#constructive living

[hoyatype]

Quit only when you’re succeeding. When a job is boring or difficult the person in a neurotic moment is likely to want to quit. This maxim advises us to stick through the initial discomfort and to resign if that becomes necessary only after mastering the job (adjusting to the prostheses, making a go of the marriage, adapting to the new community). To change after success rather than after failure gives a different psychological tone to subsequent activities such as jobseeking. Above all we want to avoid building a history of failure.

david k. reynolds, constructive living

and so (in a continuation of my last confessional, tucked under a jenny holzer quote) this is what i’ll be doing. this is what i’ll be doing when faced with the humbling reality that i’m not doing as well as i wanted to. not as well in this job as i wanted to, not as well in moving on from my past (my anxieties, my fears, my foolishly self-limiting beliefs, my procrastination, my guilt, my shams) as i wanted to.

there’s nothing shameful about having struggled. but now that i look at my life i would rather struggle to change, rather than struggle to cope with the reduced, fearful wreckage of a life where i didn’t change and didn’t try.

i don’t want to hold out hope for a fresh start, and always have to start over, again and again, because i can’t face my fears directly. i don’t want to believe that if i stumble once i’ll keep on stumbling. there’s no need to believe that that’s the narrative of my life. i would like to quit only when i’m succeeding. and who knows if this is the moment where it’s right to see it through—it could already be too late, it’s hard to tell how these things work with jobs!

but i have a firm belief that it will be useful no matter what for me to believe in this as a moment of practice. i am practicing recovering from a stumble. i am practicing doing what i can in the present moment and being courageous and full of agency and determination. i would rather quit after succeeding, and quit after i have assured myself that i’m not running away from difficulty but capable (now, later, always) of facing it.

to change after success instead of failure gives a different psychological tone to subsequent activities…above all we want to avoid building a history of failure. the only failure i should be really afraid of is not trying enough to change.

[teledyn]

Alas, you can only yell "Fire!" so many times. It's on fire. Fact. Instead of speculative rabbit holing probable causes and futures, i ask myself, here, this instant in this room, "What needs doing now?" Lather, rinse, repeat 😅

adjunct to that, I was advised to follow that question with another before proceeding and ask, "Why?" 😊

[teledyn]

"Quit only when you’re succeeding. When a job is boring or difficult the person in a neurotic moment is likely to want to quit. This maxim advises us to stick through the initial discomfort and to resign if that becomes necessary only after mastering the job (adjusting to the prostheses, making a go of the marriage, adapting to the new community). To change after success rather than after failure gives a different psychological tone to subsequent activities such as jobseeking. Above all we want to avoid building a history of failure."

— David K. Reynolds

[katfrench]

Digression - March 4th 2017

I've been thinking a lot lately about changing my approach vector. I am a very direct person. Some people like that about me, and some people are put off by it. But one of the strategies I learned a while back is that not every problem can be solved, or solved best, by attacking it head on. Sometimes, you are better off looking at it from a different angle, or looking away from it entirely. When the direct assault isn't working, intentionally switching focus to something else usually results in one of two outcomes. Either my subconscious sparks on an unexpected solution out of the blue, freed from the sometimes wilting glare of my conscious mind. Or in forgetting the problem for a while, the problem goes away. Sometimes, that's because it was never really a problem outside my own head in the first place. Sometimes, my efforts at control and fixing everything was actually what was creating or sustaining a real problem. It reminds me of one of the maxims of Constructive Living. "Feelings cannot be controlled directly by force of will. Behavior wags the tail of feelings." You can't make yourself happy by sheer willpower. But you can willpower yourself into doing things that can influence your feelings indirectly in a positive way. Sometimes, we overreach seeking control, and ignore the power of influence, which is often more effective.

[augustusvanrenterghem]

"Face your feelings, pleasant or unpleasant, check out your purposes, large and small, guide your own behaviour, whatever the pain, in constructive directions. When you fail, you must try again and again. It is in that very exertion, in that strain toward impeccability, that the suffering self is lost and a triumphant lifestyle is gained." - David K. Reynolds in Constructive Living

[myhealthylifenews]

“There are no neurotics or geniuses or failures or fools. There are only neurotic moments, flashes of brilliance, failed opportunities, and stupid mistakes. But these moments, pleasant or unpleasant, can never fix us into rigid, immutable characters. We cannot help but change. This book is about choosing the direction of your changingness and acting upon your choice.”

~ David K. Reynolds from Constructive Living

Our behavior is controllable in a way that our feelings are not. There is a very special satisfaction for the Artist of Living who works within life’s limits to produce a fine self-portrait. The more control we develop over our actions, the more chance we have of producing a self we can be proud of.

The mature human being goes about doing what needs to be done regardless of whether that person feels great or terrible. Knowing that you are the kind of person with that kind of self-control brings all the satisfaction and confidence you will ever need. Even on days when the satisfaction and confidence just aren’t there, you can get the job done anyway.

That’s the ultimate goal of Constructive Living—to help you do everything well, with full attention.

THE FIVE PRINCIPLES OF CONSTRUCTIVE LIVING

1. “Feelings are uncontrollable directly by the will.

2. Feelings must be recognized and accepted as they are.

3. Every feeling, however unpleasant, has its uses.

4. Feelings fade in time unless they are restimulated.

5. Feelings can be directly influenced by behavior.

Our behavior is controllable in a way that our feelings are not. There is a very special satisfaction for the Artist of Living who works within life’s limits to produce a fine self-portrait. The more control we develop over our actions, the more chance we have of producing a self we can be proud of.

The most peaceful people I know have given themselves away… On the other hand, the most miserable people I have known have been self-focused. They worry about getting their share; they evaluate everyone’s acts in terms of how they themselves are affected.

The Japanese language uses a single word for self-centered and selfish. The word is ‘jiko-chushin.’ It means, literally, the self in the middle of the heart—the ego in the center of the mind. It means putting Old Number One first.

“The first step in changing reality is to recognize it as it is now. There is no need to wish it were otherwise. It simply is. Pleasant or not, it is. Then comes the behavior that acts on the present reality. Behavior can change what is. We may have visions of what will be. We cannot (and need not) prevent these dreams. But the visions won’t change the future. Action—in the present—changes the future. A trip of ten thousand miles starts out with one step, not with a fantasy about travel.”

DOING DEPRESSION

Depression can be created by sitting slouched in a chair, shoulders hunched, head hanging down. Repeat these words over and over: ‘There’s nothing anybody can do. No one can help me. I’m helpless. I give up.’ Shake your head, sigh, cry. In general, act depressed and the genuine feeling will follow in time… Feelings follow behavior.

Feelings follow behavior.

FEAR & STRESS

“Anyone who says he isn’t afraid of anything is both stupid and lying.”

As Reynolds continues: “Fear is a healthy emotion. It produces caution, and caution helps keep us alive. Fear, like pain, is unpleasant for anyone, but the discomfort is an alarm that calls our attention to some problem facing us. It is good to be afraid at times.

MASTERY OF LIFE

Constructive Living offers a lifestyle of worth and dignity. But this mastery of life grows slowly, painfully, and only with effort. It requires attention, patience, self-discipline, honesty. It asks you to face your feelings, pleasant or unpleasant, to check out your purposes, large and small, to guide your own behavior, whatever the pain, in constructive directions. It advises you that when you fail, in that strain toward impeccability, that the suffering self is lost and a triumphant self is gained.

Are you living constructively? “There are no neurotics or geniuses or failures or fools. There are only neurotic moments, flashes of brilliance, failed opportunities, and stupid mistakes.

[waterbearsnoscars]

A sound mind can neither be bought nor borrowed. And if it were for sale, I doubt it would find a buyer. And yet unsound ones are purchased every day.

Lucius Seneca