When I voiced out that I intended to take up ballet, my parents were shocked, really. They never knew what I had an inclination to all these years, even after pushing me into different activities all the time, for which I always seemed disinterested in. However, there was something about dance that always had a grip on me since I was a child. There was something I had inside of me that connected with dance in so many ways, but my lack of exposure to the art itself prevented further discovery. Until now that is.
I'm a seventeen-going-on-eighteen male, and I want to be a professional danseur. I admit that this might sound incredulous, given the short time that I have been immersed in ballet, but things like this, you can feel it in your bones. As someone who had never been particularly inclined towards anything in all my years of being, everything started making sense when I stepped into the studio for my first ballet lesson. Finally, I knew what I was, what I was born to do, what my direction was. It was a path rarely taken, but that was always what I had been doing, taking the path less taken as it always made sense to me and I was always naturally going that way.
What I aim to achieve here could be deemed impossible. Stupidly impossible when put in the context of so many countries, and especially so in Singapore where the arts scene is nearly nonexistent. Becoming a dancer here could mean career suicide. But there are success stories, of danseurs that bloomed later than I did and managed to achieve their dreams. But my circumstances make it seem like my odds are stacked against me. As a male Singaporean, I have to sacrifice two years to serve National Service which would commence as soon as I graduate from school. In addition to this, the lacking arts scene in Singapore naturally equates to the lack of dance schools locally, therefore my only opportunity of further studies lies abroad. To further aggravate my situation, I do not belong in a particularly well-to-do family; My parents would not be able to afford further studies abroad, thus my only hope and chance of achieving that would be to obtain a scholarship.
As a late bloomer in ballet, at seventeen, it is hard. With no background in dance, the fact that two years that I could have spent on developing technique and growing as a danseur would be taken away from me thanks to National Service, and my circumstances, what are the odds that I would succeed?
I definitely wish that I had realised this earlier, so that at least time would be on my side, but it doesn't matter. What matters to me now is that I have found my direction, I have found my inclination, and I am not going to give it up. It doesn't matter that there's a lack of opportunity in terms of dance in Singapore, because there are still opportunities, albeit slim. It doesn't matter that I do not have much time, because hard work would be able to make up for that. It doesn't matter, because this is what I was born to do. I will strive towards it no matter what.
I am currently on an adult ballet course which spans through four parts, namely: Basics, Beginner, Intermediate and Advanced. All of which by estimation, I would be able to complete by approximately September to November next year. However, as this is adult classes, I am not being taught according to the RAD syllabus that all young ballet dancers are guided through, I might be missing out.
The whole reason why this log exists is to give me a sense of rootedness, a reminder as to what I strive for. That amidst all the chaos that I might be sucked into through the course of life right now, I remain crystalline in terms of my dreams and goals. That being a danseur is who I am, all that I am and what I will be, and to be fazed by nothing. A chance for self-reflection and self-development, part of my journey of self-discovery, getting me through tough times.
The future remains unknown, but my path I understand
I fully embrace the terrors and pleasures of my undertaking,
dive deep down into my dreams
and begin my metamorphosis into a
