do you have any resources for getting a better understanding of emotional incest? i was under the impression it accurately described some of the ways my mother treated me growing up (i won't go into detail on that in your inbox of course) but after seeing your post i want to ensure i'm not misusing a term used to describe a form of abuse that i may not have experienced
Most of the resources on this that I am aware of typically is not about covert incest specifically, but rather about incest/CSA/parental abuse as a whole and discusses covert incest as part of that. I am not sure if that is something you'd be interested in.
Covert (or emotional) incest is where a parent treats a child as if they are a sexual and/or romantic partner, minus physical sexual contact. Incest can begin as covert incest, which then progresses to physical sexual contact. The nonphysical sexual aspects of this can look like a parent discussing their sex life in depth with a child, their sexual proclivities, sharing porn, voyeurism, etc. The relational aspect can involve things like asking the child to treat them the way their spouse treat(ed) them (this is vague on purpose because it can be any behavior really--the point being that the child is explicitly being asked to step into the role of spouse, especially in cases of divorce or a deceased partner), the parent discussing and venting in depth their problems with dating/current partner with a child, asking for career or life advice, making the child feel guilty for not having the correct advice to give them/not being emotionally available to them, getting jealous of their kid's friends, trying to get you to side with them during arguments that involve other adults, getting you to do adult household responsibilities when they are fully capable of them (NOT AGE APPROPRIATE CHORES! Things like asking you to talk to your landlord about the lease, or doing their taxes for them), etc. Basically just behaviors that people would either normally or maladaptively do about/to a romantic partner rather than to a child.
This CAN involve discussing monetary issues like I complained about in the post, but the problem is that people use too broad of a brush about some things. Like I have seen someone tell someone else that they are a covert incest survivor because they slept in the same bed as their parents at an older age than is common in the USA, but is common and nonromantic/nonsexual in the culture that person is from. I have seen someone say they are a survivor because they were asked to do age appropriate chores (dishes and trash at a teen age). And at the same time, there are circumstances parents can face that they may need to inform the child about. A child being told "we don't have the money for that," is not being abused, they are having a situation explained to them. If you wander into a room and see your parent crying and they tell you an age appropriate explanation for their behavior and aren't expecting you to take care of them, that is not abuse. If your parent is a trauma survivor, them mentioning that they are one or informing their child about trauma disorders they have is very different from emotionally relying on a child to help them through it. A parent expressing emotions just in general, is not necessarily them treating a child as a romantic partner, and if anything refusing to show their emotions can cause problems in the child as well of feeling like they aren't allowed to react. A disabled parent needing physical assistance and their child helps out is not abuse, as long as it is age appropriate--however if you were making your parent breakfast in bed and spoonfeeding them every day when they are not disabled, it is probably going to be more in line with them treating you as a partner rather than a child. It is ultimately about them treating you like a partner rather than their own child.
https://www.janiceklaw.com/blog/covert-sexual-abuse/ this link has good examples of covert incest that aren't as vague and aren't as easy to do broad strokes with, and includes the CEIS. Hopefully this helps.
