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Collar Full | JJK

*thanks @namluve for the amazing banner, i love it so much and you were so patient with me ily

Pairing: Jeongguk x reader

Genre: fluff, maybe like...very light angst, f2l, college au

WC: 20k

Warnings: angst, language

Summary: Jeongguk asks you to help him make a short film for the girl he’s been crushing on which leads to one (fake) romantic summer

a/n: yay, i did it! this is my first submission for the bangtan boardwalk collab, tis a fluff piece. i’m nervous and excited to see what people think, so yeah. a big thank you to my beta @namluve for looking over some of this for me as well as @honsoolie for giving it a glimpse in the earlier stages. thank you to @mindays for dealing with me at all lmao and @hobiance i await your tasty review :D

song inspo: collar full- p!atd

masterlist

Golden film filters through waxed lenses, the call of the silver screen itching at the canister draped to your side. Fingers slip along freshly printed scripts, your eyes following the drop of dialogue as it floats through hallowed canals. The acceleration in tempo nudges at your brain, eyes pulling inward at the uneven flow. Your hand falls to scrunched shoulders, Jeongguk glancing up at you for confirmation.

“Cut!” Audible groans follow his edged tone, extras scurrying to first position while you step toward the center, lips pursed.

“What is it?” You’re addressed, tone clipped, by lead actress Kyung-Soon. Her lengthy hair tosses over sharp shoulders with an icy glare. You wince at the challenge, hours spent couped tensing the assemblage.

“Your volume was a little uneven and your pace was getting choppy near the middle of your dialogue.” You speak as Jeongguk saunters over, fingers coming to pinch the bridge of his nose, the audible scoff from the center of the floor an unwelcome precursor to unscripted dramatics. “I’m sure you’ll get it if we just take five and run it again.”

“You’ve been saying that for the past hour, I don’t know what you want from me!”

Your hands fold into the creases of your jacket sleeves, the pinch of your nerves forcing the bite of teeth into fleshed cheeks. Jeongguk glances with a tilt of his head, lips already pulling into a honeyed smile, unbridled by the fatigue tugging at worn lids. You step away, eyes landing on the corner farthest from the problem ever current.

Your warm skin presses against the cool of unmarred brick, hands gripping tugged roots in frustrated silence. Your eyes cover the expanse of the room, decidedly focusing on Jeongguk. His hair lay unkempt from the missing cap that nestled atop his head for the duration of production and his hand lay against the skin of Kyung’s arm who smiles with every inch she can manage.

Rolling eyes and a shifted gaze befalls your attention to Taehyung who leans against the opposing wall, the thick lens of his camera pressed to scrutinizing pupils. You drag over like dead weight, pushing up against the paneling with a poke to Taehyung’s cheek. The camera falls from his face, surprise painting him like a prized portrait.

“He sure knows how to work a room,” His chin juts to the fresh faced director now entertaining a crowd befitting a soap box. You huff, a halfhearted sound, your head drifting from side to side in a smooth swivel.

“Too bad his endless charm can’t get us to a passing grade. I’m pretty sure my brain is going to shut down if I have to spend another second trying to work with Kyung-Soon.”

“Yeah, she’s definitely...something.” You hum, her audible laugh proof enough of her swelled ego and lack of the subtle nature. “Maybe she’ll look better in post.”

Jeongguk rises to his feet, the muscles of his thighs noticeably flexing in his fit jeans. You meet him halfway, his stride focused in your direction. He peeks over his shoulder at the crew splayed under the artificial lighting, his tongue coming to brush the corner of his lips.

“I think we should call it for the night. Everyone is just getting frustrated, we’re all tired,” He speaks in emphasis, brow raising at your swift agreement, his suggestions usually not without counters. The sludge settled in place of your brain neglects to process him enough to form a sentence of coherence, instead returning with a silent salute and a turn of the heel.

Grunting at the haphazard manner of their disposal, you scoop up discarded scripts. An attempt to ignore the freshly folded tips and crevices, leaves you slipping the packets into your satchel, the weight already half a step past crippling. Jeongguk’s insistence of drafts and rewrites on hand evident in the added strain. Your phone is fished from deep pockets, the scroll of notifications drinking in your attention.

“You wanna ride back together? I wanted to talk to you about something.” Your eyes lift from the brights of your screen. Jeongguk stands before you, hands shoved into leather pockets, amicable grin showcasing cheeky divots. Your ride flags you over broad shoulders, your third roommate not without an unsuspecting fourth party attached to his hip. “I was gonna stop for a bite to eat if you’re interested in avoiding that.”

“Gladly,” A shooing hand sends Taehyung and his companion ambling to an exit flooded with half-zombies trekking into the near night. The tug of your bag draws rapt attention, the fear of torn seams pulling a breathy groan. The alternative is an inked hand hinting reprieve.

“I didn’t realize this was so heavy, you should’ve said something.” Jeongguk easily unloads the weighted burden, his own bag loosed to his unwavering grip. Your shoulders roll in an attempt to regain flow of blood as you fall into stride.

A step into the night reveals summer in full swing. The humid air nips at tepid cheeks, the warmth swallowing you like a venus fly. It’s a feeling akin to comfort without the fuzz of a thickened throw and the hum of scratched records. Your inhale is deep, the bump of arms drawing a sigh from sealed lips.

The dark of Jeongguk’s jeep falls into view, set against the backdrop of stars and a moon at half crescent. The spill of a filtered streetlamp floods the vehicle, teasing the cinematic. The aesthetic draws you, the accidental mise en scene striking your mind’s eye.

“I still cannot believe you actually bought this thing,” The words are uttered with every trip of your accompaniment, but Jeongguk only finds enjoyment in your awe stricken musings.

You swing into the passenger, foot remaining at a dangle from the doorless entrance. Jeongguk tucks loose items safely into the boot catapulting in after you with a goofy half grin. “I told you it would happen! Doorless jeep andー”

“Sex on the beach, I remember. Though I do hope the second is still an empty promise,” Your words are hushed, the late hour drawing oxygen from your lungs in a premature yawn. “Dinner’s on you, right?”

“Excuse me?” Jeongguk gawks as you settle in for the argument of ages untold, food the one thing left without compromise. Your eyes trail the growth of trees as he pulls from the parking lot. “I think it’s your turn to buy me dinner.”

“You invited me!”

“Exactly, common courtesy says that you should repay my kindness with a free meal.”

Banter carries you to the lot of your local haunt, the gentle breeze filtering through free space, ghosting a chill over your exposed skin. Your finger pokes at risen bumps, hair shooting upwards in response to the drop in temperature. You watch in envy, Jeongguk shedding the heavy leather that coats his arms, swiping tendrils of dark locks from his obstructed eye-line. The human furnace tosses the hunk of fabric, smothering you with the thick material.

“One ketchup stain and I’m turning you in.” The jacket shrugs over your shoulders, a satisfied hum falling from your lips. Feet thud against cracked concrete, Jeongguk rounding the car and tossing a muscled arm to wrap your shoulders. Leather and perspiration swimming circles around sensitive nostrils.

The ding overhead and the shift of starved patrons alerts your senses to the promise of food, a growl, low and fierce, ripping from your midsection. If the sound is heard it’s ignored, Jeongguk releasing you to claim the corner booth, untouched by the crowd of old. The drop of lamination is upon you before you’ve been met with the plush of vinyl cushion, your finger pushing the menu to level with the expanse of the table.

“Can we just get two orders of burgers with fries and two shakes, one strawberry and one vanilla.” Jeongguk recites, your menu snatched just as gentle fingers comb the pointed edge. “I don’t know why you always pretend to look at these things.”

“You never know, maybe they’ve added something new!”

“I don’t think they’ve added anything new since this place opened. The grease stains have grease stains.”

You fiddle with loose silverware, angling the scratched metal against opposing edges to develop makeshift goal posts for your four pronged opponents. Not too soon your waitress returns with water, your fingers swiping the straws, ridding them of thin paper wraps. You scrunch the casings together, the formation of one large ball nestled at the midway mark.

“You’re really doing this?”

“No…” A fork slides in the direction of Jeongguk, his fingers interlocked and brows raised. He takes hold, expertly twirling his player around agile fingers. “We’re doing this.”

A reminiscent act, days before evenings consisted of the monotony of college boredom, the lock of a dorm and the incessant tapping of overworked keys. The two of you would inhabit this very booth, teeth pulling lips to snug corners, a handful of shakes down open hatches. You tilt your head for the dramatic, the pop of muscles only fueling the boy across the way. He slips a straw through parted lips, gulping deftly from the fresh glass, ice clinking against perspired edges.

“I would think that by now you would just admit defeat,” Jeongguk quips, elbows braced against rounded corners.

“Oh, I bet you’d love that, wouldn’t you, Kookie?” The twitch of his nose unlocks your playful sneer, the nickname bestowed by lovers past riling him just a hair.

“I see how it is. You’re going down, Y/n/n.” You stare, both awaiting a first move, forks prong down, the rough of metal audible against the scrape of wood. You beat him to jump, the slide of your hand pushing forward to the objective, the ball of paper slipping when Jeongguk moves, hand the speed of light. “Gotta be faster than that.”

You’re both blind to invading stares, all drawn by the routine banter falling uncensored. The flying of curses and grunts of triumph and failure as the wrapper flies with your obscenities carries until the waitress comes bearing plates dripping with comfort. Your fork clatters, the game all but forgotten, your tied score losing out to the grumble of a stomach sensing nourishment. Jeongguk takes your absent attention as opening to his winning shot, sans fork he pinches his fingers in a flick.

Trajectory forgone, the makeshift ball flies just left of you, landing a gentle plop against the cheek of a bending waitress. Lips suctioned you glare at Jeongguk with discontent, the woman only smiling though the subtext is undeniable.

“I’m so sorry!” Charming smile turns to a scolded child, the wet of Jeongguk’s expanded pupils rivaling the eyes of an apologetic pup. Hands clasped and head bowed, he repeats the words, a hopeful mantra diminishing the rehearsal behind an overworked employee. “I wasn’t paying close attention, I really am so sorry.”

“It’s alright dear, I can see why you were so caught up. You’ve got yourself quite a looker,” The heat of already mortified cheeks brings satisfaction with the pop of a fresh fry. Jeongguk flounders for response, waitress dropping a pat to firm shoulders before her quick retreat.

“I guess you do have yourself quite a looker, hmm?” You prod, straw disappearing between soft lips to sip sweet vanilla.

“You’re a looker alright. Good thing looks can’t kill,” He recovers, finger mimicking rapid gunfire.

“At least I’d know how to get rid of you,” Your counter befalls a hand to his heart, fry dangling from salted lips.

“You wound me.”

“Best part of my day.” You shrug taking in the peel of cracked paint against the delicate hold of age old light fixtures, the canary yellow backdrop a dizzying choice against the forest green seating.

Silence settles, comfortable and filled with contented chews and the slurp of thick cream. The attention shifting to you at odd intervals draws your own, Jeongguk dipping his head, ketchup of sudden importance to his marveled stare. You break the silence with a raised brow.

“Is something bothering you?”

“Hmm?”

“You. Something. Bothering?” His shoulders pull to a shrug, a shake of the head, and the flop of a wayward fry onto an almost empty plate. You peer imploringly, fist knocking against the now crumbed table in time with deep inhales. “You said you wanted to talk about something. Is that what’s up?”

“Yeah…” A hand through his hair and a nerve peaked glance is followed by the fold of his fists against the table. You almost chuckle at the accidental dip of his pinky into the ketchup remnants drooping over his plate, but refrain at the sight of his rapt attention. “I wanted to ask a favor.”

~*~

Taehyung slurps half sogged cereal, ears peeled for your tale of infinite whoa. He’d been shocked to hear your rapid paces, the sun just barely glimpsing over clouded horizons. Your hurried explanation followed his task of a sobering breakfast before he prompted the details of your evening.

“What?” Is his response, drowned in his still droused state. Your recount ends with a collapse into the nearest chair, eyes bugged in silent expectation.

“He actually said that to me!” Your hands wave in the animated sort, your lack of sleep, the precursor for three cups of coffee before Taehyung had risen. Your intake provides energy to rival that of a sugar crazed toddler.

“So...Jeongguk asked you to help him wax poetic about some girl he has a crush on in the form of a romance that you’re meant to film with him as his co-star?” Taehyung’s lip twitches, movement too flashed for the naked eye, before downing sugared milk. “You said yes, right?”

“Iーwhat? I said I’d think about it followed by some weird mumbling that I didn’t even understand.”

“You have to say yes,” His words drip with cunning. “I mean, you want him to be happy yeah? If you helping him get the girl is what makes him happy then you have to do it. You’re contractually obligated.”

You inhale, retort settled at the tip of your coffee coated tongue. The stomp of feet down sturdy stairs stops your arrant reply. Jeongguk rounds sharp corners, hand sweeping the lids of sleep burdened eyes. He barely glances in your direction, the tense of the room indicative of the night prior. You slide your empty mug against the table and Taehyung stands, bowl clinking against his spoon.

“I gotta go, not be here, so I’ll see you guys later.” He slips through the door, the front slamming behind him and you seek escape as well. Thoughts a mirage of different emotions, your most current lay in the anxiety of Jeongguk’s words to you just hours ago. His posture had stiffened, hands wringing over the table, and the steady shake of worried legs had not gone unnoticed.

Until the point of hands soaked in grease and stomach filled much the same you’d never heard once an utterance of attraction from Jeongguk. The girl he had hinted at undetected by your curious nature. There was an ache in your stomach, question of your lack of knowledge surrounding your best friend manifesting a guilty conscience.

Your leg stretches in silent contemplation, the slip of the sun past slotted curtains flashing against bare skin. Jeongguk readies breakfast, sipping steadily at a premade protein shake. He grips you with his gaze, bottom lip pulled beneath rounded teeth. You open your mouth, the words almost dying against uncertainty.

“Why didn’t you say something sooner?” Tone feigning nonchalance you pull at a loose thread, the lengthening of the offending string wrapping around the tendrils of your pointer finger.

“What do you mean?”

“Well clearly you’ve been planning this for a while, why wouldn’t you tell me there's someone you like in the first place?”

“I don’t know, it just never came up I guess.” His glass drains with a shrug of his shoulders, his oversized t-shirt dwarfing him despite his thick build. You often muse the duality of him; the outward confidence that spills from his every crevice meeting the awkward shyness that he often portrays in silence. Despite knowing him for years it’s always served a point of bewilderment, the ability to witness both versions.

“It’s never come up? Guk, you’ve listened to me talk about my relationship problems more times than I can count. You’ve never thought that maybe during one of many sleepless nights you could tell me about yours?” You find solace in your stained mug, the confirmation of your dropped ball amplifying Tae’s parting words.

You always want to assure Jeongguk’s happiness. Your own something he keeps at the forefront, but your lack of attention is surely responsible for the gap of knowledge now readily apparent. Your time is spent nearly glued to his side, your summer film keeping you two joined at the hip, and yet the emotional connection seems so suddenly frayed.

“Stop that,” You glance to where he pulls a chair to your left side, hand falling against your thigh. The warmth of his comforting palm draws a cool sigh, your focus on the feel of him being so close. “I didn’t say anything because you were going through your own stuff and I wanted to be there for you.”

“That’s no excuse. I wanna be there for you too, don’t diminish your own feelings just because you feel bad for me.”

“I don’t feel bad for you.”

“Okay, then tell me who it is we’re making this film for before I chuck you out of the window.” Your head drops to his shoulder, arm coming to wrap around his in natural succession.

“You’re gonna help?” His voice is raised an octave, hand squeezing your thigh. Were you not so focused on repairing your own missteps you would notice the subtle shallow of his breathing and the stutter in your chest.

“Of course I am, I want you to be happy.” Your head lifts, a finger tapping the tip of his nose, “Unless it’s Kyung-Soon. I’m sorry, but I just can’t support that.”

“It’s not Kyung-Soon. She’s definitely more interested in what’s below the belt and not what’s beneath the skin.” You nod, glad he can see through her plastered grins and longing stares. “It’s this girl from a theory class I’m taking, Jieun.”

“Oh, Kim Jieun? I think I had a couple of classes with her last semester, she’s cute and really nice.” You recall your straight laced classmate, not much of a speaker, her silent nature to the extreme of Jeongguk’s.

Despite his habit of falling into shelter when faced suddenly with the unfamiliar, Jeongguk is still filled with playful competition and a humorous nature. It’s one of the first things you came to adore as you both grew older. The thought of Jeongguk and Jieun, the two halves as a combined entity, seems to you unfitting, though your right to judgement remains unvocalized.

“Oh, you think so?”

“Yeah, have you guys talked a lot?” You shift away from him, popping onto your feet to discard your mug. The buzzing of your phone against the counter drives you from your task, the notification staring from the screen pulling your face into a scowl of annoyance.

“Who is it?”

“Who do you think?”

“I thought you blocked him,” Disgust saturates his tone. Stealthily he comes to peer over your shoulder, screen still alight with the imposing message. “You’re not gonna meet with him are you? You deserve better than him, Y/n.”

“To be fair he didn’t really do anything wrong, Guk. We had a mutual agreement.”

“Another thing that I disagree with.” You ruffle his hair, his lips pulling into an unmistakable pout. He grabs hold of your phone, dimming the screen and sliding the device into his pocket whilst you turn to him. Taking a moment, no words fill the miniscule gap distancing the two of you, his eyes working between your own with something unreadable. “You know I’m just looking out for you, right? You deserve to be happy and I just don’t think this is going to make you happy.”

“I want you to be happy too,” You come to wrap around him, burying your face against dense material and enjoying the lengthy inhale of Jeongguk’s favorite fabric softener, a reminder of times spent in the laundromat the month Taehyung had mistakenly pulled the hose from the machine. You gaze upward, offering a smile of warmth and sincerity, “So where do we start with this little project of yours.”

~*~

“Is it too late to quit?” You stand leaned against Jenogguk’s jeep, arms folded in disdain.

The shine of the sun glares against heavily tinted shades and your arms pull your lengthy coverup against bare skin. The crash of gentle waves and the iridescent blue of the clear sky aren’t enough to pull you from disinterested funk. Jeongguk rounds the car with filled arms, dropping your bag to your feet and plopping a flopped sunhat over your head.

“Yup! It’ll be fun, I promise.”

Your first step against heated grain is reluctant, your bag tossed over your shoulder haphazardly. You almost crack at the frolic of children running the expanse of the beach, but suppress the urge to smile as Jeongguk sidles to your side. The shoreline is unmatched with the shine of the natural lighting and the push of waves onto the crowded waterfront is something you never imagined to be so eye catching.

“You know I hate the beach,” Jeongguk guides you to a clear patch of sand, unloading heavy equipment and supplies for ‘fun’. Your eyebrows draw at the teasing coo reserved for your childish complaints, Jeongguk fanning a blanket.

“Here, sit.” You do so with a huff, the heat already sticking the fabric of your swimsuit to dampened skin. You draw your back, pulling out the go-pro and Jeongguk’s prized Canon to shift in your palms. Jeongguk busies himself with standing the umbrella before he plops down beside you, arms bracing behind his head with a content sigh. “See, isn’t this nice?”

“I can’t seem to connect how this is meant to contribute to your film.” You replace both cameras, looking for a thorough explanation. A flock of seagulls congregates too close for comfort, a discarded carton soaked in ketchup peaking their interest. Unconsciously you scoot closer to Jeongguk, jumping at the bump of naked thighs.

“Have a look around, tell me what you see.” He pushes onto his elbows, the bulge of his bicep drawing your eyes away with a clearing of your throat, glad for the covering of thick shades.

Knees pulled to your chest you take in the surrounding area with the dip of sunglasses to the bridge of your nose. Rows of tanned bikinis and the occasional organization of eager teens fills the general vicinity. Though not too far you spot a couple, lounging against chairs, hands clasped over empty space.

A little ways down another pairing cheekily flirts, the guise of a midday swim covering blushes and timed splashes. Outward of the obvious, you note couples all around, their attention focused on their other half and the unyielding scenery. For once there’s a tug in your chest for something more, covered by the nudge of Jeongguk’s foot drawing you back.

“Okay, I get the idea, there are couples here. But I still have no idea what this whole thing entails.”

“I want to show her what it could be like, you know? I want her to see how I would treat her if we were in a relationship.” Your gaze widens under your shades, pupils taking on an owlish shape.

“Then why don’t you just ask her out? Take her to the beach instead of coming here to film a trailer of what she could be experiencing in real time!”

“It’s not that simple,” You scoff at his blatant refusal, your idea clearly not worth his entertainment.

“This girl seems like a piece of work.”

“You have no idea,” He grunts, pulling to his feet. He extends a hand, forcing you to comply, the go-pro scooped into waiting palms. You follow his lead, hat falling to the blanket already bordered with rough grains of sand. “Let’s go into the water.”

“Yeah...no.” Your arm falls with a calculated yank and a swift retreat back to enticing shade. Jeongguk drops to his knees, fiddling with the camera before he brings the lens to face you. “What is this?”

“I know you don’t like the beach, but I promise that if you just trust me you’ll have fun.”

“I do trust you and we can have fun from here. Now, stop recording! This is supposed to be a nice romantic montage or something and you’re just bullying me.” Your hand shoots to cover your face, effectively ruining Jeongguk’s shot. “We don’t even have a script. I brought my laptop and everything.”

“A script? This isn’t supposed to be some rehearsed hollywood blockbuster, you dunce. I want it to be natural, and what’s more natural than a boyfriend coaxing his girlfriend out of her shell to have a fun beach day?”

“You’ve really thought this all out, haven’t you?” He shrugs, camera once more lifted to your face. It doesn’t hold for long, Jeongguk taking the time to get a panning shot. You almost tell him to use the Canon, the lens more equipped for passing scenery, but take the camera for yourself and hop to sanded feet. You lift it to your eye line, weight taking a moment to settle, your hands not as large as Jeongguk’s. “Hey, Guk.”

You snap a photo at the jut of his chin in your direction, the flash catching him off guard, hand shielding blinded pupils. You take free range, snapping shots in every direction, capturing ‘the essence’ as Taehyung and Jeongguk have both lamented until it was ingrained.

“You make quite the subject, Mr.Jeon. Perhaps you should take a look into the world of modeling,” You giggle, a beautifully patterned seashell scoped from peeled irises, the roughed edges poking through an exceptional sandhill.

You lean a tad, arm of your cover up gently catching against the bend of your crooked elbow. With quick work you slide the camera between sturdy thighs removing the offending fabric, tossing it to the opening of your bag, weary of stray sand ruining the garment. You once again lean capturing the shell, carefully eyeing the borders of the photo, determined to snap a fridge worthy shot.

You miss the added heat to your back, a squeal of indignation ripping through pursed lips at the sudden hold on your waist. Jeongguk laughs, a devilish sound under the current circumstance.

“Jeongguk, put me down!” He gives sway, your dangling legs swinging under the slight shift. The breath of his laborious movement mixed with harmonious laughter excites the expanse of your neck, a single arm reaching to force him away. The camera’s snatched from your wavering grip, the heavy tech somehow landing in Jeongguk’s hand and out of sight before he’s tightening his fingers to gently push the flesh of your stomach.

“I think you need to cool off a bit,” He falls into steady pace, your kicks and attempts to wriggle just short of a spectacle. You neglect to notice an appendage still wrapped around the smaller camera, but Jeongguk makes certain your every action is on record for later use.

“Oh no no, Jeongguk please don’t!” Despite your desperate plea, you don’t hate the feel of his arms around your waist, his warmth a comfort, even under the rage of the burning sun. Jeongguk’s laugh is nearly nightmare fuel though still one of your favorite sounds and you all but miss the bubble of your own laughter amidst the sudden chaos. “I don’t wanna go into the water!”

Your eyes are screwed, the only escape from the impending feel of cold and wet. The chatter of voices grows louder, your mind convincing you of the close proximity to the shoreline. You whimper at the stop of movement, your legs pulling upward against the meat of Jeongguk’s muscled thighs to hold off the inevitable. Jeongguk laughs into your neck, slowly lowering you.

“Would you stop it you goof?” Your grip has tightened against his forearm just as bare feet meet...sand? Your eyes fall open, jaw slackened. In your panic the telltale waves crashing along and the splash of water followed by childish laughter had escaped you. Now ever present and aware of Jeongguk’s antics the distance in the songs of the ocean are a distant hum. He smiles, an innocent curve of pink, gesturing to the stand but a few feet from you, “You want an ice cream?”

“You’re not trying to get a girlfriend, you’re trying to get a restraining order.” You pivot with a fold of your arms, annoyance heavily due to the stew of embarrassment settled in your chest. Your toes wiggle against loose sand, ignoring the tug against stray hair.

“Come on, you know I would never actually do that to you. I’m not a monster” Despite your continued displeasure the sight of a heavily sprinkled cone draws your attention to the initial offer of sustenance. You turn, hand splayed against a jutted hip and a glower settled against Jeongguk’s ever present camera. You land against a toned arm with a gentle push of the provoking sort and fall into line behind a party of girls, none shy about their backward glances.

The feeling was accustomed to your frequent gatherings. Jeongguk’s good looks not lost on you, so you can’t place blame on others who take note. Ever the oblivious Jeongguk offers a wave of a tattooed hand, his mouth a pinch of acknowledgement. From his lips falls the hum of a causal melody, hand coming to rest against the small of your back, a gentle tug pulling you to his side.

You whip daggers to averted eyes, the hum turns to a whistle and Jeongguk focuses on the movement of the camera. Your own hands come to clasp at the height of your naval, the sweat beginning to accumulate beneath the thick of dark fabric leaving a hyper awareness of his placement. It’s just for aesthetic. The words do little to push away the rapid thump of overeager pulse points, despite the lens of the camera ensuring a flattering angle of your new pose.

“What are you gonna get?” Jeongguk pulls a lip between worrying teeth, the menu, a battered and dented thing, within sight. You manage a shrug, the rub of your skin alerting you even more to his ever present warmth. The sound of giggles penetrates your thoughts when one of the girls pulls back with a coy smirk.

“I like your tattoos.” A hand against the bicep followed by immediate retreat, a nervous chuckle in tow. Jeongguk lowers his camera, the moment muddied by unwelcome presence. You don’t engage, confident in his ability to handle himself, but surprised when he takes a lengthy step ahead of you when eyes of curiosity drink you in.

“Thanks.” Is his curt response, his disinterest clearly lost in heart eyed tunnel vision. The movement of the line doesn’t sway her determination, hand falling to the chest of her bikini, dangled bracelets resting against blatant cleavage.

“Did it hurt? I’ve been thinking about getting some of my own, but I’m completely afraid of needles.” Your cringe is visible, the draw of your brows and the heavy inhale alerting her to your presence once more. Jeongguk’s pupils rival the eyes of a headlight dazed doe and it crushes you to see him struggling to escape razor sharp clutches.

“He took it like a champ actually,” You clasp your hands together, smiling up at Jeongguk with endearment. It was true that he was unfazed by the ink filled arm, his time spent coaxing you to comfort as needles pierced tanned skin. It’s a point of irritation, his desire to poke fun at your queasy demeanor while you gripped him like a vice. “I was actually the one that had a hard time looking at it. I hear it’s not so bad once you get into it though. Right, love?”

“Uh, yeah. It didn’t really hurt in the moment, but it also depends on the artist and where on your body you get the tat. It was kind of like a sunburn after though. So if you want one then you should definitely be careful about where you get your first.” The drift of her attention goes back to where her friends stand covertly gazing just feet forward. She watches you, a kiss dropped to Jeongguk’s flushed cheeks, her own cheeks deflating with the downturn of a saccharine grin.

“Oh, well thanks.”

You fight outward triumph, taking the squeeze of your hip as Jeongguk’s own quiet satisfaction. The two of you watch the whispered verbiage as the girl no doubt fills her friends in on her shortcoming. You would almost feel a tinge of pity were it not for the adrenaline that unknowingly drove you to such brashness.

Stepping from Jeongguk’s hold you move ahead, stomach tossing the mood for sweet, the rolling of unsettled emotional turmoil threatening sick in the pressing heat.

“Wow, handled that like a champ,” Jeongguk prompts with the lift of the camera. You pull a candy smile, pulling up on tipped toes to press another friendly kiss against smooth apples.

“It’s not a beach day if you're not fighting off competition.” The front of the line greets with a woman of middle age, her face pulled into unrelenting joy despite the sweat she swipes with a wrinkled handkerchief. You almost decline the frozen treat, not sure of the power you hold to keep it down in the moment, but the heat and her hopeful smile draws you forward.

“I’ll have a vanilla waffle cone dipped in sprinkles and he’ll have a delicious lemon ice pop.” You snatch a sudden bill from Jeongguk’s hand and pass it over, his jaw hanging in mock outrage. Quick work is made of your order, the flow of the tiny boardwalk earning your respect in the throng of an overwhelming crowd.

There’s a shop just across the way that catches your eye, though shoes would prove a necessity before you burn sensitive skin against hot plywood. You accept your ice cream and the bland pop, stepping to the side and taking in Jeongguk’s disgruntled appearance.

“This is what you get for thinking you can just get away with your little stunt.”

“Now this is bullying,” He pulls the camera inches from his nose for emphasis. “It’s a wonder I try to do nice things for her!”

You take in the slant of his fingers against boring plastic, the emergence of the golden yellow pop drawing even more his disgust. You can’t hold back your toothy grin, snatching the stick from his hand. You plop it into your mouth, savoring the cool of the ice and gently passing the cone to outstretched hands. Jeongguk tentatively licks the coating of sprinkles, his eyes remaining transfixed on the slip of the pop past lemon coated lips.

“You should’ve seen your face, you were totallyー” Your cut by the swipe of a gentle thumb to the dimples of your cheeks. Your eyes befall a steady gaze, the dripping of artificial flavor of little importance as you stare at the man before you.

“You had something...lemon, on your cheek there. Wouldn’t want you getting jumped by a bunch of flies or something.”

“Oh thanks,” You turn back to your blanket, the shade of the umbrella sounding a welcome distraction from the heat in your chest and perhaps a little further south if you’re honest.

You’ve begun to denote the unnoticeable. The little things that Jeongguk does that have always made the beat of your vitals jump just a tad and the way that he always finds ways to draw a smile despite his intention to drive you to madness. You ignore the rough of sand beneath your toes, one of the cons in a day of heat surrounded by the unknown of deep blue.

Somehow a day spent in a place you avoid by principle isn’t so terrible with the company of your favorite person. Perhaps it’s a problem that you’ve agreed to spend many more days like this with someone who holds a piece of you, unrecognizable in the light of day. The drop of juice against warm thighs keeps your thoughts at bay, legs carrying to discard the pop to the nearest bin and rounding to find a napkin ready for retrieval.

“We can go if you want.”

“What?”

“We can head home, I know you don’t really like it here and it was stupid of me to force you.” You look at him with the impression that a head has sprouted from the peak of his neck, his mouth stopping midway to another lick to his cone. You snort at the spill of vanilla dipped sprinkles against his toned chest.

“No, come on.” You clean yourself of the disgusting stick and fall against the blanket to await Jeongguk to rid himself of his hefty cone. Your hands run the length of the cover, thin material useless against kicked sand. Lifting on an exhale you nearly meet face with cone, Jeongguk pulling away just in time.

“Here, have some.”

“Thanks.” The break yields a generous piece, sugary waffle sliding between your teeth. Jeongguk pulls the Canon, holding the camera at an angle, the question of a tilted portrait. You take the cone with your pearled muscles, smiling around it with fingers pressed to stretched cheeks. You pull closer to Jeongguk, forcing him to partake, arms slinging around his neck so your chest is flush with the round of his shoulder.

“Hey, you wanna play a few games?” Your eyes draw to the looming shadow, thankful for the shield, but wondering why he’d approached the two of you, or rather Jeongguk, amongst a sea of ready opponents. “We’re down one guy and you look like you can work a net pretty well.”

“I would but I’mー”

“Totally gonna kick ass,” You nudge with a challenge. “I mean, you’re gonna show me just how good you are when I’m not there to crush you.”

Uncertainty turns to conviction. The threat of defeat enough to propel Jeongguk to his feet with a dust of hands against dry trunks. His hand comes to drift down his face, the lids of his eyes following the downward drag of his palm. He glances for confirmation, your hands folded in your lap, waiting for a show, and nods his head with a loose introduction.

“Yeah, I’ll play. I’m Jeongguk,” The two clasp in a firm shake, leaving you to snicker at the shocked recovery from Jeongguk’s startling strength.

“Jackson,” Thirst driven eyes trail your exposed form, your hands consciously dragging your cover from the lip of your bag. The action, not unnoticed by Jeongguk, lights a fire under his already competitive nature. “You're gonna be on the other team, make things a little interesting. I have to warn you though, I can be very competitive.”

“Somehow I doubt that’ll be a problem.” Your say eyebrows shoot up, already prepared for the brawl set to occur at the net. The twitch of Jeongguk’s lip and the telltale sweep of his hands against the expanse of his chest warns you of his intent.

“Yeah, especially since I was promised a nice little reward if I can kick your ass.” You start at the wink sent your way, surprise taking hold at the brazen display. You almost blame the action on the camera, but both are forgotten against the edge of the blanket, not recording since you returned with your ice cream. `

You pick at lifted skin protruding from nervous fingers, the sudden shift in Jeongguk’s demeanor confusing. You hadn’t meant for him to take so seriously to your comment, the wins you’ve garnered against him surely of his own doing. Though it appears unrelated to his mood you wish you hadn't encouraged him to participate.

You shift to bent knees, spotting the group settled around the bleached net a ways down the beach. Unsurprising, the crowd is already thickened with prospective sweethearts, their heart eyes fueling the inflation of oversized egos. You watch as the teams are settled, not without constant glances from Jeongguk, a reassuring thumb jutting towards him with each look.

You watch as Jackson takes first serve, Jeongguk missing the chance to spike the ball back over the net and his teammates missing the mark as well. Jeers file from the other side of the net and you stand, ready to swoop in and calm Jeongguk. The quirk of hidden dimples and the twitch of his nose stops you short. He’s toying with him.

True to form, Jeongguk comes back with a vengeance. His strong will keeps the ball from meeting home sand, his spikes and sets echoing even from your calculated distance. You flinch at the thought of his raw skin, the slap of leather no doubt contributing to later burns. You make sure to capture some shots of Jeongguk in his element, the sight something to behold.

His skin glistens in the blistering sun, sweat gliding against the line of his hair, the locks themselves dripping with effort. It’s what drags you toward him, settling along the outer edges, somehow managing a front row seat. The game is all but lost to you, vision reserved for Jeongguk and his movements of fluidity.

You recall memories of your adolescence, days spent soaked in golden rays laying against the stump of a front yard tree. Jeongguk would tease you, his arms almost worm-like in contrast. It was never a thought that he’d grow into a young man with the potential of a front running athlete while maintaining the heart of the boy next door.

You trace patterns against sun kissed skin, surroundings bleed into white noise, as the rapid pump of blood red consumes you. The final match comes and goes, Jeongguk unfazed by his victory. It’s exactly what you expect, the landing of his satisfied smirk on you within moments. He gives no pretense of sticking around for the post groupie haze piling up on his heels.

“I think I’m ready to go home now,” Jeongguk huffs, the chance to send Jackson a parting wave not missed. He grabs a hold of your hand, the feeling still something that brings heat to your body despite it’s routine occurrence.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

~*~

“You have ten minutes,” Hands come to clasp against the table, face as stoic as your muscles will allow.

Following your impromptu beach date your phone had begun to burn a hole, your hand unable to stop the slide into the pockets without contemplation of an unanswered text. It was only in the late hours of that same night that you responded with reluctant agreement, leading you a few days later to your current whereabouts.

“I guess I should start by apologizingー”

“Don’t apologize because you guess it’s what you have to do. I don’t want it if you’re forcing yourself.” Your tone jumps an octave, echoed in empty space, the early hour cafe remaining uninhabited save for the barista sending a look of interested concern in the midst of unloading a tray of pastries.

You remind yourself to buy one, a danish with cherry filling.

Across from you Park Jimin runs a hand through dark hair, aware of past mistakes and unsure how to remedy them. His eyes are tired, his plump lips even more so with the constant of worrying teeth, and his mouth etched to frown. He nurses tea, the scent of fresh honey and herbs wafting to ready nostrils the warmth of steam working to calm his senses and nurse your own as well.

Your own drink is heavy with sugar, a drop to many of your spoon filled with the gritty substance. Your mind was elsewhere and now you absently stir, the coffee lukewarm and of little importance. A cringe follows the scrape of metal against glass, the spoon readily discarded to the soiled napkin drooped over the edge of the table.

You’re unsure why you’re here and you’re aware of the disappointed look you’ll receive from not one, but two when Jeongguk and Taehyung learn of your early morning adventure. Sitting across from Jimin is less debilitating than you remember, the pain that had seemed to paralyze now nothing but myth. It leaves you with more worry than relief, your confusion surrounding uncovered feelings for Jeongguk still a subject of denial.

“No, I want to apologize, I need to. I really miss you ya know?”

“Jiminー”

“And I don’t mean in the ‘keeping my bed warm kind’ of way.” He prefaces, hand raising in readied defense.

You sense no untruth, the connection of his eyes with yours unwavering, your own gaze the one to break it. Despite your relative contentment with the situation you aren’t ready for bygones, his handling of the issue still leaving a taste of bitterness.

“I miss when we could just talk without the pressure of everything. When you told me that you wanted more than just...I panicked and lashed out. It was uncalled for and I’m sorry. I don’t want you to hate me,” Your tongue swipes over dried lips, the buzzing tap of your phone in your jacket forcing your hurried consumption of his heavy apology.

The friendship that you had prior to benefits and sudden feelings was an easy one. There was no expectation resting in years of built connections or constant communication. It was why an arrangement seemed so easy. The smile that came alight when you passed in student flooded halls, your foot halting your movement just to flash a wave over hunched shoulders, the instances of shared lunches, his hand always nudging against your fork to steal a bite with his own.

You wonder what’s changed.

The thoughts snap into place, the piece of your mind that had lay dormant until this moment shaking you to your core. You fish into your wallet for loose bills, the crinkled paper clutched in trembling palms. With an audible scrape, you push from your chair, standing with a glance to the door, then back to Jimin. He looks on the edge of devastation, your lack of response breeding fear for lack of acceptance.

“I don’t hate you,” Are your words of parting, the thought brief as you fly to the counter making quick work of your order. You hope your lack of hate is enough for now, the thick of your thoughts wholly geared toward one thing, one person.

~*~

You fly through evenly parted doors, your pace slowing to a crawl. You ignore the hitch in your step, the float of pitched laughter tickling sharp ears. You scan milling faces, seeking the mop of Taehyung, his posture bent over the screen of his laptop.

“I think I have a problem,” Your hand places a half melted smoothie in his peripheral, his laptop coming to close and his eyes flitting in your direction. He’s without urgency, your fits of panic something he grew accustomed to early on. He scoops up the half crystallized drink, taking a steadied sip.

“Problem?”

“A big one.”

“Lay it on me,” Legs kick onto the table, the tilt leaning the chair precariously. Your hands tighten against the paper of the bag pinched beneath your fingers, words like an itch that refuses to free a parched throat.

“So...I spoke to Jimin today,” A stiffen of his shoulders pulls your words with rapid succession. “He apologized and told me that he just wants to be friends again, that he doesn’t want me to hate him.”

“And you told him…?”

“I told him that I didn’t hate him, but that’s not the point.” You urge, pulling a stray chair, your weight gladly collapsing into it. “The point is that it made me think about things. It made me think about how things were before and it made me realize that I never liked Jimin”

“Really?” You ignore the dip in his tone, your eyes glancing to where Jeongguk appears to be pouring over scenes with a keen eye. “So what’s the problem then?”

“You remember how Jeongguk and I were kind of on very loose terms when I was with Jimin.”

“You mean the two months where he’d exit the room every time he saw your face? Or how about when he kicked me out of my room and into his just so he didn’t have to sleep so close to you. Yeah, I remember.” You deflate at the thought, not talking to Jeongguk for two months akin to the stomping of your heart by a metal spiked cleat.

It was in these two months that you grew closer to your friend with benefits. Despite his part in your lengthy spat with Jeongguk he made you feel better. You realized in his quest to forgiveness that it wasn’t him that made you catch feelings. It was his actions, something for you to latch onto, the slip of your grip on Jeongguk too much for you to bear.

Jimin had unknowingly picked up over ten years worth of slack. The little things that Jeongguk did, going unnoticed until they disappeared altogether. All it took were a few well timed glances when you weren’t between the sheets, your feelings toward Jeongguk seemingly projecting themselves instead to the only person available.

“Y/n?” Taehyung nudges your ankle with the tip of his sneaker, hand hypnotic with the swish of his smoothie. He attempts to grab hold of the bag in your fist, your arm yanking away with ferocity.

“It’s not yours,” You once again sneak a peek at Jeongguk, his attention now reserved for one of the actors. He looks on the cusp of overwhelmed, eyes saucers beaming against bright lights.

“Oh, what, Jeongguk gets a pastry and I don’t?”

“Because I like him, I don’t like you,” You stammer, head dipping filled with embarrassment at your confession.

“Rude.” Taehyung notes heavily sighing.

“Not like that, you know I adore you. But I like Jeongguk as in, I think I might very possibly, almost certainly be in love with my best friend.”

“Still don’t see why that means I can’t have a measly muffin, but go off I guess.” Your hand lands against his forearm with a small slap, your palm stinging at the slight gesture, “Oh what, do you want me to act surprised?”

“What do you mean?”

“Y/n, I’ve known from the moment I moved in. I mean, you guys practically share a room, I thought you were dating.” You skip a beat, Taehyung’s words drawing you to one thing in particular.

“But Jeongguk doesn’t have feelings for me.”

“Oh, he told you that?” Taehyung scoffs, hand still trying to snatch at the bag.

“No, but he asked me to help him make a film for another girl. Clearly he’s not interested.”You push the bag out of reach, your arms coming to a fold and your chin resting against them on the table. You whine, mood soured even more than when you’d awoken this morning.

“You could talk to him about it, see how he actually feels.”

“See how who feels about what?” Your heart falls from your chest, Jeongguk’s voice just above you. Taehyung opens his mouth to respond, but you beat him to it.

“Nothing really, just some changes for today's shoot! Here, I brought you some tea and a cherry danish, I know it’s your favorite,” You shove the bag at him with a toothy grin. He accepts the offering though his expression is dazed.

“Thanks…” He takes a tentative sip of the tea, the wafting of steam meeting the tip of his nose. “Hey, where did you go this morning? I heard you head out pretty early.”

You contemplate stretching the truth, but the look of worried curiosity portrayed in his eyes and your lack of desire to do so brings forth the truth. “I met up with Jimin.”

Unsurprisingly his reaction mimics that of Taehyung moments prior, though the underlying aggression is evident in the shallow of his breath. You find it hard to meet his eyes, despite your recent discovery, feeling as if you’ve committed a wrong. The look he sends you a reminder of days spent on the opposite side of closed doors.

“It was only so he could apologize, I promise. Nothing else is going on.” He seems to settle at that, though his demeanor is certainly shifted. You attempt to change the subject, finger coming to tear a piece of his exposed pastry. “So, where are we going for our next ‘date’?”

Taehyung snorts as you drag Jeongguk out of his range. You turn, walking backwards so as to take in his contemplative expression. His response comes through bread filled cheeks, “S’a sprise, ut ‘uh’ll ve f’uhn.”

“Just because you don’t actually know doesn’t mean you have to lie. How am I supposed to be a convincing girlfriend if I don’t know the plan?” Your finger comes to swipe a stray crumb from the corner of his lip, admiring the show of dimples at your pouted remark. He shrugs, stuffing the entirety of the danish into his mouth.

The shoot is smooth, only a minor hiccup with the lighting gets in the way of you leaving on the dot. Even then twenty minutes is nothing compared to the two hours spent capturing one scene a few nights prior. It’s mid-day when you and Jeongguk agree to call it, the collapse into your car’s leather interior an unwelcome one, the scorch of the sun burning your thighs.

A gentle knock against the driver’s side window brings your attention to the squish of Jeongguk’s cheeks against the glass. You roll it down with a snort, eyebrows raised, “Can I help you with something?”

“Wanna go somewhere?”

“Where is somewhere?”

“It’s a surprise.” He grins, fingers wiggling in silent anticipation, “I promise you’ll love it.”

“Fine,” Your annoyance is feigned, Jeongguk pulling your door open. “What are you doing?”

“I’m driving,” He says, face deadly serious. You attempt to fight his grip, the door resisting every inch. “Come on, move over.”

“Whaーthis is my car!”

“Yeah, but you don’t know where we’re going. Now scoot.” You groan hopping over the center console, hissing at the accidental rub of leather against your skin. You once again face the obstacle of acclimating to the unbearable heat, sending glares to Jeongguk all the while. His attention is on the push of your radio, his fingers slapping against various buttons until he’s pulling his phone from his back pocket and sinking it to the stereo.

“Now that you’ve successfully commandeered my vehicle can we go?” You tap your knuckles in time with the beat of the music, head leaning back and eyes sliding to a comfortable close. The relaxing hum of Jeongguk’s muffled singing begins to lull you to sleep, the subtle shifts and bumps against smoothed asphalt only aiding in his unintentional task.

~*~

The feel of soft hands gliding the expanse of your cheek draws you from peaceful slumber, the drag of your palm against your eyes followed by their swift flutter. Your arms swing to an upward stretch, legs following suit in the tiny space and your groan of satisfaction meets adoring chuckles.

“Hey, sleepyhead.” You glance to the side, Jeongguk staring with a fist supporting the weight of his head. His free arm falls against the dip in his seat, attention focused solely on your half roused state. “We’re here, come on.”

You recall your secret destination, curiosity unclasping your seatbelt and pushing you from the car. The immediate tickle of grass against the bare of your ankle and the scent of fresh greenery invades your senses. It takes but a moment for you to recognize the park. Your years spent hiking this very trail, the surrounding forest leading to a peak overlooking the town where you grew into yourselves.

“Wow, it’s exactly the same. Just as beautiful as we left it.” You spin a quick one eighty, stopping with an achingly bright smile. Jeongguk is already staring, a look of hopeful anticipation settled in his features. “Totally worth the surprise.”

“I told you!” He pumps his fist, before the tilt of his head toward the start of the trail. “Interested in a little stroll?”

“Oh but of course, lead the way.”

Jeongguk disappears to the rear of your car, retrieving a bag that had alluded you when the journey began. He slings the pack over his shoulder and starts toward the path with a skip in his lengthy stride. You trail a little ways behind him, still taking in the familiar setting, You inhale the fresh air, a giggle falling from your lips. Jeongguk spares you a glance, his own goofy grin accompanying. He waves you forward, a shift in his step allowing for you to catch up to him.

“Do you remember how often we used to come here? I’m sure our parents thought we were out partying or something by the time we were teens,” You reminisce fondly. “ I know for sure that my parents did not think that I was actually leaving the house at odd hours to go for a hike.”

“Of course I remember, my parents definitely thought we were dating. They always used to slip condoms into my picnic basket. I had to throw them out before you found them and freaked out,” He laughs at the unhinge of your jaw. You stumble a bit, his arm coming to grip your arm. “Careful there klutz.”

“They thought we were what?” You hope he doesn’t notice how flustered you are at the admittance, the trip of your words an unflattering mix with your awkward chuckle. “And you didn’t tell them that we weren’t?”

“Nah, they seemed pretty happy about it so I didn’t want to burst their bubble.” He shrugs, shaking his hair from his eyes, “It’s amazing that you never noticed with the way they treated you. They act like we’re married.”

“Uh, maybe it’s because they’re upset they got stuck with you. My presence must be such a gift to them.”

“Oh yeah, because you’re such a catch.” He jokes, though the words bring back the actuality of your relationship. He doesn’t think you’re a catch, he thinks you’re a good friend who helps him get girls. You deflate, once again falling back a few steps. “What’s up?”

“Huh?”

“What just happened, you got all weird. You know I’m joking, right?” He stops dead, his look one lacking its usual humor.

“Yeah, of course. It just made me think of something Taehyung said,” He waits for you to elaborate. “He actually said that he thought we were dating when he moved in. Crazy…”

You think you’ve said too much, the shift of the bag against his shoulders like a tick. A time bomb that’s set to explode at any moment. Jeongguk begins walking again, tugging you forward, arm landing against your back. “Not really, a lot of people have said that to me actually. I think it’s because of how close we are.”

“Yeah, probably. It’s not a bad thing though, right? I mean, it doesn’t bother you that people think that?” You prod at the topic, gently kicking at the various stray twigs that don’t crunch beneath your feet. You look to Jeongguk, admiring the chisel of his side profile, his teeth gnawing at the flesh of his cheek.

“It doesn’t bother me, no. You’re my favorite person, as long as I have you with me I don’t really care what people think about us or what we are to each other. I only need you to know how much I care about you,” You catch the twitch of his nose, his lips pulling a shy grin. The open and close of his mouth draws your interest, curious of the words he debates speaking. “I really hated not being with you for those months that you and Jimin were...you know. I was kind of a jerk and I’m really sorry.”

Your elbow nudges his own, a lighthearted gesture in the midst of a tricky conversation. Taking a moment you attempt to muster a response to encapsulate all of the things you want to say without giving too much away.

“You don’t have to apologize, you weren’t the only one being a jerk. I wasn’t thinking about your feelings. I was only thinking about mine and how to make myself feel better about the whole situation,” You start, eyes looking up, the birds flying overhead and the occasional rustle of the surrounding trees interrupting your thoughts. “When I spoke to Jimin earlier today I realized that I never really had any real feelings for him, not like I thought I did.”

“What do you mean?”

“I only thought that I wanted more with him because I didn’t have anything with you,” You pause, carefully curating the words that sit atop your chest, waiting to burst forth. “I let the tiniest things that Jimin did, things that any decent friend would, make up for all of the things I was missing out on with you. I think that the added benefits to our friendship made me think that I wanted him to be more than just someone I called when I needed to...well you know, and that wasn’t fair to anyone.”

The air is heavy, thick with something unidentifiable. You entertain the idea that he’d caught on, your explanation not vague enough despite the lack of the more intimate details of your recent awakening. You’re about to attempt a diversion, when the slide of a turtle from the dirt hill adjacent lands in your path. Your surprise sends you jumping into Jeongguk, the sudden impact shoving him sideways only just catching both of you.

“I’m sorry!” You fight to pull yourself upright, helping Jeongguk as well. His eyes dart across the path, attempting to find an explanation for your sudden attack. He falls into uncontrolled laughter when he spots the turtle slowly closing the distance to the other side of the trail. “It’s not funny! That thing scared me.”

“Yeah...I noticed,” He says through labored breaths. “You’d think a bear jumped out at you.”

“Jerk,” You shove him off balance once more, carefully maneuvering around the turtle and getting ahead. You can still hear his winded laughter, the dizzying sound getting closer and closer until he’s slapping a hand against your shoulder. “Okay, it’s not even that funny.”

“Of course it’s not to you, you’re the loser who freaked over a harmless turtle.” You only sigh, unable to ignore the embarrassing truth. The duration of your height is spent in the disturbance of Jeongguk’s constant teasing and your inability to ignore his jabs.

The halt in your squabbling only comes with the opening of the trail onto the cliff overlooking your hometown. You stop mid insult, taking in the open space, the path of healthy grass covered in freshly bloomed flowers and the occasional spurt of weeds. Your sudden wave of nostalgia encourages unshed tears, your hands coming to cover the expanse of your cheeks.

“Are you crying?” Jeongguk lowers his backpack with ease, his arms pulling at the sleeve of his tee, displaying his upper arm.

“I can’t help it, I just love it so much here. Our friendship essentially blossomed in this very spot.” You fathom the thought of your many years with Jeongguk. You never imagined on the day of his arrival, when you were just children, would spawn into your longest lasting relationship. You wonder when your feelings crossed the border between friendship and romance, if there was a time when you knowingly shielded yourself from the idea.

“Come eat,” You turn from your spaced gaze, Jeongguk sitting atop the same blanket you used at the beach, food splayed on top. He swats at a persistent bee, stopping short from squashing it.

“When did you have the time to make a picnic?”

“I didn’t, I asked Jin to drop it off.” He plops a grape into his mouth, holding one out to you ready to toss. You shake your head but crouch just enough for him to aim and he shoots without miss. Both of your arms shoot up in triumph as you join him sitting cross legged among the flowers. You snatch up the bag of tteokbokki chips before Jeongguk has the chance. “Hey!”

“What? We both know you are so stingy with these.” You wiggle the packaging, enjoying the sound of the jostled chip pieces in the thick plastic. You open the bag, sniffing the spicy contents with a flair of the dramatic, Jeongguk rolling his eyes and popping another grape. You pull a few chips dropping one into your mouth and popping onto your knees. You crawl the small distance to Jeongguk and give his bottom lip a gentle tap, “Open up.”

He complies, eyes never leaving you as you pop the chip into his mouth, his teeth slowly working over it. You moan at the taste, taking no notice of Jeongguk’s ogling. When you do return your attention to him you notice his longing stare and toss your eyes between him and the bag in your hand.

“Take them,” You relent, thinking he must be showing out for your pity. This isn’t unlike your beach ‘date’, the thought sending shivers up your spine. You scold yourself, your time spent here nothing more than the friendship you share, no romantic undertones.

In that same breath you maneuver yourself to lay down, patting the spot next to you for Jeongguk. He tosses a few chips into his mouth, busying himself before following suit, his body positioned opposite yours. You glance at him, his cheek centimetres away from the tip of your nose.

“You ever wish we could come back to this?” He whispers, looking up, the setting of the sun already bleeding into a starlit sky. “It was so much easier dreaming about the movies, now we actually get to try to make them. It’s amazing, but I miss us just laying out here and talking about the future, our dreams.”

“Well we’re laying out here now. Tell me about your future, Guk, wanna hear all of your dreams.”

“Well, if all goes well, I’ll have the girl of my dreams. I’ll do everything I can to make her as happy as possible.” You constrict at the thought, Jieun taking your place as his number one confidant. “I’ll make movies, the greatest films of all time.”

Jeongguk pops to brace elbows, glancing over in your lack of acknowledgement. Your thoughts lay with missed opportunities and nonsensical what-ifs. He catches your lost stare, your lips pulled to a grin of the forced nature.

“You’ll get there. We are going to make this the most gooey romantic film known to man and Jieun will be swept off of her feet,” You assure, ignoring the constant thud in your chest, a hammer to bent nails, no hope for success. “You’re already amazing at what you do, so I’d say best director is a given.”

“Yeah…” Jeongguk collapses against the blanket, hand pulling upward in search of your own. “What about you? What are your dreams.”

“Oh...I don’t know,” You. Your sigh is inward, the air around you thick with an unknown tension. Jeongguk’s grip doesn’t waver but tightens in your attempt to withdraw. He encourages your continuance, your answer one he’s not willing to accept. “I guess I wanna write the greatest films ever made. I wanna be with someone who makes me happy...someone who knows the right thing to say all of the time, who doesn’t take themselves too seriously. I want to be with someone who knows me without having to ask and makes me feel like the most important person in the world”

“Sounds like this person already exists,” Jeongguk’s chuckle is uneasy, the strain in his unknowingly ignored. “Do you have a crush that I don’t know about?”

“Hmm?” You realize your implication, hand ripping from the familiar warmth and safety of Jeongguk’s. You push to a sitting position, your own rehearsed laughter leading the shake of your head. “Of course not, I mean, I’m sure someone that perfect is once in a lifetime.”

“Doesn’t mean that you haven’t met them yet,” You shrug, his mumble surely the result of a need to make you feel adequate in a world where you’re anything but. You know you’ve met them, the confession dying on your tongue as Jeongguk pulls to his feet, abruptly putting an end to your sunset musings. He busies with cleaning up food left astray, his attention seeming to avoid you.

The dip of your lip deepens, the crack in your heart seeming to be at its peak on this particular night. The realization that you missed once in a lifetime sitting heavy against your thoughts.

“Are you ready to go?” You glance to Jeongguk, his arms slipping back through the stuffed pack, eyes shooting the quickly fading skyline. “It’s getting pretty late.”

“Yeah...thank you for this. I really needed it,” You shift awkwardly, unsure of the change in atmosphere that’s settled between you.

“Of course, there’s nowhere I’d rather be.” He responds with ease, starting along the darkened trail leaving you to fall behind him and ponder the idea of those words meaning something more.

~*~

“I’m surprised you called.” Jimin watches you fall against the low set swing, chains rattling against the weight and legs just missing the perfect dangle. You push off, brain attempting to emulate feelings you’ve previously wrestled, the ones leading hand to phone, ready for the action of a lengthy apology.

“Me too, but I don’t think you’re the only one who owes an apology.” Feet kick against loose mulch, the tiny shavings tracing aged sneakers. You can feel Jimin’s eyes, your own meeting them with the intent of sincerity, though Jimin would argue a tinge of sadness.

“And why is that?”

“Because I wasn’t fair and then I took it out on you, made you feel like an ass when you aren’t one.” You cringe at the risk of losing a friend, the inability to see two feet ahead shoving you three feet behind. “I thought that I had feelings for you and I got angry when you said you wanted to stick to our agreementー”

“To be fair I was kind of an ass about it,” He attempts to lighten you, smile contagious even in the thick of blinding self pity. “There it is.”

“Shut up,” You gently shove him, swing veering off course. “I’m trying to apologize here.”

“Okay okay, proceed.”

“After our talk I realized that I never had feelings for you...no offense.”

“None taken.”

“I was just missing someone else more than I realized,” You finish with a breath of finality. The feeling of even the smallest of weights lifting from your chest a monumental feat. You swing a while, Jimin’s voice null for a horrifying expanse.

“Can I say something here?”

“That would be preferable, yes.” You prompt, feet digging into wood and dirt. You glance curiously, catching a knowing smile planted on plump lips. “What?”

“You figured it out, huh?”

“Could you be more specific?”

“You figured out that you’re in love with Jeongguk.” You balk, arms folding along the plains of your chest. Jimin cackles, a hearty sound, your reaction throwing him over the edge. You wait for laughter to subside, contemplating the blasé manner of the words flowing from his lips. You can’t recall many an instance of his being in the presence of you and Jeongguk simultaneously, his opinion questionable at best.

“Why would you say that?” You poke, standing from the swing with the flood of children beginning to overpopulate you. Jimin follows, the huff of his interrupted breathing your only indication.

“It’s pretty obvious the way you two are head over heels,” You round mid-step eyes squinted , his words mimic those of Taehyung, their joint assumptions of Jeongguk’s reciprocation. He reads your glimpse easily enough, mouth falling in an uncensored gawk. “I’m sorry, but if you think that he was an ass to me and completely cut you off for two months because he’s a good friend then you’re an idiot.”

“He is a good friend! And he doesn’t have feelings for me because he has feelings for Jieun.”

“Kim Jieun? There’s no way, it doesn’t add up.” Jimin chirps, dragging you the length of the path to the nearest bench, guiding you to a sit. You refuse his blatant disregard, unsure why Jeongguk would put you through this if he had no feelings for Jieun. Especially after his spouting epic about her being the girl of his dreams.

“How would you know? Jeongguk doesn’t even like you! I doubt he’d tell you who he’s crushing on.”

“Maybe not, but the last time I check my eyes work pretty okay and they tell me that little Jeon Jeonggukkie only has eyes for you.” His pointer lands at the tip of your nose, the scrunch of skin only egging him on. Your head attempts a slant, his finger slipping off course, but you can’t avoid the satisfaction dancing behind brown irises. “Come on, why would I lie to you about this?”

“Jimin, I’ve seen your glasses and those bad boys are pretty thick, so maybe I just find it hard to believe that you aren’t completely full of shit.”

“No one likes a rhymer,” He growls in minor offense. “I’ve noticed that you don’t like to believe in your own dreams.”

“I’ve noticed that you don’t know how to buzz off.”

“I’m serious. I’m telling you what you should wanna hear but instead you’re brushing it off like no big deal and given your reaction I have a feeling I’m not the only one who’s told you this.” Jimin hums victoriously in your neglect to disagree, Taehyung’s words looping viciously. “Why don’t you tell him how you feel? The worst he could do is tell you he doesn’t feel the same.”

“Umm yeah, exactly. I’m starting to think you’re the idiot! Why would I risk our friendship when I already know the answer is no? I’m not prepared to lose the person most important to me over a stupid crush.”

“You didn’t think I was an idiot when you wereー”

“Don’t you dare.”

“I’m just saying, take a leap of faith. When’s the last time you let your feelings guide you instead of shoving them away like they don’t exist?”

“Fine. But if this backfires I take back my apology and I do hate you.”

“Well then make room for your new best friend pal, because this is gonna work.”

~*~

“Guk,” Your voice is but a whisper, your only source of light, the sliver of moon peeking through clumsily sealed curtains. You tip to the edge of his bed, the light snores slipped through stuffed nostrils causing a stifled giggle. The press of your knee against the mattress has you climbing with care, avoiding the smush of resting limbs until you’re face to face with Jeongguk.

A moment to take it in, his light breaths fanning over the bare of your cheeks, the warmth of his blanket tucked form penetrating your shorts and his borrowed crewneck. Your finger tests the bridge of his nose, lightly tracing dulled contours to the scar against his cheek. Space lessens, your face unknowingly invading his senses, mouths just inches apart. The mingling of sleep kissed breaths tantalizingly heady. You swallow, the gap nearly closed, the press of lips within reach.

“Y/n?” His eyes flutter, large fawns coming to focus you in the dark of the room. “What are you doing?”

He doesn’t push you away, the flats of warm hands bracing the straddle of your waist, holding you steady. Your breath catches, his own still shallow from an interrupted doze.

“I came to wake you.” You whisper, volume prohibited in the silent before dawn. Your throat clears, your leg swinging over to one side. “Come on.”

Jeongguk tosses the blanket, your face heating in rapid aversion, his body only covered by hugged briefs. He quickly slides to sweats, arm reaching for a handy sweatshirt to clothe his chiseled frame. You focus your stare on postered walls, decades of cinema painted against laminate.

“Ready?” Jeongguk mumbles, fingers carding bedhead. You’re surprised at his lack of detective, the early hour most certainly a red flag.

“Yeah, lets go.” You lead through darkened halls. The deep rumble of snores float the gap of Taehyung’s door, his help appreciated just an hour prior. You feel the subtle lack of distance between Jeongguk and yourself, your mind over analyzing, foot missing the last step. Quick hands stop your near fall, face heating with a shake. “Careful.”

“Thanks,” He doesn’t remove the pressure of his arm until the open expanse of kitchen presents little obstacle. You stop at the slide of the back door, nodding him over whilst you ignore the building knot in your chest. “Do you plan to murder me in our backyard?”

His chuckle is lighthearted, the note of nerves just a pitch on the side of obvious. You knock his shoulder playfully, stepping to the side. “No, just go on.”

He steps into the night, body all but shadow as feet smush against dampened grass. You wait until he’s halfway, your finger nudging the power to the outdoor lights. You snicker at Jeongguk’s hidden jump, his heels turning with the illumination of strung lights and the makeshift screen fastened to sturdy posts.

“What did you do?” He muses once facing you.

“Well, I figured that since you’ve been doing all of the planning lately I would plan something for you.” Your explanation is lame, but the light of Jeongguk’s eyes makes it feel less so.

“It had to be at two in the morning?”

“Sorry, I guess I didn’t think about that. We could always just do this another time, it just took a little long to set up and I wanted to surprise you soー”

“I’m kidding, I love it,” He cuts your senseless ramble and falls to a lay against the pile of cushions you’d mustered. You toe at the bits of grass poking past cool concrete, next move unsure, mind never able to work past the initial thrill. “Are you gonna come sit or am I supposed to watch alone?”

“Oh, I guess I forgot to mention that this is a party for one. I’m exhausted so I’m just gonna head to bed, actually.”

“Ha ha, get your ass over here before I drag it.” You do as told, plopping down, hand brushing Jeongguk’s. “So what are we watching?”

“Your pick.”

Head dipping to the side you pull a crate to view, films filling the bin with memories of movie nights past. Jeongguk tugs it to shared space, his hand wrapping around plastic casing. You watch him filter through dvds, attention focused on the draw of his lips and the concentration of furrowed brows. His grin is goofy, hand raising in ready triumph.

“How about this one?” You slip the case from his feathered grip, fingers brushing along the edge. You whither under a steady stare, but your smile is quick to combat your nerved unease upon giddy realization.

“We haven’t watched this in forever!” Your words are gushed, smile blinding in the dim of the lights strung overhead. “Getting nostalgic on me Jeon?”

“Says the girl who dragged me out of bed at two am,” He counters, shoulder nudging your own. It’s then that your attention comes to focus on the lack of proximity, his heat washing over you in waves and the scent of settled shampoo flooding your senses. You hug the fabric of your pullover, the gentle scratch of skin against sleeves grounding you to a coherent response.

“You love it,” Your words are murmured, fingers pulling at the chosen casing and popping the film into the near projector. “Oh! I forgot the snacks, let me go and grab themー”

“I’ll grab ‘em, I need to get something anyways,” Jeongguk is on his feet within seconds, leaving no room for your readied conjecture. “Where are they?”

“Um…there are a few boxes of candy on the middle pantry shelf and I was gonna pop some popcorn,” He nods in haste, feet carrying to the drawn sliding door.

Your sudden solitude brings intention to light, a simple movie night meant to harbor much more, recent tidings giving you a boost you previously lacked. Despite a quest to the ultimate romantic trailer for Jeongguk and Jieun you’ve pumped yourself for a sudden confession, a hail mary.

If what currently cycles your brain is true, there lay the possibility for more between you and Jeongguk. If he’s serious about Kim Jieun this could be your last chance to find out if he could be serious about the two of you. After a day spent on the verge, Taehyung only just able to prod you over a ledge of enticing promise, you’ve decided it’s a shot worth taking.

Now alone, the faint pop of a mid cooked kernel floating through distracted ears, you try to find words. A day spent collecting, not only your courage, but the supplies and stealth required for your operation in progress leaving no room for peace of mind. You huff air, legs stretching against the cotton of the blanket beneath.

“Jeongguk, can I talk to you about something?” Your voice delivers in a soft mutter, immediately followed by a cringed shake of the head. “Jeongguk, I need to tell you something? Jeongguk I want to tell you something...Jeonggukー”

“Yeah?” You start with a pitched gasp, Jeongguk’s silent return prompting a pass of a warmed bowl.

“I was just saying I wish you would hurry up!” You’re quick to quip, head ducked to cover your awful poker-face.

“Well excuse me your highness, I’ll only pop half of the popcorn next time.” Jeongguk scoffs, boxes of candy tossed along with the gentle placement of his Canon. You eye the offending object then Jeongguk, who busies with finding lost comfort.

“What’s this for?” You poke at the shielded lens, tongue prodding at the roof of your mouth with anxious intent. You wait for response, miniscule confidence dwindling with every empty second. Jeongguk follows your attention and swoops the camera between deft fingers, uncapping the lens to fall on your frame with a faint click.

“I thought I’d take some candids, for the film ya know? I hope you don’t mind,” He doesn’t look for confirmation, hands already scoping the area, finger falling repeatedly to capture your impressive setup.

Truthfully you do mind, all of your work for Jeongguk soon to be just another object of material desire for Jieun. The annoyance itching at the base of your palm, the disappointment heating the expanse of your neck and up through your cheeks breeds only a half shrug.

“Oh, I don’t mind. Take as many as you need,” You manage to respond, albeit halfheartedly, though Jeongguk pays it little notice.

You wait for the drop of his camera before reaching to press play, all but abandoning your idea at a confession. Even if there’s an iota of attraction on Jeongguk’s end, it’s clear in his dedication to this project that it won’t outweigh his feelings for Jieun. The rational next step is acceptance, you decide, leaning back from the projector.

You’re unsuprised to find an arm braced behind you, Jeongguk much closer than he had been moments previously. A natural position when the two of you have nights like this, whether on the couch or a blanket in the yard. You’ve come to learn it’s nothing more than a friendly comfort. You can’t help but glance at the abandoned camera, positioned not too far from a dented candy box.

You nestle into Jeongguk, prepared to brave a movie that would no doubt only occupy half of your mind, the other working to reconcile preconceived notions about the boy whose hand rubs slight patterns into the skin of your arm. You pay no mind to the trace of soft fingers, only working to chuckle at the right moments, throw the occasional witty banter, and revel in the sound of unbridled laughter.

Sooner than you care to admit your body betrays you, the exhaustion of the days work and the unseemly hour rolling lids to darkened hollows. You’d long since found yourself resting in the crook of Jeongguk’s neck, a blanket draped over snuggled legs. The last thing you hear before you’re lost to the world being the distant hum of Jeongguk’s voice, though no words make it through.

~*~

You blink heavy lids, the light smack of your sleep dried lips pulling you forward. Rising to braced forearms you bring a hand to swipe against the expanse of your face. It takes but moments for you to take in the strip of sunlight peeking through half-drawn curtains and the realization of last night dawns.

You’re in your room, Jeongguk, unsurprisingly, nowhere to be found. Though you can’t recall making it to the movie's end which means it was he who carried you to bed. The thought alone leaves butterflies to flutter astray on the inside, but the brush of the metaphorical wings comes to a screeching halt when you remember the night prior.

There was no confession. You abandoned your plan.

Taehyung and Jimin would chalk it up to you chickening out, but the truth remains that Jeongguk is devoted to the attention of someone who isn’t you. It feels an act of the selfish kind to push your feelings onto him with this ever present knowledge. You tug yourself from the confines of your bodily warmth, blanket snagging against your perched ankle just as a fist raps against the wood of your door.

“Come in,” You speak loud enough that the door is pushed inward not moments later.

Taehyung comes ambling through, no sign of the fatigued snorer you’d last encountered. Instead he’s dawned a new man, hair freshly combed, his signatures style being flaunted for all to see. You don’t miss the suggestion in the twinkle of his eye as you pull to your feet. He replaces you against untidy covers, your destination a fresh change of clothes for a morning shower.

“So, I just saw Jeongguk downstairs…” Taehyung trails with a slight hitch in tone, brows wiggling in uniform.

“Okay…?”

“He looked very happy, I’m guessing last night went exactly like I said it would?” It would almost bring you satisfaction to shoot him down were it not for the given circumstance. You stop, hand running against the rough sleeve an out seasoned blazer.

“He loved it. I let him pick the movie, it was an old one we used to watch all the time,” You chuckle, the thought of fond memories still something you hold dearly. “We made snacks, he took some shots for his film for Jieun…”

Your words leave space for a lengthy silence, legs carrying you around your room with ease. You can sense Taehyung’s eyes burning into your back, but you refuse to meet his gaze of scrutiny. You have no doubt you’ll receive another lecture about Jeongguk’s reciprocation of your strong feelings, but you’re not sure you can take it. It’s difficult to believe the words coming from Taehyung when you spend hours watching Jeongguk look the other direction.

“Okay.”

You glance back, catching the shrug to befall his broad shoulders. He flops to his back, hair bouncing and hand holding his phone overhead. He doesn’t utter another word and despite your relief you itch with disappointment. Even with your belief of the opposing side, Taehyung’s, and most recently Jimin’s, words of affirmation have kept you going. His blatant disregard strikes you.

“That’s it?” You’re unable to hold back, rounding on Taehyung who simply glances at you over his screen. “Okay?”

“What exactly were you expecting?”

“I was expecting you to tell me to stop wussing out and just tell him how I feel!” You inform, breathless with exasperation. You toss a shirt haphazardly onto the bed, Taehyung still staring, nonplussed, at your sudden display. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?

“Nothing, just...you don’t need me to tell you any of those things because you already know. I can only reassure you so much, if you love him as much as you think you do then it’s up to you to do what you think is right.”

You emit a groan, falling to the soft of your mattress, well aware of the truth behind his words. Your mind had already begun a path to acceptance, hearing it from Taehyung only making it more so. It’s never crossed your mind to do anything but assure Jeongguk’s heart is full, though to the same extent you’ve been clutching a sliver of hope that it could work in favor to make your heart full as well.

You recall earlier words, imagining the smile on Jeongguk’s face this morning, probably thinking over the previous night and the progress made on his film. You lift to once more meet Taehyung who’s stare is already fixed as if sensing your coming words.

“He really looked happy this morning?”

“Cloud nine.”

~*~

It’s a surprise, the sight of Jeongguk nursing a banana at the table when you step through the open frame to the kitchen. You were half expecting, half hoping, to miss him, your lengthy stint under the hot stream of the shower surpassing his usual departure. His head lifts from the scroll of his phone, toothy smile quick to stretch.

“Morning,” He chirps, taking the last bite from his flopped peel.

“Morning...I didn’t expect you to still be here.”

“Oh, yeah, actually I wanted to ask a favor.” He mutters, tossing his peel into a nearby bin with flared dramatics. “Do you think you and Tae can handle things at the shoot today?”

You pause where you’d made way to the cabinet in search of a fresh bowl, turning to face Jeongguk with furrowed brows. The occurrence of Jeongguk missing out of anything is rare, but especially a film that the two of you have been planning since you were still dreamy eyed high schoolers.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah yeah, it’s fine, it’s great actually.” You wait for hinted elaboration, the wide of Jeongguk’s eyes and their focus into space giving the impression that he’s zoned out. You wave a quick hand before him in an attempt to pull him back. “Sorry, um...I think I have all of the footage I need for my project and I was hoping to spend today editing.”

“Oh...I thought you had another idea for a ‘date’ planned?”

“I did, but your little surprise yesterday turned out to be exactly what I needed.” You plaster a smile, the forced stretch of your muscles almost painful against the undercurrent of sadness you fight to shield from Jeongguk. “So…?”

“What? Oh, yeah! We can handle things without you for one day, not like everythings gonna fall apart.” Your attempt at banter falls flat, tone awkward and lacking in its usual ease. The feeling of your own impending break clouds the hint of humor you’ve stored for such an occasion. Jeongguk slips a hand through fluffed hair, eyeing you with a suspicious glint.

“You okay?”

“I’m fine. I should probably grab Tae and get going though,” You backpedal, frame nearly knocking your balance with the jerk of a protruded limb. You nearly lose footing when pushed into warmth, familiar hands locking against your waist to steady.

“I’m here.” Taehyung hums, stepping around without bother once you’ve recovered.

“Youー” You stop short, desire to scold outweighed by timed escape. “Let’s go, we’re in charge today.”

“Aren’t we in charge everyday?” Taehyung’s lax pulls you to glare, Jeongguk giggling at his nonchalance. “I think I’m more of the, I’ll get there when I get there, type of boss to be honest.”

“Well I’m the, let’s get there now so we’re not stuck there all day, kind of boss!” You yank the cuff of his sleeve, his extended arm just missing the grip of the fridge. Taehyung glances to Jeongguk, the two exchanging a look, missed by your hasty retreat, your bag being snatched from the near hook. “You’re driving because you’re annoying.”

“I mean, it is my car, but sure, we’ll go with that.” Taehyung mumbles, the pinch of your fingers against the bend of his elbow only earning you an annoyed glare as he rounds the driver’s side. “What’s up with you?”

“Nothing, I just wanna get as far away from here as possible right now.”

Your arms come to fold with your collapse against heated leather, the wince of your thighs only slight against your occupied thoughts. You sigh, turning to Taehyung with a look hoping to resemble apologetic. He’s not to blame, your projection only poking through now that Jeongguk is no longer in sight.

“I’m just coming to terms. I shouldn’t take it out on you, I’m sorry.” You mutter, hands fiddling against buckled material. Taehyung shrugs, starting the car with an immediate dial of the radio.

“Nothing like windows down and a blaring sound system to get you out of your funk.”

True to word, a ride carefree and offkey momentarily pulled you from a soured mood. Upon studio entrance, the sight of Kyung-Soon worked wonders to pull that cloud right back over you. You chalk it to the sickly sweet grin she dawns when you and Taehyung are spotted stepping in. Her forward sashay enough to pull your lips into a rehearsed flat.

“Morning!” Her tone is chipper, the falsehood seeping through pored cracked, her makeup only slightly less caked than usual.

“Morning,” You respond, Tae only offering a nod before leaving you to fend for yourself, camera already poised before him. “Something I can help you with, Kyung?”

“Actually I was wondering where Jeongguk is. He’s usually here a little earlier than you, but I haven’t seen him.”

Her hints don’t go unnoticed, the flutter of false lashes brushing heavily blushed cheeks, the pull of a plump lip between a blinded smile. She naturally averts her eyes in seduction, her nature to toy having little effect with the information you hold in your pocket. She’s somehow caught on to your attraction to your best friend, her attempts at flaunting what she finds a relation of flirtation with him much more brazen as of late. But you know that he harbors no feelings for either one of you and can only muster a sigh at her display.

“Jeongguk won’t be coming today, it’s just Tae and I.”

“Oh...okay then.” She doesn’t appear bothered, but she eyes you a moment longer than is necessary before her next words. “Why isn’t he coming and why does it seem to bother you so much?”

“Excuse me?” You scoff, feet carrying to your work station, glad to dump your weighty bag. Unsurprisingly Kyung-Soon is hot on your trail, the strong scent of her perfume informing your nostrils of her continued presence.

“Oh please, we both know you're in love with him.”

“I don’t think we know anything. I don’t really know you well enough for you to even make those assumptions.” You feign ignorance, passing her a script, mumbling about an altered scene. “We’re gonna start in fifteen.”

“Oh please, it doesn’t take a genius. The two of you look at each other like you’re in your own romcom.” You halt momentarily at the familiar words, hurt more than surprised at the continued reminder that looks are deceiving. It’s the grip of your wrist in your attempt to abandon the current verbal spar that brings your widened pupils to rest on the determined irises of Kyung.

“We’ve been going at it all summer, Y/n, if you think I’m gonna let this go so easily you aren’t as smart as I thought you were. Maybe you’re good with words on a page, but you’re clearly terrible with your own love life.” Kyung quips, smiling a clear challenge. You want to argue, but somehow you hold your tongue. “Why don’t you just tell him how you feel? He feels the same, trust me.”

“He doesn’t and, if you must know, the reason he isn’t here is because he’s getting ready to confess to the person that he does have feelings for.”

“So what are you doing here then?” She counters smugly. Your mind can’t fathom the sudden interest, but your nerves are set aflame by her blatant insistence.

“Well I’m here to film, so if you would excuse me.” Once again your sidestep is interrupted, Kyung-Soon ripe with exuberance at her current endeavor. You scope, hoping to catch sight of Taehyung glancing in your direction. He appears wholly invested in polishing a routinely absent blemish from his lens. “What do you want from me!?”

“I want you to go home and get your man.”

“Ma’am, I don’t think you’re hearing me. He doesn’t like me, but you know, if Kim Jieun happens to be on campus you should totally go and find her and let her know that Jeongguk is waiting.” You huff, this time successfully moving around Kyung, her mouth parted in confusion.

“Kim Jieun?”

“Yes! Why does everyone respond like that?” You throw your hands, ignorant of the figure within inches of your flailing limb. The annoyance coursing through blinds you to the concerned stares as you pass dented and wrinkled scripts to various actors and stagehands without pretense.

“Uh...probably because Jieun is not interested in Jeongguk...or anyone resembling him and his...parts.”

“Iーwhat?”

“I’m saying she’sー”

“I know what you’re saying, but that doesn’t make sense. Does Jeongguk not know? If he doesn’t know then I have to tell him before he completely embarrasses himself!”

“Wow, you really do love him,” Kyung-Soon muses. “I mean, I knew, but the fact that your first thought is making sure he doesn’t look like an idiot instead of realizing you have a shot just confirms it. Though I’m pretty sure he knows because he was having coffee with her and her girlfriend the other day.”

“Her and her…”

“Girlfriend. Which is me by the way, I’m her girlfriend.” As if your mind wasn’t already spinning out, her words have you reeling. You find it hard to accept that you’re still firm on your feet, the whole whirled tilted from focus.

“No, you’ve been flirting with Jeongguk all summer. There’s no way you have a girlfriend, and Jieun no less.” Your shoulders pull to a shrug, choosing to believe your version of the muddled truth. It serves the least detrimental to your mental stability.

“Sometimes I think you forget I’m an actress,” She scoffs, phone pulled from tight confines, the screen brandished before you. True to words, her screen shares a photo of her and Jieun, very much in love. “I was only flirting with Jeongguk to prove the same point I’m trying to prove to you. He didn’t believe that you reciprocated his feelings.”

“So then, why would he say he likes Jieun?”

“Clearly he wants his ass kicked,” She mumbles. “He was nervous about confronting you, so we helped him come up with this weird plan. I really have no idea, he’s kind of an idiot sometimes.”

On a day of many firsts, the two of you share a laugh, the duration short, but you never imagined a civil conversation with the previously standoffish performer let alone something like this.

“You said we…” You trail in question.

“Me, Jieun, andー”

“Me,” Taehyung, for the second time this morning, catches you off guard. His deep voice rumbling over stiff shoulders. “So I think we’ve proven that we can handle ourselves here, why don’t you head home. I think Jeongguk is waiting.”

~*~

Your heart seems to rapidly beat against your chest for hours before heavy feet carry to the entrance of your home. You pay little attention to the silence of the space, rushing to Jeongguk’s bedroom, half expecting the round of his head to pop from the focus of his computer screen in question. Though Kyung-Soon had masterfully convinced you and Taehyung supported her with his whole heart, you can’t kick the feeling of uncertainty tugging at your abused heart.

It comes full force when you step through Jeongguk’s open doorway to be met with nothing. It looks as if he hasn’t set foot past the wide threshold since the morning. His bed is made proper, his desk spick and span.

You deflate, heat rushing with the onslaught of heavy mortification at the thought that you’d so easily fallen victim to Kyung-Soon. It’s when you recall Taehyung’s ready approval of her actions that sends a tear down heavy cheeks.

You lug over, pulling Jeongguk’s puffed desk chair, and collapse. You take in years worth of collected posters, a hefty sum attributed to tear jerkers and ones that got away. You imagine the relief of ripping them from carefully curated positioning, but decide to ignore angered musings. For the first time since sitting you glance at the top of the desk.

Jeongguk is nothing if not organized, nothing present without ready reason. He has various pens for pouring over scripts and flash drives for various odds and ends. It’s one of these wayward thumbs that draws your attention from everything else.

There against the otherwise blackened expanse reads Y/n.

It’s separate from the rest, like it’s taunting you, he wanted you to find it. Slowly metal and plastic slip between trembling fingers to be positioned to play. You hesitantly light the monitor, still not recovered from your previous upset. Though you know better, you can’t fight the nag the Jeongguk was in on this a well. The pull of the file is your final chance to look away, save yourself from impending turmoil, but you press play before you give reason not to.

It takes but a moment for an unsteady exhale to brush the skin of parted lips. The film before you is a collage of clips and photos of, not only this summer, but years past. It’s you and Jeongguk, your interwoven journey of coming into your own, coming into yourselves, together.

You’re unable to fight falling tears, hands still trembling against clothed thighs. The color and melody floating through softly set your heart aflutter, throwing away any preconceived notions of love unrequited. You giggle tearfully at Jeongguk’s insertions of your own contribution to the project, your off kilter shell and his sandy candid. Just when the video seems to be coming to a close, a clip of you both your laughter oozing with contagion, one more clip catches your attention.

The setting is unrecognizable, unfocused lighting painting a darkened background. You’re quick to realize that the lighting is the least of your concern, the hushed voice the only thing grabbing your whole attention.

“Y/n? Ah, you’re asleep, good. I’m not surprised, the last time you made it through this whole movie was the first time we saw it.” Jeongguk chuckles, the shake of his voice evident despite his smooth delivery. You subconsciously lean in, eager to hear what was so important that you had to be asleep.

“You’re probably a little mad at me right now, you probably think I’m a jerk for taking something nice you did for me and using it for my own gain, but I hope that when you actually see this clip you understand.”

You realize this was filmed most recently, his words this morning clicking: “...your little surprise yesterday turned out to be exactly what I needed.”

“I asked you to help me make a film for a girl that I like...well love and you said yes. I can’t understand why anyone would put themselves through that, but I especially don’t understand why you would do this believing that I love someone that’s not you. It dawned on me that you’re willing to do anything to make me happy and when I knew that I knew that I made the right decision.”

You’re choked, shoulders bouncing with each hiccuped inhale. You can’t see him, but you imagine the bite of his lip between bunny teeth, the rub of his hand against your skin.

“I mean, it wasn’t much of a decision, I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember. I’ve just been so scared you didn’t feel the same, and everything with Jimin...I decided that I never wanna be away from you again. I wanna be with you, I want you to be the girl I realize my dreams with, just like always.”

“I love you, Y/n Y/l/n, and if you feel even a fraction of the way that I feel about you I would really appreciate it if you could slide into that very distracting bathing suit of yours and meet me at the beach. I know! I know that you’re probably cursing me for choosing your least favorite place, but I hope that me leaving you my jeep, which I know you love, will persuade you.”

The dark of the screen doesn’t immediately move you, eyes boring into your tear-filled reflection. You feel dreamlike, everything you’ve been pushing away fighting to take over the darkened confines of your heart. The fresh dust blown from slowed cogs everything sinks in.

Jeongguk love you.

“Jeongguk loves me.” You repeat the words, a mantra that attempts to pull you to stiffened legs. “Jeongguk loves me!”

You trip over objects unknown, every edge and crevice suddenly obstacles in your quest to love. You barely recall the strip of your clothes, bathing suit sticking to your cooled skin suddenly the best feeling. A mind in overdrive makes the quest for keys anxiously taxing, memory doing little to serve, though the hook near the front door lends a fruitful last resort.

Much like this morning, the radio is set to blare, the looks you receive from your doorless vehicle bothering you little. You sit in a bubble, love struck and above the clouds, you care not that you’re going to the beach or that the fabric of your suit is already collecting sweat.

Jeongguk loves you and you love Jeongguk, nothing else could possibly matter.

You realize only once you're pressed to heated sand, much like your first venture toward lengthy realization, that Jeongguk couldn’t have been less specific. The beach is filled to the brim with sandy towels and over aching umbrellas. Children run and scream with careless grins and adults lounge, ready for the kiss of the blaring sun.

You falter only slightly once, in your third sweep you spot Kim Jieun. She doesn’t see you until you’re uncertainly stumbling forward. You’re shocked by a toothy grin, the most reaction you’ve ever received from your past classmate. As of this point you were beginning to question her existence despite your knowledge of her. She had become a mythical shadow that continuously loomed.

“Finally! Hey, Y/n, he’s down there waiting,” Her finger lifts to a row of rented lounge-wear. “That cabana far off. Have fun...maybe not too much, this is a public beach.”

You miss the chance to question her meaning, her feet already carrying her in the opposite direction. Shaking the sudden hitch in your mood you push on, legs carrying you as fast as possible in your game of dodge and weave. Your quest to your love seems never ending, everything that can get in your way doing just that. You inwardly sigh at a familiar approach, smile plastered to your cheeks when you spot him too late.

“Hey, Jackson, funny meeting you here! Do you live at the beach or something…” You finish with a halfhearted chuckle, Jackson not swayed by your ridiculous small talk.

“No, I just usually spend most of my summer here. I’m actually playing a volleyball tournament here today, maybe you can come check it out. I see you’re not with Jeongguk today,” He takes a lengthy step forward to combat your tentative stumble back.

“Oh, I’m actuallyー”

“Waiting for me.” You sigh, relief flooding at the presence of your sudden hero. Though your next thought ponders the coincidence of full circle. “Park Jimin, nice to meet you. We actually can’t stay for your little game, Y/n has somewhere to be.”

“I do…” You repeat, still confused by Jimin’s rescue. “I do.”

“Too bad...guess I’ll see you around.” Jackson gives the two of you a once over, the quirk of his lip around a clenched jaw not unassuming as he stalks away.

“What are you doing here?” You round on your friend, his smile bring one of your own. “I really appreciate the rescue, but I’ve never pictured you as the lounge in the sand type.”

“I lounge sometimes,” You squint, looking to convey your disbelief. “I may have bullied a certain cameraman to fill me in on a certain director's plans concerning a certain screenwriter.”

“So you’re here to…” You wait, hoping that his appearance wasn’t the result of a heart working on delayed time.

“Make sure you get to Jeongguk without a hitch. Now I think you should get going before he punches me in the face, or at least let me get a head start because I feel like he still might either way.” He points toward your destination, Jeongguk stands just outside of the cabana, his expression unreadable.

“Thank you,” You rush, nearly jogging in the direction of Jeongguk. It’s when you’re just feet away that you slow to a steady stroll. He’s without a shirt, his exposed chest, tanned and toned, itching to be explored. “Hey.”

“Hi…” He finally speaks once you stop just inches away. He looks over your shoulder then back to bring doe eyes to hold your own. “Was that Jimin?”

“Yeah, believe it or not he was here to help you.”

“How?”

“He saved me from a certain muscle headed volleyball player.”

“Oh.”

“So…” Any confidence that you held previously dissipates with Jeongguk standing there, his eyes drinking you like ice water. It’s almost like he’s never seen you, like he itches to commit every aspect to memory. The heat of the sun’s rays are combated by the head of your attraction to the man before you, his attention almost too much to bear.

“Come inside,” He clears his throat, pushing back the edge of the sizable tent. “I was a little worried you weren’t coming.”

“Well, it took a lot of convincing for me to believe a word coming out of Kyung-Soon’s mouth. Then a lot of cleanup after you made me cry.”

Jeongguk starts, seeming to take in the still visible puff of your eyes from tears shed. He presses a warm hand against the soft of your cheek, thumb caressing the skin with care. It’s natural, your lean into his touch, there’s nothing unusual about the affection, but it’s only now that you realize it means more. It always has.

“You’re not gonna like, tell me this is a joke, right? I don’t think I could take the heartbreak.” You force a laugh, though the thought lives nowhere near humor.

Rather than a response heavy in verbiage, you’re met with the press of lips. Your reaction borders immediate, body refusing a moment of hesitation. Your hands fall to Jeongguk’s chest, his own hands placed on either side of your face, caressing. You taste the remnants of strawberry, the skin of his lips smooth from application and you don’t resist the urge to pull his bottom lip between teasing teeth. Jeongguk moans at the added pressure, his soft grip loosening until he urges you away.

“Wait…” He speaks through heavy breathing, hands tracing the skin of your arms, down to your waist. “This is real, right? You…”

“I love you, Jeongguk. I’m in love with you,” You laugh, the words sounding foreign when spoken into existence.

“Good...I love you too,” He says the words as if they’re a transaction you’ve completed. The nervous uncertainty residing in the both of you surely laughable to any outsider. “I mean it, I hope that you know there’s no one else, there never has been. It’s always been you.”

“Really?”

“Of course,” He pulls you forward, his legs falling to the cushions of the cabana to which you’d paid no mind save for this moment. It’s cozy and comfortable, the lack of sand preferable. You only take a moment before your eyes fall back to Jeongguk, the twinkle of his own like holding stars in open palms. “Honestly I was terrified when you told me that you know Jieun. I thought I’d been caught before I even had a chance to start.”

“Yeah, I had no idea that she and Kyung were together.” You murmur, Jeongguk pulling you to straddle the strength of his legs. “It’s actually more unexpected than you liking her, but I have to say they’re pretty cute. Also, I’m gonna need to know how all of you guys ended up planning this together anyways.”

“Mmhm, but I don’t really wanna talk about them right now.” He plants a kiss against your exposed neck, teeth lightly digging into the flesh.

“Hey…”

“Yeah?” You manage a glance upward, Jeongguk’s hand brushing against your bottom lip.

“Wanna go swimming?” You’re pulled out of him then, lightly shoving him back.

“What?”

“Do you wanna go swimming, it’s pretty hot out” Jeongguk shrugs, a hand brushing his sweat soaked hair with absolute emphasis. You take a moment to appreciate the fill of his dimples and the wait his hair frames his slightly puffed cheeks before your hand slaps his chest. “Ow!”

“No, I do not want to go swimming. Jeongguk, despite your covert romancing I still do not like being in the ocean where something could definitely eat me!”

“Fine, fine, but one more thing.” You eye him, arms folded in against your chest already growing sticky from the heat.

“Dare I ask?” The way his teeth peek from beneath the upward curve of his lip is answer enough, but it doesn’t stop the wet of his tongue against the skin of his lip before his tongue prods forth to speak.

“I’m just in the mood for something...” His hand rests at the point of his chin, brows animated beneath his fringe.

“Yeah...?” As if at his beckoned call, the words trigger a chain and a young man dressed in the finest a beach job has to offer waltzes through with a tray adorning two drinks of similarity, the name dancing just at the tip of your tongue before Jeongguk beats you to it.”

“Doorless jeep and sex on the beach, baby.”

“Okay, is it too late to change my mind?” You groan, Jeongguk accepting the drinks and pulling you into his side so his cheek meets yours.

“Yup, you’re all mine.”

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