Nobody Tournament Fanfic: Pathetic Meow Meow Detective goes up against The Gayest Gang in NYC and fails miserably
Content Warnings: death, violence, “UwU”
Contestant 1 (pathetic meow meow, loves eating pears) yawned, rubbing his eyes, and froze. There was someone else in his bed.
Then he remembered the night before; after a few too many drinks, he’d gone home with a friend of his, Contestant 16 (silly, doomed by the narrative).
16 was handsome and funny, but there wasn’t much real chemistry between the two. Really, 1 had just wanted to blow off some steam after investigating the most recent murder by a violent gang, The Pirates, led by Contestant 19 (lesbian pirate, uwu sayer).
1 sighed and turned to face his lover— no, his friend— hell, were they even friends?—
16 stared at the ceiling; there was something on his forehead. Adrenaline coursed through 1’s body as he realized 16 wasn’t breathing.
He scrambled out of bed, running over to 16’s side— “UwU” was written on 16’s face in blood.
1 opened his mouth to scream but a hand closed over his mouth, a blade against his throat.
“Quiet,” said a familiar voice. Contestant 17 (cute, friendly, stabby, scene hairstyle) was the spokesperson for The Pirates, and 16’s sister. She sounded quite happy, despite her brother just having been killed. “You’ve caused a lot of problems for us, 1.”
1 gulped. He knew this was going to happen at some point or another, but he thought he had more time.
Another figure stepped in front of him. This one he’d never seen before. Well, except in Wanted pictures of course. Contestant 24 (bisexual bigender dual-wielder, loves ravioli) played with two knives as they stared at 1, tossing them and catching them, never once breaking eye contact.
“Are you going to come quietly, or shall we see how many times we can stab you before you die of blood loss?” 17 sounded almost giddy at the concept. She removed her hand from 1’s mouth.
“I- I’ll go with you,” 1 said. His voice cracked from fear, and 17 giggled maniacally and knocked him unconscious.
