#communication competence

[misterhullemansportfolio]

My Collaboration with colleagues competence, as assessed by Dave Williams, in my final teaching practice.

Rivers International School, Arnhem.

[indigopalmist-blog]

Developing Emotional Intelligence Pt. 1

Lately I've been giving readings at a local Psychic Arts Fair. What I really enjoy about attending those events is that I am seeing many signs which are so incredibly rare that they don't exist in any literature I've come across. I also enjoy that I am seeing recognizable patterns of thought/behavior in the demographic of that area. Today, and for a short series of posts, I want to address such a pattern. 

I am finding that a large number of people coming to receive a reading from me have a Life Purpose which revolves around the search for Love and Friendship, and establishing/maintaining lasting and healthy relationships with others. Because of this, the idea for today addresses Emotional Intelligence: the ability to understand and manage one's own emotions and to be sensitive to other's feelings as well.

To kick off this idea, I think it's important to state that competence in Emotional Intelligence can be learned by anyone, it simply requires a repertoire of skills such as:

Involvement (care about other people and the topic at hand)

Empathy (to help you understand others and devise communication strategies)

Cognitive Complexity (the ability to construct a variety of frameworks for viewing an issue)

and Self-Monitoring and Adaptability (paying attention to your own behavior and having enough awareness to recognize if your current communication is/isn't working and having enough behavioral flexibility to change your behavior/language so as to get a better result)

The idea of self-monitoring and adaptability is key when it comes to sharing your emotions with others and it leads me to explain the proceeding ideas.

If your communication is ineffective (meaning that it does not get the result you want) then you are going to be met with much defensiveness, denile, argumentation, or apathy by the person you're communicating with.

Effective Communication  gets the result you want. In this case, it means that you are allowed to speak on a matter and have your message received and understood by your audience with little or no resistance.

Appropriate Communication, however, is a little different, and I think it comes into play particularly when we are communicating emotions. Appropriate Communication is Effective, and it enhances the relationship in which it occurs. In other words, it's one thing to just prove a point, it's another to prove a point and everyone involved feel better or respect each other a little more because of it.

Now when it comes to appropriate communication, do know that competence is situational. Not every communication strategy works all the time, or with everyone, or in every circumstance. You have to pay attention to the level of receptivity of the other person you are speaking to and adjust your strategy appropriately in the moment according to the needs of the situation. 

A fancy way of saying that is: Behavior and Change are to be evaluated in the context in which they occur and the ecology of making that change.

This is exactly why self-monitoring and adaptability is so important. You must be able to pay attention to what you are saying and how the other person is reacting to your message. If you notice that you are not getting the result you want, then it will be beneficial to change your behavior so as to get a different result. This brings me to the last idea to cover for today, and I think it's one that is often overlooked. 

The purpose of your communication is the response that you get. What you intend to say, and/or how you communicate means very little. What matters most is the way your audience interprets and responds to your message. Therefore, what you say, and how you say it, should only be constructed around the reaction you induce in your audience. 

Many times you may find yourself constructing a message for someone, and the idea you're communicating makes total sense to you, but no sense at all to the other person. This can occur even if the idea you are communicating is something that you and your audience agree upon. This misunderstanding in communication can occur because words are symbols of symbols. They are a common ground on which we stand in order to attempt to convey ideas and emotions to others. Furthermore, one word can have a world of different meanings for everyone. Not just words like Love, Friend, God, or Freedom, but every word has it's own meaning for everyone. 

Fortunately, we have two ears and one mouth so that we can do twice as much listening as we do speaking.  Increasing your communication competence does take practice, and you may find (if you haven't already) that with some persistence it can even be quite easy. Just remember to keep forgiveness, reconciliation, and/or reciprocated understanding at the center of your intentions when communicating your emotions. Next time, I'll start sharing strategies and guidelines for appropriate communication of the emotions.