#consciousdecision

[kingofpopmj]

Conscious Decision

Part 1

July 14th, 1988

I’ve just landed in London after a seven hour flight. My best friend is about to perform his first of five shows tonight at Wembley Stadium. It’s history in the making. I couldn’t miss it.

As my feet carry me down the steps to baggage claim, I feel heaviness grow in my chest. I’ve never felt it this intensely before. I try to brush it off as excitement, but it’s more. It’s different. It’s terrifying. I don’t understand it, but I can’t- I refuse to think about it.

I scanned the room as I waited for my luggage. Through the sea of people I see a white sign with thick black letters reading:

'Sunshine'

Every uncertainty vanishes as if it was never there to begin with.

I’m home.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t my favorite bonus daughter” I’m met with the most loving smile from the one and only Katherine Jackson.

“Mama Kay” I’m instantly enveloped in her embrace. She gives the best hugs.

“I’m so happy to see you” She beamed placing a kiss on my cheek “This is going to be the best surprise ever.”

“I can’t wait. Thank you so much for helping me plan everything.”

We left the airport a few minutes later once I retrieved my luggage. The ride to the hotel felt like a lifetime. I was beyond anxious and I could feel Katherine studying my every move. It’s no surprise. She’s always understood me better than I understood myself.

The car comes to a stop in front of the most beautiful hotel. As we step out of the car we are met with loads of people. We link arms walking through to the lobby, standing side by side in the elevator and walking through the hotel room threshold. I do my best to avoid Katherine’s inquisitive gaze, but once the door shut behind us she speaks up.

“Why are you so tense? You don’t think he’ll be thrilled to see you? Why are you so nervous to see my boy? When is the last time you two spoke?”

“I’m not. I mean we’re best friends. We share phone calls often, but we haven’t seen each other in person for a few months. I’m just excited.” I responded hoping that she wouldn’t push further.

“Darling, I’ve known you your whole life. I’ve known Michael his whole life. The two of you are as kind hearted as you are stubborn. You’re destined for more, but I think you already know that.”

“Mama Kay, that’s…” I quickly stop myself. “I’m not sure I’m following.”

“Oh honey, you and Michael are so much alike, especially when it comes to playing dumb.” she took my hand in hers “You are both terrible at it”

“That’s not nice” I dramatically gasped. We shared a laugh, then she continued…

“I want the best for all my babies. And yes you fall into that category.” She sat on the small sofa and patted the spot next to her. I took a deep breath before joining her.

“You love my boy” She calmly stated. I knew she’d see right through me. This is humiliating.

“Michael? Well, I mean of course but—”

“No buts. Talk to me honey” she gave me that look that only mothers can achieve.. they use it to suck the truth out of you. And damn it was working.

I looked into her eyes and saw genuine love and concern. I could never lie to her. I could never keep anything from her. I’ve never had to, but this can change everything. I can’t just blurt it out. It would affect everyone. It could ruin everything.

“I’m so scared. It’s pitiful really.” The heaviness in my chest decreasing slightly as the confession left my lips.

“Sunshine, we all get scared sometimes, but believe me when I tell you, the truth will set you free.” She reached over and wiped my tears away

“I have no idea when it happened, when it evolved. I’ve always loved him, but it changed at some point. Suddenly, I didn’t love him as just my best friend.. I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to lose my chosen family.”

“Oh honey, you could never lose us. Jackson’s are impossible to get rid of. Do you hear me?” She lightly chuckled before looking back at me “I would never pressure you to tell him. I apologize if I pressured you to confide in me. I just wanted you to know that it’s okay. There’s no need to be afraid. You can always trust me. I’m your safe place. Whatever you choose to do, I will support you.”

“You always know what to say. This has been weighing heavy on my heart for so long. It wasn’t until now that I felt like I can breathe. I’m glad I could finally say it out loud and feel that relief even if only for a moment.” I rest my head on her shoulder as she gently caressed my hair

“I’ll leave you with this. I know each of my babies better than anyone. Michael, he is different from any of my other boys. He’s in a league of his own. To him love is like breathing. It comes natural to him. Now, with that said, Michael being in love that is a whole different story. It’s complex. It’s rare. It is well thought out. It is a conscious decision. There is no search for completion or wholeness because you are already complete on your own, but together you are more. For Michael to be in love it consists of his heart, mind, body and soul choosing another. The stars must align and all must be in agreement. It’s once in a lifetime. However, it wasn’t until I saw him with you that I understood that important difference. Michael doesn’t do anything just to do it. He is intelligent and thoughtful that way. I know you are both afraid, but there is no running from it. My baby boy is in love with you.”

Sitting in a comfortable silence I had no idea what to say or do next. I slowly pushed myself off the couch and began pacing the room. Before the panic attack could reach its crescendo; I heard Katherine’s calming voice bringing me back to reality.

“Sunshine, just breathe.”

“I need to see him.” pacing coming to a halt I turned to face her.

“Right now? What about surprising him tonight?” Katherine waited for an explanation.

“I’m making a conscious decision.” I smiled taking a deep breath “I choose Michael. I choose more.”

“Well then let’s go track down Mr. Jackson.” Katherine had this look on her face that told me everything I needed to know.

#1. She already knew this would be the outcome of our little pep talk.

#2. She was actively attempting to mask how ecstatic she was at the fruition of her plan.

#3. The most important part. The key to a happy ending.

She knew exactly where to find Michael.

There it is!

I have a few ideas for how to move forward with this story. This can be a great series if y’all like this first part. Let me know! Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed it!

[kingofpopmj]

Conscious Decision

Part 2

July 14th, 1988

Katherine and I made it to the stadium in record time. She told the driver it was an emergency, so he’d speed through red lights that she described as yellow-ish. It was just about four hours until showtime and crowds of fans were already gathered waiting for the gates to open. I couldn’t help but think of the magnitude of this milestone. I knew it meant everything to Michael.

Wembley Stadium. Legendary.

My best friend is a living legend.

“Michael must be so excited.”

“He gets excited for every show. Now, seeing you, that will be the cherry on top.” She announced proudly.

Entering the stadium my nerves began to intensify with each step. Katherine had a few security guards meet us at the entrance. She wanted to ensure our arrival went as smoothly as possible and for that I was grateful. I could hear the distant sound of music, which I assumed to be rehearsals.

Finally, we made it to the end of a ramp that led to the stage. Katherine took my hand squeezing it giving me silent reassurance. When we made it to the stage after walking up undoubtedly the longest ramp known to man, Michael wasn’t there. The only person in sight was Greg Phillinganes, Michael’s keyboard player.

“Katherine! Y/N!” Greg threw his hands in the air rushing over to greet us. “Michael didn’t mention you’d be here today. It’s great to see you!”

“It’s great to see you!” We shared a quick hug. “It’s actually a surprise. He doesn’t know I’m here. Do you by any chance know where he is?”

“Aw! I see. That is so sweet!” He chuckled wiggling his eyebrows. I brought my hand to my face in attempt to hide my red cheeks. “Thy royal highness was whisked away not too long ago for an interview.” Katherine and I shared a look of panic that Greg instantly picked up on.

“I love surprises.” He announced. “I have some free time. I can be of assistance.”

“Really? Greg you’re awesome!”

“Anything for Michael.” He shrugged.

“Okay, there he is.” Greg pointed around the corner to a large space where Michael was being interviewed. He was placed in the center of bulky camera and lighting equipment. Michael had the biggest most beautiful smile on his face. I could tell by the twinkle in his eyes he was genuinely enjoying himself. Once I heard Michael’s laugh I was done for. There was no way I could wait any longer.

“Let’s get closer.” I whispered leaving the safety of our hideout. The smirk plastered on Greg’s face led me to believe he could sense my impatience. We found a spot with a lovely view of the back of Michael’s head, so he wouldn’t see us. The interviewer Darryl Dennard, however, noticed our presence almost immediately. I strategically positioned myself behind some equipment to avoid his gaze.

The interview came to an end and both men stood from their seats as chaos erupted around them.

“How lovely that you have your family accompanying you on tour.” Mr. Dennard gestured over to us. Michael slightly peeked over his shoulder seeing Katherine.

“Yes, thankfully, my mother is one of my biggest supporters.” He laughed this time fully turning around to call her over. That’s when he saw me.

“Y/N.” Michael said breathlessly. Delicately placing a hand over his heart. He did that when he was deeply touched. It meant he was about to get emotional.

The space between us rapidly disappearing as we advanced meeting in the middle. He instantly took ahold of me. One hand delicately sliding across the curve of my back and the other resting at the nape of my neck. My arms wrapped around him without skipping a beat.

“You’re here.” He exhaled into my neck.

“I’m here.” We stood in each other’s embrace until the sound of someone clearing their throat seized our attention.

“Hello, I’m Darryl.” He spoke reaching out to shake my hand. “And you must be the incomparable Liberian Girl.” He smiled. “Beautiful! What a vision the two of you are together.”

“No!” Michael quickly interjected slinging his arm around my shoulders. “This is my Y/N- well not- this is- not my- I-“ he took a shaky breath. “I meant, this is Y/N! She’s my best friend. We’ve been inseparable since we were kids.” There was a hint of tension in the air, but Michael nervously laughed it off.

“It’s nice to meet you too.” I responded shaking Darryl’s hand. An uneasy feeling becoming prominent in my chest.

“The best friend of Michael Jackson that’s basically royalty. That’s a to die for role these days. You know, there are millions of people that would love to hear from you! Have you ever considered doing an interview?” He boldly inquired.

“I don’t-“ before I could finish my sentence he added to his earlier statement.

“Oh come on. I just know you have stories to tell.”

“No-“ I was interrupted once again, but this time by Michael.

“Absolutely not. She is off limits.” He said sternly.

Michael didn’t say a word on the long walk back to his dressing room. Every attempt to make small talk went nowhere. When we arrived at our destination Michael held the door open for us then promptly shut it behind himself.

“Mickey, what’s wrong?” I hoped the use of his childhood nickname would soften him up. It didn’t. I was met with more silence. He shuffled past me taking a seat as far away as possible.

“I’ll be outside.” Katherine exited at lightening speed giving me no time to protest.

I began exploring the room. My gaze landing on a picture of us taped to his vanity mirror. It was taken a seven years ago. I received a letter from the medical school I dreamt of attending. Michael insisted I leave the envelope sealed until my nerves settled. What I didn’t know was he immediately went into party planning mode. It took him two whole days, he got little to no sleep, but he pulled it off. The most amazing surprise party. He truly thought of everything. It was perfect. He was perfect. Michael is perfect. He felt strongly that I should be surrounded by love when I read the life changing news. Michael was confident I had been accepted, so he refused to hold off on the celebration.

“I remember this day.”

“It’s one of my favorites.” Michael finally spoke up. I took the opportunity to take the seat next to him.

“Mine too.” I cautiously continued. “Are you ready to talk about what’s upsetting you?”

“I never thought about the possibility of you turning against me too.” His muttered words laced with sadness.

“I would never turn against you.”

“That’s what they all say.”

“Michael, I’m not them.”

“I know. I just- I have no idea what I would do without you in my life.”

“You’re never going to be without me. I’m always going to be by your side. Nothing and no one could change that.”

“I still can’t believe you’re here.” He shyly took my hand into his. “You’re my favorite person.” He smiled glancing at our intertwined fingers.

“And you’re mine.”

“I love you.” He professed in a way that would appear as a reflex to anyone else but us.

“I love you.”

Michael has heard me utter those three words thousands of times. However, right now he’s looking at me like it’s the first time. We sat there intently staring into each other’s eyes. I could feel his nerves through our connected hands which caused my heartbeat to accelerate. His breath lightly tickled my cheeks as he leaned into me. My eyes fell shut instinctively when I felt his soft fingers graze my jawline.

“I have to go rehearse!” Michael shouted startling me out of my trance. He pushed me away and scrambled to his feet.

“I thought you already rehearsed?”

“No, well-.” He drifted off. I could see him trying to think of a lie. You know, the lights were on, but no one was home. If circumstances were different I’d laugh at what a terrible liar he is. There isn’t a dishonest cell in his entire body. He fiddled with the hem of his shirt taking small steps backward towards the door. “I gotta go!” And just like that he was gone.

Michael successfully avoided me for the entire two hours before showtime. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had himself locked away in a closet somewhere. There were no rehearsals. It didn’t take a genius to put the pieces together as yet another crew member ran past us in a panic. No one could find Michael or had any idea where he was. I felt numb. He was hiding because of me. I felt like a fool for being here, but somehow leaving felt more humiliating.

“Relax! My boy is a professional prankster.” Katherine shouted after them laughing. I shook my head, but couldn’t fight the smile forming across my face. It’s frustrating that the mere mention of him shifts my mood.

I could never be angry at him.

I could never hate him.

And before today, I thought I could never be hurt by him.

“It’s going to be a great show. Excited?” Katherine asked as she stood beside me. We were watching from backstage so we had a nice view of the stage and crowd.

“Yes. Opening night of five sold out shows.” I smiled genuinely. “Michael must be so proud.”

The lights went down and the roar from the crowd made my entire body vibrate. This is incredible.

As the show went on Katherine and I were enjoying ourselves. I could never get tired of watching Michael perform. It was pure magic. After about an hour into the concert we hear the beginning chords of ‘The Way You Make Me Feel’. Tatiana struts out onto the stage while Michael chases after her. Their playful banter immediately won over the crowd. I had no idea that in a matter of seconds our lives would change forever.

Tatiana stood with her hands on her hips as Michael danced blocking her path. She confidently advanced toward him placing her hands of his chest. Suddenly, she pulled Michael towards her. His voice abruptly cutting off as the music continued.

It seems the universe was full of surprises today. Each surprise designed to break my heart further beyond repair.

Michael and Tatiana kissed.

It was quick but from where I was standing it felt like an eternity.

The concert continued on, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t continue on. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t function. My world came to a painful halt the moment their lips met.

My heart. It wasn’t pumping blood throughout my body anymore. It was just bleeding. It was destroyed and the rest of my body was following quickly behind.

My legs were moving before I could process what was happening.

“Honey?” I hear Katherine’s worried voice calling from behind me.

“I think I should go.”

“What happened to choosing more? Don’t let that change your mind. That out there was not-” she thoughtfully closed her eyes searching for what to say next.

“I think- I think we were wrong.” I sobbed finally releasing all the pain I had bottled up.

We stood in the empty hallway with the faint sound of music booming off the walls. Katherine didn’t ask anymore questions. She didn’t share anymore words of encouragement. She just held me, because she knew that’s the only thing I truly needed.

Ah! Part 2! I had to add some drama please don’t hate me.

Side note: I’m aware that the infamous “kiss” & Darryl Dennard’s interview didn’t take place on this date. I just felt these would be great moments to work it into the story.

As always let me know what you think. Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it!

Part 3???

[jjsimssf]

Monday - Your Metaphysical Minute

Be The Change.

Make A Conscious Decision in the moment.

[theandreafox]

𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗽𝗮𝘀𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗮 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺, 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗮 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗻.... Read that again. . . . Your past is just that.... “𝗽𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗲𝗱”. So why is it that so often we hold onto the pain associated with choices we’ve made or things that we’ve done? Why is it that we can’t seem to let go of that experience and just learn the message from it? It’s beacuse we actually thrive in the familiar!! Stepping out of our comfort zone and into the unknown is scary and new. It’s not predictable. The mind is put into a state of stress so we just give up. Can you relate to that?? So how can you move forward when it’s easier to stay as you are? 👉 It starts with 𝗮𝗰𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄𝗹𝗲𝗱𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘇𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 that the past is passed. 👉 Then making a 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗰𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗶𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 to make the change and move forward. Those two steps alone are HUGE in improving your outlook and I’m not going to lie, it’s going to be tough. 𝗕𝘂𝘁 𝗶𝘁’𝘀 𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝘀 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗵 𝗶𝘁! What is something from your past that you need to let go of today? . . . . #letgo #pastispassed #acknowledgement #consciousdecision #takethefirststep https://www.instagram.com/p/B-y1StZn3EU/?igshid=1nzvv7cwducha

[lipstickontheblunt]

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