seen from United Kingdom
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seen from United States
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Patient’s (sister?): So this form they’re having you sign basically says that if you die on the table, please don’t sue them.
Me: Please don’t die, that would mean a lot of paperwork for us.
Sister: if you die can I get your house?
Patient: I hate both of you.
"Only when playing Disco Elysium can you ask 'is the neck tie a communist?' and actually mean it."
- @intimatevoid
My brother: I'm having a... brain... fart.
Me:
Brother: Well.
Brother: More like a brain anal prolapse.
Me:
Brother: Are you still hungry?
Overheard while walking to work on Friday:
Small child: *Whining noises*
Dad: No, no! That's against the rules!
Dad: That goes against the rules of the game!
Dad, singing: 🎵 There are no tantrums on Friday! 🎵
Picture this:
It is the dead of night. My brother and I stand on someone's lawn, under a light post, as my dog sniffs the grass. My dog is particularly absorbed in the smell at the base of her favourite tree. The street is deserted. No cars drive by, no sounds from any neighbours. It is Sydney quarantine in August, and all is quiet.
My brother, illuminated from the top by the street light, looks around. Seeing that nobody is around, he speaks:
Brother: So, about that horse's anus --
@ryttu3k made me read this so now everyone else has to as well
why am I friends with @intimidatethevoid
@intimidatethevoid had a birthday recently, so I gifted her a Steam game. Unfortunately it couldn't run on her computer, so we decided we would both request a refund and I'd give her the money for the game on PS4 instead.:
@intimidatethevoid: And again, I'm really fucking sorry about all the trouble. You made such a nice gesture,and I should have been more careful about my end of things.
Me: HOW FUCKING DARE YOU SPITE ME BY NOT HAVING A COMPUTER THAT CAN PLAY THE GAME
Me: HOW
Me: FUCKING
Me: DARE
@intimidatethevoid: I KNOW I'M THE SCUM OF THE FUCKING EARTH, A CURSE BE UPON ME AND MY CHILDREN
@intimidatethevoid: MAY MY WRETCHED GUTS ROT IN THE EARTH AND BRING NAUGHT BUT POISON AND BLIGHT
Me: A POX UPON YOUR HOUSE
@intimidatethevoid: Dishonour on me, dishonour on my cow.
Me: Fuck your cow.
@intimidatethevoid: Mm, Bessie...
Me: oh jesus fuck I take it back
@intimidatethevoid: Too late, those beefy cheeks are calling me.
