Dream Journal 2017-07-30: Becoming A Crappy Samurai
Have you ever had that feeling where you really want to make a stylish outfit, but you don’t have the stuff you need and so you have to realize your goal with crude substitutes of your original vision? I woke up (in the dream) on a plastic dorm room mattress and decided “I’M GONNA BE A SAMURAI TODAY AND DEFEND COMPUTERS FROM HACKERS!” But the problem is that I’m super caucasian and don’t have the necessary kit to garb myself in something that adequately reflects and respects the long and storied culture of samurai.
What I do have is a black towel, a white turtleneck, some sandals, and a cardboard tube. I put all that stuff on, strap the cardboard tube to my side like a makeshift sword, and look as close to a proper samurai as you can get for a white dude wearing a towel. I probably looked ridiculous, but my subconscious told me my wardrobe choices were pretty rad.
The HR lady from work called me on my Samurai Phone (tm) and told me that there were some hackers on the loose and that my employer had just requisitioned some new computers. The code of the Crappy Samurai dictates that the weak must always be helped in a time of need, so I declare my intentions to guard the new computers and stop the hackers by any means necessary.
A cinematic computer hacking montage happens. OH NO! THE BAD DUDES ARE BREAKING INTO OUR COMPUTERS! But this hacking montage is not realistic at all and involves lots of flashy applications and virtual reality and other impractical things. Real-life computer hacking involves a lot of typing arcane commands into a text box and trying to understand equally arcane output. But we’re dealing with dream computer hacking sequences here, so I’m totally fine with the impracticality of the situation. In fact, I even exploit it to my own ends.
I turn my body into code that can travel through the internet, pop out at the other end where the computer hackers are, and then smack them in the face with my cardboard tube. Physical violence solves yet another problem! Hooray!
Header image is of an actual book by Michael Finn published in the 1980s.
