Just You
Pairing: Astarion x Teresta [my drow pc]
Fandom: Baldur's Gate 3
Summary:
There's a distance in his eyes whenever they're together sexually. It dampens moods and Teresta just wants Astarion to be comfortable.
[AO3 Link]
"We don't have to do this." Teresta grips the linen of Astarion's shirt, using it to gently push him away. He frowns. The ends of his mouth deep, marring his features near a scowl. "You don't want to. And I don't want you to do something you're uncomfortable with."
Astarion's hands find the ground on either side of Teresta's waist. He frowns in return. That wary look sits in his eyes, shining, watching him. It fades into the practiced facade. A curling smile that doesn't reach his eyes. The dirt moves under his palms when he pushes to sit back on his heels. His arms cross.
"Here it sounds like you don't want me."
Teresta lets go of Astarion's shirt and leans back with his hands behind him. Eyes falling shut, he sighs heavily. "Far from it. I'd have thought that was evident since you first bit me."
He shakes his head before looking at the vampire again. He can see the curling smile fading into something almost defensive.
"We've been through a lot already. I enjoy your company. And as much as I crave you, crave this." Teresta gestures to their half dressed states. "I would rather you be excited to do it, instead of missing. You've always been… not here entirely, since the first time. I want you to only do what you want. I'm not stupid, Astarion."
Astarion is silent for a long moment. Then another. His hands grasp at air for something. They settle on his legs, tight and gripping the leather across his thigh. Red searches across the words, across his face, looking for anything, deception maybe.
It wouldn't be a surprise if that was the case after learning what he'd been through. The torment of two hundred years was hard to wipe away in only a few months. And with Cazador still ahead and the tadpoles to deal with… Teresta wanted to help Astarion, not hurt him further.
"You really mean that," Astarion speaks, his voice softer than a whisper. "Don't you?"
Teresta starts to reach with his hand towards Astarion's face, stopping, fingers curling into his palm as he thinks better of it. His hand merely sits in the air between them before Astarion wraps his own fingers around it. Both hands squeeze Teresta's one. "I’ve never lied to you. I’m not about to start.”
Squeezing Astarion’s hands back, Teresta sits himself up, pulling his legs from beneath Astarion and crossing them together. He watches their hands. Trails along the veins going up pale arms. Subtle scars in skin from years of use and abuse. His own hands had plenty to match even with no memories to claim them.
“If you don’t want this, that’s fine. I just…” Teresta fills the silence between them. A thick feeling in the air that reminds him too much of the headaches he wakes up with each day. “You mean more..I want you. Not…” He fumbles with the words. What could he say really? It had grown past merely lust ages ago, but he hadn’t wanted to press it, hadn’t thought that it would come up really. Not until tonight. Not until Astarion looked far away when their eyes were meeting. A distance that only seemed to pervade during each of these encounters.
Through the words and the silence, Astarion remains quiet. Motionless save for the twitch of his thumb across Teresta’s palm.
An ache crawls into Teresta’s chest. Heavy, frigid. Air refuses to come in with it sitting there. “What do you want?” Words a whisper. Eyes remain on their hands, refusing to accept what would assuredly be a denial. He’d never been good with words, never been good at this feeling thing… But Astarion was… Well, he was Astarion.
“Me? What do any of us want,” Astarion lets his hands fall to the wayside, coming to a rest beside his body. He doesn’t look at Teresta, instead looks back off towards the dim light of the camp. “I just… I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what I want.”
Moving back off his legs, Astarion sits on the ground fully. Hands in his lap, he taps his thumbs over one another. “I know I don’t want to be looked at in term of sex… Not by you. Not by anyone.”
Teresta takes in a cautious breath. He presses his hands into the dirt, trying to ground himself back to the present, to the conversation; trying not to give in to a stupid panic that he hadn’t had in over forty years. “How do you want me to see you?”
Their eyes meet. Scouring of expressions, looking for the thoughts of the other.
“As a person? Would that be so much to ask?”
The questions sit there between them. The trees hold their breath as the dark waits for a reply.
Teresta starts to say something, tries to. His mouth hangs there. The words don’t come out, won’t come out, refuse to be spoken. So he says nothing, instead opening his mind to Astarion.
There’s a lingering hesitation before their minds merge. Astarion frowns, feeling everything and seeing it from the drow’s view. Warmth. The small smiles from snide comments. An overwhelming urge to… hold his hand?
The link breaks.
Teresta is looking to the trees. The woods look back in anticipation.
“Teresta.” Spoken softly, gentle as a breeze. A hand reaching out, leaned forward and grabbing his hand. A squeeze to bring his attention back.
Astarion smiles and it’s warm, surprised. A dancing kind of excitement sits behind his eyes. Almost childish. “You are just full of surprise aren’t you?”
Squeezing his hand back, Teresta smiles back.
“Honestly, I have no idea what we’re doing. Or what comes next.” Astarion leans in, brows furrowed, expression the softest its ever been. “But I know that this. What you shared. What we share. This is nice.”
The air seems to come back all at once. The wind rustles past. Branches creak overhead. It feels lighter, if only for the moment.
“We take this at your pace.” Teresta leans further forward. He presses his forehead to Astarion’s. “I’m just glad to be a part of… well, whatever this is. Wherever it goes.”
"As am I, Darling. As am I."
