“Talk to me.” - @betaofthedead
He can't sleep. The clock on his bedside reads a couple minutes after three in the morning yet he hasn't been able to shut his eyes for a few moments at a time since they crawled into bed. Frustrated with tossing and turning for hours, he's had enough of it and finally drags himself out of bed as quietly as he can. Blue eyes trail over the man sleeping in his bed before he sneaks away, only stopping to pick through the pockets of Beta's discarded clothing until he finds a pack of smokes and a loose lighter.
The terrace is connected to his bedroom. Sneaking out is easy, his bare feet hardly make any noise as he goes. The last thing he wants is to wake Beta, when he is the source of most of the turmoil in his mind. There's too many thoughts to pick through; insecurities, weaknesses, hard lessons he's thoughts he's learned by now. His head screams at him to stop something he never had the intention of starting, but his heart? Well in that moment, he craves the taste of a certain brand of tobacco, yet he doesn't smoke. He thinks that's days enough.
The first drag is rough, it scorches his throat and lungs but the momentary pain breaks his concentration. The high of nicotine is what he's after, as if it might set his thoughts straight. He watches the city as it lives and breathes in its prime hours and he takes another drag. The terrace is so dark that the glowing orange cherry lights up his face in those brief few seconds before he rests his forearms on the railing, flicks the ash that carries off on the breeze.
Only a couple more puffs, and he's lost in his thoughts again. Leaning over the balcony, looking down the straight drop from his terrace. As he brings the butt of the cigarette to his mouth, he hears the balcony door quietly open and shut. He frowns to himself and doesn't turn around, doesn't lift his head from where it drops between his shoulders. His free hand moves, brushing back his disheveled hair as the other man approaches him. Beta stops behind him, and his whole body tenses up, even the muscles in his jaw pull tightly. The warm hand that settles between his shoulders should be welcomed, but he shakes it off.
There's a pause, the air grows a little thicker. He takes another drag and twists his head, blowing out the toxins against his bare shoulder. If he waits long enough, Beta might get the hint and go back inside. Or, he'll do the exact opposite.
"'Bout what?" He mumbles against his shoulder. It's natural for him to keep it all to himself, every worry and concern, every little fear. He's opened up his heart in many ways to the man behind him, but he struggles to give him all of it. The worst parts of it.
"I can't sleep. That's all."
