First I will introduce myself; I am a 34 year old divorcee with three kids. That being said I have also come out as gay TODAY to a close friend. I am taking the first baby steps on my quest to discovering me as a late in life lesbian or bisexual. I dislike the term journey, so over used. And anyways growing up as a little girl I always wanted to be the knight on a quest to save the damsel. That should have been clue #1 for me. Clue #2: why does a 10 year old have a crush on Belinda Carlisle? (http://blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com/uponsun/BelindaCarlisle.jpg)
How could a 34 year old woman be so clueless of her sexuality? Power of the mind baby! I was born into a very conservative Roman Catholic family; this is called being a cradle Catholic. In fact my mom is still upset with one of her brothers because several years ago he left the Catholic Church for a more fundamentalist Christian church. I went to Mass every Sunday, every Holy day of Obligation, Lent…if the Pope said you should be there, guess where we were.
Being gay was never talked about in my family. I never even knew that two people of the same gender could even have a relationship! Clue #3: Crush on my aunt, the youngest sister in a large family. Sick I know! But she is only a year older than I -- remember Catholic family! I didn’t understand that I had a crush on her, just thought she was the prettiest girl I knew.
Clue #4: Wishing I was a boy so I could have a girlfriend or get married to a girl. I never had romantic feelings for boys. I would pretend to like boys when my sister, my aunt and my friends were crushing on the boy band New Kid’s on the Block. I know, I know I’m showing my age again. I never got the butterflies in my stomach feeling for boys I did wonder what was wrong with me. Why didn’t I feel the “right” way? What was going on with me? Without any knowledge or LGBT role models what was there to help me understand what I was feeling?
So many clues and flat out smacks up the backside of my head and I finally TODAY have come out to myself (and a friend). I am gay! I want to shout it out to the world and share it with everyone. So I am shouting it out to the world today and will work on the hard part of sharing with everyone (aka: Family) as I become more comfortable with me and who I am.
So please join me on my quest. I welcome questions, advice and insights.