Amehurashi - Complex Syndrome || アメフラシ - コンプレックス症候群
"Who’s the laughing stock now?"
Complex Syndrome
Who’s the laughing stock now?
The scariest part of mornings is my staring contest with the mirror
I still lose even after combing through my messy hair
I keep wishing for rain so I could hide my face under my umbrella… Oh, I’m sorry!
Just being alive is dirty and disgusting
It hurts, these rainy stares send a shock through my chest
I’m sick and tired of making excuses for myself to run
Wait, why do they seem so carefree while laughing at me?
In the shade with no one around, I could never make a sound like this
I want to be loved
I tried so hard to make my best smile shine
If only I could laugh like she used to
“You’re not alone” Do you really believe that?
This kindness knocks the wind out of me
I can only hope it rains for you as well
Complex Syndrome
Who’s the laughing stock now?
Lying awake on sleepless nights anxiously awaiting tomorrow
My thoughts keep going in circles, this is going nowhere!
At some point, I realized that “You’re really cute” was a lie
This graffiti-esque face is an act of vandalism, disgusting and shameful
I was wrong and it was only then that I understood
My smile had been twisted by those painful words
I wanted to live my life pretending to be someone that I’m not
In the shade with no one around, I don’t want to be left behind
I want to be loved
I’ve always despised that lovely smile on your face
Yet those eyes full of adoration are etched into my mind
“You can do this!” Do you really believe that?
I can feel this innocent kindness pull my heart out of my chest
I couldn’t escape even if I wanted to
This Complex Syndrome cannot be healed
I’m sorry I’m such a failure
this is a translation of mine from 12/22/2022. i re-translated amehurashi's "complex syndrome" because at the time i was personally unsatisfied with the original subtitles. i've decided to repost them here for archival purposes.
i have also translated the short story for "complex syndrome" which you can find below the cut of this post. unlike the songs, the short stories do not have official translations.
I cut my bangs. I got tired of them getting in my eyes. It’s not to make myself more attractive, its simply for convenience. With the snip, snip, snip of scissors ringing loud in my ears, I held a staring contest with the mirror. Humans are intrinsically equal, but this societal life ranks us by our worth.
―Pick whichever hairstyle is your favorite! Anything would look good on you.
Such an innocent lie that rings out from the carefree voice in my head. If you don’t jump on a trend before it’s too late, be prepared to escape from sneers and torrents of abuse on all sides.
“With that face?”
It’s always the thoughtless words that pull someone’s confidence out by the roots. I wish those awful words would die already. I give my hair one last shake to make sure it stays out of my eyes. I regret even cutting it in the first place. It’s not like I didn’t know it already. It doesn’t hurt anymore, anyways. I gave the upside down teruterubouzu [1] a kiss, and went on my way.
“Damn, I wish I could go out with the three beauties!”
His unnecessarily loud voice echoed throughout the classroom. The three beauties? The way he spoke made it sound like there were only three beautiful girls in the entire school. Moron.
“Hey, hey~! What are we doing today? Where are we meeting?!”
A carefree voice had arrived. Well look at that, it’s one of the "three beauties." Do beautiful people even have any problems at this point? Since its the weekend, everyone decided to head to the summer festival in a neighboring town that the beautiful girls were going to. She was the one everyone was looking at. I was simply her plus one. I don’t think I have to tell you why the boys were going to the summer festival. I didn’t have the right to veto the decision in the first place. I couldn’t be bothered to think of an excuse not to go, so I just let myself get swept away.
―Oh, c'mon! It’ll be fun! You’ll never be lonely with me there!
Those carelessly innocent words knocked the air out of my lungs as if I’d been punched. Every time that happens I feel my breath get caught in my throat. It’s not that I don’t want to go with you, I just hate being laughed at by you. Honestly, it hurts more knowing that you don’t understand that. I bet you’re going to get all dolled up too, aren’t you? You’d put a hairpin in your hair, wear a colorful vivid yukata, and maybe even put on a little bit of makeup if you feel like it. You’d party with everyone, smile like the sun in the summer, and make lots of sweet memories.
I… I can’t smile like that.
“It’s gonna be fun! Looking forward to it!”
I hope you enjoy it. Everyone is looking forward to hanging out with you. Your yukata suits you, as does your beautiful smile that draws people in. Yet, the only thing I have to look forward to is this damp, humid air. A grey, moody cloud dances around in the sky. Ah, now my time after-school doesn’t seem so bad after all. Rain is always the best excuse.
The rain clouds have disappeared, and the setting sun was dazzlingly radiant. A teruterubouzu hung over the trashcan feels almost ironic as I leave the house with a depressive feeling in a dull hand-me-down yukata, with an old worn out string bag. I walked through the damp grass, my eyebrows furrowing at the pain from my sandal strap. I finally arrived at the station to buy a ticket to the town of the summer festival. I waited for the appointed time of the train, in the most uncomfortable seats on earth.
If only I could be a different person. If only I could be like you. If only I didn’t have this face. The ticket slipped out of my hand and onto the floor. I ignored it and walked to the vending machine.
I wonder if I could’ve been more beautiful. I wonder if I could’ve had a more beautiful heart. I wonder if I could’ve had a more beautiful smile like you. I let out a bitter chuckle at the thought, and hopped onto the approaching train. The train that was moving in the opposite direction of our meeting place. My breath returned to my lungs, and I shut off my phone with a lighter feeling in my chest. My thoughts started circling again as I stared out the train window in a daze.
I wish it had rained.
[1] - a "teruterubouzu" is a doll that is used as a charm of sorts to ward off rainy weather. they're intended to be right side up, meaning hope for sunny weather. however, when turned upside down it is an omen for rainy weather.
