Puella Magi Madoka Magica OC: Betsy Lou
Reviewed by: Mod Charle and Mod Jason
Name: Elizabeth Louise “Betsy Lou” Jones
Age at contract: 14 years
Time as magical girl (main timeline): 1 and a half year
Wish: to save her favorite horse
Reasoning: she did not want him to be sacrificed
I hope you go more into detail about “sacrifice”.
Unless Betsy Lou is apart of a cult of some sort, sacrificing a horse isn’t exactly a typical thing to happen in the modern period.
Weapon: a rope, a good ol practical rope strong enough to break things in half
Appearance and uniform: Tall, Lanky reddish blonde girl with blue eyes, a pointy nose, and freckles. She wears a cowboy hat, a red bandana, a denim shirt and a line skirt overall, with a belt with a decorative cow skill in the middle with her yellow soul gem, boots.
Typical cowgirl. A denim shirt would honestly be really irritating given its denim and it doesn’t exactly bend or flow as nicely as a normal shirt. But her outfit consists of very typical and bland clothing, I suggest adding more detail and spicing it up to match the outfits of other canon magical girls.
Their outfits should be more unique rather than something you would generally see a cowgirl wear at a rodeo.
Personality: optimistic, positive, rash, naive, impulsive, stubborn
You could probably work on editing her personality slightly. Rash and positive are not too complimentary. It can work, and Besty Lou can be optimistic yet very impulsive and aggressive, but it is hard to imagine and may seem like she is more bipolar.
Precontract and encounter with Kyubey: Betsy Lou lived in a farm, she did farm things, went to a local school, and had a favorite horse “Ol pumpkinmasher” who she loved to play with. One day while they were racing, Ol pumpkinmasher tripped over a rock and fell. Betsy Lou got scared and desperate because if Ol pumpkinmasher broke his leg, he would be sacrificed, however a strange talking weasel offered a deal. She could get a wish if she accepted to become a magical girl. No points for guessing who was the weasel, or what was the wish, when her grandma called her she was surprised that Ol pumpkinmasher was running just fine, she was grateful.
Ol pumpkinmasher is a unique name I’ll give you that.
Like we said before, “sacrificed” should be a little more... explained. Sacrificing horses isn’t exactly normal or humane. I suggest figuring out another incident in which Ol pumpkinmasher hurting himself would cause him to be put down.
Also horses don’t exactly trip on rocks easily. If they step on one they usually just slide off.
Death: while fighting a witch she assured her teammates “Don worry I got Dis!” and decided to finish the witch by herself, however she did not calculate the risks and tripped over her rope trapping herself in a lasso, the witch purely out of curiosity picked her up and started playing with her like a yoyo, immediately snapping her in half, making her lower half fall off rather violently, shattering her soul gem in pieces.
Not sure if that quote is accent or weeaboo-ish.
I understand that Betsy Lou is implusive, but she did have a year and a half of practice with being a magical girl, which is a lot compared to a ton of others who usually despair within a month or so, like Sayaka. She wouldn’t be so stupid as to get caught in her own weapon.
I like the death though. Gruesome and traumatic, just how Madoka Magica is supposed to be.
Madoka’s reset: Betsy Lou was much more careful in this timeline, she died peacefully and did not have to traumatize her teammates unintentionally...
In Madoka’s reset, basically there are no witches. They are still magical girls, but fight “wraiths” I believe. She wouldn’t be fighting that same witch she fought before because it would not exist.
Homura’s reset: Betsy Lou and her parents had to move to the city, they visit the farm sometimes.
Homura’s reset basically doesn’t change anything except for Mitakihara. Assuming Betsy Lou is from the United States, she would most likely be totally unaffected. Maybe her moving is simply a mishap from the amount of timelines Homura went through who knows.
- Due to her optimistic nature, she tends to die rather violently in most timelines.
- Homura’s reset in the only timeline where she doesn’t die early nor violently.
Like I said, Homura’s timeline doesn’t exactly affect anyone except those in Mitakihara. Betsy Lou would not be affected, so she probably has the same brutal death.
- Her death was traumatizing enough to push one of her teammates into despair.
- She does have a witch form...
- She still trusts Kyubey.
Betsy Lou is a pretty good magical girl OC overall. She has many flaws, but all OCs and characters do.
I would definitely like to hear more about her witch form, the way she is designed and how she acts basically because Betsy Lou was killed in almost always brutal ways. You have a lot of critiques to make on her, but once they’re done, she’ll be a pretty solid PMMM oc.
Thanks for reading, and we hope this helps! (●´ω`●)
*all oc credit goes to daniluni
~Mod Charle and Mod Jason