There's things this week that I'm not prepared to speak about. Even though I probably should. So let's just say I learned a few things. The most important? I have to stand up for myself. Not just against rudeness, bad attitudes, inequality in the work place (actually seem to be more of an authority at my job than I had realized) but stand up for myself as a person and the needs I have.
Not only can't I expect others to check in, or always see when they ask just a little too much. Especially not when I'm generally the "let me help out" kind of person most of the time.
The big thing though? I've been through character assassination, emotional abandonment, and the kind of manipulation that if you don't listen close and, well, fight, you might start believing the bullshit. You might lose the will sometimes, and when you do you might just let someone win, tell you who are, and tell everyone what you sure as shit didn't do.
Yeah we're being vague. But this is a journal, and I'll know what I mean.
There are still problems to fix. After the way the last few days went, I'm walking around with a great weight on me. Which at least explains for now why every single motherfucker I see at work today is high-key pissing me off just existing.
A good portion of patrons in this place could easily piss me off in much worse ways, but I walked in and clocked in and everyone already had a big ass X on their foreheads.
