#darkmistandoddstudies

[darkmistandodddreams]

i cant even begin to catch you all up on what the fuck I’ve been doing in the last 2 months, because it’s been insanely stressfull and full of existential fear, but!! It all got better! The work was worth it!

Beautiful things that happened in the last 5 days:

found an amazing, gorgeous flat in Hamburg and got accepted as the new tenants to be

met Amanda Palmer  and went to see her show

at said show in Hamburg, also saw and met Judith Holofernes, whose music I have adored since forever

finished my bachelors by defending my thesis (which was mostly done by just excitedly talking with my professors over DnD and LARPing) and got an excellent grade

So yeah. Life’s good again. I am no longer a student as of friday. I am starting job hunting. In a week I’ll go Larping again. In a few weeks I’ll move to Hamburg, where most of my friends live. A whole new chapter is about to start.

[darkmistandodddreams]

a happier bachelor thesis update: I finally wrote my professor a mail yesterday and sent him just like the summary and my ideas and what I’ve found so far and he answered super quickly saying I made it very clear what I wanted to do and should continue in that direction and he is excited for the finished thesis. And today I finished the rough draft for the thesis and now I have almost 4 weeks to finetune and edit it and find more sources and stuff for my points and do all the boring structural stuff, but basically I’m at a good place!

[darkmistandodddreams]

I'm at the point in my bachelor thesis where I have written A LOT and now should really confer with my professor about how I can build on what I've done so far, but the mere thought of telling him about my progress is TERRIFYING

I havent spoken with him for like a month and the last update he had was a vague idea for a topic, i feel like he's gonna tell me everythings shit and i gotta start over. And I know thats unlikely but GOD i hate this. It's like to reap the rewards of getting help from a really good professor you have to submit to the horrifying ordeal of letting him read your unfinished work.

[darkmistandodddreams]

can’t belive I actually last minute found some interesting theories to back my hypotheses for the exam up, this is not a good learning experience it just shows me that bulshitting it at the last minute does, in fact, work 

[darkmistandodddreams]

I realised that my problem with writing uni papers is that I’m stuck in a cycle where I procrastinate because I know that I dislike writing them, then I only have  a few days left to actually write before my deadline is up and because it’s so little time, I will be more stressed out and the experience is uncomfortable, which makes me wanna avoid it and procrastinate again the next time and so on...

Even now that I have almost two weeks left of my time until my self-imposed deadline, once I started writing, I felt like I needed to get it done immediately and as quick as possible and I can’t really find piece of mind until it’s finished, this is how strongly I ingrained “you only have 2 days to write it” into myself by always writing at the last minute, I guess

[darkmistandodddreams]

It is 11:30 am and today I already:

stood up early

did a 12 minutes Yoga beginner practice

anxiously phoned the firm I’ll intern at to ask for the phone number of my local contact person

had healthy breakfast

anxiously phoned the local contact person to let her know that I’m not sure yet when my exam for uni’ll be and that I’ll probably have to check out of work spontaneously sometime in my first week (it was fine she was nice and thanked me for the notice, offered me the Du and reaffirmed my starting time for the internship)

now I’m gonna have even more coffee and an orange and watch the new critrole episode and tonight we’re playing with one of our DnD groups #bless

[darkmistandodddreams]

Yooo, my first day of internship was good :D I didn’t have too much to do yet, but I’m positive that that’s gonna change soon. Everyone is very nice and I’m not as anxious anymore. I’m also super exhausted from getting up at 5:30 and working till 5pm so I guess I’ll not be on tumblr as much as usual except for weekends.

[darkmistandodddreams]

Today I finally got around to recording all the material for my short audiobook for uni. I woke up and felt a slight scratching in my throat and thought “nopenopenope if I don’t drink some tea and record now I might not be able to in a few days” also I’m alone in the flat and it’s sunday so the renovation people aren’t fucking up the background noise with their drilling.

Now it’s down to a ton of editing and shit, but at least I don’t need to worry about recording conditions anymore