Forged Divinity Chapter 26: Leannan Learns the Truth
2168 words
CW: past institutionalized slavery, religious themes, eugenics, sterilization, implied past noncon
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~~~
Enjolras had tracked every sale Leannan had gone through. From Iowa City to Lord Ransom; from Ransom to Queen Killia; from Killia to the Desert Conquerors. She had appealed to buy him from each, offering all the La Liberan riches and resources she had been allowed to. Each had refused. When the enclave of the Desert Conquerors was overrun by bandits, Enjolras had despaired, thinking Leannan lost.
But then, she’d heard tell of the last Iowan, on Donda Island.
Accompanied by none other than Phineas Kaŝpafisto.
Fate was a funny thing.
Now, after twelve years, Leannan was finally home; surrounded by his people, curled up head-to-head with his sister on the couch, his feet pressed against Enjolras’ thigh.
Enjolras wasn’t the only one awake, and wasn’t the only one looking at Leannan like he might disappear if they looked away. Callum and Siobhan basked in the presence of their completed family for a while before extracting themselves from their blankets and heading out to start breakfast. Teresa, an older teen, watched Leannan sleep with an unabashed smile but eventually roused her two peers to go take care of the animals.
Enjolras thought herself alone in her wakefulness, until she spotted Jeanette’s cool gaze, not on Leannan, but on her.
“That’s his sister, right?” Jeanette whispered, indicating Shannon with a flick of her eyes.
Enjolras nodded.
“He’s lucky to have a sister that loves him so,” Jeanette said.
“He is,” Enjolras agreed.
At the sound of her voice, Leannan stirred. He pushed himself upright with a silent yawn, then slumped against Enjolras, blinking sleepily.
“We’re still here,” he whispered.
“Yeah,” Enjolras put her arm around him, “We are.”
Leannan yawned again.
“I wish Phineas were here,” he said.
Enjolras couldn’t hide the way she tensed. Leannan lifted his chin to look at her.
“Why do you and Phineas dislike each other?”
Enjolras pursed her lips, considering her answer.
“Phineas…” she smiled sadly, “Phineas hates me the way only a middle child can.”
Leannan sat upright in surprise.
“They’re your sibling?”
“Yes,” Enjolras whispered, “Which means, they can’t ever really hurt me. And I can’t ever really hurt them.”
Leannan settled back into Enjolras’ side, closing his eyes.
“You should try to get along,” he mumbled.
Enjolras felt a little sick, as she watched Leannan fall back asleep in her arms. He had no idea how cruel Phineas had been to him. Phineas was a “good master” in his eyes. How could she possibly repair a view so skewed?
“You think you can’t kill Phineas, even if they deserve it?” Jeanette asked. Enjolras looked up at her sharply, but had no response.
“I killed my brother,” Jeanette whispered, her voice a finger of ice on Enjolras’ spine, “He was trying to kill Leannan, and he had always been… He deserved it.”
“You think Phineas deserves to die?” Enjolras asked, almost hoping Jeanette wouldn’t answer.
“They destroyed hundreds of people’s homes. Their livelihoods. Who knows how many died. Not even to escape – they could have done that without setting the fire. They were making a point.”
Enjolras closed her eyes, a childhood threat coming to mind.
“If I can’t have it, no one can.”
~~~
The whole group woke up properly not long later, and the teenagers rejoined from their chores. Leannan and Jeanette, who felt well enough to walk a bit as long as she could lean on Enjolras, were shown briefly around the Longhouse. The common room stood at one end, while the rest of the building was made up of rooms connected by a long hallway – mostly bedrooms. At the opposite end was a cinderblock addition of a bathhouse, with toilet and shower stalls.
The next mission was breakfast. Their group left the Longhouse and walked towards another building, an age-old one that stood blocky and concrete – but as they walked around it on a path, the other side was revealed: a massive, convex curve of glass windows, looking westward over an open field of wildflowers cross-crossed with walking paths, and to beyond that, the southwest-side waterfall. Horseshoe Falls, Enjolras informed Leannan and Jeanette. The northwest one was American Falls. Weathered signage dubbed the building the Top of the Falls Restaurant.
They entered the building into a large room outfitted as another common space; couches, a pool table, a blinking arcade cabinet. The children dashed forward and up a flight of stairs, followed by most of the adults, while Enjolras lead Jeanette and Leannan to an elevator.
Upstairs was a massive room, dotted with columns, the whole west wall an arc of glass windows. The room was filled with tables and chairs, and at the center was a large rounded counter set up as a buffet. The fare was plentiful: scrambled eggs, cheeses, salad, summer fruits and berries such as strawberries and peaches, and rolls of bread. There were pitchers of water, milk, and fruit juice as well. Leannan and Jeanette followed the lead of everyone else, grabbing a plate at one end and filling it as they shuffled along.
The Iowans hovered about, watching Leannan as he stepped away from the buffet with a full plate – they all wanted to sit near him. Leannan balked a bit, looking around with uncertainty, so Enjolras took his elbow and guided him to a table by the windows.
Finally seated, the group settled into a comfortable chatter as they ate. The teenagers reintroduced themselves to Leannan, and he marveled at how they were only yea high when he last saw them. He met the three new children, Callum and Siobhan’s brood, ages five, seven, and nine. Peter and Rory started listing all the things and places they needed to show Leannan – the playground, the chickens, the goats, the different places to look at the waterfalls, the arcade cabinet.
Then Mohammad arrived, with the baby.
He stood awkwardly at the top of the stairs, one hand on Lena where she rested in her sling, desperately trying to catch Shannon and Enjolras’ eyes. They spotted him at the same time, and Shannon stood and clapped her hands.
“Okay, everyone! Let’s let Leannan have some peace and quiet for a bit, yeah? I know you all have chores to do.”
The teens started to argue that they certainly did not, but a quiet word from Clary had them gathering their empty plates and telling Leannan they’d see him later.
Soon it was just Shannon, Leannan, Jeanette, and Enjolras sitting at their table, and Mohammad slowly walked over.
Leannan turned as he heard someone approach, and Enjolras couldn’t quite read his expression. Stifled curiosity, maybe, or suspicion buried under polite neutrality.
“Hi, Leannan,” Mohammad offered a hand, “I’m Mohammad, I’ve heard so much about you.”
“I uh,” Mohammad smiled nervously, “I’m Shannon’s husband. And this is our little Lena. Say hi, Lena!”
He leaned down slightly so the baby could see Leannan, and she obediently flapped an arm.
“She’s named after you, actually,” Mohammad added.
Leannan’s smile was stiff as his eyes flicked from the baby, to Shannon, to Mohammad.
“You’re not an Iowan,” he said.
“No, I’m not,” Mohammad confirmed.
Leannan’s gaze circled the group again, faster this time.
“So how…?”
Enjolras could see the gears turning in his head. He’d been raised on the idea that Iowans weren’t human, that they could only procreate with each other – and now, he was trying to come up with an explanation for Lena that didn’t involve his sister being a cheater.
“Leannan,” Shannon reached across the table and took his hand, “They lied to us, in Iowa City. Father Ambrose lied to us. We’re not incompatible with humans. Because we’re not inhuman.”
“But then…” Leannan started, “But I…” he stopped, glancing back at Mohammad.
Enjolras stood, pushing her chair back.
“Leannan,” she said, “Let’s take a walk.”
~~~
The stone tiles of the observation point were damp with mist beneath their feet. Enjolras leaned against the sturdy metal railing, and Leannan did the same, watching her. The waterfall in front of them rumbled comfortingly. The lone ruin of a skyscraper across the river stood stark against the sky.
“Leannan,” Enjolras spoke for the first time since leaving the restaurant on the hill behind them, “Before they sold you, did they tell you that something was wrong with you. That something needed to be fixed, and you couldn’t ever tell anyone because it would ruin your value.”
Leannan was shaking his head before she even finished speaking.
“No, of course not,” he said, a little too quickly.
Enjolras sucked in a slow breath.
“I know they did. They got Owen, too. They weren’t fixing anything, Leannan, they performed something called a vasectomy. Do you know what that is?”
Leannan slowly shook his head.
“They sterilized you, Leannan,” Enjolras said gently, “You used to be able to have children, with anyone, human or Iowan, and they took that away from you.”
“That’s insane,” Leannan said, looking away from her out over the falls.
“Everyone younger than you and Owen – we rescued them before they could be sterilized, too,” Enjolras continued, “That’s how Shannon can have a baby with a non-Iowan. And, just think about it, Leannan,” she turned to face him, gesturing with her hands, “There are so few of you, how do you think they avoided inbreeding?”
“Our pairings were planned,” Leannan tried to argue, “God had a plan…”
“No, Leannan, Ambrose would let his priests…” Enjolras took a breath, unable to continue piling horrors upon Leannan. She changed course. “It’s true that you have a genetic mutation. Your blood is the color that it is, and you really are immune to most diseases and infections. But that doesn’t make you inhuman. The fallen angel is made up. The pain resilience is made up. You’re just as human as I am, Leannan. You were lied to. Not even that thing you wear around your neck is real, it’s the company’s logo, not a religious symbol.”
Leannan instinctively grabbed the gold pendant. A tiny five-pointed star with feathered wings.
“Company?” he echoed.
“ComLock Logistics,” Enjolras said, “They were trying to create supersoldiers, before the Fall. They figured out how to sequence resistance to disease, but nothing else – and decided they could make money a different way. When they saw the tide of religion moving across the continent, they adapted. Put on a show. The ‘nuns’ and ‘priests’ training you? ‘Father’ Ambrose? I doubt any of them truly believed in God. They were there to make a profit, and they did. They lived in unbelievable luxury.”
Leannan stared silently at the rushing water. Enjolras lifted a hand, about to touch his shoulder, but dropped it.
“I’ll just let you… think, for a while, okay?” She tilted her head, trying to catch his gaze. “Meet me back at the Longhouse common room when you’re ready?”
Leannan didn’t look at her.
“Okay.”
~~~
The roar of the falls was helpful. It drowned out Leannan’s thoughts – or at least made them slow down. Because he knew he needed to think through it, whether he liked it or not.
Everything Enjolras had said prior to this had turned out to be true. If she was right, it would explain Lena. It would explain his mysterious defect, the secret surgery.
But it would destroy so, so much more.
Iowans were made to do incredible things, things that humans shouldn’t. It would be horrifying for a human to be owned, to be used for sex their whole adult life. It would be cruel. Humans weren’t made to withstand that.
But if Iowans were human too, then…
Leannan pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, the rush of blood in his ears joining the thunder of the falls. A new thought crept in.
He’d always suspected he didn’t have the pain tolerance he was supposed to.
Everything hurt so much.
Everything had been so difficult.
He’d tried so hard, under the assumption that he had been made for this life. Under the assumption that he had been made to be hurt, to be fucked, to be owned.
If that assumption was wrong, then all of it had been wrong.
He had been wronged.
Hot tears welled up under his hands.
He’d always found comfort in the idea that he was a divine, holy being. All the dirty things done to him could never take that away, could never tarnish his spirit. But if he was human, that divinity was fake. Forged. If he was human, surely his spirit was in dirty shreds at this point.
None of this would have happened if he had just found a kind master and stayed with them.
(But if he had been human the whole time, that wouldn’t have been right either.)
He dropped to his knees with a sob, pressing his forehead to the metal bars of the railing.
“Is this real?” he asked tearfully, “Is she right?”
I’ve got a doctor’s appointment next week to talk about getting my fallopian tubes removed and (ideally) my endometrial lining obliterated, and I’m so nervous so good vibes would be appreciated. This is also the first time I have to talk to a doctor about something I might get pushback on so in this case advice would be appreciated. I’ve always had good experiences with this doctor but doctors being open to doing sterilization surgery on mid-twenties-year-olds seems to be the exception rather than the rule.
Related question: so many doctors seem to dismiss so many medical concerns, especially when those concerns belong to women. Why do these people go to medical school if they’re not actually interested in helping people?
i will forever believe that sirius latched onto harry as strongly as he did because he would never have kids of his own (blood adoption as soon as he was born is one of my guilt fav tropes, even if it doesn’t have any basis lol) so harry was,,,his child. however, i got to thinking about it and now i’m on the side that maybe he *couldnt* have kids because walburga cursed him to be infertile so he wouldn’t pollute the House of Black further with his antics. which brings a whole new dimension to ‘won’t have kids of his own’ other than ‘i want this line to die with me’. i also think maybe that’s what finally caused him to run away in. i fully think the trigger was an attempted death eater initiation (5th/6th year makes sense since that’s when the baby death eaters start cropping up), sirius fighting it as hard as he could (letting slip his real opinions on the whole issue), and walburga snapping and deciding ‘this is it. i’ve tried my hardest to bring this child in line but not anymore.’
i’m sure there’s tons of ways this doesn’t make sense (i’ve given up on canon altogether) but yeah. gives him an even angstier backstory, plus makes more sense why james+lily wouldn’t be annoyed at him basically becoming a third parent (bc that’s what he would’ve been regardless of them dying or azkaban or anything) because they *get it*.
Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh, I love this!!! So, spoiler alert for one of my upcoming fics, but my personal take on this is that all Azkaban prisoners are sterilized before their prison sentence starts. I don't know why! It doesn't make any sense, since no one ever escapes from Azkaban! Nonetheless, that's what I'm going with. But the idea of Walburga being the one to do it? Omg, I love this dimension to his character. And yeah, I love Sirius blood adopting Harry! Again, a spoiler for a (different) upcoming fic is that he does the blood adoption as soon as he's freed in POA, but I also love the idea of him doing it when Harry is born and basically becoming a third parent. And of course James and Lily won't mind! Sirius is so, so important to all of them.
it is very good that your doctors were willing to respect your choice of getting your tubes cut, i know a lot of women who were rejected because their doctors told them they were either too young to have it done (mind you, if you are in your late 20s or early 20s and you decide you dont want kids at all thats something that should be respected regardless) or they said they straight up would not do the procedure.
For me I had 3 things in my favor!
1: Being trans, so making myself unable to get pregnant could be considered gender affirming care.
2: Health history. Ovarian cancer runs in one side of my family and problems with cysts run in the other. Removing the entire tube of each ovary reduces my cancer risk while leaving hormone production intact.
3: a lot of gynos are now more willing to hear patients out to try and rush procedures because people are scared right now. Times are uncertain and with abortions becoming harder to access so these doctors are talking to eachother and are listening to their patients more. At least for some of them there are those who are much more willing to perform sterilizations now.
The main thing really is to to advocate for yourself and to bring someone with you to advocate for you if you need the help. If you absolutely can't get a doctor to budge then I can only recommend trying to find a different one. Sometimes that's just what you gotta do unfortunately.
actually that post made it really hit me that holy fuck i actually am sterilized now and i'm gonna talk about it a little under a cut
This is the first time since the surgery I've sat down and talked about it and part of me was worried I would regret it. But all I really feel is a huge weight and fear off my shoulders.
My own medical issues (especially with what they found when they were in there) actually means a pregnancy would have been difficult if it ever did end up taking for one. But I just.. I have way too much going on to ever want to pass that on to a kid. Taking care of myself and looking out for a partner and pets and things like that is enough for me. and with the current political climate the idea of potentially ever being forced to carry a child has been a huge fear of mine.
So there's just.. a lightness in my chest now that there can't be a whoops. Or there can't be something forced on me in that way.
And there's a also a sense of vindication because i have been saying since i was a small child that I did not want to have kids and everyone always said I would change my mind. I remember in fucking middle school there was a game the TEACHERS made us play to try and map a potential life for ourselves. And they told us everyone had to roll a die to determine how many kids they'd have. I argued that I'd never have kids. And the teacher in charge argued with me that thing happen outside of our control and that I had to roll the dice. Which is so fucked if you think of the implications of it. She forced me to roll that die and ended up with I think 4 kids or something absurd like that. Any number is absurd when you've already told them you want none.
So here I am, 32 on the cusp of 33 and I've just had both my tubes removed. I never had any children. I will never birth any children of my own. That was my choice to make, everyone with a uterus should be able to make that choice for themself.
Ya know, it was surprisingly easy to get a referral for a hysterectomy at my doctor’s. We will see if it’s easy all the way through, but the gyno said he’d put one in !!!
