My Imbecile Dragon and Me - Chapter 1
The Sheepstealer Mystery, or: Darling, Have You Tried Putting One and One Together?
Rhaenyra: Who rides Sheepstealer?
Alicent: Sheepstealer?
Rhaenyra: The wild dragon.
Alicent: That is a dragon?
Rhaenyra: Yes. We believe the rider serves the Greens.
Alicent: Of course you do.
Rhaenyra: You sound unconvinced.
Alicent: Darling, thirty seconds ago, I did not know Sheepstealer was a dragon. I am already more convinced of my own involvement than I am of your theory.
Rhaenyra: The rider appeared in the Vale. The Greens must have found a dragonseed and sent them to claim it.
Alicent: Where did you say the dragon lives?
Rhaenyra: The Vale.
Alicent: Whose territory is the Vale?
Rhaenyra: Lady Jeyne Arryn has declared for me.
Alicent: So the Greens crossed hostile territory with an army of dragonseeds, found a wild dragon beneath the nose of one of your most important allies, and successfully claimed the beast without Lady Jeyne noticing?
Rhaenyra: They could have moved secretly.
Alicent: How many people did you place before Vermithor before he found someone he liked?
Rhaenyra: That was different.
Alicent: Naturally. Your dragonseed recruitment was a noble sacrifice. The imaginary Green recruitment programme presumably involved ONE candidate and an immediate successful claim.
Rhaenyra: It is possible.
Alicent: And after loudly denouncing your dragonseeds as bastards unworthy of dragons, we secretly established our own dragonseed programme?
Rhaenyra: The Greens are hypocrites.
Alicent: We are, darling. But hypocrisy does not grant us teleportation. And which Green dragonrider trained this mysterious recruit? Aegon, whilst broken in bed? Aemond, whilst absent on Vhagar? Daeron, whilst campaigning with Ormund? Or did Helaena emerge from her chambers and establish a covert aviation academy?
Rhaenyra: Someone else could have done it.
Alicent: Then identify a Green loyalist with Valyrian blood, experience with dragons and access to the Vale.
Mysaria: We are still investigating.
Alicent: Meaning you have no name.
Rhaenyra: Alicent, enough.
Alicent: No, darling. You brought this mystery into my room. We are going to solve it before it eats my afternoon.
Rhaenyra: The rider attacked my army and killed my son!
Alicent: My condolences. But you said Sheepstealer was in the Vale before and even AFTER the Gullet?
Rhaenyra: We believe so.
Alicent: And the rider serves the Greens?
Rhaenyra: Yes.
Alicent: Then why is the Vale still standing?
Rhaenyra: Perhaps the rider was waiting for orders.
Alicent: For how long? Long enough to watch one of your sons remain in the Vale under Lady Jeyne’s protection? A rider who can control Sheepstealer well enough to threaten you can control it well enough to burn a castle, seize a prince or destroy a supply line.
Mysaria: Not every mission demands immediate action.
Alicent: Then what was the mission? Secure a large dragon inside enemy territory and proceed to do absolutely nothing useful with it?
Rhaenyra: The Greens might be preserving it for a more important battle.
Alicent: More important than the Gullet?
Rhaenyra: Perhaps.
Alicent: More valuable than eliminating the Vale from the war? More useful than capturing your son? The heir to the throne?
Rhaenyra: We do not know what orders the rider received.
Alicent: Because there were no orders, darling. There was no Green operation.
Rhaenyra: You cannot know that.
Alicent: No, but I can see patterns.
Rhaenyra: What is that supposed to mean?
Alicent: One: Sheepstealer lives in the Vale, a Black stronghold. Two: A young woman of Valyrian blood connected to your family was also in the Vale. Three: The Greens lack the access, doctrine, trainers and opportunity required to run this miraculous programme. Four: The rider has done nothing a Green rider would logically do. Five: Your husband became remarkably eager to close the investigation before anyone looked too closely.
Ah. The famously impartial investigator whose daughter happened to be in the Vale.
Rhaenyra: Daemon has served my cause; he would not—
Alicent: Daemon serves himself, darling. Occasionally, your cause is standing in the same direction.
Rhaenyra: Rhaena would have told me.
Alicent: Would she?
Rhaenyra: She would not disobey me in this way.
Alicent: Darling, she grew up in a family where disobedience is treated as an inherited Valyrian virtue.
Rhaenyra: You accuse Rhaena?
Alicent: No. I observe that she exists. Your investigation has yet to reach that standard.
Rhaenyra: You are enjoying this.
Alicent: I am not. I love you. Unfortunately, love has not damaged my ability to put one and one together.
Rhaenyra: And what conclusion have you reached?
Alicent: That the most likely rider is someone with Valyrian blood who was already in the Vale, had personal reason to seek a dragon, could act without transporting an entire recruitment programme through hostile territory and mattered enough to Daemon that he would hurry home carrying an innocent man’s head.
Rhaenyra: Rhaena.
Alicent: Congratulations. We have achieved arithmetic.
Rhaenyra: You could sit on my council.
Alicent: Darling, I would rather spend the afternoon speaking to a cow.
Rhaenyra: You think me foolish.
Alicent: I think you are grieving, frightened and surrounded by people who profit whenever your suspicions point away from them. I also think none of that exempts you from using your brain.
Rhaenyra: That was unkind.
Alicent: It was considerably kinder than allowing you to start a military campaign against a fictional Green rider whilst the real one remains in your own family.
Rhaenyra: You still love me?
Alicent: Desperately.
Rhaenyra: Despite everything?
Alicent: Unfortunately.
Rhaenyra: Then perhaps you could explain the evidence once more.
Alicent: No.
Rhaenyra: Why not?
Alicent: Because if I must teach the rightful Queen that a dragon living in Black territory is more likely to have been claimed by the Valyrian girl already living there than by an imaginary Green expedition, your reign is going to end before I finish the lesson.
