#cursed!technoblade

[fl1nt-and-st33l]

Different Families

I am so tired please take this lazy addition to my monster au. I need to stop writing when i'm sleep deprived

Jschlatt is once again woken up by the cries of the child in the next room. He sighs and drags himself out of his bed to take care of the child he’s named Tubbo. He’s only had Tubbo for a week, besides his conflicted feelings and sleep deprived-ness he loves the kid. He doesn’t understand why but ever since he first held Tubbo he’s been...happier. He hasn’t been able to say that for a long time. He picks up Tubbo and tries to get him to calm down for the 3rd time tonight. Geez, how do people do it? Maybe it was harder for him since he was 17, or maybe his parents made it look easy. Well, probably not the latter one considering his parents completely abandoned him 3 years ago. Assholes. He snaps out of his thoughts when he notices Tubbo gripping his sweater. Tubbo yawns and falls asleep leaning against Schlatts chest. Schlatt once again sighs holding small Tubbo closer to him. Maybe things aren't that bad. He holds onto Tubbo for a second longer before putting him back in his crib and going to bed himself. Yeah, it's going to be ok.

“TOMMY GET THAT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH” Philza puts down Technos wooden sword and runs over to a baby Tommy who’s trying to eat a rock. Techno snatches back his sword and hits Wilbur who hasn’t stopped singing the same 3 lines over and over again. It’s 3am and all Philza wants to do is sleep.  After struggling to get the rock out of Tommy’s mouth he dragged 16-year-old Techno and Wilbur to their shared room. He tells them they can argue in the morning but now they have to sleep or they’ll be grounded for the next week. They trip over each other getting ready for bed. Phil goes back to the living room to find Tommy asleep in his playpen. He picks up Tommy and takes him to his crib. After laying Tommy down in his crib Phil is finally able to take a goddamn shower. He loves his kids more the anything but fuck sometimes they can be so exhausting.  He takes a warm shower and lets himself relax till Tommy starts screaming because he’s not in the same place he fell asleep in. After another 10 minutes of soothing Tommy, the little gremlin finally goes back to sleep. Phil sighs and holds Tommy for just a minute longer before putting him in his crib again. Philza finally lays in bed and is able to sleep for four hours till he hears Techno and Wilbur yelling at each other over Tommys screams. He sighs, putting on a robe and dragging himself downstairs to find all of his kids covered in pancake flour. The boys continue yelling about the recipe and who's going to wake up Phil for their surprise breakfast.

Word count: 480

Date posted: 12/23/2020

[fl1nt-and-st33l]

Sleepy Bois Inc. Monster AU?

Ok so maybe it’s not a monster au but idk what else to call it 😔 anyways here’s my basic idea that'll probably change a lot:

Sorry in advance for the messiness of this post this is my first draft of the AU.

Starting with Mr. Blade

He has pig ears and tusks that point upwards.

His whole family has animal features because his great great great great great great great uncle thought it would be funny to piss off a warlock.

So yeah

Because of this, the warlock cursed him, and anyone blood-related to him.

Weird champ 

Half of Technos family became farmers to isolate themselves from society so no one tries to burn them at the stake.

The other half of his family became adventurers to try to lift the curse.

Guess what Techno is!

...

Yeah, he's both no surprise.

He farmed potatoes for most of his early life till his cousins dared him to quit and become an adventure with their crazy grandfather

Techno of course shrugged and said sure.

Honestly, it was boring to him.

He enjoyed researching his family history and trying to find out how to lift the curse but being an adventure is a lot more boring than it sounds.

He didn't expect to spend his 13th birthday sitting around all day reading the same material over and over again to find some secret meaning.

Honestly, he didn't care about his features; he was only really trying to help his grandfather because his cousins dared him.

And because he wants to see more of the world outside of his family's potato farm.

 When Technos' grandfather is sleeping or is too deep in his research Techno sneaks out to explore the woods surrounding the cabin.

One day he found a book inside of his grandfather's office on sword fighting and immediately began to read any book he could get his hands on about war, combat, and strategy. 

So when he sneaked out he practiced fighting with wooden weapons he carved.

When his grandfather passed away, Techno packed 2 bags:

The first was with clothes, money, and a little bit of food.

The second had notes he had taken on the books he collected on combat and strategy. Along with notes he had taken when practicing.

He stole a horse he later affectionately called brick from a nearby farm and rode off with his wooden sword strapped to his belt and compass in hand.

Ok that’s it for now but I’ll be talking about Tommy and/or Wilbur later tonight hopefully. Sorry It's such a mess I really wanted to get my ideas out. Lmao one day I’ll actually make a post about this and It’ll be organized and actually make sense.

This AU was inspired by @chandelier-s-notebook Dangerous Pink story and @qyu-archive mcyt scp au. This will probably be the only time I tag them.

[fl1nt-and-st33l]

Monster Philza Time BBY!

I'm going to be honest, I don't watch Philza that much so this is all bs. I wouldn't mind some constructive criticism since this is going to be a weird champ. Anyways back at it again with the Sleepy Bois Inc. Monster AU

Ok, my mans has wings (no shit)

He's been pretty alone most of his life so he knows how to survive without much help from others

But if someone offers help or he has the chance to make someone help out he won't hesitate to put someone to work.

He's a very smart fellow but god sometimes it's hard to keep up with the rest of the gang.

He makes jokes complaining that he can fly faster than anything on earth but he'll never be able to keep up with Tommy and Wilbur's arguments.

When they argue it's like their speaking enchantment table with a swiftness potion.

Philza after leaving his “hometown” went to find somewhere else to live and after being chased out of every village he found a nice very large field and lake in the middle of the woods.

He started building a cabin that would later become where all the sleepy bois stay and call home.

He does have a secret birdhouse that no one knows where it is.

Honestly, they don't even know if it exists.

He's in charge of most of the indore chores mostly because the other bois spend most of their time outside

And he doesn't trust them to not break everything they touch.

He wears a big, fluffy trench coat when he goes out to nearby towns so no one can see his wings

His wings are very big and fluffy and he takes care of them very well.

He takes care of his wings a lot and the other bois like to tease him for it but sometimes they like to help him wash his wings or brush them out.

He takes care of his wings a lot because he doesn't want feathers everywhere.

Philza has been able to make money by selling the flowers, fruits, and vegetables Techno and Tommy grow in the garden (thats been slowly turning into an actual farm thanks to Tommy and his friend)

Winter has been the main money making season since Tommy is able to grow some plants that usually can't grow during the winter when he visits.

And they can sell Plants not native to the area again thanks to Tommy

He understands the sleepy bois better than they understand themself sometimes.

He loves and cares for everyone a lot but god they can be exhausting.

He wouldn't change it for the world though.

Sorry, this one is so short it was kind of hard writing him and not spoiling how they all met. Again I don't watch him and I want to save his backstory for a different post. Idk y'all should share some headcanons or ask questions. Idk I really like this AU but I suck at writing and want to see what other people think. I'm probably going to make another bullet post about everyone's dynamic or some bs. Idk what do yall think so far.

[fl1nt-and-st33l]

First Meeting Pt. 1

Lmao I was inpatient so I wanted to post it sooner then attended.

Description: After a long day of productivity Philza decides to call it a day and go home. However, two thieves have different plans for Mr. Minecraft.

Philza has been in the nether for a few hours trading and gathering materials. Despite it being the nether it’s actually a pretty nice day. None of the mobs paid much mind to him, used to seeing him there so often. It was hot but he was far enough from lava that it wasn’t excruciatingly hot. As he finishes trading with the last Pigman he decides to head home. 

Once he gets to the portal to the overworld he carefully walks through being caused by potential humans who could spot him. The last thing he wants is for some human to hunt him down before he can even have a hot meal. After surveying the area he breaks the portal and makes sure to put down many illusion spells so no one can accidentally stumble across it. He doesn’t want to have to deal with humans ruining the whole nether. 

After another quick survey of the area, he decides it’s safe to start going home. He hides his wings under his large trench coat and holds out his sword as he walks along the river. He keeps a sharp eye out for any hunters and any hostile mobs. Though even if he does find a hostile mob they probably won’t attack him. After all, he is part phantom. 

He takes an apple out of his bag to eats so he can keep his stamina up, but before he can take a bight he hears rustling in the bushes next to him. Philza continues walking at the same pace to avoid any suspicion and to make it seem that he doesn’t notice them. He looks and acts human, that should be enough, keep up the act and everything should be ok. He takes a bite of his apple seeing that whatever was in the bushes is following him hiding behind trees and bushes. Whoever this guy is there a real amateur, anyone could see them coming from a mile away. He stops walking and kneels next to the river putting his bag down to make it seem like he’s filling his flask. He wants to make sure that whoever this guy is is actually following him instead of doing something else.

He takes out his flask and before he can even put it in the water he hears someone come charging after him from behind. Philza turns around preparing to fight before feeling someone grab onto his ankles from behind. He wasn’t even able to get a good look at the original stalker before he feels himself being dragged into the lake. Ok, so these guys aren’t amateurs, they know exactly what they are doing, they wanted Phil to notice them. This isn’t the worst situation Phil has ever been in though. The person in the water was able to drag Phil far enough so that he was completely underwater. Whoever this is is definitely fast but they lack strength. Phil uses his wings to shoot himself out of the water to hover over it. Whoever had his ankles still clinging onto him but instead this time they cling so they don’t fall. Phil swings his legs so that Mr. ankle grabber loses his grip and gets thrown into his friend on the ground, who was attempting to run away with Philzas bag. Phil lands on the ground and picks up his sword pointing it at the two boys. The boys scramble to pick themselves up, the younger of the two looks up at the man realizing that he and his brother had bitten off more then they could chew. The oldest eyed the netherite sword the man had pointed at them. That’s not good, but damn he wouldn’t go down without a fight, especially with his brothers’ life on the line. The odds are not in their favor but he has nothing to worry about. After all.

Technoblade never dies.

Word Count: 650

Posted: 12/29/2020

[fl1nt-and-st33l]

First Meeting pt.1 Rewrite

Ok lmao I finally re-wrote that shit fic I did and made it less shit uwu. Anyways have fun with this 

Description: After a long day of productivity Philza decides to call it a day and go home. However, two thieves have different plans for Mr. Minecraft.

Philza had been trading and gathering materials for the majority of the day, and to say the least, he was t i r e d. Luckily the mobs down in the nether didn’t bother him too much, since they were used to seeing Phil hanging around. Though that didn’t stop a few blaze and ghast from attacking him. That didn’t bother Phil nearly as much as the heat did. Ok maybe wearing a trench coat to the nether wasn’t the best idea, but when it comes to fashion no sacrifice is too great. 

As he triads with a very polite Pigman, he glances at the clock he has attached to his bag realizing that he’s been down in the nether WAY longer than he thought and that he needs to head home soon to make sure nothing has happened to his small farm. He thanks the Pigman and gives him an extra golden nugget before he quickly shoves his things into his bag, heading back to the portal.

Once he re-enters the overworld he breaks the portal, not wanting any humans to accidentally stumble upon it. Humans have already taken over most of the overworld, so keeping the nether human free would be really nice. If humans weren’t so destructive then a lot of mobs would welcome them with open arms however, thanks to the way they treated the overworld mobs (both peaceful and hostile) the pigmen would prefer they stay in their own realm. 

Philza stretches his wings before tucking them under his coat knowing the walk home is a long one. He makes sure that he looks as human as possible before grabbing his bag and walking alongside the river to his cozy farmhouse. He hums to himself while keeping a sharp eye out for humans and hunters. It is getting dark but Phil doesn’t have to worry too much about hostile mobs attacking him. Sometimes being half phantom had its perks.

Being only a few miles away from a human village Phil keeps his guard up higher than usual. He takes an apple out of his bag to eats so he can keep his stamina up, but before he can take a bight he hears rustling in the bushes next to him. Suspicious Philza continues walking at the same pace to see if he is being followed or if it’s just an animal. This could also potentially be a human from the village so either way he had to be careful. He takes a bite of his apple seeing that whatever was in the bushes is following him hiding behind trees, confirming his suspicion. From the faint outline, Phil could tell it was a human and a short one at that. If it was a hunter then they were a real amateur, anyone could’ve seen them a mile away. After being in the nether all day and walking all this way Phil REALLY didn’t want to fight. Though the cruel gods have a different plan for Mr. Minecraft. 

The figure that was stalking him suddenly charged at Phil. Phil reached for his sword ready to attack the intruder before he felt something grab his ankles from behind. They pull hard on his ankles sweeping his feet from under him causing him to fall on his stomach before they started dragging him into the river he was walking along. Ok, so these guys aren’t amateurs, they know exactly what they’re doing. They WANTED Phil to notice the first guy so the second guy could get him vulnerable like this. This isn’t the worst situation Phil has ever been in though. The person in the water was able to drag Phil far enough so that he was completely underwater. Whoever this is is definitely fast but they lack strength. Phil revealed his wings from his coat using them to get out of the water and hover a few feet above land. He also apparently lifted up whoever was dragging him causing them to scream and hold on tighter. He sees the original attacker (who now had Phil’s bag and sword in his arms) stop in their tracks after hearing the scream. Ah, so this was just a plan to steal Phils’ stuff, ok he’ll go easy on them.  Phil swings his legs so that Mr. ankle grabber loses his grip and gets thrown into his friend on the ground. Phil lands on the ground and picks up his sword pointing it at the two boys. 

The boys scramble to pick themselves up, the younger of the two looks up at the man realizing that he and his brother had been wrong and it wasn’t just some old man. The oldest eyed the netherite sword the man had pointed at them. Great, this guy was rather brave and smart enough to somehow get into the Nether, or he’s powerful enough to know people who had access to netherite. Either way, they were in trouble, but damn he wouldn’t go down without a fight, especially with his brothers’ life on the line. The odds are not in their favor but he has nothing to worry about. After all.

 Technoblade never dies.

Word Count: 886

Date Posted 1/9/2020

[sperenox]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

I updated my Cursed!Technoblade fanfic. It's lowkey very angsty. You should read it.