A Dish Best Served Crazy
Rating: E
Pairing: Deiran/GN Reader-insert
Summary: Your shitty ex violates the restraining order and tracks you down at work. Luckily for you, you've got a homicidally insane jester god for a boyfriend, and he has some ideas on how to get revenge.
This started as a joke on the @detcfanficwriterscult discord
Excerpt:
He's an enigma wrapped in jingling bells and candy floss; a whirlwind of wicked whimsy; a creature of carnal creativity; a despot of depravity; the Lord of Lunacy himself— the Mad King. And he is . . . your boyfriend?
No, the title of 'boyfriend' seems wildly incongruous to Deiran's nature. But perhaps that's why he was so delighted with the idea when you'd sprung the 'what are we?' talk on him after your last tryst, which had involved several of his duplicates in a fun house mirror maze.
So, why are you still working at this godforsaken monster gas station selling items that inspire pensiveness to a wide array of strange and terrifying creatures? Well, you are still the reigning monarch of this enterprise, as Deiran didn't hesitate to remind you when he dropped you off for the night shift. It wouldn't do to abandon your subjects.
You think he just gets off on how much you dread it. If it's one thing he loves most of all, it's making humans squirm, and whether it's with ecstasy or pain doesn't seem to matter.
He's here tonight, always coming in an hour or two before your shift ends to tease you. Although secretly you suspect he cares about you a lot more than he lets on, considering his penchant for turning difficult customers into random objects and animals. The rather fetching bobble head on the counter in front of you was once a chupacabra. Spitting in your face over an expired coupon had been its final mistake. You tap its little head and watch it bounce, a little diversion from what has been potentially the most boring night of your life.
You'd been working here long enough that the clientele don't scare you anymore. Which is why Deiran immediately straightens up from the counter where he's leaning when your entire body tenses with fear.
Your ex just walked in— your totally human ex who inspires more dread in your guts than any of the horrible monsters you serve night after night.
Deiran disappears, and suddenly you feel his presence behind you, his low, silky voice tickling your ear, sharp teeth just barely grazing the lobe.
"Would you like me to end this pitiful creature for you, my Liege?"
