#relationship shit

[worldwidewtf]

diagnostician

i used to ignore red flags now i diagnose them: "ah yes that's childhood neglect masked as hyper-independence".. can i unlearn this? i miss chaos without analysis

[the-wanderer]

[colorfulcuriosity]

No one knows everything. No one is born with an inherent knowledge for each other person on the planet. Don't just observe your partner. Ask. TALK TO THEM.

"Your body language changed, is everything okay?"

"It seems like you are really tired, are you sure you are up for an impact session today. I will not be disappointed."

"Master has been very busy lately, is there a way I could serve you that would bring you joy that doesn't add to your burdens?"

"Clearly, we are both upset. Now is not a good time to play."

Collaborate with your person. Talk about your desires. Your failures. Your wants. Your needs. Explore things together as a team. You can not build it alone. Success in a dynamic cannot be built one-sided. The higher your protocols are, the MORE communication and understanding are necessary.

Do you want complete and total control of another person? You damn sure better like exploring them, hearing them, serving their needs, and investigating the things they want. You also need to be ready to take responsibility when the decisions that you are making for them go badly. You wanted the responsibility. You get to rejoice and reward when things are going well. You get to communicate, discuss, take accountability, and be ready to discipline (if necessary) when things go badly.

If you are not ready to get dirty and deep in the emotional muck that is human existence, walk away. Keep it for play time. There is absolutely no fault in not wanting a full-on dynamic 24/7. It is a lot. It takes a lot. It is not a requirement. It is a privilege, not a right or expectation. Treat it like one.

Treat your person (on either side of the slash) as if they are on the same team. You are working together to create this. If you aren't working together, then reevaluation is even more important.

If you want help with any of these skills look up healthy relationship skills. Healthy communication skills. Talk to a relationship coach or sex educator (like myself). Communication, although taught, is not always taught well. If you expect great things of your partner, put in the same amount of effort.

If you want them to understand you, be aware of you, to be considerate of your feelings, sensitive when you share vulnerable emotions or desires... then do the same for them. Lead or follow by example.

You've got this. I believe in you.

[theereina]

[theshippirate22]

does anyone have any brain tricks to deal with my problem of immovable object (need to ask for help) and unstoppable force (forcing myself to be “low maintenance” and not being able to bring myself to ask for something in fear of seeming needy and selfish)

[fitveganlifts]

Well, my husband lasted 5 days of dry January. Literally the first Friday and he gave up. He had a long day at work, and I said it sucked but this is a good chance to practice other de-stressing tactics instead of going right to alcohol. We went and got food for dinner, he went to play video games and then gave up.

He decided fuck dry January. It was his idea, I never asked him to do it but I agreed to do it with him. He has never made it through the month without drinking. At least last time he made it a few weeks in.

I'm partially annoyed because he can't even stick with 1 moderately difficult thing and also concerned bc who can't go 5 days without drinking? It's the FIRST weekend of January!!

[alostlittleriverlotus]

Me: *Regularly being a bitch to my wifey*

Her: *Calls me out once or makes a joke at my expense*

Me: *Dramatic sobbing* Why would you say that?! I'm just a sensitive child! You're so MEAN.

And then it often turns into

Wifey: You're mean to me all the time!

Me: Yeah cause it's funny! This is just plain mean! T^T

(Mean being very silly stuff.)

And watching Danganronpa V3. I just. It just feels like Miu. Will be a huge bitch and say awful shit. Gets slight push back or slightly raised voice and instantly starts crying and backing off and being a sensitive child.

Actually. Actually me.

[vstheworld]

buying my girlfriend a giant black hoodie so he’ll stop stealing mine is peak nonbinary couple experience