Pairing: Jungkook | Reader
Genre: boxer jungkook | angst | tiny bits of fluff and humor
Word Count: 15k
Warnings: implicit sex, explicit descriptions of violence, blood, character death (ups), really realistic and gore descriptions, dark themes as drugs, gangs, police getting involved... This is one of the darkest things I’ve ever written, please be careful and if you don’t feel good reading those things... Skip them, please.
A/N: Today is my birthday and as my gift to you... Here you have it, the final chapter, I’m not ready, Animal is my baby, I don’t wanna say goodbye but... The time has come. I hope you enjoy it. Thank you for joining me in this long journey. Lots of love!
previous chapter ← 09 | final chapter
It felt weird, the fact that after two months, everything felt normal again.
Having Jungkook with you every night, falling asleep in his arms and waking up buried beneath his body – the boy moved so much in his sleep you could swear one day he was going to suffocate you – it all felt so normal.
You hadn’t talked about the final wrestling match again and you just hoped he would make the right decision.
The final day of your practices at the hospital, was a sad day, having to say goodbye to all your patients and all the people that had become your family, the ones that had taken care of you and the ones that had taught you so much, but it had to arrive, and you had to say goodbye.
You brought one of your carrot cakes and you all ate it while you laugh remembering the different anecdotes you had lived. You couldn’t wrap your mind around the idea that, in just a few months, you would be working as a nurse instead of studying as one.
You tried to make the most out of everything. The last time you entered the equipment room, the last time you walked down the corridor of your floor, greeting patients and their family. The last time you got on the elevator, changed clothes inside the changing rooms, somehow remembering Jungkook as you stared at a certain wooden bench. In there, he had sat while you sewed up his brow after his car accident. It was when he had asked you to go out with him, just as friends of course.
You smiled, thinking how much things had changed since then.
In love…
Two small words, but fuck, how much meaning they held.
You walked out of the hospital that Friday night, smiling as you walked away from your student life. You were going to graduate on Sunday, fuck.
Your mother, grandparents and your aunt had traveled to the city to attend your graduation and they were staying at a hotel not far from your campus. You had been there with them for lunch that day.
As you opened the door of your dorm, still smiling like a silly girl, you started smelling something familiar.
You frowned, closing the door behind you. The room was dark, but it smelled like… Cheese?
You switched on the light to find Jungkook lying on your bed, a family sized pizza by his side as he smiled brightly at you.
“Congratulations, nurse Y/N,” he smirked.
You smiled widely and approached him, leaving your things on the floor.
“I haven’t graduated yet, so technically I’m not a nurse yet,” you said. “Would you put your life in the hands of this semi-nurse?”
“I’ve already done it, and it has turned out pretty good,” he pointed at himself.
You laughed and sat on the bed.
“Is it from Pizza Planet?”
“Of course, do you think I would buy you pizza from a place that wasn’t Pizza Planet?”
You chuckled again and punched him in the arm.
“You better not if you want to win your way to my heart.”
“Oh, c’mon,” he said in a dramatic way, throwing himself on your lap. “I’ve already won that long time ago.”
You punched him in the arm.
“Don’t push it, Jungkook,” you grunted. “I can kick you out of my room and spend my night alone with this pizza… Doing nasty things.”
“Oh…” he hummed, lifting himself up from your lap. “Would you do nasty things without me?”
“Mhm,” you nodded.
“What a nasty girl,” he purred.
And then, kissed you like he had been kissing you all week. With passion, with playfulness… With love.
You spent the night alone in your small room, sitting on the bed with the pizza in between you, soft music playing on the background and only your fairy lights lighting up the room. You talked and laughed, you showing him some video you had seen on Twitter that had caused you to almost peed yourself. Of course, Jungkook had to be extra and had to copy the video, dancing to Take on Me with a pair of ugly glasses you had hidden somewhere in your room while you recorded him and cracked up like a mad woman.
“I’m literally crying,” you said in between gasps, your stomach hurting from all the laughing. You wiped a tear away from the corner of your eye dramatically as Jungkook laughed – in that beautiful high-pitched laugh he made when he found something really funny – and approached you.
“Lemme see,” he said, grabbing your phone as he plopped down on the bed by your side.
The both of you laughed until the girl whose room was right next to yours knocked on the wall, letting you know that you were disturbing her.
You clasped a hand over your mouth to muffle your laughs. Jungkook hid his face on your pillow, but from how his body was shaking, you could see he was still laughing.
“Stop laughing,” you protested, your laughs dying down as you sat on his lower back. “If she knocks once again, then I won’t be able to protest ever again when she makes a noise.”
“Why do you care?” he said, lifting his head from the pillow and craning his neck so he can stare at you. “You’ll graduate on Sunday.”
“Yeah, but I’ll live here until I find a good apartment and a job as a nurse!”
“Whatever, it will be summer and no one cares about noise in summer.”
You rolled your eyes. “You say this because you don’t live here.”
He arched his brow and, in one swift movement, pulled you away from him and laid on his back, placing you back on top of him.
“You could just move in with me.”
You arched a brow back.
“What do you mean?”
“What does ‘moving in’ means?” he teased you, pinching your sides.
Your heart skipped a bit. Just the thought of waking up in that fluffy bed, under the sunlight that seeped from those big windows and seeing the mass of wavy, bed-hair that was Jungkook made your tummy jump.
“Isn’t it a bit soon for that?”
“Maybe,” he shrugged. “If I get tired of you and your obsession with order and tidying, I will kick you out.”
“Hey!” you pouted.
“But I’ll wait to kick you out until you have enough money saved to rent your own apartment, I’m not that cruel. What do you think about it?”
“Hmm… Let me think,” you placed your index finger and thumb on your chin, as if you were deep in thought. “I could enjoy a house that has more than one room… Your big TV is a pro too, and the shower, the bed…”
“And me?”
“You’re a con, definitely.”
He gasped and grabbed your sides, pushing you onto the bed and rolling on top of you. He started tickling you as you fought against him.
“Ah!” was the only thing you could say in between the laughs that erupted from your throat. He had always used your tickly skin against you, and you suddenly had a déjà vu, to a night you had been in your old apartment, debating whether you should play Mario Kart or Overwatch. Of course, he won, and you ended up playing Overwatch – which you hated because he always won you.
“You’re the biggest pro of them all,” you whispered in his ear.
The tickles soon turned into kisses and the screams into moans.
You could hear the girl in the room next to yours knocking on the wall, but neither of you cared, muffling your laughs with each other’s lips.
. . .
“Oh my God!” your mother gasped as she saw you emerging from your dorm building. “What a stunning daughter I have!”
She brought her hands to her mouth as she walked towards you to hug you.
“You only call me stunning when I wear make-up,” you chuckled, hugging her back.
She broke the hug, her hands on your shoulders as she eyed you up and down.
“Don’t lie,” she pouted. “Your father and I did a great job!”
You laughed and walked away from her and towards the car, greeting your grandparents and your aunt, who was sitting on the driver’s seat.
On the way to your campus, you were trembling, so nervous you couldn’t stop bouncing your leg up and down. Your lilac suit was making you sweat, so you took the blazer off, leaving you in your black crop top and the lilac pants.
You were nervous because that day was the last day of your life as a student, it was the door to your adult life. You were so used to going to class, or to practices, studying, preparing for the final exams… That you were afraid you wouldn’t know what to do without all that. You were nervous because you didn’t know how to walk with high-heels, and you were wearing a pair of black sandals taller than a pencil, you were sure you were going to trip on the stairs as you got on the stage once you heard your name in the big theatre hall of your campus. You were nervous because of a lot of things, but there was one that stood above the rest.
Jungkook.
That same night would be the final match of the wrestling season, and ever since you had sort of reconciled on Monday, you hadn’t spoken about it again. You didn’t know if he would fight or if he would stay at home. You had given him an invitation to the party that your classmates were throwing after the graduating ceremony, but he had just kept it in the back pocket of his jeans without saying a thing.
You closed your eyes and hoped that, whatever the decision Jungkook made was the right one.
Evey looked beautiful in her baby yellow dress, her long hair curled and falling down her shoulders softly. You nearly cried as you hugged her, you had gone through so much together… It was hard to believe that you were the same girls that had met four years before as you were trying to buy some snacks from the broken vending machine in your campus. It took you three lost coins to realize it was broken.
You clapped like crazy when her name echoed around the theatre hall and she did the same when it sounded yours. In the end, you didn’t trip with the stairs and you grabbed your diploma looking classy in your lilac suit.
You weren’t going to lie, you enjoyed the cocktail after the ceremony, and tried to make the most out of it with your family and your friends, but you were a bit out of it.
It was nine pm, in only one hour, the fight would start. It meant that, if Jungkook had made the decision of fighting, he was already there.
“Hello,” you heard a soft voice say.
Your aunt stopped talking and you turned around, a small sandwich in your hand, to see Evey awkwardly smiling at your family.
“Hey, Evey!” your mother smiled at her, hugging her. “Congratulations sweetheart, I’m so proud of the both of you.”
“Thank you,” she hugged your mother back, all smiles.
“Are your parents here?” your mother asked when they broke the hug. “I haven’t seen them.”
“Oh,” Evey said, turning around to point somewhere in the crowd. “Yeah, they’re there with my brother and my grandparents. They asked me about you too.”
“I’ll greet them later.”
“They’ll love it,” she smiled kindly. “It’s been great seeing you today.”
She said goodbye to your family and grabbed your hand, leading you away from them so you could talk in private.
“What happens?” you asked, frowning.
“I’m going now… To the match, are you coming?”
She knew nothing about you telling Jungkook not to fight that match, she still knew nothing about all the shit Taehyung and Jungkook were into. But she did know that you and Jungkook had “sorted everything out”.
“You’re skipping the party?”
“Yeah, you’re not?” now it was her who frowned. “It’s a pretty special night for Jungkook.”
“I promised myself I would never go to another wrestling match and I’ll keep it,” you said, nodding with your head. “Jungkook knows I’m not going.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to come? We can still go to the party when the match ends.”
You shook your head. “I’m sure,” you smiled. “Just… If you see him, tell me I wish him the best of lucks.”
“Alright,” she shrugged. “I’m sure you’ll se him tonight anyways,” she wiggled her brows. “If he loses you can always comfort him, and if he wins, you can always celebrate with him… You know.”
“You can be sure of that,” you playfully said.
“Oh whoa! Y/N admitting she’s going to have sex with Jungkook… We’re witnessing the rise of a new era, everyone.”
“Things change, people evolve…” you laughed.
She laughed with you and hugged you. You held her tightly to you.
“We’ve done it, Evey,” you whispered.
“Yeah, against all odds, we’re fucking nurses.”
When you broke the hug, the both of you had tears in your eyes.
“We’re fucking weepy nurses,” you added.
“I don’t know what the future will bring to some crybabies like us,” she laughed.
“I don’t know either, Evey, but I know we will be happy as heck.”
“Yeah!”
“Just… Don’t marry Taehyung too son, will you? I mean, wait for a couple of years or something…”
She punched you in the arm.
“I love you,” she said, hugging you once again.
You smiled, hands caressing her back.
“I love you.”
You don’t know how much time you were there, hugging each other, you just know that every single memory you had with her flashed before you in that moment.
You patted her ass, breaking the hug.
“Go before you ruin my eyeliner, I spent an hour doing it,” you said.
“It’s already ruined,” she said, sticking out her tongue to you.
You brought your fingers to your eyes.
“Just joking!” she laughed, making you glare at her.
“I’ll kill you if you don’t disappear right now!”
“Alright! Alright!” he laughed, starting to walk away from you, towards the exit of your campus. “Let’s meet tomorrow for coffee!”
“I hate coffee!”
“I know!”
She waved at you and you remember her smiling face, and how pretty she looked in her flowy baby yellow dress as you watched her disappear.
. . .
You couldn’t keep your eyes away from the main entrance of the bar you and your classmates had rented for the party.
You had texted him the address an hour ago, but he hadn’t even seen it. You just hoped he hadn’t seen it because he was busy watching some TV, not because he was on top of a ring punching another boy.
“Here you have!” Mara cheerfully said, already drunk as heck. “Cheer up, girl! I know adult life sucks, but don’t let it get the best of you!”
You smiled softly, grabbing the drink she was offering you and thanking her.
You knew it was a special night, your graduation party, but you couldn’t think of anything that wasn’t Jungkook in that moment. Had Evey told him you wished him good luck? Was Evey seeing how he punched Jiwon over and over? Or was it the other way around? Jiwon punching Jungkook again and again?
Images of blood running down Jungkook’s nose filled your mind, his broken lip and bruised cheeks. You just couldn’t stand it.
Taking a long sip from the drink Mara had given you – and that you didn’t even know what the fuck it was made of – you finished the whole beverage, grimacing at the bitter liquid running down your throat.
You were sitting on a chair placed by the wall, not too far from the dace floor, where your friends where laughing and dancing, all drunk and happy. You envied them, you wished you could feel as lightheaded as they did in that moment, no other concern than having fun.
The lilac blazer rested on the back of your chair, and a bitter expression adorned your face. You knew you must be looking like the life of the party in that moment.
Leg bouncing up and down to the rhythm of the sound that was playing, your eyes travelled to the main entrance once again.
Nothing.
You could just go to the dorm and wait there, because you were going crazy.
After standing from your chair, you waved at your friends.
Mara frowned and approached you.
“Are you going already?!” she said, raising her voice so you could hear her above the loud music.
“Yeah, I’m a bit tired and these fucking heels are killing me.”
“Oh, what a shame,” Alfredo pouted, another one of your friends. “There was a really cute boy asking for you just a couple of minutes ago.”
You frowned. “Who?”
“Dunno, his face looked familiar but I don’t know where I’ve seen him before.”
“Where was he?” you asked, voice high-pitched.
You didn’t want to get your hopes up, but…
“Near the bathrooms, two minutes ago.”
“Alright, thanks!” you said, leaving your empty glass with them and making your way around the crowd so you could get to the bathrooms.
There was a small staircase leading down to them, and, as you stood before it about to start climbing it down, your eyes met a pair of black ones.
A pair of eyes you knew too well.
“You came,” you breathed, frozen in place.
“Yeah, but I was starting to think you hadn’t.”
You eyed him up and down. Jungkook was looking beautiful dressed in a black suit, white t-shirt with its first buttons undone. Classic yet breathtaking. His wavy, long hair fell on top of his forehead beautifully, parted a bit on the middle to allow him to see what was in front of him.
“How couldn’t I?” you laughed. “This is my graduation party.”
It wasn’t until you felt something warm rolling down your cheek that you noticed you were starting to cry. You brought one hand up to wipe the tears away.
“Hey,” he whispered, climbing up the final stairs and approaching you until his arms were around you.
He let your hand fall to your side and started wiping your tears away himself.
“Why are you crying?”
His voice was so soft and melodious that you couldn’t help but cry even more. It was the first time you were letting yourself fully cry in front of him, and you were just as confused as he was.
“I-I…” you stuttered. “I don’t know, I just can’t believe you’re here, I was so worried…”
He smiled softly.
“Well, I’m here,” he said, his thumbs caressing the skin underneath your eyes. “And stop crying, or you’ll ruin your makeup.”
You didn’t give a single fuck about your makeup, to be honest.
“Fuck my makeup,” you scoffed, grabbing him by the shoulders and pushing him against you, caging him in between your arms.
For once, you could finally breathe.
Did all that mean that he hadn’t fought? He surely didn’t look like it… Did it mean that…?
You broke the hug and grabbed both of his cheeks with your hands.
“Are you alright? You don’t have any wounds or –“
“I didn’t fight, didn’t even show up,” he said, interrupting your.
His words only made more tears appear in your eyes.
“Agh,” he protested. “Stop crying or this will look like a funeral instead of a graduation party.”
“They’re happy tears.”
“I don’t like seeing you cry,” he softly whispered, fingers wiping away the tears once again. “Don’t care if they’re happy tears or not. It breaks my heart.”
“Who is the sappy one right now?”
You teased him, sniffling as he finished cleaning your face from any tears that remained.
“I’m so happy you’re here right now.”
“I’m so happy I’m here with you right now,” he smiled. “I would have died if I hadn’t seen you dressed in this suit, you look so sexy I don’t even want to be here right now.”
You bit your lower lip.
“Can this stop? We look like one of those cheesy, romantic couples.”
“Ew, no,” he grimaced, taking a step back.
You laughed. You thought your heart was going to explode at any moment from how happy you were. He had listened to you, he hadn’t gone to the fight, he hadn’t fought against Jiwon. He had chosen you, his mother, a normal life, over all the violence and pain and danger.
You were whipped.
“Let’s dance,” you suggested, grabbing his hand and dragging him to the dance floor.
“Thought you didn’t dance,” he said from behind you.
“Once a year can hurt nobody!”
He laughed as you stopped walking and turned around to face him. People surrounded you, but it was as if you were the only ones inside the bar.
“Tell me, Jungkook,” you said, smirk on your face. “Did you buy that suit just for my graduation party?”
He smirked back.
“Maybe.”
You narrowed your eyes at him. “Maybe? I can already picture you going shopping, thinking about what suit should you buy for a graduation party. Would it be too inappropriate to attend in your usual black jeans and oversized t-shirts?”
He grabbed your lower back with one hand and pressed you against his.
“What does it matter? You’re going to take it all off by the end of the night,” he whispered in your ear, causing a shiver to run down your spine.
You liked how that sounded. You were just about to tell him that, when the DJ spoke.
“Ladies and gentlemen! You better grab a partner because, what would a graduation party be without some slow dance!”
“Fuck,” the both of you mumbled at the same time.
You laughed loudly as you saw the fear in each other’s eyes. You hated dancing, even more, slow dancing.
Jungkook shrugged and offered you his hand.
“Once a year can hurt nobody, can’t it?”
You smiled and grabbed his hand confidently. The notes of a guitar started sounding and everyone around you stopped jumping and screaming and grabbed a partner.
“I hate this,” you growled, looking all around you.
“Me too,” Jungkook whispered in your ear. “But if we don’t do this I’m afraid we’ll catch their attention and they’ll kick us out of here.”
“Fuck, without even grabbing a couple drinks first?” you hasped, eyes wide as you leaned back to stare at him.
He nodded solemnly. “Without even grabbing a drink first.”
“We need to dance, then,” you said. “To convince them we’re one of them. That we’re romantic and cheesy.”
“We must dance.”
You smiled and placed your hands around his neck, arms resting on his shoulders as his hands found your lower back.
“I’ve never done this, so sorry if I step on you with my heels or something.”
“If you step on my feet with those killing heels I will have to go on a wheelchair for the rest of my life.”
You chuckled, muffling your sounds with the palm of your hand.
“Shh,” Jungkook shushed you. “If you laugh, they will see us! You have to act serious and in love.”
“What?” you scoffed.
“Serious and in love, remember,” he said, straightening his back.
You chuckled some more and then, closed your eyes and took a deep breath. Your fingers intertwined behind his neck, fingers grazing the strands of his dark hair.
When you opened your eyes again, you found those black, round eyes that somehow looked like the eyes of a cute anime character. Under the shitty lights of the bar, they were glimmering.
Suddenly you were really nervous and trembly, but you couldn’t avert your eyes away from his, as if he had some sort of magnetic pull towards you.
The only things you remember in that moment are the beautiful music and his dark eyes, as infinite as the night sky above you.
He pressed you a bit tighter against him, feeling each other breaths every time you exhaled.
From up close, you could really see him and admire him, and feel the luckiest person on Earth because, somehow, your path had crossed Jungkook’s in this infinite road that life is.
You weren’t nervous anymore, nor worried, you were just in love. Just like him. Two young people in love, dancing to a slow song in the middle of a crowded dance floor. Maybe there were other couples in love on the dance floor in that moment, but none of them shone like the two of you did, no one looked at each other like you did.
One of your foot accidentally stepped on one of his, and your eyes widened.
“Ups, sorry,” you said.
“Ouch,” he laughed, acting as if it hurt him more than it did. “Someone bring the wheelchair!”
Some people around you stared at him, scowl in their faces as he had interrupted their romantic moments.
You laughed and hid your face in the crook of his neck, resting your head on his shoulders.
As you closed your eyes, it finally felt like home. With his scent surrounding you, his body moving with yours as the music guided him, his hands holding you. You could spend the rest of your life like that.
Just the two of you, holding each other, loving each other.
It was funny, how at the beginning you had hated each other so much and had been sure you wouldn’t even touch him with a stick, and now there you were, wishing he would touch the entirety of your skin and that you would touch the entirety of his. Your paths had crossed, looking like it was another crash in the passing of time, but then, they had become parallel lines that walked together. Life really was capricious.
When the slow music turned into disco music, you grabbed some drinks and kept dancing like nothing had happened. Like you hadn’t been dancing like two birds in love just seconds before. You joked around and ended with your heels in Jungkook’s hands as you jumped to the music.
He had carried you home on his back, the bar not too far from your door building. Your arms around your neck as you talked non-stop – blame it on the alcohol and your sore feet.
You still talked and laughed as he threw you one your bed and made love to you. That slow song was still playing inside your mind as he peppered kisses all over your naked body. You hummed the song as your fingers traced his skin just like the musician’s fingers had caressed the strings of his guitar as he sang the song. Jungkook had never felt so loved and full before.
The sex was a bit messy – since the both of you were in a state between drunk and ecstatic – clashing of teeth, bangs against the wall, you nearly ripping Jungkook’s shirt open, him tripping as he got out of his boxers and nearly falling on top of your desk… But it was the pure definition of the both of you, messy yet loving, passionate and young. Infinite as much as it was brief.
. . .
A deaf noise jolted you awake.
You were a bit disoriented as you sat on your bed, brushing the fallen strands of your hair away from your face. Rubbing your eyes as you opened them, you tried to understand what was going on and what had woken you up.
Your room was still dark, but you had let your blinds rolled up so the moonlight seeped in.
When your eyes adjusted to the darkness, you finally could make out what was going on.
Besides you, the bed was empty, the sheets unmade as if Jungkook had woken up in a haste.
“Just calm down and tell me what’s going on,” you heard the deep voice of Jungkook.
He was sitting on the floor, by the bed, back resting on its side as he held his phone to his ear.
You frowned a bit, who would call at 3 am?
“Joon, please, calm down, you’re freaking me out.”
You kneeled on the bed and crawled towards its side until you were behind Jungkook. He softly moved his head to the side, looking at him out of the corner of his eye.
“Tell me,” he sighed. “No, I’m with Y/N.”
A long pause followed his words, and suddenly, a thick silence filled the room.
A cry escaped Jungkook’s throat. It was so low you weren’t even sure if you had imagined it.
“W-what?” he gasped.
Confused, you sat on the floor by his side. His face was like nothing you had ever seen, contorted in pure pain and agony.
“You’ve got to be kidding me, this can’t be…” he hid his face in between his bent knees, his free hand pulling harshly from his hair. “This can’t be happening.”
“Jungkook…” you whispered, caressing his shoulder trying to comfort him.
“FUCK!” he screamed, startling you and making you pull your hand away from him.
He stood up, pacing around the room frantically. You stared at him, worry starting to seep through every limb, bone and organ.
“FUCK!” Jungkook kept screaming, sometimes sobbing in between screams.
Jungkook was crying.
“This can’t be happening, Joon,” he sniffled. “This can’t… Fucking hell! Fuck! FUCK!”
You stood up, but didn’t dare touch him in case you startled him or something.
“W-what happened?” he kept saying, tears rolling down his cheeks. “W-who did it… How?”
A long pause followed his words. You blinked a few times, heart aching for him, despite not knowing what exactly had happened. You just knew, that it had to be something really bad, for the way Jungkook was breaking in front of you.
“Where are you? No, Namjoon, I’m going. If you think I’ll stay here as if nothing hap – Can you let me speak?! I’m not going to stay here! Send me your location and I’ll go.”
You approached him. He had his forehead pressed against the wall, body completely rigid.
“I don’t fucking care what you all say or what’s best, I already let him down, I won’t let him down twice,” he growled. “Sent me the location.”
With that, he hung up.
He started shaking, and you, afraid that he was crying again, approached him. But once you did, you stopped yourself from touching him.
He wasn’t trembling because of the cries, he wasn’t even crying anymore, he was trembling in pure anger, fists clenched and eyes closed.
“J-Jungkook,” you stuttered. You hated the tremble in your voice, and you hated yourself for being scared of him in that moment, but that was exactly what you were, scared to the bone.
You had never seen him so angry yet so calm, not even during the fights.
“Jungkook, what’s wrong?”
You decided to fight against yourself and placed another comforting hand on his shoulder.
As soon as you touched him, he flinched away from you, opening his eyes and walking away from the wall as he breathed heavily.
“Jungkook…” you whispered. His eyes were red and puffy from his previous outburst, and he had his jaw clenched. “What is it?”
“Taehyung and Evey are dead,” he spat the words so suddenly, that it felt like a bucket of ice water had been thrown all over your body.
“W-what?” you stuttered, barely being able to form any word.
“Fuck, Taehyung and Evey are dead!” he screamed, making you flinch and cover your eyes.
No. It couldn’t be real. You must be dreaming, sleeping soundlessly by Jungkook’s side on your bed. In a couple of hours, when the sun was high up in the sky, Evey would text you and you would both go to your favorite café to order a coffee and some green tea.
It couldn’t be real.
Jungkook started pacing around the room once again, pulling from his hair, growling and crying all over again.
“No…” you were mumbling. “What?”
You were even gasping for air, like a fish out of water.
“They attended the match… You were right, it was a trap,” Jungkook mumbled. “They did it… Mr. Kang and fucking Jiwon, they did it! They killed my brother!”
You cried and pressed your hands further against your ears, refusing to hear him, refusing to acknowledge what was happening.
“No… Evey.”
“They all waited for me to appear for two hours, and when I didn’t, the match was called off and they all went home. Taehyung, Evey and the boys stayed there, trying to reach out to me, but to no avail, so they ended up leaving. Mr. Kang men followed Tae and Evey down to Taehyung’s apartment and caught them in there… Namjoon and Hoseok found them an hour ago because Tae wasn’t answering the phone.”
A shiver run down your spine. Flashes of Taehyung and Evey laughing together in Tae’s apartment, you telling them they were gross as they kissed and showed their love to everyone. Flashes of them on the sofa, Evey on top of him as he grabbed her hips with his large hands, eyes always shiny as long as they were looking at her. Flashes of them on the floor, blood spilling from their bodies and accumulating on the floor as their eyes stared blankly at the ceiling. One next to the other.
You gasped for air. You didn’t know when you had stopped breathing, but suddenly you had felt your lungs closing and your throat constricting.
You put a hand on the wall, stopping you from falling to the floor.
“Evey… Tae…” was all you could mumble.
When you lifted your eyes from the floor, you saw Jungkook putting his clothes back on, not even bothering to grab his blazer.
“W-where are y-you going?” you stuttered.
“I’m going to get those fucking bastards and make them pay for what they did.”
“No!” you said, throwing yourself at him. “No, please Jungkook, don’t do that.”
“Get off me!” he growled, pulling your arms away from him.
“Please, please,” you kept pleading, following him towards the door. “Don’t go there.”
“I listened to you before, I didn’t attend the match… And look where Taehyung and Evey are now! It should have been me the one who died tonight, not them.”
The mere thought of Jungkook dying made you want to throw up.
“Don’t go, please,” you kneeled on the floor, hugging one of his legs. “Don’t leave me. I can’t lose you too.”
“Let go of me, this is what I have to do.”
“Please.”
With a harsh pull, he pulled his leg out of your embrace.
“I have to do this,” he said, hand grabbing the doorknob. “I have to do what’s right. This is right.”
“I don’t fucking care, my brother is dead Y/N, it’s as if I was dead too.”
“Don’t say that, don’t go,” you kept pleading. “Stay with me.”
“I can’t stay. Don’t come after me, please, stay here, it’s the only thing I’ll ask of you.”
“J-Jungkook,” you stuttered, blinking your eyes as the light of the corridor appeared and disappeared in mere seconds.
In the blink of an eye.
You stayed there, in the darkness of your room, kneeling naked on the old carpet. You were quiet, eyes glued to the closed door.
Darkness filled you, darkness surrounded you… And you wondered how things could change so quickly, when you had been feeling so full and giddy just hours ago.
Finally, you let out a sob, and then other, and the next second, you were crying on the floor, face hidden behind your hands.
He had left you with the same words that once made you wanted to leave. I can’t. I can’t love you. I can’t stay.
Both times you had pleaded him, to love you, to stay, and both of them, he had told you he couldn’t. What was it about the two of you that you wanted but couldn’t? Was it that you weren’t made for each other? He wanted to love you, but he couldn’t. He wanted to stay, but he couldn’t. You both wanted to be together, but you couldn’t, and each time you tried to go against those words, life proved you wrong and them right.
You feared your thoughts were true, you feared you couldn’t be with Jungkook. You feared there would be a time when he wouldn’t be part of your life anymore, a mere memory.
Flashes of Evey filled your mind.
Her with her radiant smile and comforting words, with those horrendous dramas she liked to watch, with her hot temper and big heart. Her, with her bag always full of extra pens she could borrow to you. Her, with her open arms and warm hugs. Her, with her head full of dreams and full of Taehyung. Her, in her flowy baby yellow dress in your graduation party.
“Yeah, against all odds, we’re fucking nurses,” she had murmured in your ear, radiant as ever.
She had always wanted to be a nurse, and she had told you multiple times how hard she had worked for it. She wanted to work at some hospital for some years before going to some country where aid was needed, she wanted to help those who needed it the most.
And now, she was gone, and the only thing that remained of her was the memory of her, in her flowy baby yellow dress walking away from you.
With thoughts of Evey, another thought appeared inside your mind. What if it was the last time you saw Jungkook too? What if you never got to see his beautiful face once again, or be gifted with one of his radiant smiles? What if you never got to hug him, touch him, smell him, kiss him again? What if you never got to tell him how much you loved him, and how proud you were of him?
The mere thought of that, sent bile to your mouth.
You stood up from the floor and grabbed your phone. You called the boys, one by one, but none of them answered.
You had some text messages from your family, telling you how proud they were of you and how much they loved you. But in that moment, it didn’t matter.
You opened Evey’s contact. She was offline.
You saw her profile picture. She was smiling, sitting on Taehyung’s lap. The both of them were laughing at something, his hands on her hips, her hands on top of his. You had been the one taking the picture months ago.
Rubbing your nose, you put on some clothes and sat on the bed, not knowing what to do.
Should you call Jungkook? Should you call… Who? Your family could do nothing but worry about you, you didn’t want to involve the police in case things got worse… You couldn’t do anything but sit there and wait. Wait, for Jungkook to arrive or for him to never come back, you never knew.
Tears dried on your skin and your head hurt so much you thought it was going to explode at any moment. Your lips were swollen, and your eyelids too, so much that it was almost difficult for you to keep your eyes open.
You don’t know how much time went by, you just remember staring at the window and seeing the colors in the sky slowly change, from a dark blue that looked almost black, to a beautiful cyan, to soft lilac hues with pink undertones.
Birds starting to sing and the city started to wake up.
And you were still waiting.
Your eyes had closed from tiresome and you had fallen back on the bed when you heard a knock on the door.
Immediately, you jumped on your feet and rushed to the door. Jungkook. Was it him?
Without even thinking twice, you opened the door, out of breath.
A dark shadow pushed you inside your room, grabbing you from the front of your t-shirt and slammed the door closed behind him.
“Hello, beautiful,” Jiwon smiled at you.
Your eyes widened in recognition, his face hidden beneath the shadows of his hoodie, but still, you could see a trail of blood dripping from his left eyebrow.
You opened your mouth to scream for help, but a gloved hand covered your mouth and no sound came from it.
With his other hand, he held the back of your head and pressed tightly.
“Hmpf,” you were protesting, trying to bite the skin of his hand but teeth only finding the leather material of the gloves.
“Shh, you don’t want t hurt me, don’t you? I thought we were friends.”
You couldn’t even think about defending yourself, it had all happened so quickly and you were so tired and drained… You were a limp puppet in his hands.
“Aren’t you going to delight me with your self-defense knowledge? What a disappointment… After all my brother told me I thought today would be fun,” he said, smirking wickedly as he slammed you against the wall.
His hand, still placed on the back of your head, absorbed the strength of the impact, but your back wasn’t protected by anything and you felt a sharp pain.
“Ah, did I hurt you?” he said. “Sorry.”
You had never seen that side of Jiwon. He looked just like his brother, a wicked version of him. His eyes looked shinier, almost as if he was crazy.
“I guess you’ll have to get used to it.”
His hands travelled once again to the front of your shirt and, before you could say anything, he was throwing you across the room, body falling against your desk with a loud boom. You gasped when you felt the edge of your desk hit your back, body falling onto the floor with another loud noise.
You tried to move away from him, crawling like a snake towards the door. Before you could move more than a couple of centimeters, he placed the thick sole of his booth on your lower back and forced you to stay still.
“Agh!” you protested.
He sat himself on your lower back in a swift motion and placed his hands on your mouth once again, in case you asked for help.
“See, as I don’t want to be worried about you being too loud, I’ll apply an easy solution.”
You heard him move, one of his hands retreating from your mouth. Some seconds passed and then, his hand was back on your mouth, this time shoving something inside. It was something that felt like a cloth, so big that you thought your jaw would dislocate. A metallic taste filled your mouth.
“Sorry it’s a bit dirty… I didn’t have time to wash it after going to your friend’s apartment…”
Your eyes opened wide in recognition and a wave of nausea hit you, gagging multiple times.
“Don’t worry, it didn’t touch them with it, I just used it to clean my hands from their blood.”
You gagged once again, tears filling your eyes. You felt as if you were going to throw up right there and you would choke on your own vomit, so you tried to calm yourself. Cold mind, cold mind Y/N, think please.
He grabbed your hands and held them behind your back with one of his, the other grabbing your hair forcefully and forcing you to lift your head from the floor.
“Oh, no, Y/N, why are you crying? Am I hurting you? No… I didn’t want this to happen, I swear, but each time you disappeared, you appeared back again like the little whore you are. You wanted to make Jungkook jealous with me, huh? Well, I must thank you for the act, you were truly helpful to me.”
He chuckled, the sound was a vicious noise to your ears.
“You brought me closer to him and made him weaker… Women always make men weaker for them, always find their easy spots. Pff,” he scoffed.
Suddenly, he slammed your head against the floor. You felt your whole head reverberating, the pain mixing with the headache being almost unbearable.
“My brother told you to tell Jungkook to show up at the match… He didn’t,” he slammed your head on the floor again, your vision becoming blurry.
When he felt your body relaxing underneath his, he let go of your wrists and stood up.
The back of his boot slammed against your side, a sharp pain echoing through your whole body. Black dots appeared in your line of vision, and the only thing you could see was the dusty floor beneath your bed and a pair of socks that you had left forgotten there.
You followed his movements with the corner of your eyes.
He began pacing around your room, looking at the decorations on the wall. He was so sure you were done, that he wasn’t even sparing you a glance.
You tried to move, but your limbs weren’t responding you. You clenched your teeth in frustration.
“I’m curious… Was he even going to show up? I didn’t know he was such a coward,” he waited for you to answer, but when he remembered you couldn’t, he cracked up. “How silly I am! You can’t talk!”
You growled when he looked at you, but he just shrugged and focused his eyes on the wall in front of your bed. There were polaroids of you and Evey all over the place.
The mere thought of him staring at her pictures just after what he had done to her…
“It’s such a shame, you know?” he began saying.
He was so absorbed in his own little word and full of arrogance, that was facing his back to you as he looked at the pictures without even worrying about him.
Well, you have underestimated me once again.
Closing your eyes tightly, you thought of Evey. Of her beautiful baby yellow dress stained with a deep crimson red right now. Of her body lying on Taehyung’s carpeted floor. You thought of her blood pooling beneath her body, staining too, the purple carpet. You thought of Jiwon standing before her, wiping his blood-covered hands in the cloth you now had in your mouth.
With all the strength that was still left in your body, you placed your hands on the floor and flexed your elbows. The cloth muffled your cries of pain, your side really hurt.
“That two young girls like you, with all their lives ahead of them, so pretty and full of future… Had to get involved with two guys like them and fuck everything up. Taehyung got Evey killed… And now Jungkook will get you killed too…”
You felt dizzy once you were crouched on the floor, but you knew there was no time to waste.
Supporting your body on the desk behind you, you grabbed the desk lamp that was in there with your other hand. A metallic old piece of shit you had protested a lot about, but that now, would come in handy to you.
With a strong pull from it, you unplugged it from the wall and held it in the air, above Jiwon’s head.
He didn’t have enough time to react only turning around, and before he could do anything, the lamp crashed with force against the side of his head. You heard a deafening sound and then, his body was falling backwards onto your bed.
Letting the lamp fall to the floor, you quickly shoved the cloth out of your mouth, nearly throwing up in the process.
Your body fell to the floor, resting on your hands and knees as you spat all your friend’s blood.
Your whole body was trembling, aching, and you were starting to black out from those sharp bangs your head had received.
You could hear Jiwon crying in pain and you were trying to stand back on your feet so you could rush to the corridor and ask for help, but you had spent all your energies in grabbing the lamp and smashing it against Jiwon’s head.
You felt him move, and wanted to move too, but you couldn’t.
Before you could even cry, he grabbed you by the hair and slammed your head backwards against the table. You felt cold spreading from where the table had hit you, to the rest of your head and neck.
Your back rested on the stack of drawers that formed party of your desk. You were gasping for air as you saw Jiwon crouching before you. You wanted to scream, now with your mouth free of the cloth. But still, you couldn’t say a word.
Your head fell limply to the side, and you felt Jiwon’s hand grabbing your chin and forcing your head to stay upright.
“You think you’re more intelligent than me, huh? That you will get out of this, huh?”
Blood was dripping from his forehead, and his grip wasn’t as tighter as he was before.
His hands travelled towards your neck.
“That first night I met you, of course I knew who you were… Word spreads fast,” his hands were barely caressing you, knowing you couldn’t make anything to pull them away from you. “I truly couldn’t understand why Jungkook had set his eyes on you, you looked so dull and ordinary… You would have never caught his eye. But then, you told me you were dressing as Hellboy, not Hellgirl, and when we spoke you had guts, sarcasm and were wity… Then, I knew why he had set his eyes on you,” he smirked, his hands tightened around your neck.
“The fact that you kept coming back to me each time was almost comical, you made me think you were another one of Jungkook’s hook ups, you know? Your attitude and that pettiness had made him want you, but once he had had you, I thought he would let you go. And surprisingly! He fell for you!” he started laughing, as if he had just made one of the funniest jokes he had ever heard. “Not even my brother believed me when I told him Jeon was in love with you! He didn’t believe me until he didn’t show up tonight.”
You started to feel your feet getting cold and numb. You wanted to lift your hands and reach for him, but you couldn’t.
You gasped for air.
“I must admit you’re pretty tough… What a waste of – ”
You knew he kept talking, but you couldn’t hear him. Just a buzzing sound and your head suddenly was too heavy for you to bear it.
The black dots appeared once again, and you fought to keep your eyes open. Your lids felt so heavy…
His lips kept moving, his hands couldn’t press tighter against your neck because he, himself, was fighting against his own body too. You could see it in the way his head swung sometimes.
You blinked. Saw the door to your room opening. Light seeping inside of it. A body entered the room. You blinked. Jiwon’s hands disappeared from around your neck, and your body fell limply against the floor, your head falling on top of one of your arms and amortizing the fall. You blinked. You could see a set of black shoes, covered in dots of crimson red. They looked familiar to you but you couldn’t remember where you had seen them. You blinked. Jiwon’s boots appeared right in front of the pair of shoes. You blinked, lids getting heavier and heavier. After a few seconds, Jiwon’s body fell limply to the floor, right next to yours. You blinked. You could see Jiwon’s face. His eyes stared blankly and lifelessly at you. You blinked.
Someone lifted your upper body from the floor, your head spinning from the movement.
You could feel your body shaking, or was that someone who had lifted you from the floor the one shaking you? You tried to focus your eyes but you couldn’t, everything was happening so slowly…
“… Y/N…” you somehow heard your name, but it sounded so distant… Almost as if you were under water. “Y/N… Please baby, stay with me…”
You tried to blink once again, but this time, your eyelids didn’t answer to you.
“… I can’t lose you too… Stay with me… I won’t be able to bear it…”
And then, everything went black and peaceful, frighteningly peaceful.
. . .
It was as if you had been asleep for a long time, except for the fact that your whole body ached and you didn’t feel rested at all.
The first thing you noticed was a familiar scent.
Something that smelled like antiseptic and cleaning products, like the alcohol you use to wash your hands.
It was something you had become familiar with.
Hospitals.
You made a great effort in opening your eyes, your vision blurry and cross-eyed.
The noises around you were familiar too. Beeps of the ECG and scratches of the small wheels of the medication carts against the floor.
You were in a hospital.
Finally, you snapped your eyes open, staring all around you, a bit disoriented.
“Oh my god, sweetheart,” you heard a soft voice say from behind you. “You’re awake.”
You focused your eyes on the direction of the voice, finding the face of your mother. She had a frown on her face, but looked somehow relieved. Her eyes were red and swollen, and her hair was disheveled and all over the place.
“Love,” she whispered, sitting on the armchair by your bed and placing a hand on your cheek. “You’re here with me…”
You frowned and closed your eyes for a moment, taking your time. Your body hurt, your head hurt, everything hurt, but there was a pain that outstood the rest, and it wasn’t physical. Your heart ached, it made you want to rip every single venous line you had in your body and scream at the top of your lungs.
Flashes of a yellow dress fill your mind, and then, images of blood and bodies lying on the floor.
“Evey…” you whispered.
Your mother brought a hand to her mouth.
“Oh, sweetheart… You know about Evey?” she asked you. You nodded softly. “I’m so sorry… What happened to her… We’re all heartbroken. For a moment I thought you’d have the same fate as her...”
You opened your eyes, your vision was blurry from the tears.
“You know what happened to her?” you asked. Your mouth felt dry and it was difficult for you to speak.
She nodded. “It’s horrible what happened to her and her… Boyfriend. Their parents didn’t even know she was dating someone. Apparently, the boy was involved with bad people and… Got Evey involved too.”
You looked away. It hurt to hear your mother talk about Taehyung like that. It hurt to think that Evey’s family were probably hating him now, blaming him for Evey’s death… But wasn’t him the one at fault for Evey’s death?
You clenched your fists in anger.
“Did you know she was dating that boy? That he was… Dangerous?”
Yeah, you had, and despite all the conversations with Evey, all the fights telling her he wasn’t good for her… You had caved in along with her and all of them. If you had been a better friend, if you had insisted more… If you hadn’t gotten involved too, maybe you wouldn’t be in that hospital room with your mother looking like she had spent a whole week crying. Maybe Evey wouldn’t be dead.
It was not Taehyung’s fault, he just loved Evey so much. You remember the pure fear in his eyes that night he told you about his and Jungkook’s business. How he had pleaded you to keep Evey out of all that. He just loved her and she just loved him. It wasn’t their fault.
But you should have been the rational one, convinced Evey that the boy wasn’t good for her and that the best she could do was ignore her feelings. And you had been… Until you followed her steps.
“No…” you breathed. It felt like you were betraying Taehyung a little, letting him be the bad one. “I didn’t know she had a boyfriend either.”
You looked back at your mother and she looked angry as she grabbed your hands with more strength, as if she was afraid you would just disappear.
“You have to be careful with who you get involved with, look what happened to Evey, look what happened to you,” she said.
“What happened to… Me?”
She caressed your knuckles “Those delinquents who… Did that to Evey, came looking for you thinking you would have some sort of information. They not only nearly killed you, but they killed a poor boy who came to defend you.”
Your heart skipped a beat. Jungkook.
“A… A p-poor boy who came to defend me?” you gasped, you felt as if you were out of breath.
“His name was Kim Jiwon,” your mother nodded, closing her eyes as if feeling the pain. “He had been missing since he was ten, his older brother taking him away from his family. They came from a wealthy family, but apparently, the older brother was involved in some dark business and their parents kicked him out. He brought poor Kim Jiwon with him.”
Jiwon was dead… And they thought he was the good one?
You wanted to speak but bit your tongue. You didn’t know where Jungkook was or if he was safe, you didn’t want to risk his safety by asking about him.
Nothing in your mother’s testimony made sense, the reality you knew was another. Of course it could be true that Jiwon and his brother came from a wealthy family… But the fact that he was a good boy and that had come to your rescue? No. Maybe that was police wanted to make everyone believe so things wouldn’t get any more complicated.
“Those… Assholes, nearly took you away from me,” your mother said after a few seconds, snapping you back to reality. She threw herself at you on the bed, accidentally hitting your side and making you almost see black from the pain. You didn’t say a thing though, she had been worried enough about you. “I thought I was going to lose you. The doctors said you needed time to recover from the hits to your head and kept you sedated, they told me you would eventually wake up but that they didn’t new if there would be any consequences left…”
“How much time have I been… Here?”
“A week.”
Your eyes widened. “Grandad, grandma? Auntie?”
“They’re all home. Police called us just when we were about to return home. I bought them train tickets and told them that I would take care of you. I didn’t tell them how bad the wounds were, didn’t want to worry them too much… You already know your grandmother… But they asked me that you called them when you were feeling better, no pressure, you need to rest first and then we can call whoever you want.”
You nodded with your head. You wanted to talk about Jungkook. Where he was, if he was safe, if he was still alive…
You remember that voice before blacking out, it was his.
“Who found me?”
“Police did, a boy called them.”
“And they only found me in my room?”
Your mother frowned.
“I mean, was I alone in my room when they found me?”
“Well, yeah,” she blinked. “Except for that other boy. Poor soul… Did you know him?”
“Hmm…” you didn’t want them all to think Jiwon was a ‘poor soul’ and that he was the victim of it all. “I had seen him around before, he was always into shady things…”
“But police told us –“
“Police didn’t know him,” you cut her. “He was just as bad as the boys who did this.”
Your mother stayed silent.
“I’m so happy you’re back sweetheart,” she placed a kiss on your forehead. “But you should rest a bit now, you have two broken ribs and a strong head contusion.”
Ah, so that’s why your side hurt so much… It seemed like a miracle to still be alive after all the blows you had received.
“Alright,” you nodded with your head.
“I’ll call the doctor, tell her you’re awake.”
You nodded again.
She stayed all night with you. You watched her sleeping form on the armchair by your bed, you were so sorry for all the pain you must have caused her. You wondered if she had ever left your side once in the entire week you had been there.
You wanted to sleep, you felt so tired and drained, but you couldn’t. Your mind was full of thoughts of Jungkook. Your heart ached at the mere thought of something bad happening to him. He had clearly killed Jiwon… Fuck, he had killed someone, didn’t matter if that someone was Jiwon… He had his hands covered with his blood.
Just a week before you were running away from your graduating party with him, holding hands and laughing at everything that waited for the two of you. Now, you weren’t sure if there was even a ‘the two of you’.
It took you thirty minutes to convince your mother of the fact that, if she went to the cafeteria to have for once a decent breakfast and take a walk to clear her mind, you wouldn’t die.
She left after a thousand ‘are you sure?’, ‘keep your phone in the bedside table’, ‘if something happens call me and if you start feeling bad, call the nurses’.
When she left you alone, you sighed.
It was a lot to take in, and everything you thought about it, your head hurt.
You took the painkillers that the nurse had left on the bedside table for you. Now that you were awake, you didn’t need the saline solutions anymore, nor did you need to take all the meds via iv.
What if you called the boys? Would they tell you where Jungkook was, if he was fine? What if you called Jungkook?
You were there, your phone in your hands, when the door of your room opened.
Thinking it was a nurse, or your mother, repeating you if you were sure for the umpteenth time, you didn’t even spare a glance to the door. But you did once you saw the dark figure wasn’t moving.
Slowly, you lifted your gaze to the person who had entered the room, air disappearing from your lungs.
You didn’t even have time to say anything before he was running towards you and stretching you in his arms, face hidden in the crook of your neck. You could only lift your arms and encircle his torso with them.
You let out a long exhale of air. He was alive, he was there with you.
You started sobbing, ignoring the pain in your ribs and the pain inside your chest. He was there in your arms, and it was all that mattered to you.
He broke the hug and grabbed your face with both of his hands. You hadn’t seen him since he had entered the room, and you left a strangled gasp at the sight of his bruised face.
“Jungkook,” you said, hands coming up to caress his face. “Oh my God, what happened to you?”
Your eyes traveled across his face, hidden underneath the hood of his black sweatshirt. He had bruises all over his left cheek, covering the scar of the cut you had once sewed up. One of his eyes was swollen and covered in a yellowish tone, but from the look of it, it had been completely purple not to long ago. His once straight and round nose was curved on the bridge, an ugly cut on top of it. Your eyes ghosted over the scar.
“You didn’t go to the doctor? To anyone who could heal you?”
Jungkook grabbed your hand and pulled it softly away from him, only to grab your face once again and press his lips against yours, and then against your forehead, your cheeks, the tip of your nose, your chin, the corners of your lips.
“I thought I had lost you too…” he murmured in between kisses. Another kiss to your lips. “I thought you wouldn’t come back to me, I… I felt like dying when I entered your room and found Jiwon on top of you… I-I…” his voice broke and you looked up just in time to see two thick tears rolling down his cheeks.
You covered his hands with yours, cradling your cheeks.
“Seeing you looking so pale… And so still lying in my arms…” he closed his eyes. “It haunts me every night.”
“But now I’m here, Jungkook,” you whispered.
He leaned his forehead against yours and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.
“You’re here…” he breathed, repeating your words.
“And you’re here too…”
He pursed his lips and you pulled your face away from his hands, trying to get a better look of his face.
“You need to see a doctor,” worried was laced in your voice as your eyes, once again, trailed his features.
He lowered his head and distanced himself away from you, hands still intertwined with yours.
“It’s okay, I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine, you’re nose looks like it’s broken. What happened to you? Where did you go when you left my room?”
“I shouldn’t have left your room, if I hadn’t, maybe…” he stopped himself.
“Maybe…” you said, trying to make him continue.
You tried to sit yourself up on the bed, but the pain in your side stopped you from doing so. Hearing your strangled cry, Jungkook lifted his eyes from the sheets of your bed and placed a hand on your shoulder, forcing you to lay back on the bed, the back of your bed slightly up.
“Maybe you wouldn’t be here right now and I wouldn’t have to…” he averted his eyes once again, lost somewhere beyond the window of your room, staring at the grey clouds that covered the sky. It looked as if he was deep in thought. You opted for giving him some time.
He took a deep breath, his face turned blank and you wondered what he was thinking about.
“I don’t have much time –“
“Why?” you interrupted him.
“I don’t have much time, I just heard the doctors outside yesterday say that you were finally awake and I wanted to see you but your mother was in here and I couldn’t. Your mother or anyone else can’t see me here.”
“Why? Why can’t they see you?” you said, frowning.
His eyes went back to yours. They looked dark and you felt like you were falling into the void when you stared at them.
“I wanted to see you,” he ignored your question. “Wanted to see you one last time and make sure you would be alright. I couldn’t stand the idea of not knowing if you’d be okay.”
“What do you mean with all this, Jungkook? You’re confusing me,” you closed your eyes as a dull pain started to fill every part of your head. “What do you mean with wanting to see me one last time?”
When you opened your eyes once again you felt small under his stare, under his dark eyes that were looking so intensely at you. He bit his lower lip, frowned, as if he was debating against himself.
“I have to go, Y/N,” he breathed, his voice barely audible and nearly blending with the sounds of the iv machine.
“Now? My mother won’t be back until –“
“I have to go to another city,” he interrupted you.
“Alright,” you nodded. “When you’re back I’ll probably be out of the hospital so –“
“No,” he interrupted you again, shaking his head. “You’re not understanding me. I’m going to another city. Forever.”
You stood silent after his words, only staring at him and breathing. Your eyes started to sting from the tears you had shed before and because you weren’t even blinking.
“F-forever?”
“Yeah,” he breathed.
“B-but, if you wait for me I’ll be able to go with you when the doctors discharge me.”
He smiled softly and brought one of his hands to caress your cheek. His eyes turned soft and he was staring at you almost as if he was… Sad.
“I cannot wait for you and I cannot bring you with me, you must stay here.”
Your eyes filled with tears.
“Why? I want to be with you.”
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
“I want to be with you, Y/N, believe me, I want nothing more in this world than to be with you… But I –“
You shook your head and pushed his hand away from you, averting your eyes from his.
“Don’t say you can’t, don’t say that.”
“You know I want to be with you, that I’d love to spend the rest of my days hearing your laugh and seeing your smile. Teasing you and making you angry… But… But I can’t.”
Hot tears rolled down your cheeks. That was what you two were, wasn’t it? A constant I want but I can’t.
“Staying with you means putting you in danger… Again. It means forcing you to leave your life behind, your career, your family and everything you know and love.”
“I wouldn’t care if it all was for you.”
“But I would. I would care.”
“So what? After all we went through, you’re just going to disappear and leave me here?”
“Don’t say it as if I was abandoning you, please,” he said, lowering his voice and closing his eyes. You couldn’t imagine how much your words hurt his heart.
“And what are you doing, Jungkook? I want to be with you, there’s nothing else in this world that I want more. I lied for you, I hid the truth from my best friend for months, I put myself in danger for you… I’ve shown you how much I want to be with you. How much I love you… I don’t have a say in all this?”
Jungkook clenched his teeth. He wished those beautiful words had spilled from your lips in a different place, under different circumstances.
It wasn’t easy for him either. He wanted to be with you too. To see your pretty face every day when he woke up, see how you scrunched up your face when he pinched your nose to wake you up. To see your hair shining under the sunlight, contrasting with the white pillow. He wanted to eat pizza with you at night, to show you the world and hand it to you on the palm of his hand. He wanted to see you make your dreams come true and grow as a person. He wanted to make his dreams come true by your side and make you proud by growing as a person.
But he couldn’t.
He couldn’t do all that because he cared about you too much.
Because he knew what he had done and what would happen because of that. He knew he could never give you the life you wanted… The life you deserved. He couldn’t promise you a normal life with a normal future, normal holidays travelling and seeing the world, normal family with children and peace. He couldn’t, and that killed him.
Above everything he wanted… He wanted you to be safe, and that could only happen if he stayed away from you.
He shook his head, eyes still closed.
“No when your life is involved.”
“I’d rather live a short happy life, than live all my life regretting not spending it with you.”
He shook his head once again. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“Of course I know what I’m saying! Do you think I’m someone who speaks without thinking first? I’ve lost too many things to lose another one, you can’t do this to me.”
“Believe me Y/N, this was not my plan, this was not what I wanted…” he stared at you. “I wanted to make things right for once, do what was correct. I wanted to leave the world of fights and drugs and violence and all that behind, leave Sungho and Mr. Kang and all their shit. I wanted to become someone you could be proud of. I wanted to become a better person for my mother. I didn’t want this.”
“Why is this happening, then? What went wrong? You seemed so happy last week.”
“I thought I had everything under control,” he said, shaking his head. “I thought that, if I went to the police and told them everything about Sungho and Mr. Kang, everything would be alright.”
“You listened to me?”
“At first I thought it was stupid… But then… I started to think that maybe it was the only way out… I just happen to forget that Mr. Kang has men everywhere.”
“They told him what you wanted to do?”
Jungkook sighed.
“The agreement was that I would give them all the information I had about Mr. Kang and Sungho’s business, enough to send them both to jail and their closest men with a pretty good sentence. In exchange, they would reduce my sentence and Taehyung’s to a couple of years and grant us protection while in jail so Mr. Kang and Sungho’s contacts couldn’t reach us.”
You nodded, encouraging him.
“But Mr. Kang heard about my agreement and acted before it could come true. I handed the cops all the information I had, names, places, bank accounts… Everything… And then went to your graduation ball in hopes that they would act quick enough for them to capture Mr. Kang and Sungho before the fight had even begun… The cops never appeared, and… And when I heard they had killed Taehyung I went searching for Mr. Kang and his men. Killed Jiwon’s brother, then Mr. Kang,” he said, as if it was something normal. “Lastly I killed Jiwon.”
You gulped. You blinked a few times staring at his hands. They were clean, but you knew they were stained in blood, just like Jiwon’s had been when he came to your room.
“The agreement was to hand the police Mr. Kang and their men alive… So now the agreement is over, and they’re going after me.”
“You can tell them what they did, tell them that he had undercover men.”
“They already know.”
“And then?”
“They just don’t know who they are,” he sighed. “It’s not that easy Y/N. Having some gang after me… I could hide with the protection Sungho offered me. But hiding from the police, after betraying both gangs… Sungho is in jail now and I’m sure he knows I was the one who sold him out, I don’t have his protection anymore and I can’t let police get me. Justice won’t be soft on me, and without their protection in jail, I’ll be dead.”
“There has to be other way…”
“There is,” Jungkook nodded, once again grabbing your hand in his. “Disappearing. Going as far as I can.”
You shook your head and closed your eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling.
“Listen to me, Y/N,” he said. “Look at me, look at me please,” he told you. You softly opened your eyes. The sky outside was so cloudy there was barely any light in the room. “This is what is best now, this is making things right. I wish I had more time to say goodbye, maybe a last week with you or so, but I already risked being here for a week waiting you would get better. Now that I know you’re safe, I can go –“
“Jungkook.”
“Let me finish, please,” he said.
You nodded, swallowing all your tears bitterly.
“You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. You’re also the most stubborn and insufferable person I know,” you both laughed at that. “But it has brought me to life. You and your hot temper and attitude and your strong character and your snarky remarks. You have brought me to life, and I have no words to describe how thankful I am.”
You smiled at him, or at least tried, because your vision was so blurry you could perfectly be staring at the window.
“You’ve made me, for the first time in a long time, want to be better, want to make people proud of me. I haven’t been able to do so in the end,” he scoffed. “But I’ve tried, I swear I’ve tried.”
“I know.”
He grabbed your face with both hands.
“And I don’t want you to cry for us, or to be sad about what could have been,” he said, shaking his head. “Because we made the most out of the little time we had together. I wished it would have been eternal, a lifetime length, but it can’t be. I would do it all over again, maybe I would change some things like kicking you out of my apartment that night you met my mother…” you turned serious and he laughed at your face. “But I would do it all over again if it meant being with you.”
“I would do it all too, Jungkook. You’ve turned my boring life into something exciting.”
“So exciting it nearly killed you.”
And there they were, those words he always said that made you laugh even if your heart was breaking into a million pieces.
You closed your eyes as you laughed. It was bitter, but it was true. You basked in the warmth of his hands, in the comfort of his presence.
“Will I ever see you again?” you finally opened your eyes and stared at him.
His eyes were shinny and wet, looking as round as the planet Earth. You swore he could hold the whole wide world in them.
“I don’t know,” he whispered.
“I’ll wait for you, Jungkook. I’ll wait for you to come back to me. Maybe ten years from now, maybe fifty… I don’t care. I’ll wait for you.”
He shook his head.
“Don’t,” he smiled. “I don’t deserve it. Be happy, live a full life. Adopt a puppy and call him Jungkook –“
“You know I would never do something as cruel to a poor puppy as calling him Jungkook,” you interrupted him, trying to turn serious.
He laughed and stared at you with adoration written in his eyes. He couldn’t believe he was about to leave the woman of his life.
“Okay, call him Four-Cheese Pizza,” he joked. “Buy a nice house and go to IKEA to buy furniture and steal as many small pencils as you can from there. Dance and laugh and meet people… Travel around the world, get to know every place and think of me in each one of them hugging you, kissing you or making you trip,” you punched his arm and he laughed. “And maybe, one day, we’ll find each other again.”
“Maybe one day…” you breathed, as if it was your own promise.
He sealed that promise with his lips, caressing yours with them until you started to feel dizzy and him, breathless. It was a bitter seal that held a sweet promise.
The promise that maybe, you would come across each other again, in some corner of this world. The same world that Jeon Jungkook held in his eyes as he walked out of your hospital room and stared at you with those beautiful, dark, almost animalistic eyes, for the last time.
Present day…
The girl blinks, hoping the man will continue talking.
When she does so, some tears escape from her eyes and roll down her cheeks. She quickly wipes them away, not wanting the man to see her cry and make him feel bad.
He doesn’t see, though, his eyes lost in the cloudy sky outside the window. She has finally convinced the man to raise the blinds so the room wouldn’t be as dark.
When the girl sees the man isn’t going to talk, she opens her mouth.
“And what happened after that? Did you go back to the city? Did you see her again?” she asks, not being able to stop herself.
She can’t believe their story ended like that, no wonder why the man is so bitter and nostalgic all the time. If she had a love like that, and she let it go, she would also be bitter and nostalgic, though the circumstances weren’t the best…
The man smiles softly and stares at the girl.
“I did,” he says. His smile doesn’t reach his eyes, and for the first time, she sees him looking tired and drained besides sad and bitter.
“A-and… What happened? You went back together? Was she waiting for you?”
The man laughs at the questions. The girl is curious. She reminds him so much of you…
“Seven years later, I received a call from Namjoon. We kept in contact every once in a while, careful not to get caught,” he says. “Sungho had been killed in a brawl inside the jail. Some of his men died with him too. It was finally safe to return to the city.”
The girl smiles, waiting for the man’s next words, eager to hear him telling her about how he saw Y/N again.
“After seven years I went back to that city, my house. It had changed so much. The problematic area was now a neighborhood full of young couples and students. The neon lights had disappeared, they weren’t trendy anymore. Minho’s club had been turned into a gambling building… I searched for her as soon as I stepped a foot in that place.”
The girl leans forward in her chair. She’s excited.
“She was now living in a modest neighborhood, nice apartment, she owned a car of her own. A nice Chevrolet. She worked at a hospital not far from her apartment. There were some flower shops nearby and a small shopping center. It took me two weeks to gather the guts to go to the hospital and wait for her near the parking entrance. I sat on top of a stone bench waiting for her evening shift to end. It felt like an eternity, but when I heard her laugh and saw her walking out of the hospital front door and towards the parking entrance, I knew it had been more than worth it. She looked…” the man stops, eyes getting lost in the distance. The girl swore she could see the girl reflected in the man’s eyes, she swore he was seeing her all over again in his head.
“Breathtaking. She hadn’t changed one bit. She had cut her hair and her face looked brighter, but besides that, she was the same girl I had left in that hospital room seven years ago. It took me everything not to run to her and kiss her… But I didn’t. I stayed there, watching her walk with her colleague, laughing and talking about everything. I stayed there and when they approached too much, I ran away. It was like that for a month. Sometimes it was after the night shift, sometimes after the morning shift. Sometimes she walked with someone, sometimes she walked alone. Some days it rained, other days, it was sunny. But I never had the courage to stand from that stone bench and walk towards her.”
The girl’s smile vanishes and her eyes turn sad.
“One day, I told myself it would be the day. I brought some flowers in the nearby flower shop, some beautiful sunflowers. I sat on that bench and told myself that I would get her, the woman of my life, that I would kneel before her and tell her how much I had missed her, how much I…” the man stops, and his eyes return back to reality. He returns to his hospital room, to his bed. His eyes turn sad once again. “But then I saw her smiling at her phone, looking so bright and… Beautiful… And images of her in that hospital room, eyes filled with tears, looking sad while I broke her heart and told her we couldn’t be together, that I had to leave the city, to leave her came to my mind. I couldn’t see her sad once again, and somehow, I knew my presence would bring her that. Sadness. Would bring her all the bad memories and feelings. I wanted her to remain happy and bright and healthy.”
The man stops, and the girl bounces her leg up and down impatiently.
“So I told myself that it was better that way. That she thought I was still lost somewhere across the sea. I stood up, threw the flowers on a nearby trashcan and stared at her one last time. I felt as if I was taking a picture of her with my eyes, and then, walked away and never went back to the hospital or… To her.”
The young nursing student opens her mouth and gasps.
“You… You never saw her again?”
The man shakes his head. His dark eyes find the girl’s and she shivers.
He can see in them everything the man had once been.
“I told myself I was doing it all for her, that I was keeping her safe and happy. I hoped she was happy with her job and life and new apartment. And I stayed out of it… I told myself that during the following four months, and everyday was a battle against myself, not to go to the hospital and see her again, just one last time… But I was just lying to myself,” he scoffs bitterly. “I didn’t do it for her. I did it for myself. Because I was so scared, I was so scared she had done what I had asked her and had moved on, that she hadn’t waited for me. I was so scared she would reject me or tell me that she was better without me. I was so scared that she didn’t even remember me anymore… So I saved myself the pain and disappeared, carried on with life.”
“How could you do that? You loved her.”
The man smiles at the girl’s words.
“I did it precisely because of that.”
“And what did you do? With your life.”
The man shrugs. “Found a decent job, decent apartment. Visited my mom, I bought myself a nice car too. I got married once, unsurprisingly it didn’t go well and divorced. Met some more women after that… But nothing serious. And… Here I am now. A sad, old man who is about to die just as sad and alone.”
“You won’t be alone, Mr. Jeon,” the girl decisively says, nodding her head. “I’ll be here with you.”
For the first time since she knows him, she sees him smile, properly smile. He has a beautiful smile, one that makes him look younger. His bunny front teeth shows, and new crinkles form by the side of his eyes.
“Thank you, young girl,” he smiles.
The girl grabs his hand.
“If there’s something I can do for you, Mr. Jeon… Call a friend, search for someone…”
The man narrows his eyes.
“There is one thing you can do for me.”
The girl nods and lets go of his hand. The man sits on his bed with effort, opening the drawer of his nightstand and grabbing an envelope from it. He hands it to the girl and she holds it delicately.
“It’s for her,” he says with a raspy voice. “She lives near the Central Hospital. Sixth floor, B door.”
She stares at the envelope, your address written on it.
“I was planning on sending it to her since a long time ago… But never did. I think now is the time to start doing things I wanted to do but never did, don’t you think?”
“Do you want me to go to her house and give it to her?”
“Yeah, I’d love it. If you want to, of course, I would never –“
“I’ll do it, Mr. Jeon,” the girl nodded solemnly. “I’ll give it to her.”
. . .
It is a week after Mr. Jeon is gone, that the girl finds the strength to finally keep her promise to him.
On a Tuesday evening, she walks out of the hospital, letter secured in her backpack and follows the address that was written on the envelope of the letter.
She knocks on the B door of the sixth floor of the apartment building near the Central Hospital and waits.
It seems like an eternity, but eventually, the door opens.
It reveals a woman with soft wrinkles starting to cover her face. She radiates something the girl can’t put a name to, but something that makes her understand why Mr. Jeon once fell for her.
“Hello?” she asks, her voice is soft and she smiles at her.
“Hi,” the girl says shyly.
She doesn’t know where to look at, she can’t help but stare at the woman before her, at you. You look just like Mr. Jeon used to describe you, he didn’t leave any detail out.
You raise your brows and the girl laughs.
“Oh, sure,” she smiles, grabbing her backpack from her back and unzipping it. She searches through it, hand coming across the letter finally.
She hands it to you with a smile on her face.
“It’s from an old friend,” she says.
You take the letter from the girl’s hand, frowning a bit.
“From an old friend?”
The girl nods and zips back her backpack, hanging it over her shoulder afterwards. She would love to stay there and see you read Jungkook’s letter, to know what he had written in it and how you would react to it, but she felt it was a moment that belonged to you and Jungkook only.
Smiling at you one last time, the girl walks down the corridor and disappears from your sight.
You’re left there, door still open, with that letter in your hands.
Still frowning, you close the door of your apartment, ushering your cat inside.
In silence, you read the letter.
To Y/N:
This is going to be brief. I hope you don’t throw this away as soon as you see my unmistakable handwriting.
There’s not been a single day when I haven’t missed you. There’s not been a single corner of this world that didn’t remind me of you. Everywhere I went, everywhere I stayed, there you were with me, in my arms (or tripping under my playful foot)
The Tale of the Wizard and the Princess - coming soon...
• Yoongi •
The Tale of the Dark Elf and his Light - coming soon...
• Hoseok •
Tale I - They, who belonged to The Sea
Pairing: Hoseok | Reader
Genre: fantasy au | triton au | pirate au | angst | smut | a bit of fluff
Word Count: 31k
Summary: a pirate and a triton will have to leave their differences aside if they want to join forces and find what the both desire most: their freedom. Join Y/N and Hoseok in their adventures across the Untamed Sea as they search for Salacia’s cave and the treasures it hides.
• Namjoon •
The Tale of the Explorer and the Light Elf - coming soon...
• Jimin •
The Tale of the Girl and the Ghost - coming soon...
• Taehyung •
The Tale of Mor’du - coming soon...
• Jungkook •
The Tale of the Last Dragon Rider - coming soon...
All rights about the stories and the moodboards reserved to cutaepatootie 2019
Pairing: Hoseok | Reader
Genre: Racer Hoseok Au / angst / smut / fluff
Word Count: +50k - short series
Parts: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 - final
. . .
When the cold winter disappears, the blooming spring appears in the city, and with it, the Racing Season starts.
At night, when the stars are shining in the sky and the neon lights in the high buildings of the city, the angry roars of engines and screeching sounds of wheels against the asphalt can be heard. It is dangerous, it is forbidden, but the adrenaline pumping through your veins makes you feel alive, makes you feel free.
Two rival teams compete for the same thing: winning the Racing Season and claiming the title of the most powerful gang in the city.
You are part of the Black Panthers, their mysterious new racer and their only hope of winning the Racing Season and finally beating the unvincible Blue Eagles and their main racer, a loud boy by the name of J Hope. He annoys you, with his jokes and his cocky attitude, and you want nothing but beat his ass, pressing harder on the gas pedal and leaving him behind as you cross the fnish line.
But, what happens when you find yourself growing closer to said boy and keeping secrets from everyone? From him. From your group, the Black Panthers. From your best friend. From yourself...
It is dangerous, it is forbidden, but the adrenaline pumping through your veins makes you feel alive, he makes you feel free.
→ Soundtrack: Now or Never by Halsey. This story is highly insipired by her album Hopless Fountain Kingdom, so I suggest you listen to it while reading this!
Ps: I’ll probably post the first part tomorrow!
honestly im so proud of namjoon and his collab, especially talking about social issues, please do listen to it. im in love with the aesthetics of the mv. aESTHETICS
also please check out my selling post with the tag #fafsells, i have updated my selling post and i ship internationally!
lets start~
1) Rome
by @peacheekeenb
a taehyung x y/n fic
oneshot ( but its part of A World of Beauty Series )
so do check out the other parts of the series! ( i should do it soon too )
2) Mark my Words
by @triptaech
a namjoon x y/n fic
oneshot
( the plot here is so good, writer kim sign me up???? )
3) Light
by @eommabtstrash
a jimin x y/n fic
oneshot
badby au
4) Baby Boy
by @btsstoriesand-astrology
a jungkook x y/n fic
oneshot
5) Obey
by @sugasgrowl
a jimin x y/n fic
oneshot
6) Seven Minutes in Heaven
by @vivacioustae
a taehyung x y/n fic
oneshot
7) Ilsum
by @yoongiisii
a taehyung x y/n fic
oneshot
lastly
8) Notorious
by @cutaepatootie
a taehyung x y/n fic
onegoing series with part one out
this is all for this fic rec, another one up soon~~
