omg I get sleep paralysis too!! Always when I am falling asleep. Sometimes I will see bugs crawling up the wall and on the rare occasion I will see someone standing next to my bed. I literally scare myself awake every time, jump out of bed and turn on the light. It's the oddest thing, isn't it?
IT IS! I have indeed also seen people standing next to my bed. And I don’t think I’m asleep when it happens, because I can move and sit up and decide whether to turn the light on. I can even tell myself it’s not real because it cannot possibly be real what I’m seeing, yet I cannot convince myself because it looks SO REAL.
The last time I had it, my pet rat jumped from her cage onto my bed and walked over to my closet which is next to my bed and climbed up on it, and I thought: I have to move very slowly to not scare her and get her back in the cage. I turned the light on, and she was still there! Even though I already knew that she couldn’t possibly have gotten out of her cage and climbed up my closet. It was the weirdest thing ever. It took about 30 secs for me to realise it wasn’t real... I had to check the cage to make sure she was in there haha!
when the camera zoomed in on sherlock’s face while he was in the hospital bed, i had flashbacks to the part in my fic when khan was sedated in starfleet medical and madelyn tried to intimidate him lmaoooooo
It’s been a long long time since I made a post like this. I’ve missed it.
This got super duper long so it’s going under a cut:
So yesterday Chorale had its annual Fish Fry fundraiser and nature walk at a local civil war battlefield. So I was there from 10-4 to help set up and cook and then clean and pack away.
It was a lot of fun, despite me getting a mild case of heat exhaustion (which I thankfully recognized the symptoms of very quickly and I was able to take care of myself before it got too bad).
And then later that night was the Symphony Orchestra doing the Requiem of Resistance in memory of those that were kept and died in the Terezin ghetto (the "clean and civil" nazi) in WWII. They did Verdi's Requiem and had narration that had stories from some of the prisoners of Terezin. It was incredibly moving, especially considering the current political climate.
I'd bought two tickets about 6 weeks ago because I was hoping I could give the extra to todd as a "thank you" for all the tickets he has provided me with. Unfortunately, his dad purchased tickets for the 3 of them shortly after I purchased mine so I was left with an extra ticket. And every time I found someone that wanted to go with me, they had to bail. So I ended up giving the extra ticket to a woman from Chorale.
At the fish fry, as we were cleaning up and loading up his car, todd mentioned that his dad had decided against going to the concert because he wanted to watch a women's basketball game on tv. So todd offered me the seat- which was in a much more accessible part of the auditorium for me than where my seats were- so I texted the woman who was taking my ticket and I offered her both of them. So she found a friend to go with her and I sat with Todd and his mom. And I also hitched a ride there with them since we figured parking was going to be insane.
The concert was pretty nice. Todd and I had both considered singing in the choir they put together (a lot of our friends sang!) but we decided against it when we saw the rehearsal schedule. They'd only meet like 4 times between the beginning of January and the first dress rehearsal which was just not enough. And he and I had been talking about how we really hoped the concert would go well for our friends and that it wouldn't be a disappointment. And it wasn't. It wasn't perfect by any means but it was great and the Chorus managed to hold its own for the most part.
I will admit that as soon as the house lights went out, I started dozing off. The concert was 2 hours long (no intermission) and I dozed through maybe 20 Minutes of soloists... but I always woke up for the Chorus. I was so proud of my people. I managed to find a couple after the concert and congratulate them on a job well done.
One of our friends, my lovely Donna was talking to us about performing. And then she just sighed and smiled at us and asked, “what’s next?”. And Todd tells Donna that we should get her one of the The West Wing Weekly “what’s next” shirts. And Donna needed us to explain what he was talking about-
So, Todd and I are both huge fans of The West Wing and the podcast that Josh Molina (Will Bailey) and Hirshi Hirway are doing, The West Wing Weekly. And so Todd explained that the way Josh and Hirshi sign off every episode was:
Todd- “Okay?”
Me- “Okay.”
Todd- “What’s next?”
And Donna just grinned at us because ofc we’re standing there smiling like dorks after our public display of nerdery.
(Side note 1- TWWW is awesome! If you’re into The West Wing, I highly recommend checking out the podcast.
Side note 2- They have a shirt with the design of the Signal used in the season 1 finale of the show (1.22 What Kind of Day it has Been). The Signal has kind of become Todd’s and my new way of nonverbal reassurance with each other. Because we’re fucking nerds.
Side note 3- I’ve never had a huge interest in getting a tattoo but I keep thinking about getting one that says “What’s Next?” I may need to be talked out of this.)
As we were leaving the concert hall, Todd checked the basketball game's score and the team his family had been rooting for (i want to say FSU but I'm not sure...) had one by a good margin. So Dottie tells Todd (after they both finish cheering in the street) to call Jon and see if he wants to meet us somewhere for a beer (at which point I'm wondering if she forgot that I was in the car too) but alas Todd's father did not feel like leaving the house.
So instead, Dottie suggests that they just go back home and have beer, pretzels (ordered from somewhere in PA because nothing is better than the pretzels from home I've been told), and cheese. So we get back to Todd's and I was gathering me stuff to go to my car and head home (it's like 10:45 at the latest at this point) but Dottie stopped me and Invited me in to join them.
So, naturally, I couldn't turn down the opportunity to hang out with them. And Dottie offered me first pick of the beers in their fridge (all craft beers from different breweries) when I confessed that I normally had todd make recommendations for me. So she opened the fridge and pointed at todd and told him to pick something out for me. So he crouched in front of the fridge for a moment before selecting a pilsner and then he grabbed the appropriate glass from a cabinet and poured it for me. (“No of course we don’t have too many beer glasses what are you talking about?”) And his mom set out some pretzels and cheese and nearly forced the bowl into my hand and told me to help myself.
And then we joined Jon in the living room and watched some coverage on the men's Final Four stuff. After basketball, an episode of Angie Tribeca came on so we watched about 15 minutes of that before Jon went to bed. As soon as he got upstairs, Todd lunged across the coffee table to grab the remote and change the channel while Dottie got up to tidy up a couple of things before also heading up to bed.
Todd flipped around until he came to something showing The Australian Grand Prix.
I've never watched an F1 race before but I knew a lot of the drivers (thank you Top Gear). It was fun. Todd kept doing silly accents to give commentary on the race and I was trying to stifle giggles so I didn't wake up his parents.
They still have their Christmas tree up. (Dottie told me they were hoping to have it down by easter.) I was sitting right in front of it so I was constantly looking at it and the different ornaments. Almost all of them are totally homemade by Todd or one of his parents. I love it so much.
Todd noticed that it was catching my attention so much so he kept coming over to point an ornament out and tell me about it. I'm pretty sure I called him a crafty bastard at some point but I'm not 100% sure at this point...
I also accidentally verbalized that I liked that his house felt homey. I've thought that since I first went inside his house last year but I've never said it out loud because I'm pretty sure it's a bit weird... and todd gave me a look so I had to try to explain. Some peoples' houses feel like they have no personality- like they just exist to give someone a place to stay and you can't tell that's it's actually a home? But Todd's house has personality. It feels like a home. It's welcoming and warm and makes me feel cozy. I can look at the art around the house and pick out who might have gotten it. So I got through babbling about that and he just gave me this small smile and pointed out some of the art he'd picked out (the architecture prints were kind of a giveaway).
We were still watching the Grand Prix and talking about the history of different aspects of racing. It was really nice???? I never thought I would enjoy watching a race that much but I think watching with Todd just made it really great??
We both knew it was getting late (and I had been zoning out and dozing off for the last hour or so whoops) and I kept saying I was going to get up and head home at every commercial break but then the race would come back and we'd get sucked in again.
Finally, about 1:40, I caught a reflection in the window of Todd's head slowly falling forward. I was trying not to snicker when it finally just FLOPPED all the way down to his chest. He started back awake and I turned to look at him and he was making one of those "did anyone see that?" faces. It was so ridiculously adorable that I couldn't help me smile a little. He saw me looking at him and kind of blushed and ducked his head as he gave me a sheepish grin.
"It's been a little bit of a long day, hasn't it?" I asked, holding up my fingers pinched together.
He copied the gesture and mouthed "a little bit" before he yawned.
So I decided that I really needed to leave before we both fell asleep in his living room. So I finally got myself up and I was grabbing my bowl off the side table when Todd got up to grab my glass. And we went into the kitchen and I was looking at more art that I hadn’t noticed before. So Todd came over and told me about the one I was really focusing on- a wooden block that looks like one of those puzzle cube games. And he told me that it was an architecture school project where they were given X number of wooden blocks in different shapes and sizes and they had to make something from it. And then he pointed out that the art print on the wall behind it was a tessellation of the block. It was just so cool.
And he decided to walk me out so we both stumbled out the front door and down the steps, giggling a little at our exhausted lack of coordination. But we made our way through the garage and out towards the street where I’d parked. And as I turned to leave I was saying that I’d see him on Monday at Community Chorus.
“Yes, Monday. And I’ll be there early because I have rehearsal for Ireland.” *Grimace*
“Have they figured out what they’re going to do with those of us who AREN’T going to Ireland? They can’t possibly have us milling about during a rehearsal- it’s too big of a disruption.”
“I think that’s exactly the plan.” *Yikes faces from both* then a whispered: “it wasn’t well thought out.”
“It certainly doesn’t seem to have been.”
“And how am I supposed to sell tickets before rehearsal if I’m in a rehearsal before rehearsal?”
“Let me know if you’d like some help. I enjoyed helping with the tickets at UNITY.”
“Well, I may have to make use of your services. But this time can we do it without the sprained knee?”
I responded very maturely by blowing a raspberry.
Somehow we got from there to songs that we’d like to do for the summer concert (Theme: A Night at the Movies- songs from the silver screen). We’ve been teasing Todd for the last couple of years that his “small group” is getting closer to being half the Chorale. My first year singing with them, we called it “Todd’s Ten”. Last year we added someone to it so we called it “Todd’s Eleven”. So I asked him if he had any thoughts on what “Todd’s 12, 13, 14…” would be doing.
He has some really great ideas- my favorites right now are “God Only Knows” by The Beach Boys and a mashup of “Beyond the Sea” and the song it’s based on, “La Mer”. I adore Beyond the Sea and I’m always excited to do things in French.
And Todd mentioned that he thought it would be nice to make up a group of the younger chorale members (since a majority of our singers are nearing the age for Social Security and retirement). He started listing off some of the singers: “You, Alana, Kelli, Adam, Katie, Me…” I was mildly amused that he was counting himself amongst the younger members since he's always making jokes about getting old and being middle-aged (he turned 37 a few weeks ago). But I remembered that at our cooking class fundraiser last summer, Todd, Katie, and I were sat together. And Chris had made a comment that, as the 3 youngest people there, we were then dubbed “the kids table”. And it’s become a bit of a joke for Todd and I since then. So I suggested that this hypothetical group could call itself The Kid’s Table and Todd laughed. Perhaps a little too hard, as it kind of echoed around the otherwise silent cul-de-sac.
I’m pretty sure we would have chatted a little bit longer had my mother not woken up, realized I wasn’t home, and texted me to ask if I needed a sleeping bag. Which is when I realized it was nearly 2:15am.
I apologized profusely for keeping him up so late but Todd just laughed and assured me that it was totally fine. (Like, my dude, if a friend constantly kept me up way into ridiculous hours I would probably not be that chill about it. And especially not if someone was totally not supposed to hang out at my house until 2-fucking-am. Like there are only maybe 3 or 4 people that I would be cool with doing this.)
But, with this new maternal motivation, I finally made my way all the way to my truck. As I got in I could see Todd in his garage watching to make sure my truck started okay before he shut the door and went back inside.
Honestly, I think that if I hadn’t left when I did, we both would have probably ended up asleep in his living room. And i wonder if we would still have been there in the morning.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Every few months or so I’ll think that I’m starting to get over any crush feelings that I still have for him. And then we’ll have time together like this and I’ll just. Kind of fall for him all over again.
It seems like on a weekly basis I’m thanking my lucky stars that I have someone like him in my life. I’m not sure what I’ve done with myself that made the Universe think I was deserving of a friend like him. But I am so, so thankful it did.
It seems so weird for them to kill her on the first ep. I am honestly just so confused.
I want her to have faked her death. I want her to come back and kill everyone. I want the show to end with Mary walking out of 221B with Rosie on her hip, while blowing a curl of smoke from the muzzle of her gun. Just let this piece of trash show be over with.
FRIENDS AND FAMILY I'M STILL ALIVE. I'm in the middle of tech week for our very last show going up day after tomorrow downtown at a REAL THEATRE!!! Dress Rehearsal tomorrow, let's hope all goes well. I will be sporadically back on Tumblr come next week, and fully back in May after I finally finally graduate. [Exit pursued by stage manager]
