May 30, 2022
Puppy fever is MURDER right now.
#Conri.txt#conri irl#I am having a hard time#between Aegon turning 5 in a few weeks#housing stuff#disability stuff that thankfully my attorney is handling#but also physical illness shit#the price of gas meaning the shows I want to go to are impossible to get to even if they are only an hour away#because my one ride that I can count on is…. also unemployed right now#and mental illness rearing it’s ugly head#again#I had THE nightmare last night#the reacting dream that I have had since Aegon was a puppy#of him being silvered out and arthritic#and being in his favorite place as the vet does his thing#and just laying down next to him and stroking him as he goes#but usually I have a calming presence behind me#of the future Swissy at my back comforting me because they know I am sad#and the vet leaves and I sit with the body a while and cry into my giant#but last night there was no Swissy#and I have just had… bad thoughts all day#did I screw something up?#am I being paranoid?#have I just not heard from them because they’re busy with other stuff#and I’m already on the waitlist#and there is nothing to report on that end?#I get worried#esp with gas prices#and that being across the state#and my doctor being across the state