Okay so my heart is ruined because I played Joseph’s route and got the bad ending for Amanda and y’all...that is my darkest playthrough.
So I had to write about it because it broke me, and Damien is my favorite dad so why not.
So without further adieu....the fic that nobody asked for!
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It’s all gonna be okay…
It’s all gonna be okay…
It’s all gonna be okay…
It’s all gonna…it’s not okay…
Louis sank to the couch. Amanda’s been gone for two months now. He hoped she was happy. She was happier than he was. After the graduation party, everybody fell back into their normal lives in the cul-de-sac. No one noticed the way he cleaned the remains of the party fighting back tears and repeating Alex’s words as a way to keep going, mostly likely they thought Amanda would stay back to help him. She left him, she kissed him on the head and said she loved him, but when she came back she didn’t talk to him, and they only exchanged one-word greetings in the morning. He knew their relationship changed when he was watching Masterchef, and she kept walking.
He told her the day she moved into her dorm that he loved her, she rolled her eyes and smiled and told him that she was going to be okay and that she was going to call him later.
He was still waiting for the call.
He wasn’t sure when watching TV became boring, or when exactly he stopped giving a damn about the way his hair looked. He always tried to at least tie it in a ponytail, but it was too much effort. He wore the same outfit for days now, the same gray sweatpants and white t-shirt stained with coffee. He wondered why even getting out of bed made him so tired, if he ever got up at all.
He left the house even less than before Amanda went away. The sunlight made him hurt because he wanted to go out and pet the dogs and drink coffee like before, but his bones ached and so he closed the curtains and cried. The mail came, but it stayed right where it landed when the mailman arrived. He checked his phone to see if maybe Amanda texted him. The last message she sent was “fine” when he asked her if she was alright. He hadn’t seen any of the other dads since the party, maybe they forgot about him, he wanted them to care but then he didn’t. There was an invite to yet another barbeque at Joseph’s house, but he couldn’t bring himself to go there and socialize and pretend everything was fine. Even worse, he didn’t want to hear everyone asking him if he was alright, if he needed anything, because then he would probably break down right there and that wasn’t right to Joseph. He ate, but then he ran out of bread, and then ham, and then after that he was reduced to eating cheese slices with mayo on it with a glass of water. He told himself to get dressed and to go to the supermarket but he couldn’t let anyone see him like that. He didn’t want everyone to know that he was hurting.
He was flipping through the channels, not actually watching television when he heard a knock on the door. He muted the television and hoped that maybe it was just a business rep. They knocked again and Louis groaned, he just wanted to be left as he was, alone.
“Louis, are you there? I heard the TV.”
It was Damien.
Louis placed his face in his hands. Of all the people, why did it have to be him?
Just go away…
Another knock.
Please go away…
“Louis please open the door.”
Louis rolled his eyes and got up from the couch. He took a deep breath and opened the door. There Damien was, pushing his glasses up and standing in his doorway dressed…pretty normal actually. He must have had work.
“Damien, listen, I don’t feel very well…”
“I know Louis. I came over to help you around the house. Nobody’s seen you in two weeks and we were… Well I was worried, to say the least.”
“I appreciate the concern but I’ll be alright.”
“Forgive me, but I don’t think you are.”
Even though he’s just settled into the cul-de-sac, Damien, and even Robert have proven to be his closest friends, Damien, however, has a special place in his heart. Said man cleared his throat and stepped inside of the house, closing the door behind him.
“I don’t want the others to invade your privacy.”
Louis wanted him to leave and to stop being so nice to him. He wanted him to leave him alone like Amanda did, like Alex did. Damien placed his hands on his hips and looked around.
“Oh dear, this won’t do. Why don’t you rest up and I’ll tidy up a bit?”
Immediately, Louis shook his head. No, just go away please, please I don’t want to be around other people. If Damien saw the apprehension in his eyes, Louis didn’t notice. All he felt was the soft skin of the man’s hand around his own. It took Louis everything to look up into those dark eyes and not fill his head with imaginary guilt and self-pity. Damien wouldn’t treat him like that. It was that smile that caused Louis to cave.
“I’m…I’m tired, Damien…”
“Fear not, I’ll handle everything. I do not mind one bit if you slept.”
Louis was angry that Damien was taking the time out of his busy day to check on him and clean his house of all things, Louis was known for his spotlessness! But then the anger melted and seeped into his chest and ached because he missed having people care for him and his wellbeing, not like he ever really had that, besides Alex and Amanda. He nodded and walked to the coat rack to take the keys out of his pocket. He gave it to Damien and offered what he was sure was a horrible smile and trudged up the stairs to his room. He tried not to look at Amanda’s across the hall from him. When he got settled he heard Damien fussing and the sound of pots and pans and dishes being cleaned. He went to bed feeling like he carried the world on his shoulders.
When he woke up, Damien was setting a tray down on his nightstand. Louis yawned and the man looked at him with a warm smile on his face.
“My apologies if I woke you, Louis. I’ve finished tidying the house, I am most grateful that your home is much smaller than mine, however. I also went to the market to purchase a few items of food and I took it upon myself to prepare you a soup. I know that you are in fact a meat eater and I pondered the thought to make you chicken noodle soup, but my specialty is with vegetarian dishes and so I made you a bowl of butternut squash soup. I hope you enjoy it! And if you don’t feel like eating that’s alright, I’ll simply store it in your icebox.”
Louis’ eyes watered because it had been so long since anyone took such effort to make him feel better. He smiled and moved to sit up. It was hard to get the initial sip down, but it was delicious and he had finally felt the urge to eat again, and its warmth spread through his neck and traveled all over his body.
“What about Lucien?”
Damien waved him off.
“Oh, my son is quite the busybody. He’s out with friends and I believe that he is staying the night at Hugo’s house. It’s nice that he is spending quality time with his friends.”
Damien always spoke of his son with such fondness, even when Lucien was being a complete and utter shit-stain. It reminded him of the way he could spend hours fawning over Amanda. He even beat Brian in the brag-off because he was so proud of her! She probably didn’t even think about him now that she was learning how to be an adult, as she put it. If he wasn’t so hard on her the night she didn’t respond to his texts, if he just admitted that he was wrong for being so overprotective of her instead of telling her that he was scared because of the last time a loved one failed to come home, if only he let her curse!
He didn’t even realize he was crying into the soup until he felt Damien’s gentle hands pry the bowl away. He joined him on the bed and held him tight.
“What’s the matter, Louis? After the barbeque, and after Amanda went away, you did too.”
He couldn’t take it. The way Damien embraced him and asked him in such a kind voice, it broke every defense he was fighting to maintain. He sobbed onto the man’s purple IT shirt.
“I feel so alone! Amanda left me and told me that it was best if she kept her distance from me, and I wanted to tell her so bad that I need her! I need her because I don’t have her father anymore and I miss him so much it hurts to breathe! I miss them both so much, Damien…I miss Alex, and my Manda Panda… I never got to tell him bye, that I loved him with all my heart! The last time I saw him I told him that he could kiss me when he came back! I waited for hours for him and the only knock that night came from the police! If only I hadn’t insisted he get that stupid paint! If only I went with him! She’s all I have left in this world and now she’s gone from me too!”
That was all he could get out before he became incomprehensible through his tears. He felt his lips kiss the top of his messy, dirty hair, and whisper soothing words in his ear.
“I know Louis and I’m sorry this has happened to you. My door is always open for you, you know that. Say the words and I’ll spend the night here with you. My sincerest apologies for making you think that you were so alone, because you are not, you are loved and I am here.”
Louis clutched onto his shirt as if he too would vanish and leave him to the company of his thoughts. He didn’t like that idea so much.
“There’s nothing I can tell you in this moment to help you feel better. It hurts now, I know, but we have to keep going, to keep his memory alive and show that you are as strong and as brave as he knew you were. Amanda is still adjusting to college, Louis, she’ll reach out to you, if not then I’ll call her myself and tell her how you feel. It’s okay Louis…
It's all going to be okay…”
It’s all gonna be okay..
It’s all gonna be okay...
It’s all gonna be okay…
I will be okay..,
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Although Louis (Loo-wee) wasn’t the dad I used to romance Joseph (Louis was used to romance Damien and the dad for Joseph was Jayden a male version of myself) I wanted to use him because I just love him and Damien together.
