#d.i.d. experience

[ivebeenmade]

Melanie

She's an 8-9 year old. She was there for a rape. She saved me. But she grew to resent me. It was the worst of what could happen, for reasons I'm too worn out to elaborate on.

She killed herself, but existed, completely sentient in a graveyard, haunting me. But now she is out, and showing her resentment full force.

[ivebeenmade]

[ivebeenmade]

Myling (prounouce "mew-leeng")

A new alter. It us the one that screams in my head

It is an abandoned child and translates to "murderous child"

[ivebeenmade]

Somebody greets me enthusiastically and I have to have a meeting with everyone on who knows them and what we did

[ivebeenmade]

Meditation space

Built Magni's house today. I don't know why I haven't done that for everyone but I can see them well on their way.

Magni's house is cool and monochromatic. It is all hard metals and firm surfaces. There's so many stairs. And so so many rooms.

From his house I discovered something in our system that I only now understand a little. A graveyard you can see from a window. It's not dark and creepy. You can feel that there are children there, maybe only children. It is bright and sunny, huge vines and leaves surround it. They part when you approach.

I walked to it.

For a moment I saw through the eyes of one buried there. Clear, like the memories I've had lately I saw the rest of a memory I've barely ever been able to grasp. One of the encounters with P. The things she made me do. It felt like a slap in the face. I need to visit again, I felt it, and I felt Magni screaming at me not to. But he let me go. He understands.

I don't know what else to say. Feel a little exhausted but that's not an option, not with this in my head.

Yes, I can get into my watery dream house again. It needs touching up. Again.

[ivebeenmade]

Had a flashback last night and this morning. They're getting more detailed. I know I will remember what happened soon. *I know* what happened but I will *remember* soon.

[ivebeenmade]

Story time:

Yesterday an older gentleman comes in. He buys 1 thing, a 12 pack of soda. Then he proceeds to talk for 5 minutes about how his brother has 2 types of cancer and he's had heart attacks. Then he laughs and says "doc wants me to quit drinking my pepsis but I never will!"

My coworker after: was that a side quest?

Me: maybe just a knowledge based one, we've gained experience points.

Then I had a paranoid delusion about what reality I'm in while I straightened out the chip aisle.

[ivebeenmade]

You need to feel. You've been a dead girl a very long time. You need to wake up and feel. You're not tired, you're numb. You're dead and you need to wake up.

If knowing is what it takes then that's what it takes. I was there ok? I was there and IT'S OK. I was with you. I felt it. It was so bad. It was. It was so bad and everything you suspect is so right. If that's what it takes then I'm telling you it happened. I love you. I love us. I love living. Please be alive. Feel things again.

It was so bad but it can be so good. You have so much good happening to you. So much life to live.

We are all so young still.

Please.

Stop letting this kill you.

Cry. Scream. But laugh. Let us love and feel it all.

I was there. I know.

~love magni