CAN YOU HOLD A CONVERSATION?

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CAN YOU HOLD A CONVERSATION?
Dear World,
Please don’t call phone operators, call centers, or customer service lines if you don’t know what the hell you’re looking or asking for and please for the love of God don’t give us agents a hard time because we can’t read your mind.
Love, every phone agent ever
Rant: My Continued Loathing of Barnes & Noble
Rant: My Continued Loathing of Barnes & Noble
Today I want to discuss something that has been an ongoing problem in this avid reader’s life: Barnes & Noble and their control over the book market. With indie booksellers going out of business left and right, and the online competitors bullying publishing companies over dollar amounts, a book lover ought to be able to rely on the BIG name book seller. So here is my question: Why is it that…
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The story of a deli, and the need for coordination
A few weeks ago I was out at the local festival -- it was a warm, sunny day, and the entire town was out. Many second hand stalls were hawking their wares, and every so often along the corridor of pots and books and unwanted bric a brac, a catering van was feeding and quenching the crowds as the music in the centre stage clashed and blended with the make-shift alternative entertainment grounds' percussions in festive brouhaha. A great event altogether.
I decided to take a break with my friend however at a nearby delicatessen that we both enjoy, mostly. I say mostly, as this venue sometimes irks me -- not for lack of good produce (which is excellent) or for lack of pleasant service (they are delightful), but for lack of efficiency.
Situation
The last time we were there, it was nearing the end of the day, the shop was busy and customers were queuing out the door - ordering to take away, ordering to sit in, and buying various items of produce. I was sitting with my friend at one of the tables looking at the menu, and waiting for someone to come clear the table of the items the previous patrons had left.
During this time, I overheard a couple of complaints about mixed up orders, and another couple about still waiting for food or the bill. In the mean time, we had been up to order, and come back, and were still waiting for our table to be cleared and wiped. In the end we cleared our table ourselves to the sideboard, and when our food arrived (after a significant, but not yet unacceptable wait), the table had still not been wiped. We asked for a towel to do it ourselves when we realised it sill wasn't going to happen.
Clearly the onslaught of customers had caught the shop team off guard. There is always a risk of increased influx, that is a reality for any trade that is doing good business. This being a fact then, the handling needs to be thought out properly: a process needs to be in place at all times so that in times of stress, the business can operate at its fullest capacity.
For every two steps forward, you have to take one step back...
...and into the coffee shop! Here I am: Right back to where I started. I'm beginning to think this might be where I belong. Six years, three trips half-way around the world, and one degree later, I am once again behind the counter. Nothing has changed: the line-up out the door, my black clothes reek of espresso, and I'm surrounded by something brewing at every corner. Time just flew...who knew? Well, not me, apparently. 5 months away in Ghana looked, at first, like an eternity. And while our service industry is built on speed and satisfaction, over there you're lucky to get service at all.
Typical Ghanaian "cafe":
Roadside stand with one long bench, or a few broken chairs piled on top of each other
Choice of Nescafe, Lipton (English breakfast tea) or Milo (malt hot chocolate...soo good!)
Large Ghanaian woman stoically churching out egg n' breads, and slaving away over a strained hot plate in front of a queue of energetic locals
Unless specified, your beverage will come with a least half a can of condensed milk, and a minimum of 7 heaping table spoons of sugar. (If you say you want "small-small" she'll reduce the amount by shaking a teeny-tad of the heap off, and then continue loading 'er up).
Taking your beverage to-go means she'll pour it into a little plastic bag and tie it up tightly for you, like she's packing up a goldfish. Bite the corner, and suck out the delicious, milky goodness as you walk (careful not to fall into the gutter).
Expect to pay to more than 1 Cedi (about 50 cents).
There's no menu. Ask, duh!
Your order will taste different every day. Mmm, variety!
Complaining won't get you nothin'!
If she doesn't have it today, too bad for you! Sorry-ooooh!
Your beverage can take anywhere from 5-55minutes so bring "War and Peace" just in case...
Yup, customer service in Ghana is easy on the server. Motto: you'll get it when it's ready, or when I feel like it, depending on what we have; you are welcome! Makes sense to me! I had no problem adjusting to that mentality, especially after years being yelled at, watching eyes roll, hearing matching mommies and babies whine, feeling rushed, sprits crushed...all for the sake of what? An expensive beverage, just for you. Hmmm...why? Obruni why?! (Obruni: white person/foreigner)
My first restaurant experience in Ghana wasn't pleasant. They took forever to give me a menu. My chair was falling apart. It was hot and there were flies. When they finally came back to take my order and I pointed at what I wanted the two ladies said, "Oh, it is finished!". "What about that" I pointed to a picture of chicken and rice. "Finished". "That?" I knew the answer: everything was finished. "Well, what do you have!?". "Only fufu and light soup". "Then what was the point of the menu?!". To entice me to come back? I waited, disgruntled, for a long time. Until the servers came and sat with me. They started asking me questions about Canada, and telling jokes. It was fun. I told them about my job back home, and how my customers would be very angry if they had had my experience at this restaurant. They were shocked, and laughed. "But why? If food comes fast, there is no time to talk! And if you always have every food, then the food will become spoiled and be wasted!". It's true, I thought, we do throw out a lot of food at the end of each day. "But people have to get to work on time!" I retorted. "Oh Obruni, why? There is plenty of time to work. You people are always worried about working which is why you are sad". I smiled.
Then I imagined if I applied my newly acquired Ghanaian service tips to my corporate coffee chain back home:
Instead of a pastry case full of items, there will be only one featured item
Your latte will come but only after we have had a conversation.
If you get mad, our staff will make jokes with you and provide African proverbs to make you feel guilty about being upset about stupid, mundane problems.
Work begins when it is time to work.
The menu board is for decorative purposes only.
Your beverage will taste how it tastes, which is the way it's supposed to taste. It's no problem.
You are welcome.
That sounds about right. So while I physically said goodbye to Ghana, in my heart I am remembering the tips I learned. I totally laugh when the line-up gets long and when everything goes wrong. I treat every person like my friend, even if you stare and glare. Haha what's wrong with you? Don't worry, you'll get your latte, after all it's only coffee...
Yes I am back to where I started, but I won't linger heavy hearted. Yes, it's only coffee but right now that's the job for me. Yippeeeeeee!
.
@TMobile has poop care for their customers.
https://twitter.com/#!/MannyLowXO
Know Your Role
I work at Starbucks, and this is a conversation I had with a customer earlier today.
Customer: Can I get a Grand Caramel Frappuccino?
Me: Sure, that'll be $4.65.
Customer: I'll be right back to pick that up.
*I make drink and call it out.*
Customer: *takes a drink* This is cold.
Me: You wanted a Frappuccino right?
Customer: That's right.
Me: A Frappuccino is a blended drink. With ice....
Customer: Right. But it's cold! You seem to not understand what I'm saying.
Me: No I understand what you're saying. I don't understand why you don't know that ice is cold.
Customer walks away, disgusted.