#craig rants

[stripesfavoritedad]

I think you might be gay dude

Ah shit I think I might be but have you SEEN him???

[ridingcryingdyinginagetawaycar]

I wish my family was as supportive as Taylor’s. My family take the piss out of anything that I like just because they can’t understand my love for it and I hate it so much. Today I was listening to Blank Space and my dad recognised the lyrics and said that it was one of the worst songs he’d ever heard. I tried to say something in defence but then my brother piped in “but have to heard Shake It Off?!” and I started getting too angry to even say anything. My dad and brother then started talking about how all of Taylor’s lyrics are repetitive and boring, which then caused my nan - who I never get angry at, except on this one occasion - to say that maybe she should get some help with her song writing. I just really fucking hate that my family are tearing into the only person who has ever made a direct impact on my life. Taylor is the reason I didn't kill myself 3 years ago, Taylor is the reason I'm still breathing and Taylor is the reason I smile everyday. I wish my family knew the reasons behind my love for Taylor, but any time I bring her up, they shut me down because she’s “annoying” and “can’t sing”.

[endsuppressionon]

just... omg. i was talking to someone who literally thinks that speeding in a vehicle isn't dangerous. what century do you live in, buddy? they think i'm "just so wrong [they] don’t even know where to start". just omg i hope you don't drive.

[nonbonberry]

Hahahaha wow i feel like a huge failure and second best and just not good about myself at all wow oops can't even make my girlfriend happy after she's had a few bad days and there's always some else everyone would rather be with and after a long break of only talking to two or three people at the most in a day I really feel the possible social anxiety kicking in not to mention my family and friends still aren't calling me Craig or anything like literally the highlight of today was this morning when one friend greeted me with a good morning sir then called me cap later in the day I think this weekend I might leave another note for my family to read when they wake up and like ask for help with shit idk just………fuck idk I think I'm going to be suck I wonder if I can get out of school tomorrow if I throw up now or in the morning hahahah even if I did throw up I wouldn't tell mom about it that would disappoint her and I do that enough sooo that was a dumb idea I'm dumb Gomen for post everyone I'm going to bed now I just feel bad about myself and junk :(

[nonbonberry]

i dont get why people think its a good idea to all get high together while driving a fucking car with someone in the car who does not want to get high or deal with stupid shit like that

just wait until youre fucking not in the car and also not with that person god damn like its not bad enough youre putting your own life in danger you dont have to put other lives in the same fucking situation

i dont care if you get high just dont be exceedingly stupid about it or smoke around my girlfriend. for one it pisses me off for two it makes her uncomfortable for three you're going to a haunted house for fucks sake do you really think being stoned is a great fucking idea

[nonbonberry]

Today in U.S. history we talked about the Presidential Debate last night. The teacher kept talking about how Romney was "very presidential" the entire night and that "Obama just looked like he didn't want to be there."

I just... Romney kept interrupting Obama with false statements! That isn't presidential and of course Obama wouldn't want to deal with that. He knew Romney was lying, that was obvious. He probably couldn't believe people were actually believing what Romney was trying to say was true.

If you're just going to be interrupted with lies everytime you try to speak, of course you aren't going to want to be there.

Romney was not acting presidential last night and it pains me to know people think he was. Maybe Obama didn't have the best arguments for everything, but that doesn't mean Romney was more presidential or had better ideas or anything!

[nonbonberry]

I think I'm going to audition for my first musical this year. One of my actor friends said the district group she acts with is doing the Wizard of Oz this year, which is pretty cute and exciting. I would definitely want to try out for the Wicked Witch.

Only problem is, I would be competing with the director's daughter since she is also an Alto 2. The director's daughter doesn't like acting. Her mom forces her to be in the plays she directs.

If I end up not getting the part because her mom chose her kid and I'm just a new kid I will be so pissed. Just let the chick do what she wants. Don't give a part to someone who doesn't want to be in the shit you're doing when there are others who genuinely would love it.

But anyway. Does anyone have some good suggestions for an audition song?? Also maybe a monologue. Auditions are in December and I want to get working on this shit right away.

[nonbonberry]

I always, always, always feel like i'm going to mess things up with sarah. i say stupid things all the time and i ramble and sometimes i don't even realize what i say until i go back and read it and think "Huh that was probably pretty offensive or rude or upsetting or just not the right thing to say at all in that situation"

i don't think before i type and i really should. i'm already bad enough with relationships when i closely watch what i say and even if sarah claims she likes when i ramble im afraid that she'll get sick of it one day or i'll say something really bad and then it'll just be over.

i know we haven't even been dating for a while but she means so much to me and i'm so worried i'll fuck everything up like i always do. the littlest things can make the biggest difference sometimes

a lot of people hate being told what to do, even if it's like a suggestion or whatever. i give suggestions a lot it feels like. tonight i asked her not to drink tea and other caffeinated drinks after 9 then i later realized that was a really stupid thing for me to say. sure she hasn't been sleeping so well the last few days and caffeine is definitely not going to help her sleep but i can't choose what she drinks that's just stupid. i don't have any right to tell her what she can and can't do and i feel horrible for doing that without noticing i even did that

i feel horrible for a lot of things really.

i feel horrible that i don't like attractive and funny people thinking she is attractive and funny. she really is both those things and so much more but i just... i don't know... i feel threatened when that happens. i don't have a good personality. she could do so much better than me and she deserves better than me and i don't know why she puts up with my bullshit when so many other better people thinks shes great.

but i also feel bad for thinking stuff like that. she seems genuinely happy in our relationship which is fantastic but eventually i just know my shit is going to get to be too much and she won't want to deal with it and i'll understand but also be really crushed but she deserves to be happy with someone who doesn't come with so many problems.

we can't be out around either of our parents or family or even some friends probably for fear of family finding out. if i ever get to visit her, i have to be female unless we're alone or with just her friends. i'm still used to the female stuff but i want nothing more than to be able to see her and hold her and kiss her beautiful face whenever i feel like it without the hate from her homophobic and transphobic parents. not to mention internet boyfriends are a definite no anyway so that stuff would have to be limited anyway

im always complaining about meat and how it has just not been good for me lately ive been getting sick from it and i just want to be done with it but i can't because my parents i guess can't fix me non meat things for just one meal a day i just eat a pb&j sandwich for the other meal so its just one meal that would really have to change but yeah meat doesn't agree with me and i always complain about that and it is probably annoying as fuck

also i've been really really sad lately. i hate lying to her but i don't want her to worry so i say its nothing and that sometimes i go through stupid bouts of sadness and i don't know why but really yeah i think i have an idea and it has to do with jealousy. im jealous of people who can see her all the time and hear her voice and hug her and stuff. i'm jealous of attractive people which is kind of a given and attractive cosplayers who are talented at other things too and just really great people who talk to sarah and realize how great she is. i'm just unattractive boring stupid craig

i don't deserve her at all. i never have and i never will. i'm going to keep working and keeping with this relationship of course but its going to be hard and i know that and i'm prepared to fight all odds to be with her.

i just need to stop feeling sorry for myself and appreciate the fact she is my girlfriend and we are happy together and we're willing to work for this i should probably not keep things from her either. trust is extremely important in any relationship after all. but...

i really hope she doesn't find this post. she went to bed a while ago so i think i'm safe but you never really know. she could easily find i posted a read more tonight and be curious. i just don't want her to worry about me i know she does anyway and i hate it this post would only make her worry more probably.

oh and we haven't really been talking as much the past few days. not as much as normal at least. other things would distract us, like her omegle adventures and roleplaying and making new friends and shit and me with, well, not a lot actually. homework i guess. either way we haven't been talking so much and i miss constantly being in contact with her. i understand people can't be talking 24/7 but it would be nice.

the not talking so much isn't really going to be helped by her going to a fair tomorrow. i really hope she has fun but i'll be so bored without her entertaining bits of rp she sometimes sends me. oh who am i kidding i'll just miss her.

but whatever. i need to just stop typing about this stuff and get to bed. i'll be better in the morning hopefully and if i'm not then whatever i'll just spend the day wanting to cuddle everything and sleep which really isn't that different from the last few days.

heres to hoping sarah never sees this