whyat do you not like bout the créme republic. sorry if it sounds mad i am purely curious!
@blimbo-buddy . PERFECT ASK
(well the fact first that they’re LITERAL CANONICAL COLONISERS) . it sounds all nice here but i swear to god they did not just “””agree”””
missionary cookie
one character straight up takes a valued possession from PLUNDERING AN ENTIRE COMMUNITY AND DOESNT EVEN BOTHER MENTIONING IT i wonder what this reminds me of british museum ass
and “choco mud town.” CHOCO MUD TOWN AKA THE TOWN THEY COLONISED AND REGULARLY WOULD ARREST COOKIES FROM. DID YOU KNOW THEY HAVE A COOKIE CALLED SEAWEED COOKIE WHO HAS TO BURY EVERYONE BECAUSE THEY DONT GET PROPER BURIALS HERE.
and they have a whole point of saying this too. its great that they acknowledge this but its only ever for ONE SCENE and then they move on
AND THE FUCKING “PROMISED LAND??????”
dude .
and dont get me started on madeleine. that will require a whole new post THAT IS A COP WITH BORING YAOI I HATE HIM I HATE HIM
There had been a reason her mother trained her to fight
for her life if need be, a reason her father trained her skill
with firearms in order to protect herself...
Because the world was CRUEL. & people were cruel.
She had one rule because of this. Don't get attached. But
that rule had been getting broken quite a lot recently, a
poor, heavy yet full heart that couldn't stop what it was
meant to do.
She had been given one rule. NO KILLING. Though, if
her own strict rules were being broken... She could break
this one, too.
& she could break a lot more than rules.
Instinct took over as their lives were threatened, the other's
mattered more than her own... Which is why she conducted
herself as a WEAPON. She wasn't just an ordinary woman,
she was a force of nature. Death trailed behind her wherever
she went, & this time; she would embrace that fact.
Powerful impacts were made with both boots & fists, metal
claws that decorated her fingers dug & ripped at exposed
tissue, weapons were turned against their users & promptly
used on THEMSELVES. Teeth bared & bit down hard on
one's neck, the taste of iron gradually spilling into her mouth
as she applied more & more pressure until she yanked back
& tore apart flesh akin to a wolf & it's prey.
This was the lesser of two evils, the way she viewed it; those
who sought to cause harm will never be able to again if dealt
with ACCORDINGLY. As bones snap & crunch, as blood shot
across the floor & walls, as screams echoed & bodies fell; she
felt no regret or remorse.
Sometimes; people NEEDED to die in order for lives to be saved.
When all was said & done, crimson decorated her features, as it
dripped from her chin, mixing with her saliva. Tired breaths are
taken as her form trembles. & when her gaze reaches the one she
sought to protect; it wasn't like her FRENZIED state. But that tired,
yet calm stare that she often had, now filled with concern as shaky
steps are taken. & a bloody hand is extended.
❝ I'm sorry you had to see that... ❞
Her tone is soft. Softer than it should be from what she had just
done. Too docile after becoming what could only be described
as a BEAST.
@j0bdone ( verity ) sent : 27﹕ sender is caught wearing receiver's clothes .
nonverbal prompts .
he'd aimlessly walked through at least two levels of the tower as he waited , dipping in and out of rooms without a word much to the disdain of those startled by the padding of feet and his frustrated sighs . verity wasn't due for another two hours , but when two minutes seemed to span that long he didn't know how he'd cope . something must have been discussed while he had wandered elsewhere , as the moment feet carried him back into the kitchen he's pulled from his path by yelena . she'd guided him to the counter , tapped at a tablet screen waiting with a recipe he couldn't grasp immediately — narrowed eyes sharpen his focus , double chocolate brownies . she throws him a look that tells him to keep busy , and promises she won't be far away . shit . . . but he supposed fucking up a basic recipe is better than straying like a stressed animal .
yelena's plan at worked , naturally . soon enough bob had stopped checking the time on his phone , tapped the screen to life only when he needed to watch an example of how exactly to fold ingredients together on youtube . bob had a vague idea , but inexperience had him wanting to be certain . guessing didn't feel right when he wanted everyone to be proud of him .
the batch was too large , an overestimation for how many mouths he needed to feed . two trays hadn't been enough and bob had scoured the cupboards for a third when there was still too much left over in the bowl . it was a relief when it was over , and bob stood watching them through the oven door . they looked . . . decent . he did that . yelena entered soon into their bake , the smell of warm chocolate had lured her and no doubt would bring in the rest of them soon . she crouches to peer through the glass , and when turning to bob she offers a thumbs up that swells his chest . bob laughs , and wipes his hands on a tea towel - it was hard to keep from wiping them on his pants instead . ' she's here , bob . ' yelena adds upon leaving , like verity's arrival was an afterthought she'd forgotten to mention — she eyes the state of him , flour threaded through his hair when he'd wiped the hair from his face during a moment of chaos , chocolate mixture somehow at his cheek , egg spatter at the hem of his shirt . fuck , she did that on purpose .
mouth gapes with nothing to say , and verity emerges past the fridge to bob's unprepared horror . " hey . . . you're early . " a scramble for his phone , hidden somewhere beneath spilt flour , has bob finally addressing the time , " shit . " she was early , only by fifteen minutes and not the hour he'd expected . bob faces her again with a smile like he'd been caught , mouth trying for something to say . it hangs open when he admires her , he's incapable of keeping his eyes from roaming to - his shirt . " i was looking for that . " he points loosely , " i was up until , like . . . 2am looking for it the other night . " disbelief becomes a laugh , and bob rubs his brow with the back of his hand , smearing flour across his frown , " when did you take it ? "
hi I saw an old post of yours about how if you want to change your body shape you'd have to selectively build muscle bc you can't selectively burn fat and I have a question. I carry so much fat on my hips, wouldn't I have to diet as well as lifting weights? genuine question I'm just trying to figure stuff out
short answer: no
long answer: I mean I don't know what your current eating habits are. if by diet you mean stop overeating or start eating healthier things, then that can be helpful. if by diet you mean go on a crash diet, then that is not only dangerous but actively counterproductive. you need energy for your regular day to day functioning, and you need energy to build muscle. plus, a crash diet is not sustainable long term and most people gain the weight back when they stop dieting. you may even gain more fat than you lost in the first place, since they do tend to lower your metabolism
if you start lifting weights you may find yourself losing fat even without changing anything else about your eating or exercise habits, since your body is diverting resources to building muscles. (but if you wanna do a reasonable amount of cardio in addition to lifting weights you can absolutely do that). so you're losing fat overall in a safe way (provided you're lifting safely so you don't injure yourself, see below), you're building mass where you want it
general tips:
some people will tell you that low weight high reps builds defintion, high weight low reps builds mass. this is not true, they're both doing fundamentally the same thing, it's just that high weights low reps means you don't have to put as much time into it
high weights means whatever is high for you, currently, for this particular exercise. doesn't matter if it sounds high or not. it should take considerable effort to do the exercise, and you should feel a burn pretty quickly, but you should still be able to do it in a slow and controlled way (too much momentum and you're not working your muscles like you wanna be, plus it might go flying) and you shouldn't feel like you're gonna drop it. three sets of five to ten reps for each exercise is a good rule of thumb, but if your arms start feeling like jelly or trembling a bunch it's time to stop
you should feel sore the day after but you shouldn't feel stabbing pain etc
when it starts to feel too easy add more weight or more reps
have a spotter, especially the first time when you don't know your limits yet
some people build muscle quicker than others, but in general it doesn't take as long as you'd think
your body needs time (and sleep) to recover. you should be working out two to four times a week, and no more than two days in a row (if you're getting a less than ideal amount of sleep, I wouldn't suggest even doing two days in a row. if you're getting really bad sleep I'd say see if you can do something about that before you even start lifting). if you're lifting four times a week, you should switch up which muscles you're working on, if you're doing two or three times a week you can do all your exercises each workout
I won't get into specific exercises since I don't know what your exact goals are. my suggestion is to look up a muscle diagram, find what muscles are in the areas you want to bulk up, and then look up exercises for those muscles
form is important, both for being effective and for avoiding injury. before you try a new exercise you should closely watch someone else do it. there's plenty of videos online
pay attention to how they grip the weights, do it wrong and you could drop it or injure your wrists (also note that some exercises require specific grips that won't work with some types of weights)
eat lots of protein
it doesn't all have to be weights, there's also body weight exercises that you can do without equipment. various types of pushups etc
ETA stretch before and after. forgot to mention that
In my writing for this blog, I generally try to adopt a formal and impersonal approach to the subject matter at hand. Admittedly, I can be sarcastic and short-tempered at times, but ultimately, I try to appear as a level-headed individual. The problem is that I’m not always a level-headed individual and I’m just as capable of making mistakes as anyone else. Reflecting on this has gotten me thinking about another aspect of transmisogyny which I don’t think I’ve yet discussed.
One thing I notice pretty often whenever analyzing discourse surrounding transmisogyny is how transfems’ motivations are perceived and subsequently characterized by TMEs who talk about us. Naturally, it’s most obvious when coming from overtly transmisogynistic groups, e.g. TERFs, but I’d like to talk about it in a broader sense today (and how it relates to what I do on this blog).
Firstly, four disclaimers:
1. In this post, I’ll be touching on topics of emotional repression, childhood trauma, Christianity & toxic masculinity, gaslighting, misogyny, and (of course) transmisogyny. Read on at your own discretion.
2. TMEs are fully welcome to reblog. I’m aiming for this to be an educational and informative post about one facet of transmisogyny, even if it does get pretty personal and a little heavy at times.
3. I’m going to be sharing some details of my personal experiences and I ask that, if you choose to add or respond to this post, please refrain from making it about me. I’m not looking for advice, words of sympathy, or analysis of my situation, I’m just sharing what I think is relevant information.
4. This post is explicitly about transmisogyny. If you are a TME person who relates to anything I discuss here, I don’t want to invalidate that at all and I don’t mind if you share, just please try not to derail and make this post about any particular group of TMEs.
Anyway, without further ado, let’s talk about
How transmisogyny convicts transfems of invented/perceived motivations.
Being raised as a “Good Christian Boy,” I was taught to repress everything. Confusion about my identity, sadness over feeling alienated, anger towards mistreatment... Hell, even expressing passion about my interests was too much for the reserved Christian men I grew up around. “Liking cars and power tools is fine, but don’t you ever get excited about sharing that with someone else. That’s weird.” I was taught that all of this would go away if I could just man-up or pray about it enough. If I could only turn my emotions off. And, of course, I internalized such messages as an impressionable child, and they continue to affect me even into adulthood.
I think, in a lot of ways, rather than unlearning repression, I’ve simply converted to (what I see as) the only alternative way of earning that long-desired approval from men. Do not misunderstand me here: being taught to repress my emotions was not “male socialization,” because right alongside those messages were all the do’s and don’ts of being a Proper Lady who folds her hands and never shouts. I internalized those messages, too. “I won’t be angry, I won’t be emotional, I won’t be hysterical. I won’t fight back.” This is, I believe, what I have taught myself. This is how I pray the emotions away.
Of course, there’s the tiny, little detail that this doesn’t work and I will never have the approval of cis men or women at large, but that’s a whole suitcase to throw away another day. Where it starts to get complicated is that I sometimes have trouble determining who my “self” is, and I am positive that these two things are inextricably linked: Repressing my emotions has left me feeling void of an emotional identity. But that void has to be filled by something.
What I’ve noticed is that this tends to happen a lot with transfeminine people, not just during childhood, but all the time. We have ideas put into our heads as frequently as we have words put into our mouths. There’s always a “why.” All sorts of theories about why we are — why we’re actually men, why we’re actually predators, why we’re actually “autogynephiles” — why we went “wrong.” Whys are applied to our motivations for speaking about transmisogyny as well — why we’re appropriating women’s oppression, why we hate trans men, why we’re making too much of a scene — why we’re liars, lying about our oppression and lying about our experiences.
Anyone who’s the slightest bit familiar with how transmisogyny works can tell you that, due to largely unconscious bias, a transfem person’s every word and action will be hyper-scrutinized through the lens that we’re inherently dangerous and predatory until proven otherwise. Our motivations are presumed from the start, and presumed only to change when TMEs decide that evidence is sufficient. This is why many of us are afraid to speak out against transmisogyny and are highly cautious when we do. If every perceptible emotion is seen as a potential motivator for or precursor to violence (or presumed to be deception in service of some ulterior motive), it’s better to have no perceptible emotions at all.
There are various reactions one may have when faced with this reality. There are those who simultaneously affirm and distance themselves from such convictions — “Yes, they’re like that, but I’m not like them. I’m one of the good ones!” There are those who crack and admit to everything under duress, perhaps hoping for some kind of “forgiveness” if they promise to be good. There are those who give up trying to make others understand, who choose to only interact meaningfully with those who already do, other transmisogyny-affected people. There are those who snap and decide, in some twisted sense, that the words which have been put into their mouths should become true. And then there’s me, the one who simply can’t give up.
Why am I doing this?
I ask myself this question constantly and sometimes find that I’ve forgotten the answer, the real answer. Am I appropriating women’s oppression? Do I hate trans men? Am I a monster, a liar, a predator, an aggressor? Am I broken, am I pretending, am I... Am I making too much of a scene?
Anger, emotion, hysteria — Is this what fighting back looks like?
...
I’ve tried many ways of continuing this post from here.
I can’t.
Not without getting deeply into my trauma. I’m not ready to talk about that yet, about why my sense of self is so easily destabilized and what that has to do with transmisogyny. I’ve had enough of whys anyway. You can fill in the blanks with whatever you want, I just want to be heard this once:
The truth is that I didn’t teach myself any of these things, they were beaten into me over and over and over again. The truth is that having motivations thrust upon me all the time destabilizes my sense of self and my sense of purpose, and that’s all you need to know.
Try as I may to be as analytical and impersonal on this blog as possible, I won’t ever be able to separate myself from my trauma. I can’t detach myself from the emotions it makes me feel. At times, I become so obsessed with the idea of “correcting” the version of me that exists in other peoples’ heads that I forget which version of me is real. At times, I become so obsessed with being the “right” me, the Proper Lady who never shouts, that I forget that’s not all there is to me.
I forget why.
And that’s a vicious cycle, isn’t it? Repress your emotions so people don’t get the wrong idea, people force the wrong idea onto you anyway, you start to wonder just how wrong the idea really is if everyone seems to believe it... And if you push back, it’s seen as confirmation that you’re every bit as nasty as they say you are... And if you do nothing, then they continue chipping away at your sense of self while filling that void with their own beliefs about you. That’s a reality that most transfeminine people will have to deal with.
But I know who I am and I know why I do what I do. I truly believe I’m doing the right thing here, this is my conviction. I won’t give up on that, nor will I let anger consume me. I have the right to be angry and I refuse to be demure and passive. But I will also keep my sights on the goodness that I know is within me and within those around me. I’ll fill that void with the compassion that has been shown to me through this blog. That’s my takeaway.
So, in conclusion...
TME allies, please be conscious of the assumptions you make about why a transfeminine person chooses to do what they do and what could be informing those assumptions.
And to my fellow transfems, please remember that, if it came down to it, you could kick the ass of whatever imaginary version of “you” exists in some dumb transmisogynist’s head any day.
tagged by @sinisterpeople for my top albums of the year (no real particular order )
1. Brazilian Girls EP - ive already had listened to their other album but listening to their first one, was sooo good to discover these, top song: Homme
2. Macross Frontier Vocal Collection Nyan Tama - listen. i know im resident Macross F song listener but this singles album is just, very well put together to me , its nostalgic and i have SUCHHHH a soft spot for Mayn´s songs in it lmao , top song: Yousei
3. The Showstoppers II (TWF albums in general) - if you dont understand The Walten Files, thats totally fine, they are a mishmash of edited old music and original music and covers made by indie band Sweet Tuesday, they got a real amateur charm to them and they just tie into the lore well without feeling hamfisted in there, top song: Once Again
4. Illusion Lock Complete Ost - Parson Hex´s story n music lives rent free in my brain, i was already into it in 2020 but the amount of content poured out in 2021 left me in shambles, its sooo ...inexplicable, whimsy, top song: Dance 2
5. Metaroom / Sweet Genesis - i watched Temptation Stairway and i fell for God´s race SOOO HARD i needed to know who made the music, Metaroom´s music is so fucking catchy , top song: Worm Rave
6. Magdalena Bay / Mercurial World - this been one of my most recent albums i listened to and man what a good choice , its just a legit good pop album, i know the influences are more recent but i couldnt help but think its so, Mynogue-esque, top song: Secret (Your Fire)
7. Nastyona / 아홉가지 기분 (9 moods?) - i am not gonna lie if it wasnt for VIVINOS horror videos idk how i would have found this band , they really are so haunting, its great music i wish it wasnt just treated like trendy horror anime , check the other albums too , top song: 요단강 (Jordan River)
8. McBaise / TUBES - i been waiting for this album for a while and it sure didnt fucking disappoint like, what a good album, severely underrated you all gotta watch the Waterslide video , top song: Cobra
9. Lovage / Music to make love to your old lady by - yes long ass album name but honestly, where would i be without having discovered this album , i already have been listening to Mike Patton for a while but this one just brings out a whole facet out of him, extremely hard choice but top song: Lifeboat
10. Mr Bungle / California - i already said ive been listening obsessibly to Mr Bungle but i legit think California is like, their best album , its just the right amount of everything , top song: Pink Cigarette
extremely honorable mentions because i couldnt put more albums in the post:
Kate Bush´s Sensual World - Elbow - Jellyfish´s Spilt Milk - Jamiroquai - Crumb - Deltarune Chap.2 ost - Soda Stereo´s Sueño Stereo - Dave Gahan
anyways taggingg uuuhhhhhhhhh YOU! do this to just show ppl to what u listened to just have fun :) u dont gotta do it the way i did i just love being obnoxious
Character: Benjamin sisko and / or Beverly toegold! (I started listening to NADDPOD becus of your posts and I’m currently on the hell arc <3 it’s really good!!)
what the heck i’ll do both
The Sisko
first impression: i think i knew i would like him right away. i don’t remember what fanon impressions i had osmoted at the time but i was like surprised to find out he was a sadman deadwife
impression now: best captain, coolest guy and dad, i love it when he looks like he’s 5 seconds from quitting his job to go make artisanal wooden cuckoo clocks on bajor for the rest of his life
favorite moment: far beyond the stars (all of it), pale moonlight monologue, when he built a full spaceship in his garage so he could hang out with his son and every other time he gets really into some weird dad project. when kasidy’s trying to cook for him and he’s like “my peppers!! D:”
idea for a story: i think he should like... constantly be materializing from the ether to hang out. like i just feel like he should be basically a Q now and just be able to time travel and teleport around so he can like be a husband father & friend in addition to a space god. the story i guess is him doing this
unpopular opinion: he was right that all the sixties nostalgia content in later seasons was kinda ghoulish. it’s cute that he started having fun with it but did he not have a point
favorite relationship: with his family... and also with Dax and Kira bc i think being friends with a person who effectively reincarnates every once in a while thru all their iterations is beautiful & i love the actual storylines that were done wrt an executive officer having beef with their captain on ds9
favorite headcanon: i like that he gets into a bunch of obscure hobbies in the show, i think he would be an elaborate miniature train set guy
Young Bev
first impression: i liked drawfee already so i was like nice more caldwell content :) but fully had no clue what i was in for
impression now: he is my son.
favorite moment: ouuuughhhh. trying not to spoil anything but he is really good in the hell arc, i thought all the anime monologues he did in those episodes were great. i love a bev anime monologue, i also love a bev gay moment. when caldwell decides that bev thinks someone is hot i do laugh
idea for a story: ummmm i think it would be cool to do a Sequel to campaign 1 where they’re all old and he’s like a super powerful paladin with the vibes of a very enthusiastic camp counselor
unpopular opinion: i don’t think i have any of these i think all the bev opinions i know are just like “he is the World’s Son” which is true
favorite relationship: i love the boobs as a unit so deeply. those are his cool older siblings who love him. i love his dad and his extra other dad in case he loses his original one. i love that he calls his mom. i love that he has a little boyfriend and everything. gosh
