Day something of lockdown because who really cares
My brain is such a fucking mess
Lockdown, my mind, myself just everything atm
For the past 2 or 3 days I've felt like this. It's been on and off of course but I just feel so depressed and lately, insecure
As someone that's helped so many people feeling down, I know that their issues arent a burden but it feels like it to me and it feels like I just annoy people. How long until they drift away because I'm just a needy, attention seeking bitch? I'm just paranoid. I'm so unbelievably scared that I'm not treating people right and that I'm trying to hard to hold onto a connection that's not there. What if the person I'm talking to realises that my friend is less goddamn depressing than me and that they can actually have fun with them rather than talk to me who is either depressed, busy or just says the generic bullshit like "I love you" and compliments. I'm just scared that people dont like me and that, deep down, I'm just boring them. I cant make or keep a fucking conversation because I get insecure and panic. And it always just comes down to me being a bitch
Nothing is entertaining and everything is just boring to me. My future dream? Oh how fun. Going back to college? For what? Getting to love life with my boyfriend? Well how long until he gets bored of you because you're a generic, boring shitbag.
And everyday is the fucking same. I'm bored of it
Even when its different it's still the same
I see people enjoying themselves while I'm doing work and I get emotional
I just want everything to go back to how it was
I domt know who's really gonna read this and honestly I dont feel mich better even after venting but fuck it