thinking of an au where lily evans has reached her breaking point. she is so smart, and so talented, and so beautiful, but all anyone sees is her blood. her last name. her ‘impurity’.
even james, who is supposed to be in love with her or something, waxes poetry about how he will protect her from those nasty purebloods. how she’s such a good muggleborn. she’s risen from the dirt of her past. that horrible little town on the midlands. she’s so smart and beautiful. what a lovely little wife she’d make.
even severus, her best friend for so many years, someone lily had trusted above all. he was drifting apart day by day, waxing poetry about how she doesn’t understand. the purebloods have so much knowledge, so much magic, so much money. he worships her and spits on her friends in the same breath. she’s different through. beautiful and smart. what a lovely little wife she’d make.
she snaps. tired of being forced upon a pedestal she never climbed onto. she snaps and her chipped nail polish gets dirtied with blood. maybe she pushes snape off the astronomy tower during an argument. maybe she slips something into a potion not meant to be there, stepping to the side as the explosion rips through the boy she grew up with, blood splattering across her wide eyes and hidden smile. so caught up in her performance of agony she doesn’t notice grey-blue eyes watching.
maybe potter pushes too far, grabs her arse and leers down at her at a party with too many people and too many drinks. a small vial tipped, and a gentle suggestion of quidditch, to show what he can do. the idea flashes through his addled mind, and he leaps up. lily loses herself amongst the congregation following the potter heir, the overconfident student, the talented quidditch star. so many things but he falls like any other. bones snapping against cold hard earth. screams echo and she can’t believe it worked.
behind her, someone brushes her back, a whiff of cigarette smoke acrid in her nose.
“nicely played evans.” deep and playful and vanishing as she span around. her heart pounded in her chest, breath coming short. someone knew.
hogwarts moved on through the recent tragedies, whispers following the remaining troublesome trio as they wandered the halls. each with red eyes and quiet voices. the thrill of success tampered with the fear of the unknown. letters appeared amongst her belongings, snippets of poetry, quotes and odes to lily herself. never traceable. always there.
grass green eyes scanned and cataloged and wondered. whose writing was this? why hadn’t she been reported? in the chaos of recent events, her darling innocent mary slipped through the cracks. returning one evening with empty eyes and a rumpled skirt. no blood. thankfully. this time. lily’s jaw clenched as she soothed her sobbing friend, vowing it would never happen again.
the gossips of hogwarts reported mulciber’s bragging, discussed that poor muggleborn not knowing what she got herself into. wondering how far he’d go next time. what they didn’t discuss was the red-haired vengeance stalking through silent hallways. wings replaced with a cloak, but fury no less unceasing.
he was large, a brute with a horrible wicked streak. arrogant. and as he lay prone in the corridor, white shirt stained red, he was terrified. a chuckle echoed, deep and playful and vanishing as she threw jinxes into the dark corners. shit.
mulciber lived, eyes darting to the shadows, twitching when someone moved too fast. his bulk thinned, eyes sinking deep into his skull as he lay prone in fear. rumours swirled and lily frowned. apparently it was a curse. she definitely didn’t do it.
some time later, after mulciber began to smile again. another body turned up. rope taught against mottled skin, eyes bulging and limbs loose. a cousin. one he grew up with. in front of half the school, mulciber dropped to his knees and howled. this wasn’t her either.
a note appeared in her bag, scratchy writing and directions to a classroom in the east tower. what awaited was her attempted victim chained and prone and eyes bleeding.
“how do you like my gift?” that same voice, haunting and mocking her for months. a violent swipe of her wand and a ring of fire released, illuminating her stalker. her admirer.
barty crouch jr, hair dyed and shockingly pale eyes, he lounged across a desk, head tilted and smile playing across his lips.
her wand at his throat, his poking between her ribs. he pressed closer, pupils round as he watched lily. spoke of her kills, of her planning, of the way her eyes narrowed as she surveyed her prey. how her teeth bared and how she was the most captivating person in the school. this was his present. his request. his offer.
she accepted.
they took turns, screams silenced and blood thickening the floor in a shiny lacquer coat. mulciber didnt last long. neither did lily as barty knelt between her legs and made her cum so hard she forgot her own name.
in the days and weeks to come, investigations were launched, nothing came of them. the two were far too clever to leave anything behind. and so exams came and went, suspicious blue eyes peering from behind half-moon spectacles. but they were free.
barty crouch sr didn’t live much longer. he didn’t make to the end of june. the house burnt, and with it any possible redemption for lily evans and barty crouch (no longer jr, the only one left) crumbled like ashes. as if they cared. they had people to hunt.
(this was inspired by @anything-for-my-moons posting about a bartylily scream au)
- grey lily evans whose friendship with snape didn’t end when his political stances became more solidified, but only when he attacked her personally
- grey lily evans who was very outspoken about how fucked up azkaban was in a time where the light bragged about tossing deatheaters there
- grey lily evans who had very few true friends; it was a time where everyone had to pick a side, and it wasn’t clear to everyone what side lily stood on
- grey lily evans who always spoke up about the lack of werewolf and other creature rights, blaming the light for pushing them to the dark
- grey lily evans whom voldemort wanted to recruit into his side
- grey lily evans who refused to trust dumbledore with the name of the real secret keeper
- grey lily evans not as in morally grey, but as in someone who deep down neither believed in the dark nor in the light
- and finally, grey lily evans whose skill in dark arts — and blood magic specifically, saved her son’s life from the killing curse and ensured his protection for a long time after her own death
It’s been almost three weeks since you went into the clinic. Ever since you went to go see Dr. Evans, you haven’t been able to stop thinking about her. Her and her bright red hair, her beautiful green eyes that gazed down at you when you were coming, and her lips that had crashed down on you with such ferocity that you felt like you couldn’t breath.
It’s been three weeks since the sensations she caused plagued your body. It’s been three weeks since you felt so much pleasure, you’ve tried to recreate it, (no matter how dirty you felt afterwards) but you haven’t been able to feel like that again.
Frankly, you’re terrified. You don’t think what happened that day was okay, but it never felt so good.. nothing had ever felt that good.
You’ve been in a slump, to say the least. And that’s how you found yourself here, in a club of all places.
You’re friend felt it necessary that you branch out of your comfort zone. Ever since you went to the gynecologist they had been pushing you to do different things, in their own words, “You’ve already had a doctor see your hoo-ha, might as well finally pop the cherry!”
The entire conversation was downright filthy. Your friend do not have a filter, and they used really weird vocabulary which made the entire conversation worse.
B/F/N had dressed you up in clothes that would make your mother faint, and your father to lock you in a tower. You were wearing a tight-skinned black dress that showed off your body, and your hair was made you into a beautiful hair-do that you only do on rare or special occasions.
The music was so loud that you felt your eardrums were going to pop. People kept bumping into you, and one woman even practically shoved you out of her way. The lights are off, and certain light bulbs throughout the club flash on and off to go with the beat of the music.
Everyone is either high, drunk, or both. You’re head feels like it’s going to explode and all you want to do is go home, and watching some crappy movies. But B/F/N had declared that you weren’t going home until you at least got drunk off your ass, or get laid, whichever came first.
Neither of which seem to be happening any time soon.
“Alright babe,” B/F/N says, tossing their arm over your shoulder, they already halfway to drunk as all hell, and gestures over towards a woman sitting at the bar, staring at B/F/N, “I’m gonna go and talk to the pretty lady over there.” They spin to you, putting their hands on your shoulders and staring down at you seriously, “Now remember,” they wave a finger at you, “no leaving until you’re either drunk as fuck or losing your virginity, got it?” You nod hesitantly, knowing as soon as they turn away, you’re leaving. “Good,” they nod firmly, “go have fun and live a little.” With that, they’re turning away from you and going to the woman.
You sigh. Might as well finish the drink they paid for, even though it tastes like pee. You grimace as the whisky (or was it vodka?) hits the back of your throat.
“That’s not exactly how you’re supposed to drink that, love.”
You jump, a squeak escaping you as turn to look at the person who spoke. Your eyes were wide as you took in the man leaning against the bar. His hazel eyes stare down at you with amusement and something else, something like what Dr. Evans looked at you with. His lips were pulled up in a smirk, and his tongue flicked out to touch his bottom lip. His beautiful black hair was in a curly mess atop his head.
He was gorgeous.
“Like what you see, love?”
You jump again, immediately looking away from him as heat rushed to your cheeks. You fiddled with with the glass cup, needing something to do to combat your embarrassment. You take a drink of your drink (seriously, is it vodka or whiskey?) to try and keep from looking at him. You could feel his stare, his gaze burning through you.
You felt …. excited? There were butterflies in your stomach, and you couldn’t help but look at him out of the corner of your eye. He held a glass of something, and would occasionally sip at it while looking at you.
You clear your throat, trying to gain confidence before you talked to him. After a couple seconds, and another sip of your drink, you look over at him, “Can I help you?” you ask, raising an eyebrow slightly in order to appear intimidating.
He chuckles, “No, just enjoying the view.”
“Oh, god.”
You moan as your back collides with his bedroom door. His lips were pressed against yours, acting as a force to keep you against his wall. James, you had learned his name while talking to him for over an hour at the bar, held your hands up beside your head, his interlocked with yours. His hips were pressed up against your, his knee in between your thighs.
It was so much.
Everything felt like it was magnified by ten. It felt like what it did with Dr. Evans.
James pulls his lips from yours, and trails heated kisses down your neck. You felt so hot, your dress felt like it was suffocating you. You wanted it off.
“Please,” you whisper, moving your hips against his knee. It sent a shock down your spine, pleasure coursing through every inch of your body. You feel like you’ve been lit on fire.
James chuckles, “I don’t know. What do you think, Lils?” He moves away from your neck glancing back at someone over his shoulder, “Should I indulge her?”
Startled, you look over James’ shoulder, eyes wide as you look for ‘Lils.’ Your eyes connect with a woman sitting on a chair, her legs crossed, bright hair trailing down her naked chest. A gasp lodges in your throat, shock racing through you. You try to pull away from James, but he keeps his hold on you, keeping you pressed against the wall.
Dr. Evans is sitting across from you, naked, and a smirk spread across her lips.
“Oh darling,” Dr. Evans purrs as she trails her finger down your naked chest, her fingernail scratching your exposed nipple. You jump, a whine echoing through the bedroom. “You look utterly delicious like this.”
Your sprawled across their bed, your arms and legs tied to the head and footboard. You’re completely exposed to their eyes, as James and Dr. Evans sit on either side of you, each playing a different part of your body. James was rubbing your clit gently, his finger tips barely pressing into your exposed hole. Dr. Evans played with each of your nipples, twisting and pulling at them as you jolted with the sensations.
You look up at Dr. Evans with wide eyes, your lips stretched around the gag in your mouth. It was all too much. To many sensations at once. Tears were streaming down your cheeks as your hips jumped with each touch against your clit.
“You were right, Lils,” James says, a playful smile stretched across his lips. He leans down and pulls your clit between his teeth, a screech is pulled from your lips as you try to squirm away from him, it’s too much! “She’s perfect.”
lily evans who has a rough accent, dropping her t’s and g’s because she also grew up in Cokeworth, lily evans who can shoplift like no one’s business, slipping half the store into her pockets and skipping out unhindered.
lily evans who never thought for a second that she wouldn’t belong in the wizarding world, who never thought that she would be discriminated against so acted like she belonged there from day one. later as she learnt of the prejudice her resolve hardened and she refused to bow, to act like she was taking up space. she was there and god help anyone who tried to tell her differently.
lily evans who is so horrifically stubborn and has a temper like a sparking wire. lily evans who got into fistfights every week during first year. lily evans who refused to apologise when she was wrong but would instead give the person a gift or do something to help them. lily evans who is abrasive and only smoothed her sharp edges in her late teens, maturing and directing her managing fury to other means.
lily evans who was so incredibly smart and could’ve easily gotten a mastery in charms or potions or runes, instead decided to fight. fight for her rights. lily evans who feel in love and married james potter not because he was rich or attractive, but because he was patient. and kind. he was the sugar to her bitter coffee, hyperactive and still quite childish, but mature in the ways that mattered. he never made her doubt his love, and that certainty, that reliability, she loved him for that.
lily evans who was still so young when she was told of a prophecy meant for her unborn son. lily evans who cried and raged and eventually settled. mouth pursed and eyes blazing with determination.
lily evans who asked sirius, the to-be-godfather to her child, and asked him for books that blurred the lines of legality. he argued but of course she won, stubborn and fierce. lily evans who delved into protective runes, into dangerous rituals and blood magic.
lily evans who worked late into the night, her husband worrying his lip as he brewed her another cup of coffee, standing beside her, always. lily evans who went though a gruelling birth, bleeding and sweaty and so so in love with her son, her baby, her harry.
lily evans who never stopped preparing. who tested chalk rituals and charcoal runes. james swiped a white smudge off her cheek and pulled her into a searing kiss, still in love with his beautiful, mad wife.
lily evans who spent hours and hours painstakingly carving lines and runes into the hardwood floor of harry’s nursery. who bled and bled and birthed this, this amalgamation of love and sacrifice and grit.
lily evans who felt a terrible calm wash over her when james’ voice warned her. he would die soon. so would she. but harry wouldn’t. he couldn’t. lily evans who in her fleeting last moments stood before death and spat at his feet.
lily evans who was so much more than just lily potter, so much more than just the half-forgotten mother of the boy who loved. so much more.
AUTHORS NOTE → so thank you for the 700 followers! that is so freaking exciting! thanks for putting up for my craziness! this is also my first really dark fic, so don’t like kill me or anything.
You sat in the waiting room, twisting your hands together anxiously. This would be the first time that you visited a gynecologist without your mother, and you would be lying if you said you weren’t scared. You had never come to these appointments by yourself. Your mother had always been there to hold your hand, and keep you from running out of the appointment. You couldn’t cancel this though, no matter how much you wanted to. You had found various reasons to cancel the last couple appointments. You were pretty sure that the receptionist held a grudge against you, not that you couldn’t blame her.
She looked very surprised when you actually walked into the office instead of calling her an hour before the appointment and said you couldn’t come. The only reason you hadn’t was because your best friend threatened to drag you in here by your ear if you didn’t actually see the doctor. You were very tempted to just say screw it, and cancel anyway, but your friend hadn’t left you by yourself at all today. Heck, she’s even waiting in the car for you.
“Ms. Y/L,” one of the nurses says, drawing your eyes up to her, “we’re ready for you.”
You exhaled a shaky breath and stood up on your quaking legs, your fingers still wringing together.
“I’ll be surprised if she didn’t run before she even got to the door,” the receptionist mutters snidely, clicking away at her keyboard noisily. You glanced at the woman, feeling heat rush to your cheeks. You looked down at your feet as you walked to the nurse holding the door open for you with a gentle smile.
“It’s alright, dear,” the nurse says soothingly, “no need to be scared. Dr. Evans is one of the best gynecologists in London.”
Okay, that made you feel slightly better. Not by much though.
You didn’t want to be here. You really just wanted to be home and wrap yourself up in your fluffy blanket and eat some ice cream. Maybe watch your favorite show, but you didn’t want to be here.
You shuffled behind the nurse, wrapping your arms around yourself acting like that is your armor. The nurse held open the door to an exam room, the smile still on her face. “Alright, dear, just get changed. Dr. Evans will be here shortly.”
You nodded, stepping into the room. Your heart lodged itself in your throat when you heard the door shut behind you. You looked down at the hospital gown that rested on the bed.
“Okay,” you whispered, “it’s fine. You’re fine. Nothing to worry about.”
Your shaking hand grabbed onto the gown, and changed as quickly as you could. The cold hit your barely covered body, causing your nipples to harden. You sat down on the edge of the bed stiffly, your back straight, legs crossed tightly, and your hands clenched into fists in your lap.
A sharp knock sounded against the door, your eyes snapping towards the door. “Come in,” you called stiffly, pinching your wrist sharply.
The door opened, and Dr. Evans walked in. The woman had long red hair, pulled back into a tight bun. She was dressed in a regular doctor's outfit, and a clipboard in her hands. She was looking down at the clipboard, a pencil tracing down the length of the paper clipped to it.
The woman looked up, and gently smiled at you. “Ms. Y/L, I see it’s your first time with us, correct?”
You clear your throat, eyes still down casted, “Uh, yes.”
“You’ve seen a gynecologist before, yes?”
“Yes, I used to go to my mothers before I moved to go to university.”
Dr. Evans smiled again, her smile held something that you couldn’t recognize, something that wasn’t there before, “Well, let’s go ahead and get started.”
“O-okay,” you stammer, fidgeting.
“Can you lay down for me?” Slowly, you scooted back and laid down, keep your legs firmly together, and fiddling with your fingers. Dr. Evans moved so she sat in the small chair in front of your legs. “Put your legs in the stirrups, please.”
You swallowed down a whimper, desperate to make it through this bloody appointment without freaking out. “Okay,” you whispered, your voice so quiet that you weren’t sure she heard you.
Slowly, you put your legs on the stirrup, keeping your eyes firmly above you, staring at the ceiling. The ceiling was plain, like most ceilings, you suppose. The room was plain, kind of reminding you of your room in your apartment before you had decorated it.
Dr. Evans pulled your attention back to her when she touched your thighs, the plastic of her gloves snapping your eyes down to her. She stood in front of you, her green eyes focused on your most intimate part. The doctor rubbed her hands up and down your thighs, “first time without your parents,” she mutters, voice smooth. “You’re very pretty.”
“Th-thank you,” you whisper, watching the woman intently. You pressed your hands down onto the bed, trying to seem nonchalant. Your stomach swam with nerves, every time that Dr. Evans looked up at you, you could feel your heart beat faster, and your breath hitch. You don’t know how long you laid there for, just staring at Dr. Evans, and her looking at you.
You felt her fingers graze your clit, the pressure just barely there, but sending your hips to slightly buckle. Her hand pressed firmly against your belly, her hand keeping you against the table. “Shh,” she soothers, her thumb rubbing at your stomach through your gown. “You’re alright.”
You took a deep breath, forcing your eyes back up to the ceiling, trying to brace yourself for whatever Dr. Evans was going to do. You clenched your eyes shut when you felt her rub against your clit, your breath catching. It felt good but so wrong. Your breathing quivered as she continued to rub your clit, and pressed one of her fingers against your opening. Her hand on your stomach pressed hard on you, before gently pressing her finger into you.
“Oh god,” you whispered, clenching your eyes shut tightly, your fingers clenching into your fists, crumpling the paper on the bed. You turned your head to the side, breathing in deep breaths in hopes of calming down.
Dr. Evans continued to rub your clit, but kept her finger in you still. “You’er alright, dear. It will feel better soon.”
You pressed your face into the side of your arm, keeping your eyes closed and breathing deep. “I-I’m alright,” you whispered, still refusing to open your eyes. “You-you can continue.”
“Hm,” the woman hummed, and you could feel her gaze burning the side of your face. You felt her hand retreat from your clit, and slowly, her finger from your hole. You couldn’t help the whine that slipped past your lips.
You clenched your eyes in embarrassment, pressing your lips together tightly. You dug your face into your shoulder, feeling heat rise to your cheeks.
You felt a hand grasp your chin, pulling you from your hiding place, “Look at me, darling.” Your breath hitched as you looked up at the woman, your fingers clenching the rumpled paper. She tapped at your lips, her thumb pulling your bottom lip away from your teeth, keeping you from biting your lips. “Let’s not hurt ourselves, yes? You are much to pretty to be bleeding.” Your eyes widened, trying to keep your breathing normal; you had no want to embarrass yourself in front of this beautiful woman.
Oh god, who the hell crushes on their doctor? B/F/N is going to give you so much crap for this. You can already hear their teasing.
“Y/N,” Dr. Evans snapped, pulling at your chin to get your focus back on her, “eyes on me.”
“S-sorry,” you whispered, your voice meek.
“It’s alright, just don’t make the same mistake, or I’ll have you punish you, and understand?”
“Y-yes, Dr. Evans.”
“Good girl,” she said, a small smile spreading across her face, she moved her hand from your chin to stroke your cheek, “My, you are very pretty one, darling. I seem to be saying that a lot, don’t I?” You nod shakily, “You have made quite the impression on me, dear.”
Before you could think of something to say, the doctor crashed her lips against yours.
It wasn’t like the kisses your read about in your romance novels. There weren’t any fireworks, or feeling of a final piece fitting into a unfinished puzzle. Instead, it was messy. Spit flowed down your chin onto your chest, and your teeth clashed with hers. Her hands clutched the sides of your face, keeping you firmly against her lips, and your chest was half lifted trying to reach her while the rest of your body stayed flat against the bed.
She pulled away from your lips, a line of saliva keeping you connected l. You were left gasping for breath, and your hands holding onto her wrists tightly. Your eyes were clouded and dazed, you didn’t know what was happening. How did this happen exactly?
You’ll have to admit, you can’t exactly complain about the turn events.
“Good girl,” Dr. Evans said, her smile large and bright. She stroked her smooth hand down your cheeks, “You are such a good girl. Do you think you can do something for me?” You nod shakily, still slightly dazed from the kiss. “Do you think you can come for me?”
You looked at her in confusion, “What do you mean? I am already here?”
If it possible, her smile widened, “You’ve never orgasmed, sweet girl?”
“I-I don’t know what that means,” you whispered.
“You’ll find out soon enough, darling.”
You cried out, your back arching up from the bed, thrashing your hips. Your black lacy panties were stuffed in your mouth, keeping your sounds muffled. Your hands were tied together above you, and your legs were strapped down to the stir-ups, keeping you mostly restrained. Tears were streaming down your cheeks from the abuse on your pussy. Your gown had long since been abandoned, laying somewhere in the room out of your sight, you were completely bare, at the mercy of Dr. Evans.
Dr. Evans was in between your legs, her lips wrapped around your clit, and two of her fingers were pumping in your hole. Your hips were thrashing, the pressure too much but not enough.
You wanted more.
You needed less.
You screamed, the sound muffled by your panties, and your hips thrashed forward, almost throwing the woman away from you.
“Did I not tell you to be still?” She asked, pressing her free hand down harshly on your stomach, and pumping her fingers into harder, faster. “You’re fine, stop causing such a fuss.”
You cried, tossing your head to the side, the tears streaming down your neck and causing a ticklish feeling. “No m-more!” you sobbed, trying to buck away from her.
“‘M sorry darling, I can’t understand you. Did you say more?” You shook your head quickly, the saltiness of your tears slipping past your panties and into you mouth. “That’s good, I have no intentions of stopping until you can no longer think.”
Her lips reattached to your clit, sucking the bundle of nerves into her mouth, and twirling her tongue around it, sending shockwaves of pleasure down your spine. Her fingers pumped your harshly, pressing against a spongy spot in you that kept you thrashing and shrieking.
“Come on, one more, good girl.”
You heard her voice but everything felt muffled.
A wave of pleasure crashed over you, hurtling you into something you’ve never felt before. Your vision blacked out, and your ears went empty, blocking sight and hearing.
You don’t know how long you laid there, completely vulnerable, but when you came to, your arms and legs were unrestrained, and we’re laying flat, easing in the aches. Your panties were no longer in your mouth, and you couldn’t feel drool or tears on your skin anymore. Your body still felt numb and sticky though.
You took a deep breath, trying to encourage yourself to open your eyes.
“It’s alright, dear, you’re okay. Come on, you can do it, good girl.” You opened your eyes, immediately catching contact with Dr. Evans, her eyes soft just like her smile. Her hand stroked your face, keeping you in the present. “You did so well, my darling. You were so good for me.” You could only stare at her, unable to articulate any words. “As much as I would love to keep you here, and take care of you, I think your friend is getting worried about you.”
Everything came crashing back.
You were at the gynecologist office, this was a doctors appointment. Oh god, how long have you been in here?
You scrambled up, not caring about your nudity. You rushed to put on your clothes, barely remembering to say goodbye to Dr. Evans before running out of the room and to the front. You didn’t stop to say any papers at the front desk, barely regarding the receptionist at all.
You ran out of the office, and into your car. Shoving yourself into the car, and scrambling to buckle yourself in.
“How did it go?” B/F/N asked, a worried frown gracing their face. “Are you alright?”
“It went fine. I’m okay,” you rushed to say, panting. Only now taking in the ache that laid in between your thighs. “Can we please go?”
“Yes, of course.” They hurriedly put the car in drive, and drive away from the blasted doctors office, your heart still in your throat.
Only when you were a couple blocks from the office did you relax, a small breath of relief escaping you. You rested your head back against the headrest, ignoring the worried glance from your friend.
Everything was fine. You weren’t going to see her again. Everything is fine.
“Jamie,” Lily Potter said in her phone, hiding out in Y/N Y/L/N exam room, a giddy smile on her face, “I found the most perfect girl. She would be perfect for us.”
If you want a visual of what happens in this chapter, I cannot recommend @daiz-nsfw new nsfw drawing enough here. You’re welcome. Look at that talent 🤤 👀 (Hers and his 😏)
