Eurovision 2010s: 180 - 175
180. Alma - “Requiem” France 2017
[2017 Review here]
~M’brace moi, dis-moi qu’tum’aimes~
God Alma is always a pain to write about because is there a fun way to convey “I think this is good, but not great”? That might actually be the worst thing about it. It takes away all the creative writing fun / snark I have in picking apart these entries. INEXCUSABLE!!!
There are a few things I’m not too hot on: I think the staging and the overt reliance on back- and floordrops (recurring theme for France in this decade) is a bit underwhelming. I’m also not fond of the revamp. The language change itself is.. a bit forced but what bothered me more is the additional orchestration, which breaks my immersion and stops me from really getting into the ~Spam Replay Button~ territory.
ON THE FLIP SIDE HOWEVER, “Requiem” does a lot of things right: For starters, it is one of those Vocal Exercise songs that normally end up being a vocal disaster, but Alma seamlessly manages to avoid Elhaida’ing herself into a mediocre 17thish place. Secondly, while the act literally is just LEDs, they are also visually appealing LEDS (particularly fond of the spinning floordrop). But mostly, “Requiem” is a fun uptempo orchestral ballad, and god, uptempo ballads are SO rare in ESC, I WANT MORE OF THEM!!! Watch us get 0 of them in 2020 after everyone tries (and fails) copying “Proud” instead
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179. Compact Disco - “Sound of our hearts” Hungary 2012
*Gasp* a charity song that I ~LIKE~. All it takes it repackaging it as 80s-inspired synthpop with some dubstep and I’m SOLD. 🤗 To be fair, I only care about the ~sound~ of our hearts this song but it’s one of my favourite tracks in 2012, perhaps even in this decade? I have it on my youtube playlist!
So if I love “Sound of our hearts” that much, why am I booting it now? Well... you know why. I’ve mentioned this before but in addition to being the Land of Fire, Friends, Favouritism and Autofellation, Azerbaijan was the Land of Potato-Quality Soundmixing. Many of the songs I ADORED pre-show ended up sounding like gutter scum and Compact Disco were one of the most severe casualties. Csaba’s voice already sounded shaky in A Dal, but in Baku it turned into a postmodern Nuku Pommiin, specks of nuclear vocal poo scattered EVERYWHERE!!!! The ~delightful~ blonde backing whose name I’m forgetting (omg I am SO pissed I’ve forgotten her name because she is to Hungary what Dagmar Oja is to Estonia and WE STAN!!) carried it hard for me, enough for Green.
So, Bakustans, listen hard and listen good: 2012 will be purged from this ranking in DROVES in this section of the ranking. “Sound of our hearts” is only the first casualty in this Battle Royale. Ten more will follow. Place your bets now and LET THE GAMES BEGIN :cannonshot:
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178. Ester Peony - “On a Sunday” Romania 2019
~She left us, on a Thursday~
But first, I’ll rank some lovable randoms. 🤭 “On a sunday” slaps and did a lot of things right for me, but each of those come with a caveat.
Ester delivered probably her best vocal performance on the night of the semi, but she also stopped slurring her words, which I found very endearing
I think her Acting is pretty convincing, but she’s dressed like a secretary.
The dancers provide cool, animé-inspired moves, but feel pointless
The backing guitarist “possessed” look is immensely cool, but idea of possession is underutilized throughout the rest of the performance
The backdrop is mesmerizing (with good use of the pyrotechnics), but too many wideshots are spent on it.
I think Ester was robbed hardcore, however it was What Romania Deserved by letting Wiwibloggs EMMELIE DE FUCKING FOREST on their jury to ruin Bella with her TERRIBLE DANISH TASTE!!!
Overall, I think the end product is very good, however... not *as good* as it could’ve been. “On a sunday” goes in the right direction but doesn’t run away with its Inspired gothic horror novel theming, like say, a Moldova or a Georgia would have. If Romania had shown more bravery, they would’ve been rewarded by the audience, and Leonora could’ve died instead. I will repeat my motto again, people: stage right or pay the price.
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177. Douwe Bob - “Slow down” Netherlands 2016
~Slow Down Brudder~
“Slow down” is good. 🤗 There isn’t much else I can say besides noting it’s a canister of cajun spice that is somewhat let down by a dumb chorus, but he makes it work.
Funnily enough, I have a LOT more to say about Douwe’s backstage content, which is why he made it this far. Most notably, Douwe proved himself a prolific backstage flirt, hitting off with men and women alike. 💜💙💚💛🧡❤. In addition, he was a top tier ancillary character in Sergey’s storyline where they clearly had something which Sergey hastily tried shrugging off as a “bromance”, adding to the hilarity of Sergey desperately trying to hide his homosexuality with the least convincing straight-acting tropes EVER. <3 But the Douwe role I cherish the most is as the human-shaped dartboard Hovi Star could hurl his razorsharp, acid-coated witticisms at. That’s mostly a Hovi thing however, so I’ll save that for when its time to rank him. (not very soon. 🤭)
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176. Elnur Hüseynov - “Hour of the wolf” Azerbaijan 2015
Elnur is mostly an academic fave for me, because he in a way he’s the cannonically most important Azeri entrant ever. First as being a part of Azerbaijan’s delectably decadent debut, and second for being the harbinger of New Azerbaijan, where they’ve discarded their blatant jury pandering and instead carve out their niche of as everybody’s overstaging indie darling. 🤗
Elnur IS the second weakest link on the chain though (after AISEL), but he is not without his charms. The tacky eclypse/blood moon backdrop <3 Shirtless dancer <3 the HOWLIIIING <3 Melodramatic ovine-voiced TRASHFEST <3 Azerbaijan really transformed themselves from literal (not literal) Satan into a solidly above average Eurovision Country and Elnur is the perfect entry to mark that transition.
