#self searching

[punjabiunicorn]

The best stories are [made] told in the night.....

[lone-dawn]

World of Gray

I envy people who see the world in black and white

People who can tell wrong from right

When all I see is a world of gray

With no way of seeing the right way

I just want to make my own mistakes

And see what heals and see what breaks

And make my choices based on effect

Before I choose to keep up or neglet

The values instilled in me as a child

Because I'm tired of having to hide

Behind the face you want to see

That keeps you from seeing me

I already know what I don't believe in

What's left is just the place I fit in

So please give me the freedom to try

The things I yearn for before I die

And leave me to dance and hurt and fall

And sing and cry and try it all

To find myself in the great big world

And find the comfort in the hurt

And see the black from the white

Like I can tell day from night

[the-catalyst-official-blog]

Gratitude

I went to the museum and I realised how much detail is necessary to produce a true work of art. The amount of precision the artist and those who create the tapestry have is inconceivable. I think to myself how did they create something like that with their lack of technology. This is where I gratitude comes into play. These people had access to no technology but still loved life and had lots of fulfillment.

Nowadays we take things on a daily basis for granted, we complain about the poor phone connection when other people can’t even afford clean water. I find it disturbing how much people feel ungrateful for, maybe look at the things you are grateful for and your life would take a completely different turn in the right direction, altering your perspective even in the smallest of ways.

Tip of the day:

Take a moment to write or think about the things you feel really grateful for because along with gratitude comes sense of satisfaction with what you currently have and have a greater appreciation for what you have too. Helping you acquire a greater understanding for what you had, what you have and what you are going to have.

[wineintowords]

This ones for you, my old Tumblr friend; you’re the case against  meeting people on the web and I hope to God you’ve told her because it wasn’t my place  but it was yours And I’m just trying to come  to terms with what I’ve done

[nowhere-nihlus]

........I’ve been scared about saying anything to my mom about this, [’cause the last time I told her I was in a relationship it was with a piece of shit]. But I think I should just....come to terms with the image my parents have of me and tell them something I did recently.... 

Look, like, my parents see me as their kid who always goes: “Well, I don’t give a fuck what anyone says. I’m doing this the way I want to.” and it led to this ongoing joke(?). When I began high school my mom thought I was going to be just like dad when he was a teenager: Getting into trouble with the law, pressing their buttons all the damn time, getting into bad habits--shit like that. So the day after mine and Tea’s 8th grade graduation my mom looked over at my dad and told him: “She’s your responsibility now.” and it kinda left a bad taste in my mouth?? I knew [or hoped] it was a joke. I love my parents, they’re absolutely awesome, funny, caring, responsible, and I wouldn’t wish for any other parents. NEVER. 

And the taste in my mouth isn’t really there anymore, ‘cause I actually kinda did end up like my dad. I always called out the teacher’s bullshit, I picked fights, was very social, hung out with friends, never went to bed, and skipped classes with friends [not to smoke or anything. But to take naps, eat snacks and play video games. Don’t do drugs kids.]. 

And that’s the thing, they don’t see me as a girl who is always in self doubt, drowning in artistic ruts, and pretty much filled with anxiety ‘cause I have a ‘fake it till you make it’ philosophy. They see me as a confident, smart, sarcastic and ‘I don’t give a fuck’ sort of girl. 

So then it made me realize: 

“Well, if that’s what they think of me. I’m just gonna straight up tell them I asked a girl out.”

[peikonlainen]

Easter was fruitful for sketching Apple! Comics need to be scanned but are partly represented in this post. Details of what is what, Apple’s housing at her fathers place, her friendship with zaax, she meets her grandparents who raides her after 15 years and blind elderly Apple VuV

Notes to myself: Apple lived with her father and uncle Tom as a teenager. Tom usually talked with her teachers, picked her up, made food, was home for her, etc. Not sure how close they were tho but Tom played big part of growth of her sexual identity. Apple didn't approve his sexuality as she was raised not to approve homosexuality. Without influence of Tom she might have never came out of a closet. 

Zaax was first friend of Apple when she comes back to Metropolis. He is a doctor who saved her from the streets, gave her hope when she saw none and became one of her dearest friends for life. Originally he was mostly interested of her eye, tried to kick up with his carrier from her eye but ended up somewhere else. I should draw Zaax so much more, he is such importance in story of Apple. ( +Doc is special to me since he is based of one of my dearest friend @tussurusina. He is so awesome you guys have no idea! *HUGS TO MY FRIEND* )

Elderly Apple will be blind in one way or an other. She is the cranky granny who says things rudely as they are, she hates lies more than anything at this point. She plays organs at local church or something like that at her old age. She will kick so much ass and takes none of your shit! My baby is all grown up TuT

[epilepsypepsi]

Some shit I made while I was supposed to be doing a project

[punjabiunicorn]

You see, there were [many] days where I dwelled in the pitch black corner of darkness. But now, I’m all about rainbows, unicorns and light. Although the dark clouds do show up, I no longer let it suffocate me. Instead, now I breathe and best believe, there’s sunshine! That’s growth. I’ve grown. And I shall continue lighting the road ahead, every step, leaving the pitch black road behind me......