#contemplating murder

[justjanusthings]

[pumpkingeorge]

Uh Oh™

[3racoons-in-a-trench-coat]

Day in the life as a life guard of an indoor pool

Old people swim laps for a while, you wonder if you could preform a 1 person lift in case of an emergency or if youd be screaming for the front desk lady or a bystander to help

You hope your regular family doesn’t show up because you reeeeally dont want to listen to a screaming child for the next few hours

The family shows up and as per usual one of the kids is screaming and the other two are following none of the rules, and of course the dad is doing nothing

You contemplate kicking them out after one of the kids trys to drown the other

You could kick them out, youre allowed to, you’ve had to correct their behavior a million times, but you dont, you dont want to get a bad review as the aquatic staff just had a party due to all of the stellar reviews

You sit in your guard chair contemplating murder as the child continues to scream

Killing them means you dont have to deal with them next week, and you’re pretty sure the front desk lady would cover for you

The front desk lady can here the screaming child too, the glass wall separating us is thin

You wonder if the front desk lady knows how to delete the camera footage that shes in charge of

Would jail really be that bad, youre in pretty good shape and two of your sisters have already been, itd be easy

Continue the family legacy of going to jail maybe

But then you couldn’t see your cat

And you could only get books your family buys you and you quite like smutty books

You decide killing them isnt the best decision

You remind the family once again that they must be respectful of the other patrons and they cannot throw pool noodles at the lap swimmers

[edgylordharrypotter]

Harry: You know what would be great Tom.

Diary Tom: What Harry?

Harry: If someone were to kill my annoying DADA teacher. That'll be great.

Diary Tom:...Hypothetical-

[throneoffirebreathingbitchqueen]

Do you ever just have one of those days, where you have to keep reminding yourself that killing everyone is not an option because, whilst it will get the to shut up, cleaning up at the end will take forever and then afterwards you'll have to listen to more idiots ask where they went.

[homu-san]

Ya'll got that feminine urge to hit your brother over the head with a steel pipe and hide his body in the chicken coop?

It's literally not my fault our mother is starting to favor me more cuz she realized her only son is not getting that sweet inheritance and is trying to win me over in hopes that I'll financially support her when i get a job cuz literally all of her children hate her

[snnynaturalarch]

“Or we could run away together and…” (Wesley still but Autumn is gonna drag him away by the ear, don’t worry)

"chuck,  give  me  patience  before  i  throw  this  child  into  a  river."

[curvy-learning]

how do i put “i want to strangle you until you can’t breathe and you cough blood” or “i hope your children try to kill themselves and you grapple with intense lactose intolerance and diarrhea during sex” into a letter.