Kids at cons: notes on anti-harassment, making a friendly environment for kids and their adults, and advice for con staff
Hi! Here’s a big document of useful info about childrens’ rights and anti-harassment at cons. Anti-harassment as it pertains specifically to kids, babies and their caregivers; advice to con runners on making a friendly environment for kids and their adults; and advice to con staff in general.
About me: I’m Ludi V., I’m one of the three original co-founders of Nine Worlds Geekfest, a multi-genre London-based geek convention with a priority on inclusion. I was the head of content from 2013 to 2015, and also put together the first anti-harassment policy. Both the policy and the con have received praise from lots of people, including some long-established big US cons: I’m proud that Nine Worlds continues to exist and to update its inclusion policies and practices.
I wrote all this for fun, and because I haven’t yet seen conventions talk specifically about childrens’ rights. I’ve included lots of practical advice and sample copy that can be used in attendee handbooks and steward training, as well as general advice for conrunners. I invite conrunners to use as much of the sample copy in their literature as they like: you can credit Ludi V. of Nine Worlds Geekfest.
A mod note: I’m not interested in facilitating a space to talk about whether or not children are marginalised, or whether the harassment they experience is real or harmful. We’re starting from a point of acknowledging that children are human, that children have rights, and that children and their caregivers are currently marginalised in European and North American societies. If this topic is unfamiliar, you can start by assuming that I know what I’m talking about, and then go google “childrens’ rights”. :)
Kids at cons: notes on anti-harassment, making a friendly environment for kids and their adults, and advice for con staff
A quick note: the focus of these guidelines is to encourage con attendees to give kids space and to never touch them without consent. I recognise that this is Eurocentric, and that there are cultural clashes around what’s seen as appropriate behaviour towards kids. I’m writing this document with cons in Europe and North America in mind, and recognising that many cons with a focus on anti-harassment and safety are creating and using a culture of “always ask first, no touching without consent.”
To that end: in a con that promotes this kind of consent culture, kids absolutely must receive the same protections as adults. And, if there’s a conversation to be had about cultural clashes and interactions with kids at cons that promote this form of consent culture, that’s a conversation that can be had under the wider umbrella of how a con encourages interactions with everyone, not only kids.
1. Babies and their caregivers
a) For stewards and con staff:
What harassment of babies and their caregivers looks like:
- unsolicited advice from strangers
- comments on how caregivers choose to feed their babies (this affects both people who breast/chest-feed and bottle-feed)
- touching of babies without consent
- crowding babies and their caregivers
- strangers photographing babies without consent from their caregivers
- strangers giving caregivers a hard time for including babies in con areas
- be aware of babies and their caregivers in your space: make eye contact and smile at them so they know you’ve got their back.
- assist caregivers with accessing seating or floor space
- remind your panellists or speakers to use their microphones. Not only is this absolutely essential for attendees using hearing aids to access the con, but if there are attendees anxious that they’ll miss what’s said if a baby starts to cry, this might alleviate their anxiety and make them less likely to give a caregiver a hard time.
- be aware that babies make noise: squeaks, snuffles and the beginnings of cries are all normal and aren’t disruptive. Their caregiver will know whether the baby is likely to settle down or start full-on crying, and will make an informed decision on whether to take the baby out of the room. If they do leave the room to soothe the baby, it’s worth popping out to check in with them and to tell them they’re very welcome to come back in when they feel comfortable doing so.
- take harassment they receive seriously: invite a con report, talk to Ops, make a note of the perpetrators, and support the caregiver. Bear in mind that sexist and racist harassment often intersect with harassment of caregivers.
What harassment of babies and their caregivers looks like:
- include a specific statement on breastfeeding law where the con is, then reiterate that the con supports breast/chest-feeding anywhere.
- then include as much of the above list as you like
- smile at a baby (*and also* at their caregiver)
- if either is in cosplay, give the caregiver a cosplay token and/or a specific, cosplay-related compliment, then give them space.
- provide armchairs and nursing cushions in quiet rooms and make it clear that caregivers are welcome to breast/chest-feed there (as well as anywhere else at the con.) Provide armchairs and nursing cushions in the kids’ area too.
- talk to the hotel: ensure that caregivers will be provided with hot water on demand to warm up baby food and bottles. Let caregivers know that they can skip bar queues to access this. (Tell attendees this will happen and is supported by the con, too.)
- in advance: make a priority hotel room booking system that allows disabled attendees and attendees with kids early access to hotel room bookings. Advertise this widely.
- let session runners know that babies are welcome in all areas of the con, including over-16s sessions. Give them a chance to air concerns with you so they don’t panic when someone with a baby enters their session!
a) For stewards and con staff:
What harassment of kids looks like:
- adults interrupting kids while they’re busy doing their own thing
- adults taking photos of kids without their consent, or interrupting them to ask for photos, or asking the kids for photos while their caregivers aren’t around
- adults making disparaging comments about kids simply existing at the con
- adults making comments to kids’ caregivers as though the kids aren’t there
- any comments whatsoever about kids’ use of screens or devices
- adults demanding emotional labour from kids (such as making jokes about them at them, not with them; testing them on geeky knowledge; demanding kids’ familiarity and attention when they don’t know them)
- adults getting into kids’ personal space (clapping or waving hands in front of their faces, touching them without consent, tweaking at their cosplay)
- overfamiliarity (unsolicited advice, questions, comments, criticism or praise from strangers)
- be aware of kids and their caregivers in your space. Check in with caregivers if they or their kids seem distressed or overwhelmed with attention.
- assist them with accessing seating, or finding space for kids to sit on the floor or move around if they want it.
- take harassment seriously. If kids or their caregivers are distressed by harassment they receive, treat it as you would treat sexist or racist harassment: invite a con report, talk to Ops, make a note of the perpetrators, and support the kids and caregivers.
What harassment of kids looks like:
- a summary of the above list, or as much as you’d like to include in the con book
- be aware that kids move around and make noise: expect to see kids running and shouting in con spaces, and moving around in talks and panels. Their caregivers will be keeping an eye on them, and will intervene if they're being disruptive; we acknowledge that kids simply talking and moving around - in short, kids being kids - isn't inherently disruptive. If you're concerned about whether a kid is being supervised, or about kids being disruptive, please talk to a steward before talking to their caregiver.
- caregivers or other adults trying to exert their authority on kids who aren't their own, and/or who they don't know. Obviously if a child is causing harm or may get hurt, we approve responsible adult intervention, but we note that adults often intervene unnecessarily in kids' behaviour. If you feel moved to tell off a child, please check in with yourself first: are they genuinely causing harm or being disruptive, and is there a reason their caregiver isn't intervening?
- be aware of whether someone is wearing a no-photo lanyard, and take care to not include them even if taking crowd shots. Even if they're not using a no-photo lanyard, please ask them for consent *before* even raising your camera. Non-consensual photography can especially affect children at cons: please exercise caution, and if in doubt, give kids space.
Lost kids: [conrunners, work out your lost kid policy!]
- if a kid seems lost or distressed, and you want to, do ask "hey, are you ok?" and offer to help them find a steward. Kids and their caregivers have been told to find stewards if they get lost. If the kid says they're ok, please believe them and give them space (though feel free to let a nearby steward know your concerns anyway).
Positive ways to interact with kids:
- give them a cosplay token and/or a specific, cosplay-related compliment (and then give them space).
2.b) i) Relatedly! A useful thing to include in any con guidebook, anywhere:
HOW TO GIVE STRANGERS A NICE COMPLIMENT:
- note something they've chosen in their outfit or have control over: a fabulous cosplay choice, a bright hair colour, an excellent accessory.
- use words like "awesome" and "radical" to compliment that feature, or tell them that you love their choice of cosplay character
- give them a cosplay token if you like
- then give them space. Sometimes a compliment is a conversation starter, sometimes they're busy and don't have time to talk: let them lead the next step. A great response to receive to a compliment is "thanks!" and a smile.
- if you have a general “we don’t tolerate sexism/racism/ableism/etc” statement, include kids: “/ageism (including towards children)”
- get kids involved! Kids love helping. Talk to Tech and Ops about how the volunteer staff can accommodate receiving help from younger members of the con. Seriously: they’ll have the best time.
- make it clear that kids are welcome to move around in talks and panels. If your con welcomes adults moving in and out of the room, or stimming (including using fidget toys, doing yarn crafts, doodling and so on), it must also welcome kids being free to fidget and move their bodies during sessions.
- ask folks running interactive workshops what their policy on kids is. Do they plan to include kids in their session, or would they like to state a minimum age? (Both options are fine, just as long as they know and have a plan in advance, and you’re clear on this in the programme.)
- create kid-friendly spaces. Attendees will appreciate a toddler area with toys, cushions and chairs, preferably out of the way and near a bathroom. Teens would love a teen-focused social space: invite them to decorate it and to run their own sessions unconference-style in it.
- create kid-friendly content, and be clear if a session is focused towards or suitable for a particular age group.
- make it clear early on on the website that kids and their caregivers are welcome at the con. (Put a “Families” tab in your main menu.) Make a list of the accommodations you’ll have and what they can expect from con spaces, from con staff and from hotel staff. Let them know you’ve got a strong and specific anti-harassment policy, and let them know how to ask for help. Seek feedback, and have a conversation with attendees with kids on what they need from the con.
- decide early on on your policy of attended and unattended kids: make it clear to caregivers on the website if you expect kids under a certain age to be supervised. Relatedly: decide whether you'll be running a creche, or any sessions at which unsupervised kids will be welcome, and make this clear so caregivers can work out their options.
- make space available (perhaps near the toddler area) for attendees to park and leave pushchairs while they enjoy the con. Consider lending out bike locks to encourage attendees to feel safe leaving their pushchairs. Caregivers are aware that con spaces are crowded: they'll moderate their own use of pushchairs in con spaces (many will only use them if their child is napping in them, for example.) Make space available in sessions to park pushchairs, and if kids are in them, have stewards help caregivers find adjacent seating. Work out your con policy on whether pushchairs or wheelchairs have priority in crowded sessions, and have your stewards moderate that discussion when filling a room.
Registration and chosen names:
- make it clear to attendees what your registration process will look like. If you welcome chosen names on con badges, and for people to choose pronoun stickers and photography-consent lanyards, make sure you empower your under-18s to access the same accommodations. If an under-18 member isn't at registration and their caregiver chooses for them, make it clear to them that they can come to the registration desk anytime and receive help editing their badge.
- if you're moderating a session with a Q&A, consider prioritising questions from kids: it's great to get kids involved, and they'll likely have some really interesting things to say. If you'd like to invite questions from adults and kids who might not be up for speaking into a microphone, you could also have the option of attendees writing questions down on paper.
