* a hard pill to swallow.
for: @crsatomi timeline: early in the year or smth
FRIENDSHIP —— he’s not so sure he understands it yet . two people joining together to form an unspoken contract with terms to remain civil and trusting of each other , and yet there’s no guarantee it’ll remain fair and mutual . shiro doesn’t get the politics of it .
he’d brought up the idea one day early in his childhood to his aunt , naive still and curious as he stares up at her stained teeth and narrowed eyes in anticipation . ( ‘ what politics ?? they’ll stab you in the back when you least expect it and leave you there to rot . now stop watching those foolish muggle shows , you idiot ’ ) bitter child , his teachers called him with a sneer off to the side of the room , as his arms sit crossed against his chest and a scowl playing at his lips. he started it ! he’ll shout back in defiance , and the way the adults shake their heads down in his direction tells him they won’t believe him , they won’t care . ( no one ever does ). safe to say the answer never pleased him .
the love of a FRIEND . . . it sounded good once upon a time before blood stained his hands and mocking voices danced around his fallen body as laughter wrapped around the tight space he’d been thrown in . she was right , he supposes as he stares back at her teeth from his spot on the ground . love becomes an illusion , and the strangers avoiding his eyes as he walks the streets at daybreak with a bruise forming at his lip hold the smoking gun that shattered it for him —— there is no such thing as love and friendship for someone like him in this world , so full of anger and exhaustion . he fights it and then he learns to accept it . a simple fact .
and so he vows to change into one of those characters he sees in muggle television once hogwarts replaces and takes a hold of the idea of home within his mind . here , he’ll be safe away from prying hands and dangerous glints in the eyes of those whom were supposed to care for him , here he’ll learn how to breathe without a foot cutting off his airway —— ( maybe here he’ll make a friend ).
“ hey , ” he grins down at her , taking a bite out of his apple as he slides into his seat in front of her . a prime example of a someone he’d been searching for as a mere child , then with longing eyes and lips hesitantly pulled in a smile —— now , it was a different tale , of lavish welcomes and a conniving ulterior motives disguised under a hand of friendship . the only difference is , this one sticks . he gestures at her books with his free hand , brow raising before he takes another bite . “ take a break every once in a while , s . doesn’t your brain hurt ? ”
he swallows back the sweetness , opening one of satomi’s books to a random page out of idle curiosity . “ there’s a game coming up soon , you’re gonna be there right ? ” he takes a moment to run his eyes across the page , picking up one random words before he looks up almost bashfully , almost instantly replaced with a small shrug and large grin akin the one that crawls across his lips when he scores on the pitch . “ with my new girlfriend ? ”
so maybe he’s dying to spill the beans .