#d518

[soldierboys]

one gifset per episode: 5.18 the point of no return

[ebjkk]

030718

[shizuos]

imagine that on the night that shizuo died, izaya was in a huge meeting so he couldn't answer his phone and it kept just being put through to voicemail and he just kept thinking 'i'm going to kill shinra.' and he spends all night in that meeting to finally get an outcome he's satisfied with and when he leaves, he's so pleased with himself that he's skipping when he finally answers his phone. and then he feels his interest pique at seeing over 20 missed calls and he just thinks "...? wow, shinra really has something urgent." and then he sees a few are from kasuka and he instantly knows something is wrong because kasuka hates him and would never call him.

so he listens to the first voicemail (they're all from shinra): izaya... just... i'm sorry.

he's confused, but keeps listening to the second and third and fourth.

izaya! i swear, seriously, pick up! where are you?! what's more important than this?!

it's not looking good... the doctor's gave us an update and... it's just... it's not good. come quickly.

izaya, shizuo got in an accident--

he doesn't even finish listening to it and he's sprinting towards the hospital. his face is pale and his lungs feel like they're going to burst, but he doesn't stop until he's found them, after having run around the hospital, looking extremely disorganized and unkempt for orihara izaya. he finds celty and shinra and kasuka sitting in the waiting room and they all look grim (even he can tell celty's shadows are unhappy) and his heart falls. he doesn't even ask and when the doctor comes out, he doesn't ask if he's orihara izaya. he knows he's orihara izaya and he shakes his head at would you like to see him? and leaves without another word.

izaya was so wrapped up with his meeting that not only was he not there for shizuo when he was fighting to live, but he also wasn't there for when he took his last breath.

izaya's quiet at the funeral, which is a few weeks later. he's been holed up in his apartment since and shinra promises namie extra pay from his own pocket if she makes sure he's alive. she's the one who makes sure he goes to the funeral. and she's the one who, on a daily basis, makes sure he eats enough to stay alive.

but at the funeral, he's so quiet and so pale. so white and so sullen.

until you talk to him.

when someone speaks to him, izaya looks something close to how he always does. he gives a very pretty smile. he says very pretty words. he gives a very firm handshake. he seems so very fine. he nods. he appreciates. he acts like he isn't the lover of the deceased. shinra is worried. celty is worried. even namie shows a flicker of concern.

and then after the funeral, izaya is an absolute mess.

but not in the way of drugs and alcohol. his office is as clean as ever. in fact, it's cleaner. namie arrives for work and wonders why it's even more spotless, but it's not a big enough concern to call shinra. speaking of shinra, he's amazed that izaya still comes over once in a while, delivers some jolly news (well, jolly for him.) but what alarms him the most is all the bruises and cuts and blood over him. and after a few weeks of going to shinra's, he gets annoyed with his lectures and just goes back to his apartments. trusts namie knows enough to not kill him by accident.

that meeting that seems so stupid now had a result that was supposed to cement izaya's status and protect him. but he hasn't been keeping up his deal of the bargain and so night after night, he comes home, beat up from whoever tried to kill him that night. izaya doesn't die, but he looks close to it. namie knows that it would be more than easy for izaya to stay out of their sights. he has no reason to go out. it seems as if he's going out just to get hurt.

she realizes he is going out just to get hurt.

one night, shinra's on speaker phone as namie bandages up a pretty big gash on izaya's leg, is careful but not in the way to care about pain as she cleans it with antiseptic. she looks emotionless and izaya is teasing her about it but his voice cracks and he's quiet and she actually looks up in surprise. but she doesn't make a dry insult out of it regarding him going through puberty and finally growing up.

shinra has been quiet on the phone the entire time.

"...izaya."

izaya gives his laugh. "hmm?"

"...do you think shizuo would approve?"

"shizu-chan doesn't approve of half of what i do..."

namie and shinra freeze. he used the present tense. he used the present tense, indicating that shizuo is alive.

"he's dead," namie says softly after a beat of silence, hand stilling.

"my my, namie-san... of all the absolutely atrocious things you could say... now, imagine if i were to say your dear seiji-kun has passed--"

"you went to his funeral," she interrupts and looks up. "he's dead, izaya. you paid the florist for weekly deliveries to the cemetery--"

"perhaps i am doing a good deed?"

"you don't do good deeds."

"you have such little--"

"izaya. shizuo is dead."

it's shinra's voice that seems to get through to him. which makes sense. yagiri namie is izaya's secretary. but kishitani shinra is his friend. his only friend.

izaya is silent and he's technically looking at namie, but he's staring right through her.

shinra repeats his words.

izaya echoes them after several seconds.

namie sees his eyes start to waver and stands, murmurs 'ten minutes' and disappears because although she hates izaya with every fiber of her being, as a fellow human who knows what it's like to love, she will grant him the privacy to break down without anyone watching.

[alaskanguy2013]

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