#crowleysplants

[not-so-goodomens]

Crowley: *insults his plants*

Someone: *agrees*

Crowley: HOW DARE YOU

[ri-writing]

dust and devils on my conscience

Characters: Crowley, Aziraphale, Crowley's plants

Notes: Inspired by this post on tumblr - https://wanderlust-and-rainbows.tumblr.com/post/185692777646/im-very-soft-about-the-idea-of-aziraphale-giving - Title courtesy of Delta Rae.  Not beta'd.  I just keyboard smashed to get this out of my system.

~*~

Crowley had a problem.  This was not new.  Crowley often had problems.  If he was being honest, he’d have to admit that they were usually caused by something he did.  As Crowley was not particularly honest, he liked to think of them as bad luck.

This particular problem was awful luck.  Someone (someone being Crowley) had accidentally mentioned to Aziraphale (or, perhaps, tried to impress Aziraphale by telling him) that Crowley kept plants.  In all fairness, they were rather nice plants – Crowley had put enough fear into them to make sure of it.  Anyone would want to see them.  

This situation wasn't his fault.  Not really.  Aziraphale was talking about Creation, and about how much he liked it and how beautiful it was, and...the fact of the plants just slipped out.  Pictures of the plants in question might also have been involved.  

Crowley had meant, at the time, to explain to Aziraphale that they weren't Good plants.  Sometimes, they got spots on their leaves.  And he meant to explain that he made sure to be Evil to them.  No good deeds going on here.  None.  At all.  He was a demon, after all. Except....Aziraphale was just so happy that he kept plants that sharing the rest of it just seemed.... well, it wasn't something he wanted to do.  So he didn't do it.

Arizaphale learning that Crowley had plants, however, was not the part that was bad luck.  Simple knowledge of someone else's hobbies wasn't problematic.  It wasn't like knowledge of good and evil or anything like that.  No one could use the fact that Crowley liked plants against him.  He could prove his plants were part of Evil so Hell wouldn't be upset with him, and no one else really had reason to care.  No, the problem would be the part where Arizaphale remembered that Crowley liked plants.

And then gave him one.

“I have something for you,” Aziraphale had said only a few hours earlier.  He was almost brimming with excitement in that, that, that way of his - that way that made Crowley want to be excited just because Aizraphale was excited.  Demons were not supposed to be happy and excited, unless, of course, they were doing Evil.  Crowley especially should not be happy at hearing that Aziraphale was going to give him something.  Crowley was a demon.  Aziraphale was an angel.  There should be no gift exchanges between them.  

It was just...just...Aziraphale's happiness was contagious.  It wasn't Crowley's fault that he found himself eagerly awaiting what the something was.  No one had ever gotten Crowley a present before. (Well, Aziraphale got him Holy Water once, but that wasn't a present. It was the result of Crowley wearing Aziraphale down over a hundred years until he finally got what he wanted.  It didn’t count).  This was something Crowley hadn't asked for, hadn't mentioned wanting or anything like that.  Aziraphale just got it for him because he wanted to and he thought Crowley would like it.

As he'd made his announcement, Aziraphale had moved to a shelf and picked something up.  Crowley barely managed to think Oh, sweet forces of evil, not a book please not a book when Aziraphale turned around and presented him with a plant.

It was a sickly little plant.  Its leaves were droopy, and there was at least one spot.  If Crowley had gotten it any other way, his first thought would that it would need a lot of fear put into it for it to be acceptable.  

Had he been thinking rationally after being set on keeping it (of course he was going to keep it; Aziraphale gave it to him), terrorizing it was the first thing he should have done.  He should have taken it right home, introduced it to how Things Were Going To Be by giving it a particularly rough talking to, and then let it near the other plants so that they could explain why it should be afraid of him.  

Except....Aziraphale was happy about giving him the plant.  He looked utterly pleased with himself for remembering what Crowley liked and giving Crowley a thoughtful present.  Every time Crowley looked at the plant, Crowley thought of that and then Crowley couldn't think a single scary thought with regard to the plant.  Whatever insult he could muster would disappear.  It was as if his brain knew that Aziraphale would not approve of being mean to plants, no matter how much better plants were when they were scared.

Shit.

Shit. Shit.  Shit.

Somehow, he'd managed not to let Aziraphale see the problem.  He'd managed to play it off like a pro.  It was a rather masterful piece of acting if you asked Crowley.

But now, he was standing outside his flat, with the plant in one hand, trying to figure out what to do.  It was, most definitely, a problem. Had any of his other plants looked like this one, they would have been Dealt With.  Crowley did not suffer plants that drooped or had spots.  He shouldn't make exceptions.  Exceptions could set a precedent and, the next thing anyone knew, all plants would think they could look pathetic.  He could not have that.  He'd have to just...get on with it.  With his free hand, he pointed at the plant. He opened his mouth to make sure it knew it was a disappointment.

It wasn't a disappointment, though.  It was from Aziraphale.

Crowley studied it.  Okay – it wasn't a particularly terrible plant.  It was little, but it had potential.  He couldn't hold it against the plant that Aziraphale had apparently thought plants liked to live on book shelves where there was no sun.  The angel also did not, last Crowley had checked, own a proper plant mister.  What could he really expect from a plant in those circumstances?  Aziraphale probably didn't even know you were supposed to talk to plants.  Even if he did, Aziraphale wouldn't have yelled at it.  Even when Aziraphale was frustrated with Crowley, he didn't yell, he didn't threaten Crowley’s life, and he didn't pretend to kill Crowley's friends in the next room while Crowley listened.  (That the fatal flaw of this last argument - that Crowley's list of friends was Aziraphale and Aziraphale - was a minor detail Crowley decided to ignore).  Aziraphale and the plant had both done their best under the circumstances.  He dropped the accusing finger and slumped forward to rest his head against the door.

Realistically, what were his options?  He could try to treat it like his other plants, but he'd already proven to himself that he wouldn't.  He couldn't do that - not to Aziraphale's plant.  He could try to find another home for it, find someone to adopt it.  It only took seconds to accept that idea was also out.  No one else would appreciate it properly.  They wouldn't understand it was from Aziraphale.

Crowley pushed himself away from the door and looked down at the plant. Well, then.  There was only one thing to do.  Making sure the plant was shielded from view, he let himself into his flat and took the plant to the window furthest away from the others.  The sunlight was nice and plentiful here.  Better yet, the rest of the plants could not see or hear him in this room.  Crowley set the plant on the windowsill and patted it gently.  “You wait right here,” he told it.  “I'll get the mister and give you a nice drink.  We'll have you looking beautiful in no time.”

The plant gave a little shake that resembled a happy stretch of its leaves, and settled into its new home.  

“That's good.  I hope you like it here.”  Crowley paused long enough to snag the mister from the hall and return.  “The flat has good light.  The air is clean.  It's warm in here.  It's very nice for plants.”  He spritzed at the plant.  “And you'll have all the mist you want.  We can be friends, you and me.”  He paused again, this time to drop to eye level with the plant.  “Look,” he lowered his voice even further, just in case, “We can make this work, just...if you meet the other plants, don't tell them I'm nice to you, okay?”

The plant gave a happy stretch again.  Crowley took that as an affirmation that they had an arrangement.

[boohans]

MICHELLE YOU CAN BUY TWO POSTERS I MEAN YOU CAN BUY ONE BUT THEN YOU CAN BUY TWO AHAHAHAHAHA bye

I KNOW I JUST FOUND OUT AND S O B B E D. TWO POSTERS OH GOD. WHO CARES ABOUT MONEY WHEN I CAN GET TWO POSTERS!!!!!

[boohans]

hm I mostly follow group-specific blogs but I can definitely recommend heyhyuna, naheun and girl-groups (but I guess you probably know at least the last two idk. I wish I followed more too.)

yeah, same really. but i actually didn’t know about those other two, so thank you!! i’m kind of going on a following spree atm haha, just visiting random blogs :)

[boohans]

idk maybe you already follow them but just in case you don't femaleidols is wonderful WONDERFUL blog and they post literally everything and they're great :D

yes yes i do already follow them!!!!! you’re right they’re absolutely wonderful :D (i think i actually started following them because i saw you reblog from them once haha). but yes i’m looking for similar blogs because i want more females on my dash :3 thank you so much for the rec though!!

[boohans]

2, 5, 8 :)

MARION HI!!!!!

2. so this was either taeyang’s wedding dress or snsd’s gee. maybe even wonder girls’ nobody, but prob gee :D

5. oh god, this is ridiculous can i say everyone?? but eunji and bomi because faves i totally wish we were related. um, myungsoo so i could cuddle and annoy him all the time. sungjae, sandeul, niel, zelo, tao, hyuk. basically anyone i could totally dote on and love and keep safe for always (my bro prob secretly hates me i annoy him so much).

8. i used to listen to one direction a lot, but i’ve kind of grown out of them (except niall because never niall). but ed sheeran, taylor swift. i love pop ok. err, ingrid michaelson’s awesome. i actually like a lot of different things, so i have more fave songs than artists, really.

haha, thank you for taking my attention away from the tv!! (i looked up and there was a herd of lions eating a buffalo oh no).

[parsecs]

gdi he's really pretty i've been researching k-pop for the past two days and i am so confused OH MY GOD it starts with 'Kai is so pretty' and that's also the end I'll pray for you. But I am also here to answer any queries! :D

haha oh god D: i will probably ask you about stuff yeah, thank you

[zooeydeschanels]

crowleysplants replied to your post:aww, he’s skating to les mis :3

WHO???????!!?

spanish skater, javier raya :D he skated to one more day.