his first instinct was to wave away her plead - he’d be fine. been through worse, right?
true, but still not right. if the shoe were on the other foot and she was the one insisting on this, he’d be far more vocal than she was being. if she were the one trying to dress herself, disregarding everyone else’s advice and concerns and insisting on going to see how tredd was after he’d shot her, then pelna would be more concerned about her mental health than her physical wellbeing.but sarah wasn’t tredd.
there had been no agenda behind her actions. he blamed micah for what she’d done, not sarah herself … she wasn’t a soldier or a guard, not a hunter nor a glaive … this war was taking its toll. others had cracked already - disappeared off into the eternal night and surrendered themselves to the darkness. add the facade of a broken boy to that and sarah must have been putty in that bastard’s hands - she hadn’t been able to stop nyx from getting hurt when he’d fought to defend a doomed city, maybe she’d seen a chance in micah to make up for that? not that it needed any making up.
stopping when his head started to swim, pelna sat back on the edge of his bed and let out a deep breath … okay. maybe another few days. right now he was no help to anyone. even going on a supply run, he’d be useless if a daemon spawned and attacked the truck - or worse. if those scavengers from sanctuary targeted the truck.
some day, he’d make all this up to her - not realising she’d been sent on a fool’s errand back in insomnia, not digging deeper when he’d felt that niggling sensation of unease, for keeping the truth about his past relationship from her … for keeping that watch. for all the ups and downs since then, the chopping and changing, for dragging her and asha to lestallum, and back again on a visit that had turned sour … some day. when the sun was shining bright and they could look back on all of it and laugh, then he’d make it up to her.
for now though, he’d just keep making those small apologies. reaching over to grab crowe’s hand, he laced his fingers with hers and kissed the back of her hand.
’ i’m sorry, i know i don’t make this easy for you at times crowe … i know how crazy i sound. but i just … i need to make sure she’s okay. and i need her to know that i don’t hate her. ’