#darksiders vulgrim

[dewdropfate]

[the-tiger-with-a-computer]

Darksiders Headcanons #4: Human Food

Sorry that this took a while. Been a bit busy and didn't have much time to write.

Before we begin. There is one problem. Earth got wreaked. A lot. Which means that a lot of Earth's environments, plant, and animal life either changed or went extinct. How do we fix this? In my last headcanon I suggested that the Angels kept various copies of items and human media in all of it's forms as a way to explain how things like DVDs are still around 100 years after the apocalypse.

In this case Azrael took an interest in all the kinds of plants that grew on Earth. Over the years, and in secret, he collected seeds from the plants of Earth, learns how to grow them, and creates a green house that he cares for with a few of his scribes who are also interested in Earth's plant life.

This means that after Azrael was forced to open the Well of Souls and got trapped, his scribes took on the job of caring for the green house full time. And some of the plant life they actually like. Flowers are one of the favorites because they bring all sorts of colors to Heaven, since (as for as I have seen), Heaven mostly has white and yellow colors in their architecture (other than the occasional grey). So as you can guess they really likes the other kinds of colors that flowers have, I imagine tulips are a popular choice because of just how many different styles and patterns of tulips there are (there have been quite a few arguments over which tulip if best).

Another favorite type of plant is the ones that bear fruit and vegetables. Now, since Angels and Demons don't seem to need to eat, I imagine that they simple eat to enjoy the flavors, or in the case of Demons, they enjoy the taste of blood found in animals.

In my mind, a favorite fruit for Angels (particularly scribes) are grapes and apples. Why? Because unlike other fruits like strawberries and pomegranate seeds, they don't make a mess when you bite into them. This makes them perfect little snacks for scribes to have in a simple bowl while sorting scrolls or doing repetitive work. (there are others but if I include every single fruit and vegetable this would be too long)

On the other hand, they didn't really like plants like peppers, limes, and lemons. Actually, the first time an Angel ate a pepper out of curiosity they quickly panicked and asked for water because they felt like their mouth was on fire. Because of that, for a while at least, peppers became a test of resilience for the warrior Angels. Same thing for limes and lemons, but instead of a test of resilience, they became a test to see if you could not make a face after tasting the fruit's juice (basically a test to see if you could hold a poker face. and yes Abaddon succeeded. Uriel did not. she failed after a few seconds).

Most demons on the other hand, didn't care for plants. If they wanted to eat, it was meat, meat, and raw bloody meat. And even then, most of the time, it wasn't to enjoy the flavors of raw (or accidentally cooked) meat. It was often a way to intimidate enemies and allies alike by showing off the raw power of their sharp teeth. Though you won't see powerful figures like Samael doing this because he doesn't need to show off how powerful he is since his mere presence and aura are enough and if anyone was still stupid enough to try and take down the Lord of The Black Stone, he will put them in their place.

Though there is still one problem. Animals. Now one idea I have is that when Death revives humanity, the souls of humanity (who have not been cleansed of their past life because they hadn't been sent back into creation and thus still remembered their life) argued that animals counted as part of humanity because of how intertwined the lives of humans and animals are. So in the end, Death basically got a "revive one species and you revive the entire biosphere" deal. Why do I think this would work? Because let's be honest. The Nephilim were created from both Angels and Demons and they were very powerful. And this is the souls of their entire race (minus 4) we are talking about and as established in lore, souls are powerful, so (in my mind) it would make sense that a soul of a Nephilim would be more powerful than a soul of an Angel or Demon.

But what about if my idea ends up not working out? What then?

*Vulgrim has entered the chat*

What why is that here?

Vulgrim: I have a solution. Now you go on and get yourself some water while I explain.

Now hang on! This is my story and you can't just -

Vulgrim: Well. Now that they are out of the way. I can tell you my solution.

Vulgrim: Even before the apocalypse I knew that the Earth would suffer and in it, I saw an opportunity. I knew how much the humans cared for their animals and I knew that the Horsemen would not allow the humans to go extinct. So I decided to keep various animals that I knew humans kept as "farm animals" to make a profit in the future. Was it hard? Very. Did I almost quit? Almost. But the thought of the future profits kept me going.

Vulgrim: And I was right. After Abaddon was slain by War and Death revived humanity there was a need for food. I was originally going to accept human souls for food but then the Horsemen, mostly Death, paid the bill in coin and in the form of the souls of Angels and Demons. As you humans say, I racked in the gold. The Angels may have their plants that they give freely, but I have a monopoly on meats and other precious animals such as felines and canines and other animals that will help Earth to return to what it was before the apocalypse.

come in here and hey I'm back. So you done?

Vulgrim: Indeed.

Cool. Now please get out.

*Vulgrim leaves the chat*

So yeah. My other idea is that Vulgrim pulls a Noah from the bible and makes a giant farm and keeps a bunch of animals to later sell to humans at a high but reasonable price. He still has to make a living and this is the apocalypse we are taking about. So with everything set up, it is time for my take on what Angels and Demons think of human cooking.

At first, most Angels and Demons didn't really think much of it. Except for a few Angel scribes that worked under Azrael. They were quick to ask about cooking since the idea of it was something new to them and the idea that you could make something new out of ordinary ingredients was really fascinating. Foods like candy, cakes, soup, and even bread quickly became favorites for the scribes to enjoy during breaks or while hanging out and talking to other scribes. Especially the different types of bread. Cause. You're telling me that you can use the same basic ingredients to create all these different types of one food simply by using different methods of cooking it and adding other ingredients?! Wild.

As you can guess. It was funny to watch a bunch of nerdy angels geek out over bread and other kinds of food like cheese as well as how these foods are made and the history behind how humans found out how to make them.

In my opinion, most Angels prefer the more fruity, sweet, and mild flavors of human cooking. But like before with the pepper, lime, and lemon challenge, some took a liking to the more spicy, sour, and salty flavors of human cooking. And others took a liking to it as well. Others, like the Demons and it all begins in the spice capital of the world. India.

For those who don't know, India is known as the spice capital of the world as well as the birthplace of spices. Also, in famous Gordan Ramsay's show Uncharted, he travels to India to learn about it's food culture and gets treated to an extremely spicy drink that makes him spit it out almost instantly, smells like nothing at all, and even looks clear as water. This is the native chili called "kandhari".

Other than it's spices, India is also known for it's curry and the many different kind of curry found in India. While there are many other things that India is known for, I will be focusing on curry, spice, and the coconut and coconut milk that is known for helping curry have a milder flavor and a fragrant smell.

It starts when rumors of demons living in India are holding a village hostage. War and Fury leave with a few warrior angels, led by Uriel, to scout out the situation. When they get there they see a village and they see demons. But it doesn't look like they are holding the village hostage. They are actually eating with the humans. One of the women speaks up.

Woman 1: Hello. Have you traveled far? Come and eat with us. We just made some curry.

Uriel: Good evening to you. We heard rumors of demons keeping this village hostage. But it appears that the rumor is false. Can you tell us how you came to coexist with demons?

One of the demons stands up.

Demon 1: I'll explain what happened. We originally came to this village to take what valuables we could find. But then the smell of this curry attracted our attention. We traded some coin for a few bowls and the taste was something truly incredible. So we stayed and in exchange for helping to keep this village safe we get a bowl of curry everyday.

Demon 2: Yes. The human women here are truly masters of their craft and the art of using spices in their cooking.

Woman 1: You are more than welcome to try some if you'd like.

The woman pours a few bowls of curry and offers it to them.

War, Fury, and Uriel look at each other before an angel takes a bowl.

Angel 1: How spicy could a single dish be?

He was proven wrong the exact moment he took a bite and froze.

Angel 1: HOTHOTHOTHOT! OH BY THE CREATOR THIS TASTES OF HELL ITSELF!

The angel then proceeds to cough like mad.

Woman 2: Yeah that's about what I expected.

Woman 1: *laughing her but off*

Fury: *also laughing like a mad woman*

Uriel: I've tried limes and peppers before but none gave anyone THAT kind of reaction.

Woman 2: HA! The spices we grow and use here are much stronger than your typical limes or peppers. Our home, India, is known for being the spice capital of the world. And curry uses a number of species all blended together.

Uriel: Now I see why he acts like as if he ate solid hellfire.

One of the women then hands the angel a drink which he snatches up and finishes in just a few gulps.

Angel: What kind of drink is this? It doesn't taste like water. In fact it is quite sweet.

Woman 2: That is coconut water. Helps to cool down the body.

And to add insult to injury when the angel looks back he sees humans eating the curry no problem! Just what kind of taste buds do they have!?

Fury: So what kind of food is curry anyway?

Woman 1: It is a spicy dish and some versions have different meats and vegetables. And here we love our spices.

Fury: *looking at the angel who tried the curry* I can see that.

War: So everything is. Good here?

Woman 1: Yes. We are just fine.

Fury: So um. Can I try some of that?

War: I would also like a bowl.

Uriel: I think I'll stick to trying that coconut water you mentioned before.

With that they had a wonderful time talking to the villagers, trying the local cuisine and drinks (and watching the angels who did also try the curry absolutely lose it at how spicy it was since for many of them it was their first time trying something spicy and this is India, the capital of spice, for crying out loud), and getting information from the demons on actually evil plans going down around Asia (as far as they knew at least).

(Last thing. If I got anything about India or curry wrong please let me know. I strive to represent different cultures accurately and I don't want to accidentally misrepresent different cultures or use racist terms.)

[ilikehimhessilly]

Vulgrim is like. My Darksiders scrimblo. He’s a scrungly kinda guy. He’s silly. My special silly guy. Make me laugh. And he’s not even trying. Could also rizz me up. And I would shamelessly enjoy it. Perhaps I would rizz HIM up. My special guy.

[darksiders-drabbles]

May I request a short story about Darksider's Fury being annoyed with herself over how endeared she is to her human traveling companion.

Good luck at school and I hope you have a nice day.

Fury Endeared

Warnings: fluffy

Fury looked over to her human. Irate, she caught herself sneering at their back as they led the way through the Maker's Tree in the human city. She directed her gaze just above their head, instead trying to tune back into whatever they were saying.

"..... New additions to the sanctuary came through last night while you were away." They glanced back at Fury, catching her eye.

"Is that so? You seem eager to tell me more. Out with it." She spat.

The human blinked in surprise. "Uh, yeah, so... They were spotted near the roots of the tree in the darkness by one of the Maker's. They were barely armed, starving, dehydrated, and welding torches like the nighttime isn't the most dangerous time to get moving."

This caught Fury by surprise. Normally any humans sent to the Tree were teleported instantly to the top of the sanctuary by her rune. The fact that the new humans were spotted near the base brought unease.

"How did they make that far without any weaponry, half dead, and in the dark?" She wondered.

"Well... I know you told me not to talk to him but..."

Fury did not like where this is going.

"I called in a favor from Vulgrim."

The sneer was back on Fury's face, her tattoos wrapped around her eye intensified her gaze. She warned them to stay away from him for good reason. He always had a dagger hiding up his sleeve to stab anyone in the back.

"...Turns out he gave them access to the Tunnels, but sent them to the bottom of the Tree instead of the top."

"Of course he would. That treacherous snake rarely does anyone 'favors' as you call it. Count yourself lucky that it didn't end in the demise of more of your people."

The human winced at that last comment, eyes hardening with resolve.

"Vulgrim isn't that bad, he's just... Complicated."

Fury scoffed. " The only complex thing about that creature are the Serpent Holes. Those Tunnels are the only thing worth of value attached to that wretch. "

"It's not like that! He really did try his best... There were night stalkers following my people's every move when they stumbled upon him. " They puffed their chest out in defiance. "You and I both know Vulgrim can't fight. Give him a chance, he still got them to the Sanctuary."

Fury felt a small burst of pride at their defiant stance against her, but squashed it in favor of giving them an earful about why they shouldn't associate with that demon merchant. As she did, she couldn't help but feel her irritation change from how much she had come to enjoy their company, to how stubborn they could be when they wanted.

Ever since Fury stopped letting them come along with her on adventures, they have been belligerent about contributing to her mission in any way they could. She doesn't need to eat, but still they packed her snacks. She doesn't feel cold like a human does, but they made her a scarf anyway. She didn't need sleep, but they encouraged her to rest anyway. It was annoying. It was endearing.

As they came upon the Maker's Tree, Fury grabbed them up and used her whip to expertly navigate them both to the top of the Tree with ease. Two new faces stared at her, wide eyed, from near the Forge. Ulthane was deep in a story with the newest refugees before his ears perked at the sound of a tell tale whip swinging through the branches of his Sanctuary. She put her human down more gently than necessary. They looked at her strangely, but introduced her to the frightened humans.

Quietly, Fury could admit to herself that she enjoyed their company. She valued their time together as well as the resilient nature the human held. It's why she did what she thought was best to keep them safe... By leaving them behind.

[kinslayyer]

Made this while eating fried udon, life is good.

[catcoffee02]

Later on in the evening, a friend and I went on Discord together and I streamed Darksiders.

While we were talking, came up with some new insults for the gods while I tried to make the Black Throne's puzzles works, we had a goodamount jokes about the characters. Here a few we came up with (nothing has to be taken seriously). Most of them are from the Black Throne maps.

Be aware that this is not child-friendly, or sensitive friendly, is quiet on the diagram of the Italian sense of humour - harsh. I have tried to translate it as well as possible. Have fun as we brutally bully War(more than the lore)!

I finally met Samael and gave him the last heart. My friend, seeing Samael for the first time: SMASH. Also my friend seeing Azrael: Smash, he's hot. Me: No he has terrible people skills. My friend seeing Silitha: SMASH. Me: What? My friend: just joking, maybe... After I got the 'War's Glory' enchantment: Look at my cool sword — its bleeds! My friend: It looks like it's on its period. Period sword! Me: ... can War get a period? My friend,a biology student: Don't know. It depends on how his species works and the gender construct of the Nephilim. When I got 'Strife's Offering', I read the Italian version, 'Strife's gift' ('Dono di conflitto'), to my friend. It sound that bad. My friend: Why does it look like Strife gave War a dildo as a gift? Laught of distress from both parts. My friend, still laughing: The modern ones, the ones they sell in Japan. Me: Fuck it. I won't see this enhancement as I did before. With Azrael in the Black Throne. Azrael: The beam, redirect the beam. Azrael: The beam... Me: I know, you fucking bitch! My friend: You have to admit, Azrael is hot, and we'll like him because of it. Me: I'm still going to hit him with a broom. At a certain point, I went to Vulgarim, who started to speak. My friend: he look like he would sell me counterfeit stuff. Me: I don't know, but he probably does. War will grunt or make a sound whenever he falls, gets hit, dashes or climbs. My friend, wasn't watching the steam at that moment: This sounds very inappropriate. Is he using Strife's gift? Me, on the verge of tears: ... I just got hit by an enemy. My friend: And? He can make good use of the gif. I paused the game because of a memory: There's a Tumblr post about War doing the game grunts when he fu- My friend: So he's a masochist. Me: ... FUCK. Show my friend War being shot from a portal, performing a ball manoeuvre, and then landing. My friend: Why does he do it? Me: I don't know. But you have to admit, he's quite flexible. My friend: ... Me: Whoresman My friend: yes. I also showed my friend that, when you perform the finishing manoeuvre on a specific enemy, War will uses Chaoseater as a pole to bring the enemy down in a wheel. Me: This is the stripper movement. My friend: pretty much. Me: War had a stripper past. Lol.

[darkdemetyr]

Vulgrim’s crotchet Funko Pop. Yes I had to.

And we shall call him… Vuugie.

[nephilim-nights]

Darksiders Headcanon Requests Open

Hey hey, sinners and saints~

I’m Noct, and with Darksiders 4 looming on the horizon, I’m throwing open the gates for all your delicious headcanon cravings (maybe even a little ficlet or two if you ask nicely~)

Every character, every ship; bring me your chaos. And yes, Y/N x Canon is not just welcome, it’s encouraged.

Let’s make some magic. 🔥