not really sure what to do. I’ve come to one of those old branch networks in the road, and I’m trying to decide which one to take. There are no right choices, but there are choices I will regret more than others.
my mother hates me because I won’t give her anymore money. She blames me for the problems that occur in the family, and I think she’s justified in that.
I wonder if I should have quit my dangerous job in the first place, to attend school. My life was short but that would be a noble death.
I can’t fix my brother or my sister.
I work hard for my family so they don’t have to. They have expectations, they have no expectations. They hate me because I am right, they hate me for not being what they expect. They want something that isn’t me.
I try and protect them. I minimize the damage I cause; I am here yet they don’t want me to be. They want me here when there is work to be done or errands to run.
My mother will go her mother, but she cannot take me because I have to stay for my brother and sister. They hate me because I will not be in two places at once.
They hate me because they don’t know who I am. They resent me because I can do more. I try to do more. I don’t know if I can do more.
They hate that they need me, I hate that they need me. I want to be somewhere else all the time, yet I am content when I can be of service. When they don’t need me they don’t want me. They hate that I am always there.
I want to fix my grandmother but I cannot fix old. I cannot tell you anymore than what is that you see. I can tell you what happens if I choose a path, but the answer will not be good.
I have to do something, but what I choose to do will be no worse or better than the other choice I could have chosen. This is an enigma and I am a cog in the machine; I am a statistic. I have no answers but I do have meaning.
