Birthday fic
Dear @kittyboo8015,
It’s your birthday (well, here in Central Europe it is already :D) and @zedsdead1001 and myself want to wish you all the best in this world! Happy birthday - we hope you have an awesome day! You are a wonderful human being and we are very happy to have you around.
Don’t let life get in your way or drag you down <3
Since you are so in love with the new Imagine Dragons album (which Zed and I love, too) I got inspired for a fic... so I asked one of my favourite authors if they’d be up to write something together with me (which I’m really honored about O_O) and together we worked on the details.
And here we are... a modern au fic, heavily inspired by Imagine Dragons lyrics.
Dancing in the Dark
Erwin ~ myself Levi ~ @zedsdead1001
Read it on AO3
~~~
Letter 1
It was the worst day this year so far.
Flight missed due to heavy flooding. Laptop dropped and shattered as they ran and tried to catch the flight (and yet missed it). Mobile locked because Hanji had tried to unlock it while they were waiting for their next flight home. She had taken the opportunity when Erwin had excused himself to the bathroom and of course failed to enter the correct code. Now Erwin would need to find the shitty backup code when he would be back home.
There was no way to contact Levi, inform him about his delay. Erwin felt like shit and just wanted to be home. The tournament was good, especially if one considers that he and Hanji were above 30 now and their competitors were in their mid twenties.
Yet, he just wanted to be with Levi, wanted to be home.
Home was another place than what 99% of the people in Erwin's life assumed it was. It was not the spacious, expensive, luxury penthouse flat with a roof terrace that provided a view on the canals of Amsterdam – paid by his agency.
His real home was a cosy, lovely furnished 3 bedroom flat in one of the side roads near the city centre. A place that he and Levi had chosen carefully three years ago when they had their second anniversary, an anniversary that nobody was aware of besides the two men themselves.
Their relationship was a secret. Not because they were ashamed or wouldn't want to make it official, but their careers made it quite difficult.
Professional dancing was quite a rough place. Knowing the right people, playing the right cards and playing the role that society expected were more important than talent. Talent was the base, everything else was personality, character and looks. It sucked but they were both so deep into it and they both loved dancing from the bottom of their hearts.
When they were younger they both danced for fun, each on their own. Their talent got discovered and in Erwin's late teens he started to participate in tournaments. This was also when he and Levi met for the first time.
Erwin was well educated and spoke English way above the average German teenager in his age group – and yet, Levi would mock him about it. There was this competitive atmosphere – fuelled by their trainers, by the press and later on by the agencies that would dictate a great deal of their lives.
Since Erwin was a few years older than the absolutely talented Levi, he was the one that kept a cool head until the end and led him and Hanji to victory. This went on for a few years – each encounter heating up the rivalry between them more. Sometimes Levi and Petra would win, sometimes Erwin and Hanji would claim the title.
Erwin's biggest talent was the waltz and he would specialise on the ballroom dances while Levi clearly had the fire for the Latin American dances, so they didn't see each other again on tournaments in the next years. At least they didn't see each other in the flesh – but it was very rare that they missed the live stream of the tournament of the other. They both knew about the talent the other one had and they were of course curious about their development.
It was six years ago when they met again. Two dance events were held in Amsterdam at the same time and the after show parties for both events got combined. Rivals, both established in their field of dancing, both men in their 20s now, actually talked to one another, complimenting the success of the other. The chatter got interrupted by agents that wouldn't want them to be seen together – for the image of them being competitive, looking down on the other should be held up. It was good publicity if they stayed rivals but they didn't care. Nobody had to know.
So they exchanged mobile numbers in the bathroom and soon a friendship developed. From daily chit chat about jurors, other dancers, the floor at certain locations, it soon went on to favourite bands, movies, book, family matters, dreams, hopes and fears.
They started to Skype on a regular basis – no matter the time zone. Erwin and Hanji attended tournaments in the USA and a week later, Levi and Petra would be in Argentina. It was quite a stressful time – both being international pros in their disciplines and still trying to live a civil life.
And when they met again on the same event, one year later, there were butterflies and nervousness, sweaty palms and dry mouths. Seeing the other one again felt different after all that they had shared. Erwin didn't actually feel like meeting a friend again, but meeting the person he'd fallen in love with. And so did Levi.
They started 'dating'. Quite difficult, considering their packed schedules and the expectations everyone had. Erwin and Hanji had somehow ended up not only a dance couple but mimicking real lovers. It was absurd since Hanji was like a sister to Erwin and she obviously felt the same towards him. But their agents demanded it, set up fancy dinners in expensive restaurants, booked holidays for them and rented them this luxurious apartment where they should live officially – and above all: dropped hints about everything for the press.
When the plane landed in Amsterdam there were paparazzi that wanted to get some nice pictures of the couple and so Hanji and Erwin gave them some practised poses, smiling all lovey-dovey, holding hands, exchanging shy kisses.
They got picked up by their agents and dropped off at the luxury complex. Hanji actually lived there but Erwin had told her that he wanted to have his peace and quiet. So far she didn't ask where he was really living, just asking him to promise he didn't do anything illegal.
He waited until the paparazzi were gone and then took a taxi to his and Levi's flat that was rented under Mike's name. Erwin had told his best friend that he wanted to have a place that nobody knew about and the deal was set.
It was quiet in the apartment, only their cat, Pix, greeting him with husky meows as he took off his shoes and bent down to pet the quite fat cat.
“Hey Pix.” He spoke with a gentle smile and in return received a rough cat tongue licking on his palm.
“Did Levi not feed you before he left?”, Erwin asked as he made his way to the kitchen.
The bowl was empty but there was a paper on the counter.
“Don't trust fatty. I fed him.”
Erwin had to laugh as he gave Pix quite a look.
“You sneaky animal. Worth a try at least...” and he received another meow in return from the three coloured cat.
He pulled his suitcase in, hung up his dancing outfits on hangers and put on a laundry wash. He would take the outfits to the dry cleaning tomorrow before he would leave again in two days. It was high season for tournaments and he and Levi hardly had any chance to see each other for more than a few hours if they were overlapping at all.
And Erwin just had managed to fuck up one of those rare encounters.
With a sigh he wandered over to Levi's side of the bed and took the pillow. The last time they had slept here together was about a week ago and they even managed to have an argument. It had been unnecessary. Something about bringing down the trash and cleaning Pix's toilet. One accusing the other of failing his duties and when things heated up, more accusations were thrown in. A normal fight that every couple would have. Nothing too serious, yet unpleasant.
Erwin was the one who had ended the argument because he didn't want to fight with Levi a few hours before he would fly to Paris. He wanted to embrace his lover, feel him, touch him, kiss him.
Yet he didn't, because Levi didn't want to. But they fell asleep cuddling, murmurs of “I love you” on both their lips.
With a smile he buried his face in the pillow, inhaling his lover's scent. A mixture of lemon, rain, grass, peach and flowers. Unique and wonderful.
On the coffee table in front of the sofa he found another note:
“I guess you missed your flight? But why's your mobile switched off and why do you not reply to my email?
You performance was stunning as always.
I love you.
Levi”
~~~
The next morning he started to search for the backup code for his mobile but couldn't find it. After going through every single drawer, box and place that this shitty piece of paper could have been, he gave up. He'd probably thrown it away when packing boxes to move here with Levi.
For a moment he considered to do a hard reset but he would lose all pictures of him and Levi on it. No backup – for security reasons – so this was not an option.
A short trip to the dry-cleaning service around the corner, a quick visit at Hanji's with a brief practise of some of the movements they weren't too familiar with yet and then he went back home.
Even without his mobile, he knew exactly when Levi would be seen on the live stream, so thanks to the internet stick on their TV, Erwin was able to watch his boyfriend perform.
Just in time he sat down on the sofa and once more was blown away by Levi's rigour and charisma...
~~~
After Erwin had picked up his dancing outfits again, packed his suitcase, had taken a shower and fed Pix, he placed an envelope with Levi's name on it on the coffee table and left. When his boyfriend would get home a few hours later, he could read the following:
My dear Levi,
This might be the first time since my childhood that I'm actually writing a letter by hand. I've never written a 'love letter' before either, so consider this a premier in more than one way.
I'm so incredibly sorry that I didn't contact you or reply to your mail. I dropped my laptop while Hanji and me tried to get our flight but we missed it. And then Hanji was trying to unlock my phone, failed and now it's locked. I can't find the back up code. I know this sounds like the script of a really cheesy movie but please believe me.
You'll find my mobile on the kitchen counter – should you have any idea where we've put those backup codes, please feel free to unlock my phone.
Oh and while I'm writing this, Pix is begging for food, although I just fed him an hour ago. We really should try to find some diet food for him or buy a treadmill and force him to walk on it.
When I came home last night our neighbourhood watch was on its duty again... the old couple from across the street couldn't believe how late I got home. I still think that they believe that we are just renting this apartment together to save some money. Gay people in this area? Never!
Thank you for the note on the coffee table – it's good to hear that you value my 'old man' dancing, as you like to call the ballroom dances. I start feeling old this season indeed – not because of my body but because of my competitors. They are all younger than me, younger than you and I feel like they deliver a completely different atmosphere while dancing. Fresh, vibrant, dynamic and yet perfectly fitting for the ballroom dances. It's like they take the fire of the Latin American dances to our long dresses and sweeping movements. And to me it feels like Hanji and I are dropping out sooner than we might think.
Speaking of 'fire'... you performance was marvellous as always. Brilliant to watch. I'd take a guess and say that you made some women in the audience very happy. And I'd love to show up at one of your events and experience this live again... but the risk is too big, I guess. I mean we've discussed this several times and if we want to be what we are at the moment, we can not risk to be seen at the same event without a good reason.
Petra is so lucky to have you as her partner. The rhythm is in your blood, you feel the music, can adapt to every new beat within a split second, change your figures within the blink of an eye – it's stunning. I'm truly mesmerised whenever I see you dancing.
But it's not only the way you dance, it's your whole presence, the aura that you create. Your outfits are always on point, perfectly harmonising with Petra's dresses. Your body looks beautiful, your legs move so fast and yet coordinated. It's definitely an advantage that you are not that tall. And may I tell you how wonderful and seducing your ass is? I don't think that's something new to hear from me... but watching you dance gives me another perception for you and your body.
Your arms are strong, leading Petra, holding on to her but at the same time giving her freedom. Your upper body is in the perfect angle, strong, every muscle knowing what is has to do. Your shoulders – just mindblowing– Petra can hold on to you, you re-assure her movements and yet she is not giving away all lead. I can see that even on the screen. And that is wonderful because the woman has a way more important role in Latin American dances compared to ballroom dancing.
You neck gets in line with your ass – I'd love to touch it, caress it, lick it, kiss it, bite it, suck it, mark it. If I'd do that, the jurors would for sure decrease their rating due to your lack of professionalism and everyone would believe it was Petra's doing. Your agent would kill you. The latest instruction was: play the bachelor that has taken an interest in his dance partner but still give the fans hope? Or has anything changed about that?
Oh how much I'd wish one could survive in this business without managers and agents...
But let me get back to you, the man I love, and his stunning looks while dancing.
I really think you chin is cute. Sorry – I'm not sorry. You know how much I like to nibble on your chin or tickle it – and even when you dance, your chin still is cute. But the overall facial expression is so different and so much more.
The way your jaws are working while you switch from seductive smiles over wetting your lips to getting really close to Petra. Wow that is just... it's hard to describe.
Your eyes, your nose, your lips, everything is just perfect. You have annexed the ways of Latin American dancing like nobody else that is not Latin American that I've ever seen. You play with everyone in the room as well as with the audience behind their screens. There's so much passion, desire, heat and sex appeal between you and Petra, you and the jurors, you and the audience – and even when I'm sitting here, just watching a 720p stream, I can't deny that I'd love to touch you in a very much inappropriate way...
I'm addicted to you and it's not because of your looks. I can't deny that I love your body, your face, your hair – everything about you. But what makes me the happiest man on this planet is your heart and soul.
I love you, Levi. I really do, with all my heart. Every day with you in my life is a better day and I can't imagine a life without you.
If I think back to our first encounter... oh god I wanted to kill you. You were ... 14 years old maybe and you were really mean to me. For no particular reason. But then our managers totally got on that train and the whole “Germany vs. England” PR began. God, how I hated it. But we both played it. For our dream...
And then my dream became a different one. I wanted to get to know you after I'd seen every single one of your performances and I probably had a crush on you ten years ago already. You fascinated me and when we finally met again... you really were mesmerising. Thank you for sneaking to the bathroom with me back then and giving me your number. The year that followed made me really happy. That was six years ago...
And these five years that 'we' have been what we are, are definitely the best in my life so far. If only we had other circumstances to cherish the love we have. I don't know why but I guess it's got something to do with you and the way you hypnotise me. I never would have thought that I'd be capable to live a 'hidden' relationship. It's dangerous nevertheless, and I would lie if I'd say that I didn't want to take you on a date, go eating with you, go to a concert, spend a vacation with you – things that couples normally do.
And now that I've faced my latest opponents in my career, I'm almost at a point where I want so say: Fuck it. I want to be together with you, no more hide and seek. Show my love to you, let everyone know how much I desire you.
But I know that you are not willing to go this step yet, and I respect that.
Your career is at its peak at the moment and when you fly to Argentina in a few weeks, I'd love to be there, cheer for you, see you, feel you. And yet I know this would break your neck and this is the last thing I want. So I'll try to catch you here as often as possible until then. In eight weeks everything will go back to normal for a while. I'll work more for Mike then, you'll continue your PhD and yet... we still have to pretend to not love, like or even know each other. And honestly... I don't know how long I can go on like this without starting to suffer. But I will endure as long as you want to mesmerise people around the world with your dancing. Because I love you and seeing you happy is one of the greatest joys in my life.
Your smile, your beautiful smile is something that can turn my day around completely. Our 'silly selfie' in the living room really makes me smile like an idiot every time I look at it. And probably I am an idiot.
Jesus... why am I even writing so much? I just wanted to give you a short note why I was not available and congratulate you on your performance? And now I'm... what... ten pages in and my wrist starts to hurt... but now that I'm about it... there's another thing I might bring up while I'm at it.
I love you Levi, with all my heart. So please don't take this too 'serious'. But lately I've gotten the impression that we are starting to have more and more of those unnecessary problems and arguments that are perfectly normal if you are living together with someone. I know that it is partly my fault, yes and I want to apologise if my behaviour upsets you.
Another thing is that the amount and content of 'fan post' gets to a point where I'm getting concerned. I trust you. And so far you've given me no reason to believe different. But especially with our 'daily problems' showing up and – pardon to say it so bluntly – our sex life not being at its best, I honestly feel like there is a possibility that you might get tempted. You are 28, beautiful and handsome, you can have everyone from 18 to 80 that you want within the blink of an eye. And here I am. 32, problems with my knee, by far not as striking as you in appearance and somehow thinking that I might no longer make you as happy as I used to? You've turned me down quite often in the last weeks and I respect that. There are also times when you are in the mood and I'm not. Nothing wrong with that but nevertheless I honestly am a bit afraid especially since we won't be seeing each other that much in the next weeks.
6 years since we met again, 5 years relationship, 3 years living together. That is quite a long time and I want to tell you once more how much I love you. But the overall situation might stress us both more than we might be willing to admit. Hiding, always being at risk – what for? I'm happy with you and yes, I love dancing, I love it with all my heart. But for me, the competitive tournaments are – honestly – no longer my métier. This will probably be my last season. And this doesn't mean that I'm no longer willing to dance. But do you know how much I'd love to dance with you? Take you to New York or Sydney, to Tokyo or Buenos Aires, to London or Vienna and buy tickets for a “casual ball” and dance the whole night with you?
I'm sorry. This sounds like I'm blaming you and I don't. Because we met in a time of our life where competitive dancing was and still is everything to you and to me. But I've more and more come to the realisation that you as my partner, as the person I love, are more important than this show business. And since I love you, I'll be what you need me to be for as long as you want me to be that something.
Please, don't take this as critique, I'm just … a bit drunk and probably lonely at the moment. I miss your voice and I miss your touch, your kiss and the way your fingers run over my neck. And I do wish for a 'normal' relationship more and more. Especially with our perfectly fine problems occurring. We have nobody to talk about our relationship than you and me.
Let me end this now – I feel like an asshole for writing pages and pages of words, my handwriting looking like shit and you will come home, find this and then have to deal with an old man's drunken words. I should go to sleep anyway. My flight goes as 1 PM and it already is 3 AM. Have to be at Hanji's at 9 AM.
If I'm not mistaken you have one day off in between? If you can't find my backup codes, can you maybe buy me a new mobile? Nothing fancy, I just want to be able to call you, write with you, see your face.
I miss you, your pillow smells like you and you've been on my mind all the time. I love you, Levi. You are wonderful and your performance today (or when you read this: yesterday) was wonderful. Please know that although I can sometimes be annoying or stressful (or an old man), I have no bad intention. I only want you to be happy.
I love you.
Erwin