legs, and looked around the restaurant nonchalantly. He turned back to look at Geoff who looked white as a ghost. âWhat's up?â
Geoff straightened out his back and sat stiff as a board, not waving to move and accidentally brush against Gavinâs foot. âNothing. I'm just really hungry.â
The waitress came back with their drinks and Geoff took a long drink of water, trying not to let his intrusive thoughts seem apparent. There was nothing sexual about this and he couldn't make it seem like that's what he was thinking.
âI'll be counseling your parents starting this week⊠Michael should be getting back to school today too.â
Gavin shook his head. âI don't want Michael back at school. He's gonna start back up bullying meâŠâ He huffed and crossed his arms causing his foot to brush against the front of the man's pants. Gavin played it off like he didn't notice.
Gavin took a sip of his milkshake, making his foot rub against Geoff slightly, making it seem like he didn't mean to, or he didn't notice what he was doing. âSo do you think mom and dad will be able to get over what happened?â
Geoff curled his hands into tight fists under the table, hesitating before he pushed Gavinâs foot away. âUm, donât. PleaseâŠâ He moved over so Gavin could put his foot there instead. âThank you. I think thereâs plenty of hope for your parents, granted that theyâre seeking help. That means they care enough about each other to, which makes me think theyâll be fine⊠Will you be able to get over what happened though?â
Gavin kept moving his foot and sighed. âNo probably not. I mean my dad still hasn't talked me he since he beat the piss outta me.â Gavin bit his bottom lip and sat up a little making his foot fall down. âHe's never even apologized. I mean maybe he thinks Iâm a faggot and doesn't want to talk to me. Whatever. Maybe he's right, maybe I'm just a faggot.â Gavin took a sip of his milkshake and kept his eyes averted from Geoff.
âG-Gavin, youâre, you need to move your foot.â The brush against the front of his pants felt like a stroke to Geoff, he had managed to avoid touching himself for eight months and even the slightest touch made him twitch. Priests werenât allowed to jerk off at all, yet sometimes it got to the point where Geoff was forced to relieve himself. It was the most bothersome itch that he could never scratch. He had to redirect his thoughts but it was too late, he was becoming engorged with blood as if he was some teenager. And Geoff wanted it so fucking badly. âYou need to act appropriately if we spend time outside the church together.â
Gavin looked at Geoff and pulled his foot away and set it on the floor in front of him. âYou still thinking I'm teasing you? Really?! I'm not a faggot, I can't believe you would think that!â He crossed his arms and huffed, âWow⊠I'm acting appropriately, you're not. Maybe we shouldn't hang out outside of church then if it's too hard for you to keep your pervy hands off of me.â
Geoff inhaled sharply and felt his gut curl with guilt. Gavin was right, he was a good kid. An altar boy, he always wanted what was best for his family even at his own expense. Geoff felt like he had to be the one making this uncomfortable.
âI-Iâm, Iâm sorry. Youâre right. Iâm not comfortable with this,â he stated. âNot your fault. I, this wasnât a good idea.â Geoff wanted to leave but he didnât want Gavin to see him. He pulled his black jacket down and buttoned it up, trying to conceal the front of his pants somewhat. âIâve got to go. Help yourself to the food.â
He stood up and quickly exited the diner, leaving forty crumpled bucks on the table. He felt so perturbed, shaken, Geoff had managed to keep his thoughts under wraps until now. Gavin wouldnât even have a ride home if he left but Geoff couldnât stay in there.
Gavin sighed and stayed in the booth. âHey, can I get the subs to go? Something came up,â Gavin asked the waitress. He couldn't believe this, he needed to go and apologize to Geoff, he didnât feel bad but he shouldâve lashed out. By the time he came outside with the food, Geoffâs car was long gone.
So he walked all the way from the restaurant back to the church so he could give Geoff his sub. Though he paused outside of the priestâs closed office, what if Geoff didn't want to see him? What if he was still pissed off?
Geoff was surprised to hear a knock on his office door, the door was locked when Gavin tried to open it and Geoff panicked. He had his cock hard in his fist underneath the desk, even the knock on the door couldnât stop him from stroking. He needed to indulge just once more.
âD-Donât come in!â he shouted out. âGo away, Iâm on an important, phone call.â His precum slid under his and he jerked off faster, moaning silently.
âI-I just wanted to apologize, I didn't mean to get so nasty with you at the diner. I was just bringing you the sub you paid for. I can leave it on the door handle if you want,â Gavin mumbled as he pressed his forehead against the door. âAnd I'll leave you alone forever now. I'll only see you at mass.â
Geoff gripped the edge of his desk, trying to even out his voice. âUh, leave it out there. It's not your fault. I-I like having you around I just had an off day.â He didn't know why he liked listening to Gavinâs voice so much but he couldn't keep doing this. He didn't want to think about how Gavinâs voice turned him on to hear when he was like this.
âBut you made it out to be my fault⊠I mean if it's too much to hang out with me I can leave you alone. It's fineâŠâ Gavin mumbled softly and ran his fingers through his hair. âI guess I'll leave you to your important call,â Gavin set the sub on the door handle and looked at the other bag. He was starving and he didn't know if he could wait till he got home to eat it.
Geoff crumpled over his desk, feeling his orgasm coming on and biting off a quiet moan. He couldnât stop stroking his fist, it felt like trying to hold off an avalanche. He couldnât even open his mouth to respond to Gavin, he knew his voice would come out too broken. It hit him so suddenly and he was coming underneath his desk, spurts of white stuck and dripped off the wood. âO-Oh fuck,â he panted and pressed his face against the desk calendar, knocking over a bin of pencils by accident.
Gavin moved away from the door and ran his fingers through his hair. He sat on the floor, thinking Geoff wanted nothing do with him. He didn't answer him at all and he felt really shitty. He considered Geoff one of his closest friends, Gavin didn't want to be here anymore but he felt frozen in place, like his limbs didn't want to work, and his head hurt. Everything was too much for him. Geoff didn't want to hang out, his father wouldn't speak to him, and on Monday Michael would be back in school demon-free.
Meanwhile Geoff was abhorred, mortified. He stumbled out of the chair, almost tripping as he shoved his cock back in his pants and zipped them. âS-Sorry, Gavin. I really had to take that call.â He shook his head and grabbed a handful of tissues, cleaning off his knuckles and trying to wipe his cum off from the bottom of the desk.
He threw the crumpled tissues into the wastebin and internally berated himself. He hadnât just masturbated for the first time in almost a year but he did it in the fucking chapel.
He fixed his hair and unlocked the office door. âYou donât have to eat on the floor, sorry. I shouldnât have bailed back there. Just thought, maybe I was making you uncomfortable.â
Gavin looked up at Geoff, âI wasn't the one that the took off like a bat outta hell for no reason. If I make you uncomfortable then I don't have to be around.â He held out the bag with Geoff's sub in it. âHere. You paid for it you may as well eat it.â Gavin stood up at looked Geoff up and down. âYâknow, I think I'll just go home. I don't wanna make you uncomfortableâŠâ He huffed and crossed his arms.
Geoff shook his head again, stepping out of his office. âNo, you don't⊠We just need to keep an ample amount of space between us. We can still eat together. I'm sorry, letâs go eat in the backroom. I won't strand you again,â he laughed airily. âI guess I panicked.â
He took the bag from Gavin and lead him into the altar boy backrooms, where there was a small sofa, a few chairs, and a coffee table to eat on.
âHow about we forget today happened?â The priest offered, really wanting to forget what happened himself. He was still buzzing from his orgasm, it felt like he could finally breathe again. He was so relaxed, sated, and guilty.
Gavin nodded and sat on the floor. âWe can forget it. And I'll make sure keep lots of space between us.â Was Geoff gay? Or was he just hard up for any contact that it didn't matter who it came from? Gavin had so many questions, but he figured he'd just keep them to himself. He wouldn't gain anything from asking. Gavin laid the sub on the table and unrolled it, picking up half and taking a big bite and Geoff did the same.
Geoff was starting to calm down, feel kind of sleepy. That had all but knocked the wind out of him. The two of them ate in a not so uncomfortable silence. âAre you ready to resume school tomorrow?â he asked after a moment. âIâm sure it wonât be easy to see Michael again.â
Gavin shook his head and swallowed the food in his mouth. âNo I'm not ready for school or to see Michael again. I know he doesnât like me and I know he'll be back to teasing me,â Gavin huffed and ran his fingers through his hair. He didn't really wanna think about seeing Michael again at school, the two weeks he was gone was the most amazing two weeks he'd had at school.
âHe ought to kiss your feet and thank you,â Geoff retorted. âYou saved his life from whatever foul thing was in him.â He briefly remembered the images of Michaelâs warped, pale body. Gavin felt a flare of fire in him. âHe sustained a few hairline fractures but I heard heâll be back in as soon as possible to make up work.â He was trying to make small talk as they ate but Gavin still looked almost irked.
Gavin clenched his teeth. âYeah he ought to. But he won't.â He kept eating not really wanting to say anything else. Gavin was annoyed but he couldn't let Geoff know. âI'm not excited for him to be back at school. He's an assholeâŠâ he mumbled.
âHow have you been feeling since that night? I know you were kind of alarmed still when I dropped you off at home,â the priest said. He had finished most of his sub, also not extremely hungry but trying to be polite. He threw the rest of his away and got a soda from the fridge, tossing one to Gavin too. âDo you remember?â
Gavin looked up at the priest and shook his head. âNo, I donât really rememberâŠâ he mumbled as he tried to rack his brain over what he could be talking about. âOh! It was the dream I had when I was knocked out. Yeah I guess Iâm okayâŠâ Gavin said softly before he sighed wrapped up the end of the sub that had nothing in it. He flicked the top of the pop can to make sure it wouldnât fizz up and cover him in sticky liquid. Gavin opened the can and took a sip, âIâm just tired⊠But how do you feel after doing your first exorcism?â
Geoff shrugged cluelessly. âHow am I supposed to feel? I sure hope it doesn't become a habit⊠That was gruesome.â He loosened his collar again. âI'm just glad no one else got hurt.â He did have an unsettled feeling in his gut, maybe it was the food, maybe the sin he'd just committed, or the fact he's committed it to the sound of his altar boyâs voice. He was uneasy. âWe should probably get the chapel prepared for Mass.â
Gavin sighed and nodded. âI guess so. Hopefully it won't happen again. Why would Michael have become possessed? Is there a reason? Or do we know why?â He asked as he looked at the man's hands, noticing that his tattoos were visible. He wished he could see more of the ink that covered the man's skin, something about it made him want to touch it and trace the black lines.
âSome priests think there are demons in all of us⊠I may think that too, Iâm not sure. But some demons just get touched by Lucifer, take you over. Some souls arenât strong enough to keep their inner demons at bay.â He looked down at his lap, noticing the makeup had rubbed off his tattoos. Geoff couldnât keep everything from his past covered up like ink. âUm, I should wash my hands and redo these⊠You can start lighting the candles.â
He got up and walked back towards his office, where there was a small adjoining bathroom. He had to clean off the fucking bottom of his desk too. He couldnât let his demons win.
Gavin got up and walked around the chapel, lighting all candles as Geoff directed. Gavin wanted so badly to join Geoff in his office, push off his priest garments and take in the sight of Geoff's body, covered in the dark black lines and bright shading of the tattoos. He bet Geoffâs hair got messy when he pulled his shirt off over his head. Gavin touched the front of his jeans and gave his cock a squeeze, making him groan a little, he couldn't do this now. Gavin stuffed his hands in his pockets and walked back towards the back room, touching his cock gently.
The church put constraints on his energy, Gavin was still trapped looking through his own eyes but within the chapel everything felt more sensitive. Gavinâs skin tingled, the air always felt brisk on him, he could breathe deeply but somehow felt more pent up. The aura of the chapel always tried to constrain his wanton thoughts but that only provoked Gavin to feel badder.
Geoff washed his face and covered his knuckles in a new layer of concealer, feeling worn down after this day. He was too nervous to go find Gavin in the chapel, a large part of him didnât trust his own demons.
Gavin pulled his hands out of pockets and bit his bottom lip. He sat in the back room and tried to settle down. He felt like he wasn't in control here, he needed to get some control back. He didn't like seeing everything from inside this dark chapel, he couldn't even scream.
Gavin roamed into Geoffâs quiet office and looked at the man. âAll the candles are lit. Do you need anything else?â He walked up to Geoff, getting in his personal space.
Geoff leaned away slightly, maybe even unconsciously. âN-No, thatâs plenty. Thank you for the help.â He sat at his desk and shuffled through the letters under his lamp, making sure he hadnât missed any. The Church sure hated e-mails. âHave you been feeling alright since earlier? I almost drove you to the hospital for how sick you looked.â
âYeah I'm okay⊠Just have a headache,â Gavin mumbled and laid back down on the couch. âI'm feeling⊠I don't know pent up, I guessâŠâ He mumbled and placed his hand on the front of his jeans, squeezing tightly. âI'm tired still. I feel weird like things just aren't working for me.â
âWhat kind of things?â Geoff glanced up from his desk, noticing the thicker bulge in Gavinâs pants. His stomach curled into knots. âUm, Gavin. I don't thinkâŠâ He didn't know what to say, his mouth went dry with nerves.
Gavin looked over at Geoff. âLife, school, personal things, a bunch of shit doesn't feel like it's going right for me.â Gavin rubbed his palm against the bulge that was growing slowing in his jeans. âHm⊠I'm tired.â Gavin looked Geoff up and down and he looked like he had seen a ghost. He was pale and he was staring at Gavin's crotch, he could see it plainly and something about that satisfied Gavin.
Geoff took out his bible like some nervous schoolboy and flipped to some of the passages heâd had saved. He had to ignore it.
âW-What I find helpful when Iâm in disarray is turning to God, Gavin. Sometimes you need to give everything you have to Him, bathe in the purity of his light. Delving from temptation is easily one of Godâs most sacred values. So when you find yourself feeling lost, you will stray from sin until you find God again.â Geoff was rambling, he could hear himself rambling, but he couldnât stare at Gavin any longer. It had to be an accident, Gavin was a teenager, he was sure it happened all the time.
Gavin hummed softly and sighed. âYeah? What if it doesn't help? What if⊠I can't help myself? What if everything justâŠâ He trailed off and sucked in a deep breath, still palming over himself. âWhat if it's something God doesn't approve of? What if it's frowned upon in the bible?â Gavin hissed and tipped his head back. âOh⊠GeoffâŠâ He half moaned.
âW-Whatâre you doing?â The priest demanded, almost crumpling one of the leaf thin bible pages. His voice almost got stuck in his throat. âYou canât do this here. This is a house of⊠God.â Geoff had almost forgotten His name. âYou need to find the Lord and curb this. PleaseâŠâ Geoff couldnât stop staring at Gavinâs hand, curled around the outline of his cock through his tan slacks. He was suddenly vehemently aware that Gavin had a cock, and wanted to do this in front of Geoff. The way Gavin said his name saturated his brain. âYou canât do this here.â
Gavin looked over at the priest. âOh no? Why not Fa-Father? Haven't you ever done it before?â Gavin asked and wiggled his hips slightly. âOh sh-shitâŠâ He hissed and bit his bottom lip. âYou gonna try and stop me? Câmon Father, I know you want toâŠâ
Gavin couldn't believe what was happening, what the thing in his body was making him do, he was terrified of what the priest would think of him.
âWhat're you saying?â Geoffâs voice came out embarrassingly hoarse. He cleared his throat and realized he couldn't stand again, he was already stiff in his black priest pants. What was getting into him? He hadn't even felt it until he was horny. âN-No, Iâd never do such a thing! Get out of my office if that's what you think, that's disgusting. Inappropriate.â He closed the bible harshly. âYou don't have to attend mass tonight, I think you should go.â
Gavin sat up and looked at the priest. âCâmere and make me. Unless you're just as hard as I am,â Gavin laughed and squeezed his cock again. âI can help you with that, if you'd like?â Gavin smirked as he stood up, walking over to the desk and standing in front of the priest. âI want you Geoffrey. So bad⊠now.â He rubbed his thick cock against the side of the desk âI think you should touch me, and I'll return the favor.â
The priestâs eyes widened in shock, hesitation, he knew. âY-You're not Gavin. You can't be. Gavin would never act like this,â he whispered. âGet out! Y-You have to get out!â
People were starting to fill into the chapel for the service, Geoff was so fucked. He couldn't just bail or worse be caught yelling at his altar boy in this kind of a situation.
âLeave. Now,â he said through clenched jaw.
âWhy won't you stand up and make me? Cause you're hard under the desk aren't you? Being celibate for 16 years takes a lot out of you, eh?â Gavin said softly and leaned in close to Geoff's face. âDon't punish the boy, he's done nothing wrong. You're the one whoâs done wrong Geoffrey, you know your past, you shouldn't be sitting there. Especially cause of what's going on under the desk,â Gavin smiled widely gesturing to the desk, as he turned to walk away. âI'll see you tomorrow Father.â
Geoff could barely breathe, he still felt Gavinâs breath on his cheek and he couldn't gasp until Gavin had coyly sauntered out of his office. âOh my god.â He clenched his fists and firmly squeezed his erection, trying to calm down. He didn't have the time.
It felt like everything was crashing down around him. Where had Gavin gone? Geoff had never gotten rid of the demon, worse he knew now that there actually were demons to fear. And they knew about his past indulgences.
He went to the bathroom, forcing himself together before the mass could start and then hurriedly going through the ceremony. He just had to get home before anything else could go wrong. The darkness in Gavinâs eyes wouldnât leave him.
At home Gavin laid in his bed, staring at the ceiling, smiling. This was phenomenal, he was proud of himself, free, enjoying life again. He caused the priest to crack, it wouldn't take long until he was making Geoff touch himself to the thought of him, and the priest would want him. He was gonna cause the man to crack entirely, and make him fuck this vessel he was in.
The thought of taking Geoffâs virtue enthralled him, even gave him pleasure to think about. He could thrive off that misfortune and turn another man of God into a sinful wreck.
He could feel Gavinâs feeble nails scratching on the stained glass windows of his own mind and it caused him to laugh. He could feel everything the boy felt, the pain, the fear, the embarrassment, but what he felt more than anything was the want. âYou want that priestâs cock anyway, donât you? You jerk off to the thought of him deep in your ass. Iâll make all your dreams come true⊠Youâve got a nice little body to work with, anyway.â
He stretched out on the bed, sated and content, enjoying every minute of his new found freedom. He would have fun.
~ ~ ~
Gavin stopped by the chapel every day the next 3 days after school, knowing the priest was scared. Geoff had called off masses until the next weekend, the choir director said it was because he was sick and then Gavin knew he had really shaken the priestâs cage.
âOh no!â Gavin frowned in concern, standing by the choirâs stairs. âI hadnât heard he was⊠It must be pretty bad for him to cancel the whole week. Do you know if heâs at the hospital?â
She shook her head in exasperation. âI donât know honestly, he called from his house number. But he picked an awful time to get sick, right before Easter! If you see him before me, could you hand him some papers for me? I think the bishop was trying to get in contact with him.â She dug around her purse for the folded up pages.
Gavin looked at the woman and nodded. âOf course!â he said as he took the papers and stuck them in his backpack. âThank you!â Gavin smiled and turned to leave. He knew where his next stop was.
Gavin rode his bike casually into Geoffâs neighborhood, remembering the address. He'd keep himself under control, he had to make Geoff trust him but he always wanted to get the priest off. He wanted to break him, make him want this kid more than anything. The thought of breaking the priest made him horny and he laughed softly.
He could feel Gavin freaking out and could hear him screaming at him. He didn't care. This was what the boy wanted.
âFather Ramsey?â Gavin knocked on the front door, chewing on his lip nervously. âAre you there?â
The house was quiet for a few moments but he heard the scuttling around behind the door, eye pressed to the monocle of the purple door.
âFather Ramsey? The choirâs been worried about you.â
âGo home, Gavin,â Geoff responded to him immediately, voice muffled. âYouâre sick⊠You need to go to the church and pray this thing away. You need to leave me alone.â He didnât sound so confident.
Gavin furrowed his eyebrows together in confusion. âWhat are you talking about Geoff? I'm here to give you the papers the choir had for you.â He fished the papers out of his backpack and held them up. âSee! Please just open the door. I don't know what I did wrongâŠâ Gavin mumbled and ran his fingers through his hair. âI'm sorry if I did something wrong, but I don't know what you're talking about. Me being sickâŠâ
Geoff hesitated, not yet unlocking the door as he looked at the papers through the peephole. âI⊠I donât think itâs a good idea for you to be showing up at my house anyway.â He had to try and remain firm, but he didnât want to ruin Gavinâs self esteem by calling his emotions sick. Why did he have this crazy idea that Gavin was anything but a normal teenager? He wasnât even sure if he believed in the physical reality of demons in the first place, there had to be some rationalization. âYouâre not sick, Gavin⊠I didnât mean that. Just, leave the papers out there.â
Gavin sighed and set the papers down. âFine whatever.â He turned and walked over to his bike. âYâknow if you don't like me or want me as your altar boy, I can stop. I could have better things to do.â He slung his backpack onto his back and cracked his knuckles as he bit his bottom lip. âGuess you can find a new altar boy. I thought you were different. Like you understood me, I guess I was wrong.â
Geoff rubbed his palm against his face from behind the door, sighing a little. He unlocked the front door and pulled it open. âGavin, waitâŠâ He bent down to pick up the papers, feeling rather foolish like heâd been spooked by some Halloween prank. âItâs not that I donât like you⊠I donât need any other altar server. Please, just come in. Iâll make you some tea⊠Iâve been having a rather stressful few days. Iâm the crazy one.â
Gavin looked at Geoff and cast his eyes down on the sidewalk. âAre you sure? âCause you seemed pretty insistent about me not coming in. Obviously I've disturbed your peaceful life. I should just goâŠâ Gavin mumbled and pulled his bottom lip into his mouth. âI'm just making your life harder. Obviously I'm not good for you.â He put his hands in his pockets. âJust forget it. I'll tell my mom that I wasn't up to par and that's why I had to leave.â
âNo more talk of that,â Geoff waved him off and walked down the sidewalk, leaning Gavinâs bike against the tree. âYouâre a prime altar server. And, Iâve really enjoyed having gotten to know you. Itâs not often that priests make real friends. Iâm sorry for overreacting, do you want some tea?â
Gavin looked up at the priest and nodded. âThat would be nice yes. I'm still sorryâŠâ He mumbled softly and followed Geoff into his house. It was perfect, the priest had all but cordially invited him into his house. Maybe he should hang off and just stay low. But he wanted to crack the priest so bad.
He didnât get to see Geoff outside of his uniform that often, especially not in a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. Gavin wanted him, it was torture to prolong it.
âHave a seat, I was just brewing a pot before you cameâŠâ Geoff put the papers down on his kitchen table. âHow was getting back to school? Did you run into Michael there yet? I apologize for being rather MIA, been having some personal problemsâŠâ
Gavin sat down at the kitchen table and looked at the man. He was going to make this man crumple, make him want him. âI haven't run into him yet, and I'm hoping I never do. I don't want to be bullied by the asshole I helped save,â Gavin huffed and crossed his arms. âWhat kind of personal problems? If you don't mind me asking,â he said as he kept his eyes on the front of the manâs sweatpants. Soon he would be his.
Geoff poured a cup of tea for Gavin and some old, cold coffee for himself. He felt like he really had to wake up. âI don't know. Who does a priest confess to other than God?â he laughed lightly and put the mugs on the table. âI guess I've just been thinking about my past a lot. Things I regret. Even when I'm supposed to have been forgiven, sometimes God still reprimands me. Do you want something to eat? I haven't made breakfast yetâŠâ
Gavin smiled softly and shook his head. âIt's okay, Geoff, what's got you thinking?â he asked and took the cup, taking a sip. âThanks for being here with me, I'm sorry if I intrude in your lifeâŠâ Gavin mumbled softly as he ran his fingers through his hair. Fuck, he needed this man so bad, he could just eat all the tattoos up and down his arms. Gavin could feel his cock twitch to life, holy fuck he needed this so much.
Geoff sat down with him at the round kitchen table. âIt's not like I have anyone else to talk to⊠I wasn't always a good kid. That's all. Before I joined the brotherhood, I had a lot of substance abuse problems. Sometimes it gets to me even today when I'm stressed out.â He crossed his legs and looked over at Gavin, catching his stare for only a second. âI never told the ministry that. I didn't know if they'd let me pursue priesthood.â
Gavin looked up at the man's face and then back to his brightly coloured tattoos. âDoes it really? Do you really wanna go back to the drugs though?â He asked and held onto his mug. âI like being around you⊠You make me feel easy about life.â Gavin said softly, âI'm sorry if I make things harder on youâŠâ Gavin mumbled and ran his fingers through his hair.
âYou don't, Gavin,â he assured. âOf course I don't want to go back to that. That was the worst time in my life and it took so much for me to get away from it⊠Sometimes even having a friend around has made it easier for me too.â He drank his coffee. âSorry for unloading onto you, though.â
Gavin looked at the man and smiled. âDon't worry about it, I don't mind.â He looked at the manâs arms, tracing the outsides of the ink with his eyes, the ink contoured his biceps and his muscles show. Gavin closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. The demon could feel the real Gavin's eyes glued the to man's biceps, staring at the ink. He could feel Gavinâs want, and the demon wanted it as well.
Geoff smiled at him and leaned on his elbow. âYou sure you arenât hungry? I just bought some groceries the other day.â He noticed the way the boy was staring. âOh, my tattoos? Sometimes I forget theyâre still there.â
Gavin looked back at Geoff. âYeah, sorry. They're just⊠Really colorful, and nice. Sorry for staring.â Gavin blushed, and looked down into his coffee. âI like the compass one, it's really niceâŠâ Gavin tried to sound less embarrassed but it wasn't working. He wanted the priest to wrap his arms around him and pull him in close, kiss him.
âOh, yeah⊠I used to get a lot of tattoos when I was drunk or loaded, donât really even remember when or where I got them.â He looked down at his arms, running his hands over his forearms. âWhat about you, do you ever want tattoos? They hurt to get, I donât recommend getting them the way I did.â
Gavin nodded and smiled brightly. âI do want some tattoos.â He moved to sit a little closer by Geoff and touched the tattoos, tracing the compass on his arm and then the thick black rectangles higher on his bicep. âWhat does it feel like? I love the look of them, the color is beautiful,â Gavin said softly as he looked at the other tattoos on his forearm and on the top of his hands and fingers. âI think they're niceâŠâ
Geoff felt embarrassed when his arms prickled into goosebumps. He knew Gavin shouldnât be this close but no one had ever touched him like that before. He was so used to covering up his tattoos that he couldnât remember what they actually felt like. âIt feels nice⊠What kind of tattoos do youâŠâ Gavin swirled his index finger around Geoffâs inner wrist, making the priestâs fingers twitch a little like heâd forgotten how to use them. He could catch Gavinâs scent this close to him, breathing in the distinct, strange aroma of lilac and moss. It was the last thing heâd expect a teenage boy to smell of, but it was intoxicating.
Gavin touched the syringe tattoo, circling his finger over it. âI wouldn't mind like⊠I don't know a rose on my wrist would be nice, or a wolf tattoo on my thigh, to cover up my scars.â He said softly and looked up at the man. Gavin smiled and rest his head on the man's shoulder. Gavin could smell Geoff's shampoo and body wash, he smelt so good, he wanted to just sink into the man's arms and breathe in his scent.
âYour scars?â he asked softly. âOn your thigh⊠I'm sorry. You shouldn't have had to deal with that pain.â He tried to regain control of his hands, Gavinâs small touches had him leaning closer into Gavinâs embrace.
Gavin looked up at the man, catching his gaze. Gavin didn't look away and Geoff was caught. Gavin leaned closer, closing the gap between them and Geoff closed his eyes. He pressed his lips to the priestâs, softly just testing the man to see if he would pull away within a moment and when he didn't, Gavin pressed his lips against Geoff's a little harder.
Geoffâs whole body felt like it erupted at the touch on his mouth, and he was suddenly too aware that Gavin was a young man with a body far too close to his. âG-Gavin.â He firmly placed his hands on the boyâs shoulders and pushed him back, disconnecting them. âNo. No! We can't do that again.â He quickly got out of his chair, still feeling wild and out of control.
âW-Why not? I know you like when I get close and touch you, or you wouldn't let meâŠâ Gavin mumbled and look down at his hands. âIt's fine, whatever. It's like what happened with Barbara all over again.â Gavin tried to play Geoff then sighed. Looking like he felt stupid, embarrassed, rejected. Gavin reached for his mug so he could finish his tea and leave.
âI-It doesnât matter what we want, what we want isnât always whatâs right.â Geoff rubbed his hands over his eyes, still feeling the sweet taste of Gavinâs lips on his mouth. He licked them and tried to shake it off. âWhat just happened wasnât rightâŠâ
In Gavinâs mindâs eye, he was still stunned to silence. He had felt the tiny kiss Geoff had given back to him. Geoff had kissed his lips, even if Gavin couldnât move them, he felt it.
âGavin⊠That alone could ruin my life if people knew.â
Gavin stood and walked over to Geoff. âNo one has to know⊠Geoff, I've never⊠You treat me like I'm perfect, like I'm the most precious thing in the world and I need you to show me.â Gavin wrapped his arms around Geoff's neck. âNo one can see us, weâre in your house. Just⊠Please, kiss me,â he almost begged as he pressed his forehead against Geoff's tangling his fingers in the back of his hair.
Every fiber in Geoffâs body felt like it was being torn apart between what he wanted and what he knew he couldn't do. He'd never allowed himself to think of Gavin in his bodily way, but with the boy this close to him and with his burning gaze, Geoff was overly aware of how attractive Gavin was. And it killed the Catholic in him. His cock had grown thicker in his sweatpants and he was struggling to maintain control of himself.
âW-We, we can't, Gavin. It isn't right for me to⊠to.â He lost his train of thought. âGod sees everything we do⊠He does.â
Gavin leaned in close to Geoff, feeling the heat of his face and he pressed his lips against Geoff's again. This time Gavin kept Geoff's face close, fingers tugging at the man's hair. Gavin could feel Geoff moving his lips, but he wouldn't kiss him back enough. Gavin pulled away and reached one hand down to touch the manâs cock. âPlease, I know you want this. If it feels so good, how can it be wrong?â Gavin squeezed the manâs cock and licked his lips. âFuck, you're big.â
Geoff sucked in his breath sharply and gripped the edge of the kitchen counter he was now cornered against. âO-Oh my god.â It was the first time Gavin had ever heard Geoff use Godâs name in vain and it felt like heroin to the demon. âD-Doesn't matter what it feels likeâŠâ Just Gavinâs voice had his cock jutting straight out now, straining against the material of his sweatpants. He was so hard it hurt, he should've felt more embarrassed but everything Gavin did was turning him on. âI-I'm not decent, you shouldn't see me like this,â his voice came out weaker than he'd intended. All he wanted to do was kiss Gavin, so much it petrified him. It also scared him to realize how much more he wanted too.
Gavin slowly slid his hand into Geoff's sweatpants, under his boxers. He gripped the priestâs cock and stroked him slowly. âIt's okay, GeoffâŠâ Gavin mumbled against the manâs jaw and kisses his neck. âJust give into me⊠Kiss me,â Gavin whispered huskily against the manâs skin. âI want youâŠâ He added as he pressed his own hard cock against Geoffâs thigh.
Geoff eyes fluttered shut, his mouth dropping open in an unexpected moan. âF-Fuck,â he rasped. The touch of Gavinâs warm fingers wrapping around his length caused his cock to twitch obscenely. âG-Gavin, weâŠâ His body tensed up with pleasure and he forcefully grabbed the back of Gavinâs head, taking a fist of his hair and pulling him in for a closed mouth, rough kiss. A warm, hard kiss captured Gavin, Geoff was the one kissing him this time.
Gavin kept moving his hand a little faster, squeezing at the tip of his cock. Gavinâs head was swimming, his body was tingly and he was so hard. Harder than he's ever been in his life. Gavin let out a small moan against the manâs lips, loving every noise the man was making and the feel of his lips on his in a rough kiss. Gavin had never wanted anything or anyone more than Geoff. This was driving him wild.
Geoff groaned against Gavinâs lips, his body shuddering as he leaned into Gavinâs touch and softened his kiss, kissing him slower with more purpose. âU-UhâŠâ He rolled his hips forward unconsciously, caught up in how good the friction felt and his cock started dripping precum over Gavinâs knuckles. He curled his hand in Gavinâs hair, placing the other hand on the side of the boyâs jaw. âW-We shouldn't. I-I'm gonna cum,â he gritted out.
Gavin quickened his pace and moved to kiss Geoff's neck, biting at the skin gently, not wanting to leaving a mark. âCum, Father, cum for meâŠâ Gavin went back to kissing Geoff as he ground his hips against Geoffâs thigh. âA-Ah⊠I've wanted this for so fucking long.â He moaned squeezed Geoff's cock a couple times.
âF-Fuck!â Geoff moaned sharply, moving his hand to the back of Gavinâs neck down to his ass, squeezing and hoisting him closer. Immediately he was coming inside his sweatpants, harder than he ever had in fucking years. He rasped with each long spurt, sinking into the material of his pants and digging his short nails into Gavinâs hair. âG-Gavin, oh shit⊠Oh fuck.â
Gavin continued to stroke Geoff through it as he kissed Geoff roughly. âFuck⊠Moan my name again⊠Shit.â Gavin was grinding against Geoff's thigh head tipped back. âFuck⊠G-Geoff, pull my hair,â he hissed as he clawed at the manâs chest. âI-Iâm closeâŠâ
Geoff caught his breath, feeling his wildness start to turn into panic. âOh my god,â he groaned and pulled Gavinâs hand out of his pants, almost wanting to hyperventilate. âThis is bad. This is so bad⊠Gavin.â He pried the boy away from him, stumbling backwards as the cum dripped down his leg. âGavin, you donât understand how bad this is. This is so fucked up. Y-You, why would you want this?â He couldnât bring his hands to lay another finger on the boy.
Gavin looked at the man and bit his bottom lip. âWhy would I want this? Why wouldnât I? Iâm a fucking faggot and I get a hard on for you! I want you, I need you⊠Geoff, Iâm sorry but youâre the first person Iâve ever been attracted to,â he said as he walked up to the man and pushed him up against the counter. âThe boy wants you Father Ramsey, he wants you so bad.â Gavin smirked and kissed the manâs neck, loving the feel of his stubble on his face. âI know you want the boy too Geoffrey, I know how fucking bad you want him. Just give in Father, let your own demons out and fuck the boy. He wants it so bad.â
âY-Youâre a fucking demon!â Geoff grabbed Gavinâs wrists, holding them still before he could get aroused. âYou speak nothing but lies, get out of Gavinâs head! Youâre sickâŠâ He almost sounded like he was pleading for something. âGod compels you out of this house, get out of that boy!â He felt a horrible guilt wave over him to think that heâd actually just molested Gavin, Gavin couldnât have had any control over his actions and Geoff just abused them. He scrambled to grab the crucifix hanging on the wall, pushing it at Gavin, who looked uncomfortable close to it but not that bothered. âOut!â
Gavin raised his eyebrows. âYou think that's gonna do anything to me? I'm in your altar boy. I'm protected.â He laughed and pushed against the priest. âFuck you, you know you loved every second of it. You can't run from your past forever Geoffrey⊠It's part of you.â Gavin kissed the man again hard, biting his lip and pulling away to contentedly leave the house.
Geoff was left in the kitchen stunned, lips red from Gavinâs hard kiss. How had he known that? Why would Gavin want to bring up his past?
He scratched the insides of his arms nervously and closed the front door, changing out of his dirty sweatpants. He had to make amends for this, anything.
He couldn't sleep, he spend the day praying for forgiveness but it felt hollow. He prayed for it to not feel hollow. To feel like it mattered. Why did it feel so fake? Was it his doubt again? Geoff knew he needed to be forgiven but why had he liked it so much?
Gavin laid in his bed listening to music, he was replaying the events of today over and over in his head. Geoff was gonna crack, he would be the priestâs undoing. âShut up, stop yelling at me! You both fucking liked it. I'm only doing this because this is your inner wish, your deepest desire.â Gavin yawned and got up to brush his teeth. âDon't worry, tomorrow will be the greatest day of your young life. And you're gonna love it,â Gavin said smirk plastered on his face. âJust wait.â
Born Sick - Chapter 6
âI think itâs better if you come to the church to talk about it.â
âUh⊠Okay, I'll be there in like twenty minutes. No it's okay, it's not a bad time.â He dismissed the priest kindly and hung up. âMom, I'm gonna need you to drive Barb home and me to the church. I don't know what's going on but Father Ramsey wants to talk to me.â
Gavin crossed back into the bedroom to help Barb pack her backpack. âHey Barb, you're gonna have to leave, there's some emergency at the church. He said something's happened with Michael.â Gavin sat beside the girl. âApparently something has come to the attention of the church and Father Ramsey wants to talk to me,â he mumbled as he leaned against the girl.
Barb zipped up her backpack and squeezed Gavinâs knee. âNo worries, it's getting kind of late anyways. What happened with Michael? Does it have something to do with why he's been absent for so long?â
âReady, Gavin,â his mother called from downstairs.
âNevermind, text me when you find out. I hope that bastard gets something good.â She laughed and threw the bag over her shoulder, it made Gavin chuckle and shake his head and they walked downstairs together.
Barbâs house wasn't too far from the chapel so they dropped her off first then drove towards the school where the chapel was lit up from the inside by orange lights and half of the parking lot was full of black cars. For a brief second Gavin thought maybe Michael actually had died and he felt guilty for it somehow, but the look on Geoffâs face when he walked out of the chapel didn't read grief it read confusion and concern. He walked over to his motherâs window and waited for her to roll it down
âThank you for bringing him, Mrs. Free. I'm afraid we need as many hands as we can get here, I promise to call you if Gavin will be home late.â
âIt's no trouble, Father!â she assured. âLet me know if there's anything I can help with too, I hope everything's alright. Gavin, be good and do whatever Father Ramsey needs you to do, okay?â
Gavin nodded and got out of the car. âOkay, mom. I'll text you when I'm ready to go home. I can walk, or I'm sure Father Ramsey can drive me.â He glanced looked up at the priest, he motioned him to follow him into the church. âWhat's going on?â he asked as they walked through the threshold. Gavin felt nervous, but why was he? What could be wrong with Michael? He wanted to say he didn't care, but it disturbed him. He didn't want Michael to die.
There were people scattered around the lobby in small groups, all men in still outfits and one woman who was crying. âFather what's going on?â
He saw the woman crying, vaguely recognizing her face from around school and by the color of her hair. It was Michaelâs mother, what the hell was she doing here too? Gavin was getting tired of being kept in the dark, he demanded to know what was going on once more.
Father Ramsey pulled him aside into a row of the pews, hushing him in the room of chattering stiffs. âThere is a warrant, um, papers calling for an exorcism from the Catholic church. Itâs not something Iâve ever done before, but Iâm the only one qualified and close enough. Michaelâs become very sick⊠Heâs exhibited⊠strange signs. And his health has declined so rapidly that theyâve called for an exorcism.â The priest glanced down at Michaelâs mother again, who was wiping her nose with a handkerchief. âI know what this may sound like⊠but sometimes these rituals help in unconventional ways.â
Gavin looked at the man confused and scratched the back of his head. âWhat? Michaelâs like possessed by a demon?â he asked, not thinking seriously of it. âSo are you gonna exorcise Michael? This doesn't sound safe. I've seen those exorcism movies, and watched those shows that dramatize exorcisms.â Gavin picked at his fingers and bit his bottom lip. âDo you know how to do one? Is that what weâre going to do now?!â
âKeep your voice down,â Geoff tried to urge, not wanting to draw attention from Michaelâs family or the other minor members of the Church.
âThe people in those movies always get their necks snapped!â
âNo one is getting their neck snapped,â he prompted. âI've never done one⊠It's a sacred ritual, the steps of it are very precise and clear cut. I just have to follow them. If anything it will at least help console Michaelâs mother to believe he's freed of demons. I don't know what this boyâs sick with but he'd been hospitalized to no avail, they couldn't diagnose. He's at their family home now⊠Weâll be heading there tonight.â It was already 10pm, Gavin had a feeling he wouldn't be able to get much sleep with this weight on his shoulders anyway. âI need someone who I can trust to help me perform the ritual. I know it's too much to ask.â Geoffâs hand was lightly touching his shoulder, but all Gavin could get out of that was the fact that Geoff would choose him to trust over any other minister.
Gavin looked at Geoff and bit his bottom lip. âAre you sure I'm the one you should be asking? I'm just a kid.â He nervously ran his fingers through his hair. âGeoff⊠Can't the demon, if he's possessed, possess one of us too? Like once he's released from Michael's body?â Gavin asked softly as he touched Geoffâs knee. âFather what if this doesn't work? His neck's gonna get snapped, or his heads gonna turn around like an owl. And then what?â
âThatâs not going to happen. Weâll try to help Michael, give him his blessings and if it doesnât work, his final rights. Itâs courtesy.â
âFather Ramsey?â The woman stepped over to their pew, having pulled herself together enough to talk coherently. âAre you prepared to leave? They said they have your supplies packed, he gets worse at night I think we should go.â
The man nodded and rubbed the scruff on his face. âWeâre ready, donât worry Mrs. Jones. Weâll take care of your son.â Geoff grabbed ahold of Gavinâs wrist and lead him down the aisle with her, his hand was so warm and thick on his wrist. It made him lose his train of thought. âGavin will ride in my car, weâll follow you home, okay?â
Gavin walked with Geoff towards his car. âGeoff⊠This is crazy! I mean I don't like Michael, but this is ridiculous⊠Is this why he's missed so much school? It's crazy! It's like a fucking movie.â Gavin buckled in and looked at the man. âFather⊠I just, I don't know. What if you or I, or his mother get possessed after? Then what?â
âThatâs just superstition. Itâs not even confirmed if his sickness is a true possession yet, we have to see him first. A few more priests will be coming to back us up.â The two of them walked outside, another elderly man gave Gavin his altar boy robes.
âWear these holy garments. They will protect you from evil.â
Geoff unlocked his car as Gavin shrugged on the white linen. âThis will be different though, Gavin. Michael already knows you. Heâll be able to say things that will bother you whether or not heâs possessed. Donât let it get to you.â
Gavin looked at Geoff. âHe's lying then! He's doing this to get back at me for getting suspended, and âruiningâ his life. This is bullshit. I don't wanna be here if he's gonna say rude things to me. I don't wanna help.â he crossed his arms and ran his fingers through his hair. âHe made my life hell, he caused my father to beat me almost to death. I don't feel bad. This is so stupid.â
âGavin, you have a unique opportunity here,â Geoff said to him, standing with his hand on top of the car. âTo help save someone who wronged you so badly, I need your help with this.â He looked genuinely concerned to go in alone. âYou don't have to help him if you truly don't want to. If you want to help me, get in the car.â Father Ramsey sat in the driverâs seat and revved the engine on.
Gavin choose to get in, it wasn't much of a choice at all because he knew he had to help Geoff at least. It was nearing 11 oâclock by the time they arrived at the Jonesâ house, it was ominously quiet and the flaky painting on the outside of the house gave Gavin the heebie geebies.
âThis way, Father, thank you for following⊠I really don't know where else to turn,â Mrs. Jones showed them to the front door.
Gavin walked behind Geoff not really ready or willing to do this. He knew he had to help Geoff. That's the only reason he was here in Michaelâs house. Gavin didn't like how quiet it was inside. Obviously the whole family was here by now many people were standing around in the kitchen. Demons couldnât exist, not in Gavin's eyes, so he was apprehensive at best. There were hushed voices as the people watched the priest and the altar boy walk up the stairs to Michaelâs room.
Another of the priests brought up a case of supplies, crucifixes, holy water, straight out of those vampire movies. Gavin was mostly alarmed to see all the complex chants in crumpled paper fall out the second the thick suitcase was opened.
They were outside of Michaelâs bedroom in the dim hallway. Geoff fixed his robes, fully transforming from man into Father Ramsey. He took a crucifix and Holy Bible in his hands, and opened the door.
Michael was passed out in the messy bed, his hands and ankles constricted by belts that tied to each of the four bedposts. He already looked dead and wouldnât make a sound.
Gavin looked at the priest and the back at Michael. âIs he dead? He doesn't even look like he's breathingâŠâ he mumbled and held the bottle of holy water close to his chest. âFather, what do we do?â Gavin couldn't take his eyes off of Michael, strapped to his bed by belts. He may hate Michael but this didn't look healthy.
âWe have to start reading⊠itâs good if he doesnât wake up, but. My guess is he will.â Father Ramsey put his trunk of supplies on the armoire, opening up his bible to one of the bookmarked pages. He began talking in Latin tongue.
âFather Ramsey⊠help meâŠâ Michaelâs mouth moved but his body didnât. âIt burns⊠I donât want a faggot priest to read me my rights.â
Gavin looked at Michael and then at Geoff. He didn't know what was going on, he thought Michael was asleep a second ago. Gavin folded his hands together and mumbled his own Our Fatherâs. He really hoped nothing more would happen. He really did.
Father Ramsey looked taken off guard for a split second, but he kept reading in Latin and hung a crucifix over Michaelâs headboard.
âOoh, Daddy, it burns!â Michaelâs chest erupted into laughter, his teeth bared and his ankles and wrists curled in their restraints. âThat's what cock loving priests like hearing isn't it? Daddy, daddy! Oh you make it burn, burn, burn!â
Geoff frustratedly flipped to a different chant, speaking with more conviction. âTe rogamus, audi nos! Te rogamus audi nos!â Then Michaelâs fingers twitched a little, as if out of annoyance of a pest he couldn't get rid of. Holy water was whipped onto his chest abruptly and Michael arched up in pain.
âFuck you! Bastard motherfucker, take that cock out of your ass before I shove your own down your throat, faggot priest!â
Gavin looked at Michael and then at Geoff who didn't looked phased at all. Gavin tossed a small amount of Holy Water on Michaelâs chest, and watched the boy writhe on the bed and pull at his restraints. âSo is he possessed? This seems surreal FatherâŠâ Gavin said softly as he looked at the priest. He was actually getting worried, he didn't know how to help the priest.
âJust don't listen to the demonâs words, Mrs. Jones, go wait out in the hallway!â The other priest pulled Michaelâs mother out of the room, leaving Geoff and Gavin there alone locked in with Michael.
âListen, listen!â Michael spewed, kicking his feet. âLook who I'm left with! A faggot priest and a faggot⊠Altar boy?â Michael started laughing harder. âSmall faggot word! Cunt repelled, sex crazed faggots in my view!â
âQuiet!â Father Ramsey shouted, sparing a worried glance at Gavin.
Michael quieted, he stopped his movements and laid limp on the mattress, only turning up to puke on the pillow. âGavin⊠You're tearing my soul apart.â
Gavin tossed some Holy Water into the boy's mouth. âShut the fuck up!â he snapped and stuck his finger in the water and made the sign of the cross on Michaelâs forehead. âThe only faggot here is you.â Gavin made another cross over Michaelâs heart. âThe power of Christ compels you!â He stood back looking at Geoff. He figured if it works in the movies maybe it would work in real life. Though Gavin figured Michael was just being an asshole. âI⊠I'm sorry Father. I was out of line thereâŠâ
âThis boy is very sick,â the priest uttered, flipping through the pages of his Bible. âHis forehead is burning up.â
Michael stuck his tongue out, writhing it around sexually at Geoff and thrusting his groin up. âDaddy, you're the only sick one here. I can see what you desire. I can smell it! And you! Gavin, how often do you get stiffies thinking about Ramseyâs cock shoved down your throat! You love it! Love, love, love it!â
Geoffâs eyes went wide and he threw a wooden cross down on Michaelâs chest, hearing it sizzle. It dawned on Gavin that this was a real possession. It couldn't be fake, acted, bile was leaking from Michaelâs nose and smoke came off from his skin wherever the holy water ran or the cross touched. âEnough!â he shouted. âShut your filthy mouth! Our Father! Who art in heaven! Gavin, say it with me!â Everything in the room shook violently, the whole house felt like it was vibrating.
âI know what will hurt you, baby! I know how hard you get thinking about bending your altar boy over your desk, I see it!â
âHallowed be thy name!â Geoff cut him off, with Gavinâs disconnected, wavering voice mimicking behind his.
âI know how to destroy you!â Michael screamed, blood-curdling, his eyes on Gavinâs, and everything in the house went black.
When Gavin opened his groggy eyes, he was on the floor of Michaelâs bedroom. All of the furniture and pictures had been stripped from the walls and gone. Geoff wasn't there anymore, but Michael was. He was curled up in the corner of the room naked and shivering.
âGavinâŠ?â he sniveled.
Gavin looked over at Michael. âW-What theâŠ? What happened Michael?â He asked softly and sat up, rubbed his eyes. Gavin had a headache, and his head was swimming. âWhy're you naked?â Gavin mumbled and pulled off his altar boy garments. He moved over to the boy in the corner. âAre you okay?â He asked softly as he grabbed a blanket off the bed and wrapped it around the shaking boy. Gavin sat next to him and rubbed the boyâs back. âWhere did Father Ramsey go?â
âFather Ramseyâs here? I'm s-so damn cold. Gavin⊠I've just been left here to think about what I did. All those mean and violent things⊠I'm so sorry if I made you feel like this.â Michael was still curled up, Gavin touched his hair and sure enough his body wasn't emitting any heat. Still he wouldn't raise his head from his fetal position. âDo you know what hurts more than anything, what I'm most sorry for, even after I die?â
âIt's okay Michael. Relax, you just went through a lot. I think you should get back in your bed and try to sleepâ He asked softly and pulled the boy against his chest. He felt so bad for him, he couldn't believe this. Gavin wrapped the blanket around the boy and rubbed his back. âWhat're you most sorry for?â He asked softly and wrapped the blanket around the boy tighter.
âI-I'm, I'm most sorry⊠for this.â Michaelâs head turned upward, facing Gavinâs face. Suddenly both of Michaelâs hands were planted on his ears and Gavin saw his eyes. His bare eye sockets. Michael kissed him hard and shoved his tongue down Gavinâs throat, sucking him in like some kind of vacuum. It lurched and made Gavin jump backward, landing him on the floor with a scream and a violent smack.
~ ~ ~
âGavin! Gavin, wake up! Are you alright?â Father Ramsey was holding and leaning over him as he hazily came to, feeling normal, feeling like he'd woken from a terrible nightmare that planted a pit in his stomach but feeling relieved to be out of that dream.
Gavin sat up and looked at the priest. âI think so⊠I'm just really tiredâŠâ He mumbled and held his hand out for the priest to help him up. âIs it all over now Father? Is Michael okay?â He asked softly looking over at the boy in the bed. All he could think of was the other boys lips in his from his dream and he shook his head. âIs it time to go home?â
âYes, Gavin, I think so⊠There was a power outage when I finished my prayer, you collapsed but Michael seems to be stable. He's sleeping and his fever is decreasingâŠâ Geoff hung the cross that fell off the wall back over Michaelâs bed, where he was soundly sleeping off the exhaustion. Mrs. Jones was there too tending after her son and wiping his forehead off to make sure his fever didn't return.
âYou're a miracle worker, Father, both of you are⊠I can feel the demon gone from our home. Thank you.â She dried her eyes and smiled at them, Geoff was still holding Gavinâs arm to steady him.
âLet's get you home, Gavin, it's been a stressful night. You're welcome, Mrs. Jones. Weâre happy to help.â
Gavin leaned against Geoff slightly and closed his eyes. âI'm so tired⊠I can only imagine how tired you are.â He laughed softly and pressed his face against the man's shoulder and yawned. As they left the house and walked out to the priest's car, Gavin asked the questions that were pent up in his mind and dying to be answered all night. âWhat do I tell my mom? And why was the demon saying all that shit about you wanting to bend me over your desk?â
Father Ramsey almost tripped when Gavin asked him and for a second he felt bad for taking the priest off guard so much, though the other part of him suppressed a laugh. Geoff fumbled with the keys as he fumbled looking for words, and he unlocked the car. âThe demons lie, say things to provoke and turn people against each other. Especially the people performing the exorcism, he was trying to distract me and instill doubt in you.â Once Geoff started talking he had a hard time stopping. âI mean, itâs not true. That was extremely inappropriate. Iâd never encroach on your personal space. J-Just tell your mother we had to administer the anointing of the sick to a person who was believed to be dying, though it looks like heâll be making a recovery now.â
Gavin sat in the car, still worn of all his energy but trying to process Geoffâs rambling, and Geoff drove him back towards his house.
Gavin looked over the priest, eyes half lidded. âFather, are you sure that's all. I⊠I had a dream while I was out, that Michael was hiding in the corner, naked. And I went over to him to cover him with a blanket âcause it was over and he turned, his eyes weren't there and kissed me, hard. Tongue and all. What could that mean? âCause the next thing that happened was you waking me up.â Gavin rubbed his eyes. âI don't know what that was about but it was weird. It felt so real.â
The priest glanced at him from the driverâs seat, concerned at the least. âI donât know, I think you hit your head pretty hard when you collapsed⊠It was a lot of stress to put on you. Things got pretty intense in thereâŠâ He turned out of Michaelâs neighborhood, it was pitch dark outside. âI think after the things we saw tonight, itâs normal to have some bad dreams. Iâm sorry for subjecting you to it, itâs over now⊠Just forget about the night and get some rest. Okay, Gavin? I can write you a note to dismiss you from classes tomorrow and you can catch up on sleep.â
The lights in Gavinâs house were turned off when they pulled up to his house.
Gavin nodded and looked at his house. âI guess mom and dad are sleeping. It is like four in the morning⊠Well almost.â He laughed softly. âHopefully this means Michael will stop bullying me⊠I doubt it.â When Geoff parked Gavin made no attempt to move. He felt like his body weighed a ton, like he had cinder blocks strapped to his feet. âOkay. I'll see you at next mass, Father.â He mumbled eyes closed and head lulled back against the seat.
Geoff caught the back of Gavinâs neck and laughed airily. âAlright, there. Let me help you inside.â He parked the car and got out, circling to Gavinâs side and leaning over the boy to unlock his seatbelt. âDo you have a key? No need to wake your parents this lateâŠâ Gavin loosely hooked his arm over Geoffâs shoulder and the man scooped him up, he felt like dead weight.
âUnder⊠um, the mat,â he managed to get out.
Geoff carried him up the porch and unlocked the door, Gavin didnât even realize how strong the priest was until he was being carried so effortlessly. Something about that made his stomach curl. Gavin just pressed his face to Geoffâs shirt and breathed in his scent.
Gavin never realized how good the man smelt. Something about it made his head spin. Gavin pressed his face against the man's neck and yawned, he could feel like little stubble on his neck and chin and he closed his eyes, feeling genuinely comforted. He was exhausted and even though he just wanted to sleep, he didn't want Geoff to leave he wanted to curl up with him so hopefully nothing bad would happen to him.
Geoff felt Gavinâs breath on his neck and it made his skin prickle into goosebumps. He had to shake this off. The exorcism had shaken him enough, but he knew better than to get close to Gavin. It felt so right.
He quietly carried Gavin upstairs, finding Gavinâs bedroom without waking up the boyâs parents and consequently getting him in trouble. Gavinâs room was small, cluttered with video game figurines and clothes, his bed was still messy from the night before too.
âYou feeling okay, Gavin?â Geoff asked as he reluctantly laid Gavin down in bed, grabbing a sticky note off the dresser to write a note to Gavinâs teachers. âDo you need anything?â
Gavin looked up at Geoff and shook his head. âI don't think so⊠Maybe some water.â He mumbled and reached for the manâs pant leg. âWhere did the demon go, after that?â he asked before yawning, pulling Geoff closer to the edge of the bed. âI'm worried. What if it's in Mrs. Jones, or someone else? How can we be sure?â
âYouâre safe, Gavin⊠I canât stay here.â Geoff looked down at the boy curled up in bed and he pulled away. âUm, let me get you a glass of water. Just rest.â He quietly stepped out of the room, merely hoping Gavinâs parents wouldnât wake up to find him in the odd situation.
Gavin tipped his head back against the pillows and sighed, not feeling as safe as Geoff said he was. By the time Geoff retrieved a glass of water, his exhaustion was starting to win him over.
âHere, Gavin⊠I should really be going,â Geoff took an apprehensive seat on the bed, handing Gavin the glass of water.
Gavin sat up and took the water taking a big gulp of water. âThank you Father. Okay, you can leave. I'll see you at next mass.â He mumbled and set the glass on night table. Gavin laid down on the bed and kicked his shoes off. âThank you for carrying me up the stairs.â He mumbled sheepishly and touched the manâs arm. âI hope nothing bad will happen.â
Geoff lingered for a second, Gavinâs fingers were so warm. He almost thought to check Gavinâs forehead but he fought the worried urge, Gavin was just so warm blooded. âYou just need some sleep⊠try to forget tonight happened, but remember that you saved a life.â He ran his fingers over Gavinâs knuckles, pulling the blanket up around him. He was beautiful like this, moonlight through the window, cotton sheets around his skinny, curled up body, hair messy. Lips pink.
The priest quickly pulled his hand away and gave Gavin a small smile, continuing, âThank you for not stranding me there tonight⊠That wouldâve been awfully stressful without you. Goodnight, Gavin.â
Gavin smiled softly and nodded. âOf course Father. We've helped me with so much. It would've been rude to just leave you there. Plus there's no way you could've done that by yourself.â He giggled and reached out for Geoff's hand. âGoodnight Geoff, thank you for all you've done for me. I appreciate it so much.â
Geoff swallowed thickly and squeezed Gavinâs hand. âNo need to thank me, get some sleep.â He let go and tried not to make any noise leaving the house. He was beyond exhausted himself and ready to sleep off the strange night.
Gavin curled up in his bed and sighed, feeling only the slightest bit put off.
Born Sick - Chapter 5
He had fallen asleep on Father Ramseyâs couch before he realized he was going to. He just remembered a light shaking of his shoulder.
âGavin? Gavin⊠wake up.â Geoff stood beside the couch. âService in 10 minutes. Your mother just arrived.â He smiled gently.
Gavin yawned and curled in and then stretched. âCrapâŠâ He mumbled, head feeling foggy as he got up and stumbled a little. He needed to wake up a bit before he went running off to get changed. Gavin stood there yawning as he waited for his equilibrium to settle. Then he left the room and walked into the altar boy lounge, pulling on his white altar server clothes.
Gavin looked up at Geoff who was standing behind him, holding his old bible. Gavin was holding the cross not super excited about spending another hour here.
âLead the way.â Father Ramsey smiled at him again and for some reason, that made Gavin feel less reluctant than a moment ago. He donât know why the priestâs dumb, curled smile made him want to smile too. It almost scared him. But he lead the way nonetheless, Father Ramsey walking behind him down the aisle.
His mother did a little wave to him and the service started, Gavin listened to Geoffâs carefully prepared sermons. He had to be a phenomenal writer in order to talk the way he did, it was hard to not pay attention to, even for him.
The service was relatively short, Gavin dismissed the rows pew by pew after the priestâs blessing and his mother waited around afterward for them to finish cleaning the church.
Gavin pulled the white robes off and hung them back up in the fancy dresser. He walked to the back and into Geoff's office to grab his phone which had fallen between the couch cushions. Gavin sighed softly as he walked back out slowly, texting Barbara back as he found his mother. âI'm ready to go, Mom.â
âThank you again, Father Ramsey. Weâll see you tomorrow!â
The priest waved them goodbye before heading back towards his office. Gavin took a glance at Geoff over his shoulder, catching a glimpse of him taking off his priest's robe and unbuttoning the black shirt hidden underneath.
For some reason that image lingered in his head for too long, and his mother drove him home with him thinking about that.
The next day at school, the first fucking Tuesday back, he was already dreading. Though during his first few classes, Michael wasn't there.
Gavin found himself daydreaming a lot about stupid little things. He constantly thought about the brightly coloured ink on the priest's wrists. The priestâs crooked smile, the way he spoke and the powerful words he used in his sermons. Gavin couldn't believe he was thinking about the man like this. He wanted to know more about the man, wanted to know everything about him. Gavin sighed softly and ran his fingers through his hair as he sat with Barbara in the stairwell. âToday's been pretty good. Michael hasn't been around.â
Barbara opened her lunch box to share some frosted cookies with Gavin that she knew he liked. âYeah, small fucking blessings. Hopefully he's sick or dies.â She shrugged and passed him another cookie. âThe schoolâs actually not too bad without assholes walking around.â
Gavin chuckled softly and patted her shoulder. âSo bitter today.â He took a bite of his cookie, and hummed softly. âHave you decided what youâre gonna wear to Megâs party? You gonna dress up in a little dress that almost shows your bum.â He giggled and shook his head. âIt doesn't matter âcause youâll be the prettiest girl there.â
Barb blushed slightly and smacked Gavinâs knee. âOh you're so full of it!â Her smile was still bashful. âWhat butt do I have? I'm pretty sure I don't have one⊠But I'd like to wear something cute. I have a pink dress I've been contemplating.â She smiled wider and kept her eyes cast down. âWhat about you Mr. Cool Kid? Our class is gonna think you got Michael expelled if he doesn't turn up soon.â
Gavin shrugged and smiled softly. âI don't really care. At least he's not here. That's all the counts.â Gavin stretched and pulled Barbara in for a hug. âI don't have any good clothes to wear. Maybe you'll have to help me pick something out.â Gavin said as he took a bite of his sandwich.
âYeah I'll make you presentable,â Barbara promised with a wink. âOnly cute people can be seen around me, naturally.â
The two of them are their lunch in the stairwell, then waited around in the library instead of going out to the field.
Gavin made it through a gym class without getting the shit kicked out of him. Then he walked home with Barb in the Texas warm winter breeze, he even walked to chapel that night so his mother didn't need to be bothered with it. She was just getting back into work again.
Father Ramseyâs sermon was another iteration of forgiveness and how God views his creations. The priest said people are born with inherent flaws in order to prove their worth to God, to overcome them. Every event in his life happened for a reason to make him who he's supposed to be. A part of that was comforting, but the other part was disconcerting.
~ ~ ~
Gavin got through the rest of the week uninterrupted, no issues. He was starting to actually starting to mildly enjoy school. Michael needed to be out sick more. The time he spent at church every night was even starting to grow on him. Geoffâs sermons made him think through his thoughts, emotions, worries, they made him feel better about himself in some ways too. Though he wasn't sure if it was the Bible or Geoffâs voice and his kind company. It made him feel so peaceful.
Gavin was waiting for Barbara to come over that Friday afternoon. They were gonna get ready at his place to go to Megâs. He was lying on his bed, stretching, and listening to some music when Barb came into the house.
His nerves were starting to build up but after such a calm week, Gavin felt like things were maybe turning up. His bruises were healing and he wanted to stop focusing on the negativity, within his family and his classmates and God also. He wanted to be uninhibited for one night and hopefully fit in with his peers.
âGav! I brought some of my brotherâs cute clothes. You're scrawny like him, they should work!â She shut the door to Gavinâs room and tossed the clothes down on the bed, jumping beside Gavin. âAnd I need some help picking between these two dresses⊠I could model them for you.â
Gavin smiled and nodded. âOkay! Let's see âem! I'm sure you look stunning in both.â Gavin moved to grab the clothes Barb had brought him. He looked at the stuff and shook his head. He stripped down to his boxers and pulled on the tight black skinny jeans. Gavin was actually really excited, he felt like he was starting to fit in and be accepted as at least normal by his classmates. He felt less ostracized, and he was so happy that Michael wasn't around at school.
Barb tried on a blue dress first, turquoise in color and just above the knees. She couldn't wear something too formal without looking like a try-hard, and she wanted to make a good impression for some reason. âThis one? It's kind of puffy.â She flattened down the sparkly skirt and grabbed the little pink dress next.
âOr this one.â It was silky, flowing and thin. When she spun around it flared out the edges like a pink tulip.
âI love the pink one! It's perfect on you Barb.â Gavin smiled and walked over to her, spinning her around. Gavin hadn't picked out a shirt yet and he touched the soft silky dress. âThat's perfect. I love it so much.â Gavin said softly as he pulled away from her. âWhat shirt do you think I should wear? You brought me four.â He laughed softly and stretched as he laid back on his bed.
âWell,â she drawled. âIf you like the pink one, maybe you can go with this light green one⊠They go well together. And youâll look sharp! Put these on with these slacks.â She handed him a pair of black slacks and a belt. The metal clasp was cold in his hands and suddenly he was getting nervous. âIâll finish my makeup and then we can go.â
She plopped down on the bed and grabbed her makeup bag, painting pink on her lips. âI hear like everyone in our grade is going to be there. Megâs parents are out of town and her older brother bought a bunch of beer. Iâve never even had a beer before!â
Gavin smiled brightly and nodded. âI haven't either Barb. I'm nervous and excited all at the same time.â He shyly pushed his jeans down and pulled on the pants Barbara gave him, sliding the belt through the belt loops. Gavin shrugged the green shirt on next and did the buttons. âI guess you want me to tuck the shirt in.â He said softly as he tucked the shirt into the pants and did them up, then buckled the belt. Everything fit perfectly, and Gavin fiddled slightly. âHow do I look?â
âOo la la,â Barb marveled with a cheery laugh. âYou look fantastic. Who knew you could clean up so well.â She got up and grabbed some mousse, tousling his hair to make it slightly messier. âThere, andâŠâ She unbuttoned the top button of Gavinâs shirt. âThe right amount of not giving a shit. We have some time before the party. We definitely canât go on time. Wanna find a place to eat?â
Gavin smiled and nodded. âWe can get some food. Plus it's better if we show up late.â He pulled away from her and went to his closet to get his dadâs old leather jacket that he had given him one year for his birthday. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and felt a little package deep inside the pocket. He pulled out and shook his head, putting it in the inside pocket. It was better to be safe than sorry, and he wasn't counting on it anyway.
The two of them went out to a small restaurant until an hour after the party started. By the time theyâd walked into the back of the rich neighborhood, the house was already pulsing with music. Gavin wanted to have fun but suddenly his stomach was filled with nerves. He was already getting overly conscious of what people would think.
âReady?â The look in Barbâs eyes reflected his own worries. She grabbed his hand and opened the unlocked door, turning the muffled music into a full blown stream of noise.
Gavin squeezed her hand tightly and pulled her into the house. He watched as the people walked around with red cups, all laughing and uninhibited. Every girl was dressed up and all the guys were talking about sports or bands, a couple girls were dancing and Gavin pulled Barb towards the back of the house where the kitchen was. Meg was standing there a beer bottle in her hand.
âHey, little miss Barbara!â she exclaimed over the music. None of these people even remotely looked like the same students in Catholic school mumbling the hymnals every Tuesday and Thursdays. âSo happy you made it! Ooh, and you brought a cute little date with you!â She sauntered over to them and passed Gavin and Barb two new bottles. âDo you go to our school? Youâre adorable.â She beamed and tapped Gavin on the nose. âI hope âole Barb hasnât locked you down!â
Gavin laughed softly pulled Barbara closer. âI do go to your school, and she has, sorry.â He said before kissing Barbâs temple. âI'm Gavin. Sure you've heard about me,â he mumbled and shook his head. âWe have algebra together almost every year. Lovely home your parents have.â Gavin said as he kept Barbara close. He was feeling uncomfortable and he needed Barbara to stay as close as possible to him. He slammed back his beer, figuring it might taste like a root beer and cringing at the taste.
âBoo! I think I remember you. Donât hog the cute ones all to yourself, B.â Meg winked. âWe have a keg in the living room for when you two get low on refreshments.â
Barbara glared at her and smiled bitterly. âThanks, Meg. You throw a real rager!â She took a large swig of beer, almost wanting to spit it out at first but she swallowed thickly so Meg didnât see her cringe.
âAlright then, kids, have fun!â She touched Gavinâs shoulder and walked out into the living room.
âThis shit tastes like cat piss!â Barbara complained, pinching her nose and downing the rest of the bottle. âGross.â She groaned and took another beer. âLetâs go dance. She was all over you just to screw with me. Fuck her.â
Gavin kissed her temple again. âDon't worry. She's not really my type,â he replied before pulling her towards the living room. âShe's one of the popular girls. What do you expect? She's gonna try to get at all the other girls. And try to fuck all their boyfriends.â Gavin smiled softly at her. âShe's a bully, just like Michael. That's all there is to it. And they just wanna make life miserable for everyone. Don't let her cattiness ruin and what could be a great night.â
Barbara smiled brightly, feeling a little sick to her stomach because of the beer but also feeling happy. Gavin always knew what to say to her. She locked her arms around the boyâs neck and pulled him into the lump of people dancing. âDrink up, I doubt weâll get our hands on beer until weâre 21 or attend another one of these damn parties.â She laughed and grabbed a new beer bottle out of someoneâs hand, drinking half of it and trying not to taste it.
Meg eyed them from the edge of the crowd before finding someone else to pull into the dance floor.
Gavin wasnât a great dancer, but Barb knew how to get him moving, touching his arms and hands. The more they danced and their classmates hollered at them, the more embarrassed, drunk, and unstable Gavin was feeling.
Gavin pulled Barbara closer and kissed the girl's forehead. âLetâs take a break, I want another beer!â he said over the music. Gavin couldn't even taste it anymore, it just helped his nerves. So he took another big gulp and pulled Barbara closer. âHow're you feeling? Did you notice Meg looking so jealous while she watched us?â Gavin chuckled and rubbed the girl's back. âIt's cause you're the prettiest girl in this whole party.â
Barbara giggled and leaned on Gavin, stepping out of the music and dancing, uninhibited teenagers. âI donât know why I donât let you take me to these things more often. Youâre such a good date.â They stumbled out of the crowd, into one of Barbâs friends Arryn who was drunk making out with one of their other classmates.
After a fourth beer, Barb was really starting to feel sick. She clutched Gavinâs shirt, looking a little pale. âU-Uh, I think I need to go to the bathroom.â
Gavin pulled the girl into the kitchen and sat her down on one of the chairs. âAre you okay? Just relax. I'll get you upstairs to the bathroom in a minute.â Gavin rubbed his thumb over the girl's thigh. âIt's probably âcause weâre not used to drinking.â Gavin helped Barb up and helped her up the stairs. âAre you feeling like you're gonna throw up still?â Gavin was drunk, but Barbara came first, he wanted to make sure she was okay.
Barb took a few deep breaths and shook her head, laughing giddily. âUgh, I think I'm okay. Fuck, I didn't know they worked like that.â She barely felt them at first but now she felt them all at once.
The alcohol made their bodies feel warm, giggly, and Barb just wanted to hang all over Gavin.
âWanna dance, Gav?â Meg caught them in the hallway, putting her hand on Gavinâs shoulder.
Gavin chuckled and shook his head. âWe were dancing downstairs. And Barb started feeling sick.â He pulled Barbara closer and tried not to fall over. âYou sure you're okay?â he asked as he held her by her hips. Gavin pressed his forehead against Barbâs forehead.
Meg looked more than a little pissed, not used to being rejected by a boy she gave attention to. Especially when they were feet away from the guest bedroom.
Barb nodded, tossing a glance at Meg and the other classmates in the hallway before deciding to lean up and kiss Gavin hard on the lips. Maybe it was because she was drunk, wanted to make Meg jealous, or because she wanted to. âG-Gavin. Bedroom?â The kids in the hallway oooâed at them.
âYeah, Gavin, fuck yeah! Get some!â
Gavin pushed Barbara towards the door and opened it. He pushed her in and closed the door. âW-What?â He was cut off by Barbâs lips pressed against his. Gavin just kissed her back, feeling her tongue on his lips. âYou'reâŠâ He shook his head unable to focus, feeling Barbâs hands on his lap. He pulled her closer and tipped her head up, trying to get a look into the girl's eyes. âYou're the most beautiful girl here. Meg has to be crazy jealous of you.â
Barb stumbled onto the bed, pulling Gavin down with her and trying to claw his jacket off his shoulders. âGavin, youâve always been so amazing to me⊠I just. Fuck.â She sighed and unbuttoned his shirt, pushing her palm against the front of his slacks. âI want to be close to you.â Her voice was still a little slurred, so was Gavinâs. âI donât care what those idiots out there say, I want to do it. Now.â
Barb was looking at him, hazy eyed, wanting, touchy. Wherever he touched her, her body was curved and soft. Smelled like flowers. She was expecting so much from him and Gavin was trying not to throw up.
Gavin couldn't handle the feeling of Barbara's warm palm against his cock through his slacks. Gavin's head was spinning and everything felt like it was happening too fast. Gavin unzipped the girls dress and ran his shaking fingers down her back. He pressed his lips back against Barbâs as he tried to get her out of her dress. Gavin had never thought about fucking his best friend before, but now that it was going to happen he wanted it more now than ever.
âDo you have something?â She was asking all these questions and Gavin felt his dick being pulled out of his boxers, then he wasnât thinking anything. He was drunk and it felt good when she touched him. Her pink dress was pushed up over her stomach, and then he was clutching to find the condoms in his dadâs jacket.
Gavin pulled a condom out of the pocket and handed it to her. âSh-Shit, BarbâŠâ He hissed out his breath and climbed over her. Once she had the condom over him, he tried to shakily get into position. Gavin pulled the jacket off along with his green dress shirt. âAre you sure?â he asked as he pulled the girl's panties off her legs and tossed them behind him. Gavin touched the girl, feeling her smooth skin, and the warmth radiating from her made his cock twitch. He gently rub against her entrance and licked his lips.
âY-Yeah, just do it. I want you to be my first.â She ran her hands through Gavinâs hair, pulling him down for a drunk, wet kiss. A few of their classmates were high-fiving the door in encouragement. âPlease, I want you to.â She tugged Gavin closer, tuning out the noise was easy when she felt this buzzed and excited.
Gavin kissed the girl's neck as he pushed into her. He didn't want to hurt her so he went slow, gently rocking inward. âOh fuck⊠D-Does it hurt?â He asked softly as he ran his fingers through the girl's hair and her neck. Gavin moaned against the Barbâs lips and kissed her heatedly as he pushed into her until he was fully sheathed.
Barbâs brow furrowed in discomfort but she shook her head. âI-Itâs not that bad. Iâm okay.â She was suddenly hit with what they were really doing, the importance of it. Gavin would always be her first. She kissed him harder and pulled him close down against her. âK-Keep going.â
Meg shooed the people away from the floor, pissed off and wanting to get more beer, she went back downstairs.
Gavin pressed closer down against her as he slowly and shallowly thrust in and out of the girl. âF-Fuck BarbâŠâ he gasped and kissed, biting gently at her neck. âBarbara, fuck. You feel so good. D-Does it feel good?â
âY-Yeah, it does kinda. Weird,â she panted. âKeep moving though.â She craved something about the movement, wanted more, but her head was spinning again and she could hear their classmates dancing and hollering in the hallway outside.
Gavin ran his fingers down to the girl's breasts and squeezed them lightly, not sure what to do. âI-Is it weird? Do you want me to stop?â He asked and made Barb look at him. Gavin stopped moving as he felt himself get close. He ground into Barbara and reached down to rub between her legs, pressing unsure kisses to the girlâs lips.
Barb shifted around underneath him, nodding a little bit. âI-Itâs okay, I feel kind of sick. Thatâs enough, just get off.â She put her hand over her mouth suddenly, pushing Gavin away and stumbling off the bed. She ran into the adjoining bathroom and immediately threw up into the toilet, the sound of her throwing up made Gavin ill too.
Gavin got off the bed and ran into the washroom. He threw up in the sink and looked down at Barb. âYou okay?â He asked as he pulled her hair back. She was dry heaving and Gavin bit his bottom lip. This wasnât super romantic. Gavin pulled the condom off his cock and tossed it in the toilet, then tucked himself back into his pants. âI'm sorryâŠâ He said softly and kneeled down beside the girl, and rubbed her back as he rest his head on her shoulder.
Barb clutched her stomach and shook her head. âI-Itâs my dumb fault. I shouldnât have drank so muchâŠâ she groaned and wiped her mouth off with toilet paper. âIâm sorry. This is so not sexy⊠Can you drop me off at home, please?â She flushed the condom and bile down the toilet, Gavin helped her off the bathroom floor and they washed their faces off with a damp towel.
âUh, yeah, Iâll call us a taxi⊠Letâs get the fuck out of here.â He found Barbâs shoes and panties on the floor, giving them back to her. She took them looking embarrassed and almost mortified that sheâd thrown herself at Gavin like that so easily.
Gavin bit his bottom lip and nodded. âOkay. Let's go. I'm sorry about everything. I shouldâve said no.â Gavin sighed and walked with her down the stairs and they went outside, walking past all the smokers. âWe can just walk if you want? It's not too far.â
Gavin felt fucking stupid too, he felt disgusting, disgusted with himself. He shouldn't have taken advantage from Barb, even if he was drunk off his ass and he was feeling worse and worse about it. It didn't feel right, he just wanted to get home and forget about this. He knew Barb wouldn't and he almost wished she would.
âYeah, thatâs fine,â she mumbled. âIâm not feeling as sick now⊠Um, do you want to sleep over or anything? I feel like Iâm supposed to ask that.â
Gavin stuffed his hands into his pockets. âOh, donât worry about it, Iâve got to get some work done before tomorrow. We should just sleep off the alcoholâŠâ
Barbara nodded and leaned against his side, trying to act the way she assumed heâd want. âIâm sorry we didnât, I donât know, really finish I guess. I know it isnât supposed to feel that great your first time.â She still felt an edge of pain even with the alcohol.
Gavin wrapped his arm around her waist as they walked. âIt's fine. No big deal, Barb. Really,â he sighed softly. âHopefully you'll be okay tomorrow. I don't want you to regret whatever just happened.â He pulled her closer as the cold wind picked up. âDid you at least have fun?â
Barb smiled a little and rested her head on Gavinâs shoulder. âI wonât regret it⊠I hope you donât think less of me. But I wonât regret it.â They staggered their way out of Megâs neighborhood, stopping by Barbaraâs house first. The lights were still on, her parents kept the door unlocked until she got home. âGod, canât believe theyâre still up. Hopefully itâs just the lights.â She huffed and walked up to the doorstep, kissing Gavin unexpectedly on the lips. âSee you tomorrow at Church?â
Gavin nodded loosely. âI don't think any less of you.â He kissed Barb back, pressing his lips gently to hers. âI'll see you tomorrow.â Gavin waited for her to be inside before he left. He didn't really wanna go home, didn't really wanna do anything, and didn't wanna talk to his parents if they were still up.
Gavin barely remembered getting home but he managed to slip into the house unnoticed. It took him all of 2 seconds to pass out on his bed, numbing out his thoughts. The next morning his thoughts were a buzz though, and crippled by a hangover.
When he first opened his eyes, the sunlight made him want to puke. He had sobered up but his body felt toxic and his stomach was brewing with nausea. He wasnât a virgin anymore? Not only had he had premarital sex, but it was with his best friend and they were both wasted. Was she his girlfriend now?
Gavin rubbed his eyes and sighed. He reached over and grabbed his phone off his bedside table to text Barb and ask her how she was feeling. He wanted to meet up and talk to her about everything. Gavin sat up and instantly felt dizzy. He laid back down in bed and stretched. Fuck he felt like fucking shit. What was he gonna say to Barb? He couldn't believe they had sex, and he didn't know what he was expecting. It felt good, he didn't regret it but he didn't exactly like it. Something about it didn't feel right.
Gavin showered in cold water, feeling unclean in more than one way though scrubbing soap on his skin didnât help but he kept trying. He didnât know why he felt so disgusting. Barb had texted him back by the time he stepped out of the shower, saying sheâd love to meet for coffee and breakfast at their favorite diner.
His mother had made him breakfast downstairs, he could smell it but he wasnât feeling hungry for either meal. âGavin, come down and eat before you need to go to Church!â his mother called from downstairs.
Gavin got dressed and walked down the stairs. He sat down in the kitchen, taking a sip of his coffee. His mom always made everything for him, and he chewed his bottom lip. âSmells good, mom.â He mumbled and scratched the back of his head. His mom set some food down in front of him and he picked at with with his fork. He didn't really feel hungry. âIâve actually got to meet with Barbara before Church. Project for school,â he lied. âIâll probably eat with her.â
âOh, okay, honey. You can spend some time with Barb, make sure you get to the Saturday mass on time though. Alright? I wanted to go out to the grocery store today anyway.â
Gavin stood up awkwardly and nodded, leaving the room before his dad came downstairs too and grabbing his bike out of the garage. It didnât take him long to peddle to the diner, where Barb was already waiting outside looking hungover and tired too.
Gavin locked his bike to the bike rack and walked over to her. âGood morning,â he greeted with a hug. âNot feeling too great? Me either.â He laughed and pulled the girl into the diner. They sat at a booth and Gavin ordered a cup of coffee to start.
âTell me about it. Orange juice, please.â The waitress left them and Barb grabbed his hand from across the table. âI had a lot of fun last night⊠From what I mostly remember.â She let out a small laugh. âI had a lot of fun with you, Gavin. Did you have fun?â She looked at him with her bright eyes, black mascara, and Gavin felt guilty. He had fun but he didnât want to do that again.
Gavin held her hand back, just feeling like that's what he should do. âI did have fun Barb.â He smiled softly and took a sip of his coffee as soon as it was set down in front of him by the waitress. âJust give us a minute to look through the menu, please and thank you.â He said to the waitress and looked back at Barb. Gavin didn't know what to say, he was so worried about her wanting to do stuff.
The two of them looked through the menu in a strange silence, the waitress eventually came back and took their well-thought out orders.
âSo, I'm not a huge fan of hangovers. Though the alcohol was fun⊠I guess we should talk about what happened? I don't regret it. It's different but it's you. And you know I love you,â she rambled.
Gavin nodded and bit his bottom lip. âI love you too. I don't regret what happened. I just don't want things to change between us.â He said softly and rubbed his thumb against the top of the girl's hand.
Barbâs gaze flickered at him and she nodded. âY-Yeah, that will work. I donât need things to change. Weâre fine how we are. If thatâs what you want.â The waitress came back with their food and Barb let go of his hand, smiling softly. âItâs such a relief to talk to you. Youâll be in Saturday Church today, right? Letâs hurry and eat so youâre not late.â
Gavin nodded. âYeah, I promised Father Ramsey I'd be at all the masses since I missed so many.â He felt rather guilty because he could tell Barb maybe wanted something else. Gavin started eating but slowed down, feeling a little awkward. âI'm sorry about everything,â he said after a minute of shoving pancakes into his mouth.
âItâs fine, Gavin,â Barb stopped him from saying anything else. âI donât want what you donât want. And I love our friendship the way it is.â She finished cutting up her omelet into small pieces. âYouâre much cuter when youâre smiling Gavin, you donât smile when youâre apologizing. Weâll go back to normal, okay?â
Gavin nodded and looked at Barb. âOkay. You're so amazing, yâknow that? A guy will fall in love with you one day, and treat you right.â He smiled as he poured more syrup on his pancakes. Gavin felt a little more relieved now, he just wasn't looking forward to going to church. He wanted to go back home and take a nap.
Barb smiled at him and squeezed his hand. âTo be honest, Iâm the one who feels a little guilty⊠I kind of just jumped you yesterday. I donât want to assume anything about you, but I feel like you didnât really enjoy it. And I just want you to know I support you.â She reached over and squeezed his arm, though Gavin was wildly put off by the remark. What did she mean by that? That he didnât enjoy sex? That Gavin wasnât normal? He felt a flare of anger and confusion simmer away his hunger, more than that he felt defensive. Gavin wasnât abnormal.
Gavin looked at Barb and frowned slightly. âWhat do you mean? Are you telling me Iâm weird?â he asked and poked at his pancakes. Gavin didnât know what the girl meant and now he was just pissed off. He knew what she was trying to say to him, but Gavin couldnât wrap his head around it. He picked up a small piece of his pancake and shoved it in his mouth, at least wanting to finish the food he bought.
âNevermind, Gavin. Iâm always here for you. Do you wanna come over for a sleepover after church? You can copy my homework.â
âYeah, whatever. I should probably get going. Itâll take me 15 to bike over there.â He put down enough cash to cover their bill. âIâll come over after church, okay?â
Gavin left the diner and got onto his bike. He made the trek uphill to the church and locked his bike to the outside lamp post. He stepped into the chapel towards the back to grab his robes, so heâd at least be prepared when the time came to walk up to the altar with the priest. Gavin didn't feel right about being here and he wished he was still at home in bed.
Father Ramsey was in his back office sorting through the ministryâs mail when he heard Gavin in the altar backrooms. âGavin?â He took off his dainty reading glasses and got up. âGood morning, Gavin. Glad to see you here, though youâre a bit early.â The priest walked past him, finding his long priest robes to put over his shoulders. âI was just about to get ready myself.â
Gavin chuckled softly and nodded. âIt's okay. I was having breakfast with Barb. Had a long night last night... Just really tired.â Gavin said softly as he ran his fingers through his hair and tugged lightly at the ends. âConfusing night.â
âAh, I see. You know I do confessions on Saturday. Bound by the covenant to keep confessions private, if youâd like to confess before the service starts⊠it often helps me feel better when Iâm feeling lost.â Geoff rolled up his cuff links, then rolled them back down one to cover an unhidden tattoo heâd forgotten was there.
Gavin bit his bottom lip. âI don't know. I don't even know if a confession would help. I think I just need some more sleep, maybe. I don't know what I want anymore.â He felt like he wasn't himself, like something was off or his skin didnât fit him. Maybe he shouldn't have drank as much as he did, maybe he shouldn't have fucked Barbara or turned her down like that. She was just doing what was expected of her. He sighed and pulled on his hair roughly. He felt so damn stupid, then Geoff put his palm on his shoulder.
Geoffâs palm on his shoulder was warm, almost melting. It felt like no one had really touched his shoulder until right then. âGavin⊠you seem very troubled. Iâm a priest, Iâm here to bridge the gap between God and your short comings. Everyone feels like they come up short sometimes⊠Just let me know if thereâs something I can do to help.â He took his palm off Gavinâs shoulder and stepped away to sort through the bible readings he wanted to get through today, though the second it was gone his shoulder felt colder than it had ever felt without that warmth.
Gavin turned to look at Geoff. âI don't even know where to begin. But the thing that's bugging me most is, last night at the party Barbara and I got drunk. Yeah, I know underage drinking. But then⊠We kinda had sex. And yes again, I know premarital sex, blah blah! But I don't know⊠I didn't like it. Is that how it's supposed to work? Like it didn't feel great, it made me sick actually. Am I just fucked up? Am I a faggot? I don't know what Iâm supposed to think, Geoff.â
Geoff took a seat on the coffee table, digesting what heâd been told and wringing his fingers. âYou know I canât encourage that behavior or that language⊠but youâre in charge of your own body. Itâs a gift from God and youâre in charge of it.â He glanced over at Gavin then down at his fingers. âI think for a boy your age, finding answers in sex will lead to dissatisfaction. Especially if you arenât ready for it. As a priest, Iâd say you probably crave more purpose than alcohol and sex. And God would give that to you. As myself⊠Iâd say perhaps youâre just not ready for that experience. Nothingâs wrong with you. I had sex at a premature age too⊠and it never left a good feeling for me either.â
Gavin sat on the chair and sighed. âI know Father. I'm sorry, I don't mean to swear. Not like it's really that bad. ButâŠâ He sighed and shook his head. âNow Barb wants to be more than friends I think and I'm not really comfortable with that. I love her to death but I don't want anything to change.â Gavin ran his fingers through his hair like he was trying to scratch the thoughts out of his head. âGeoff I'm just⊠Not even confused, I feel lost. Like I don't know, my mom is babying me still, my dad won't look at me.â
âYouâre on the right path, though,â Geoff said to him. It took Gavin off guard. No one had ever told him he was at least in the right direction. âThatâs more than what I can say for when I was your age⊠Youâre in the Church, confessing to a priest and worried for your discretions. God will always forgive that, Gavin. Youâve already dealt with enough, in my own opinion, I canât see why youâd be punished any more⊠God has plans for you. Good ones, I know that.â
Gavin bit his bottom lip and sighed softly. âObviously God doesn't think the same way you do. But I guess weâll see. I'm just not⊠I feel like everything's falling apart. My mom and dad barely talk, my dad hates me. Most of the kids at school hate me and think I'm a fag. I'm behind on my homework. Everything feels like too much.â He didn't even want to look at the priest, he didn't know why he could say all this stuff to him but not to anyone else, he opened himself up to the priest. Gavin didn't really like it.
âGod brought you here, at least. And Iâm really happy to have met a kind kid like you.â Gavin didnât know why but he also didnât like being called a kid. âGod wonât abandon you⊠not when youâre feeling lost. Iâm sure youâre not, um, gay. As long as you feel close to the church and God, you wonât be lead to sin.â
Gavin didn't quite understand what Geoff was saying about being close to the church and he wouldn't be gay. But he nodded and sighed softly. âOkay, but it feels like he's already abandoned me.â Gavin mumbled and stretched. âI'm sorry. Enough about me⊠How have you been?â Gavin didn't know why he was so drawn to the priest's presence.
Geoff looked like he didn't know what to say for a moment, as if he hadn't checked in with himself in a while about how he was doing. âMe? Oh, I've been alright⊠This lifestyle is slow paced. Sometimes it gets a bit boring between services, I ought to get a cat or something.â He laughed. âOh no, that's sad. I guess I thought I'd get accustomed to the quiet life. I've been fine though,â he cut the topic short like he didn't want to ponder it further.
Gavin chuckled softly and shook his head. âMaybe you should get a cat. Then you would have some company all the time.â Gavin smiled as he stretched and stood up. Gavin wanted the service to be done with, he wanted to go home collect his things and try to catch up with his homework.
Geoff smiled a little. âI'll think about it. Alright, I hear some people starting to linger outside, I'll start the confessions.â He got up and left Gavin there in the altar boy room, Gavin could watch as he crossed into the church into the shielded confessionals. He closed the door behind him and the first elderly lady walked into the other stall.
The choir started to sing at the front of the chapel as Gavin leaned against the wall quietly watching the people filter in.
Gavin watched as his mom walked in and to her usual spot up front. Ever since Gavin had started serving she sat right at the front so she could watch him. She was so proud of him. Gavin didn't feel any better even after talking to Father Ramsey. But hopefully this feeling would pass and he would find his path in life.
He had to find it somehow. The service was quiet and ended a few minutes early due to the amount of people present. Gavin walked the crucifix down the aisle and blew out all the candles once people were starting to leave, and his mother drove him home.
When school resumed Monday, Gavin was expecting his life to fall back into normalized chaos. He had spoken with Barbara a couple times the previous day but he was still stressed about their current standing, though part of that stress dissipated when he realize Michael was absent in school for the second week in a row and the students were starting to talk.
Gavin liked not having Michael around, no one teased or provoked him without the ringleader. He made it through the week without any hiccups. He was talking to Barb but it still felt like something between them was awkward.
Gavin was sitting in his room with Barbara working on their English homework Friday after school when the phone rang, and his mother told him it was for him. âWho calls me on the house phone?â he mumbled and walked down the stairs. He took the phone from his mom. âHello?â
âGavin?â he recognized Father Ramseyâs voice. âIâm sorry to be calling you at home, I didnât know quite how else to contact you. Or rather, if I should. A strange case has come up to the Catholic Church in our town, coincidentally to me also⊠The student who helped put you in the hospital, heâs been sick, ill. I think itâs better if you come to the church to talk about it.â
Born Sick - Chapter 4
Gavin woke the next morning at 8:30. He rolled over and hissed at the sharp pain that shot down his thigh. âFuckâŠâ He pulled the towel off but it was like almost part of his skin now. He yanked it off and almost cried. It was a tearing pain. He'd have to take care of this right away. He stood and grabbed a pair of pajama pants and walked to the bathroom down the hall from his room. He would bandage it all up and pretend like nothing happened.
He jumped into the shower before he started bleeding through his pajama pants, and he threw the pajamas into the hamper. Warm water hit his skin and made him curl over, melting the black blood on his thigh. Why did he fuck himself up this much?
He washed his hair, gingerly putting soap on the cut wounds and making them new again. It hurt so much he was starting to feel faint, but he managed to get out of the shower and put a new towel on his wounds.
Gavin dried his hair and sighed. Why did he have to do this all the time? He felt like shit and wanted to crawl back in bed and sleep forever. Gavin cleaned the new wounds and the old ones. He put more bandages on and wrapped a towel around his waist to walk back to his room. He got dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a baggy sweater.
Downstairs he found his mother making some pancakes, his father was sitting silently at the table brooding as he read the newspaper. Gavin felt like he hadnât seen his father in months, and the man wouldnât even look at him on Christmas morning.
âMerry Christmas.â His mother smiled and put out some sugar cookies and pancakes for Gavin on a plate, though her smile looked a more uncomfortable and phony than heâd ever seen. âYou can sit at the counter here. We couldnât afford a bunch of presents this year but there are still some things I hope youâll like⊠Then we can go to Church tonight.â
Gavin couldnât, he couldnât bring himself to face Geoff after the thoughts he was having.
Gavin shook his head. âI'm not feeling well enough to go to church. I think in coming down with a cold,â he mumbled as he picked up a sugar cookie and took a bite. âMerry Christmas dadâŠâ Gavin said as he poured syrup onto his pancakes. Gavin fucking hated this, he wished his father would've beaten him senseless, or enough to kill him. It been too long already and Gavin just wanted to not feel anything.
âAw, are you sure, honey? No doubt Father Ramsey will need some help in the Church today of all days⊠Do you need to go to the doctor?â She leaned across the counter to feel his forehead with the back of her hand. âI guess I can tell the Father you werenât feeling well enough to make it. You should still probably be resting.â She glanced at her husband, who still wasnât bothering to say something. âJust eat and you can go back upstairs.â
âOkay⊠thanks mom. Tell Father Ramsey I'm so sorry.â Gavin said softly and ate his pancakes. His father wouldn't look at him, or even talk to him. Gavin wanted to cry, he almost wanted to go to church to be away from his father. âWe'll open gifts when you come home right?â He asked softly as he ate slowly, not really wanting his mom to leave him alone with his dad.
âOf course, sweetheart.â She could tell what he was doing and her smile somehow seemed to soften. âYou can just put a movie on and relax in the living room until weâre back. First Church service is in half an hour⊠Alright, Henry?â
He mumbled something and nodded his head. âYeah.â
Gavin nodded and helped his mother do the dishes before they had to go. Gavin walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. He flipped through the channels and tensed up when his father came into the living room. Gavin handed his the remote and his father yanked it from his hands. Gavin didn't wanna be anywhere near this man.
âYou need to start shaping up your act around here, Gavin.â He turned on some football channel to check the score
âYouâll grow up to be a proper man. Like my father before me.â Gavin didnât want to fucking hear it.
âHenry.â His mother approached the doorway. âLetâs go to Church now. Leave him to rest.â
He hesitated but got up, tossing the remote back down on the couch. âFine, letâs go.â They put on their jackets and left out the garage, leaving Gavin to change the channel and sleep.
Gavin slept the entire time his parents were gone. Gavin was woken up by his mom, and his father sat down in his chair and changed the channel back to the football game. Gavin sat on the edge of the couch farthest away from his dad. He wanted nothing to do with any of these people. His father fucking hated him, and he just wanted to sink back into the couch and disappear.
Christmas was uncomfortable, awkward. They barely talked and him and his mother didn't speak much to Henry. It looked like his mother was just trying to forget what happened, and something about that bothered Gavin. Gavin didn't want to think about it but he didn't exactly want to forget it happened.
After Christmas dinner, he spent the night in his room. His father spent it in his own, and his mother stayed downstairs to keep herself occupied somehow.
The next Sunday didn't go well either, it was the Sunday before school resumed and Gavin was sick with stress. He didn't want to see Michael or any of his classmates besides Barbara again, and when his mother asked him to come to Church he made up an excuse of a stomach ache to get her to leave him alone.
âFather Ramsey needs you as altar boy, Gavin, I think it's enough that you missed Christmas mass. Heâll think you don't want to serve anymore,â she said softly.
âI'm just not feeling good mom. I'm sorry. Tell Father Ramsey I'm sorry.â Gavin mumbled and curled up in his bed and sighed. âMy stomach's killing me and I'm feeling nauseous.â Gavin mumbled and turned away from his mom. Gavin knew his mother would be pissed at him for a little while but he couldn't face Geoff. He didn't even want to go school tomorrow, he knew he'd be treated differently.
For the second week he left Geoff hanging to conduct mass on his own like he did many times before, though he didn't know the priest was feeling more alone in his chapel than he ever did before. The Church was supposed to be his refuge, but he found himself missing the company of his altar boy doing homework in the pews between each service.
The third Sunday, Gavin ditched again by sleeping over with Barb after a week of keeping his head down at school and trying to go by unnoticed. His bruises were about healed now but he knew his classmates were constantly talking about the speculation of his hospital stay.
On the phone with his mother, Gavin sat in Barbaraâs bed fidgeting with his overdue homework.
âFather Ramsey asked after you this morning, Gavin. He asked if you were still interested in serving,â she sounded dismal over the phone. âHe wanted to apologize if he said anything on Christmas Eve that upset you or diminished your interest in chapel.â
Gavin sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. âNo, I'm just really busy with catching up with homework. I'll see what I can do about next weekend. Exams are coming up too, mom. I'm sorry.â He sighed again and laid back in Barbara's bed. He kinda missed the priest and being able to go there whenever he wanted. âI can stop by and talk to Father Ramsey if you want to.â
âIt might be a good idea, sweetheart,â she replied. âI donât want him to get the wrong idea about us. The Church is all we have in life, you know. It goes beyond life. Father Ramsey thinks weâre still good people now but I donât want him to doubt our family.â
Barb jumped on the bed with a bowl of popcorn and pushed it onto Gavinâs lap. âStill on phone with mom?â she asked in a hushed voice.
âI know you donât want another lecture about the importance of Church. I just want to take care of my boy,â she finished.
Gavin sighed softly. âI know mom. I'll stop by on my way home from school.â He said softly. âI don't think Father Ramsey is like that. But I can go see him after school.â Gavin said softly as he ran his fingers through his hair and tugged lightly. He knew his mom was pissed off at him, but he just couldn't do it. He couldn't go and see the man, he was obviously attracted to him because he was the first person in life to care about him besides his mom.
âAlright, Gavin. I'll see you Monday after school. Have fun with Barbara, love you.â
âLove you too.â She hung up and Gavin sprawled out on the bed, almost knocking the popcorn bowl over.
âHey!â Barb grabbed it and laughed. âWhat did she want?â
âTo complain about me ditching church.â He sighed and curled up on Barbâs bed. âI'm so annoyed. Why does mom have to make me feel like that? I have so much work to do.â Gavin mumbled and grabbed a handful of popcorn. âMaybe this was a bad idea. I hate when she bitches at me like this. âCause it makes me feel awful.â
âCâmon, I'll get my homework out so you can copy it and stop stressing! It'll take some pressure off at least.â She plumaged around for her notebooks and folder on the floor. âAnd you can copy as we watch Star Wars.â She smiled brightly and turned on the DVD player. âYou love that shit.â
Gavin smiled back and nodded. âThat sounds perfect. I just feel⊠I don't know, like I'm the cause of my dad's drinking and I know he hates me. And my mom babies me a lot. It's like two drastic parenting styles.â He moved to lay on his stomach so he could copy Barbâs notes. âThanks for being here for me.â
âNo problem,â she answered and laid on her stomach next to Gavin. âI know your parents give you so much shit. You donât deserve it, Gav. Youâve been through enough, yâknow? Just find something that comforts you and dig your nails into it, donât let it go. Thatâs what my mom says.â Barb turned on the movie, taking another fistfull of popcorn to leave Gavin to think about what comforted him. He knew he was fucked when he thought of one thing that did.
Gavin laid his head on Barbâs shoulder and sighed. The only thing that comforted him was something he didn't want. Gavin knew he'd be beaten up of anyone found out what he thought about.
~ ~ ~
Gavin spent his weekend working on his homework and playing video games with Barb. Monday morning he definitely didn't want to go back to school. Michael hadn't bothered him, but he hadn't let himself be alone. Gavin sighed softly as he sat on the bench in gym class. School was almost done, and everything was going well. Then he had to go talk to Father Ramsey. He didn't really want to, he just wanted to go home and nap.
Michael and the other boys in gym class were playing dodge ball, nailing each other as hard as they could. Gavin wasnât paying attention because he didnât want to participate, but it was hard to ignore when Michael chucked a red rubber ball at his face.
It hit him in his still bruised nose and he curled over, cursing and clutching his nose. âWhat the fuck!â he yelled and the gym teacher blew the whistle at his language.
âFoul ball!â Michael laughed and smacked the hands of one of his friends.
âHe threw a dodgeball at my face!â
âGet in the game, Free, you wouldnât have been hit if you were actually participating in class,â the teacher responded, blowing the whistle again.
Gavin bit his bottom lip and didn't move. âI have a headache.â He mumbled and rubbed his nose lightly. He fucking hated Michael, he wished he would just go and die in a ditch. Gavin didn't want to participate with that fucking asshole aiming at him.
âFree! Off your butt and get in the game now! Or would you like to fail?â the teacher threatened.
Gavin sighed heavily and stood walking onto the court. He stood in the back and tried to not get hit. Michael and his friends were aiming for him, and Gavin had to jump and duck so he didn't get hit in the face again.
When a ball rolled over to the floor and another one almost pelted his shoulder, Gavin got so mad that he threw the ball as hard as he could. Michael turned his face to catch a glimpse of it right before he smacked him in the cheek, hard enough to knock his head to the side and leave a big circular red mark.
âIâll fucking kill you!â he snapped and crossed the centerline, going onto the opposite teamâs court so he could run towards Gavin.
âBoys, boys, boys!â their teacher shouted and blew the shrill whistle once, twice. âOff the court, get out, now! Hit the showers you two!â
Gavin looked at the teacher. âJust me and him?!â Gavin wasn't not going into the showers alone. There was no way! Michael would beat him up again, and this was not what he wanted.
âYes, go cool off and get ready for your next class while the rest of the class plays the rest of this gameâ
Gavin made his way towards the door to the changing room and sat by his bag. He didn't really need to shower.
âWhat afraid I'll steal your clothes again?â Michael spat as he walked into the locker room. âDo you know how much trouble I got in? They said I almost gave you brain damage, I didn't beat you up that hard!â He kicked Gavin's duffle bag away from him. âWho else fucking beat you? You blamed me for the entire thing but I know I didn't break your stupid big nose!â
âYou did break my nose!â Gavin huffed and bit the inside of his cheek. âYou deserve whatever you got because of what you did, I got it a hundred times worse! You fucking ruined everything by lying and saying I came onto you! I did nothing like that. So how about you fuck off.â
âAs if you aren't a faggot, I can smell it on you. You look much better with a bashed in face!â He took a step forward, grabbing a fistful of Gavinâs shirt. âThe police came to my house after you went to the hospital! There was no way I did that! You're a lying fag!â
Gavin pushed at Michaelâs chest. âFuck off! You deserve everything you got! I hope you have a fucking juvenile record! You fucking cock sucking faggot.â Gavin shoved Michael again. âGet the fuck away from me!â
Michael wouldn't take another push, he pushed Gavinâs head into the lockers with a metallic klunk. Gavin found back but his ears were ringing and he still wasn't fully healed from his father. His body fucking hurt and he couldn't believe he was already in this situation again on Othe first day back in classes.
âI'll fucking beat the shit outta you! You wanna see brain damage?!â
The coach heard the commotion and ran into the locker room quicker this time, only giving the boys enough room to get in a few good hits. âBack off, back off! Do you two want to be expelled?!â He grabbed Gavinâs collar and yanked him backward.
Gavin was shaking. âI didn't do anything!â Gavin shook free of the coachâs grasp. âI'm gonna go take a shower. You won't care what I have to say anyway.â Michael had got a good hit on him, his eye still hadn't fully healed eye and he knew it was going to be black again tomorrow. Gavin picked up his duffel bag and made his way towards the showers. He wanted to rinse off and get changed. He wanted to go home, or somewhere. Away from all this bullshit. He didn't understand why everyone fucking hated him.
Barbara picked him up in the hallway for study hall and lunch, though she looked appalled when she saw Gavin walk out of the gymnasium.
âGavin?! Jesus!â She ran over to him and took his arm, taking his duffle bag for him. âAre you okay? What the hell happened?â She dragged him out of the crowd of students who were all looking at them with prying eyes. âFuck off, get to class,â she muttered to them and walked Gavin into the library down the hall.
âWhat do you think happened? The fucking fag punisher got a good hit in.â Gavin huffed and held his nose with his palm. âWhy does everyone hate me? Like I'm so fucking annoyed.â Gavin plopped himself down on the couch behind the back bookcases. âKill me.â
âNo, Gav,â Barb sighed and sat down cross legged, facing him. âDo you want to skip and go home? Shit, I think your nose is bleedingâŠâ She moved Gavinâs hand to see his face. âI donât hate you, Gavin, Iâd bring you to the principal if he wouldnât take Michaelâs side.â She rubbed her face and wrapped an arm around Gavinâs shoulders, hugging him carefully. âWe shouldnât stay at school.â
âI have to. And I have to go fucking talk to Father Ramsey too. Like I've been laying low for three weeks. Now this?! I'm so sick of this bullshit.â Gavin huffed and rubbed his forehead. âI hate myself. I literally wish I could just fucking die.â Gavin bit his bottom lip and sighed resting his forehead on Barbâs shoulder.
She sighed and leaned back, continuing to comfort Gavin. âWeâll get through this, Gav, itâs fucking high school⊠This is supposed to be the days of our lives right? Some fucking Dawsonâs Creek shit?â He hadnât heard her curse this much ever. âWhy donât we just tell the nurse youâre going home sick and head to the chapel? Then you can get your meeting with Father Ramsey over with and weâll get some fast food after.â
Gavin shrugged and pressed his fingers against his eye. âI'm gonna have fucking brain damage, and my mom and dad will wonder what happened. Then what? Do I tell them I got beaten up again âcause Michaelâs trying to beat the fag outta me?!â he spat and pulled away from Barbra. âI just wanna leave. I don't wanna be in this school anymore.â
âI know, Gav. I donât get what they teach here, that itâs okay to perform hate crimes as long as itâs against someone assumed to be gay⊠Iâve never met a gay before but I thought the whole point of the Bible was to treat others how you want to be treated? Love thy neighbor? Itâs all horseshit. They barely punished Michael for what he did and Iâm sure heâd get away with it again⊠No one should be endorsing a school like this.â
Gavin smiled softly and leaned over to kiss Barbara's cheek. âThank you, Barb. I really appreciate you being here for me.â He stood up with an unbalanced swing. âI wanna leave this place. Maybe I do just really need to get out. And I have to go see Father Ramsey. I have to start helping him again at massesâŠâ
Barb smiled up at him mischievously. âYouâre right, the past couple masses have been so dull. Father Ramsey lectures on like a zombie when youâre not there, I donât know what it is.â She shrugged. âMakes it even more tempting to fall asleep when he looks like heâs barely thinking about what heâs saying. Do you want me to come? I could cover you in classes if you really wanna strand me here.â
Gavin looked at Barb and shook his head. âYes, come with me. Weâll go now. Mom is mad that I haven't gone to the masses.â He mumbled and stood up. âMy head hurts. Let's go, in case Michael decides to tattle on me.â He mumbled and took Barbâs hand and started walking towards the front doors. He didn't want to tell anyone how awful he felt.
The two of them snuck out through the back of the fences behind the trees. Then they walked along the sidewalk leading up to the chapel on the hill. The only person there at noon was Father Ramsey, he was sitting in his office going through some of the letters his ministry had been sending him.
Gavin walked into the church and looked at Barb. âWait here. I'll be back.â Gavin went to the back rooms of the quiet chapel. âHello Father,â he murmured and kept his head down, not waiting Geoff to see his black eye. âI'm sorry I've been missing masses, I've been behind in work. And just really busy. I'm sorry.â
The priest looked up from his letters with dainty glasses in front of his eyes. âOh, Gavin. Itâs so good to see                                                                                                       you.â He smiled and sat up, taking the glasses off. For some reason the priest looked so much more relieved than he was a moment ago. âNo need to apologize, I know your schoolwork must have beenâŠâ He trailed off, noticing the shadow under Gavinâs face and his newly reddened nose. âGavin, did something happen? What happened?â He got up and went over to the threshold, instinctively tipping Gavinâs head up to get a better look at his face.
Gavin looked at Geoff and sighed pulling away from Geoff slightly. âIt's fine, nothing serious.â He mumbled and bit his bottom lip. âYeah I've been really behind in my school work. I had weeks to make up.â Gavin mumbled. âI'm thinking of dropping out once I turn eighteen. Or getting moved to a different school. I can't take much more of this fucking bullshit!â
Geoff quietly tried to hush Gavin, taking a look at the awful bruise forming around the socket of his eye, like a crescent moon. âDon't say that, Gavin. Your classmates shouldn't be like this. But school is important for what you learn not who you meet there⊠I learned that the long way, so take my word on it. Sit down, do you need any ice for your eye?â His hand was warm on Gavinâs cheek and only when he noticed the warmth did Geoff quickly take his hand away. Suddenly the lack of warmth felt much colder on Gavinâs face now.
Gavin sighed softly and sat down. âIt was Michael. He told me I look better beaten up. And he said I got him into so much trouble. I don't care but he was pissed off and got one punch in.â Michael sighed and pulled at his hair. âGeoff I can't take this anymore. And I'm constantly worried my dadâs gonna beat me up too.â
Geoffâs brow furrowed in concern and he sat beside Gavin, looking towards the stained glass window. He didnât know why God let these things happen, but he had to have faith. He had to do what he could to protect Gavin. âIâm sorry, Gavin⊠You donât deserve this. Your father shouldnât lay another finger on you. He knows that I know⊠And I can talk to principal Haywood about Michael. Make him take it seriously. He at least respects me, and he'll make sure to keep Michael away from you. Will that be okay?â
Gavin sighed and shook his head. âIt won't work. Michael will tell everyone at school that I'm sucking your dick so that you would talk to the principal to tell him to leave me alone. Or I'm letting you fuck me, or something like that. And then he'd beat me up again cause I'm a faggot and sucking the priestâs dick.â He angrily ran a hand through his hair. âI'm not okay with that because everyone already thinks I'm a fucking faggot!â Gavin crossed his arms. âI don't need you to fight my battles for me⊠I'll just deal with it myself. Thank you for offering though.â
Geoff was stunned into silence at Gavinâs language, and the boy knew heâd overstepped his words if it turned a priest shy. âYou shouldnât talk like thatâŠâ he answered softly. âItâs not appropriate to say those things. Those wouldnât ever happen.â He got off the couch and went back behind his desk, like he was afraid to be seen to close to Gavin now. âYou know youâre not a homosexual. It doesnât matter what others think, Mr. Haywood trusts me. They know Iâm not a corrupt priest.â He shook his head, kind of embarrassed.
Gavin rested his hands knotted up on his lap. âDo what you want but I know exactly what's going to happen, and I just told you. You'll see less people on Sunday's, and I'll be coming to church with more fucking bruises from Michael and my father. âCause he'll find out.â Gavin stood and walked towards the door. âThis is why I didn't wanna be an altar server in the first place. I'm not right for the job, my mouth is too foul and my reputation at school doesnât help. I'll just ruin yours. But I'll see you next mass since I know you're struggling.â
Father Ramsey leaned back in his leather chair, letting out a tense sigh. âWait.â Geoff didnât know what for but his emotions were in turmoil being unable to help, he had to say something or heâd be in tangles until the next time he saw Gavin. âI wonât do something thatâll end up getting you hurt⊠I donât want any more hand in that. Maybe if we both lay low, it will blow over. The kids at school will find a new runt. I want you as my altar server because youâre an honest kid⊠Just call on me if youâre ever in trouble.â
Barbara peered down the right wing of the chapel, where the backstages were connected and Gavin was hovering by the threshold as Ramsey spoke. âGav? You about ready?â
Gavin nodded and smiled at the priest. âOkay, thank you Father. I'll see you Saturday...â he said in a soft voice, then left the room, walking over to Barb. âOkay let's go.â Gavin grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the church. âOkay where do you wanna go?â Gavin asked as he let go of the girl's arm.
âDo you wanna go to a fast food joint? I took some of my momâs money this morning.â She pulled out a small bundle of cash with a beam. âYou've done enough fucking school work for the rest of the month, probably more than I have. We should eat and catch a movie downtown. What were you talking about with Father Ramsey back there?â
Gavin smiled and leaned in to give the girl a kiss on her cheek. âYes, that sounds like such a good plan.â He smiled wider. âWell, he noticed my black eye and asked if he wanted him to talk Principle Haywood about Michael. I told him that it wouldn't work âcause Michael would just say Iâm sucking his dick, or letting him fuck me. I think I made Father Ramsey a little embarrassed.â
âYou said that to a priest!â Barbara nearly curled over laughing. âWhat color did his face turn? Father Ramsey seems like he really gives a shit, at least. He visited you in the hospital a bunch of times, right? Iâm jealous, I wish I could be an altar boy with a priest like that.â She snorted and locked her elbow in Gavinâs, glancing at him. âDo you like hanging out with him?â
âHe went fucking bright red! I felt bad a little âcause I made him speechless.â Gavin nodded as they walked along the sidewalk. âHe seems to be the only one who gives a shit, besides you. And I'm sure you would. He's a little old for you though, don't you think?â Gavin smirked. âIf you were his altar boy would you jerk off to the thought of him?â Gavin teased and tugged her closer. âI don't mind him company. He's really nice.â
âOh god, if I had a dick, Iâd jerk off to any guy half as hot,â Barb laughed loudly as they walked down the sidewalk. âAre you half as hot? Hm,â she fake pondered. âDonât know âbout that one. Heâs a bit old but itâs kinda hot, right? The forbidden fruit! Iâve never seen him talk to someone the way he does to you though. I wonder why.â They neared a small dinner on the outskirts of the downtown, a burger and fry joint. âHere, here!â
Gavin stopped walking and looked at Barb. âC'mon! We both know I'm like half as hot if not closer. And don't get your hopes up for that priest dick. I doubt he'd fuck anything. He's devoted to God.â Gavin chuckled and pulled Barbara close and spun her around. âI don't know why he talks to me the way he does. I have no idea. It's nice to have an adult that actually cares about me though.â He said before pulling the girl into the diner.
âYeah especially with your parentsâŠâ Barb found them a booth in the back and ordered a milkshake and sodas when the waitress first came over. âCan we get that breakfast buffet special still? We havenât eaten all day.â
âComing right up!â
âMy mom will treat us to something nice,â she exclaimed with a smile. âYeah, I donât get how priests can go their whole life without sex? I mean, Iâve never done it either but thatâs what everyone talks about. Even in Catholic school⊠I donât know if Iâd ever want to do it though, not with the things that can go wrong. The nurse was telling us about a girl who had premarital sex, a condom got lodged, like, inside her and gave her cancer! And then the whole, burn in hell deal.â
Gavin scrunched up his nose and shook his head. âThat sounds awful. But maybe that guy thought he had a bigger dick than he really did.â He chuckled. âI don't think condoms are just gonna slip off. That's not how they're used.â Gavin stretched and groaned softly. âI'll never understand why we can't have sex before marriage. Am I going to just burst into flames? You're not supposed to jerk off, but I'm still alive.â
âYouâre so crude!â Barb laughed harder. âHow would you know how to work a condom? Have you even ever seen one in real life? I doubt it! Yâknow Meg? Sheâs having a party this Friday since her parents are out of town. I kinda wanted to go but didnât want to go alone.â She took the soda once it was set down on the table, looking a little more awkward now.
Gavin smiled softly and nodded. âMegâs having a party? I'll go with you! And I have so seen a condom in real life!â he hissed and took a sip of his Coke. âI'm crude and you love it. Don't lie to me.â He laughed and shook his head. âI can't wait to see the movie. I haven't done something fun like this in a while.â
âYeah, âcause you either been locked up in the hospital or locked up in the bible study that is your household!â The waitress put a vanilla milkshake between them and Barb stole the cherry with a smile. âYou deserve a break⊠One not in your nose.â She frowned. âDoes your face hurt? Starting to forget what you looked like without yellow and purple patches. Thereâs some alien movie out thatâll cheer you up for sure.â
Gavin smiled and nodded. âYeah I know. I hate looking in the mirror and seeing all these bruises. But that sounds good. I'd love that.â Gavin smiled wider and sipped on the milkshake. âThanks for being here for me Barb, I appreciate what you've done for me this past month.â Gavin didn't know how to repay her, he appreciated her so much.
âI'll always be here for you, Gavin,â she replied. âYou'd do the same for me in a heartbeat. Thanks for coming to the party with me, I didn't wanna show up at Megâs place looking like a loser. She has all the cool people falling all over her⊠I don't know how she does it.â Barbara wasn't unpopular at their school, she was pretty, blond hair, blue eyes, big smile, but no one really drew attention like Meg did. She was the first in their grade to need a training bra, and of course the first to get an underline bra. She dyed her hair candy red, even the male teachers enjoyed having her in class too much. Barbara sometimes wondered what it was like to be such a commodity. âWhatever, fucking high school is stupid.â
âYou'll never be a loser, or look like one. I get, she's pretty, but I don't know. She's super shallow, do you really wanna be someone like her?â Gavin asked softly as he ran his fingers through his hair. âI wouldn't worry about it. She's nothing special.â He smiled and moved back when their food came. âMegâs just popular by reputation. I've heard she's slept with a lot of the guys in older grades.â
Barb sighed a little and shrugged, smiling at Gavin. âYeah well you're not so much of a loser either. I don't want to be like her, I guess, maybe I just want the approval. She invited me to her party and I felt like I was talking to a celebrity.â She rolled her eyes at herself and bit into the food. âWhatever, I don't want to talk about her. I just want to eat and watch an alien movie.â So they did.
The two of them didn't arrive home until late after 5pm by the time the movie was done. Gavin couldn't be late to the first mass he told Geoff he'd attend.
Gavin changed out of his school uniform and into some jeans and sweater. He was ready to go early and he just wished he'd didnât have to attend mass. It was annoying, and Geoff made him uncomfortable. Gavin just wanted to play video games all night long.
âReady mom.â Gavin mumbled as he came down the stairs. âWhy is there a mass almost every night? Isn't it supposed to be only weekends?â
âMass is held every night,â his mother corrected him. âMany people go daily. Especially elderly, your grandmother used to go to mass every morning to start off the day. We ought to learn a bit from their dedication.â She lightly pushed Gavin out the door, unlocking the car. âShe said it was the only thing that brought her peace after your grandpa died. Get in, get in. Do you not like going to mass at all?"
âNo, it's just why is there mass every night? Why? It's the same stuff over and over. I'm tired of going all the time. Like why can't it be just on Saturday's and Sundays?â Gavin got into the car and buckled. âIt's okay I guess, it helps out Father Ramsey. Gets us outta the house too.â Gavin smiled softly.
She squeezed her sonâs knee and started driving towards the chapel. âSome people like to give thanks to God everyday, unlike us,â she laughed lightly. âBut I do like going to see you. Make sure you don't fall behind on your schoolwork while you manage this, though.â
When they neared the chapel, they saw Father Ramsey in the garden area, bending down to water the flowers with a sprinkler pale.
Gavin nodded and ran his fingers through his hair. âI know. That's why I had missed almost three weeks. I had to catch up,â he said as he got out of the car. Gavin stayed close to his mom not really wanting to talk to Father Ramsey. Especially after what he had said to him this afternoon.
For a split second Father Ramsey looked happily surprised to see him through the car window, though that just made him more guilty. A part of it felt good though, to see Geoff smile when he saw him. It made his lips quirk up into a smile and his stomach coal, though he quickly squashed that down.
âI know, honey, youâre doing good. Iâll be back by time for chapel. Okay?â She unlocked the doors and let Gavin get out, ready to leave him alone there.
âHey, Gavin,â the priest greeted, still standing in the garden area. âNice to see you.â
Gavin smiled softly. âHello Father. Nice to see you too.â He stood on the sidewalk by the front entrance. âDidn't know you'd be working in the garden. Didn't know you could garden.â He laughed softly and watched his mom drive off and suddenly he didn't feel quite as confident anymore.
âAh, yeah. Someone has to. Priests end up with a lot of free time, apparently.â Geoff didnât look too comfortable either, he didnât know why, but even though he kept glancing at Gavin he wouldnât go within 5 feet of him. âDid you bring any homework? Iâm sure you remember how the typical mass goes. Youâll have a couple hours to reflect in the chapel.â He smiled politely and stepped out onto the pathway, making sure not to step on any of the flower beds. He also pulled his gloves off and put them in his pocket. âI was just finishing out here, the choir and some visitors from the nursing home are here for confessionsâŠâ
They stepped inside to find some sparse people in the pews, the first elderly woman was kneeling in front of the confessional. âYou can wait in the backrooms or with the choir.â
Gavin smiled softly. âOkay, I didn't bring homework âcause I've finished it all. I can just play on my phone until the service.â He said as he followed Geoff into the church. âI'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable earlier. That wasn't my intention, but that's what Michael would say. I don't know what it is about me that he doesn't like but it's annoying.â Gavin mumbled as he bit his bottom lip. âIt's fine. I'm sorry, okay?â
Father Ramsey shook his head. âYou don't need to curb your language around me just because I'm a priest. I understand now that Michael would turn my help against you. Perhaps I was just surprised that the thought didn't occur to me. I was naive⊠I just don't want to see more injustice occur to you.â His gaze flickered down at the red carpet that laid down the center of the chapel, then he looked up at the wooden crucifix with a carved, suffering Jesus mounted at the center of the altar. He looked so morbid from here. âExcuse me,â Geoff said. âI'll go attend to our guests.â He walked away towards the confessionals.
Gavin walked away from the noisy choir, not feeling very social. He made his way into Geoffâs office and curled up on the couch there, he could take a nap, plus Geoff would come and look for him anyway. He couldn't believe he had been so vulgar with the priest, but what he really couldn't believe was him jerking off and thinking of the priest.
Maybe thatâs why God kept punishing him.
Born Sick - Chapter 3
Gavin walked into the chapel and towards the back where Father Ramseyâs little room was. âMerry Christmas Eve Father.â He smiled and bit his bottom lip. âIt's nice to be outta the hospital.â Gavin said softly and stretched. âIt was nice to be in my own bed.â Gavin said softly and sat down on one of the chairs.
âWelcome! I'm glad you're feeling well. Go ahead and change into your altar robes, we use the special embroidered garments for holidays. You won't miss them.â He gestured towards the backstage area but Gavin was too distracted by the holly and poinsettia flowers that were strewn down the hall of pews between each row. The glow of the golden altar and organ, the wooden beams holding up the pointed ceiling were now laced with small twinkling lights too. It looked like something out of heaven.
âOh yes, the choir helped raise funds for these Christmas flowers⊠Whenever I wasn't at the hospital, I had to do something with myself so I did some decorating.â Geoff looked around at his work. âSeems pretty retentive now, but go ahead you can light the candles.â Gavin didn't know how to respond, he didn't think his incident would have affected the priest that much. But Ramsey had spent hours cleaning up the blood Gavin had got on the floor.
Gavin looked at the priest as they went to the altar boyâs room. âI'm sorry if my incident affected you more than I thought.â Gavin sighed and walked towards the back room for his robes. He put the robes on and smiled. âIt's beautiful though Father Ramsey.â Gavin said softly and walked over to the priest. âI'm sorry.â He mumbled and hug the man. âI'm ready to do the service. Are you? I didn't mean to cause you so much trouble.â
âDon't be silly, Gavin. I was glad you came to me⊠Who knows what would've happened if I hadn't gotten you to the hospital when I did. You were beaten within an inch of brain damage.â He shook his head, not sure if it would be appropriate to hug Gavin back. âI wasn't appalled by you, I was appalled at what he'd done to you. That's why I want to give you a safe place you can always access, if you don't feel comfortable at home.â
Gavin smiled brightly and pulled away from Geoff, feeling like his face was burning. âLet's get going Father Ramsey.â He grabbed ahold of the cross. âI'm ready. Kinda happy to be out of the hospital, nice to get some fresh air,â he said as he licked his lips and stretched.
The choir started singing on their stage as the chapel brewed with people, almost to the brink including the clergy that only attended once a Christmas. Geoff used to be like that too, though there were a couple Christmas eveâs he didnât even remember.
They walked around to the center aisle, Gavin lead them down first bearing the cross and Father Ramsey soon after with his golden bible in hand.
As Gavin put the cross on its mantle, Ramsey approached the wooden podium. âIn the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.â
âAmen.â
âThe grace and peace of God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ be with you.â
âAnd also with you.â
Gavin watched from his chair to the left of the priest, staring at the side of his face as he spoke.
Gavin was noticing small things about the priest he'd never noticed before. He had a couple holes in his ears where earrings used to sit. The way Geoff talked made Gavin's ears tingle. Gavin ran his fingers through his own hair. He could see his mother in her regular pew, face beaming as she watched the priest deliver the mass.
Gavin rubbed his eyes half way through the mass. He was already exhausted and he wanted to go curl up in the back and take a nap.
Father Ramsey held his hands up for Eucharist blessing, and Gavin set the wine and the bread on the table for Geoff to finish his prayers. The clergy stood up and filed into order, taking the bread and wine one by one. By the time only Gavin was left, he didn't hold his hands out which Geoff didn't anticipate, only open his mouth slightly.
He could see a spare second of flustered thought but then the priest carefully laid the wafer on his tongue.
Gavin smiled and took the container and the wine glass back to the back room. Gavin placed the blessed wafers into the container where all leftover blessed wafers went. He cleaned the glass and walked back out onto the altar. He made his way to his seat and sat there, looking at Geoff as he continued with his prayers distractedly.
When Geoff read those prayers into the small microphone in his raspy, gentle voice, Gavin actually enjoyed hearing them. He was listening to the sound of Geoffâs voice more than he could ever ignore the sermons. This eve he talked about Christmas morning with his mother, the first Christmas he could really remember with warm cookies and packaged gifts. He knew Christmas was a blessing.
âNow go in peace to love and serve the Lord, amen. Merry Christmas everyone.â The clergy was filled with smiles as the choir began to sing again and it was time for Gavin to walk them out.
Gavin picked up the cross and carried it down the aisle and around to the back room. He set the cross in its spot and then relaxed. He took off his robe and hung it back up in the closet. Gavin walked over to the couch and flopped down on it. âFather, your sermons are always so beautiful. Do you write them before? Or just speak from your heart?â Gavin asked softly as he watched the priest take off his Christmas liturgical scarf and his white robe. This man before him was fascinating, and Gavin wanted to learn more about his past and about the man himself. What he liked what he didn't like, what books he read, how he took his coffee. He had so many questions but he didn't want to look intrusive.
Geoff hung the embroidered cloth on their specified hangers behind stage, to the room beside his office. âI'd be lying if I said I didn't think about what to say, but I don't always write it or memorize it. I just try to go in with a lesson and a purpose that hopefully gets across the way I hope it does. Does your mother have plans for you tonight?â
Gavin shrugged. âNot that I know of. I can always ask her if she does. Why?â He said softly and pulled out his phone to text his mom. âI missed going outside and being able to eat fast food.â Gavin mumbled and bit his bottom lip. Gavin smiled softly and turned to face the priest, Geoff always looked so at peace and relaxed and Gavin wished he could feel like that.
âJust since I know how Christmas dinners can go with family. What if you and your mother came over to my place for a nice meal, so your mother doesn't have to prepare anything if she hasn't already. And it might be easier to spend some time away from home for her, she mentioned those feelings in confession.â He put on his black jacket and prepared to go back outside and meet with any of the leftover parents.
Gavin nodded and stretched out on the couch before getting up. âThat sounds nice. When do you want us over?â He asked softly and stood in front of the priest. âI appreciate everything you've done for me.â Gavin felt his face he's at up as he looked into the man's eyes. Gavin smiled brightly and laughed nervously. âI'll tell my mom to come talk to you.â He mumbled and quickly left the back room and walked out to his mom.
âHi dear,â she greeted him with a hug, gently touching his yellow bruised cheek. âYou looked phenominal up there. I loved Father Ramseyâs sermon.â She watched as the priest came out from backstage.
âHello, Mrs. Free, I'm cooking Christmas dinner tonight if you two would like to come over,â he said to her.
Mrs. Free smiled and nodded. âWe would love to! Is it just us coming?â She asked softly and kept her hand wrapped around her sonâs waist.
Gavin looked at his mom and then to the priest. âWhat about dad?â
âYour father is fine at home Gavin.â
Gavin shrugged and sighed. He may be pissed off with his father, but he didn't want the man to sit around alone at home.
âYou're certainly welcome, anytime after 6 so I have some time to take the ham out of the oven.â The priest smiled and dipped his head before turning away.
Gavin had a couple hours, but it didn't seem like his mother wanted to go home even though they had to sooner or later. His mother was afraid of how they'd work this out.
Gavin looked at his mom and grabbed her hand. âMom, we can go home.â He bit his bottom lip. âI know you don't want to. But it's okay mom.â Gavin said as he pulled her towards the out doors. The two of them walked outside to their car, leaving the warmth of the church. âLet's get dad some dinner and just try to keep the peace. I'll be okay. I'll just stay away from him.â
Mrs. Free gently touched Gavinâs cheek and nodded. âItâs awful you have to take those precautions⊠Iâll make it right somehow. Okay? No oneâs gonna hurt you again.â She opened the door for her son and helped him sit down before getting into her side. They drove home to a quiet house.
His father was home, upstairs and asleep.
âGo take a shower if you can manage, Gavin, then weâll go over for a proper meal.â
Gavin nodded and walked upstairs. He went into the bathroom and closed the door. Gavin bit his bottom lip as he pulled off his clothes he looked at himself in the mirror, he hated the way he looked, all the scars all over his body. Gavin sighed and turned on the shower, he got in and closed the curtains. Gavin let the water cascade over his body. Gavin hated himself so much he wished he could kill himself some days. He made his mom and dad's relationship harder.
After washing off, Gavin wrapped a towel around his shoulders and assessed the damage in the mirror. Some dark bruises, his nose was still in too much pain to touch directly, but his cuts were at least bandaged.
In his bedroom his mother laid out some proper clothes for him to wear, she wanted to keep a good impression on the priest whether or not he knew about their family. To her, he was like a direct line to God, and she was starting to think that he was the only one who could really help her family's lives get back on track.
Gavin looked at the clothes on his bed as he dried his hair. Then he pulled on a pair of fresh boxers and let the towel fall to the floor. Gavin sat at his computer and booted it up. Gavin wasn't ready to get ready, but he wanted to play a game or something. Gavin reached into his drawer and touched the metal blade hidden under a bunch of papers, just thinking about his parents made him feel so guilty.
The scabs under the bandages were getting itchy, like they were dying to peel off his skin and Gavin suddenly felt uncomfortable in his skin again. He thought about Father Ramsey, going over to his house, the fact that he hadnât been able to masturbate in a week. How could he be so sinful? He knew people his age didnât deal with these thoughts, they couldnât.
Gavin looked at the clock it was only 4:30. Could he masturbate before they went to the priest's? He couldnât get the idea out of his head, so he walked over to his bedroom door and locked it. Then he climbed onto his bed hesitantly and laid down, looking up at the ceiling. Downstairs he could hear his mom in the kitchen making his dad some dinner. His dad was still snoring away in his room. Gavin could do this, it had to be better than thinking about hurting himself.
Quickly he pulled grabbed the towel off the floor and draped it over his chest, trying to get his mind off of the present. His hand drifted down over his clean boxers, pulling them down just enough that he could wrap his fingers around his shaft and rub his thumb there.
It always felt wrong, the initial touch that made him twitch with perverse want, but the nerves were so addicting. At school they were constantly shamed to never touch themselves, which ironically first gave Gavin the idea to, but it felt so pleasing. Gavin would be ashamed to admit he wished someone else would touch him, though if the situation ever arose with a girl in his grade, Gavin choked up and avoided it.
Gavin sighed softly as he touched his smooth skin, lightly touching himself just to tease. Gavin fucking loved doing this it made him feel so good and when he came, the satisfaction, and pleasure it gave him made his body tingle. It felt even better if he cut himself first then jerked off, everything just felt so heightened. How could he be this screwed up?
Gavin tipped his head back, letting his eyes drift shut as his fingers slid upward. A part of him felt guilty when he did this but that part was the first to fade away when his blood flushed and made his cock harden almost immediately after being touched. Gavin wanted to be touched so badly, a small brush was enough to get him hard.
He just couldn't help it, he started moving his hand and pulling the bandage off his thigh. A week in the hospital felt like a fucking year without coming.
Gavin gasped softly and wrapped his fingers around his cock, sliding his hand along his hardening length. Fuck Gavin loved doing this. Gavin tore the bandage off and picked at the thick scabs on his thigh, tearing the scabs off his skin. God it felt so fucking good. He didn't care anymore everything felt so good like this.
The blood sewed in small balls first then trickled down his thigh, some getting onto his knuckles as he oozed precum and stroked faster. Just the sensation was enough, but then he was immediately reminded of the dream he had in the hospital. Geoffâs scratchy voice and he felt a sudden urge to cum, he'd never had to cum so fast.
Gavin arched his back as he remembered the feel of Geoff's calloused fingers on his thigh, feeling the thick cuts. Gavin's breath hitched and he tossed his head back as he came. His body twitched; he'd never fucking cum so hard or so fast. Gavin trembled as he stroked himself through it, and dug his nails into the reopened cuts.
âG-GodâŠâ he groaned and squeezed himself tighter, digging his heels into the mattress as the pleasure started to subside.
The pleasure subsided fast enough to turn into horror, he was still thinking about the priest and the tattoos on his knuckles. He had to pretend this never happened, it had barely even ended but he needed to deny it ever happened.
âAlmost ready, Gavin?â his mother knocked on the door.
Gavin swallowed thickly. âYeah. I'll be down in a minute.â He got up, cleaned his hand on the towel and then tossed it under his bed, scrambling to get his nice clothes on. He couldn't believe what just happened. Gavin got ready and felt his stomach turn. He almost didn't want to go now. Why was he thinking about Geoff in the first place?
âGavin, come on! Iâm sure weâll be late.â
He stumbled out of his room and followed his mother downstairs, thoughts still jumbled in his head. He had to forget about it, it was something he could never think about again. But in the car, he kept thinking about it until his head ached, and until they arrived at the priestâs house.
Gavin wanted to run away, run as far away as he possibly could. Gavin bit his bottom lip and looked at the priestâs house. He couldn't do this, he knew he'd think about it all through dinner. There was no way he could do this with the priest. Gavin got out of the car and walked towards the man's house with his mom.
He had painted shutters, Christmas lights twinkling, a wreath on the door. Like someone who deeply loved Christmas, it was enough to distract Gavin for a brief moment. Until his mother knocked on the door and Geoff promptly let them in.
âGood evening, you two!â He smiled warmly, scruff on his cheeks and in a forest green dorky sweater that clung to his chest.
Gavin bit the inside of his bottom lip. He walked behind his mom a little embarrassed to see the man like this. Where was his loose, baggy priest garments? He was even wearing dark jeans. Fuck, Gavin couldn't be here. Geoff lead them into the living room and sat down, gesturing for them to sit as well so he did. Hoping he could disappear into the piece of furniture.
Father Ramsey had cooked a Christmas honey glazed ham that was beautifully cut on a platter, along with buttered mashed potatoes and tossed salad. His mother looked too happy to not have cooked especially with her husband passed out in her house, she marveled at the food.
âOh my word, Father Ramsey, who knew you were such a good cook! I canât thank you enough⊠This Christmas has been so stressful, you are literally heaven sent,â she said while Geoff passed out classes of water.
âOh really, Mrs. Free, itâs no trouble at all. I usually cook a lot in downtime, at least the food wonât go to waste with some extra guests here. Please, help yourself. Gavin and I will be busy with the main Christmas mass tomorrow, weâll need the energy.â
Gavin sat there waiting until his mother was done fawning and picking at the food. He reached to grab the salad tongs as Geoff grabbed for them as well. âSorry, go ahead. I'll take something else,â he muttered and grabbed the potatoes, scooping them onto his plate and setting the bowl back down. Gavin took a small piece of ham too and set it on his plate. Lastly he placed some salad on his plate and sat back waiting for Father Ramsey to say grace.
âMay we?â he said once everyone had food on their plates, stretching out his hands for the two of them to take.
âThank you so much, father,â she said again and took his palm, closing her eyes. Gavin didnât know how to take the queue without getting embarrassed. He knew he shouldnât have come here after whatever had happened at home. Heâd forgotten to put new bandages on too so his tan slacks were starting to be bled through in small areas.
âBless us, Oh Lord, and these, Thy gifts, which we are about to receive. From Thy bounty through Christ, our Lord, Amen.â
Gavin had quietly mumbled along but he was still feeling awkward.
âThis Christmas, I want to give thanks for the company and community Youâve given us. Thank you for watching after Gavinâs safety and for guiding all of us, I know Your plan is sometimes hard to see but thank you for keeping these good people under Your watch. Amen.â
Gavinâs mother was almost tearing up at the prayer.
Gavin mumbled his amen and pulled his hand away from Father Ramsey's. He placed a napkin on his leg to cover up the small blood stains that were slowly getting bigger. Gavin didn't want to be here, he felt so awkward, like he didn't belong in his own skin. He picked up his fork and started eating, and Gavin looked up at Geoff. âThis is really good Father.â Gavin was almost surprised and he felt self conscious talking to the priest but he knew he had to say something or they would know something was up.
âThanks, not a whole lot a priest can do in their downtime,â he joked as he cut the food on his own plate. âI would offer some wine, Mrs. Free, but you know. The only kind I can drink is the blood of Christ.â
She cracked up and nodded. âThat's alright, I've been laying off the wine myself anyways.â
They chatted over their meal idly, Gavin was stuffed even though he originally thought he'd be too nervous to eat in the first place. By the time they were putting away leftovers and washing their plates, his mother still looked like she didn't want to go home yet. She kept drying the already dry dishes.
Gavin looked at his mom and fiddled with his hands. âThank you Father for dinner. It was delicious.â He turned towards the priest. âBut mom doesn't wanna leave yet. I guess she hasn't sorted anything out with dad yet.â Gavin said trying to keep his hand over the blood stain on his pants. âI think we should we leave though. Weâre imposing.â
Father Ramsey waved him off. âItâs really no big deal, Iâm happy to be getting to know you guys more⊠Your mother is at a difficult impasse. I can tell she loves you very much.â He glanced into the kitchen. âMrs. Free, I was about to put on Itâs a Wonderful Life. Iâm afraid I watch it every Christmas. Why donât you two stay for it? Iâll make some popcorn.â It was just then Geoff noticed Gavinâs fiddling hands, and the blood stain on his slacks. âOh, no,â he said in a hushed voice. âCome, letâs get you patched up.â
âThat sounds wonderful Father! Let me just finish up in here.â Mrs. Free said as she smiled to herself. Why couldn't her husband be more like the priest?
Gavin but his bottom lip and looked away. âNo it's okay.â He said softly as he looked over at his mom. Gavin felt Geoff take him by his wrist and pull him towards the washroom. âPlease, Geoff it's okay. Mom won't notice.â Gavin lied, the stain was becoming way too big to hide.
âOf course she will⊠Gosh, itâs starting to seep through your pants. Not to be inappropriate but you should take off your slacks, Iâll try to find some small pants though theyâll probably still be loose on you.â He backed out of the bathroom, leaving Gavin there to shakily pull his pants down as Ramsey got the first aid kit and a shrunken pair of old pants.
Heâd rushed back before Gavin had the chance to wipe away most of the blood and the priest closed the door, kneeling down in front of the boy to get a better look at the ruined scabs. âGavin⊠These will get infected without some antiseptic.â He grabbed the cream and put it on his fingers, dabbing the blood away with a paper towel. âDid they open up again? They look painful.â They were, every time Geoff touched his leg it stung and he cringed but he was too distracted by Geoff on his knees. He was so going to hell.
Gavin bit his bottom lip, hard and grabbed a handful of Geoff's hair and tugged when he put the antiseptic on it. âFuck!â He quickly let go of the manâs hair. âSorry! Sorry! I'm sorry Geoff.â He said softly and hissed. âPlease stop. I'll fix it myself.â Gavin was so embarrassed now he really wanted to go home.
âGavinâŠâ Geoff sighed and shook his head. âThey need to be covered, I'm almost done.â The boyâs thighs were shaking slightly from the sting, though it was soothed once Geoff placed a white patch bandage over his skin. âIs that better? I only have these slacks, I should wash your other ones.â
Gavin sighed and nodded. âThanks, I'm sorry.â He took the pants and pulled them on. âI can pick âem up later. At church or something. These look at lot like mine so it's okay.â He pulled away from Geoff and bit his bottom lip hard. Why did Gavin have to kinda like when Geoff touched him, gave him attention? He wasn't gay, he wasn't supposed to be. If his mom and dad found out he'd be dead, and Geoff couldn't find out either.
âSure, you alright? I can get you some painkillers, might help a bit.â The priest only noticed then that he was standing rather close to Gavin, and so he backed away a step and opened the bathroom door. âUm, go ahead. Iâll put these in the wash, hereâs some motrin.â He fiddled with the bottle for more than a few seconds. âMake sure your mother doesnât clean all of my dishes, youâre both my guests.â
Gavin nodded and took the Motrin, swallowing it dry. He fucking hated himself right now. There was no way he could go to church and look at Geoff the same. He would have to punish himself once he got home, to never think like this again; there would be no way he could live with himself if he didn't.
Gavin walked into the kitchen and towards his mother. âGeoff said to go sit down. I'll wash dishes.â He nudged his mom out of the way and handed her a hand towel. âJust go mom.â
âGeoff?â She looked confused for a minute. âFather Ramsey? Oh, donât call him that, son, thatâs extremely disrespectful to a priest. You canât have him thinking we live in the streets, show some respect to your elders. Especially the ones who treat us so graciously,â she scolded, quieting down when the priest came back into the kitchen.
âMovieâs set up, if youâre ready.â He smiled warmly and grabbed a bag of popcorn from the pantry, putting it in the microwave.
Gavin nodded as he finished the little bit of dishes that were left. âReady,â he replied softly and let the sinks drain before drying his hands. âMay I have a drink Father?â He said softly and rubbed his forehead. âYou better make more than just one bag of popcorn. I can eat a bag myself!â
âOh yeah? Here I thought I was the only one,â the priest laughed and grinned as he took another popcorn bag out. Gavin had never seen him fucking grin before, he was so lighthearted, his sly smile was crooked and warm. Gavin felt like it was wrong to be staring at Geoffâs subtle smile but he couldn't control himself. âDo you want a soda or a water? Gavin?â he prompted again.
Gavin shook his head and bit his bottom lip. âYeah I'll take a soda. What kind do you have, Coke?â He asked softly and looked at the man. âI'm sorry for imposing on you with all my stupid issues. I hate myself⊠I fucking can't stand myself.â Gavin mumbled and hung his head, not meaning to have cursed in front of the priest. He couldn't believe he couldn't keep his eyes off Geoff. He wasn't gay, he wasn't, he deserved punishment, any kind of punishment.
âHey,â Geoff stopped him. âDon't talk like that. And I don't just mean the cursing, God made you the way you were meant to be. You shouldn't hate yourselfâŠâ He passed Gavin a cold can of Coke, lightly touching his shoulder. âCâmon, your mother's waiting for us. Weâll have a good Christmas Eve. You have to promise you won't think like that though, at least try not to.â
Gavin sighed softly and shrugged. âI guess I'll try. I feel like God wouldn't make me this way if he loved meâŠâ Gavin mumbled as he turned to leave. He walked into the living room and sat on the chair so he didn't have to sit beside his mom or the priest. Gavin wanted to forget about everything. He almost wished he was still in the hospital because he wouldn't have jerked off the second he got home.
The black and white movie buzzed in front of them on the widescreen TV, Gavin was only disrupted when Father Ramsey placed a warm bowl of buttered popcorn on his lap. âMerry Christmas Eve.â
âMerry Christmas Eve, Father,â Mrs. Free added with a dopey smile. âI adore this movieâŠâ
Gavin tilted his head back, trying to clear his mind as the movie drawled on. By the time 11 oâclock rolled around, he had fallen asleep, quietly snoring against the cushioned chair.
~ ~ ~
Gavin looked up at the man who was hovering above him. Gavin had his fingers tangled in the man's hair, tugging gently. âGeoff⊠Please? Stop touching them.â Gavin half hissed as he tugged harder on the manâs hair. âIt's turning me on. You better fucking stop.â Gavin pulled the priest close and kissed and bit at the manâs neck, leaving a dark hickey on his skin.
He could feel Geoffâs hard cock through his black slacks, pressing firm against his thighs and it made him tingle all over.
âCan't help it⊠You taste so sweet.â Geoff licked the bruises and got closer, only then did he notice he was crumpled up on the top of the white altar, next to pieces of Eucharist wafers.
Gavin arched and bit at Geoffâs chin. âA-Ah⊠Geoff.â Gavin ground his hips upward, as he reached for the priest's white collar and pulled it. Gavin tossed the piece of cloth on the floor and started to undo the man's shirt slowly watching as the man's pale skin was exposed, showing some ink as he pushed it off the man's broad shoulders. âYou look so goodâŠâ
Gavin could see the ink but couldn't make out any of the shapes, couldn't focus on what they really were because he'd never seen them before. But then he could focus on one a giant, antiquated cross on Geoffâs chest, right over his heart. It was all he could see, and Gavin burst awake a second later, right as the movie end credits were rolling. He snapped over to look at his mother and the priest, his mother had fallen asleep but Father Ramsey was still barely awake.
âYou alright?â he mumbled in a sleepy voice, after hearing Gavinâs gasp.
âYe-Yeah I'm fineâŠâ Gavin mumbled and ran his fingers through his hair. âI guess mom and I should go home. Leave you in peace and let you enjoy your Christmas.â Gavin rubbed his eyes and stood up. âThank you for having us, Geoff. Mom and I appreciate everything you've done for us.â Gavin shook his mom slightly. âMom, it's time to go home.â
âYouâre always welcome,â the priest assured and asked, âDo you want me to drive you home?â Mrs. Free was just waking up.
âOh, oh no, Father, Iâll be alright. Iâm sorry I dozed off there! Seems I missed the end of the movie.â She brushed the lint off her blazer and stood up, forcing herself conscious. âThank you so much, Father.â
Geoff waved her off again. âReally, itâs no problem. Drive safely, okay?â He walked them to the door, getting a glimpse of the clock. Gavin was walking stiff as a board, the dream was still in his head and in his loins, he just wanted to get out of there unnoticed. âOh, itâs past midnight. Merry Christmas, you two. Christ be with you.â
âOh, Father, Merry Christmas!â His mother practically beamed. âAnd also with you.â
âMerry Christmas.â Gavin said and smiled softly. He was out of the house before Geoff could say anything else. As soon as the doors were unlocked Gavin jumped in and buckled pulling his jacket over his lap. Gavin bit his bottom lip and sighed. He couldn't believe he had another dream like that about the priest. He wasn't gay and he didn't want this. All he wanted to do was cut the thoughts out of his head.
His mother drove them home with some old timely Christmas music on the radio, and once they pulled up to the driveway, Gavin was out of the car ready to retire to his room. He had jerked off less than 6 hours ago and he needed to do it again, or cut until his hard on went down.
He locked his bedroom door with shaking fingers, turning off all of the lights but his lamp.
Gavin shed off all his clothes, and left them in a pile on the floor. Fuck, should he just jerk off? No, he fucking couldn't. He couldn't give into his inappropriate thoughts of his priest. Gavin walked over to his desk and took out his razor blade. He didnât want to feel like this anymore. Gavin sat on his bed and sliced a deep, long cut into his thigh. Gavin bit his bottom lip and did it again. There was no way he could deal with this, it hurt but not enough.
As the blood trickled down his tan thigh, he felt the bandages that Geoff had patched up for him and guilt oozed into his chest. He crumpled over putting his head in his hands and sniveling, the priest was so kind to him. He gave a shit about keeping Gavin healthy, and then Gavin would just ruin it again. The two cuts started at a dull pain of shock but the pain was starting to spring alive.
Gavin flopped on his bed weakly and sighed out his breath. Why did he care? He was confused and was taking the priest's care and kindness the wrong way. No one had ever been this nice to him before. Gavin licked his lips and placed the small blade on his night stand. He was such a fuck up, the first person to ever treat him right. Gavin misconstrued his kindness and made himself think it was love. He sighed and curled up on his bed and turned the lights off not waiting to have any lights on so he didn't have to see his shame.
Gavin didnât care about the blood running down his leg, he just didnât want it to stain his bed for his mother to see so he wrapped his thigh with a towel from the floor. It stung even more but Gavin just wanted to sleep. He closed his eyes, laying on his stomach, and fell asleep.
Born Sick - Chapter 2
âGavin?â
Gavin slumped to the floor in exhaustion and coughed up some blood. âFuckâŠâ He mumbled and spat a big wad of bloody saliva onto the floor. âI'm sorry FatherâŠâ He mumbled and coughed as he sat there, eyes closed, body burning. âI'm sorry to bother you, but I didn't know where else to goâŠâ Gavin could feel his eyes welling up. Fuck he didn't wanna deal with all these emotions right now. Gavin wished he would've accidentally ran out into traffic and got hit by a car.
Father Ramsey almost stumbled getting up and running over to Gavin in his black suit, he dropped his rosary and put his hands on Gavinâs shoulders. âOh my god, Gavin, who did this? Fuck.â Gavin had never heard a priest swear before, he almost thought heâd imagined it. âWe need to get you to the hospital. Oh godâŠâ He pulled Gavin up, wrapping an arm around his bloody torso and touching the side of his swollen face. âCan you stand? Don't, just don't move.â He scooped Gavinâs limp body up off the floor and quickly went to the back of the chapel, grabbing his wallet and keys.
âI-Itâs fine⊠I deserved it.â He mumbled and bit his bottom lip roughly. âI'm fineâŠâ Gavin shook in the priest's arms. âI'm s-so sorry! Please don't hit me!â Gavin was crying and he couldn't help it, he thought everyone would be beating the shit out of him. âI hate myself, just let me die!â
âGavin, what happened to you? Who did this?â Gavin couldn't tell Father Ramsey what really happened, he felt fucking ashamed and afraid his mother would be hurt too if he brought in more trouble. The priest opened the door with his back, carrying Gavin outside and running to his small station wagon. âFuck, you're bleeding so muchâŠâ He opened the door to the backseat, laying Gavin out on his back even though the blood would stain his cloth seats.
âNothing. Misunderstanding. I'm okay.â Gavin mumbled and curled up on the seat. âI'm gonna make a mess of your car, just lemme die. It not like anyone would care anyway. I make everyone's life worse. I deserved to be beaten up.â Gavin mumbled as he ran his bloody fingers through his blood soaked hair. âJust leave me alone to dieâŠâ
âDon't talk like that, Gavin, you don't have to protect whoever did this. Violence is never the answer.â Ramsey started up his car, peeling out of the lot with Gavin crumpled up in the back of his car. Ramsey had his blood on his hands and it made his stomach churn, who would beat a young man within an inch of brain damage? âYou don't deserve this.â His fingers clenched around the steering wheel as he sped towards the hospital.
Gavin started bawling his eyes out. âI do! I got bullied for being an altar server in the showers after gym. Michael beat me up took my clothes then told the principal that I came onto him. I got suspended for 10 days, and then my dad beat the shit outta me when we got home.â Gavin couldn't help it, he wanted to get it off his chest. âI-I deserved it⊠I did. Of course no one believes me. I wanna die, my parents hate me.â
âYour father did this?â Father Ramsey was outraged, he pinched the bridge of his nose, smudging some of Gavinâs blood on his cheek unknowingly. âGavin⊠You didn't deserve this. This is sick behavior. Weâre going to get you fixed up and safe, Gavin.â
The hospital was coming into view and the shock was starting to melt away into agonizing pain in his face and limbs. The concrete scrapes on his elbows and knees still had dirt in them, when Ramsey parked in the lot he had to gently lift Gavin out of his car.
âMy dad beat me cause he thinks I'm a faggot. He'd rather I be dead than a fag.â Gavin was sobbing now, all his anxiety bubbling to the surface. âHe hates me and my mom probably does too!â Gavin gripped the priestâs clothes and trembled in his arms. âFather, I can't. I can't tell them my dad beat meâŠâ
Father Ramsey clutched Gavin tighter, feeling the first flare of anger heâs felt in so fucking long. Gavinâs father deserved to be locked up for this, punished, but he knew calling the cops would have more repercussions. It was never easy to solve domestic disputes behind closed doors, but the priest would rather get Gavin in trouble as long as it meant he wouldnât be hurt by his father again.
âDonât worry, Gavin, just hang in there. Stay awake.â Father Ramsey could barely look at Gavinâs beaten face, his lip was gasped open, his eyes turning black with bruises, his nose badly injured. Everything Ramsey saw was pain and it fucking enraged him. âD-Donât move.â
Gavin was on the verge of passing out, he felt like he was already dying when Ramsey ran him inside the hospital. A group of nurses came to meet him, bringing a stretcher for Gavin to be laid down on.
âPlease, heâs been in a horrible accident. I donât know exactly what happened, he came to my church, please just help him,â Father Ramsey was already taking out his ID to give them some kind of identification.
Gavin watched as he was wheeled into a room, and he could barely keep his eyes open. âFather Ramsey⊠don't tell them what happenedâŠâ He mumbled and held onto the priests shirt. âI'm sorryâŠâ He mumbled and shook his head. âI can't stay awake.â Gavin sighed as he relaxed and passed out.
âIs he your son?â The nurses asked him.
âN-No, his name is Gavin Free⊠His family attends my church.â
They were already sliding an IV into his arm. âHurry, get him into a room. He might need an X-ray, get him stable.â Father Ramsey followed the gurney. âYou may have to wait out here, Father.â
âI, a-alright, can I stay with him for now?â He pulled a bracelet of prayer beads out of his pocket, following Gavin into a private room as he started getting hooked up to the machines.
âUntil visiting hours close, you can wait but you'll need to stand back. I think he'll need stitches on his lips and nose.â
The nurses had never seen someone come in this bad in a long time. âWhat happened to this kid? He looks like someone beat the shit out of him.â
âThat's what the priest said though, he was in an accident. It doesn't look like an accident.â
Ramsey sat in the corner of the room watching subserviently and praying with the beads in his firm hands. He had to leave once they put Gavin under and started stitching his wounds, he found himself at the phone stations dialing Gavinâs motherâs phone number.
Back at Gavin's parents little suburban home his mother his freaking out. âHenry! How could you beat him up like that?! How dare you! He took off running, we need to go find him!â Gavin mother was yelling, she couldn't imagine what anyone would think of her if they found out. She had never been so mad at her husband before, how could he beat up his only child? Just then the phone rang and she ran to the kitchen to pick it up. âHello?â
âMrs. Free? Are you alone?â She recognized the priestâs voice through the phone, Henry stormed upstairs with a bottle of scotch he hadn't touched since Christmas. Father Ramsey shifted to the next bead on his bracelet and looked over into the room Gavin was lying in. âIt's your sonâŠâ
âWhat? Where is he? I've been so worried.â She said, tears forming in her eyes. âFather I'm so sorry he bothered you.â She said softly and sat on the kitchen chair. âIs he okay?â She was so worried Gavin told the priest what had happened, and that they wouldn't be welcome in the church again.
Ramsey rubbed his palm against his face, holding the pay phone in his fist. âHe showed up on my doorstep. I think you should come down to the hospital, don't bring your husband. We should talk about a way to keep your son safe so please come alone.â
Mrs. Free bit her bottom lip. âOkay. I'll be right thereâŠâ She hung up the phone and picked up the car keys and grabbed her purse. She slung the purse over her shoulder and left the house. She didn't exactly want to be home with her husband anyway. Mr. Free started the car and quickly drove towards the hospital.
Mrs. Free jumped out of the car once she parked and ran into the hospital, finding Father Ramsey. âOh, Father I'm so sorryâŠâ
The Father shook his head and handed her his prayer beads. âIt wasn't your doing. I didn't tell them what had happened, you should talk to your son and handle the matter as a family⊠I didn't feel it was my place. But I won't have an altar boy in my chapel hurt again, I have to be positive Gavin won't be hit by your husband.â Something about the thought got completely under his skin.
Mrs. Free nodded. âI'm so sorry. I did what I could to try to stop him. Father thank you so much. I'm glad he went to you.â Mrs. Free had tears in her eyes. âI hope he's going to be okay. This is all my fault, I can't believe thisâŠâ She held onto the prayer beads tightly. âI'm so scared, I've never seen Henry that scary and angry before.â
âMrs. Free, did he hit you too?â Ramsey could see the red mark still on the woman's cheek. âThis was the first time that this happenedâŠ? Gavin was incoherent when he came to the chapel, he said it was due to rumors about being gay. I've seen these kids at school do horrible things to each other but never this bad, half of the rumors are all made up.â The thought lingered in his head though, he wondered whether it would be appropriate or not to have a questioning altar boy. If he weren't questioning, others were obviously questioning him. He looked into the hospital room, they had managed to stabilize Gavinâs adrenaline and heart rate.
Mrs. Free looked at the room where her son was. âYes this was the first time. Henryâs never hit me or Gavin before. He hit me when I tried to make him stop. He's never been like that before. Gavin said Michael came up to him first, made fun of him for being an altar server.â Mrs. Free was shaking as she looked at her son lying in the bed. âI've never seen Henry get they angry before. It's was terrifying.â
Father Ramsey sighed and rested his palm on her shoulder, trying to offer some comfort. âMaybe Gavin shouldn't stay at home during his suspension. Until you can figure things out with your husband, Gavin should stay at the hospital. He was saying some alarming things when I found him, like he shouldn't be alive, he needs to be away from your husband while he heals⊠You can tell the nurses what you feel is right to tell.â
Mrs. Free sighed and wiped her eyes. âFather Iâm so sorry. He's never done anything like this⊠But maybe it would be best to keep Gavin here till he's better. I don't know what to do. I try to help Gavin and my husband just doesn't understand. He wouldn't listen to anything Gavin said. Just got more angry.â Mrs. Free never knew her husband could be that violent, and she was scared for herself and her sonâs safety.
Father Ramsey got up and looked through the window into Gavinâs room, taking the cellphone out of his back pocket to text one of the choir directors. He was canceling this nightâs chapel, calling it a personal emergency so he could stay at the hospital.
âThe nurses need to be sure the beating didn't cause brain damage, but if he was able to find his way to the chapel, the odds are good.â Ramsey looked into the room and watched Gavinâs cuts and bruises be bandaged. âI think I'll stay here with you if you don't mind, I don't have any plans tonight.â
Mrs. Free nodded. âThank you so much Father. I don't know what to do about my husband, he was drinking scotch when I left. I'm worried. He's never had a violent side, ever. He's usually so sweet. Maybe this was just the last straw with GavinâŠâ Mrs. Free felt her eyes prickle with tears. âGavin's been rebelling and causing a lot unneeded stress on us both.â She didn't understand why her son would be gay, why he was rebelling, or why he was acting the way he was.
âI could tell by the end of yesterdayâs chapel he is a good kid. Just troubled, I think the church is a good place for him. We don't advocate drinking or violence though, so your husband should shape up. Don't be afraid to call on others for help either.â He sat back down next to Gavinâs mother. âFor now, we just have to wait.â
Mrs. Free sighed and held onto her gold cross around her neck. âMy husband isn't usually like this, I don't know what happenedâŠâ Mrs. Free looked at Father Ramsey. âYou won't think any less of our family will you? Gavin's actions have nothing to do with me or my husband. We raised him well, he just strayed from the path we paved for him.â
Father Ramsey shook his head and watched the nurses from Gavinâs room leave one by one. âI was similar as a young man, I know how it feels to be out of Godâs favorable light. But I didn't know then that Godâs light touches us all, your husband included.â
One of the nurses approached him. âGavin is stable, he could be waking up any moment now he just needs to rest. Are you his mother? We found some leisure marks on his thighs that were concerning, miss.â
Mrs. Free stood and looked at the nurse. âYes I'm his mother. But what do you mean? Leisure marks?â Mrs. Free looked at the priest and then over at the nurse. What was wrong with her perfect little boy? He was turning into someone she couldnât identify anymore. She was so worried for him, and his well-being.
âCome inside.â She brought the two of them into the room, pulling the hospital blankets down to show the newly bandaged cuts on Gavinâs thighs. âIn these situations, we have to call in a social worker and we recommend he be held in the hospital until his psyche can be evaluated.â
âOh myâŠâ The priest sat down on the chair in the corner of the room, looking at Gavinâs stitched up and severely bruised face.
Mrs. Free started weeping. She didn't think Gavin was this messed up. His face was so bruised and he almost didn't look like her son anymore. âOh please no⊠Oh myâŠâ Mrs. Free was beside herself and she crumpled to her knees beside her sons bed, holding his hand tight. âGavin I'm so sorryâŠâ
Ramsey saw Gavinâs face furrow in pain when his mother squeezed his hand too tightly, he was starting to regain consciousness.
âThere was a fracture to his nose, mild concussion, blood loss, and we had to stitch a gash in his lip and brow⊠The cuts on his legs though look older and they were mildly infected, he wasn't in good shape, Mrs. Free. What happened to him? Father Ramsey said it was an accident?â
Mrs. Free bit her bottom lip and nodded. âI know one of the boys at his school beat him up really bad. That's probably what Father Ramsey is talking about.â Mrs. Free said softly. âThe chapel isn't far from his school, so he probably went there first.â
Gavin stirred a little and coughed. âMom?â Gavin mumbled, and Mrs. Free looked at her son. âOh Gavin! Are you okay? I'm sorry.â
Father Ramsey stayed by the window as the woman squeezed Gavinâs arm. Just then Gavin looked over at the priest in shock, embarrassment, guilt, a plethora of feelings. He didn't want Father Ramsey to see him this bad, he could barely see through his bruised and swollen eyes.
âDon't worry, Gavin, you're safe now⊠Just relax,â he tried to make the boy worry less.
âYes, don't move yet, Gavin, you're on some rather heavy painkillers,â the nurse added as she checked Gavinâs pulse.
Gavin turned his head away, he didn't want the priest to see him, didn't want anyone to see him. âDon't look at meâŠâ Gavin mumbled and tried to pulled the blankets higher over his body but was so sore. âI wanna go homeâŠâ He wanted to be away from everyone, and the prying eyes of all the nurses and doctors.
âSh! Gavin it's okay. The nurses and doctors are here to help you, they wanna keep you for a day or two.â Mrs. Free said softly and kissed her sonâs forehead.
Father Ramsey stood up to give his spare rosary to Gavin, made out of rose quartz beads and sterling silver. âKeep this, Gavin, itâs always made me feel better when I was hurt⊠Your mother and I will look after you.â For some reason he didnât want to go back to the church yet, Ramsey just wanted to take a seat in the room with Mrs. Free and wait there until they made them leave, even if Gavin slept the whole time.
Father Ramsey was used to seeing pain in his line of work, especially in the lines of confessionals heâd conducted. So many worries, pains, fears, but nothing quite shook him like the anger he had for someone beating an innocent young man.
Gavin took the rosary and smiled softly. âThank you. I'm sorryâŠâ He mumbled and held onto the rosary tightly. âI'm so upset with everything. It's not fair what happened. I didn't do anything wrong.â Gavin was still so pissed off about Michael getting away with it all. He was sure Michael didn't get beat up and end up in the hospital.
âGod never condones these kinds of actions. Heâll make it right in the end,â Father Ramsey reassured. It was nearing closer to 9pm, the nurse told Ramsey he couldn't stay past then but the priest had to keep looking at Gavin. Making sure he was still awake and safe, for the first time he didn't trust God to protect all his children.
âFather, you'll need to be heading out now, the hospital visiting hours are closed.â
Gavin looked over at the priest and smiled softly. âI'll be fine it's okay. Thank you for bringing me to the hospital.â Gavin smiled and filled his sore arm, he was still clenching the rosary tight. âThank you. You can come back tomorrow if you want.â
Mrs. Free smiled softly. âThank you so much Father Ramsey for your help. I appreciate everything you did. You can come visit him anytime till he's out of the hospital. He'll return to his altar service as soon as he can.â
Father Ramsey nodded and grabbed his coat, smiling softly. âI'll return. Feel better, Gavin, don't worry about the services while you recover.â He hovered for another second, not quite wanting to go but he turned and walked out of Gavinâs room.
âHoney,â his mother held his hand. âI have your cell phone reactivated, here.â She put it on his nightstand. âDon't fuss with it for now, but I figured you'd want to contact Barbara after you get some more restâŠâ She felt so guilty for ostracizing her son.
Gavin smiled at his mother and nodded. âThank you mom. But it's not a big deal.â He said softly and closed his eyes. His head was aching, and his face felt like it was on fire. âIâm so sore⊠everything hurts.â Gavin sighed. âWhen you go home, you can tell dad I'm okay.â Gavin hated his father but he didn't want to get anyone in trouble. Gavin quite frankly didn't want to see his father again ever. He had never felt so much hate for someone in a long time.
His mother nodded shakily. âJust get some more rest, dear, that's all you have to worry about. I'll leave once you fall asleep.â He got the sense that his mother didn't want to go home either and he couldn't blame her, it felt like he was the root of all their problems but his mom was trying to protect him. The nurse left the room and Gavin tried to get comfortable on the scratchy bed, it didn't take long for him to get weary though. The painkillers in his system made his whole body feel as heavy as stone.
He fell asleep hearing his own heart beep on the monitor, and when it got too late his mother left for home to find her husband passed out drunk on the couch. She cleaned up the blood on the floor, the few broken vases, broken bottles, then she went upstairs just trying not to cry before managing to sleep too.
~ ~ ~
Gavin looked up at the dark haired priest who was hovering over him. âFather RamseyâŠâ He half moaned. âPlease don't tease me.â He mumbled arching off the bed. Gavin's skin was tingling and he'd never felt this good before. Gavin felt the priestâs calloused fingers run over his cuts on his thigh. âDon't do thatâŠâ Gavin hissed and lifted his arms to tangle his fingers in the man's hair. The man was tattooed all over, and Gavin wanted to kiss and trace each one with his tongue.
His arms were so strong, Ramsey could completely pin him down if he leaned close on him. âYou've been so naughty to yourself⊠Only I should be allowed to do this to you,â the priestâs voice whispered against his ear as his hand continued to dust over Gavinâs cuts. It made the hair on his skin prickle. His dark hair was matted, messy, like Gavin had been pulling it.
Gavin arched slightly and tugged roughly on the manâs hair. âA-Ah⊠Please?â Gavin almost begged, he wanted it so bad, needed it. Gavin let one of his hands fall from the priestâs hair, and traced the Chinese dragon on the man's chest. âFather, please I need moreâŠâ Gavin but his bottom lip and dragged his nails over the tattoo and down his chest. Gavin pulled the man's face closer to his, and pressed their foreheads together.
He was getting so excited and when the priest opened his eyes to look at him, he could see his aqua blue irises. It almost made him shudder, he didnât realize how hypnotized he was by that color. Then Ramsey was leaning in closer, his red, soft lips just beginning to touch Gavinâs mouth very lightly, then once more a little firmer and Gavin woke up abruptly with a gasp.
Gavin rubbed his eyes and shook his head slightly. What the fuck did he just dream about? Why did he dream about the priest like that? He was not a faggot. Gavin bit his bottom lip roughly and dug at the bandage on his thigh trying to get under it to pick and dig at his cuts on his thigh. âWhat the fuck?â He mumbled to himself and finally worked his fingers under the bandage and picked until all the cut were bleeding. He dug his fingers into the open wounds and hissed. He needed to start praying, he needed to find God again. It was wrong to think of your priest like that.
He felt fucking disgusting, but more horrified when a nurse walked in and saw him picking at his cuts. He was positive she could hear all his thoughts. âGavin! Donât pick at your bandages, stop, Iâll change them. Whatâs wrong?â She pushed his hands away, pulling the blankets down. Gavin felt the burning need to get out of there but he was hooked up to too many machines.
Gavin pulled the blankets back up to hide the hard on he was sporting. Fuck he was so mortified, this couldn't have been worse. Gavin dug his fingers into his cuts further and bit his bottom lip. âNothing it's fine! Just leave me alone!â Gavin almost yelled, he hated himself so much. âPlease just leave me aloneâŠâ
The nurse gave him a peculiar look. âYou probably need more morphine, Gavin, your bruises are just starting to really develop. You can't pick at these cuts.â She grabbed her chart and wrote up a few things on his file. Right when Gavin felt the situation couldn't get more embarrassing, he saw Father Ramsey walking down the hallway to his room.
He was carrying some breakfast and decorative fruits in a basket.
Gavin felt his face heat up and he literally felt like he was going to die of embarrassment. âOkay I'll stop. Just I-I wanna be alone for a while.â Though he knew he wouldn't be alone for too long. Gavin couldn't take much more of this, he didn't like the way the nurse was looking at him, but at least his hard on was going away. He felt so awkward, and tensed up when Father Ramsey came into the room. Fuck, it was not good timing.
The nurse sighed and adjusted Gavinâs IV, hooking him up to a small amount of morphine dilluted in water. She left at the same time Father Ramsey leaned in and gently tapped on the door with his knuckles. âMay I?â He looked over at Gavin with his blue eyes that suddenly Gavin couldnât stop noticing, it made his skin itchy in embarrassment.
Gavin shook his head. âYou didn't have to,â he mumbled and bit his bottom lip. âWhy're you here so early?â He mumbled as he gripped the hospital sheets and dug his fingers into his already bleeding cuts. âThank you.â
âI didnât get much rest last night⊠The choir pitched in to give you this basket. I only told them to keep you in their prayers,â Ramsey said as he stepped inside the room and closed the door, putting the fruit basket on Gavinâs tray beside his phone. Barbara had been trying to call him off the hook the second she found out. âI was just concerned. I can be going if you prefer.â He noticed Gavinâs hand under the sheets, where he was making his leg bleed. âAre you alright? Should I get a nurse?â He pulled the chair up to Gavinâs bedside and grabbed some bandages off the counter.
Gavin shook his head and sighed. âNo it's okay. I was kinda hoping you would come by. I kinda wanted to pray with you.â Gavin said softly and picked a thick scab off his thigh and winced. âFuck⊠I'm sorryâŠâ He mumbled and rubbed his forehead. âI'm just really having a hard time with this, all of it.â Gavin sighed heavily and held tighter onto the rosary in his other hand.
âI'm glad you kept my rosary, we can pray together. Let me change these though⊠They don't look so good.â He carefully peeled off the bandages on Gavinâs thigh and suddenly he was reminded of the dream, and Ramsey was too close for comfort. Or rather discomfort maybe. The priest laid new bandages over the wounds and took out a crucifix necklace from his shirt. âLet us prayâŠâ He held his palm out for Gavin to connect his hand and closed his eyes.
Gavin hesitated a second before placing his hand in Father Ramseyâs and closed his own eyes. He held onto the cross at the end of the prayer beads. He couldn't believe how fucking flustered he was with all this. Why was he having wet dreams about his priest? Maybe it was because he was the first person in a long time to show him affection, or to seem like he cared. Gavin shook his head and sighed. âOkay⊠Ready.â
Ramsey could notice how sweaty Gavinâs palm was and he peeked a glance at the boy. He was a little confused by Gavinâs nervousness but he continued with Our Father.
Father Ramsey knew each prayer like the back of his hand in English and in Latin, just listening to his voice started to calm Gavinâs nerves.
âHail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with theeâŠâ
After each prayer, the priest rotated the beads in Gavinâs hand.
Gavin held the man's hand tighter, focusing on Father Ramsey's words. Gavin joined in reciting them under his breath because he didn't want to over power the priest's soothing voice with his own. Gavin hung his head after the third citation and just listened to Father Ramsey finish the rosary.
When the manâs voice stopped and they sat there quietly and Gavin lifted his head to look at the priest. âAmen.â Gavin made the sign of the cross and smiled softly. âThank you.â
âOf course, Gavin,â Father Ramsey returned a warm smile and put away his crucifix, carefully letting go of the boyâs hand. He turned the TV on in the corner of the room and gave the remote to Gavin, giving him his pocket Bible as well. âI can be leaving, if you want to rest, I just wanted to be sure you were alright.â
Gavin nodded. âThank you I appreciate it. But you don't have to leave if you don't want to.â Gavin held the rosary and the pocket Bible closer to his chest. âI'm sorry about all this. I know it's not my fault, but I'm still sorryâŠâ Gavin sighed and hung his head, he definitely felt like this was all his fault.
âNo, Gavin, don't say that,â Father Ramsey replied earnestly. âYou don't deserve this. I'd like to stay for awhile, maybe I'll be able to get some sleep after praying with you.â He leaned back in his chair. âYou can always come to the chapel if you're feeling unsafe, I'll leave a key for you, though I stay there late more times than not.â
A woman in a black blazer walked into the room and Ramsey sat up properly again. âGavin Free? I'm Rachel, I've been assigned to you from the state. I'll be your social worker.â
Gavin looked at Father Ramsey. âWhy do I need a social worker? Can Father Ramsey sit in just for the first time. I'm not comfortable right now.â He mumbled and bit his bottom lip roughly. âWhat do you have to talk to me about?â
âSome details of your condition required I come,â she explained as she took a seat on the other side of Gavinâs bedside. âFor the first meeting, he can stay, though it's not protocol.â She took out Gavinâs medical files. âI just want to start by asking how you're feeling, Gavin. How's your mental health? I was informed of the ligature marks on your legs. Talk to me about those.â
âBut if I want him here he can stay right?â Gavin asked and set the Bible and rosary on his lap. He didn't know where to fucking begin, or how to begin. âI'm being bullied at school⊠My parents tell me it's normal, and that my dad was bullied when he was in school. My mom and dad don't understand. They donât try to understand. A kid takes my lunch money, he calls me a faggot. I'm so tired of living to be honest. No one cares about me. Or it feels that way.â
âIâm sorry to hear that, Gavin. No child deserves that⊠So you feel like your parents donât hear  you, who brought you to the hospital after your attack?â she asked.
Ramsey hesitated before speaking up. âI did, actually, he was near my Church so I brought him inâŠâ
âGavin, did you hurt yourself with these marks? Who attacked your face so viciously?â she had to officially get his answer on record.
Gavin ran his thumb over his bandaged cuts. âDid I hurt myself? Of course. I cut my thigh. And the kid who bullies me bashed my face in.â He mumbled and rubbed his forehead. âI hate myself, I hate everything about myself.â Gavin sighed and hung his head, pushing on the bandage, sending sharp shooting pain down his leg.
Instinctively Geoff jutted his hand out and grabbed Gavinâs wrist, stopping him from messing with the bandage. âOh, sorry⊠Try not to pick at them, Gavin.â Something about listening to Gavinâs timid voice made his heart ache. He didn't want Gavin feeling these kinds of feelings, let alone being attacked for them. âThere's nothing to hate about yourself.â He let go of Gavinâs wrist and put his hands back on his lap, not making eye contact with the social worker.
âHe is right, I think it would be a good idea for you to stay here for a few days, a week tops, to get some legitimate therapy and recovery.â She continued writing on Gavinâs clipboard. âIf we feel you're a current harm to yourself, we must keep you here.â
Gavin sighed softly and nodded. He felt his eyes tear up because he didn't understand why everything felt like it was all falling apart at once. âI just hate living, I doubt I could kill myself, but I just hate everything about myself and my life. Everyone tells me it's normal to go through this⊠But I don't think so.â He mumbled and picked at the blanket. Gavin wanted to pick at the cuts on his thigh, but he knew Father Ramsey would get angry.
âWeâre very sorry this happened to you, Gavin, you'll be assigned a psychiatrist for your stay here. We want you to focus on recovery, you'll be back to your normal life before you know it,â she promised, though that really sounded less appealing than she intended. âThe classmate responsible will be held responsible. Alright? I'll inform the doctor of my report.â She stood up and carefully shook Gavinâs hand, leaving before he could add anything else. She must've had a full schedule.
Father Ramsey stayed, still watching Gavin subserviently. âWell, she was concise.â He smiled. âDo you want me to read you some passages?â
Gavin sighed and rubbed his eyes. âShe didn't care. No one cares about me. My mom may care but not enough, and dad hates me. I'm so tired of living and feeling like a piece of shit.â Gavin sighed heavily and bit at the skin on his lip. âI'm sorry⊠You can read passages to me.â
Father Ramsey scooted closer to the side of Gavinâs hospital bed, taking the bible off his lap and opening it to one of his favorite passages. âPlease hang in there, Gavin⊠I'll do anything I can to help. Just don't give up,â he said in a soft voice. âPlease, Gavin.â
Gavin shrugged and grabbed the rosary on his lap, accidentally brushing his fingers against the priestâs. He didn't say anything about it but he really wished he could hold the priestâs hand. He just needed some kind of comfort, but just having the priest there made him feel a little better. Gavin sighed and rubbed his burning eye. âI'll try FatherâŠâ
âThat's the bravest thing a man can do,â Father Ramsey leafed through the thin papers, resting his hand on a page to begin reading.
~ ~ ~
His mother came by hours later, only to find that Father Ramsey and Gavin both dozed off, one from lack of sleep and one from listening to Bible passages.
âFather Ramsey? What're you doing here at this time?â The priest stirrerd abruptly and almost dropped the Bible.
âOh, Mrs. Free⊠My word, I'm sorry,â he replied in a hushed tone. âI came in the morning, I must've fallen asleep in my chair.â
Gavin had his hand on Father Ramseyâs, sleeping soundly.
Mrs. Free looked at the priest. âWell thank you for coming to see him. I appreciate it.â She said softly and sat in the other chair by the door. âHe's actually sleeping, so has anyone said anything to you about him?â She asked softly and fiddled with her purse straps.
Ramsey didn't have the heart to move his hand, or a muscle for that matter but he gestured to the chair on Gavinâs opposite side. âA social worker did come visit, she was worried about the self inflicted wounds⊠They want to keep him under watch for a few days, I think. It will give him some time to recover anyways.â
Mrs. Free nodded and sat in the chair on the other side of the boyâs bed. âI feel bad. I'm sure I couldâve stopped all this.â Mrs. Free touched her sons face and sighed heavily. âI feel like a lot of this is my fault.â
âYou can't blame yourself, Mrs. Free, these kinds of things are the least controllable.â He stood up and walked around the bed, putting his palm on the motherâs shoulder. âHere⊠I should be going back to my house, but take my personal number. Give it to Gavin too, I'll be back to visit tomorrow after I clean myself up. Okay?â He wrote his number on a hospital notepad and gave it to her. âHe loves you, Mrs. Free, I think all he needs right now is support and Godâs light.â
Mrs. Free nodded and touched the priestâs hand. âThank you so much Father. I appreciate it so muchâŠâ She said softly and bit her bottom lip. âGavin needs you too. I can tell he trusts you. Thank you for being here for us.â Mrs. Free said softly as she touched the boyâs side. She really hoped the boy would better soon.
The priest turned and left the room, hesitating to get another glance at Gavinâs sleeping, peaceful but bruised face. It tore him up, made him feel some kind of need to protect. He was supposed to believe God took care of all His children, but it didn't feel like that now. It felt too personal. He walked down the hallway away from the room, thoughts busied.
Gavin didn't wake until the sun had set, his mother was still there keeping him company but a part of him was disappointed to not see Ramsey there anymore. Barbara had rung his phone endlessly, her ringtone woke Gavin from his trance.
Gavin picked up his phone and answered it. âHi Barb! I'm sorry!â He said into the phone before she could yell at him. âWhy don't you save the yelling till you come see me at the hospital? I'd rather you yell at me in person. My mom will meet you at front entrance and bring you up.â
âI'm already here, jagweed! They won't let me in to see you, send your mom out now,â she hollered loud enough for Gavinâs mother to hear her queue.
Gavin hung up and laughed softly. âI couldn't deal with her yelling at me on the phone.â He said softly to his mom. âI'm sorry about everything I've put you throughâŠâ
âOh don't fret, Gavin⊠You're a blessing for me.â She kissed her sonâs forehead and got up, heading to the front desk to allow Barb in. She paced down the hall, holding a pile of books and a box of candies.
She looked more than appalled when her eyes first met Gavinâs black ones. âJesus christ! Gavin, I was so damn worriedâŠâ She didn't care enough about cursing in front of his mother, she was so pent up.
Gavin smiled at Barbara and held his arms out. âI'm so sorry Barb. I've been too sore to do anything reallyâŠâ He said softly and hugged the girl once she put the books on the end of the bed. âI'm sorryâŠâ He mumbled voice shaking as he felt his eyes well up.
âDon't be sorry!â Barb exclaimed as she leaned to hug Gavin tighter. âI'm not leavinâ your side until you're better, Gav. Your mother told me you've been out cold for the past 36 hours⊠Is there anything I can get you? I brought some of your favorite candy and the homework. You can just copy mine.â She smiled and pulled up a chair close to the bedside. âWhat happened?â
Gavin smiled and held her hand. âMom can you give us a minute? Maybe you should get yourself a coffee or something?â Gavin said not taking his swollen eyes off Barbara.
Mrs. Free nodded and smiled. âOkay. I'll go get us something to drink. I'll be back.â She turned and left the two kids alone.
âMichael beat me up in the shower. Then told the principal that I was checking him out and that I'm a fag. So I got suspended for ten days. My parents came to the school to pick me up. And I tried to explain what really happened.â He sighed and closed his eyes. âWhen we finally got home my dad beat the shit outta me. All Michael did was fracture my nose. My dad did everything else. He said he doesn't raise faggots.â
Barb covered her mouth with her hand and grabbed onto Gavinâs arm with her other. âG-Gavin⊠Oh my god.â She shakily let her breath out and scooted closer, lowering the rail on Gavinâs bedside so she could rest her forehead on his arm. âI'm so fucking happy you're alright. Your dad should be in jail, that's fucking awful. Are you really alright?â
Gavin shook head. âI'm not alright. I don't wanna be here and I don't wanna be at home. I did nothing wrong but I still got punished for it. I'm glad you came to visit. Cause usually it was mom or Father Ramsey.â
Barb sighed and looked up at Gavin, her blonde curls resting on the bed. âFather Ramsey visited you? Thatâs right, I heard he was the one that brought you here⊠what a nice guy. Though I suppose you have to be nice to be a priest, but itâs weird that heâs so cute at the same time.â She laughed a bit. âSorry. Thatâs not appropriate⊠Jesus, you look like total shit, Gavin.â
Gavin laughed and smiled at Barb. âEveryone says he's cute, I think my mom thinks he's cute too. I didn't know where else to go at the time. I didn't want your mom and dad to see me and the church was closer.â Gavin said softly and squeezed her hand. âI feel like total shit.â
âIs there anything I can do?â She pushed the candy onto Gavinâs lap. âIâll stay with you âtil youâre better. Or until my mom calls and yells at me to come home for dinner. Whichever comes first.â She smiled. âBut Iâll be back after school hours. Okay?â
His mother was waiting outside, giving the two some time together. She still hadnât heard from her husband and she didnât want to go home until he was out for work.
Gavin nodded and opened the box of candies. âHave some candy with me. I just feel really shitty about it. I miss you I'm sorry it took me so long to call you.â He said softly and leaned his head on top of hers. âThank you.â Gavin smiled happily and closed his eyes. âI'm so tired. Is Michael back yet? Bragging about beating up a faggot?â
Barb shook her head. âActually the opposite, his suspension was raised to an OSS too! They arenât able to charge him but heâs suspended out of school for another week. I think the authorities thought heâd done all of this to you⊠But fuck it, he deserves it for what he did.â She squeezed Gavinâs hand. âDonât worry, I came by to visit you a few times but they wouldnât let me in because Iâm a minor and I wasnât a family member. They told me youâd been resting though.â
Gavin smiled and nodded. âGood. I want you to come back tomorrow. I've missed you.â He giggled and held onto the girl's hand tighter. âI'm scared to go home⊠I don't want my dad to beat me up again. I guess if Michael doesn't make advances on me he won't.â He laughed softly and then sighed. âI hate this. I bet mom's scared to be alone with him now too.â
âThat's not your fault, Gav. Do you really think you can't tell them about your father? That's so fucked up⊠I've missed you too. School ain't the same without you in study hall. I hope this heals up fastâŠâ She knew her mom wouldn't give her much more time before curfew, but at least the morphine was making Gavin drowsy again.
âI think it's good Michael got what should've been coming to him.â Gavin mumbled and laid out in his hospital bed. âAfter my ten day suspension I'm sure I'll be fine to come back to school. Thank you for coming to see me. I expect you back tomorrow!â He laughed and let his eyes slip shut. âThanks, Barb. Love you.â
âLove you too, kiddo.â She picked up her phone and quietly walked out of the room before answering the call. His mother waved goodbye and took her seat, letting her son rest.
~ ~ ~
Father Ramsey came back the third day, and the fourth, the fifth. He brought cupcakes this time, having taken them from the choirâs Christmas party. He gave them to Gavin, whoâs bruises were starting to yellow and cuts scab over with black blood. At least his face wasnât swollen, even if both of his eye sockets were purple.
âMerry Christmas Eve, Gavin.â He sat in one of the chairs and put the cupcakes on Gavinâs tray.
Gavin smiled brightly and reached for the cupcakes. âI'm gonna get fat! But thank you. Merry Christmas Eve.â Gavin smiled even wider and handed the priest a cupcake. âEat one with me. That way you can get fat too.â He chuckled. Gavin always looked forward to seeing the priest there was something about him that just made him happy to see him. âFather⊠Do you know when I'm going to be allowed out?â Gavin asked softly and looked at the beautifully iced cupcake.
âWell, since classes are let out for Christmas break since last Monday, you have more time to recover.â Ramsey took a bite out of one of the cupcakes, getting frosting on the stubble of his upper lip and laughing. âI think I heard them say they'll let you out in a couple more days. You can help me in Sunday school whenever you're feeling up to it. Christmas chapel is a huge task without an altar boy, but don't feel pressure to go tomorrow. Theyâd have to allow you temporary leave⊠I helped make the frosting on these.â
Gavin smiled as he took a big bite out of the cupcake. âThey're so good. But I wanna help you tomorrow. I just want out of here so I can lay at home and do whatever I want. I'm not going to break my neck.â Gavin mumbled and looked at Ramsey. âThank you for coming to visit me everyday, Father Ramsey. I appreciate it.â
Ramsey shook his head. âDonât worry about it. Outside of the chapel, you donât have to address me so formally. My first name is Geoff, so if you need me you can call me that.â
Gavin smiled and nodded. âOkay. Wouldn't it be weird for me to call you Geoff?â He bit his bottom lip. âSo when can I go home? I miss my playing my video games.â He giggled and reached for the priest's hands. âWill you pray with me again today? I look forward to praying with you.â Gavin slipped his slender fingers over Geoff's palms held onto his hands lightly.
The priestâs hands stiffened for a moment before he warmed up and smiled. âSure. It's strange, even after being called Father Ramsey for years on end, I respond to âGeoffâ so much quicker. I guess some things you can't let go completely⊠Perhaps it wouldn't be appropriate in social situations like church, but you can think of me as a priest and a friend elsewise.â His hands formed into sign of prayer, causing Gavinâs fingers to slide over his black inked knuckles. Half of them were still covered up in faded makeup.
Gavin looked down at their hands and noticed the dark markings under his tanned fingers. He'd wait till after praying to ask the priest about them. Gavin relaxed as he held the man's hands and recited a couple Hail Maryâs and Our Fatherâs. Geoff took a couple minutes of silence to pray on his own so Gavin did so too. âAmenâŠâ Gavin said softly, leaving his hands in Geoffâs. âFather⊠Uh Geoff. What are those things on your knuckles?â Gavin asked, softly rubbing his thumb against his fingers revealing a couple tattoos. âOhâŠâ
Geoffâs fingers twitched a little at the gesture, he spread his fingers out flat. âOh,â he echoed. âThey're tattoos. Old ones, from before I joined the monastery.â He pulled his hands away, the warmth of Gavinâs palms were too noticeable now. âI usually keep them covered up, helps me fit in a bit more with the other priests, you know, just the visible ones at least.â It wasn't until he said that did Gavin realize the priest was wearing a grey, long sleeve shirt again today. He was almost always covered. âOld runes, symbols, to be honest I don't remember getting most of them.â
Gavin looked at Geoff and bit his bottom lip. âWhat do you mean just the visible ones? You have more than a couple?â Gavin asked softly and reached for the manâs hand again. âAre they just symbols? This one looks like a moon, and this one an arrow.â Gavin rubbed his thumb against the darkening ink. âI like them. I would've mind seeing the other ones one day. Geoff⊠What happened before you joined the monastery?â Gavin asked softly still holding the priest's hand, but quickly let go of it.
Geoff looked slightly distracted, like he didnât fully hear the question. He was just looking down at their hands. âUm, sorry, before the monastery?â He rubbed the old concealer off his knuckles, showing the dark ink that was still there. âYeah, this oneâs a crown, and a bolt⊠I donât usually show them to anyone, I havenât tried to cover them again since a couple days ago. I was a wayward kid⊠I shouldnât get into it. Try to leave that part of me in the past.â
Gavin held the manâs hands and smiled brightly. âI like them. I know it's in the past but I wanna know about your past, maybe one day. It would really be nice.â Gavin said as he traced the thick dark tattoos. âYou have one on your hands too? That's so cool. I would love a tattoo. I know it's not the best thing in the world but I think they represent part of you and your life,â he mumbled as he continued to trace the ink.
âAhm, I don't know about that.â He wanted to take his hands away, something felt wrong about it but it was such a calming touch. He briefly glanced through the window into the hallway, just to see if anyone was noticing them. âI wish I hadn't gotten these⊠It was a really dark time in my life that I'd rather forget about.â He was looking at his tattoos like he was remembering vague, blurry memories about them and Gavin couldn't stop wondering what they were. âYou have nice skin, keep it clean. Or at least get tattooed out of joy instead of hate.â
Gavin looked up at the priest. âI'm sorry.â He quickly pulled his hands away from Geoff's and squeezed his hands together trying to forget about the feel of the man's hands in his. Gavin sat there in silence, wishing the man would tell him what happened, what he did before he became a priest.
Geoff unwrapped the rosary that was always tied to his wrist, rolling up his sleeve just a few inches to show Gavin a small portion of his tattoos what werenât covered. The ink was dark, colorful, under his wrist was a tattoo of a syringe filled with yellow liquid.
âDonât be sorry. I always try to keep this one out of sight. I left home when I was 17, at least I left my father. Didnât know my mother. But I got most of these tattoos when I struggled with drugs. Not a proud time in my life.â Geoff trailed off, thinking about that old feeling, how good it felt, it still tempted him. âI got clean though.â
Gavin touched the small tattoo and traced the dark ink and then touched the yellow ink. âThey're really bright⊠But I can see why you don't like them, I don't blame you. I'm sorry.â He said as he reached out to touch his skin. Gavin pulled away quickly and placed his hands in his lap. âAt least you're clean and doing something good with your life. I didn't know priest's could have tattoos.â
âMost men in the brotherhood donât,â Geoff assured with a small laugh. âI donât think the priests in the monastery knew I had as many as I do. I kept them under wraps pretty well, kind of forgot about them myself.â He flickered his gaze at Gavin, smiling a little. âGod was very forgiving to me, as was the monastery. I wound up in the hospital on an overdose at 23, and I knew I needed to find a better place for myself. Iâd apparently been to that hospital on multiple occasions though, so I knew then I really needed to.â He shook his head. âHow about yourself though, what do you want to be when you grow up?â
Gavin shrugged and looked at Geoff. âI don't know what I wanna do⊠I did want to go into video game design, or do something that would make people laugh.â Gavin shrugged again and sighed. âI don't know what I wanna do anymore.â Gavin mumbled and looked over at the priest wondering how much more of his skin was covered in those dark line, and colourful shadings.
âYouâd be good at that. I think you bring a lot more happiness to people than you realize,â the priest said as he rolled down his long sleeve and wrapped the rosary back in itâs place. âA lot of people don't know about my tattoos or past habits, I'd appreciate you not pointing them out. A young priest gets a lot of scrutinization from the clergy as it is.â
Gavin nodded and looked at the manâs hands. âYou should cover these back up. Just in case someone wants to shake hands or say hi to you.â Gavin said softly as he touched the bolt on his knuckle. âThank you for showing me, you didn't have to. I won't tell a soul, I promise.â Gavin smiled brightly.
âThanks. Secrets lead to evil but I can comfortably say there are no secrets between me and God. I think this is where He wants me to be.â Geoff hesitated before pulling his hands away. âI'll ask the doctor about letting you attend Christmas mass tomorrow, if he thinks you can manage, you can help me. But you're staying here until it's deemed safe. Okay? I've got to go home before the Eve chapel tonight.â
Gavin nodded and fiddled with his fingers. âOkay. I wouldn't mind leaving here anyway. I'm tired of laying in this hospital bed,â he murmured and stretched his arms above his head, arching his back. His shirt rode up on his stomach and he groaned. âI feel like I'm going crazy!â
The priest stood up quickly, redirecting his gaze. Something about Gavinâs breath, the way his frame and ribs looked when he stretched like that, it made Geoff want to stare. He shoved the thoughts away and nodded. âPatience is a virtue,â he offered with a meek laugh, exiting the room before he changed his mind.
He hadn't felt that way in years and it disturbed him, like the safe haven of purity he constantly hid in was shaking from its foundation. Geoff knew of the tests of faith but he still felt out of line. The nurses granted Geoffâs request, having monitored his recovery they readied him to be released and called his mother.
Gavin ran his fingers through his hair, not wanting Geoff to leave already. He sighed and tugged at his hair a little. Gavin laid down in the bed and curled up under the sheets. Gavin closed his eyes and bit his bottom lip. He wanted to go back to sleep, he felt dumb for caring and asking Geoff about stuff he shouldn't be asking him.
Gavin snapped out of it when he heard a knock on the door, the priest was there with a nurse. âThey say youâre prepared for release, Gavin. You just have to come back here for a few scheduled appointments with the doctor and psychiatrist, but youâll get to sleep in your own bed.â He put his hands into his jean pockets while the nurse nodded and stepped into the room, carefully removing Gavinâs IV.
Gavin let out a small sigh of relief as he waited for the nurse to finish detaching him from the machines. He got out of the bed and fixed his boxers. He never had pants on while he was in the bed. It felt too weird. He pulled on a pair of sweatpants that his mom had brought him. âSo are you gonna wait until my mom gets here? You don't have to if you don't want to.â
âI donât think your motherâs ever seen me without my priestâs uniform on⊠but I want to stay.â Geoff wouldnât direct his gaze at Gavin while he got dressed. âYour mother said sheâd be over in a few minutes.â He noticed Gavin was keeping his prayer beads, spare rosary, and Bible, he packed it into his school bag. Geoff felt like he had been doing at least one thing right spending so much time with Gavin. âHave the prayers been helping you?â he asked.
Gavin nodded and looked at Geoff. âYeah, it has helped a little bit. I'm glad you were here to help me.â He said softly and picked up his bag. He set it on the hospital bed and walked over to the priest. âThank you so much for everything.â He mumbled and wrapped his arms around the priest and patted his back. âI appreciate it.â
Geoff was surprised at first, maybe a little flustered. Physical contact wasnât something he recieved very often as a priest. The boyâs body was so scrawny and warm, he hugged Gavin back, putting his palm on the boyâs back for just half a second. âAnytime,â he answered. âMy chapelâs always open for you if you donât feel safe. If you feel threatened by anyone, take this key.â He took it out of his pocket, a rusty old thing that unlocked the back doors to the chapel.
Gavin smiled happily and nodded giving him another hug. âThank you so much Geoff. I appreciate it.â He said softly and bit his bottom lip. Gavin pulled away and sat on the bed waiting for his mom to come pick him up. âI canât wait to have some real food.â Gavin said softly and tugged on his greasy hair.
Geoff waved down the hallway when he saw Mrs. Free. âYour motherâs here, she'll take you home for a real shower too.â He laughed lightly then cleared his throat. âI'll see you tonight. Don't be late.â He smiled.
âDear, you ready to get out of here? You sure you're feeling well enough?â she asked as she held her hand out.
Gavin nodded and took his mom's hand. âI'm ready. I'm well enough.â Gavin smiled brightly. âI can't wait to get home and shower. And eat real food!â He laughed and picked up his small duffel bag. âBye Father, I'll see you tonight.â He smiled broadly and let the priest go ahead of them.
His father was at work, though he often didn't come home at night either. He knew his wife didn't want to talk to him. Gavinâs mother drove through a cheap fast food joint for him and brought him home, where he just wanted to take a percocet for his nose and pass out on his bed before the eve mass.
Born Sick - Chapter 1
Pairing: Geoff/Gavin
Rating: NC-17, explicit language & religious themes
The devil was always easy to escape. Geoff thought that was part of his calling, the ability to resist temptation. He held it under his skin. If only he knew the devil had never bothered to narrow its gaze on him before.
Crucify My Love - Chapter 20
(final chapter)