The In-betweeners (no relation to other products of this name)
In between the i-love-you and the next time I saw The Joker, I went on a variety of dates with people.
Crazy Crooner - was bald and cute with the pretty, slanty blue eyes I like to call panther eyes. He came over to my place as I was cooking tons of food for a close friends baby shower. We made out, and he made me watch that Elvis Presley Unchained Melody video on Youtube, and sang along too-loudly in the close confines of my bedroom. He kept going out to my fire escape to smoke cigarettes, and one of his Tinder horror stories was when he spent the night at a a lady’s house and woke her up because he started screaming in the middle of the night.
“Sounds more like her horror story, amirite?” I say jokingly.
“Well, I guess it’s my horror story because she kicked me out of bed in the middle of the night.”
“Let’s just agree to disagree.” I say.
We make out, and I make him leave. What I had liked about him is that we immediately had a fun banter, but he also seemed to not be serious about anything. He was a painter too.
Our second date, he came over again, but I was sick. I told him I thought it was strep. This time he just would sing Lou Reed and other stuff, too loudly again. And kept opening my window to the cold to smoke cigarettes. And when I finally made him leave, turning down his advances because I was sick and needed to sleep, he got a little huffy about it, and I never heard from him again.
Moment Ruiner - was hairy, and interesting and seemed sweet. He liked to talk about his travels around the world, and lived by himself and was a cook. We texted for a long time before meeting, and it was a nice slower way to get to know someone. His most admirable trait, that he went on a lot of travels alone, like camping through Croatia, and backpacking through Denmark. We met at a bar, and he was also nice and big, something I wasn’t super used to dating yet. I remember thinking I could climb all over him! We kissed at the end of our first date and made plans to smoke and watch Bob’s Burgers the next time at my place.
That next time, we did as we said. And I got to climb all over him a little bit, but in the middle of making out, as we would pull apart and gaze into each other’s eyes, and I would give him a slight smile, he would suddenly bark out, “What!?!?!?!” as if I was snickering at him. Needless to say, it came as a shock, and was a tremendous turn off. He didn’t do this once, but FIVE times! By the end I wouldn’t even smile, we would just look at each other and he would shout this weird question at me. I even answered at one point, “What! I can’t LOOK at you?”
In the midst of slowly screwing around, and my mood getting less amorous because of his ill-timed shouting, he pulled out his dick, and my roommate (YOU’RE THE BEST MAN) came back from being away, unlocking the door to come into the living room, so we quickly pulled apart and I didn’t have to do things to his dick I didn’t want to do. Huge relief. But he was antsy, and then annoyed, and then eventually left when he realized I wasn’t moving this party to my bedroom. He said he got home safe, but no plans for date number 3 were broached by either of us.
There were maybe a few other guys, but only one-date-wonders. And you already heard about the Tinder Ginger, who was the only one I liked, that sparked something in me. But then, we turned out to be totally incompatible for long-term goals so I ended that. I suppose I didn’t care or daydream about any of the other guys because I knew what I wanted, The Joker, but also knew that it seemed like an impossible get.
Until after another one-date-wonder, The Joker calls me, and in shock I pick up.
“Hey, I’m in your neighborhood, what are you doing?” - him.
“Just getting home.”- me.
“Just getting home from what?” - him.
“Uhh... a date.” - me.
“Well, it must not have went that well then. Come hang out with me, I’m stopping by this bar right down the street from you, what do you want to drink?” - him.
“Ugh fine, a whiskey soda please!” - me.
(This was after a couple of weeks of him trying to make plans when I was away, or me trying to reschedule those plans when he had comedy shows.)
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