#danielblacksurvival

[blacksurvivalnostalgichanges]

Chloe:Shoutout to the phrase “feed two birds with one seed”, which doesn’t involve killing birds!

Daniel:So neither of them get the full seed?

Chloe:I gave your mom full seed last night.

[blacksurvivalnostalgichanges]

Daniel:What the hell is a “try guy”?

Chloe:It’s been on the air for eight years, and you’re asking now? Also, it’s very self-explanatory.

Daniel:It is? How? Do they try guys?

Laura:The really hot one does.

[blacksurvivalnostalgichanges]

Daniel:I hate those terms. “Permanent ink”? “Essential oils”?

Daniel:The oils are not essential. If I don’t have patchouli oil, I’m not gonna die.

[blacksurvivalnostalgichanges]

Daniel:Dracula is trans.

Emma:Oooh! Wait, where’s your proof?

Daniel:He doesn’t live in CISylvania.

Emma:Can’t argue with that logic!

[blacksurvivalnostalgichanges]

JP:Would you rather work for Lex Luther, or the Joker?

Aiden:Lex Luther. By a mile. It may be working for Amazon except you’re making weapons of mass destruction, he’d still treat his henchmen like shit, your bathroom time would be measured, but compare that to how you’d be if you worked under the Joker.

Aiden:With Lex Luther, you’d probably have dental, a health plan, a paycheck, and the guy that you’re fighting cares about human life a lot. He’d hit you just hard enough for you to be knocked out so he can stop the problem. You work for the Joker and your payment is that you’re not dead right now.

Aiden:You do one wrong thing, bang. You don’t laugh at his jokes? Bang. You DO laugh at his jokes? Bang. You think the Joker gives half of a fuck about his hecnhmen?

Aiden:Who’s Lex Luther’s right-hand man? A woman named Mercy, she’s awesome. Who’s Joker’s right-hand man? Bob? He’s dead. Harley? He tried to kill her multiple times. Slappy? Who the fuck is Slappy? Best case scenario working for the Joker is that you fight Batman! And that presents its own list of problems!

Aiden:If you stopped Superman under Lex Luther, Lex would be angry, but he would still be happy that Superman was caught. You stop BATMAN as a Joker henchman, you better have a coffin picked out yesterday. This isn’t a fun question, this is a screening that the doctors at Arkham use to determine your mental health!

Aiden:There’s a right and wrong answer and the right answer is Lex fucking Luther, have a nice day.

Daniel:Lex Luther will give you up to eight season pass tickets to Disneyland if you file a civil suit against Superman for injuries and emotional distress. He will pay the down payment for a house if the Justice League Foundation settles with you out of court.

Luke:Lex Luther would marry you in the spot if you managed to find the last piece of kryptonite.

Shoichi:Lex may be lex but you know, at least there is also a 401K.

[blacksurvivalnostalgichanges]

“He accounted for every last name on the roster save for one:Corporal Wojtek. Brown called for him by name and recieved no answer. One soldier stated, ‘Well, he only understands polish and persian.’”

Luke:Oh, he’s a spy.

Arda:You think he’s a spy?

Luke:Why would he know polish and persian, in 1940s Poland?

Daniel:Even if you don’t know a language, surely you’d recognize your name?

Luke:I’ve heard a lot of versions of my name, so I don’t know about that. Maybe he mispronounced it.

Daniel:Do you not remember the mispronouncings though?

Luke:All right. Is the guy calling the roster italian?

Arda:British courier.

Luke:Oh. Okay, that makes sense.

Daniel:We can move on then. Seems accurate.

Luke:“Corporal voj-tah!”

[blacksurvivalnostalgichanges]

Johann:Lesbians, what is your wisdom today?

Chiara:Invest in silver.

Fiora:Kiss women.

Nicky:All girls.... beautiful.

Johann:Excellent. Gays, what is your wisdom today?

Daniel:Boys... good.

JP:Agsjdksjdkjs.

Johann:Incredible. Bi, pan and poly people, what is your wisdom today?

Hyunwoo:People are pretty but I can’t talk to them.

Chloe:Ice cream fixes a lot of things.

Johann:Superb. Trans people, nonbinary people, what is your wisdom today?

Luke:If you lick a doorknob, you don’t own it. It owns you.

Isol:May look like I’m twelve, but I’m a man.

Eleven:Kiss everything. Dogs, people, bees, just kiss everything~

Johann:Terrific. Aromantic people, asexual people, what is your wisdom today?

Zahir:Bodies are an illusion and time is fake.

Sua:Cat’s fur is lovely~

Johann:Stupendous. Thank you all for your wisdom.

[blacksurvivalnostalgichanges]

Xiukai:”I’m telling all my friends not to shop here”? Tell them. You think I want five other yous running around the store? Have them call me, I’ll tell them. You think you hate this place more than me? I work here.

Shoichi:”I know the sale ended last week but can I still get a discount”? Do you even hear yourself? We can’t go backwards, time marches on. You want the sale from fifteen years ago too? When does it end, Diane? You want that price, you’re gonna have to go through the quantum realm with Antman.

Li Dailin:”Do you even know how much money I spend here”? More than you should. The meatballs ain’t that good. Save your money. And my time. It doesn’t matter how much money you spend here, we don’t thank our donors, this isn’t PBS!

Chloe:”Every time i come here my order gets messed up”? Then stop coming. Make my day. Every time you come here the order gets messed up? Sounds like you’re making the mistake. Look inward. You’re ordering the wrong shit.

Mai:”I’d like to speak to your manager”? I’d like to speak to your mother. Tell her she should be embarassed. She raised someone to act like a baby in public. You wanna tell the manager? Please. The manager doesn’t know what’s going on, haven’t you ever worked anywhere before?!

Daniel:”I know that’s not right, I used to work here”? Well things change. Sorry they didn’t run it by you first. You used to work here? Well, I used to be happy. Then you walked in.

Hart:”Can’t you just check in the back”? Can’t you accept we don’t have it? The back ain’t some magical place. What do you think is back there? Santa’s workshop? The only thing back there is a clipboard with our schedules and some brownies Darcy brought in.

Sua:”This is cheaper at other stores”. Then shop there, why are you here? Do you need directions? I’ll get you some, I’ll call you an uber. Do you think I set the prices? I’m a seasonal employee.

Nicky:”You workin’ hard or hardly working“? I”m hardly laughing. I’m already at work, I don’t have time for a second job, pretending you’re funny. Why don’t you tell me something I don’t hear every day? Like thank you.

Rozzi:”You should open up more registers”, and who’s gonna work ‘em? You think I’m the only one ringing you up because I called dibs? You want me to clone myself? Or are you saying you want to apply? You see we’re shorthanded, where’s your resumé?

Luke:”I can’t believe they have you working thanksgiving”? I can’t believe you’re shopping. Why do you think I’m here? It’s because of you. I have to stand here for fifteen hours so you can yell at me instead of your family. I work retail, I don’t even remember what thanksgiving is!