I’m really enjoying the FYDL Drabble-a-thon Extravaganza! Thanks @fuckyeahdarcylewis for doing this :)
Pairing: Darcy & Steve, (and kinda Darcy/Bucky)
Word count: 1148 (Let's pretend that's less than a thousand words ok? Ok!)
Prompt: Slow down
Trigger warning for panic attack/anxiety
Charity: I'm linking to the Medic One Foundation. The fact that my cousin is alive today is a result of the work this foundation does, I am very grateful to them and the paramedics they help train. The Foundation funds paramedic training for all Medic One providers in King County, as well as many communities throughout the region. Other Foundation-funded programs, such as patient care and research, benefit pre-hospital emergency care around the world through shared protocols and published research findings.
Story under the cut!
Slow down
The pounding of her heart almost drowns out her ragged breathing. It seems she's not actually taking any oxygen in though, because she's swaying on her feet, her hands are clammy and there are black spots dancing in front of her. Her brain isn't shutting down, even if it feels like her body. Her legs won't hold her up anymore and suddenly the floor is a lot closer than it was a second ago. In contrast to the muscles in her legs, her hands are balled up tight because apparently those muscles do still work; somewhere in the back of her brain she knows there's a stinging feeling on her palms where her nails are digging in. She tries to focus on that instead of the barrage of thoughts that won't stop circling her brain like a goddamn hurricane of fear and accusation.
"You did this, this is your fault" is circling right around "he's not coming back, he's never coming back because you. Didn't. Think."
Focusing on the stinging in her palms allows her to slowly open her fists and rub her palms over her jeans. As soon as sensations other than what's going on inside her head can get in again, the images on the TV screen in front of her send her right back into her own mind, "You're a distraction to him. He can't focus when he's worried about you. He's not coming back because you got him killed."
There are tears gathering in her eyes but she doesn't feel it as they make their way down her cheeks. Everything around her is muted again and she doesn't notice the door banging against the wall as it's kicked open and doesn't really register the guy now on his knees in front of her.
He'd been knocking on her door, but when she didn't open he tried to listen if she was even at home. He'd heard her gasping then. Terrified that somehow, they'd gotten to her, knew about her and Bucky, he'd kicked in her door and ran inside.
He sees her folded in on herself on the floor, shaking and gasping, but not registering that he's there.
Memories from before flood his brain, he can almost see himself hunched over on the floor, Bucky sitting behind him and his arms wrapped around his chest and stomach. Getting him to breathe along with every breath Bucky takes, almost through force of will alone. He remembers feeling so powerless, unable to even breathe. So done with always being the one that needed taking care of, never being able to take care of him in return.
But right here, right now, he can be the one to help Bucky. Do for Darcy what Bucky used to do for him. He turns off the TV because she doesn't need any more of those images in her head. He slides in behind Darcy then and wraps his arms around her. He starts talking, hoping some of it will get through because he doesn't need another friend in the infirmary today. "He's fine, he'll make it, breathe for me Darce, you gotta take a real breath for me."
She's shaking in his arms and while he's still muttering he doesn't even know what into her ear, it's like all the tension suddenly releases and a heartbreaking sob fights its way out of her throat.
"Please baby doll, he's okay, it's okay, take a breath. Slow down, it's gonna be okay but you gotta slow down for me Darce" the gravel in his voice surprises him even if it shouldn't. His eyes are burning and he's got a hard time keeping his own sobs at bay. His nerves were already shot by the time he got to her apartment, because up until an hour ago he'd been thinking what must be playing through Darcy's head right now.
He hadn't realized the entire fight downtown had been broadcast live thanks to some idiot reporter he hadn't spotted in a nearby building who didn't evacuate as he should have. Filming the Avengers fighting in the streets should not be more important than personal safety, but time and again people proved to be idiots. He should have expected this. He should have come to her sooner, should have known she could follow the entire thing on the TV.
"He's... He's alive? But- No I saw him go down Steve, and he didn't get up!" Her voice is hoarse and so desperately heartbroken he can't help but squeeze her a little tighter as he's mentally hitting himself for not noticing the reporter, for not realizing-
He'd been preoccupied though, thinking his best and oldest friend was dead. Again. Because Hydra had gotten their hands on new armor piercing bullets and even the serum couldn't raise the dead. Miraculously none of the bullets had hit Bucky's heart or head or anything that wouldn't heal fast enough and even if he'd have to be in the infirmary longer than usual he'd make a full recovery.
Telling himself he can kick himself later, he reassures her again. "He's fine. Well, he's pissed about getting shot and having to take it easy for a while, but he'll live."
"Oh god Steve I thought-"
"I know" he interrupts her before she can say it. Her breathing is steadier now even if her tears are still steadily rolling down her cheeks. "I know, but he's not. He's good, he really is."
She lets out a breath that feels like it took a whole trunk of worry with it.
"Want to head up to medical with me so you can see for yourself?"
She leans back against him, most of the tension draining out of her now that she no longer believes he's dead. Her hands come up to scrub over her face again as she says, "Yeah, that sounds so good. Just, give me a second so I can get up and walk myself over there."
He sighs and leans back against the wall behind him. She settles against his chest as he presses a kiss to the top of her head. "Sure thing doll, we got time. He's okay."
